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A blog by deedee

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Jazzercise Instructor Audition Today

And I PASSED!!!!!!!!!! This has been a long time in coming. I was scheduled for two different auditions previously this year, but for different reasons had to skip them. I've danced my entire life and I can say that today's audition was the most nervous I've ever been. I think because I had to do it solo vs. being in a group. Now I have to get through the next two days and I'll be an instructor. :scared0: I've never been so strong and healthy. None of this would have been possible without the vsg.

June 24, 2010

4

3 Year Anniversary!

Lots of ramblings... It has been so long and I actually forgot that today was my surgiversary. This morning I received an email from another site congratulating me on being 3 years out so I thought I'd come here and check things out. Life really has changed over the past years, but that was inevitable with or without the sleeve The ugly... I am up 20 pounds from my goal weight and 30 pounds from my happy weight. About 25 of those pounds have been put on since the birth of my beautiful daughter who is now almost 16 months. I am not happy about this, but wow, being a mom really cut into my exercise and sleep time;-) I have now begun a consistent exercise routine again (after an inconsistent year), am trying to get the food choices under control (it's hard to make healthy choices on 5 hours of sleep) and hope by my birthday in October to be down at least 10 pounds. Ugly (pt. 2)-my body!!!!! I'm sitting at a size 10 and get so many compliments about how much better (healthier) I look compared to my size 4 body, and I'd have to agree to an extent, but boy do I miss my muscle-toned body:-( The bad... A big reason for having the vsg was to help our chances of getting pregnant. Unfortunately after a year out and steady for months below my goal weight, I went back to my RE and attempted to have some tests run. Long story short, it turned out that my only chance at pregnancy was to have my tubes removed, due to severe scarring, and go through IVF. I was VERY depressed for about a week. I'd figured out how we could afford (mentally and financially) IUI, but IVF??? And then I realized I could either be sad and upset or I could make a new plan, either way life was going to move forward. It's reflecting on times like this that I'm reminded how little is truly in our control, but fortunately God is at the helm and, at least in my experiences, has a more awesome plan for my life than even I could imagine. The good, great, fantastic... About a week after getting the devastating news and posting to this wonderful board about it, I read a reply from someone who opened my eyes. She probably doesn't even realize it, but after reading through all my posts she made a comment that changed my life. She said "I know that you would like to have a biological child but there are sooooo many many many children that need a loving home..." At first I was really offended, but then I reread all of my posts and realized that of course she and everyone else would assume that getting pregnant was very important to me, I mean look back at everything I'd posted about the drastic steps I was taking, BUT it wasn't about being pregnant to me, it was about being a mom and my husband being a dad. So... At that point, we half-heartedly discussed adoption, but that post really made me examine what we wanted. Shortly after that I we began the home study process and before our report was written we were matched with a wonderful young lady due in April. And the rest is history...although life wouldn't be life without a few issues, but it all worked out. Lastly... A big part of the struggle for me with food, exercise, and sleep this past year or so was the fact that I still was working outside my state about 40 miles each way. If you know anything about the Washington DC area, you know a commute like that can be horrendous AND it usually was. Well, in October 2011, I made the decision I wouldn't be coming back to this current job another school year and let my principal know. It was kind of scary with this economy and teaching jobs near my home very competitive, but I had to make a decision that was good for my health and family. In December I happened on a job fair and was offered a contract. In March I was offered a job in my own district for the remainder of the school year, but my current principal would not budge on the 30 days notice thing and they needed the position filled immediately, so I had to turn it down. That was a hard pill to swallow, but in the end, like most things, it worked out for the best. I ended up with a lot of possibilities and took one at an independent school near my house that begins at age three and goes through high school, which will be great as my baby grows up. I'm now laying in bed with a little girl curled up at my side because she thought 4 AM would be a good wake up time this morning and I was afraid she'd hurt herself jumping in her crib if I didn't get her out. So there's the good, bad, and ugly. Getting sleeved three years ago was an excellent decision for me and I know it's helped me get to where I am now. It sort of reminds me of the Robert Frost poem...and I took the road less traveled down and that has made all the difference. Who knows where the other fork (non-sleeve) would have led me, maybe somewhere just as great, but I'm happy to be where I am today!

August 5, 2012

5

Shocker!

Today when I walked into work my assistant principal said she had something she had to show me. I walked in wondering what it could be and she had these two pictures on her computer from last June at a teacher's retirement party. It was a shocker to me because this was from my heaviest (241) and I had no pictures from this time. I'll try to post them here. There really is a big difference.

May 13, 2010

7

I HAVE worked this tool!

Since I've been one who has told most everyone about my surgery, I usually respond to compliments with something like, "I was so fortunate to have this procedure." Well, today as I was walking down the hall, a colleague passed me and said again how amazed she was with my transformation. She asked me how I was continuing to do it and of course I mentioned the surgery. She replied with the fact she knows about the surgery, but many people have surgery and do not succeed. It made me stop and realize that I have worked this tool and I'm proud of that. While I am definitely not perfect, I make decisions daily about food and exercise to make this a lifestyle and not just a temporary thing. Now I still feel that the sleeve is mostly responsible for my success, but am starting to feel that I played a big role and can be proud too.

June 2, 2010

6

Moving forward with RE

I made the decision about a week ago to go back to the fertility clinic I was using pre-surgery. We've been actively trying for about 5 months (but not doing anything to prevent it for 6 months) and after 3 years, I'm very impatient:-) I have an appointment set up for July 7, but called and spoke with the nurse about coming in for my 3 day blood work before that (I'm due to start my period the week before). She said that would be fine because the doctor will want to re-run some tests since it's been a year and a half since I've been there. I don't yet know if I will need assistance (like meds or iui), but it makes me feel better that I can get thoroughly checked out to make sure there is nothing wrong like before. I'm just so excited and grateful to be at the healthiest weight I've ever been to embark on this journey. :scared0:

June 22, 2010

5

Body Image

Over the last week, I've posted on forum threads regarding issues with my body and things I feel could use improvement. Now in the big picture, I understand these issues are not that important especially compared to the good health I now enjoy, they're more just little annoyances that only get to me at times. One of the biggest issues is my skin. I know a lot of wls patients fear, dread, hate their lose skin and I am no different. Fortunately my arms are pretty okay and in most clothing, I look fine. But today I went swimsuit shopping to prepare for my upcoming trip (end of March) to Florida. It was a picture taken on that trip last year that prompted my search for a new weight loss plan, which eventually led to me discovering wls as an option. Okay, back to the issues. My lower body (tummy, butt, and thighs) is disgusting. I'm not giving up hope that I can tone up these areas to some extent, but it's going to take a lot of work. In college I started buying swimsuits with skirts and always wore them due to bikini line razor burn and cellulite. Both of those things are still present, but much to my dismay, my saddle bags made any skirted swimsuit bottoms look pretty bad. I spent 3 hours shopping for a swimsuit and finally came to the conclusion that my body will never be perfect and I might as well just choose something and get on with it. When I'm at the beach I actually could care less how I look and hardly ever feel self conscious. It's all about the sun and water :biggrin0: So here's the one I ended up buying. When I saw it in pictures, it wasn't quite as scary as the in the mirror, but still not the prettiest sight (I'm just loving that double butt I've got going on:-). I guess I had body issues when I was larger and those issues have not gone away just because I have shed over 90 pounds.

February 28, 2010

9

9 months out (almost)

Well, it's been a while since I've checked in with everyone and in 2 days it will be my 9 month anniversary from surgery. The last couple of months have been very difficult for me in terms of anxiety/depression, but for the most part things are under control now and I am still so very happy that I had the opportunity to have this wonderful procedure. I really like this place a lot and am so grateful for all of the kind and knowledgeable people here. For all the pre-op and initial post-op people I am going to list my stats below because although I know we are are different and will have different journeys, it was so motivating to read about other's journeys. I'll also update my album, because I still enjoy looking at other's pictures. Weight- Consultation (6/09): 238 lbs. Surgery Day (8/09): 222 lbs. One Month: 201 lbs. Two Months: 186 lbs. Three Months: 175 lbs. Four Months: 162 lbs. Five Months: 153 lbs. Six Months: 149 lbs. Seven Months: 143 lbs. Eight Months: 138 lbs. Currently (5/10): 138-140 pounds Measurements- Waist: 43" to 29 " Hips: 51" to 36" Bust: 45.5" to 34.5" Clothing- (clothing sizes are such a range; I just bought one large dress and a size 2 skirt...it just depends on the brand and cut) Pants: 22/24 to 4/6 Tops: 22 (2XL) to 6 (small/med/lg) Dresses/Skirts: 2XL to 4/6 (small/med/lg) Bra: 40/42 DD to 34 C

May 2, 2010

6

To tell or not to tell???

Okay, I started writing this post in response to someone's question on the main discussion forum and realized this was a huge ramble and went way beyond what she was asking. So instead I thought I'd post it here because it's more of a reflection and would probably fit better on my blog. I told pretty much anyone that would listen before surgery, BUT I love to talk (I told anyone who asked about my fibroid surgery last year as well if they happened to ask or were around me for any length of time)! I share a lot about what I am thinking and pre-op, the vsg was pretty much what was on my mind all the time. The thing that has been the most annoying for me wasn't really negative reactions when I told people (I can remember 1), but people (who I told numerous times) post-op wanting to constantly talk about my weight loss and how I was doing it. I have coworkers (and exercise buddies) ask me about my current weight, clothing size, etc. and want to know what diet and exercise plan I used to achieve such great results. I've already told EVERYONE about my surgery and when I explain again I get "oh" and don't think they are really listening and am sure to get the same questions again next week by the same people. Another thing to consider when deciding to tell people is the whole "food police" issue, especially coming from those that are very supportive and excited for you. Today I had a colleague walk in and he saw half a donut next to my computer (we had a baby shower breakfast and yes, I ate a donut then and this was actually my 2nd that I went and got from the workroom for my lunch) and asked "what is that doing here? you are my hero," basically implying that I should never "slip" with my eating because I've been inspiring him to eat better and start exercising again. I just smiled, rolled my eyes, and asked if he needed anything else...he got the point, but I think this could get super annoying if it continues to happen (not that I plan on eating donuts daily). In the end, I don't think it really makes a big difference whether you tell or not as long as you feel okay about the decision. I needed to tell people before surgery because it was a way to process my decision and I just like to gab. I've told people after (except my tap class) because I'd already told so many. For the most part everyone is really excited and happy with my results. Now I'm just hoping to be able to move past this surgery and weight loss and live a more normal life. It's not like I'm super small, but you'd think by the constant comments that I've done the most amazing thing ever. I just want to be normal and not have people focused on me because of this weight loss anymore.

February 24, 2010

5

Almost there!!!!!!!!!!

So this morning I had my Jazzercise class and one of the instructors watched me to provide feedback (my audition is in 5 weeks). She told told me I need to work on the intensity--kicking it up a notch--when doing the heavy routines. One of my biggest concerns all along has been that although I can do the routines fine, I've danced off and on my entire life, my strength isn't where it should be. I really need to add more weight training into my program...so today we pulled one of our tv's from the basement to the living room (I wasn't using it there because we have tile and it's so cold) and hooked up the Wii Fit. It's been soooo long since I'd been on it. I'm committing myself to using it everyday for the next 5 weeks and 15 minutes 3 days per week with my stability ball working on my core. The most amazing thing happened though, it read my bmi as NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm attaching a picture and will put it into my profile as well. I'm not counting it for really being at goal because my bathroom scale matches the one at my surgeon's office (well it's actually 2 pounds heavier) and their scale reads heavy, so I like that mine does too. It was just so cool to actually see a normal bmi :thumbup:. I know I'll be there for "real" this month if I pump it up a notch.

January 9, 2010

4

Shopping victories!

Yesterday I had a major shopping trip and for once didn't go with anyone else so I could go to all the stores I wanted to, spend money on what I wanted, and not have to worry about accommodating others or wondering if they're judging me for what I bought or how much I spent :ack2: It also allowed me to explore some areas of my wardrobe that were lacking. I found and bought the most comfortable pair of pumps. I've never worn pumps for work (only special occasions) or play because they always hurt my feet so much. Maybe now because I'm a little smaller, they are more comfy or maybe because I got a little higher quality shoe, but I'm so excited to have found these shoes. I got them in black. http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3034548/0~2376780~6009391~6014000~6014004~6014012?mediumthumbnail=Y&origin=category&searchtype=&pbo=6014012&P=1 Another thing I managed to do was finally shop in White House, Black Market. I've adored this store's window display in downtown Annapolis since I moved to the area 9 years ago, but figured nothing in there would fit and never ventured in. At the mall I decided to just bite the bullet and go in. Well, it's really not all that I was hoping for, but I did find a pair of cute jeans (in short :w00t:) and a cute top for my Florida trip next month. But isn't it funny how we build things up in our minds and then when we really look, it's not just that big of deal. My last victory of the day was finding a fabulous dress for Valentine's Day. I had already purchased a red dress in January, but it's sleeveless and even with a cardigan I still only have sandals to wear with it, so it's a no go with our current weather. It's sort of like this, but with pink and black instead of blue and white. I can't wait to wear it with my new black pumps! http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/3068494?Category=&Search=True&SearchType=keywordsearch&keyword=dresses&origin=searchresults

February 13, 2010

3

7 Months Post-op

Well, yesterday marked my 7 month anniversary from surgery. I am pretty happy with where I am health-wise. I'll be having a follow-up visit with my surgeon the beginning of next month, so will have my labs drawn in a couple of weeks. I'm pretty sure they will show some deficiencies. This past month I've done pretty poorly taking all but my multivitamin, which has been pretty good. I've been ill off and on most of the month and I've just not been as good as I should have been. I've also struggled this last month with my exercise routine. When the snow hit, things were closed and schedules erratic for working out. I then flew home for a week. So basically I went from consistently exercising for 5-7 days per week (since 1 month post-op) to 2-3 days per week. I'm hoping this virus is finally out of me and I can get back to normal. My weight has continued to decline, but at a nice and slow rate. I lost almost 6 pounds, making my grand total weight loss -95 pounds. I think I'd like to try to maintain a weight between 140-148 pounds, but who knows where my body will be comfortable. I'd like to not drop below 140 pounds to try to maintain some curves and not have as much lose skin. Just today at work (spirit day-wearing jeans and a tee shirt) I was mistaken for a middle school kid (from the side and back) by two different teachers and a custodian. I NEED curves...I don't want to be mistaken for a teenager (although I wouldn't mind it so much in the face:-). Other ramblings... I've become much more accustomed to receiving compliments about my weight loss and they don't bother me hardly at all. I'm pretty okay with people constantly talking to me about my weight loss, although it still does get annoying at times...especially the "wasting away" and "you're disappearing." But usually when I say I'm done losing, they have nothing more to say. One mom said I should be the one to talk with her son because it might come better from the "pretty, enthusiastic, young teacher." When she first said it, I was thinking oh, I'll have so and so across the hall talk to him then and then I realized she was talking about me. It was really sweet and made my week. Today a teacher came up to me and said, "I can't stand to look at you anymore." He had a smile on his face so I knew it wasn't meant in a bad way. He explained how when he met me 9 years ago he never thought I had it in me to get so healthy. He saw a very happy person who enjoyed her food and was happy to live her life the way she was living. It lead to a really good talk about food addiction and the benefits of wls for some people. I went up to one of our administrators after school to set up a time to meet next week because I couldn't do today as I was already busy. I thought she wanted to discuss the state tests coming up in May. She said, "no big deal I just wanted to ask you a few questions about your procedure...not that I'm really convinced it's for me, I just wanted to talk some things over." I look at this as a huge step and it makes me happy that I decided to tell others about my surgery. Well, I guess that's all for now. Still chugging along. Still super happy with my sleeve and loving life. Can't wait to see what the next 7 months bring. Weight Loss by Month: Starting 238 pounds July 2009 -16 pounds Pre-Op August 2009 -21 pounds Month 1 September 2009 -15 pounds Month 2 October 2009 -11 pounds Month 3 November 2009 -13 pounds Month 4 December 2009 -9 pounds Month 5 January 2010 -4 pounds Month 6 February 2010 -6 pounds Month 7 Current -95 143 pounds

March 6, 2010

6

6 Month Surgiversary!!!

Time sure has flown by these past 6 months. I feel so blessed that I was given this opportunity to get healthy and have ZERO REGRETS that I had it done. I've gotten a few private messages asking about my experience, so I thought this would be a great time and place to post a recap (as well as I can remember it). These thoughts are pretty random and just share the ups and downs of my journey so far. I began my journey with researching wls in April of 2009. Attended a seminar with my surgeon in May, and set up my consultation visit for June 24. At my consultation I weighed 238 lbs. (down 3 pounds from my all time heaviest). I started my pre-op diet (modified Atkins) in July 2009, and had my surgery on August 4, weighing 222 lbs. Today I weigh in at 149 pounds! My starting clothing size was a woman's 22-24. I am currently wearing a 6-8 and actually just bought yesterday a size 4 dress that fits beautifully (it obviously runs large). I never dreamed, planned, or hoped to be this small and still don't see this person. In the mirror I still see the same larger person with flaws and scars, but when I take pictures and compare them I can tell the difference. My biggest struggle as an early post-op was with protein consumption. I was lucky to get in 30 grams of protein per day the first month out (some days I did well, but not consistently). I had a very difficult time finding protein drinks that I could tolerate. I found Chike Orange Cream and thought it tasted pretty good, but early out it would give me such bad cramping. I then found Bariatric Advantage Sangria flavor around 3 weeks post-op and did pretty well sipping one each morning. Another struggle I faced (and still do to some extent) was with constipation. There was one time that I was constipated for like 8 days. Adding in apples and spinach seemed to help in that area. Around 3-4 months post-op I decided to try to lose the remainder of my weight following a more balanced diet...up until that point I was pretty much sticking to no more than 30 carbs per day. The weight loss definitely slowed down when I upped the carbs, but for me it was okay. I figured if I could lose weight following a more balanced diet, I wouldn't have to worry so much in maintenance about gaining much weight back (who knows if this will actually be the case). As of today, I am still 1 pound away from my goal weight and if I don't hit goal in the next couple of weeks, I plan to low carb it for a while. One of the BEST things I think I did during the post-op process was to establish a good, solid exercise routine. Each day from 1 day post-op, I walked A LOT. During the first month I walked the boardwalk and built up to 2-3 miles per outing. When I was cleared for exercise (4 weeks out) I started back to Jazzercise and signed up for water aerobics. The water class did not work out for different reasons, but I stuck with Jazzercise and by two months out was attending 5 days per week. I have now added a tap class (my favorite) into my schedule and have cut back one day of Jazzercise to accommodate. Each month I notice myself getting stronger and capable to do more (my energy levels are through the roof) and I feel I owe this to the exercise routine I've got going on. During this last month, although I haven't dropped much weight on the scale, I've definitely noticed myself toning up a lot more. Again, I attribute the exercising to this. I feel so blessed that I have this tool and just want to say again, I LOVE MY SLEEVE!!!

February 5, 2010

7

The new me???

This morning I'll be flying to WA State for a couple of days. It wasn't planned, so just yesterday I called a couple friends to let them know I'd be in town. Due to this trip not being about pleasure I wasn't even thinking about my weight loss until my best friend asked, "so are you an anorexic, skinny chick now? Will I even recognize you? are you a completely different person?" It was said in good humor, but it kind of took me by surprise. I still think overall I am the same person...just a little different. I'll post more when I get back about the reactions I get. I really hope it's all okay because I don't think I can handle any more drama.

February 17, 2010

5

Confession time-horrible with food intake

Over the last couple of days I've done nothing but graze on food on and off all day long between my bouts of productivity. I don't know what it is about snowy, wintery weather, but it seems to make me feel like I have to shovel as much food in as possible. We've been out of school since last Friday and it looks like we might be out for a couple more days (new storm due to come in tomorrow afternoon) and I really need to get it together. If the food intake wasn't bad enough, I'm hardly getting in any exercise. Last week we only had Jazzercise 1 day due to snow from the previous weekend. I did manage to get out and take a 45 minute walk this morning and shoveled for an hour Saturday and an hour Sunday, but it doesn't compare to my normal level of daily activity. Tomorrow I plan on going to the gym with my husband in the AM and then practice my audition routines in the PM. Hopefully this helps, but I don't think it can counteract the horrific eating I've allowed myself to do. Guess I just needed to vent about my lack of willpower:-(

February 9, 2010

5

Doctor's Appointment Update

I went to a scheduled doctor's appointment today to discuss my low blood pressure issues. Over the past week my blood pressure had seemed better (101/57), but I kept the appointment because he only works one Saturday a month. The nurse took my bp and it was 96/61. The doctor took it manually and got a very low reading as well and then switched to a different cuff. He told me that because of how small I am now a child's cuff would give me a more accurate reading. With it he said I'm definitely "low," but my pulse rate is slow as well, so he's not concerned like he would be if I had a normal pulse rate. He explained the whole thing in detail, but my eyes glazed over and I just half listened. BUT, the good news is that I'm okay for now. He was also really glad to hear that I was trying to maintain. He didn't say that I shouldn't lose anymore, but if I did, it needed to be at a much slower rate. My husband actually came to this appointment with me and at the end brought up my emotional state. The doctor confirmed that the weight loss is a contributing factor to my state. After more of a discussion though, we decided I would try a low dose of an anti-depressant for a month and then see him again. I won't go into the contributing factors here, but he also wants me to see a psychiatrist. I'm cautious, but a little hopeful that maybe this medicine will help get me in a good place again. I'll be seeing my surgeon on April 1, and will see what he has to say about these issues as well.

March 20, 2010

2

No vacation for me:-(

I've been feeling under the weather off and on for over a month now. I thought the most recent bout was simply allergies. I was able to get back into my doctor yesterday afternoon and he gave me a couple of prescriptions, but my husband and I had to cancel our trip (to get a full refund and/or credit) by yesterday. We went ahead and cancelled. I have these 5-15 minute coughing attacks and we were afraid to fly if those were not under control (I hate to be on an airplane when someone is obviously so sick). This morning I already feel a little better, so I'm kind of bummed that we cancelled, but I know that traveling, and even beach lounging, isn't so fun when sick. Oh well, I am now planning a major shopping excursion next week to make up for it. It still won't be the beach, but it's something I guess.

March 26, 2010

3

Today I bought a size...

SIX :thumbup: I went back to the little boutique in my town and found a skirt I wanted to buy before Christmas was on clearance for 60% off. BUT they only had a size 12, 6, and 2. The 12 was a little lose before so I took it and the 6 to the fitting room. I tried on the 12 and it was lose, but not too much so I figured the 6 wouldn't fit at all. Yet it did!!! It's pretty tight, but I could definitely wear it tomorrow (my new rule for buying something). Excuse the clutter and face/hair...it's been one of those days.

January 17, 2010

7

A Good Day

Today I had a gyn appointment. When the nurse took me back to get my weight she moved the 50 pound weight to 0, thinking I weighed under 150 lbs. :thumbup: She did have to move the 50 pound weight over again, but I was wearing my jacket (it was so cold, I wish I had taken it off--I could have had a weight under 150 on their scale). At Jazzercise tonight I weighed in on their scale and it read 151.4 lbs. Even though it's not my scale and doesn't really count, I can't believe actually weighing in the 140's is an actual possibility for me. It completely blows my mind!!! Not everything is roses and sunshine though. Although my weight loss has slowed down (I lost 9 pounds in December-less than any prior month), my lose skin is getting worse. Maybe it's just finally catching up with me. My arms (triceps) are so flappy...I've made a decision to start using 10 lb weights when I exercise. The upper part of my tummy has a lot of lose skin as do my upper inner thighs. BUT, I'd take these issues over being unhealthy and fat any day.

January 6, 2010

4

A very productive day

Well, I live in the mid-atlantic region that now finally on the end side of an enormous snowstorm (my county is actually still under a blizzard warning). Due to this I am homebound and thought this would be a good day to accomplish some things. First I started the huge process of cleaning out my closets, dresser, and laundry room (where I also store a lot of clothes). With the help of some others on here and a phone conversation, I decided it was time to get rid of my 14's. I even got rid of most of my 12's (saved one pair of jeans that still fit great) and quite a few of my 10's. I've only gotten through half of one closet and a couple bins from the laundry room and my jeans drawer, but I feel so much better. I took the time to try on every single item. So here is a picture of the half of closet I did. I usually prefer to wear more spring and summer colors, but now there is a definite lack of color in the wardrobe I have left. I also usually do not hang my jeans, but my closet is looking so bare:-( About an hour into the closet organizing project, my husband wanted to do another snow shoveling round outside and since I didn't help with the first one, I got dressed and went out to help. I again am amazed at how much better my life is since I've had this surgery. I was able to shovel so much and felt sort of bad about how before losing this weight I never had energy to do much around the house or with my husband. Overall, a very productive day!

February 6, 2010

5

Changes

Today I posted a thread about New Year's resolutions and responded to one of Chancie's posts regarding something that has changed for both of us: being cold a lot of the time now, instead of always hot and sweating. Both these things got me thinking about how much has changed in my life so far and the changes that are still yet to come. My husband loves baseball (still relives his high school glory days:blush:). We had season tickets for the first few years that the Washington National's first came to town. They are currently a horrible team and we did not renew our tickets for last year, but it had more to do with my health than their record. During the hot months, I could barely make it from the parking lot to the stadium and after the game had trouble making it back...we started taking golf cart rides because of my knees. I had so much trouble not passing out from the heat during the spring/summer games. There were more games than I can recall where my husband insisted we leave early because he was so concerned about my health. I felt horrible for him, I felt like a lousy wife. Last year we resorted to buying club seats when we went so that I could sit in the air conditioned club level in the back, where I'd stay for the majority of the game leaving him in the seats by himself. I'm so looking forward to this new season. This year we purchased a partial season package (1/2 of the games, I mean they really are a crappy team, it wasn't completely my health that made us stop getting full season tickets) and I am so happy that I can do this with him! Another big change that hit me today happened when I went into this little boutique in my town. They opened last April and I've always admired their window displays, but had never gone in. Today after going down to the post office I walked over to the bakery and passed the boutique. On my way back to the car I decided to pop in and they had some super cute stuff, although a lot of it more trendy than I typically wear. The owner came over and asked to start a fitting room for me and went and exchanged the medium dress I had for a small. She explained that the dress ran large and the small fit more like a medium. When I went to try it on she was right. I spent about an hour looking through the different racks, it's pretty small. For the first time in my life I realized what it must be like to be a normal sized person shopping for clothing. I've never had a problem shopping (actually have had problems in the past with shopping too much) and have shopped department stores and boutique stores, I just never had been in one where every style in the store actually had my size. I didn't have to dig to the bottom of the pile to look for the largest size. Also, the only boutiques I'd shop in were ones I'd been to with my skinnier friends and saw that they had clothes that fit me. This was a wonderful experience. I can't wait to see what other changes are in store. I LOVE BEING (sort of) NORMAL. I never realized how much my weight (and health) impacted my daily life and the kind of concessions and adjustments it forced me (and my husband) to make on a daily basis. Sure I was pretty happy before, but it's like the old saying "You can't miss what you've never had." I've never had a normal weight (okay I still don't yet), so I didn't realize all of the things I was missing out on.

December 22, 2009

3

I have revised my goal weight and eating plan

I never set a goal weight with my surgeon. At my last follow-up appointment he asked me about it and I responded that I wanted to be in a normal weight range. On here I had set my goal weight as 138 lbs (23 bmi), because that would be exactly 100 lbs from my consultation weight (although not my highest weight). This weekend I did some thinking and have adjusted my goal weight to 148 lbs. This puts my bmi at 24.6, which I know is the high end of normal, but I think it's a great goal for me. In high school I managed to get down to 158 for a few months, but cannot ever remember being lower than that. My goal may get adjusted again, I'll just have to wait and see. I have also decided to begin eating as normally as possible as I work on dropping the last 23 lbs. I've really struggled with whether or not to push myself to goal as fast as possible during my "honeymoon" stage by staying on a high protein and low carb diet or use this weight loss process/journey to develop some new habits with food while I have such good restriction. The latter choice entails not depriving myself of any foods as long as I limit the portion and/or frequency. For now this is what I will try to do. I am continuing with my protein supplement and eating protein first, but I am also allowing carbs back in and no longer tracking them. I JUST WANT TO HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD! We'll see how this goes, if that's even possible for me. I figure if I can manage to lose these last pounds with this diet in place, there shouldn't be any reason why I cannot maintain my weight loss. Now, if I really start to stall then I will be back to high protein, low carb.

November 10, 2009

11

Feeling down...

I've been feeling somewhat sad for the last couple of days. For some reason I'm feeling fatter right now than the day of surgery (I know it's not rational and not true, but it's how I feel). I'm very happy with the weight loss number I've had so far (it has exceeded my expectations by so much, I was hoping to be here by Christmas initially), but when I look in the mirror I just see an unattractive, overweight woman. This morning my husband came in and informed me that our scale was not working because it said he was 6 pounds lighter than last week and we needed a new one. I explained that it matched my surgeon's scale exactly last week, but he just wouldn't let it go. I lost it and started crying and told him if it was broken then I must weigh 6 pounds more than I thought. I know he felt bad and it wasn't a big deal at all and nothing worth crying about, I just couldn't help myself. He sent me 3 emails throughout the day saying how proud he is of my progress, I thought that was nice. Tonight at Jazzercise, a woman came up to me as we were transitioning between routines and commented on my weight loss. She asked if I was doing Weight Watchers or something else (I guess she wasn't there the many times I mentioned my surgery) and I told her that I had surgery. She just sort of gave me a baffled look, her whole excitement level changed, and she went back to her spot. It was the first sort of negative reaction, but at least I didn't cry. I'm not sure what is wrong, but I just don't feel right. I'm thinking it might be a hormonal change like I've read about with major weight loss. I think I'm going to have to drop one day of my exercise classes to start going back to my therapist again (haven't seen her since mid-September) at least for right now.

October 9, 2009

3

My mother...

My mom was not in favor of me having weight loss surgery. She encouraged me to try Jenny Craig AGAIN or look at the serotonin plus diet (even offered to pay for them). Although she did not like my decision, she always supported ME 100%. She sat with my husband during surgery, came to see me each day in the hospital, and came by my house during my recovery to bring me whatever I wanted. Well, over the last few weeks, she has made some interesting comments regarding my clothing purchases. When we went shopping for my birthday I found a lot of clearance Lands End clothing at Sears that was 75-80%. I really wanted to buy some size 8's for next summer, but she said I'd never be that size, that I NEEDED to stop at 12 if I managed to get there. I was having such a pleasant day and was wearing 14-16 at the time, I just didn't want to make a big deal over it. Last weekend we went out together and I was talking about how I ordered a size 10 Lilly dress (since I now fit my size 14 one I've had for a couple of years) because it was such a great deal. She got really upset that I was continuing to spend money on clothes and said, "And how long do you think you'll be that size? Like 6 months?" insinuating that I couldn't possibly maintain a lower weight. I accused her of being unsupportive and left it at that. Yesterday I stopped by to pick something up and she decided she wanted to explain that she does support me, she's just worried that I will lose too much and start to look sickly like my anorexic aunt (one of her sisters). What?!? I weigh 174 lbs. I am at the top of the overweight bmi range. It was good we had the conversation. I think we both understand each better, but I am still just annoyed. I feel like part of her just doesn't want me to set my sights too high and fail (I've been through this before because I am so goal oriented and she worries). I just wish I could be at the end of this journey so that all of this was behind me. Oh, well...it will all be okay, just needed to get this off my chest.

November 6, 2009

4

Today I am 30!

It was a great weekend and today was terrific. I spent yesterday having some girl fun--got my hair trimmed, a little shopping (got a couple girdle style undergarments), and got my colors redone for make up (a mini-makeover). Today I spent a great morning/afternoon with my husband-we tried going to the zoo, but with school/people out it was kind of crowded and we ended up walking around Woodley and Cleveland Park areas and eating at a good Mexican restaurant. Tonight we were supposed to go to one of my favorite places to get steak, but during lunch (that was not planned) I ate a little much, so we are going to put off dinner until later in the week. On the food front, I was just thinking that with each diet I tried I always knew that one of my big problems was that I treated most meals out like it was my birthday...I always got whatever I wanted and ate as much as I could (I mean I was paying for it). It's kind of funny that today is actually my birthday, but I'm not worried about eating my "favorites" and as much as I want (although I decided not to count my carbs today and had some tortilla chips, but then couldn't eat even a quarter of my chicken quesadilla). I'm not doing cake or dessert AND it doesn't matter! That's one way the sleeve has helped change my outlook on life. This morning I swung by my mom's house where she had to take my picture and called me skinny! I know I'm still considered obese, but this just kind of made my morning. She was not such a great supporter of the surgery (she wanted me to try Jenny Craig or the Serotonin plus diet "just one more time"), but she was there through all parts of pre-op and post-op and it's nice to see how she's very proud of the weight loss and my following the plan. Well, I've spent the last 9 months not looking forward to this day, but I have to say, it's been wonderful. I told my husband that next year's birthday I'll either be skinny or pregnant (with surgeon's approval). :cursing:

October 12, 2009

5

Back to it

Well, today I started back to my exercise routine (after the long hiatus I took when my emotions were so out of sorts). IT KICKED MY BUTT!!! After about the third song, it was difficult to breathe, but I kept pushing through and I felt my body get used to it about half way into class. I almost dropped down to my 5 lb weights, but stuck with the 8 lbs. and I made it through. I couldn't quite keep up with the ab routines, but I did my best. Overall, I'm pleased with how easy it was to get back in the swing of an aerobic workout. I know before the weight loss, if I ever went a month or more of working out, it was so difficult to get back...I basically had to begin at the very beginning. Today I realized that my body is strong and understand that although there might be other times in life I have to take exercise breaks, it's really important for both my physical and mental health to exercise.

May 8, 2010

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