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About this blog

I want to use this blog as a place to vent, share, and journal everything. It may not all be related to my weight loss so just be prepared for ramblings.

Entries in this blog

 

Just UGH

So, yesterday I had to break down and have the root canal done. They gave me a sedative that made me absolutely "wasted". I fell asleep at 7:30p, woke up at 3:30am, John got home at 4am, and we went back to bed at 4:30. I got up with Caysen to see him off for school, then I slept in until 11am. I've felt horrific all day. I've got a lot of pressure pain, my entire jaw hurts. I wish I would of just had the dang tooth pulled, but I know the consequences of having this particular tooth pulled.   Anyways, I'm crabby, and moody, and sore. The endodontist called me to check on me, and told me to expect pressure pain, and discomfort for the rest of the week. YAY isn't that exciting.   I can't eat anything of substance. Everything has to be mushy, and it hurts even trying to get that stuff down. I'm not happy. I feel like this entire situation has set me back after making such huge strives in being able to eat, FINALLY.   I know I'm just frustrated, and just want to feel good again. I'm sorry to whine, today just sucks, and I needed to vent it out.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

2
 

Life Love and Goodwill stores

Life has been fab since the husband came home 10 days ago. We've kept ourselves busy, and just enjoy being with each other. We did have to postpone our weekend getaway because of the stupid root canal situation with my tooth. $400 hit to the pocket book was not expected, so now we're waiting on the travel voucher, and the family separation pay to come in so I can get my tooth fixed, and we can get away for a night or two.   Today, we picked up an amazing weight bench, and weight plates at a garage sale then picked up more weights/dumbbells from a guy selling some of craigslist. John made a mini-gym in our garage. He worked out this afternoon, and boy, let me just say he looks smokin' hot working out. I could do without all the grunting, and heavy breathing, but I guess it comes with the territory.   His working out has motivated me. I start my walking regimen on Monday morning bright and early 6:30am, and then I'll lift the little weights to help tone my arms. I'm going to get back to working out with the Wii Active and doing my stand up crunches, and lunges. My thighs are super flabby. It's gross, and I know I can tone them up.   We also stopped by the Goodwill store. I bought a bunch of lightweight crop pants to go walking in, and men's t-shirts. I just can't bring myself to pay full price for clothes to work out in and that won't fit in a month. I desperately need new bras. When I bowl on Wednesday with the girls, my right boob pops out of my bra everytime I roll a ball down the lane. It gets annoying because I'm constanly readjusting myself.   We're having a garage sale within the next 2 weeks. John brought home so much gear the Air Force will not take back, and it's ridiculous. 4 deployments, our garage looks like an ArmyNavy Store. The garage is so full the stuff from this last deployment has taken over our bedroom, and I even have a 45 gallon tote in my kitchen. RIDICULOUS. Not to mention the 3/40 gallon trash bags I have full of clothes from my closet and Caysen's dresser. Tomorrow, we're attacking the guest room closet to get rid of yet again more clothing. Whatever stuff we don't sell at the garage sale will go to the mission store and Goodwill.   I'm almost in a 14 jean. WOOT WOOT. It's the stupid belly fat preventing me from getting into them so that has me kicked into high gear to start walking and losing the belly. I now have the "noassatall" syndrome. My hiney has completely disappeared, but my hips remain. BLAH, I hope the hips slim down once the belly gets smaller.   All is well here in lovely NW Florida. It's been super hot with high humidity lately, and it makes me miserable. BUT, fall is definitely around the corner, and I can't wait.   We're having family pictures taken again. We had family pics taken last December, and they came out wonderfully. I belong to a Myspace group of military spouses, and so many of them are just getting started and give great rates. This new photographer is only charging $50 for 2 hours, and 2 outfit changes, and a CD of all the edited images with a copyright release. AWESOME PRICE ! ! ! She takes great photos from what she has already taken, and I can't wait to have new pics to send to the fam for the holidays. Last year we did beach pictures, this year I think we're going to the historic district and have some great pictures for the album.   I've rambled enough. Anyone who made it through all of that deserve a "no sugar added" cookie, or protein bar ! ! !
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Non-Weightloss related

This waiting game is killing me. I missed 5 phone calls from John and Monday, and he's yet to call back to give me an exact homecoming date.   Luckily, I have most of the "to-do list" completed. I have to still buy his new TV, and mow the yard. But, the rest of the housework is done. I know he'll be home sometime next week. I bought the homecoming outfit, I have everything planned EXCEPT for the actual day I can expect him home.   I have been patient through all of this, but this waiting game is started to really unravel me. I'm just so ready for this to be all over and done with. I know I just need to stay busy, and keep my mind occupied. We're so close, and I'm just getting antsy.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

Protein woes

I've tried the orange and strawberry of the Chike samples I ordered, and neither of them work for me. I'm at my wit's end. I just don't know what to do. I think I'm going to have to order or buy at GNC an unflavored powder and mix it with SF pudding, or something. I can't keep going without, my body is going to start really suffering.   I'm half tempted to go back to the bullets, and mix them with a popsicle. Even though they aren't the highest quality of protein at least it would be some sort of protein. My mother uses them and swears by them. I just can't tolerate the taste, and the gas that follows.   I'm so scared of my hair falling out completely. I have a lot of hair, and it thinning a little wouldn't bother me, but I'm getting paranoid at this point.   Eating is such a chore for me at this point. I know it will get better, but I'm frustrated. I need to really focus on eating, and really trying to in the minimum calories, and protein. Something has to give soon.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

8
 

The scale

The batteries in my scale are DEAD, and I haven't weighed in 2 days. Of course, this scale can't use just normal batteries. They are those flat, round watch type batteries. I'm a little obsessed with the scale, and don't deny it. This is driving me crazy, as much as I dread going to WalMart, I guess a trip is in order so I can get my scale back up and running.   Deployment is almost over less than 21 days, and I'm getting antsy. I have a hair appointment on the 8th, and nails will follow the next week. Communication is pretty much gone at this point. I know the replacements should be there soon, and it's just so stressful. Projected return dates have changed a couple of times so I'm cautiously optimistic that he'll actually be home before the end of September. I just want it to be over.   Other than that, not a lot going on. I have a mandatory 5th grade parent meeting tonight that I'm not looking forward to attending. Caysen is loving school, and he's doing great.   Hope everyone is doing well.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

0
 

Shopping is so therapeutic

I ended up having to take the jeans back from OldNavy. They were too long even with heels. I exchanged them for the 'short' size, I have short legs. I also picked up a couple of shirts. We stopped by the "Avenue" because they were having a big clearance. I almost fit inot their 14/16, but the boobage makes those shirts really short, and I still have a belly that I like to hide. I had to go with the 18/20 and the 2 shirts are a bit big, but super comfy. For 6 bucks each, I really couldn't pass them up.   We stopped by Gamestop for the new Rockband Country track. I also picked up the Wii Active on a recommendation from a friend. I'm starting tonight, and I know I am going to feel so much better.   Dr. M released me to full activity this last Monday, and I am feeling better this week than I have since this journey began back in June. I bought some adult gummie vitamins and they taste amazing. I still have my rough patches, but for the most part, life is so much better.   We have less than 30 days on this deployment. Communication is slim, and it's frustrating. He's almost home, and I started all my little projects around the house. I bought new bedding for our bed, and he is going to love it. Every time he goes away, I buy new bedding. It's a weird thing I do, and he always loves what I pick out.   I also cleaned out my closet. I bagged up over 100 articles of clothing, and I figured if I could sell each piece for 1-3 bucks each, that would be 100-300 for new clothes. It felt so good to get purged all of those clothes. I'll miss them, but I'll enjoy getting new ones more.   I guess that's all for now. I hope everyone is doing well.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

So elated

Went and saw "Time Traveler's Wife" with my friend "J" this afternoon, and least to say, I was super disappointed. It just wasn't as climatic as I was expecting, plus it pretty predictable. . .   After the movie, we headed to the mall. I wanted to stop in at Old Navy and just see if I could possibly wear anything from there. I have never been able to wear anything from Old Navy except for the men's clothes, and even then it was an XXL. So, J convinced me to try on some clothes. . .   I fit into a woman's XL, not XXL, but XL and I've lost 3 pant sizes almost 4 because I tried on a smaller size, and they almost fit. I almost cried because I was shocked. . .   I bought 3 new shirts (all XL all different styles one is a little snug around the boobs but I'll be super comfy next month) and 2 pairs of pants. It was overwhelming emotionally because even though I've lost the weight mentally I just don't "see it". I was super anxious to try on clothes, I was getting icky feeling because it just felt so weird to try on clothes that are "normal". I know an XL is not "normal", but it's the closest thing to normal I've been in over a decade.I was thinking the whole time "these people think I'm crazy for trying on these clothes because I'm too fat". On the way home, we stopped by the store, and this guy smiled super big, checked me out, and then stood super close to me. Not in a creepy way, it was nice to be noticed.   Overall, today has been great. I didn't eat enough before we left so I felt pretty sluggish once we got home. I ate a little peanut butter, and had a frozen fruit bar. I already feel better. . . I need to carry some beef jerky in my purse for days like today.   Today was my first day out except for short trips to Wal-Mart. It felt so good to be out of the house, and just have a nice day out.   I hope everyone had a great weekend ! ! !
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

4
 

I did it, I did it

Today, I hit my first goal of 60lbs lost, and gone forever. I almost cried when I stepped on the scale. My initial goal was 60lbs lost before John got home, and I still have over 30 days before he gets home to see the new me.   I am feeling better every day, and am finally starting to enjoy eating some things. Some days are still a battle, but I know at least I am on the right track. I seriously can't believe I have lost this weight. I looked at myself closely in the mirror today. Even though my body looks kind of funny (I have the "spare tire" syndrome around my tummy), I know that it's something I can work on. I actually have a defined waist, my face isn't super chubby which to be honest was kind of adorable, but I love having a normal size neck so I can wear an 18" necklace, and it not look like a choker.   I'm not trying to brag, but I am seriously elated today. It's been a long, exhausting road, and today was a good day. I've learned to cherish the good, and drudge through the bad. The good is starting to outweigh the bad at this point, and I'm on my way to a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

First NSV, and an update (parts are repeated)

Caysen has been bugging me for weeks to go have Mexican food at the local dive mexican food joint here. Well, I decided today to venture out and give it a whirl. . . The most exciting part of the meal was when I went to sit down and I didn't have to move the table closer to him to fit in between the seat and table. I almost moved it habitually, then stopped myself and thought to myself "go ahead, try to fit there, no one is looking, if you have to move it then move it" So, as I glided in slowly I realized not only was i going to actually fit, I had a good 8+ inches of space between my belly and the table. I know that sounds crazy, but living my life as fat as I was, moving tables to accomodate my size or asking for a table because booths were too small was an every outing occurence. It was so embarassing, and degrading, as I sit here almost in tears, I am so grateful to have my life back, and to not have to move the table anymore is such a great accomplishment. I don't care how much weight I lose, nothing will feel as good as this NSV.   We ordered chicken fajitas for one off the lunch menu, and brought home enough food for another person to eat a fajita. I had 4-5 little strips of chicken with sour cream and salsa. It was by far the best feeling in the world with the booth situation, and I didn't get sick on any of the food.   YIPPEEEEEEE! ! !   We went to the school this afternoon after lunch for the teacher meet-n-greet. He got a fabulous teacher, and I am so excited for him this year. He got Mr. B, and Mr. B is a buff, body builder teacher. He's strict yet fair, and we already talked about Caysen's attitude, and how it's time for Caysen to grow up. He will have homework every night, not in every subject, but 1-2 hours of homework can be expected. I think this year is going to be fabulous. We stopped off and spoke with his gym coach who had already found out who Caysen's primary teacher is this year. He said that Caysen was going to have a good year this year, and while he isn't bothered by Caysen's "smart assness", he can see how it can be distracting in a classroom setting. Caysen is really sarcastic, ummm kind like his mama ha ha ha. I know I need to set the example, but it is just how I am, and truthfully my entire family is the same way. We don't mean it negatively, it's just easier to be sarcastic than it is to be dry and dull. Caysen is always respectful, and minds his manners, but he can be a bit of a smartass.   Day 2 of not smoking is going well. I really want to smoke, but at the same time, I haven't been nauseated today. I almost drove to the corner store, and Caysen touched my arm and said " but mommy, I don't want you sick anymore." I made a u-turn and headed to the house. I have eaten more today than I have in a week, and been able to keep everything down. I'm still only getting in 400-500 calories a day, but it's better than 200. I got a little nauseous right after we ate only because it's hot outside today, and when I get hot, I get icky feeling. The heat pretty much zaps me.     John called this morning, and we were able to talk for 40 minutes. He is so ready to come home. Projected return date is the same so far, but I'm not getting my hopes up. He told me this morning, just be prepared to be flexible and expect delays. He literally made my day today, I was pretty down in the dumps, and he knew exactly what to say. We had a good giggle over my fat roll, it's an inside joke, y'all definitely wouldn't understand it, but lordy it's hilarious. We both had a good giggle, and he told me how much he had missed hearing me laugh. I haven't had a good laugh in months it seems like.   Anyways, August is techincally 2/3 done, just another 10-11 days and then we'll definitely be in the homestretch.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

Random Update

So, I had my follow up appointment today. Labs looked great, and the final drain has been removed. I talked to him about the nausea and acid reflux type stuff I have been dealing with this last week every time I ate. He prescribed Prilosec, and Zofran for the nausea since the Phenergan was making me so drowsy. I've taken a Zofran and started the Prilosec when I got home, and I feel fabulous. The last pocket that is in my pelvic cavity is shrinking, but the drain was draining anymore so he removed it. He said that the culture wasn't growing anything so my body should absorb the remaining fluid. The culture came back clear for any bacteria, he said something along the lines of "sterile fluid", so I am hoping for the best. He said if it comes back, they will have to get to transrectally. All my fingers and toes are crossed that it goes away. I'm pretty sure "transrectally" is not a pleasant procedure.   For the first time in 2 months, I almost feel normal. I'm hoping that this feeling continues. I've actually been able to eat one of those little packets of colby/cheddar cheese, and I didn't get sick.   John will be home in a couple of months, and he freaked out when I sent him a face picture. He said I didn't look like the same woman. I lost 7 pounds this last week, but I think it's because I couldn't eat hardly anything and everything I ate went right through me.   I'm getting nervous for his return. I look completely different, I've lost 55lbs total and it's going to be so different when he comes home. He's been working out like crazy and gained 25lbs. He sent me a picture, and may I just say, GOOD LORD, he's gotten so "bulky/buff", I don't know a better word for it. We're going to have a great time when he comes home, and it's going to be like falling in love all over again. We're both beyond ready for this deployment to be over. He's 100% homesick, and is really missing us.   Everything else is going well. Caysen starts school in a couple of weeks. I'm going to do a deep cleaning on the house once my energy returns. I'm ready to feel good enough to clean my house.   Hope everyone is doing well ! ! !
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

0
 

Keep rolling, rolling

I've lost 29lbs, and almost can't believe it. I'm 25% closer to my goal weight, and I actually feel pretty good today. I'm staying hydrated, and trying to keep distracted. I haven't been hungry at all, and that is such a refreshing feeling. I guess after so many years of eating large quantities, not eating, or even being hungry is quite odd. But, I welcome it.   I have errands to run tomorrow, and had planned on doing them earlier. Least to say, procrastination has won. I ended up staying up way too late watching TV, and slept in. But, tonight, I'm going to bed earlier and will get up and get things accomplished.   Caysen will be home in 4 days. It feels like an eternity since I've seen him when in reality it's only been 3 weeks. It's been the longest 3 weeks, and I'll be so happy to have him home with me.   I can't wait for July to get here. 3 months until the husband comes home, we're both so excited, and I'm really excited for him to see me for the first time.   Hope everyone else out there doing well. . .
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

Whew I feel better

I was beginning to feel a bit blah, but the protein really helped tonight. I still haven't been hungry, and I'm trying my very best to get in as much liquid as I can. Right now, I'm working on my 3rd 16oz glass. I'm actually finding that plain water goes down best.   I'm not having any signs of dehydration. So, I'm going to try to get in 32 additional ounces before I go to bed for the night. I'll probably be up until midnight, but I took a 2 hour nap this afternoon.   John is doing well. We're halfway through this deployment, and I think the distance and time apart is finally starting to weigh on me. Maybe it's just because of everything that's transpired, but we talked about it. He reassured me that everything is going to be okay when he gets home.   I'm growing rather bored sitting at home, but I'm also trying to take it really easy. I talked to the agency owner today. I told her that Dr. M doesn't want me to go back for at least a month. They need to hire someone, and I'm not upset about it. I'm actually quite relieved. I have no plans on going back. John is pretty insistent on me getting healthy, and recovering fully without the stress of going back to work.   I hope everyone is doing well. Today is just one more day closer to the best husband in the world being home. 8 days until Caysen, the best son in the universe, comes home from Texas. Plus, my brother and best friend are bringing Caysen home, and staying for a week. I can't wait to see my family. . .
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

0
 

I'm FREE

I went in and had the drains and line removed from my arm. No more TPN, and no more cumbersome drains .   I am on clears for 2 weeks, and then I go back in to discuss transitioning into full liquids/mushies on July 9th. I can't believe how good it feels to not have all that crap attached to my body.   My main goal is to stay hydrated. Dr. M isn't going to release me for work for at least a month. He said he just wants me to take it really easy. I can't vacuum, sweep or mop, but I can fold and put away laundry. Luckily, I have an amazing neighbor, who volunteered to come over and help me out with the housework.   My younger brother, and best friend are heading out here on July 4th from Texas. They had this little vacation planned, and it worked out that they can bring Caysen home at the same time. 10 more days until they get here! ! !   Overall, it's been a great morning.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

Today was amazing

I went in for my follow up today, and it went great.   3 out of 4 of my goals were achieved.   NO LEAKS ! ! ! YAY YAY   The TPN has been decreased by half.   I started clears.   I still have the drains, but he said that is a precaution because if the drain fluid changes colors/consistency, that could be a sign something is wrong. I go back Wednesday afternoon and if I don't have any fever issues, no abdominal pain, no vomiting, and the drains stay clear, the TPN will be discontinued and he'll pull the line out of my arm.   I was so relieved I cried. He said my new stomach looked good. I got home this afternoon and started sipping water with the Special K protein water packet and it's the best thing stuff in the world. I get a little burpy/gurgly when I drink, but he said that was normal since my stomach hasn't had to work in 3 weeks. It's been an amazing day. I went to Wal-Mart picked up some odds and ends, and least to say that wore me out.   Then, tonight John was able to call, and we actually were able to talk for about 30 minutes. It was so amazing to hear his voice. It's been a week since we were able to actually talk. Their Capt. told them to call their families to let us know they were all okay after yesterday's events over there. He said he was fine, and wasn't close to the bombs. He wouldn't tell me if he was close to them. He doesn't want me to go back to work, and I really don't want to either. After this experience, I don't want to miss my son's stuff anymore. We're fine on money, and he said he'd rather have me home and getting healthy, taking care of the home and Caysen than dealing with all the stress of the agency. I tried being a housewife/stay at home mom before, and I got bored, but I think this time it will be different. My perspective has changed, and I've decided, I'm not going to miss out on events with my child and husband anymore.   Overall, I had a spectacular day, and I hope tomorrow goes smoothly as well.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

0
 

Tomorrow is going to be a good day

Tomorrow, I have 4 goals.   #1 NO LEAKS   #2 Get the TPN decreased   #3 Get jp drains out   #4 Start clear liquids   I'm excited for tomorrow with a little bit of nervousness. I'm ready for the next step in recovery. I've felt good and haven't had any problems this last week. I've made it through the longest 9 days of my life. I remember on Tuesday really feeling down, and I didn't feel like the 22nd was ever going to get here. I'm not looking forward to the ct scan because the last experience on that table was horrible, but it's a necessary evil.   I'll update once I get back home tomorrow afternoon. My mantra for tomorrow is "no leaks, no leaks, no leaks".
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

0
 

It's just one of those days. . .

My phone rang this morning to let me know John's base had been bombed, and that communication was going to be down for several days. She told me to check Yahoo, and right there it was in black and white. My heart just sank, but she reassured me that if John would of been affected, I would of been contacted by now.   It's been a long day already, and think it's dragging on because I'm looking forward to tomorrow so much. I go back to the surgeon tomorrow in hopes of good news for the TPN bag to be decreased. I'm also ready for the jp drains to come out.   The pets are all doing okay. Hank (basset hound) is being needy, but I feel bad because he is used to the kiddo being home. Harley (cat) is being his old, cantankerous self, and Boxster (the turtle) is doing just fine.   On the weight loss front, I haven't lost anything in a couple of days. This stupid TPN is giving me over 1800 calories a day, the first nurses were mistaken when they told me close to 3000 calories. The dietician told me my body needed that many to recover. So, I'm even more hopeful that my surgeon decreases this stuff, and lets me start getting in some liquids. I know it'll be okay in the long run.   I warned y'all it would be rambling. I hope everyone has had a good weekend. . .
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

0
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