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About this blog

I want to use this blog as a place to vent, share, and journal everything. It may not all be related to my weight loss so just be prepared for ramblings.

Entries in this blog

 

Not a lot to report

I think I've hit that wall in my journey where a patient just kind of starts living, and forgets about surgery all together.   It's been 8 days since I had my gallbladder removed and finally today I weighed in at 141. They pumped me full of fluids for the surgery because eating and drinking was still painful immediately post-op. I gained 7lbs with the surgery. I hadn't been eating all that great since surgery until the last couple of days, and I'm fairly sure that's why my body was holding onto the water weight.   John caught a chest cold, and then passed it onto me. I've been sick all week, and downright miserable. Coughing is a chore, and definitely causes the incisions from GB surgery to hurt. I am still bloated, but finally feeling somewhat normal. I started taking a prescription cough syrup with codeine that I had leftover from last summer just to get relief, and luckily it's helping.   I've been cooped up in the house all week with the exception of lunch out of Tuesday. Once I got home, I felt horrible, spiked a fever and was hacking up a lung. I plan on starting the Wellbutrin again next week in hopes to be smoke free by March 1st.   We are no longer preventing pregnancy. We decided if it happens it happens. I'm still charting, and watching my cycle, but we're not trying to prevent pregnancy. The main reason for this change in our April plan is that I'm comfortable with trying, and John maybe making a change in career paths with the Air Force that will have him gone for 6+months for training. I'm ready to have a baby now. I really want to have a baby before I'm 34. My December birthday is creeping up on me, and I'm definitely feeling the crunch time.   Other than that, there really isn't a lot going on. I think I'm recovered from GB surgery, and have a f/u on February 22nd. I am pissed that my surgeon has restricted the majority of my working out, and weight training for an entire 6 weeks. I'll just have to wait it out, and try to deal with it. Mentally, I feel defeated, but I know it's only temporary. I really want to lose this stomach fat roll. It's keeping me out of smaller sizes. I am happy in a junior 9, and some 10's. But, when I hear about others being the same weight or even weighing a few pounds more than me being in a size 6, it just frustrates the snot out of me. I want to be in a smaller size, but my tummy fat won't allow it. No matter how "small" I get, I feel I'll always have this pouch/flap on my lower abdomen. I know that I can shrink it, and there is no sense in getting upset since I'm going to be pregnant. One day, I'll get it removed, or I'll work hard enough for it to not bother me.   Sorry for the rant. It's just one of those days.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Non-Weightloss related

This waiting game is killing me. I missed 5 phone calls from John and Monday, and he's yet to call back to give me an exact homecoming date.   Luckily, I have most of the "to-do list" completed. I have to still buy his new TV, and mow the yard. But, the rest of the housework is done. I know he'll be home sometime next week. I bought the homecoming outfit, I have everything planned EXCEPT for the actual day I can expect him home.   I have been patient through all of this, but this waiting game is started to really unravel me. I'm just so ready for this to be all over and done with. I know I just need to stay busy, and keep my mind occupied. We're so close, and I'm just getting antsy.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

My first stall

and I'm not really sure how I feel about it.   There is a part of me that is ecstatic that my weight loss has hit a plateau, BUT (you knew there was a but in there), I am also frustrated because I am so close to goal. 6 fricken pounds, and I've been stalled about 9 days. I am by no means disappointed with my results thus far, and I know exactly why I've stalled.   #1 - My tastebuds have returned to normal, and I have new found love of chocolate. Especially, white chocolate with crushed up candy canes. Yes, they are divine. Caysen brought a bag of homemade candies from school home, and he nor John like them. So, they are all mine.   #2 - I'm not eating breakfast. I have always hated eating breakfast, and I did really well the first 4.5-5 months. The last month I don't think I've eaten breakfast at all. I'm eating 2 meals per day, and I feel great.   #3 - I've incorporated more carbs into my meals. I still get in my protein first, but I can eat carbs like a champ. If I want to snack, I eat crackers with flavored cream cheese. And, I have a fabulous habit of eating beef jerky if you're wondering how I get my protein in with just 2 meals.   #4 - I haven't been to the gym in almost a month. Our vacation to WV screwed up my schedule. Come home 2 days later and got the blood clot. That kept me out of the gym for 2.5 weeks, and now I have lost my motivation. I have to get back to it PRONTO ! ! !   #5 - I need to maintain as close to my goal of 150 pounds so we can try to conceive late spring of 2010. If I get below 135, I'm in trouble with my surgeon and he won't let me start TTC until I can prove that I can maintain 140-150 for at least 3-5 months.   I'm not really upset about the stall because it's not a horrible thing. I'm enjoying a normal, healthy lifestyle. I'm eating anything and everything I want and need. I am by no means complaining about the stall because I know that I am responsible for it.   It's a catch 22 situation in all honesty. I could go back to basics, and drop these last 6+ pounds in a matter of 2 weeks and get to goal. Or, I could keep doing what I am doing, lose it over the next 6 weeks, and still be able to maintain.   John thinks and verbally expresses that I've lost enough weight. He is worried about me once again, and while I know it's out of love and concern, him being the food police is really starting to bug the snot out of me. He also is on me on the time about my vitamins, and my daily food consumption when he is not home. He even goes so far to ask Caysen if I ate or not. I do not need to be monitored like a baby. I think my independence is being a bit threatened and it's getting on my nerves. I think everyone here that follows my life, knows/realizes that I love my husband, but this food police thing is getting a bit absurd, and I'm not willing to lie to my husband, but for the love of everything holy, he's got to losen the reins or I'm going to go insane.   I'm just cranky, and needed to vent. I plan on hitting the gym after the New Year since our trip to Texas has been postponed until Spring 2010. I am not even going to try to go this week. My heart isn't into it, and my work out buddy is out of state visiting family for Christmas. Maybe when she returns next week, we can go a couple of times.   I know that I need to get back to basics. Funny thing is that I'm not craving carbs, nor do they make more "hungry" or trigger any further "bad" habits. I still stay below 30grams of carbs per day so it isn't like I'm consuming more carbs than protein. I would say my diet is fairly balanced. There are some days when I just do not want to eat meat, so once to twice a week, I may skip meat at one of my meals.   I'm not going to lie to anyone here, or myself, this stall has me frustrated, but it's all on me, and I'm not really sure if it's more important for me to get to goal, or really "feel good" about my lifestyle and relationship with food right now.   Maybe, we'll see how next week goes, and if the scale moves. If it doesn't, I'll probably stop all carbs, and go on a protein and clear liquid fest. Until then, I'm going to continue to enjoy my daily life and choices.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Much better day

Today was so much better. John is having to work mid-shift. It's technically 5pm to 5am, but he's been able to leave early between 2am and 4am all week. I had just gotten used to him being home, and in bed with me so sleeping has been a challenge this week coupled with the tooth pain. Anyways, last night I tossed and turn until 3am when John got home, and then had to get up and go bowling.   I had such a great day. I bowled 2 great frames, and 1 crappy frame. Afterwards, 10 of us headed to lunch at TGI Fridays. I ordered the pot stickers, and was so amazed that I only ate the stuffing of 3 of them, and the shell of 2. They tasted amazing, and I tolerated them really well. One of the other ladies was hinting at "loving the pot stickers" so I told her to help herself because I couldn't even remotely finish the appetizer. I felt great when I left Fridays, and swung by the pharmacy on base for my Prilosec refill. Since I had to go to the pharmacy, I stopped by the surgical clinic to check my weight on their scale, and I was so excited that it matched by scale at home. The receptionist at the surgery clinic didn't recognize me until I showed her my dependent id card. She was shocked, and told me that I looked great. I love her to pieces. My surgeon has already deployed, and won't be back for 6 months :cursing:   I don't have a follow up scheduled until December. At that time, they'll pull more labs, and monitor my weight.   I received my calcium magnesium citrate with vitamin d today from vitacost.com. I'm so excited to try it. I'll post a review of the taste/texture and so forth tomorrow. I really need to get better with the calcium supplement, and hopefully this will do the trick.   Overall, it was a great day. I came home, hung out with John for a bit, Caysen got home from school, and immediately copped major attitude. It's pre-puberty, and it's going to drive me insane. But, we're nipping it in the butt because I'm not going to have an unruly child.   My jaw still hurts. Chewing meat is out of the question unless it's pureed/super mushy, so I'm sticking with soft foods for the next couple of days.   Hope everyone is doing well.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

Military ball, swimsuits, swimming in the gulf, milestones

This last week was a whirlwind. We had the Security Forces ball on Friday, and it was awesome. I was complimented on my dress by a lot of strangers, and my husband's face just lit up every time someone told us what a great looking couple we were. I don't think I've ever felt so fabulous. It was my first ball, my first formal since my senior year prom. Least to say, it was emotional, and fun all rolled into one.   Saturday we headed out with some friends on their boat. We fished, swam, saw dolphins, and had a great time. I did buy a swimsuit, and felt amazing in it. I did buy a cover up, but it's just this lacy thing with sleeves. I felt confident walking into the shoppette on base just wearing that, and didn't think twice about anyone else seeing me. For the first time since 8th grade, that's 19yrs for those counting LOL, that I haven't been self conscious. Not to mention, this is the first time since 8th grade that I've owned a swimsuit. It was all new territory for me. But, I met the mental challenge head on, and conquered it. I couldn't believe that I wasn't worried about what people were thinking. I just let everything go, and I feel like a huge weight (no pun intended) has been lifted off of me. I am just living life for the first time, and you know what, it feels amazing.   We were busy all weekend. The husband got sunburnt and looks like a lobster, the kiddo told me how beautiful I looked in my gown, and I had an amazing time without all the worries, and self-doubt. That's huge milestone in my journey. I don't get many NSVs anymore, I'm just living, and that alone is the biggest NSV thus far. I had to realize that I was taking all the little things for granted. Like, not huffing and puffing after lugging groceries in from the truck, my knees not screaming at me after walking around the mall for 2-3 hours (sometimes more if I hit other stores when I'm in the shopping mood), all the things that made me miserable when I was fat are gone. Physically and mentally I'm stronger and healthier than I have ever been. That's not to say, that I don't have a bad day here and there, we all do, and I've learned that it's okay to have a bad day. I am still critical of myself, and my flaws. I want to not fret over the wrinkly skin, and for the most part, it doesn't bother me. Some days are just tougher than others, and I have to remind myself of where I came from, and look to the future.   The sleeve has given me a life I never had before, and I can't wait to live each day to the fullest.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Maintenance

This is going to be my last post about maintenance because every time I get excited about being able to maintain, I lose weight.   Maybe I'll gain it back. But, I've been tracking, yesterday, I managed to get in 1500 calories with the assistance of a late night snack(damn insomnia) and a glass of wine at lunch. Every other day I've been topping out at 1200-1300 calories per day with 60-80 grams of carbs, and 60-70 grams of protein. I'm eating a really balanced diet, and eating up to 6 fricken times a day. Eating cheesy poofs, and plenty of other no no foods occasionally.   Well, Sunday, I weighed 132 solid. Been holding between 130-132 for about a month now, and today, I hop on the scale and I'm at 128.5lbs. SERIOUSLY ! ! !   I've cut cardio, been walking a little more. Lifting light weights, and just doing crunches, haven't even been bothering doing my butt/thigh stuff.   I'm so frustrated, and truthfully just mentally drained over it. I can not eat anymore than I have been. I'm essentially grazing throughout the day to just sneak in 30-50 more calories per day. It's so exhausting.   I know many people would love to have this problem. I know I probably shouldn't be upset, and I hope none of y'all have to deal with difficulties maintaining. Losing was by far easier than maintaining. I feel like I'm force-feeding myself. I'm carrying snacks in my vehicle and purse to make sure I eat enough especially when I'm out and about.   I just want my body to settle into a comfortable weight. I am not going to drink weight gainer, or just sucking down milkshakes, but I have got to figure this crap out.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

11
 

Long time no blog

I have been really absent as of late on the blogging. I feel like I'm just kind of living now, and sometimes don't even realize I have the sleeve anymore. Eating small portions, drinking fluids, having a snack here and there is all so "normal". I guess that's what I can call it because it's just the same thing day in and day out. I don't really have a lot to report on the sleeve journey.   In other news, we are still trying to conceive. I will start the ovulation monitor thing again because my charting was off. This fertility crap is confusing. I remember when I was paranoid about getting pregnant, and avoiding it all costs. Now, that I actually want it, it's not happening. But, such is life, and I'm trying to be patient. It just isn't working out so well.   John was promoted to his next rank. It's a big jump in pay, and we won't see it until next year because of how the AF promotes people, but hey we'll at least get it. Plus, this opens many, many doors for him in his career. We're both ecstatic to see what the future holds.   I'm also considering going to school. The military will actually pay for me to get an associates or a certification in portal, high demand career. I've been looking at pharmacy tech, or radiology tech. I'm not a fan of school, and have zero desire to go 4 years to get a BA/BS when I know so many people with degrees that are working outside of their field due to the craptastic economy. At least with pharmacy or radiology tech, I will be able to find a job fairly easily as I've been researching different options, in different areas of the country. I have to think "future" because we never know where the AF will send us. Honestly, it's just a crapshoot away for us to end up in Minot, ND, and I pray daily that we do not get sent there. I just have to be prepared and know that I have to choose a career path that will benefit us now, and in future. John will retire at the age of 38-40 from the AF. We've talked about what the future will hold. I want him to take off a couple of years, and finish out his Masters degree. He can play Mister Mom while I go back to work. I could do insurance, or something else based on the certification I get. With his retirement pay, and me working full time, we would be sitting pretty. I'll be in my mid-40s when he retires, and could easily support our family. Caysen will be in college or out on his own by this time, and God-willing, we'll have at least one more baby in the house. Can you tell I'm a planner? I know that one of my "faults" is over-analyzing or trying to plan too much. With the military, the best laid plans will be ripped right out from under your feet, and you have to start all over. I've learned this in the last 4 years, but it doesn't keep me from being somewhat prepared.   I am working on getting a blog set up on blogspot.com and I'll share the link when it's ready and I start blogging over there. It's not going to be about just the sleeve. It'll be my recipes that I tweak, life happenings, and some of writings/poetry tossed in there for good measure.   Life is good. At a year out, I can honestly say a lot has changed. But, thus far, it's all changed for the better.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Long term sleeve experiences and research links for VSG

I posted this on the forum, but wanted to a place to keep these links for people who need them.   List compiled by Mac on her OH profile.   Long-term Sleeve Experiences - 2 Years on January 15, 2010 9:11 pm   Diligence-is-always-required   Stalls-Happen   Update-from-a-2-Year-Post-Op-VSGer   2-year-surgiversary-and-feeling   Two-and-one-half-years-post-op   TWO-YEARS-YALL   Just-Passed-My-2-Year-Surgiversary   questions-for-post-ops-2-years-out-or-more   2-years-out-food-amount-info   anyone-2-years-out   Happy-2-year-anniversary-to-me   2-years-post-op-TODAY   2-5-Years-After-a-VSG   Everday-life-at-2-5-years-out   2-1-2-year-update   Has-it-really-been-2-years   2-1-2-year-update   Two-Year-Surgiversary   2-year-update-portrait-of-a-heavyweight-a-bit-late   Two-year-surgiversary 2-and-1-2-years-later 2-years-since-my-surgery-any-advice-on-face-lift   2-year-post-op-pics   Two-Years-Before-amp-After-Pic 2-year-update-portrait-of-a-heavyweight-a-bit-late Thought-you-might-enjoy-an-update-with-a-few-pics Busybusymom-is-back-2-years-post-op TWO-YEARS-BABY   Any-old-timers-still-lurking-the-boards   Long-term Sleeve Experiences - 3 Years on June 8, 2009 10:43 pm Three years out   Three and a half years after Vertical Gastrectomy My Story   A quick 2 year and 3 year VSG update   Third Year Surgiversay   Not always easy but always worth it   Very Discouraged 3 years out       Links for researching the VSG on March 15, 2009 11:18 pm Here are some links I've collected when I was researching the sleeve. ASMBS position paper on sleeve - includes reports of early studies LapSF Educational presentation to FACS - includes some 2 year results LapSF Two Year Study LapSF Five Year Study - abstract only LapSF Five Year Study - presentation (requires Windows to play) Literature review on the sleeve - requires $$ to get the full text unfortunately Sleeve best for over 50 crowd Video of a sleeve with lots of education discussion Video of a sleeve that is more about the operation Ghrelin levels after RnY and sleeve Ghrelin levels after band and sleeve Diabetes resolution in RnY vs. Sleeve Comparison of band to sleeve - literature review  
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Life Love and Goodwill stores

Life has been fab since the husband came home 10 days ago. We've kept ourselves busy, and just enjoy being with each other. We did have to postpone our weekend getaway because of the stupid root canal situation with my tooth. $400 hit to the pocket book was not expected, so now we're waiting on the travel voucher, and the family separation pay to come in so I can get my tooth fixed, and we can get away for a night or two.   Today, we picked up an amazing weight bench, and weight plates at a garage sale then picked up more weights/dumbbells from a guy selling some of craigslist. John made a mini-gym in our garage. He worked out this afternoon, and boy, let me just say he looks smokin' hot working out. I could do without all the grunting, and heavy breathing, but I guess it comes with the territory.   His working out has motivated me. I start my walking regimen on Monday morning bright and early 6:30am, and then I'll lift the little weights to help tone my arms. I'm going to get back to working out with the Wii Active and doing my stand up crunches, and lunges. My thighs are super flabby. It's gross, and I know I can tone them up.   We also stopped by the Goodwill store. I bought a bunch of lightweight crop pants to go walking in, and men's t-shirts. I just can't bring myself to pay full price for clothes to work out in and that won't fit in a month. I desperately need new bras. When I bowl on Wednesday with the girls, my right boob pops out of my bra everytime I roll a ball down the lane. It gets annoying because I'm constanly readjusting myself.   We're having a garage sale within the next 2 weeks. John brought home so much gear the Air Force will not take back, and it's ridiculous. 4 deployments, our garage looks like an ArmyNavy Store. The garage is so full the stuff from this last deployment has taken over our bedroom, and I even have a 45 gallon tote in my kitchen. RIDICULOUS. Not to mention the 3/40 gallon trash bags I have full of clothes from my closet and Caysen's dresser. Tomorrow, we're attacking the guest room closet to get rid of yet again more clothing. Whatever stuff we don't sell at the garage sale will go to the mission store and Goodwill.   I'm almost in a 14 jean. WOOT WOOT. It's the stupid belly fat preventing me from getting into them so that has me kicked into high gear to start walking and losing the belly. I now have the "noassatall" syndrome. My hiney has completely disappeared, but my hips remain. BLAH, I hope the hips slim down once the belly gets smaller.   All is well here in lovely NW Florida. It's been super hot with high humidity lately, and it makes me miserable. BUT, fall is definitely around the corner, and I can't wait.   We're having family pictures taken again. We had family pics taken last December, and they came out wonderfully. I belong to a Myspace group of military spouses, and so many of them are just getting started and give great rates. This new photographer is only charging $50 for 2 hours, and 2 outfit changes, and a CD of all the edited images with a copyright release. AWESOME PRICE ! ! ! She takes great photos from what she has already taken, and I can't wait to have new pics to send to the fam for the holidays. Last year we did beach pictures, this year I think we're going to the historic district and have some great pictures for the album.   I've rambled enough. Anyone who made it through all of that deserve a "no sugar added" cookie, or protein bar ! ! !
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Life after WLS (cross posted from my Facebook note page)As I approach my 9 month post

As I approach my 9 month post-op mark, I am trying to maintain my current loss. I won't deny having trouble maintaining, but I am doing my very best to quit losing as I am in the normal BMI range, and I feel great at my current weight. I'm technically 20 pounds below my goal weight, but my ideal weight for my height and frame is anywhere between 114-129 pounds. Living life post weight loss surgery has changed me more than just the physical stuff. Mentally, I feel better, emotionally, well that's debatable because of the hormone flux that we endure when we lose large amounts of weight, but for the good news, I no longer seek comfort in food. I literally eat to live instead of living to eat.   I eat anything and everything I want just in moderation. I still eat Pringles and Snickers, but instead of eating the entire tube of Pringles, 5 satisfy me, instead of a King-size Frozen Snickers, 1 little Fun size bar cures my chocolate fix. It's really pretty fabulous. With the surgery I had, they removed about 75% of my stomach and with removing the stretchy part of the stomach (fundus) the hormone that causes hunger called Ghrelin is removed as well . I eat about 1 cup of solid food per meal, and I eat 4 times a day, with some snacks on some days. I honestly eat between 1100-1200 calories, about 65grams of carbs, and over 80 grams of protein per day without the use of protein supplements. So, by no means am I malnourished, or starving myself. My post-op lab work has been perfect, my resting heart rate has now dropped to normal levels, and I am more active. If I wasn't "healthy" or if I were "so sick", I believe my labs, and energy levels would reflect that. I've had several comments of what I would like to believe is genuine concern such as "I've never seen your face so thin" "you look sick". Well, no one has ever seen me under 200 pounds for the last 12 years. However, I recall so many comments from family and friends such as " you're such a beautiful girl, now if you could just lose that extra weight you'd be gorgeous." or "she's got such a pretty face" or " it's not too hard to just work out, and push yourself away from the table." "no one is going to marry you with as fat as you are" (boy were they wrong on that one, I married an amazing man), so what gives? Either you love me fat, or skinny, or keep the insensitive comments to yourself. Some of you may wonder why I'm posting this, honestly I'm just tired of the comments from people that are supposed to love me the most. Not to mention, the fact that they seem to forget that they made just the opposite of their comments to me for many years. Literally, I was 185 when I graduated high school, 237 pounds the day I delivered Caysen in June 1998, so of course, I'm not going to look the same 15 years later, and 140 pounds smaller from my heaviest weight.   I started the weight loss surgery journey at 270 pounds, and today I'm weighing 130 pounds. I've literally lost another human being or a little more than half of my former self. I'm not bragging or gloating by any means. I am damn proud of my success, and I am not ashamed of my choice to have weight loss surgery to use as a tool to get me to my goal weight, and help me maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle. No one can honestly know the struggles of obesity until they have been there. No one can tell me that I made the wrong choice, and no one will bring me down. I haven't ever felt this amazing in my life. I can run around the backyard with Lil C, I can work out for over an hour without my entire body aching, I can walk through the mall for hours without getting winded, I can wear normal size clothing, I can fit into a doctor's office chair without worrying about if I'm going to have trouble getting out of it. I can fit into a booth at a restaraunt without having to scoot the table over closer to John and Caysen. So, whether you like that I'm not fat anymore, or you're concerned about my health, I wish you would of cared about my health when I was morbidly obese instead of worrying about my pretty face.   If you have a friend or family member struggling with obesity, don't tell them it's easy to just workout and eat less, don't tell them they have a pretty face, tell them that you love them, and you want them to get healthy so you can have them in your life for as long as possible. Encourage them, educate them on good nutrition, be an example not an enabler, and above all support them if they choose to make the very life-changing decision to have weight loss surgery. When they lose weight, celebrate with them, when they struggle because believe me it's still a struggle even with surgery, encourage them, and reassure them that they can successful.   Just my thoughts for the day.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

5
 

Leaving on a jet plane

On Friday, I'm catching a flight to Virginia to see my bestest friend in the entire world, and to meet my godson. Her priest allowed her sister to stand in my place during his christening. Anyways, I love to fly, but hated it because I was so fat before. Now, I'm actually looking forward to flying and being comfortable for the entire flight. I won't have to worry about squishing my neighbor, or the seatbelt not fitting properly.   I haven't seen Meghan in 2 years, and honestly she is my soulmate. I don't believe your spouse has to be your soulmate. I also believe you can have more than one soulmate. She has been a huge support for me through the last 4 years. She and I share a weird connection. Seriously, the last time we saw each other(2 yrs ago), and said our good-byes, both of our hearts hurt. I have never had a female friend that I could count on. She is simply amazing, and I honestly don't know what I would do without her in my life. She is one of the strongest women I know, and we've grown so much through our friendship.   I'll be gone over the weekend, and highly doubt that I'll have time to log onto VST with the exception of Friday afternoon sometime. We are going to the St. Patty's day parade on Saturday, and then bar hopping on Saturday night. I come home Monday evening, and will try to check in with everyone at that point.   Luckily, I have appointments, lunches, and bowling tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday I have a follow up with my PCP regarding the low blood pressure issues. So, hopefully my week doesn't drag on.   I'm so ready to go away for a much needed break. I love my family as you all know, but honestly I need to get away from everything here.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

2
 

Lapband Information -Just to bookmark this information

http://www.lapband.com/en/learn_about_lapband/safety_informa tion/ Patients can experience complications after surgery. Most complications are not serious but some may require hospitalization and/or re-operation. In the United States clinical study, with 3-year follow-up reported, 88% of the 299 patients had one or more adverse events, ranging from mild, moderate, to severe. Nausea and vomiting (51%), gastroesophageal reflux (regurgitation) (34%), band slippage/pouch dilatation (24%) and stoma obstruction (stomach-band outlet blockage) (14%) were the most common post-operative complications. In the study, 25% of the patients had their band systems removed, two-thirds of which were following adverse events. Esophageal dilatation or dysmotility (poor esophageal function) occurred in 11% of patients, the long-term effects of which are currently unknown. Constipation, diarrhea and dysphagia (difficulty swallowing) occurred in 9% of the patients. In 9% of the patients, a second surgery was needed to fix a problem with the band or initial surgery. In 9% of the patients, there was an additional procedure to fix a leaking or twisted access port. The access port design has been improved. Four out of 299 patients (1.3%) had their bands erode into their stomachs. These bands needed to be removed in a second operation. Surgical techniques have evolved to reduce slippage. Surgeons with more laparoscopic experience and more experience with these procedures report fewer complications. Adverse events that were considered to be non-serious, and which occurred in less than 1% of the patients, included: esophagitis (inflammation of the esophagus), gastritis (inflammation of the stomach), hiatal hernia (some stomach above the diaphragm), pancreatitis (inflammation of the pancreas), abdominal pain, hernia, incisional hernia, infection, redundant skin, dehydration, diarrhea (frequent semi-solid bowel movements), abnormal stools, constipation, flatulence (gas), dyspepsia (upset stomach), eructation (belching), cardiospasm (an obstruction of passage of food through the bottom of the esophagus), hematemsis (vomiting of blood), asthenia (fatigue), fever, chest pain, incision pain, contact dermatitis (rash), abnormal healing, edema (swelling), paresthesia (abnormal sensation of burning, prickly, or tingling), dysmenorrhea (difficult periods), hypochromic anemia (low oxygen carrying part of blood), band system leak, cholecystitis (gall stones), esophageal ulcer (sore), port displacement, port site pain, spleen injury, and wound infection. Be sure to ask your surgeon about these possible complications and any of these medical terms that you dont understand. Back to Top What are the specific risks and possible complications?   Talk to your doctor about all of the following risks and complications:   Ulceration Gastritis (irritated stomach tissue) Gastroesophageal reflux (regurgitation) Heartburn Gas bloat Dysphagia (difficulty swallowing) Dehydration Constipation Weight regain Death Laparoscopic surgery has its own set of possible problems. They include:   Spleen or liver damage (sometimes requiring spleen removal) Damage to major blood vessels Lung problems Thrombosis (blood clots) Rupture of the wound Perforation of the stomach or esophagus during surgery Laparoscopic surgery is not always possible. The surgeon may need to switch to an "open" method due to some of the reasons mentioned here. This happened in about 5% of the cases in the U.S. Clinical Study. There are also problems that can occur that are directly related to the LAP-BAND� System:   The band can spontaneously deflate because of leakage. That leakage can come from the band, the reservoir, or the tubing that connects them. The band can slip There can be stomach slippage The stomach pouch can enlarge The stoma (stomach outlet) can be blocked The band can erode into the stomach Obstruction of the stomach can be caused by:   Food Swelling Improper placement of the band The band being over-inflated Band or stomach slippage Stomach pouch twisting Stomach pouch enlargement There have been some reports that the esophagus has stretched or dilated in some patients. This could be caused by:   Improper placement of the band The band being tightened too much Stoma obstruction Binge eating Excessive vomiting Patients with a weaker esophagus may be more likely to have this problem. A weaker esophagus is one that is not good at pushing food through to your stomach. Tell your surgeon if you have difficulty swallowing. Then your surgeon can evaluate this. Weight loss with the LAP-BAND� System is typically slower and more gradual than with some other weight loss surgeries. Tightening the band too fast or too much to try to speed up weight loss should be avoided. The stomach pouch and/or esophagus can become enlarged as a result. You need to learn how to use your band as a tool that can help you reduce the amount you eat. Infection is possible. Also, the band can erode into the stomach. This can happen right after surgery or years later, although this rarely happens. Complications can cause reduced weight loss. They can also cause weight gain. Other complications can result that require more surgery to remove, reposition, or replace the band. Some patients have more nausea and vomiting than others. You should see your physician at once if vomiting persists. Rapid weight loss may lead to symptoms of:   Malnutrition Anemia Related complications It is possible you may not lose much weight or any weight at all. You could also have complications related to obesity. If any complications occur, you may need to stay in the hospital longer. You may also need to return to the hospital later. A number of less serious complications can also occur. These may have little effect on how long it takes you to recover from surgery. If you have existing problems, such as diabetes, a large hiatal hernia (part of the stomach in the chest cavity), Barretts esophagus (severe, chronic inflammation of the lower esophagus), or emotional or psychological problems, you may have more complications. Your surgeon will consider how bad your symptoms are, and if you are a good candidate for the LAP-BAND� System surgery. You also have more risk of complications if you've had a surgery before in the same area. If the procedure is not done laparoscopically by an experienced surgeon, you may have more risk of complications. Anti-inflammatory drugs that may irritate the stomach, such as aspirin and NSAIDs, should be used with caution. Some people need folate and vitamin B12 supplements to maintain normal homocycteine levels. Elevated homocycteine levels can increase risks to your heart and the risk of spinal birth defects. You can develop gallstones after a rapid weight loss. This can make it necessary to remove your gallbladder. There have been no reports of autoimmune disease with the use of the LAP-BAND� System. Autoimmune diseases and connective tissue disorders, though, have been reported after long-term implantation of other silicone devices. These problems can include systemic lupus erythematosus and scleroderma. At this time, there is no conclusive clinical evidence that supports a relationship between connective-tissue disorders and silicone implants. Long-term studies to further evaluate this possibility are still being done. You should know, though, that if autoimmune symptoms develop after the band is in place, you may need treatment. The band may also need to be removed. Talk with your surgeon about this possibility. Also, if you have symptoms of autoimmune disease now, the LAP-BAND� System may not be right for you. Back to Top Removing the LAP-BAND� System   If the LAP-BAND� System has been placed laparoscopically, it may be possible to remove it the same way. This is an advantage of the LAP-BAND� System. However, an "open" procedure may be necessary to remove a band. In the U.S. Clinical Study, 60% of the bands that were removed were done laparoscopically. Surgeons report that after the band is removed, the stomach returns to essentially a normal state. At this time, there are no known reasons to suggest that the band should be replaced or removed at some point unless a complication occurs or you do not lose weight. It is difficult, though, to say whether the band will stay in place for the rest of your life. It may need to be removed or replaced at some point. Removing the device requires a surgical procedure. That procedure will have all the related risks and possible complications that come with surgery. The risk of some complications, such as erosions and infection, increase with any added procedure.   LapSf Study that I swiped from MacMadame's profile LapSF Educational presentation to FACS - includes some 2 year results LapSF Two Year Study LapSF Five Year Study - abstract only LapSF Five Year Study - presentation (requires Windows to play) Literature review on the sleeve - requires $ to get the full text unfortunately Sleeve best for over 50 crowd Video of a sleeve with lots of education discussion Video of a sleeve that is more about the operation Ghrelin levels after RnY and sleeve Ghrelin levels after band and sleeve Diabetes resolution in RnY vs. Sleeve Comparison of band to sleeve - literature review
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

Lacking motivation

John has officially been home a month now, and outside of a lot more sex, I have not been working out AT ALL ! ! ! I keep telling myself that I am going to the Y up the street to join, or I'm going to do this or that, but I never make it out of the house. It's pathetic, and I know that I need to do something, but I lack all motivation.   I decided today that I am going to get out of the house, and run by the post office and the Y once Caysen gets home from school around 2pm. I know if I am paying for something I will definitely go to the Y. They have great equipment, and some classes that I may participate in. I just need to get off my hiney and do it.   I've been eating more calories, and finally this week, my weight loss has slowed down. This last week I only lost 1.5-2lbs which is perfect. I'm very grateful I'm so close to goal, but I know that it's too much too fast. My arms look horrible, and my inner thighs are not looking great either. John commented that my stomach is definitely shrinking, but I know that working out will speed this process up significantly.   I need to really find some motivation, and need to set some goals. I'm know that working out will help me feel and look better. I have a friend who lives in CA that said she would be my accountability partner. We're going to set up a goal/reward system, and send each other text messages to hold each other accountable.   As for the Halloween function, it went great. The commander's wife bought me a witches hat to wear since I said I wasn't going to dress up. I wore it for a bit, but it is humid and icky. Everyone loved my ghost cookies, and the queso and chips were a huge hit. Of course, we ran into that one friend. She didn't speak to me, nor did I even acknowledge her presence. She waited until Caysen was by himself at the snack table, and went up to him said " hey Caysen what's up?" I had told Caysen all he had to say is "hello" and to be polite. He said " hi " and apparently she didn't hear him, and she snapped at him and said " you could at least say HI". How immature to talk to an 11 yr old is all I could think. John and I were sitting just 10 feet from them at the front table, and she never said a word to us. We passed each other in the hall several times, and all I did was smile, and keep walking. Caysen told me at the end of the evening, "mommy, I'm glad you always look nice when we go out, and you look really pretty tonight." It made me feel great. John agreed, and thought I looked great. I was able to buy a 12/14 cardigan, and tank tops from Wal-Mart, and had new jeans on. It was a good night. I really had a good time, and didn't let someone else's pettiness ruin my night. I did speak to her husband once the event wound down for a minute or two since John still works with him. One more week, and they are out of the squadron, and I never have to worry about dealing with her, or her crap again. I may run into her at Wal-Mart or on base, but at least they are out of the squadron, and I don't have to deal with them at functions.   Off to get ready to go to the Y, and write that check ! ! ! I'm going to do it. . .
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Keep rolling, rolling

I've lost 29lbs, and almost can't believe it. I'm 25% closer to my goal weight, and I actually feel pretty good today. I'm staying hydrated, and trying to keep distracted. I haven't been hungry at all, and that is such a refreshing feeling. I guess after so many years of eating large quantities, not eating, or even being hungry is quite odd. But, I welcome it.   I have errands to run tomorrow, and had planned on doing them earlier. Least to say, procrastination has won. I ended up staying up way too late watching TV, and slept in. But, tonight, I'm going to bed earlier and will get up and get things accomplished.   Caysen will be home in 4 days. It feels like an eternity since I've seen him when in reality it's only been 3 weeks. It's been the longest 3 weeks, and I'll be so happy to have him home with me.   I can't wait for July to get here. 3 months until the husband comes home, we're both so excited, and I'm really excited for him to see me for the first time.   Hope everyone else out there doing well. . .
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

Just when you think

you think you've got everything figured out, low and behold, you learn something else about yourself.   Today was a good day. I took Buddy (the 80lb German Shep) to the vet. Come to find out, he's awfully protective of me as he lunged at the guard at the gate when he reached for my military id card. I knew he was protective, but not that protective. At the vet, I opted to muzzle him before I let the tech get his vitals. Good thing I did because he was not a happy camper. But, all in all, the visit went great. Tomorrow is Hank's(the goofy, everyone is my best friend, basset hound) so it should be much easier.   So, you may be wondering what I learned about myself today. While at the vet, an attractive guy winked, waved and asked "how you doin?" in that almost Joey (from Friends) tone. I actually giggled like a 16 yr old school girl. I politely told him I was doing well. It was innocent, but good lord did it make me feel good. I think it still shocks me to get hit on by really attractive men. I mean, don't get me wrong, I never dated "ugly" guys. I had my preferences, and I have always been attracted to super cocky, assertive men. Umm, hence marrying my husband. What I learned today is that I may have dated a lot, had a full "dance card" so to speak when I was fat, but I never felt this way when I got hit on. I'm not sure I can fully explain it, but it was kind of cool to giggle and get that "blushed" feeling again after so many years.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

2
 

Just UGH

So, yesterday I had to break down and have the root canal done. They gave me a sedative that made me absolutely "wasted". I fell asleep at 7:30p, woke up at 3:30am, John got home at 4am, and we went back to bed at 4:30. I got up with Caysen to see him off for school, then I slept in until 11am. I've felt horrific all day. I've got a lot of pressure pain, my entire jaw hurts. I wish I would of just had the dang tooth pulled, but I know the consequences of having this particular tooth pulled.   Anyways, I'm crabby, and moody, and sore. The endodontist called me to check on me, and told me to expect pressure pain, and discomfort for the rest of the week. YAY isn't that exciting.   I can't eat anything of substance. Everything has to be mushy, and it hurts even trying to get that stuff down. I'm not happy. I feel like this entire situation has set me back after making such huge strives in being able to eat, FINALLY.   I know I'm just frustrated, and just want to feel good again. I'm sorry to whine, today just sucks, and I needed to vent it out.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

2
 

Just elated

I went shopping yesterday, and had so much fun. I had bought a pair of 16 Levi's 2 weeks ago, but they are now saggy in the hiney, so I went and exchanged them for a pair of workout pants, a new fall cardigan, and size 14 jeans at our base exchange. Then we headed off to the mall. Old Navy has amazing clearance racks, and I picked up a bunch new tops and a warm weather sweater in a size MEDIUM. I don't think I've worn a medium sweater since junior high. The shirts I bought were large, but I could of gone for the mediums. I'm still stuck in the "fatty" mindset sometimes, and I really hate trying on clothes at the store. Luckily, I will be able to shrink some of the shirts. Plus, Old Navy had military discount day, so I got over 100bucks of clothes for $71 ! ! !   Today, I headed to Wal-Mart for some essentials and browsed their clearance racks as well. I picked up some pajama pants, and new work out pants in the junior section size 13. I almost fell over when I tried them on. I couldn't believe I fit into a junior anything. I also had to try on this new "shirt dress" trend I'm seeing everywhere. No such luck, I looked at the tag after I took it off, and it was a Miley Cyrus dress. I just laughed at myself thinking I could even remotely justify my 32 year old a$$ buying a Miley Cyrus dress. I only tried on the work out pants because I need them since I plan on hitting the gym 5 days this week.   Next Monday, we are taking vacation to West Virginia to spend a week with John's family. I'm excited for the vacation, but it never fails that there is drama when we go. I'm hellbent on making it a good Thanksgiving week.   Other than that, not much going on. I'm feeling good, and able to eat more calories. I start day 1 of the strength training program. On Tuesday evening, I'm going to attend the Hip Hop dance class, Wednesday is Day 2, Thursday Day 3, and then Friday is Spinning class. The strength training program rotates every 3 days, and targets a different body area every day.   I hope everyone had a good weekend.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

2
 

John's heading out and . . .

my stomach is a total wreck. I've always suffered from GI issues during stress, and major issues. So, far today, I've choked down 1 pizza roll, and about 2oz of deli meat with 1oz of cheese.   This sucks, it hurts, but we'll survive. If you all could please keep our military in your thoughts and prayers. 30 troops have been injured, and it's total devastation down there.   If you want to help donate to our military, I have a list of supplies that are needed, and can give addresses for shipment of supplies.   It's just been one of those day.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

8
 

It's just one of those days. . .

My phone rang this morning to let me know John's base had been bombed, and that communication was going to be down for several days. She told me to check Yahoo, and right there it was in black and white. My heart just sank, but she reassured me that if John would of been affected, I would of been contacted by now.   It's been a long day already, and think it's dragging on because I'm looking forward to tomorrow so much. I go back to the surgeon tomorrow in hopes of good news for the TPN bag to be decreased. I'm also ready for the jp drains to come out.   The pets are all doing okay. Hank (basset hound) is being needy, but I feel bad because he is used to the kiddo being home. Harley (cat) is being his old, cantankerous self, and Boxster (the turtle) is doing just fine.   On the weight loss front, I haven't lost anything in a couple of days. This stupid TPN is giving me over 1800 calories a day, the first nurses were mistaken when they told me close to 3000 calories. The dietician told me my body needed that many to recover. So, I'm even more hopeful that my surgeon decreases this stuff, and lets me start getting in some liquids. I know it'll be okay in the long run.   I warned y'all it would be rambling. I hope everyone has had a good weekend. . .
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

0
 

I've lost that lovin' feeling

I have noticed over the last couple of weeks that the scale has become more of an afterthought. Maybe it's because I'm maintaining now, or I'm finally happy with where I'm at weight/size/shape wise. But, to be honest, I'm kind of mourning the loss of weighing all the time. I miss the high of jumping on the scale and seeing the numbers drop. I miss seeing the scale go down every day, and wondering what I can do to fill that void.   I've shopped until my little heart is content. I've decided to get some of my clothes altered because I didn't wear them that long, and I really love certain pieces.   I guess this is just a different phase of this journey that didn't really prepare myself for mentally or emotionally. I never denied being addicted to the scale, but I'm realizing that I am/was addicted to see those numbers drop every day. Now, it just says the same thing day in and day out.   I know I should be elated. I realize that I should be stoked about my results. But, from one addiction to another is a weird transition. And, now I'm left with nothing to find as exhilarating as the numbers on the scale going down every day.   Thought I would share my newest revelation. I need to find something to excite me and give me that "umph" of joy that I had during my losing stage.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

4
 

I'm NORMAL

It's been a long time coming, but I finally have a normal BMI. Not that I allow that to determine my overall health, but it's pretty awesome, right?   I am still on restricted activity for another 4 weeks which is driving me crazy, and I honestly think that is contributing to me still losing. I can't work out, and I'm going crazy. If I could build some muscle mass, I could still burn the fat, but not lose the pounds.   I'm feeling good, and enjoying food again after gb removal, but it took nearly 10 days for me to be able to eat normally.   Other than that, not a lot is going on. I've been shopping way too much, and really need to cut back. I got my wok in this week and can't wait until I get to use it. I'm so stoked for some homemade fried rice and mongolian noodles.   Cheers, and I hope everyone is doing well.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

I'm FREE

I went in and had the drains and line removed from my arm. No more TPN, and no more cumbersome drains .   I am on clears for 2 weeks, and then I go back in to discuss transitioning into full liquids/mushies on July 9th. I can't believe how good it feels to not have all that crap attached to my body.   My main goal is to stay hydrated. Dr. M isn't going to release me for work for at least a month. He said he just wants me to take it really easy. I can't vacuum, sweep or mop, but I can fold and put away laundry. Luckily, I have an amazing neighbor, who volunteered to come over and help me out with the housework.   My younger brother, and best friend are heading out here on July 4th from Texas. They had this little vacation planned, and it worked out that they can bring Caysen home at the same time. 10 more days until they get here! ! !   Overall, it's been a great morning.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

I did it, I did it

Today, I hit my first goal of 60lbs lost, and gone forever. I almost cried when I stepped on the scale. My initial goal was 60lbs lost before John got home, and I still have over 30 days before he gets home to see the new me.   I am feeling better every day, and am finally starting to enjoy eating some things. Some days are still a battle, but I know at least I am on the right track. I seriously can't believe I have lost this weight. I looked at myself closely in the mirror today. Even though my body looks kind of funny (I have the "spare tire" syndrome around my tummy), I know that it's something I can work on. I actually have a defined waist, my face isn't super chubby which to be honest was kind of adorable, but I love having a normal size neck so I can wear an 18" necklace, and it not look like a choker.   I'm not trying to brag, but I am seriously elated today. It's been a long, exhausting road, and today was a good day. I've learned to cherish the good, and drudge through the bad. The good is starting to outweigh the bad at this point, and I'm on my way to a healthier, more fulfilling life.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

Huge falling out with my mom

After 2.5 years of trying to get a normal relationship with my mom, it has all hit the fan again.   I can't even express my hurt, and true anger. I don't know if we'll ever get passed all of this, and if we do it isn't going to happen anytime soon.   Why does life have to be so difficult? Why can't we just get a long? When will I learn that it will never change?   Happily, I'm not seeking comfort in food. But, I am tired of allowing her to hurt me. I'm tired of trying to have a normal relationship and getting backhanded comments, and mean-spirited things said to me.   I tried to talk to her about it tonight, and it turned into a huge clusterf*ck. Now, I'm stuck going to Texas without John because he can't get leave, and nowhere to really stay because I don't want to stay with her after this episode. It's so complicated, and I'm so hurt. I don't think I'll ever be able to have a normal, healthy relationship with my mom. I've already lost the relationship with my father. I just want normalcy, and will admit that I am so jealous of other girls that have great relationships with their mothers.   I am so confused, and hurt. . .
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

5
 

Happy New Years

WOW, I can't believe it's 2010, and I can only hope this year is going to bring many blessing to all of us.   As for our NYE out, we had a great time. John and I went out to dinner last night for NYE. We had Logan's steakhouse. John ordered a steak entree with 2 sides, and with their menu, if you order an entree you can order 1/2 rack of ribs for $6. I'm such a cheap date ha ha ha. Anyways, I decided to have a glass of wine, and it was so yummy, but I think I drank it too fast, and I actually caught quite a bit of a buzz. My lips were tingly, and my arms felt heavy. It wore off about 1/2 hour later, and I just felt relaxed.   I ate 2 ribs with lots of barbque sauce, 4-5 bites of his mac-n-cheese (do you see a pattern I love mac-n-cheese), I ate part of the inside one of their yummy yeast rolls, and then drank the rest of the wine after my dinner settled.   We then ventured to a local sports bar/grill, where I had 2 more glasses of Chardonay, and least to say I was feeling quite fabulous, hence the goofy pics on my Facebook ha ha ha.   I woke up this morning to a 1lb increase on the scale. I figure it'll drop back off once I get more fluids in my system considering I slept like a log until 11:30 this morning.   I got up this morning, and made pancakes for John, Caysen, and I always make an extra pancake for the Hank monster.   Today to celebrate the new year, we'll have cabbage rolls (John's favorite, I've never had them), and I'm boiling the cabbage right now. IT STINKS ! ! ! We'll also enjoy some black-eyed peas for good luck. Pretty much, we'll spend the day watching college football bowl games, relaxing in our PJ's, and just enjoying each other's company.   Here's some pictures of us last night. John thought I looked "hot" last night, he is so sweet. Of course, by the 2nd glass of wine, I was looking pretty rough.   Ignore that icky spot on John's eye, it's a reflection from one of the neon signs in the bar ! ! !     3rd glass of wine is well on board by this time, notice the blurriness much.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
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