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About this blog

I want to use this blog as a place to vent, share, and journal everything. It may not all be related to my weight loss so just be prepared for ramblings.

Entries in this blog

 

First bad experience in months

Yesterday was a great day until I decided to try a sliver of German Chocolate cake that I made the day before.   When I say sliver, I mean thinner than my pinky finger in width. It was tiny, but 10 minutes after eating it, I knew I was in trouble.   I felt horrible, lethargic, and I could not get comfortable. I literally felt the gas building in my intestines. I was absolutely miserable. I decided to crash early, but as soon as I laid down, I was back up and on the toilet. It wasn't pleasant to say the least.   I went back to bed, but 10 minutes later I was back in the bathroom. I haven't had days like this since the post-op diet stage of full liquids.   I did finally get to sleep, and slept really great. Least to say, I don't think cake will be on my treat list ever again. It's crazy because I've had a sliver of cheesecake, a few snickers miniatures, with zero ill effects. Maybe the cake was just too rich?
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Not too much going on

But, I'm so grateful that school is back in session and that John has returned to work. I enjoy my "me" time far too much, and 2 weeks at home with both them was a lot to handle.   I started back at the gym this week. Plus, bowling started again on Wednesday. I had such a good time, and then went out to lunch with a girlfriend. That didn't go over so well. We ventured to Sonic, and I ordered a corny dog and cheese fries. My body no longer likes greasy food. I was uncomfortable all day after lunch, and just felt horrible. I didn't eat but 2 little bites of the breading of the corn dog, and the hot dog on the inside. Then, I only had like 5-7 fries with a little cheese. So, no more greasy food for me.   I also keep losing/gaining this same 1.5lb, and it's really frustrating. I have an appointment with my surgeon soon, and I need to go ahead and make a trip to the lab so I can already have my labs done before I see him. He's already put in the order for the labs. I just have to get down there to have them pulled.   I plan on doing some core/ab work out today, and some leg work. My tummy is shrinking which makes me happy. It's wrinkly, but at least it's shrinking. Tomorrow, I head back to the gym for my last day of strength training for the week. I do 3 days of strength training, 1 day of ab/core workouts, and I bowl on Wednesdays. So, here's to toning up the body that I've been blessed to have after dropping all of this weight.   I'm still smoking, but I'm considering going to my PCP and getting on Zyban (Wellbutrin) to see if will help me quit. All the nicotine supplements aren't working, and I'm super irritable when I try cold turkey.   I really need to quit, but I'm mentally drawn to smoking because honestly I don't want to end up with my head in the fridge.   I find it easier to quit food than cigarettes. I've got the food addiction contained, why am I so scared to give up the nicotine?
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

5
 

Happy New Years

WOW, I can't believe it's 2010, and I can only hope this year is going to bring many blessing to all of us.   As for our NYE out, we had a great time. John and I went out to dinner last night for NYE. We had Logan's steakhouse. John ordered a steak entree with 2 sides, and with their menu, if you order an entree you can order 1/2 rack of ribs for $6. I'm such a cheap date ha ha ha. Anyways, I decided to have a glass of wine, and it was so yummy, but I think I drank it too fast, and I actually caught quite a bit of a buzz. My lips were tingly, and my arms felt heavy. It wore off about 1/2 hour later, and I just felt relaxed.   I ate 2 ribs with lots of barbque sauce, 4-5 bites of his mac-n-cheese (do you see a pattern I love mac-n-cheese), I ate part of the inside one of their yummy yeast rolls, and then drank the rest of the wine after my dinner settled.   We then ventured to a local sports bar/grill, where I had 2 more glasses of Chardonay, and least to say I was feeling quite fabulous, hence the goofy pics on my Facebook ha ha ha.   I woke up this morning to a 1lb increase on the scale. I figure it'll drop back off once I get more fluids in my system considering I slept like a log until 11:30 this morning.   I got up this morning, and made pancakes for John, Caysen, and I always make an extra pancake for the Hank monster.   Today to celebrate the new year, we'll have cabbage rolls (John's favorite, I've never had them), and I'm boiling the cabbage right now. IT STINKS ! ! ! We'll also enjoy some black-eyed peas for good luck. Pretty much, we'll spend the day watching college football bowl games, relaxing in our PJ's, and just enjoying each other's company.   Here's some pictures of us last night. John thought I looked "hot" last night, he is so sweet. Of course, by the 2nd glass of wine, I was looking pretty rough.   Ignore that icky spot on John's eye, it's a reflection from one of the neon signs in the bar ! ! !     3rd glass of wine is well on board by this time, notice the blurriness much.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Stall broken

Well, today I decided to step on the scale after 10 days of losing .2 or gaining .5, and today I've lost 3 pounds. How did I do it? I honestly have no idea. Maybe a well balanced diet and not beating myself up over food is helping.   I have a mere 3 lbs to goal, and I've decided to just eat what I want, when I want, I'm not going to change my current course. I'm happy with my relationship with food, I'm grateful for my results, and even moreso I'm very thankful for all the support and encouragement.   So, I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing, and see if I can keep my current goal of 150. If I slip below it by 5-6 pounds, I won't be disappointed, but I really need to maintain 145-150.   I admit I'm glad the stall is over, it didn't last long, but it was irritating.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

My first stall

and I'm not really sure how I feel about it.   There is a part of me that is ecstatic that my weight loss has hit a plateau, BUT (you knew there was a but in there), I am also frustrated because I am so close to goal. 6 fricken pounds, and I've been stalled about 9 days. I am by no means disappointed with my results thus far, and I know exactly why I've stalled.   #1 - My tastebuds have returned to normal, and I have new found love of chocolate. Especially, white chocolate with crushed up candy canes. Yes, they are divine. Caysen brought a bag of homemade candies from school home, and he nor John like them. So, they are all mine.   #2 - I'm not eating breakfast. I have always hated eating breakfast, and I did really well the first 4.5-5 months. The last month I don't think I've eaten breakfast at all. I'm eating 2 meals per day, and I feel great.   #3 - I've incorporated more carbs into my meals. I still get in my protein first, but I can eat carbs like a champ. If I want to snack, I eat crackers with flavored cream cheese. And, I have a fabulous habit of eating beef jerky if you're wondering how I get my protein in with just 2 meals.   #4 - I haven't been to the gym in almost a month. Our vacation to WV screwed up my schedule. Come home 2 days later and got the blood clot. That kept me out of the gym for 2.5 weeks, and now I have lost my motivation. I have to get back to it PRONTO ! ! !   #5 - I need to maintain as close to my goal of 150 pounds so we can try to conceive late spring of 2010. If I get below 135, I'm in trouble with my surgeon and he won't let me start TTC until I can prove that I can maintain 140-150 for at least 3-5 months.   I'm not really upset about the stall because it's not a horrible thing. I'm enjoying a normal, healthy lifestyle. I'm eating anything and everything I want and need. I am by no means complaining about the stall because I know that I am responsible for it.   It's a catch 22 situation in all honesty. I could go back to basics, and drop these last 6+ pounds in a matter of 2 weeks and get to goal. Or, I could keep doing what I am doing, lose it over the next 6 weeks, and still be able to maintain.   John thinks and verbally expresses that I've lost enough weight. He is worried about me once again, and while I know it's out of love and concern, him being the food police is really starting to bug the snot out of me. He also is on me on the time about my vitamins, and my daily food consumption when he is not home. He even goes so far to ask Caysen if I ate or not. I do not need to be monitored like a baby. I think my independence is being a bit threatened and it's getting on my nerves. I think everyone here that follows my life, knows/realizes that I love my husband, but this food police thing is getting a bit absurd, and I'm not willing to lie to my husband, but for the love of everything holy, he's got to losen the reins or I'm going to go insane.   I'm just cranky, and needed to vent. I plan on hitting the gym after the New Year since our trip to Texas has been postponed until Spring 2010. I am not even going to try to go this week. My heart isn't into it, and my work out buddy is out of state visiting family for Christmas. Maybe when she returns next week, we can go a couple of times.   I know that I need to get back to basics. Funny thing is that I'm not craving carbs, nor do they make more "hungry" or trigger any further "bad" habits. I still stay below 30grams of carbs per day so it isn't like I'm consuming more carbs than protein. I would say my diet is fairly balanced. There are some days when I just do not want to eat meat, so once to twice a week, I may skip meat at one of my meals.   I'm not going to lie to anyone here, or myself, this stall has me frustrated, but it's all on me, and I'm not really sure if it's more important for me to get to goal, or really "feel good" about my lifestyle and relationship with food right now.   Maybe, we'll see how next week goes, and if the scale moves. If it doesn't, I'll probably stop all carbs, and go on a protein and clear liquid fest. Until then, I'm going to continue to enjoy my daily life and choices.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Squadron Christmas Party

Last night was our annual squadron Christmas party, and I had a great time.   We enjoyed good laughs, good food, and I enjoyed not 1, but 2 glasses of Kendall Jackson Reisling. I had half before dinner, then ate about 3 bites of prime rib, 3 bites of this stuffed chicken (the chicken was too dry), I had about 4oz of mashed potatoes with gravy, and 3 broccoli florets. I felt fabulous after eating, and no ill effects from the wine. I sipped coffee at the meal, and then finished off the first glass of wine. Not even a buzz feeling, so around 9:30 I decided to have another glass. I didn't ever have any burning, or weird sensations. I felt relaxed, and enjoyed our evening out.   Many of the ladies complimented me on my dress, and I felt so great. One of the guys asked " are you K*****'s wife?" I replied " yes", he said " you look a lot different than you did last year." I giggled and said "yeah, that's what 100lbs gone will do for a girl." He said "well you look great, and I know you had a tough recovery with him gone, but you're a trooper." I felt really fabulous all night. Confident, and outgoing, I didn't feel like I had to hide behind John, or sit at the table all night. I went and mingled with a few of the other spouses, and some of the guys I've met.   Overall, we had a great time.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

Something that makes me smile ! ! !

A bit of back story.   When John and I met, I was at my heaviest between 265-270. That meant I weighed more than 100 pounds more than he did, and he didn't care. He loved me regardless of my pant size, or what the scale read. I was never one to hide my weight from him even when we were just dating. I wasn't happy at that weight, but I was happy that he loved me for me.   Today, I now weigh about 30lbs less than he does. When he deployed mid-March, I still weighed 100lbs more than he did. He worked out, strength training mainly, and bulked up a bit. I dropped a bunch of weight, and it's like a new found adventure for us. For the first time in my entire life, my husband can carry me. He can hoist my "tiny hiney" (his words) up in his arms, and carry me around the house.   I'll admit, I was still scared of 'hurting' him. But, not anymore ! ! !
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

2
 

Struggling emotionally

John has been home for a couple of months, and I'm struggling emotionally. Not because of my husband, but because of my son, Caysen. It makes my heart hurt, and in turn, my stomach can't handle food very well. I'm a complete emotional mess.   Caysen is acting out in school. He's defiant with me, and completely ignores my discipline. He back talks, and "huffs" every time I ask him to do anything. Last weekend, John removed everything from his room with the exception of his bed, dresser, and book case. No toys, no movies, no dvd player, nothing "fun". Caysen doesn't seem to care. He has been grounded from video games, and spending time with friends for 6 weeks now because of his grades. He just isn't turning in assignments even though I help with homework, and do everything I can to help him. I'm at my wit's end. Caysen is extremely jealous of John. It's worse than when we first moved in together, and started the blending family process.   I have made contact with a counselor on base, and we're working on getting Caysen in to talk to someone. I can't do it anymore. It hurts because Caysen puts me in the middle. He says "you love daddy more" which is not true. I do all kinds of wonderful things with Caysen, I make special trips with him, I make special dinner requests for just him, I spend more time with now than I have ever been able to because John works, and wants me to stay home. It's gotten so difficult that I've turned over all disciplinary stuff to John because when I do or say anything, Caysen just blows me off.   We've set up a chore/reward chart, we've set a schedule. I am just at the end of the rope. I've tied a knot and hanging with everything I have, but I am emotionally just drained.   I know that us talking about having a baby has spurred some of this behavior. Caysen has been an only child for 11.5 years, and for 9 of those years, it was just me and him. He's scared, and worried, we're going to love that child more than him, and he'll be forgotten.   I've suggested, and it will happen, that John and Caysen spend some time together, just for "boy time". I hope this helps because I can't keep doing this anymore.   This isn't really WLS related, but it's what's going on in my life, and I needed a place to vent. Caysen has always been a wonderful, pleasant, and well-behaved, well-mannered child. These last 2 weeks, have been so hellacious, and painful. I have examples, but y'all probably are tired of hearing me whine. If you made it through all of that, thank you for listening.   I just needed to vent it, and get it off my chest.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

A little update

Our trip to WV for Thanksgiving was okay overall. There were ups and downs, and of course, family drama ensued. I expected it, but I'm tired of it.   Anyways, yesterday, I went to our last bowling game of this season, and then we all went out to lunch to the Olive Garden. I had soup and salad YUMMY! ! ! I crossed my legs under the table, and felt a huge pain in my right calf. I went to the restroom, and noticed a huge knot on my upper calf. The bruising was insane. So, I had one of the other ladies look at it, and she said it looked like a blood clot. I panicked, and called John. We headed to the ER. They did an ultrasound, but said it wasn't a clot. I went down to see my surgeon because I went on base to the ER. Anyways, I knew the ER there has shady reviews from other military spouses, but I thought it would be better to go there since they have all of my records. My surgeon's assistant said that is definitely a clot, and that I need to do hot compresses, and stay mobile. He thinks it's from the extensive driving we did to and from WV last week. We spent about 36 hours in the car. Least to say, I have learned my lesson about taking breaks while driving.   I have a follow-up with my PCM today at 1pm, and we'll see what he says. They gave me 2 aspirins, and a Percocet in the ER. My leg feels better today, but the bruising looks worse.   Everything will be fine. I'm not too upset about it anymore. Just the thought of being in the hospital again totally freaked me out.   I'm so glad this week is almost over ! ! !
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

7
 

Officially lost 100lbs

That's right, as of today, I've lost 100lbs since beginning my weight loss surgery journey.   I can't believe it, and was shocked to come to the realization today when I stepped on the scale.   I had the band placed on October 1, 2008 then revised to the sleeve on June 3rd, 2009. So, as of today, I'm 100lbs lighter. I am absolutely in shock, and can't believe it. Of course, I've lost 93lbs with the sleeve, and a mere 7lbs with the band, but in the end, it's still 100 pounds.   I'm glowing with pure joy today ! ! !
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Ummmmmmmm what size is that shirt? ? ?

Why yes, dear Tiffany, it is a MEDIUM ! ! !   I never thought this day would get here, but I am absolutely elated. I love the sleeve, I love my results, I absolutely love everything about this experience.   I also dropped a size in jeans, and am now in size 14. Some of the lowrise jeans I can't get to fit me comfortable because of my tummy, but I went ahead and bought them because I'll be in them soon enough.   My 16s are so baggy in the thighs and hiney that I actually think they make me look bigger than I actually am, and it kind of bothers me. Okay, it bothers me a lot.   I attended our monthly Spouse's club luncheon today, and sat with one of my new friends. She, of course, asked me why I wasn't eating much, and why I was moving my food around on my plate. Plus, I pretty much just played with the dessert on my plate. Anyways, I told her that I had surgery, and she said "are you serious, you look amazing, and I would of never guessed that you had surgery, how much have you lost, you can't weigh more than 140lbs." I told her I'd lost about 95lbs since June, and had 18lbs to lose before getting to goal. She said something along the lines of ' ummm you look great the way you are, you're going to be rail thin if you lose another 18lbs." It felt great for someone that I just recently got to know to make such great, and positive comments regarding my surgery. She's rail thin, like maybe 115lbs, and she is super sweet. I really like her, unfortunately her husband has orders and they'll be relocating in February.   Anyways, today was a great day. I purchased some college football tickets for myself and John for his favorite team the West Virginia Mountaineers. The game is the day after Thanksgiving, and we'll be driving about 4 hours to get to the game, but it'll be so worth it. He's always wanted to go to a home game, and just never could. So, I surprised him with tickets today. He is so excited, and so am I. Oh yeah, we'll be out of town next week starting on Monday the 23rd through Sunday the 29th. We're visiting John's family, and I won't have internet access at all. We don't even phone service because of how "deep" into the mountains they live. If we get out and about, I'll try to check in, but for the most part I'll be out of pocket for that week.   I'm looking forward to the weekend. I'll be packing, and getting everything ready for our trip.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

2
 

Just elated

I went shopping yesterday, and had so much fun. I had bought a pair of 16 Levi's 2 weeks ago, but they are now saggy in the hiney, so I went and exchanged them for a pair of workout pants, a new fall cardigan, and size 14 jeans at our base exchange. Then we headed off to the mall. Old Navy has amazing clearance racks, and I picked up a bunch new tops and a warm weather sweater in a size MEDIUM. I don't think I've worn a medium sweater since junior high. The shirts I bought were large, but I could of gone for the mediums. I'm still stuck in the "fatty" mindset sometimes, and I really hate trying on clothes at the store. Luckily, I will be able to shrink some of the shirts. Plus, Old Navy had military discount day, so I got over 100bucks of clothes for $71 ! ! !   Today, I headed to Wal-Mart for some essentials and browsed their clearance racks as well. I picked up some pajama pants, and new work out pants in the junior section size 13. I almost fell over when I tried them on. I couldn't believe I fit into a junior anything. I also had to try on this new "shirt dress" trend I'm seeing everywhere. No such luck, I looked at the tag after I took it off, and it was a Miley Cyrus dress. I just laughed at myself thinking I could even remotely justify my 32 year old a$$ buying a Miley Cyrus dress. I only tried on the work out pants because I need them since I plan on hitting the gym 5 days this week.   Next Monday, we are taking vacation to West Virginia to spend a week with John's family. I'm excited for the vacation, but it never fails that there is drama when we go. I'm hellbent on making it a good Thanksgiving week.   Other than that, not much going on. I'm feeling good, and able to eat more calories. I start day 1 of the strength training program. On Tuesday evening, I'm going to attend the Hip Hop dance class, Wednesday is Day 2, Thursday Day 3, and then Friday is Spinning class. The strength training program rotates every 3 days, and targets a different body area every day.   I hope everyone had a good weekend.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

2
 

A great day

I slept in a bit, but still made it to the Y today. I did 0.65 miles on the treadmill, and then did 15 minutes of these weight machines for my legs and arms. It's not a lot, but it's a start. I forgot to eat before I left so 40 minutes of working out was enough for me. For the first time post-op, I had this hunger crampy feeling in my tummy. I came home, and ate a protein bar that has 20 grams of protein and only 14 grams of carbs.   I feel pretty good about going today. Hurricane Ida is rolling in. It's super windy and rainy here, but I still went. I am going tomorrow for my physical assessment. I'm excited to see what type of program they set up. Plus, I'm really interested in doing the Hip Hop dance class. Unfortunately, the only time they have the Hip Hop class is at 5:30 p.m. That would definitely screw up our evening schedule. It's an hour long class, so dinner wouldn't happen until 7:30 at the earliest. They have Zumba, but I honestly don't think I'm coordinated enough for that one. Tonight for dinner, we're having pasta salad and chicken. I've found a little snack that I absolutely love. Yogurt covered cranberries are absolutely fabulous. I liked them before surgery, but now they are even better.   I love feeling this good. I'll be excited to see even more changes in my body as I start working out more. It'll be nice to lose this fat roll on my stomach. I affectionately call it my own personal flotation device, or my little spare tire. Hopefully it'll shrink up over time.   Life is great.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

2
 

Chinese food was a hit

So last night, I decided we would venture out to the local chinese/mongolian grill place. I haven't had noodles/chinese noodles in what seems like forever. Anyways, since I know that mac-n-cheese is not a problem, I assumed I would not have any issues with these noodles either. And, guess what I was in pure heaven last night.   I had a small portion of noodles, chewed well, 1/2 spring roll, and 1/2 of a tiny dumpling. I couldn't eat the beef with my noodles because the grill master overcooked the beef, and it was too tough for me to chew. I had 2 bites of watermelon, 1 piece of pineapple and 2 bites of cantaloupe. The fruit is where I took one too many steps off a slippery slope. I knew I should not of eaten high sugary foods after those carby noodles, but I felt really great afterwards. The 15 minute car ride was fine, but 10 minutes after hitting the front door, my hiney was glued to the toilet. I didn't feel sick or nauseated, but I can only assume it was the fruit that did me in.   I didn't have any cramping or discomfort even though I was full and satisfied, I should of never skimmed the fruit off the husband's plate.   The noodles were fabulous. I felt like I was on cloud 9, and thanked my husband several times for going out for Chinese when I know he isn't a big fan of any of it.   For me this is the very best aspect of the sleeve, I can still eat my favorites, but I'm not wanting to, nor have the desire to make 6 trips through the buffet lines. I was able to have a variety, and get a taste of anything I wanted. I felt so good and in control last night. I seriouly love my sleeve ! ! !
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

First day

So, Caysen threw a fit this morning about me taking him to school instead of letting him ride the bus. I wasn't in the mood to fight with him so I let him ride the bus. I stayed in bed until 9am then got up, and went to the Y. Boy, let me tell ya it is was pretty intimidating. I just walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes then left. I don't know how to use half of the equipment in there so I felt pretty clueless.   I really hope the training coordinator calls me today or tomorrow. If she doesn't, I'm calling her on Friday so I can go in and get set up to have a real work out. I didn't eat before I went so I felt pretty crappy just after 30 minutes. I have got to quit giving Caysen options. He has to learn that life isn't all about him. Sometimes we all make sacrifices that we may not like, but it has to be done. Tomorrow, I have bowling so I won't be going to the Y, but Thursday morning, I'm definitely going earlier in the morning. I know that I'll feel more comfortable the more I go. I really want to be successful so I have to keep at it.   One day at a time. . .
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

2
 

Lacking motivation

John has officially been home a month now, and outside of a lot more sex, I have not been working out AT ALL ! ! ! I keep telling myself that I am going to the Y up the street to join, or I'm going to do this or that, but I never make it out of the house. It's pathetic, and I know that I need to do something, but I lack all motivation.   I decided today that I am going to get out of the house, and run by the post office and the Y once Caysen gets home from school around 2pm. I know if I am paying for something I will definitely go to the Y. They have great equipment, and some classes that I may participate in. I just need to get off my hiney and do it.   I've been eating more calories, and finally this week, my weight loss has slowed down. This last week I only lost 1.5-2lbs which is perfect. I'm very grateful I'm so close to goal, but I know that it's too much too fast. My arms look horrible, and my inner thighs are not looking great either. John commented that my stomach is definitely shrinking, but I know that working out will speed this process up significantly.   I need to really find some motivation, and need to set some goals. I'm know that working out will help me feel and look better. I have a friend who lives in CA that said she would be my accountability partner. We're going to set up a goal/reward system, and send each other text messages to hold each other accountable.   As for the Halloween function, it went great. The commander's wife bought me a witches hat to wear since I said I wasn't going to dress up. I wore it for a bit, but it is humid and icky. Everyone loved my ghost cookies, and the queso and chips were a huge hit. Of course, we ran into that one friend. She didn't speak to me, nor did I even acknowledge her presence. She waited until Caysen was by himself at the snack table, and went up to him said " hey Caysen what's up?" I had told Caysen all he had to say is "hello" and to be polite. He said " hi " and apparently she didn't hear him, and she snapped at him and said " you could at least say HI". How immature to talk to an 11 yr old is all I could think. John and I were sitting just 10 feet from them at the front table, and she never said a word to us. We passed each other in the hall several times, and all I did was smile, and keep walking. Caysen told me at the end of the evening, "mommy, I'm glad you always look nice when we go out, and you look really pretty tonight." It made me feel great. John agreed, and thought I looked great. I was able to buy a 12/14 cardigan, and tank tops from Wal-Mart, and had new jeans on. It was a good night. I really had a good time, and didn't let someone else's pettiness ruin my night. I did speak to her husband once the event wound down for a minute or two since John still works with him. One more week, and they are out of the squadron, and I never have to worry about dealing with her, or her crap again. I may run into her at Wal-Mart or on base, but at least they are out of the squadron, and I don't have to deal with them at functions.   Off to get ready to go to the Y, and write that check ! ! ! I'm going to do it. . .
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Finally

No more jaw pain. Last night, I took Caysen and 2 of his friends out for Mexican food. I don't know what it is about fajitas, but I always feel fabulous after I eat it. I did make the mistake of tempting fate, and attempting to eat a couple bites of tortilla at the end of the meal. I got to the parking lot, and the tortilla came back up. But, I didn't feel horrible.   Today, for lunch I had leftovers because Caysen and I can eat fajitas for 1, and have leftovers. I feel even better today. I decided to treat myself to some coffee today as well. Overall, I feel pretty great. John is working tonight again, and will be back on a day shift starting Tuesday morning. He's just so exhausted, and I hate seeing him like this. He's pulled 12-13 shifts the last 4 nights, and he is just worn out. His sleep schedule has been so screwed since returning home. But, I know it will get better once he is back on his normal schedule.   The squadron is having a Halloween function this coming Thursday, and I'm excited. I volunteered to help decorate, and make cookies. I'm making these adorable broomstick cookies. I kind of have a reputation to uphold in the baking/cooking department with the squadron ha ha ha. Last year, I made cinnamon strudel bread for a fundraiser bake sale. I made 6 loaves. The first loaf sold for like $7, but by the end of the day the guys were paying close to $30 for one loaf, and fighting over them. Everyone told John that he better "hang onto me" because of my baking. John wanted me to just pick up some pre-made cupcakes or cookies, and I told him NO WAY. I have to make sure whatever I make is a big hit.   Anyways, I can't decide if I'm going to dress up or not. The commander's wife and I have chatted via Facebook, and she is dressing up and hinted that I should as well. If I do dress up, I think I'm going to be a Pirate. Nothing too sexy, or scary. But, I know that one "friend" that broke up with via Myspace after my hospitalization is going to be there, and just because she was so nasty to me, I want to look smashingly wonderful. I know that is spiteful, and completely out of character, but after her horrendous comments, I want to show her just how wonderful I look, and how fabulous I am doing. She made a surprise stop off at the squadron last week, and talked to John. Essentially, she welcomed him back, and apparently decorated their office. Her husband is leaving the squadron in 2 weeks, and has never decorated the squadron for any other holidays, but she made a special 15 mile trip up there to decorate the office that her husband, and John share. I told John "whatever, she just wanted to come up there you were there." No one can convince me otherwise. To me, it was just a bit coincidental/convenient for her to show up there when John was going to be there, not to mention with all 4 of her kids in tow. Now, logically, if she wanted to decorate, wouldn't be smart to go decorate the office, when 3 of your kids are in school, and there is no one in the office. I know I should let it go, but when someone hurts me so deeply, it's difficult for me to not see her ulterior motives, and let it crawl all over me. Luckily, 2 more weeks, and we'll be done with them forever. I told John that my name nor my child's name should never come out her filthy mouth, and he better defend me if anything crap gets started. I plan on being cordial, but I'm not going out of my way to be nice to her. I'll avoid her like the plague essentially, but I'm not going to allow her to ruin our night.   Tomorrow we're going to attempt to make it out to the fair. I really want to do something fun, and get us all out of the house for something other than errands, and grocery shopping.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

This dang root canal has

completely set back my progress with my eating. I am having to eat only mushies, and am just down right angry about it. I should of just had the stupid tooth extracted, but I know the consequences of that decision. BUT, I'm so upset that all my progress of eating better, and more calories has been set back 50 steps with this stupid tooth.   My stomach has been upset for the majority of today. I had diarrhea twice today because of mushy food. Plus, I'm tired of taking Tylenol and Motrin for jaw pain.   I know this is a rant, but I need to post this somewhere. I'm just so passed the point of frustration. I want to eat some meat again, but chewing anything of consistency is absolutely out of the question.   Fingers crossed that tomorrow brings less pain, and I can eat.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

Much better day

Today was so much better. John is having to work mid-shift. It's technically 5pm to 5am, but he's been able to leave early between 2am and 4am all week. I had just gotten used to him being home, and in bed with me so sleeping has been a challenge this week coupled with the tooth pain. Anyways, last night I tossed and turn until 3am when John got home, and then had to get up and go bowling.   I had such a great day. I bowled 2 great frames, and 1 crappy frame. Afterwards, 10 of us headed to lunch at TGI Fridays. I ordered the pot stickers, and was so amazed that I only ate the stuffing of 3 of them, and the shell of 2. They tasted amazing, and I tolerated them really well. One of the other ladies was hinting at "loving the pot stickers" so I told her to help herself because I couldn't even remotely finish the appetizer. I felt great when I left Fridays, and swung by the pharmacy on base for my Prilosec refill. Since I had to go to the pharmacy, I stopped by the surgical clinic to check my weight on their scale, and I was so excited that it matched by scale at home. The receptionist at the surgery clinic didn't recognize me until I showed her my dependent id card. She was shocked, and told me that I looked great. I love her to pieces. My surgeon has already deployed, and won't be back for 6 months :cursing:   I don't have a follow up scheduled until December. At that time, they'll pull more labs, and monitor my weight.   I received my calcium magnesium citrate with vitamin d today from vitacost.com. I'm so excited to try it. I'll post a review of the taste/texture and so forth tomorrow. I really need to get better with the calcium supplement, and hopefully this will do the trick.   Overall, it was a great day. I came home, hung out with John for a bit, Caysen got home from school, and immediately copped major attitude. It's pre-puberty, and it's going to drive me insane. But, we're nipping it in the butt because I'm not going to have an unruly child.   My jaw still hurts. Chewing meat is out of the question unless it's pureed/super mushy, so I'm sticking with soft foods for the next couple of days.   Hope everyone is doing well.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

Just UGH

So, yesterday I had to break down and have the root canal done. They gave me a sedative that made me absolutely "wasted". I fell asleep at 7:30p, woke up at 3:30am, John got home at 4am, and we went back to bed at 4:30. I got up with Caysen to see him off for school, then I slept in until 11am. I've felt horrific all day. I've got a lot of pressure pain, my entire jaw hurts. I wish I would of just had the dang tooth pulled, but I know the consequences of having this particular tooth pulled.   Anyways, I'm crabby, and moody, and sore. The endodontist called me to check on me, and told me to expect pressure pain, and discomfort for the rest of the week. YAY isn't that exciting.   I can't eat anything of substance. Everything has to be mushy, and it hurts even trying to get that stuff down. I'm not happy. I feel like this entire situation has set me back after making such huge strives in being able to eat, FINALLY.   I know I'm just frustrated, and just want to feel good again. I'm sorry to whine, today just sucks, and I needed to vent it out.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

2
 

Life Love and Goodwill stores

Life has been fab since the husband came home 10 days ago. We've kept ourselves busy, and just enjoy being with each other. We did have to postpone our weekend getaway because of the stupid root canal situation with my tooth. $400 hit to the pocket book was not expected, so now we're waiting on the travel voucher, and the family separation pay to come in so I can get my tooth fixed, and we can get away for a night or two.   Today, we picked up an amazing weight bench, and weight plates at a garage sale then picked up more weights/dumbbells from a guy selling some of craigslist. John made a mini-gym in our garage. He worked out this afternoon, and boy, let me just say he looks smokin' hot working out. I could do without all the grunting, and heavy breathing, but I guess it comes with the territory.   His working out has motivated me. I start my walking regimen on Monday morning bright and early 6:30am, and then I'll lift the little weights to help tone my arms. I'm going to get back to working out with the Wii Active and doing my stand up crunches, and lunges. My thighs are super flabby. It's gross, and I know I can tone them up.   We also stopped by the Goodwill store. I bought a bunch of lightweight crop pants to go walking in, and men's t-shirts. I just can't bring myself to pay full price for clothes to work out in and that won't fit in a month. I desperately need new bras. When I bowl on Wednesday with the girls, my right boob pops out of my bra everytime I roll a ball down the lane. It gets annoying because I'm constanly readjusting myself.   We're having a garage sale within the next 2 weeks. John brought home so much gear the Air Force will not take back, and it's ridiculous. 4 deployments, our garage looks like an ArmyNavy Store. The garage is so full the stuff from this last deployment has taken over our bedroom, and I even have a 45 gallon tote in my kitchen. RIDICULOUS. Not to mention the 3/40 gallon trash bags I have full of clothes from my closet and Caysen's dresser. Tomorrow, we're attacking the guest room closet to get rid of yet again more clothing. Whatever stuff we don't sell at the garage sale will go to the mission store and Goodwill.   I'm almost in a 14 jean. WOOT WOOT. It's the stupid belly fat preventing me from getting into them so that has me kicked into high gear to start walking and losing the belly. I now have the "noassatall" syndrome. My hiney has completely disappeared, but my hips remain. BLAH, I hope the hips slim down once the belly gets smaller.   All is well here in lovely NW Florida. It's been super hot with high humidity lately, and it makes me miserable. BUT, fall is definitely around the corner, and I can't wait.   We're having family pictures taken again. We had family pics taken last December, and they came out wonderfully. I belong to a Myspace group of military spouses, and so many of them are just getting started and give great rates. This new photographer is only charging $50 for 2 hours, and 2 outfit changes, and a CD of all the edited images with a copyright release. AWESOME PRICE ! ! ! She takes great photos from what she has already taken, and I can't wait to have new pics to send to the fam for the holidays. Last year we did beach pictures, this year I think we're going to the historic district and have some great pictures for the album.   I've rambled enough. Anyone who made it through all of that deserve a "no sugar added" cookie, or protein bar ! ! !
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

3
 

Non-Weightloss related

This waiting game is killing me. I missed 5 phone calls from John and Monday, and he's yet to call back to give me an exact homecoming date.   Luckily, I have most of the "to-do list" completed. I have to still buy his new TV, and mow the yard. But, the rest of the housework is done. I know he'll be home sometime next week. I bought the homecoming outfit, I have everything planned EXCEPT for the actual day I can expect him home.   I have been patient through all of this, but this waiting game is started to really unravel me. I'm just so ready for this to be all over and done with. I know I just need to stay busy, and keep my mind occupied. We're so close, and I'm just getting antsy.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

Protein woes

I've tried the orange and strawberry of the Chike samples I ordered, and neither of them work for me. I'm at my wit's end. I just don't know what to do. I think I'm going to have to order or buy at GNC an unflavored powder and mix it with SF pudding, or something. I can't keep going without, my body is going to start really suffering.   I'm half tempted to go back to the bullets, and mix them with a popsicle. Even though they aren't the highest quality of protein at least it would be some sort of protein. My mother uses them and swears by them. I just can't tolerate the taste, and the gas that follows.   I'm so scared of my hair falling out completely. I have a lot of hair, and it thinning a little wouldn't bother me, but I'm getting paranoid at this point.   Eating is such a chore for me at this point. I know it will get better, but I'm frustrated. I need to really focus on eating, and really trying to in the minimum calories, and protein. Something has to give soon.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

8
 

Shopping is so therapeutic

I ended up having to take the jeans back from OldNavy. They were too long even with heels. I exchanged them for the 'short' size, I have short legs. I also picked up a couple of shirts. We stopped by the "Avenue" because they were having a big clearance. I almost fit inot their 14/16, but the boobage makes those shirts really short, and I still have a belly that I like to hide. I had to go with the 18/20 and the 2 shirts are a bit big, but super comfy. For 6 bucks each, I really couldn't pass them up.   We stopped by Gamestop for the new Rockband Country track. I also picked up the Wii Active on a recommendation from a friend. I'm starting tonight, and I know I am going to feel so much better.   Dr. M released me to full activity this last Monday, and I am feeling better this week than I have since this journey began back in June. I bought some adult gummie vitamins and they taste amazing. I still have my rough patches, but for the most part, life is so much better.   We have less than 30 days on this deployment. Communication is slim, and it's frustrating. He's almost home, and I started all my little projects around the house. I bought new bedding for our bed, and he is going to love it. Every time he goes away, I buy new bedding. It's a weird thing I do, and he always loves what I pick out.   I also cleaned out my closet. I bagged up over 100 articles of clothing, and I figured if I could sell each piece for 1-3 bucks each, that would be 100-300 for new clothes. It felt so good to get purged all of those clothes. I'll miss them, but I'll enjoy getting new ones more.   I guess that's all for now. I hope everyone is doing well.
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

1
 

So elated

Went and saw "Time Traveler's Wife" with my friend "J" this afternoon, and least to say, I was super disappointed. It just wasn't as climatic as I was expecting, plus it pretty predictable. . .   After the movie, we headed to the mall. I wanted to stop in at Old Navy and just see if I could possibly wear anything from there. I have never been able to wear anything from Old Navy except for the men's clothes, and even then it was an XXL. So, J convinced me to try on some clothes. . .   I fit into a woman's XL, not XXL, but XL and I've lost 3 pant sizes almost 4 because I tried on a smaller size, and they almost fit. I almost cried because I was shocked. . .   I bought 3 new shirts (all XL all different styles one is a little snug around the boobs but I'll be super comfy next month) and 2 pairs of pants. It was overwhelming emotionally because even though I've lost the weight mentally I just don't "see it". I was super anxious to try on clothes, I was getting icky feeling because it just felt so weird to try on clothes that are "normal". I know an XL is not "normal", but it's the closest thing to normal I've been in over a decade.I was thinking the whole time "these people think I'm crazy for trying on these clothes because I'm too fat". On the way home, we stopped by the store, and this guy smiled super big, checked me out, and then stood super close to me. Not in a creepy way, it was nice to be noticed.   Overall, today has been great. I didn't eat enough before we left so I felt pretty sluggish once we got home. I ate a little peanut butter, and had a frozen fruit bar. I already feel better. . . I need to carry some beef jerky in my purse for days like today.   Today was my first day out except for short trips to Wal-Mart. It felt so good to be out of the house, and just have a nice day out.   I hope everyone had a great weekend ! ! !
Tiffykins

Tiffykins

4
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