I've been MIA for a long time from this site because I sorta feel like a failure. Here's my Story...
In August 2014 my band was too tight. I went to the the Dr. and they removed a tiny bit of fluid and had me drink some barium and asked me to do a swallow test. With tiny sips the water trickled through. I should have asked them to remove a little more but the weight was dropping off me fast because I could hardly get anything down. My mistake, but I feel like my Dr was somewhat responsible as well. It was just too tight! I was fine for two days, then I woke up on Friday morning and I couldn't drink my protein drink. i couldn't even swallow my saliva. I got the slimy yucky foamy stuff for most of the day. I called my Dr. office and had to leave a message. Nobody called me back on Friday. Saturday I woke up suddenly feeling very sick and i threw up blood. Several times Saturday I would throw up blood. My tummy would feel full and I hadn't eaten anything and I would throw up and it would be dark blood. Foolishly i waited until Sunday to go to the ER. By this time I was very dehydrated and my potassium was extremely low. Just a side note: If you ever have to have Potassium Intravenously infused it hurts so bad. I'm not exaggerating. It's very painful. Anyway...
Luckily, the hospital I went to has a newly opened WLS clinic and the surgeon who i was speaking with knew about the Lab Band and how to look for slippages. He even said he wanted to see if he could try to save my band for me. Unfortunately my band had completely slipped and was wrapped around the middle of my stomach. So, it had to be removed. After he left the room I sobbed I was so upset!
Flash forward to August 2015,I have a regain of about 40lbs. so i decided to have a revision to RNY Gastric Bypass. I found a new WLS Dr at a new Center that has really put me through the ringer. I had to go to a specific place to take my Psych. Evaluation. That was a little pricey $800 the Dr. was out of Network. Then I had to be approved by the surgical board to determine if they thought I would follow the program. Now, on September 15th, I am going to my preoperative class that takes all day long and I have to bring someone from my support group. I will find out my surgery date which should be in about 2 weeks because I will have to do the liquid diet. Then I will officially be an RNY Gastric Bypass Revision Patient!
Revision's don"t lose weight as fast as newly operated on patients. I've heard there have been complications with revisions from the band to the sleeve. I'm not versed enough to speak to all the complications because I am sure there are plenty with the RNY, too!
When I spoke to my Dr about his opinion on what he thought would be best for me he said, " Honestly, I prefer the RNY, because it has the dumping". I thought for a moment and decided that he was right and that would be another useful tool. I mean if my body rejects sweets and greasy food, then heck yeah! Here's to an awesome HONEYMOON PERIOD with my bypass surgery.
I'm hoping I will continue to get support from my friends and make new ones in the process. I'm trying to look at this as a positive thing.
Thanks for reading,
~T
I want to start this entry out on a positive note... I'm still doing great with my band. I'm losing inches and pounds and I still love my band.
Now, if any of you know my back story you know last April I had a serious medical issue that put me in ICU for several weeks on a ventilator and dialysis. I recovered thank God and my Dr.'s were optimistic about my kidneys. I was just told under no circumstances was I to take any kind of NSAIDS. Well, a week and a half ago I started feeling sick and noticed I was retaining fluids, then it occurred to me that I hadn't tinkled in almost 36 hours. Got blood work done and of course I was in kidney failure again. I had to go back on dialysis for a week and luckily my kidneys started working again this last weekend. BTW, I'm one of those lucky people that dialysis makes me feel deathly ill. The anti nausea medication didn't help. So, I've just been miserable. My Renal specialist is less optimistic about my prognosis now. I no longer had acute kidney failure once! I now have kidney disease. Most likely... Ah, I'm not even going to say it. It just sucks because now I have to take two more medications added to the list of many that I already take.
My take away is this... I compromised my health by being so fat. I was on so many medications for all my different ailments that I eventually made my body sick as it was trying to process all the meds. Now, I have to deal with the consequences. Confession: I'm not good at getting my daily fluid intake in and for someone with my history that is a huge no-no! I'm not having a pity party, I'm just dealing with the gravity that I've potentially done irreversible damage to my body that could down the road put me in need of new kidneys. But, today... I'm done with dialysis! There are now foods that I have to stay away from completely to help my kidneys function properly and no alcohol. Bummer dude!
I'm kicking myself in the arse for waiting so long to have the surgery. In my mind I have those " What ifs" floating around. But, I'm still standing and as long as I am, I'm going to stay the course. I'm going to reach my goal. I'm going to finish what I've started and be the best and most healthy me I can be!
Plus, I have a grand baby due next month and I wanna be a GILF! Too much? Too soon? LMAO!!
Till next time,
~T
I had heard that traveling can cause your band to become tighter. Well, in Vegas my band lost all restriction, but as soon as I got to Houston for my lay over, I was much tighter and now that I'm home I have great restriction. So, traveling did mess with my band just not the way I thought it would.
My trip was awesome. Vegas is a different kinda animal. I played the slots and broke even in the end. This trip we went out to Fremont Street. I loved the live music and insanely crazy people walking around and posing for pics. We also took a bus tour out to the Grand Canyon... Awe inspiring site and I conquered my fear of heights by walking on the Skywalk. That's a check off of my bucket list!
A year ago I would not have taken this trip. 1) I could barely squeeze into an airline seat and couldn't buckle my seatbelt .this time pssssh! I fit in my seat and had room to spare with my seatbelt. 2) I wouldn't have been able to walk the strip and enjoy the sights. This time I walked from early morning till late, late, well, early morning. My back still hurt like hell, but I had my meds and managed wonderfully. 3) I always felt like people would stare or make comments about my size everywhere I went. I know some of this was in my head, but not all of it! This trip a guy bought me some drinks and we danced for what seemed like hours. Got some winks and I felt sexy as hell.
Life with the band takes a lot of dedication, but the pay-off is so worth it. My life is so much more fulfilling. I can't wait until I reach my goal! I was determined to make this WLS work and I haven't lost sight of that. I have my moments of disappointment. I don't want to give the impression it's been all sugar free peaches and fat free cream. But, I've chosen to focus on the positive and it's working for me.
Love your band and it will love you back!
This weekend I did what I have never done before. I cleaned out my closet. I've held onto size 16 to size 26 jeans/slacks/capris for years. I would go up and down and I would always have some back up clothes to go to. Well, not anymore. I got rid of all my size 20-26. I can still wear some of my 18's but I can fit into my size 16 jeans now. I loaded up bags and bags full of clothes and dropped them off at the Planet Clothes depositories that we have here in town. Looking back in hindsight I see we have a clothes trade forum here and should have donated them to someone who might have needed them. I will definitely do that next time!
I just feel so good b/c I am letting go of things. I'm learning to be more confident and in becoming that new me, I let go of the security blanket of 'what if". You know, what if I gain the weight back and need those clothes? NOPE! Not going to happen!
I'm hoping my next step in this journey will be getting off of the medicines I have to take now.
One day at a time, one pound as it goes, I'm getting healthier and that's what I chose!
Today I am so excited about my decision to get my Lap Band. I know I still have 70 lbs. to lose to get to my goal weight, but I've lost almost 100 lbs. I don't know what you would call that, but it sure feels like I'm succeeding.
Now, if I'm going to be honest I want to vent a little bit. I rather enjoyed being ignorant/uniformed about how the majority of people (not all) who chose to have VSG or RNY look at those of us who have the band. Most days I just move on and SMH, but other times I feel disrespected. It feels like I'm being told I'm ignorant and made a stupid decision and that they are in some way guaranteeing that I am going to fail. I know at one of the seminars I went to they had a person who had the band and another who had RNY. They guy who had RNY said that he knew he would find a way to eat around his band and that is why he chose to have the Bypass surgery. I also have an Aunt who had Bypass. She lost weight but she also figured out a way to eat around her surgery and gained her weight back. She still struggles with diets now. You can find bad things about every surgery, but why such disdain for the band? The idea that you either do it the way I did it or you're doing it wrong makes me cranky. Excuse me, my way seems to be working perfectly fine for me. I also always try to be diplomatic and say that we are all on the same page if we had WLS, we want to get healthy, so why worry about which surgery you or I had.
I guess its just like anything in life, you can find information anywhere to support your point of view. The integration of the site has just made me more aware of how people view me as a bandster. Often times, I get dismissed as if my opinions or my weight loss is of little or no consequence. I'm not the type to rip someone in the forums when this happens... so, here I am in my blog, pounding away on my keyboard getting it out of my system so I can go on my merry way.
In the name that all is holy... people PLEASE stop posting questions in the forums on what surgery you should get. You can get that information online, from your Dr. and just your own informed decision making skills. We can't tell you what to do and it almost always turns into a battle of my surgery is better than your surgery. Aren't we all adults and cant we just be happy for each other that we're taking steps to improve our quality of life?
Last night I got the wild idea that I would look up Lab Band Vlogs on YouTube. Big MISTAKE. HUGE! The first 20 or so results were all negative. The first lady I watched to understand why she hated the Lap Band and seemed to make it her personal mission in life to discourage the world from this evil thing called the lap band. As I listened I heard excuse after excuse as to why her band failed. She said she threw up everyday and that nobody told her about PB's. Then she went on to say later that she never got restriction and could eat a plate full of food. Two things. 1)If you over eat you are going to get sick.2) If you're having PB's you have some sort of restriction. She talked about never having restriction again, then told a story of how she almost died (rolling eyes) because she was over filled and couldn't swallow her own saliva. Ok... so we can all conclude she had restriction. She also confesses she's a binge eater. Another red flag. You have to commit to eating smaller portions and having the will power to stop eating when you're full. In my most humble newbie opinion this lady was either not educated on how the Lap Band works, and if that's the case shame on her surgeon, or she just thought it was going to fix all her eating issues. She also kept using air quotations when she said the Lap Band was a "tool". She said she hated when people said that. MY GOD WOMANIT IS A TOOL. NOT A MIRACLE CURE!
I was so sad to see all the comments of gratitude for her being so brave to post such an honest video. Uhm... that was not an honest video that was an angry woman who failed to follow band 101 rules. It actually made me angry. I considered the video an EPIC FAIL. She made broad sweeping generalizations saying that the only people that the band works for were people who replaced one vice for another. She used the example of transference of food binging for exercise. They just swapped one for the other.
I have to say that I realize that there are risk of complications with the band and that it doesn't work for everyone. But, from what I've read most of the time if people are truly honest they failed the band the band didn't fail them. AND... If you're band isn't working talk to your doctor be persistent there could be something mechanically wrong with your band... but you have to be diligent in taking care of your band. It's high maintenance, but I have to tell you, knowing that every month I have to go in and see my Dr. and be accountable for my weight loss and how I've been treating my band makes me mind my P's and Q's.
I've been stuck at 230 for two weeks...but... I've lost another jeans size so my body is losing inches. I love my band. If I was brave enough I would start my own Vlog on YouTube.
Just a side note. I always here the soup Nazi's voice in my head from Seinfeld when I want something I shouldn't have. He says, "No cookies or cupcakes for you!".
Happy Hump Day, Ya'll!
As February is winding down I've started looking back at myself last year at this time. If you've read my story you know last March I had serious medical issues and was in the hospital for over a month, on dialysis and heavier than I'd ever been. Its INSANE!!
The good thing about that negative situation is the positive changes that have taken place in my life since last year. I'm on my way to looking like I feel on the inside. I feel so much more healthy on the inside and can't wait until people can see what I see when I look in the mirror. I've lost tons and some days I even feel thin at a size 16 now. It's all relative. Some of you may not feel like sz 16 is thin but coming from where I was, believe me... its a big- noticeable change! My daughters told me last week that I no longer had MOM butt. I guess my arse is no longer flat and long. It's got some shape. That's high praise coming from them. LOL!
I'm now looking forward to my trip to Vegas in April. Girls Trip! Woot! Gotta lose 9 more lbs to reach the smaller goal I set for myself when I had my surgery in September before I go... but, I'm sure I'll do it! I'm knocking on wood here because I haven't met my goal yet... but, my journey has been great. My weight loss has been constant and after making it through "band hell" I've never grumbled at my band. Instead, my band has been the best investment I've made in myself... EVER!
Finally, It's true what they say. If Mama Ain't Happy. Ain't Nobody Happy! My entire family has been impacted in a positive way due to my WLS. Without sounding like a complete cliché. I'm a better Me!
Happy Thursday, Peeps!
So, please pardon me and accept my apology if I happen to step on toes here. Sincerely!
I almost gave up on this site with the reorg. I lost a lot of the old timers who had helped me along the way. These people were wonderful. They never talked down to me or told me to go dig through past forums to find the answer. They generously shared their personal experience, (which has turned out to be invaluable). Here's where the cranky part came in, finding out that some of the older bandsters were tired of answering all the questions for the newbies and they should start asking their doctor and not them, unless we wanted to pay this person. (I'm sure she was being snarky). I've read things like if you don't like it... don't read it... block me... I don't care. What in the world has happened to you that you could be so cruel to people who were not so long ago on the same path you were on? Just HATEFUL. I know this person doesn't need my respect, validation, or approval... so they definitely don't have it.
If the people on this site bother some folks so much then I think its time to leave. It's kinda like when you get older and have to stop driving! You're running too many people over to have anybody listen to you. BTW. I can usually let things run off my back but after seeing post after post. I had to vent.
Not usually a whiny ******!
Best Wishes To Everyone!
This week has been very stressful! I would catch myself picking something up unhealthy to eat and stop right before I took a bite. I've come a long way baby! This is the type of munching I have always done.
This brings me to my next point. I was not happy with the changes to the site originally; however, my viewpoint has changed. When I need to keep focused I get on here and read and respond to people and it gets my brain back on track. I don't even mind reading the negative stuff. I actually find it comical. NOT ALL - there are exception to every rule, but for the most part they are not working their band.
So, today I put down that potato chip and grabbed a Greek yogurt. I didn't realize I had the WILL to WANT this so badly... but I do!
Here's to letting go of the things I cannot control and focusing on what I CAN CONTROL.
I had a 12 lb loss last month! I had a Dr appointment with my PCP due to my continued back problems this week. I wont bore you will All of those. Anyway- my blood pressure was 120/70. Unbelievable considering it was 160/111 the last time I went to my PCP. I've lost about 89 lbs. I watch very closely what I'm eating and the quantities. Having the LapBand has been the best decision of my life. OHHH. Plus. My mom bought me an outfit 4 sizes smaller than what I was wearing prior to surgery( as incentive) and guess what? IT FIT ME! My Mom and my two daughters where jumping up and down and screaming with me!! Best Christmas present ever!
Hope everyone is enjoying the beginning of the New Year!
I've always been a person who tries to focus on the positives in my life. Lately, that's been tough. I've had a lot of family issues then add the stress of Christmas to the mix and I've been feeling kinda down. So, a couple of weeks ago I decided to take the bull by the horns and make some changes in my life. I started seeing a therapist. Dont judge me. LOL! Honestly, I feel better just knowing that I'm taking action to change how my life has been going. After all, I had LB surgery this year and have been doing really good. So... what do I have to complain about? NOTHING! I'm pulling myself up by my bootstraps and I'm getting back to the old me. Sometimes, I think as women we dont take care of ourselves. We're too busy taking care of our children or extended family and we forget about our own needs. I hope everyone has a Happy Holiday and takes care of themselves!
I know I just wrote a long blog yesterday, but last night something frightening happened to my 18 year old daughter who is in college. She was leaving her dorm to go get dinner at the adjacent dorm, when she was attached by two men. They pushed her to the ground, held her down with a foot in her chest and proceeded to choke her. They were yelling at her that they wanted her money. Well, as with most college students she didn't have any cash. She told them to take her debit cards out of her wallet which was on a lanyard around her neck. Once they got the cards they quickly ran away.
Brittany is the kindest person. She's gone through her life dealing with bullies and struggled with fitting into her niche'. She's about to finish her first semester at school and has straight A's. As a Mom I couldn't be prouder. You all can imagine my horror when she called me inconsolably crying telling me she had been jumped on her way to dinner. She was so freaked out she ran directly to her dorm room and locked herself inside, then called me. I called campus security (who rushed right over) and shortly after sent out a mass email warning the rest of the campus about the assault and robbery that had taken place by her dorm. They also doubled up campus patrols as well as the City Police patrolling extra. SIGH! I haven't slept today or should I say last night. As a parent all you ever want to do is love and protect your children, no matter how old they get. She struggles with severe anxiety and this semester has been a stretch for her, but she's in the home stretch. She just had to make it through this week and was looking forward to Thanksgiving break. Now, all she could talk to me about was how she could feel the guys dry, itchy skinned hand around her neck pushing harder into her throat and she didn't think she would ever be able to get that image out of her mind. I'm so THANKFUL that they didn't rape or kill her, but I still ask the question, Why? Why do people feel the need to steal from others? Her father wants to hunt the two guys down and kill them for touching his daughter. I'm sure if we knew we could find them we would have been on that campus. I'm just praying they weren't students that she might possibly run into again. The exit she took out of her dorm is officially off limits and she's not to walk anywhere alone after dark. I only wish it would have happened to me and not her.
As you can imagine, with all this drama going on old habits began to form in my mind. I wanted comfort food... carbs and some sweets, maybe a soda. She didn't want to miss her classes and kept telling me she just had to finish up this week. She began to sense I was falling apart and was showing me how strong she could be. I didn't give in to my cravings. As a matter of fact, I didn't eat dinner at all last night. I drank a couple bottles of water and talked on the phone with Brittany while we watched one of her favorite MTV shows, Teen Mom 3. She took some anti-anxiety meds and I could tell she was beginning to get sleepy so I reluctantly let her go and told her to call me if she needed me for anything. My phone never rang and I know for sure because I never slept.
To top things off my oldest daughter, who is expecting, showed up at my door around 10:30. Rae had a fight with her hubby and laid her head in my lap and cried wishing she was a teenager again. Missing the memories we had created as a family for her and making me feel like a super mom. Thinking about it now I'm wondering if she showed up on a ruse to give me comfort and to make me feel better. Hmmmm. I love my children. They are a gift from God. Even though I didn't get to hold Brittany and comfort her, Rae's head in my lap while letting me give her advice on her relationship and what to expect in the coming months of her pregnancy was cathartic. Writing this blog has made me realize how BLESSED I am. Even though today was not a good day. Everybody, though worse for the wear; is doing okay and most importantly we all still love each other very much.
I made it through a very stressful evening without binging on bad foods. I should have eaten dinner, but I'll take the absence of food versus the bad, high calorie type any day! I just pray for protection for my family and friends. Here's to learning life lessons, even if sometimes it has to be the hard way.
I sure love my kids!
Rachel (20) Brittany (18) Michael (13)
Thanks for reading my vent!
Till Next Time,
Tara
Here I am 3 months after being banded. I feel proud of the progress that I've made... but sorta bummed because I have such a long road ahead of me. I look back to last April and I realize how far I've come. I actually weighed 332 lbs before I got sick. So, since then I've actually lost 70 some lbs. I know, I know I should be proud but I'm looking at more than a 100 lbs to go to get to my goal. That's a lot of weight. I need to set small goals to keep myself motivated. I'm also bummed because I have so many back problems that its making it impossible for me to exercise.
I've had two fills. I have 6cc's in my 14 cc band. I'm calling today to see if I can come in early and get my third fill this week because I know I need it, I'm not in the green yet. Which brings me to my next thought. I had an "Ah Ha" moment this week. I don't know how many times I've heard that the band is just a tool it doesn't make you lose weight. This is SO TRUE! I've had the band for three months and really I've been dieting for three months. I've changed the way I eat and watch my calories. My band isn't tight enough to "KEEP" me from eating. Technically, I could eat whatever I wanted and quite a bit of it, but I'm using my willpower to keep myself on track. Some days are better than others. My point is the band isn't working for me right now so I'm still on my own. I made up my mind that I was going to lose weight and that's exactly what I'm doing! I just didn't realize it would take so long to get my band to the right spot to get me losing with my band. If anybody is reading this that hasn't been banded yet, just realize the band does work it just takes a lot of maintenance. You have to be in contact with your surgeon. I've only been going once a month but I'm hoping to start going every two to three weeks until I get where I need to be. After my fills usually by week two I know how I can eat and what's going on with my hunger.
I know I'm just rambling, but that's what my blogs are for! I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving this year and I'm not worried about gaining. I'm more nervous about being around family, and them seeing how slow or what a small amount I eat. Plus, those who know will be looking at me to see if they can tell if I've lost weight. I've lost two jeans sizes. Go me! Go me! Go me! My daughter who comes home on the weekends from college always tells me she can tell the difference in my weight. She told me my clothes were too baggy and I needed to wear smaller clothes to show off my body more. This is another issue. I don't see myself any thinner so I'm still wearing clothes to disguise my body. I really still need to because I have a bad case of muffin top going on now. The jeans are all low cut and I need to lose weight around my middle. Can't wait until I'm to the point where I can get a tummy tuck!! Also, my poor tata's are shrinking. Of course, the first person to tell me about that was my hubby. LOL!!
Finally, I mainly wrote this for myself to remind me where I've come from and where I am and to set my mind straight to where I wanna be! I can do this! I am doing this! BUT, its hard. This is not an easy fix. The band is not a quick fix. The band requires dedication and pure commitment to your goal. It's not just another diet either. It's a life changing way to help you eat healthier and in turn you get your life back! I'm getting out more. I'm doing more with my friends and that happy party girl is coming back! Everyone around me has noticed it. I'm THANKFUL that I feel more confident! I'm so glad I got the band and I'm so glad I found this site. Even though it's changed dramatically. I love all my new lapband friends! I'm thankful I have friends and family that are supportive! I feel blessed and I'm going to continue to work hard to lose these last 100 lbs. It might take me two years but I'm going to get there!
Hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving!
Till Next Time,
Tara
Today I wasn't feeling like taking my early morning walk. It's been a stressful few days and I was letting it get the best of me. When someone rang my doorbell and my dogs went nuts. I have two small dogs, a black POM and a brown Chihuahua. It was the mail carrier and I had to sign for a package. My husband is always ordering things from Ebay and Amazon, so I was thinking how annoyed I was at him for ordering something else!
Well, guess what my little Taco did? He bolted out the door like a bat out of hell. I slipped on my flip flops and went chasing after him. Those of you who have small dogs know how quick they can be and wouldn't you know it... That little dog made me chase him around the entire neighborhood! He finally got tired about a mile away from home and I had to carry him the rest of the way. The entire time I'm cussing him under my breath. Then, as I'm walking up the finally hill to my house I realize my little doggy got me out of the house to take a walk. Not the kind I had in mind, but I still got out and walked a good two miles.
Who knows if I would have walked today, but because my little Taco wanted to go on an adventure I took one and sitting her now... I feel great!
I began researching WLS about 5 years ago. At that time I weighed about 250 lbs. My insurance at the time would not cover the procedure. My doctor actually told me if I gained 50 more lbs I would be more likely to be approved. At the time I was like WTF. Who says that?! But guess what? Over the next 5 years I gained 50 lbs. I ,had several Dr apppointmens for different health issues, bulging discs, sciatica, Hipertension, Carpal Tunnel, Insomnia, I just seemed to hurt everywhere. It made me feel depressed and have anxiety. I didn't want to go out and do things like I used to b/c I had gained so much wieght. I was always the happy person who loved to go out and do stuff. But...
In April, I took my regular medicine before bed and went to sleep. I had been given a higher pain medication that I hadn't been on for awhile because my sciatica was really bad. I could hardly walk. Well, guess what. I had an allergic reaction and suddenly became allergic to ambien which I had been taking for over 5 years. My son found me unresponsive. Needless to say, I spent 3 weeks in the hospital most in ICU b/c I went into kidney failure. I had to be on dialysis for about 7 weeks and it made me deathly ill. I couldn't eat, but I had so much fluid on me b/c I wasn't able to get rid of the fluids on my own. It was the most horrible thing that has happened to me. My family was told several times that they didn't think I was going to make it. I was on a respirator and had pneumonia.
SOOOO, after I recovered I didn't mess around anymore I got on all the information that I needed in order to have my surgery approved and did it. I WANT, I NEED to change my life. I'm still young and have so much more to do. I dont want to give up. I want to live life to its fullest and I need to get this weight off so I can PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR. Just kidding, well kinda. I am looking forward to having my daughters and son happy and with families of their own one day.
I'm banded and on my way to letting myself be the person whose been hiding inside me, begging to come back out! Watch out World!!
