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My Journey -

My Journey 9/12/14   Next week it will have been a year – I was banded 9/19/13 but my journey didn’t start there… It was a long time coming that wake up moment when you realize nothing is going to change without some effort and commitment on your part to make it change. There wasn’t really any one ah ha moment but rather a number of smaller nudges that pushed me in the right direction... March of 2013 saw me at around 240 250lbs getting on a plane for work and later to see family… seat belt didn’t close very easily.. It shut but the flight was miserable. Then for the first time I was bigger in size then my brother we had always been similar in build – but he had managed to slim back down to the weight of his youth while I seemed set on tripling mine.   Pictures that spring where posted on Facebook I couldn’t figure out who that woman was looking back. I wasn’t willing to acknowledge it was me. I was horrified, OMG, did I really look that bad. I normally shied away from the pictures oh there are one’s here and there over the years when I decided I had lost enough that I could be captured forever frozen the way I was…   May brought my annual health check – not so good… another year of doing what I was doing and I’d be looking a medication for all sorts of things – blood pressure – cholesterol – diabetes things need to change…   June rolled round and I got on the scale… 269.. It would get worse from there before it got better but seeing those numbers 269 literally took my breath away. I had been thinking on lap band for a while. I had listened to the commercials and gone on line to research but that day I made the call and scheduled my evaluation meeting knowing my insurance would cover the surgery if I decided to move forward. Right there during the meeting I went on and had my diagnostics done to see if I was healthy enough for surgery.   On the day my primary care Dr signed a letter saying it was medically necessary for me to have this surgery my weight had bloomed to 282. It seemed that I had managed to rationalize that as I was going to have this surgery I could spend the last few weeks before indulging any way I wanted. My Dr. tried to talk me in to alternate surgery’s apparently not really a believer in the band. I told him it didn’t matter what he thought I was the one doing it.   It took 3 wks to get approved during this time I decided that I needed to start living as if I was banded. I got the call on sep 3rd saying it was a yes and did I want to schedule the surgery for the following week. I panicked so it was pushed to the 19th to give my self-time to adjust it had all of a sudden become very real for me.   The morning of the surgery I was a wreck imaging everything possible – said goodbye to my girls like I didn’t expect to see them again. I very nearly left the surgery office after getting there I was why do I need this surgery I can do it myself. But in reality I knew that I couldn’t although I had weighed myself that morning and it was 272 the first sizable drop in weight I had in years I wasn’t sure if I could keep it going by myself.   Surgery went well recovery was – text book. All the right complaints thought I was dying from the gas but I survived and moved past it all. Every day since I have taken one day at a time, the fight has gone I no longer fight with the urge to eat enough for a family of 3. I still eat what I want but can now stop and actually put food down when I realize I don’t need it. I’m full I’m satisfied. Being satisfied is key – it isnt’ really healthy to eat until feeling full – to eat until satisfied is the point – it has taken me the best part of a year to truly understand. I’ve had many adjustments to my band even getting to the point it was too full. Spending my time in the bathroom because every meal was a fight just wasn’t the way I wanted to live not to mention the health risks. So I had it adjusted and removed some of the fluid. BEST decision ever.. After the first one off course of actually getting the band.   Weight loss for the most part has been good. This morning I weigh 211.4 OMG… I don’t recall the last time I weighed this little. I still have a ways to go but i have a handle on it I know I will get there it will just take time. And now because I’m a much healthier time is something I have again. There have been many small victories this past year, wearing smaller clothes, fitting and being comfortable on an international flight, to curling up on the sofa with your legs tucked under – to even taking control even further and attending the circuit training class that I have wanted to do so all year. It’s brutal but I can do it is the point.   There have been times if I’m honest where I have questioned what I have done, why am I not the size 12 I so want to be. I’m a 16 every one has self-doubts. I usually come here and post when one of those black clouds are hovering – this site and the wonderful members have been my foundation for success without them I’m not sure what I would be like.. YOU GUYS ROCK!!   I’m hoping that by sharing someone who is on the fence about WLS whether it is the band, bypass or sleeve just know that there are many many of you out there with the same questions concerns.   I’ve recently pledged to be a voice/representative for True Results where I had my surgery done. Yea you can look at it that it’s free advertisement for them if folks like me go out and share our journey but I look at it like this. If I can help change just one person’s life by sharing my experience than why not. I wish someone would have found me earlier in my journey – having someone to share it with that understands what you are going through makes such a difference.   So if you’re in the phoenix area or even if you’re not and are considering weight loss surgery (WLS) and want to chat feel free to message me. If nothing else it is always great to talk and meet new people.   To our journeys may they end where we want them to and may there be joy and laughter along the way.
intelirish

intelirish

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2Mts Banded.

So today i realized i have been banded now for a little over 2mts.. It feels like it has been a life time.. I keep telling myself i'm doing great.. that with time and patience the band will work for me as it does for others. I have lost weight and for the most part have kept it off..   However having had 2 fills i have yet to feel any true restriction and still can eat what i want. i just no longer eat large portions. Which i do count as a HUGE WIN for me. because my god could I eat before hand....   Every day is a struggle with hunger. it is so hard to not reach out for that second spoon full of what ever after i have already put my allotment for that meal on my plate.   To not visit the vending machine to see what deliciousness is to be found..- Never had the urge before banding not sure where it has come from now wishing it would leave me now....   There have been times when i have gotten so hungry that i'm half way through before i remember i am banded and then freeze in fear that i have done something wrong.   What keeps me going -   The truly AMAZING wonderful people i have gotten to know through this site. The wonderful honest feedback, support and knowledge sharing the knowledge that eventually i will get the restriction i am looking for.. just have to keep the chin up and marching forward.   I can do this
intelirish

intelirish

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Farewell.......

Farewell size 20W I will not miss you much, You have been with me through the tough times, Welcome size 18W OH how I have missed you… I look forward to some good times.. May you not over stay your welcome… Farewell size 20W - Here is my pledge… To remember the times we had together To remember the why’s To remember NEVER AGAIN…..   :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub: :wub:
intelirish

intelirish

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Reasons why I LOVE where I work

Today although it's not like it wasn't apparent before ... i truly realized how blessed i am to work where i do. For the 1st week post surgery my manager supported 100% my working a reduced schedule at home with no impact to pay.. Being back in the office was less of a hindrance than i thought along with being chased home around 2pm everyday with the words go home and rest and heal..My work environment is amazing.. my desk is height adjustable so that i can go from sitting to standing at my desk easily so that i can take the pressure of the port incision so that it won't hurt as much. to they gym facilities where i can walk on the thread mil for as long as i want while i take a meeting on the phone. To the cafe with their long list of healthy/organic food options. to the AMAZING laptop bag our admin just ordered so that i don't have to carry my laptop around - given that it's pretty darn heavy..   I AM BLESSED..  
intelirish

intelirish

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Strong words

so i read the following words today on Facebook no less.. but they made me stop and pause....   A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?"   Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.   She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."   She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."   Remember to put the glass down.   They are certainly words that should make you pause and think.. what is it that i carry with me each and every day .. Yes i should look to the future but today it's here and now and if i can just learn to live in the moment knowing i'm doing the best i can shouldn't that take care of everything? Knowing that each food choice is as healthy as it can be in that moment of choice that we should just accept each choice for what it is and move on to the next not dwelling on why did i's? I've spent so much time on the why did i's that it became natural for me to start on the well why not one more can't hurt... for me it's time to put the Glass down.. accept that on occasion it is ok to feed the wild side.. but to also accept the fact i need to feed the smarter healthier side a little more often..
intelirish

intelirish

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Your first Joy ride post op

So here i am 4 day's post op and feeling pretty good considering.. hunger is controlled with little to no food.. first time EVER i'm sure this is more a result of the swelling more than the band but if its a good indication of what's ahead and how i'll manage life will be good..any way i digress .... my daughter and her friend had decided to go into town for some much deserved frozen yogurt.. not sure what they did to deserve it but when her friends barely one week old new to her car would not start after she came by to pick her up the look of disappointment was more than this mom could manage so while the dad's tried to figure out the car issue... she agreed and is blaming it on the med's she's not actually taking any more.... to allow her daughters friend to drive her car into town and get some yogurt.. and went with them again "insert meds".... the drive into town was mostly mom change the IPOD no not that song.. geeze mom it's still on repeat to crap there goes my shake all over the floor of my car.. i was surprised by my TOTAL lack of interest in anything at the frozen yogurt place.. the journey home was much more quite but a lot more bouncy having taken a different route home.. Lesson learned those important decisions they as you NOT to make immediately post op.. perhaps they should extend it to the weekend i survived it was a trip.. but i'm glad it's over... heart back in chest.
intelirish

intelirish

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Subliminal message

so i just got of the phone with a coworker meeting was for work but as all-things go quickly led to the more personal area.. how are.. your having your surgery tomorrow etc etc. then she shared with me some tips on being successful while on the liquid diet.. she recently had her jaw reconstructed and knows all about having to eat all your meals through a straw.. she was don't be afraid to experiment. the strangest things can taste wonderful in a blender but to always start with only a small portion that way you don't end up wasting food.   But the thing she shared with me that i found to be the most interesting. she told me to ask the anesthesiologist to give you a subliminal message as they put you to sleep. She said that during her first surgery for her jaw 13 mts ago she asked that he tell her she doesn't need to smoke and that she will recover quickly well and with limited pain..Her recovery she said was fast and she has not smoked since that day 13 mts ago   so tomorrow if i'm not too embarrassed or don't forget because i'm freaking out .... i'm going to mine to tell me i will recover well with limited pain and that i will enjoy my new healthier life style....
intelirish

intelirish

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End of an Era....

Today marks the end of Me as we currently know me.. Today i say good bye to the food dependent, emotional binge eating person i have become.. well in all honesty i said good bye to her about 2 weeks ago when i started the last leg of this journey and went on the Pre-Op diet. Tomorrow marks the start of the next stage of my life, to say i wasn't anxious, nervous... possibly a little freaked would be an understatement. The idea of surgery terrifies me... this isn't the first time I've had surgery but each time has been the same right up to the point where they put you to sleep the crazy thoughts will flash through my head of the what if's...   I know i am in good hands.. I discussed this with the nurse at the surgery center.. I would take the word of a nurse over a surgeon ANY day.   I know i will be fine   I know i am strong enough to do this.   I know I HAVE to do this   This is for me. This is for the girl i used to be This is for the slightly older hopefully smarter woman i want to be. This is for my girls - i will be there to share all those mile stones in their life's they have not yet reached. This is for ME....   Can't wait for this Era to end and for the next one to begin.
intelirish

intelirish

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