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'Twas the Night Before Surgery.....

'Twas the night before surgery and all through the house everything was quiet even this mouse!   Well in 12 hours I will be leaving for the hospital to begin a new chapter in my life. I never thought this was a road I would be taking but here I am nevertheless. It has been an eye opening journey so far.   My pre-op diet turned out to be a total success. For 14 days I followed all the rules and directions of my surgeon and nutritionist. It was a positive experience and actually taught me a lot about myself. I can do what I must even when it puts me in an uncomfortable spot. I've re-learned what TRUE hunger is and I now have a better and more intimate understanding of what head hunger is and feels like. I wonder why I never strayed for these past 2 weeks and then I came to this conclusion. Besides laying on that operating table for the surgery, I have one job...and one job only. Shrink my liver! Well, I figure since they need to move it a bit I could at least make it as lean and non-slippery as possible. I've read many posts lately about how people are falling off the "pre-op wagon" and that its okay because after all if we could stay on a 2week diet we wouldn't need weight loss surgery would we....those posts really got to me. But in the end, I am only responsible for me and my body. I've abused it enough over the past 44 years so i figured I could do it right for 14 days at least. So I am not saying I am any better than the next person, because I surely am not....but perhaps people should think about those goldfish or that cheeseburger....is it really worth it....ummm, for me....NO. And please know, with a 3 and 6 year old I made it thru making lunches (with extra peanut butter on the knife)...lots of snacks (some with just a cookie or two left in the bag)...and meals (nothings better than leftover mac and cheese from my kids' plates). I lived my life and made it work because I HAD TO!   I've learned more about fear and uncertainty...constantly wondering if this was a good decision, the right decision, what may or may not happen before, during and after surgery. Will I love it....will my band be good to me...will i be good to it???....will I have success like so many here. Lots and lots of unanswered questions.   I've learned more about support and friendship. I've met many nice people, on this forum and in person, and am happy to now call several of them friends. It's nice to have a place to go and people who support you. A place like this...a place to come and not be judged....for what you look like or how "large" you are. That's a rare thing in todays cruel society.   I sit here on my couch feeling very calm and at peace and it bothers me a little that I am not more nervous...since that is my nature. Granted, my one and only concern....and its a biggy....is I just want to wake up from this surgery and know that I will see my babies again. I know that I will...I've come this far and all of this has happened for a reason. For me, I'm going to take each new day as it comes....each one is a gift and I am walking forward on this journey with good thoughts and the hopes of positive things to come.   Tomorrow's a new day! A day to celebrate a new and healthier me! I want this...I want it bad. I'm willing to work and following what I must. I'm willing to take responsibility for me and my new little friend that will soon become a part of me!   Sometimes it takes a lot of faith and a lot of work....I'm ready for both!
chasingadream

chasingadream

7
 

A Whole New World....

I've discovered since having my lap band surgery on Sept. 19th that a whole new world is really out there waiting for me...and I am quite excited by this!   In 7 weeks and 5 days I have learned so much more about myself than I ever would have thought possible. First and foremost....I can eat to live and not live to eat anymore. This is a big one....as a constant food grazer for the past 30 or so years...who knew you could really just eat to nourish your body and mind and move on with your day....with your life.   My band and I are forging a whole new relationship together and we are getting along fabulously....I'm learning to stop at satisfied, chew, chew, chew, and to eat slowly. When I do this I don't feel that pressure in my chest I experienced a few times when first back on solids. I eat when I'm hungry...this is a new one for me. I actually wait when my stomach begins to growl and really get rowdy. Why one might ask. Because I havent felt TRUE hunger in so many years its actually a nice feeling. It reminds me that this is the signal that tells me....Yup....time to put some nourishment in me....and that's it!   Food is not all consuming to me anymore. I dont have any cravings. I dont know if its the band or the plication but I am loving it! I realized a week ago that I can eat something like a fun-size bag of peanut M+M's and the food demon of my past will not be unleashed. I thought for sure once I had that taste of chocolate...the taste of salty and sweet...the taste of goodness and comfort and joy that those M+M's used to elicit would cause me to slip back into old eating habits and patterns. You know what....IT DIDNT. Mind you, panic over this little "snack" did cause fear in my heart and soul as I ran around the house for the rest of the night telling my hubby that I surely released "the demon". Well, guess what?...the next day was like any other banded day for me. Eating breakfast, lunch, my little snack to get me to dinner and then to my last meal of the day- dinner.   Now when I see that bowl of leftover Halloween candy, I glance at it and say ....aaahhh...and walk away and onto the next thing I was going to do. Moments like that I now say WOW to.   At work, no one (well actually only one person---the wonderful school nurse who helped me when I fell outside of work right before my lap band surgery and i basically broke down because of the stress of everything---knows). One girl has said I've lost weight.....many others comment on how great my hair looks and they all love the shirts I'm wearing. I find it funny....not sure if they dont know what to say or this is how they are noticing it. I've always been a loose fitting shirt girl, always trying to cover up all my baggage and now my clothes are beginning to hang even more. I know I've got to get new stuff but the thought of not hiding stuff is all new to me. I will come around...for I must...but this part is the hard part right now.   I feel good...I feel light....I feel faster...I feel more energetic. I love that my wedding/engagement ring are constantly twisting on my finger. I love that my watch needs a link taken out. I love that I can eat at home or go out to eat with my family and I CAN eat. Whatever I want....sometimes better choices than others but I can always eat everything. I DO NOT feel deprived of anything. I don't miss the constant grazing, the donuts by the dozen, the pints of Ben & Jerry's, the 2 or 3 helpings at dinner.   I DO LOVE that my hubby is able to reach around me better when he gives me a hug....I can keep up with my kids better....i feel better about myself....i am happier than i've been in some time.....I'm healthier.....i've lost 46 pounds and this is just the beginning.   I look out my window and see that whole new world that being thinner offers and at times it is scary and seems so unknown but I wont know how truly great it all is unless I continue to travel down that road and reach that weight loss goal that has eluded me for sooooo many, many years.   So, watch out....'cause here I come!
chasingadream

chasingadream

1
 

Finding myself....

Well, it's post op day 4 and I'm trying to figure out this new me! Happily I am feeling really good! The surgery went well and I'm glad I was able to stay overnight in the hospital...I do feel it made quite a difference in my confidence coming home. I did not experience the gas some complain of and was able to sleep in my own bed laying on my side the very first night. Only needed some liquids Tylenol for pain too.   I have tons of info to read and re-read but when it comes down to the nitty gritty your pretty much on your own to figure out your new "innards".   I need to drink lots of fluids as not to dehydrate but that's tough one sip at a time...I'm getting in as much as I can! Not nearly what I should. Will keep working on that!   Eating...wow...that's a whole new world...again get in your protein shakes first...very important, but only can take in 3-4ozs at a time...trying to throw in some soup to add some variety but not a lot of protein there! I'm very much looking forward to mushies (actually looking forward to some tuna fish)-don't know why but I am! Then there's the whole- are you full??...it sounds easy to know pre-banding but not so much after! Afraid of taking that one more sip that may push you over the top....I'm getting it-slowly but surely! Still some very old habits to break there (going slower, actually thinking about what your doing when you eat, and the whole clean your plate club)--all of which are very embedded after years and years of use.   Then there's the vitamins...need to get them in but their chewable and big and I'm on liquids-so I chew and chew and dissolve them all the way! They taste pretty yummy...lol.   It's a lot of pressure to follow all the rules. That parts a no-brainier for me-it took me a long time to finally decide on WLS and I won't jeopardize anything by cutting corners...but it's hard...not a bad hard just a new hard.   Many said the band is a lot of work and they weren't kidding! I know I'm fresh out of the starting gate and things will continue to progress, heal, and I will become more accustumed to and knowledgeable about my new me!   I'm blessed to have the most supportive hubby and two little ones who are being gentle on my belly but still sharing lots of hugs and kisses with their mama. I'm blessed to have been given this new chance to make a change for the better concerning my health and to finally feel better about myself and who I am.   So this is a whole new chapter in my book of life!   And these weren't complaints or gripes about the band but more of an acknowledgement that I have much to continue to learn about me and my new little friend...   They say you learn something new everyday...ain't that the truth....and a good truth it is!   So to all those who have helped me get this far, and you know who you are...I say a great big THANK YOU-because as scary and as daunting and as exciting of an adventure as this whole banded world is -it's nice to have people who know what you're taking about and care to help!
chasingadream

chasingadream

4
 

Questions Asked=Questions Answered

OK....so after all the drama I found here from one 'crazy' thread....and the fear I found from it...tonight I can say that i have PEACE.   I made my follow-up appt. with my surgeon (after the initial consult) and went in with my ever supportive hubby (i am truly blessed) and my full paged typed in tiny font list of questions I have come up with since my initial consult on May 28th. Many of my questions stemmed from many of the posts found right here and some came from my continued researching to learn all I can about what I am getting into when I have my surgery on Sept. 19th with the LapBand with Plication.   What I found out was that the band is meant to be a LONG-TERM tool in my quest to remove this excess weight and keep it off...the plication is there to help...i love my surgeons analogy of its "a belt with suspenders".   If I am compliant with my surgeon's directions and use the excellent aftercare program that is set up by my surgeon's office I will be just fine. He stressed that any questions or problems that may arise should be called into the office immediately so that it can be checked out....most times it will be nothing!!   I know that my surgeon is one of the best with the proper training and experience performing LapBand with Plication. I am in good hands and this is the BEST DECISION FOR ME!   What I take from this...if you have questions ASK YOUR SURGEON...if you have doubts about what your are going to do....ASK YOUR SURGEON....if you don't truly know what you are getting into(pre and post op and long term) ASK YOUR SURGEON.   At first I was nervous and felt ridiculous going back to my surgeon and asking my "silly" questions....some generated here and some elsewhere...what would he think??....honestly, I think he was happy I was coming back and straightening out many untrue statements and POSSIBLE complications that I was told WERE SURE TO HAPPEN TO ME IF I GOT THE LAPBAND!   I left that office feeling great about my decision to move forward and I take that very seriously since I have 2 small children who count on me every day!   And before anyone :ph34r: can say "hey there WILL BE complications"....yes there COULD be and yes there MAY NOT BE ANY!   So with that...I move full steam ahead and continue trying out protein shakes to find the best ones for me and I move forward and buy myself some tiny plates to eat from and I move forward and start cutting liquids from my meals and I move forward and start practicing eating slower and taking small bites....   ...and most importantly.....I AM MOVING FORWARD! :wub:
chasingadream

chasingadream

4
 

Fear and friends...my lapband journey

This lapband journey has had its ups and downs already and I'm still waiting to be banded. Finishing with the nutritionist tomorrow and then a surgery date and insurance approval and then I'm home free....so they tell me.   It's been some journey so far. An experience in every aspect. First, the decision to do this...years in the making...and what a decision it is...lots of research, lots of reading, and lots of questions. Then, came the testing...the poking, the prodding, the multitude of appts and doctors and hoops to jump through. What came of it all...luckily, I'm "healthier" than I thought for being morbidly obese....or maybe I should say that my luck hasn't run out yet! And happily, I've begun to make some new friends on this journey of mine!   Just when I'm on a roll and feeling positive a flood of negativity and fear comes flooding in from just one thread on this site. It was disheartening and more than anything else...SCARY!!!!   So, I've decided the following..... ...I'm moving forward with positive thoughts ...I have a 2nd appt with my surgeon to ask every question that has come up since my 1st appt...and there are many!! ...I will continue to follow the positive, successful, and supportive members here who really want to help....YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!...AND I THANK YOU ALL AGAIN! ...I will continue to educate myself and ask as many questions as I want!   From all this I've learned I have the right to question and question and question some more....and not to feel bad about it. I've learned that unfortunately there are naysayers who dont want to share "opinions" and tell there story--they want to breed fear. :ph34r: I've learned I will not be a part of that again. I've learned to stop doubting myself to the point of panic setting in.   I'VE LEARNED TO BELIEVE IN ME...SOMETHING I HAVEN'T DONE FOR WAAAY TOO LONG! :wub:
chasingadream

chasingadream

2
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