I don't know how you all did it. I started my self imposed pre-op diet today and it sucks. big time. I am so sick of protein shakes already. I used to really enjoy them. I am crabby, I feel bloated and disgusting. I can't believe there are some people on here who did it for a month. HOW DID YOU SURVIVE?!? How did you not inflict bodily harm on those around you!?!?
I haven't exercised today (which is weird for me) because I haven't had any energy. Wednesday can't come soon enough.
To keep with the theme, I'm going to write a list of 3 things I hate about my pre-op diet
3. Protein Shakes
2. Protein Shakes
1. PROTEIN SHAKES.
My surgery is scheduled for June 26th 2013 at 10:15am. I have contemplated lap band for over 2 years and just within the past year decided to do it. Sometimes I still think to myself "do I really need this? am I being crazy? I'm not THAT fat", but then I look in the mirror, look at the numbers on the scale or see someone in public looking at me funny and I realize that I am THAT fat and I need help.
I had my first appointment with the surgeon on April 18th, 2013. Since then I have been eating like my life depends on it! Trying to get in everything I won't be eating after surgery. I know, I know, I'll be able to eat all the same things, just smaller portions (eventually), but I'm a food addict. Like an alcoholic can't have just one drink, I can't have just one bite. So for the last 2 months I've been eating like a glutton. I'm happy to say though, that over the last week I've come to terms with the fact that I won't be able to eat certain foods anymore. I've stopped the binge eating and am getting excited for my surgery. I've cut back my calories, started changing my eating habits by taking in more protein and not drinking when eating.
I said goodbye to binge eating, my social and emotional crutch, the most damaging relationship I've ever been in, and we broke up. Like many break ups I know it will be hard, and there will be slip ups, but I'm ready to start a new life with a new love, me.
Apparently I missed a day yesterday....oops! Today is 5 for 5 day. So here are 5 things I'm not looking forward to about surgery
5. Someone cutting me open!
4. A foreign object being placed in my abdomen
3. My co-workers working on me.....
2. Being intubated
1. Can we say Foley catheter!?
Had 2 big things happen today. First, I was able to get back to the gym for spin class for the first time since surgery and second, I saw my nutritionist.
Getting back to spin class was a big deal for me. Pre-surgery I worked out 4-5 times a week. Spin class was at least twice a week, and something I really love. I have been missing it for a while. I went to class like normal, but toned it down a bit. I'm normally really pushing myself to go faster and harder each time, but today I took it kind of easy. I'm sure that doesn't sound like a big deal to most people, but it is very hard for me to 'take it easy' with anything. My port got a bit sore mid class, but it was fine. It was so good to be back in the saddle!
I had an early morning appointment with my nutritionist today. She is nice, but it drives me a bit crazy that she looks like she has never weighed over 110lbs. She does know what she is doing though, and is very good at her job.
As many of you know I've been posting about not losing weight recently. I've been pretty frustrated and unable to determine what I am doing wrong. Well, I was told today that I'm not getting enough carbs! That is a first. I guess getting enough protein has been drilled into my head so hard that I kind of forgot to get carbs. She also told me I should be keeping my calories between 800-1100 and not eating my exercise calories. She printed up an example menu for me and I'm going to try to follow it the next two weeks and see what happens. I have my first fill on August 1st and I feel like I already need it. I ate 1000 calories today waaayyy to easily.....
9 more days! In honor of this milestone I thought I would give y'all a list of 9 things I'm excited about post banded weight loss life. I'm excited about...
9. Not feeling squished on the airplane
8. Not being embarrassed of my big arse when squeezing between rows of chairs
7. Not avoiding going to the beach with my friends
6. Not being embarrassed when out shopping with friends
5. Not being scared to ride my bike in public! (see last blog post for explanation)
4. Not deleting any and all pictures of me
3. Not feeling like people are judging/watching me when I eat
2. Not having to cover my arms because they are as big as some girl's thighs
1. Not having men yell "I like your jiggle" when I run!
Tomorrow morning at 9:30am eastern time I will be being wheeled into the OR to have my band placed! I'm excited, nervous, and scared. So many jumbled emotions, it is hard to settle on just one.
Am I doing the right thing? am I crazy? Is this going to negatively effect other aspects of my health? Is this somehow going to kill me? How am I going to get along without food as my emotional crutch!? My life is, hopefully, going to change a lot and for the better. If you are a praying person, please pray for my surgeons, PA, nurses, and techs to have steady hands and clear minds. Thank God for some Xanax for me!
I had a pretty rough night last night and a rough morning this morning. I haven't been able to sleep well the past two nights due to pain and I don't even know what. I will sleep for maybe 4 hours and then wake up, wide awake for no reason or wake up with port pain. I took my dog for a 20 minute slow walk yesterday, ran some errands in the car and I think I just overdid it. It felt good to be out and about, but yesterday evening and this morning I was paying for it. I Have spent the day today with my bottle of lortab, dog, and a good book.
Had my first post-op appointment with my surgeon this morning. He said everything looks good. My port was not damaged and it did not flip due to my coughing spell, so that was great news. I still can't go back to seeing patients ft until next week, and I'm a little bummed by that. I'm mentally ready to be back at work, but physically just can't do it yet. I'll go back and see my surgeon in 4 weeks for a check-up and my first fill.
On a happier note, I found a delicious low fat/low calorie organic soup called Pacific Cream of Tomato! It has 100 calories, 2 grams of fat and 5 grams of protein in 1 cup. I had it for both lunch and dinner today. I was able to get in 68g of protein so far today, which I think is a personal best since surgery.
Yup, you guessed it, 8 more days! In honor of this enormous achievement I've put together a little list of 8 post band goals/dreams
8. Lose weight!
7. Feel good about myself again
6. Cholesterol levels in the normal range
5. Do a 'real' push-up
4. Run for 3 miles without stopping
3. Wear shorts
2. Start dating again
1. Wear a bikini!
7 more days to go! Today I am going to list 7 things I like about myself currently, pre-banding:
7. I have great hair
6. I am loyal
5. I am kind
4. I always assume the best of others
3. I am helpful
2. I am smart
1. I love to learn
I am happy to say I am now 5 days post-op lap band placement! These last 5 days have been very difficult, but I know it will be worth it in the long run. I've had to deal with a lot of pain issues and my body not agreeing with the pain medication. When I first got home i was taking Lortab 15ml every 3.5 hours. It was all way too much for someone who has never taken pain medication before. My abdomen was huge and swollen, and I was barely able to pee.
The first night home was crazy, I was in so much pain and majorly drugged. I felt like I had bugs crawling all over my body and was constantly waking up from being 'stung' by the bugs. I can remember the pain of the stings were like little needles and I couldn't get away from them no matter what I did. My abdomen was also itching like crazy. When I got up in the morning and looked at my stomach I had a bright red, itchy rash from my sternum to my pelvic bone. Apparently I called my surgeon's office (I don't remember calling), and they determined I must have had an allergic reaction to hibicleanse (what they clean your stomach with to sterilize before surgery).
Every day has gotten better physically, and I think I'm right on target to where I should be in the healing process. What has been difficult has been the emotional side of lap band. Every time I've been upset about something I've wanted to eat. I haven't cried in years and I have cried now twice in the last 5 days. By taking away my ability to staunch my emotions with food, I have had to deal with my feelings straight on. I knew this would happen, but it doesn't make dealing with it any easier. In a strange way it has been a sort of relief to know that I can still feel things and have emotions. I'm hoping that losing weight/lap band can help me to learn to be more open and vulnerable to other people. I hate admitting that I need other people in my life and that I can't do everything on my own. It makes me vulnerable and open to getting hurt and that is really scary for me. Maybe by taking away some of the fat that I shield myself with I can learn to let other people in again.
1O more days! 10! it has gone by so fast. When I first scheduled my surgery it seemed so far away. I'm having a lot of mixed emotions but mostly excitement. I'm ready to get this going!
I love going to spin class and go twice a week but have been too afraid to ride my bike in public. I've been worried that I'm too fat to make it very far and will have to get off and walk. It is very hilly where I live so there is a very good chance that I wouldn't even make it a block away from home. I decided today that I'm going to sign up for some sort of bike race/charity event this fall with one of my friends. We will start training after I'm banded and with the help of the band (and exercise) I will lose some weight and biking will be easier I hope!
Can't wait to be more active and fit!
4 more days! I'm going to share 4 things I have done in the past week....
4. Had my pre-op appointment with the anesthesiologist. She said I would do fine and that I have a big mouth for easy intubation haha
3. I went to two spin classes, walked 3 miles every day I wasn't at the gym and even started running a bit
2. Took my dog to the vet because he has e.coli. If you know what that is then you will know that my week also consisted of cleaning up gross dog poop accidents in the house.
1. Practiced living the lap band lifestyle since my surgery is 4 days away!!
It's been a while since I have blogged. I've been out of town and living in a hotel for the past week trying to finish up all of my clinical hours. Staying to pureed foods has been difficult, but the hotel I stayed in had a fridge and a microwave in the room, so that made things a bit easier.
First couple days of being on my feet and seeing patients all day was super tiring, and I crashed as soon as I got back to the hotel. We have also had drug reps bringing us lunch every day and that has been a huge challenge. I've stayed under 1200 calories every day, averaging around 800-900, but those drug rep lunches just about killed me. I had brought my own food and everything, but I was just so darn sick of tomato soup, yogurt and jello. One day the rep brought boston market and I ended up eating a little less than a cup of stuffing (it was really soft and mushie). Some people in the clinic have noticed how small my servings are, but they accept my excuse of having been sick and trying to not eat too much to lose weight.
I am going to go to the gym for the first time since before surgery today. I'll probably just try walking on the treadmill or something else easy. I can't wait to get back to spin class and to be able to ride my bike again!
Still waiting to see the scale move down after my initial 15 lb loss....trying to be patient
