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I'm Melting...I'm Melting...

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"Optifast" = latin for "Terd No More"

Phat Journal Entry; Starting Weight: 325 lbs (March 10th, 07) Highest Weight : 340 lbs Curent Weight : 304 lbs Banding Date : MARCH 27TH, 2007.... 8 DAYS AWAY!!! I have lost 21 bls in 10 days of being on Optifast and excercising 30 - 60 mins/d. THE GOOD:angel: : Lost 21 lbs in 10 days....made it through first 3 days of intense carb hunger!! I am less nervous about surgery after chatting and reading enteries in this bulletin boards. I have decided that the best thing I can do to increase my chances of a positive surgery is to stick to my pre-op diet, remain positive and include the family in all steps. THE BAD : Hello my name is CanadianMacDaddy and I am an addict. I am addicted to Coke. Especially the Zero brand with its great taste, carbonation and sleek black label. I usually have 6 cans/day and have been warned that after banding carbonated beverages may be a NO NO! I quickly felt a stroke coming on as that also meant BEER... I am freaking Canadian and from East Coast... Beer paid my way through university (returned empties) after house parties. Anyway I am down to 4 cans of crack a day... even worse we just moved to Calgary and 4 houses down there lives a Coca-Cola service technician...Crack Master himself. The temptation is all around!!! THE UGLY :painkiller: : I have 3 young kids and Dad's quiet time was in the washroom with reading material or laptop. (A laptop in the washroom... is that a bad thing?) Now after being on Optifast I have no reason for the frequent bathroom breaks... "Terd No More" saw dust... so in a frantic search for fibre I have added lots in past few days and things are getting back to normal...well at least once a day regular! Pre-Op Meal of the Week: Ingredients: 1 - 10 oz Albertan Filet Mignon (pronounced MIG-NON) 1 strip of Canadian Back Bacon 200 grams of fresh raw mushrooms 5 grams of hot banana peppers 2 large white onions 1/2 bag of McCain's Tator Tots (any flavour) 6 Keith's Bottles of Beer 2 Carrots (for decorative purposes) 2 tbl of Extra Virgin Olive Oil (Extra Virgin...yeah right) 6 large strawberries 1/2 a banana 1 package of Vanilla Optifast 8 cubes of ice Consume 1 beer. (Do not go to washroom) Wrap filet with bacon strip. Secure using toothpick as you will need this later. Bring frying pan to high heat with Olive Oil and place filet in pan to sear... count to 9 (for those of you in Ontario just count to 3 three times) and turn over. REPEAT. Consume 1 Beer. (Do not go to washroom) Remove filet from pan and cook onions, mushrooms, banana peppers and tots in the remaining cow meat gravy. Add some beer for moisture. Cook for 2 minutes...or for 1 TV commercial period between hockey game. Consume 1 Beer. (Do not go to washroom) Cut Carrots length wise and place on plate with potatoes. Place mushrooms, peppers, onions and sauce on filet. Consume 1 Beer (Do not go to washroom) Place optifast, strawberries, banana and ice in a blender. Mix and pour into glass. Consume 1 Beer (Do not go to washroom) Now take filet with side dishes and throw in garberateur. Drink Optifast and curse any family that may have contributed to metabolic syndrome heredity traits. Drink last Beer (try not to get any tears in the beer) Use washroom now... laptop optional. CanadianMacDaddy... wanting to be 1/2 the man I am today !
CanMacDaddy

CanMacDaddy

2
 

I've been gloved !!! Traumatic Tuesday!!

Phat Journal Entry (March 20th, 07) ;   Starting Weight: 325 lbs (March 10th, 07) Highest Weight : 340 lbs Curent Weight : 303 lbs Banding Date : MARCH 27TH, 2007.... 8 DAYS AWAY!!!   I have lost 22 bls in 11 days of being on Optifast and excercising 30 - 60 mins/d. Today I got my pre-op medical completed in Alberta and sent to clinic for surgery next week -- everything was ok except I am still phat/fat. My family doc was pumped about my surgery and was disappointed I couldn't have gotten it done in a more timely fashion in Alberta on the public health care system (3-5 year wait). He echoed it was well worth the $16k if it led to a healthier BMI. ( I tried to get his clinic to sponsor my banding but he didn't bite..sort of like a walk-a-thon deal but instead asked for $2/lb I will lose over a one year period or I said I would put his clinic name on my stomach like a boxer and have procedure televised on internet--you know this space for rent) Anyway I got an added bonus while at the clinic ... apparently when you are a male and at age 40 it is a good time to start having prostate exams...:eek: he exclaimed this as he put on his gloves... I debated with him that: 1) I was barely 39 , 2) Is there really a "GOOD" time for a prostate exam, 3) could I get a nurse or another doctor with much smaller hands to perform exam and 4) I was pretty sure my orfice was a "one-way road only" ...I lost out on all four. Anyway he said things felt ok... I debated again !!! I left clinic went home had a long hot shower, cried a little, held my teddy and watched a chick flick... I betcha the Bass-Terd never even calls me back. Anyway another positive item has been I have been able to cut back on my Diabetes insulin and pills by half since I have been on the Optifast... This is a $330/ mth savings I insurance did not cover it. That alone would mean a payback of less than 5 yrs for this surgery. Plus additional years on my life to worry about my daughters prom dates. Learnings from today -- although women may first look at a new male doctors hands to see if there is a wedding ring...us males should first look to see how big his fingers are and how many knuckles !! :doh: 7 Days till I hit the cutting board. Canadian MacDaddy -- looking forward to being 1/2 the man I used to be !!!
CanMacDaddy

CanMacDaddy

2
 

What do you say when ignorant people ask how you are losing the weight!

My you have lost weight... can I ask how much and how?   Anyway I had to go out to my first formal dinner on Sunday less than a week after getting banded. Stuffy work chit with not one but two "plastic barbie self-proclaimed socialites" that only allow their husbands to talk when permission is given. The kind that think their very chit will be served in a chocolate mousse for all at dessert... ok hopefully you get the picture.   Well it took only 15 mins into the dinner of 14 people before Plastic Barbie 1 says very loud to me but for all to hear...."wow it looks like you finally lost some weight"..(I HAVE LOST 30 LBS IN PAST MONTH.."how much and is it because you are ill". Well of course everyone went silent cuz they were waiting for my verbal retort. I was gonna say "Portion Control" but my meek wife (1 glass of wine gone already) spoke up and said "its cuz we found a great new position for sex and we haven't been out of the bedroom in 2 weeks!" BOOM....I was floored...then she said..."maybe you and your hubby should try something different as the same old missionary style once a month doesn't seem to be working for your bitchy attitude".     THE WITCH IS DEAD... I swear to god I heard cheers over the laughter as the BEOITCHHH left the room. My wife got more drinks bought for her that night and congratulations.   She is my hero....plus mother of my 3 chitlins!!   I quickly ran home and read brochure on when it was safe to resume the bedroom life... 6 days and 4 hours to go. Maybe my prom tux will fit by then... then again... we have 3 kids, work, etc....   Sorry for the rambling but my wifes answer beat my Portion Control answer hands down or another part up.   Good luck to all . CanadianMacDaddy
CanMacDaddy

CanMacDaddy

2
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