What are you afraid of?

Fear

Procrastination is the fear of success. People procrastinate because they are afraid of the success that they know will result if they move ahead now. Because success is heavy, carries a responsibility with it, it is much easier to procrastinate and live on the 'someday I'll' philosophy.” Denis Waitley I've often asked myself "What is it you're afraid of?" This is a scary question, because once asked, there is an implied responsibility to change something in our lives. Identifying what scares us can be difficult. One tool my counselor gave me was that after every response, I was to ask myself "Why" until I got to the point I had identified the root cause. In business we called this "drilling down" and it can truly be gut wrenching and painful. An example of a root cause analysis might go like this: *Why can't I lose weight? I eat more calories than I expend. Why? I'm always hungry. Why? I don't even think about how I feel. Why? I feel uncomfortable and want to eat when I think about how I feel. Why? I don't know how to change. Why? I haven't learned how to change the way I eat. Why? I'm afraid I will fail. Root cause: fear of learning how to eat properly and take personal responsibility for success or failure. This "personal responsibilty" issue is a big one. Many of us have been victims of abuse, neglect, crimes, etc. When we continue to live in the "victim suit", we give our abuser our power. We do this because we haven't faced the reality that someone we trusted and loved hurt us. Facing that reality can be more painful than living as a victim, or so we think. When we face the facts and hold our abuser responsible, there is a big shift in power and responsibility. We take ownership of our actions, feelings and well being and we give the guilt and responsibility for the abuse back where it belongs, with the person who hurt us. Sitting in a chair and telling a therapist that your mother didn't protect you from a predatory male in your family can be one of the most painful truths to acknowledge. The person who was responsible for nurturing, protecting, putting you ahead of herself, did not. I know, I've done it, it hurt like hell. Once we acknowledge our truth, whatever it is, we take back the power to change our lives. We first work on the thoughts, the negative self-talk. Practice telling yourself that you are worth it, you are powerful, you will change one thing at a time. Maybe, this week, you give up one carb loaded treat you think you enjoy (I say think, because often we don't really enjoy them...it's a habit, not a pleasure). Next is the action step: Just do it! Throw it away if you have it in the house, then buy something healthy to eat as a substitute. Maybe you're the type of person who does it cold turkey...rid the house of ALL processed foods and beverages. Think of the power you take in doing this! Imagine yourself eating healthy nutritious foods and taking control of your own life. Action steps are the key in this process. WE CANNOT CHANGE ANYTHING WITHOUT A VERB. I think I can turns into I will when we add the action step. My band journey, though not as long-lived as I would have liked, has been this type of process. I WANTED to lose weight, but I took no ACTION that would result in me losing weight. When I went on Medicare Disability, the opportunity to make this change became available and I jumped on it. I started calling different hospitals and WLS clinics to see if they accepted Medicare...that was a tough one. Finally, a really kind person at the University Hospital directed me to another local hospital who she knew took medicare for lapband or RNY. When I called to make an appointment, they got me in within a week. I took action. I took the power. I took personal responsibilty for my success. I wouldn't say my weight loss journey was easy...it's had it challenges. My band was the perfect tool for me, keeping me free of hunger for 4-6 hours after a very small meal. Even empty, I'm rarely hungry. Losing my band and not being able to revise is extremely scary...I need to ask myself WHY. Here we go again....

Baba Wawa

April 11, 2013

What are you afraid to hear?

I copied and pasted, below, some of my early posts from the first few months after band surgery. I was so enthusiastic and on board with my new lifestyle. I was fully committed to learning everything I needed to know in order to succeed. I did not want to hear anything from anyone who was saying their band didn't work out. There were people who posted that they followed band rules and lost their band due to slips, erosion or esophageal dilation. I countered that very few complications are band caused. I suggested that perhaps they over ate, ate too fast...you get the picture. I was wrong to do that. It's true that early in our band journey we NEED to hear positive reinforcement that we made the "right" decision. That's why you won't see me post negative information on a post from someone who is doing well, newly banded or had decided to band and isn't asking for help deciding. If I posted in a way that seemed insensitive or overtly negative anywhere but on the complications forum, I apologize. I try to avoid that, but I'm human. I believed, as many of you do, that if I did all the right things, I'd keep my band for the rest of my life. I cannot convey the disappointment and even grief I'm feeling over the impending loss of my band. I'm also feeling a lot of anxiety about post removal. That might be bleeding thru in my posts. I'm in constant discomfort, unable to eat much of anything and generally not feeling very well at the moment. My point in this post is to encourage everyone who has WLS to listen, sympathize and file away posts about band complications. As I've stated in more than one post, the information might help you save your band one day. I don't want to scare anyone. I just want to share my experience within a community that might benefit from it one day. Don't be afraid to read my message. It can't hurt you. This was 2 months post op: Tonight I am going to a play with friends...I subscribe and we go out about every two months Nov-July. Yesterday I figured I should try on some of my smaller (size 24) clothes to see what I should wear. NONE OF THEM FIT! THEY ARE ALL TOO BIG! I am between a 20-22 so all the 24-26 and 3x are going to the donation pile or to my ebay collection. I went to the Talbot's outlet and bought two pairs of 22 WP shorts, very nice for $27 including tax. I now have one pair of jeans, a pair of capris and two shorts that I can wear. We always go to Maui in October and was trying on my dresses that I take with me and got into some of my Blue Ginger dresses I haven't been able to wear for a long time...some of the others are way too big.... Any way enough rambling on! Happy day for me! My first fill: I got my first fill today and it went very well...no pain and so far so good with water. I lost 5 lb in almost 5 weeks and due to travel plans in September and October opted to go ahead and get it now. My surgeon's office does them under flouro and it took about 10 min to do...port was flat on the abdominal wall and very easy to access. It did feel weird as she was numbing me up, but other than that couldn't feel it. I am hoping to up my loss to about 1.75 lb per week or 7-8 lbs per month with this fill... whew...glad to have that under my belt! A post on accountability: This morning it occurred to me that I have not lost any weight since the 30th of August. My first impulse was to post something on the forum regarding a stall, frustrated, etc, but then I got to thinking about it HONESTLY. I have not logged my food since the middle of July! I looked back and I remember thinking that this is so easy, I don't have to log every bite! WRONG! I lost consistently (even without a fill) 1-1.5 lbs per week while logging. Since I stopped logging I have lost a total of 6 lbs in 6 weeks, but nothing for the last two weeks. I don't think I am eating as much as I am burning, but how do I know??? This could be the 20% stall, but without documentation of my intake, I cannot really tell. My highest weight was 290 about 2 years ago. 20% of 290 is 58 and I am down 51 lbs from that weight so it is close enough to be called that, but most likely it is what I am eating, rather than how much. I have been eating more carbs... There have been numerous social events, so I have been drinking a bit of wine... And I have had some dessert... here and there... So now I recommit to journalling my food intake so I can assess why I am stalled and what to do to change it WITH SOME CERTAINTY.... I have lost an inch or so since the stall started, so it isn't really a stall, but a great opportunity to refocus my efforts towards meeting my goal of 1.5 lbs per week on average. I do have restriction and I need to do a better job of utilizing it to my advantage. Me, defending the band: Many folks who are anti-band will use a study that was published in 2003 and followed lap-band patients from 1997-2002...that would be like car and driver only reviewing cars made from 1920-1970 and holding them to today's standards of road-worthiness... The bands in use today are much more "user-friendly" and the surgeons who "install" them know a lot more about the causes of complications like those cited in the early study and MOST complications are caused by overstuffing the pouch and eating around the band (grazing, sliders etc) as well as over zealous docs who overfill bands. Go to the WLS failure forum, complications forum or regrets forum and read about the issues the people who have chosen many different surgeries experience, then you can be satisfied with your decision, whatever it may be. I also question why certain individuals feel the need to hang out here and tout their surgery. If they were as knowledgeable as they claim, they would be publishing a book on their surgery, pointing out the benefits vs the risks, and it would speak for itself. Here is an example of a study on VSG and it's failure rate...I found this doing a quick search and now it is out there and will be quoted by the VSG haters to support their position.... The exact failure rate of sleeve gastrectomy is unknown. Using the Spanish National Registry for bariatric surgery, Sanchez-Santos et al[7] reviewed 540 patients who had undergone SG either as a primary or staged procedure over a six-year period. The authors reported excellent overall outcomes; however, 15 percent of the subjects were considered failures based on weight recidivism in the first three years, with 3.3 percent of patients submitting to a second bariatric procedure. Younger age, lower body mass index (BMI), and thinner bougie size were attributed to improved sustainable outcomes. Similarly, Himpens, in an article by Deitel et al,[8] presented his early five-year results after sleeve gastrectomy at the First International Consensus Summit for Sleeve Gastrectomy in 2007. In 46 such patients, he reported a disappointing 37 and 23 percent inadequate weight loss and second procedure rates, respectively. More recent unpublished presentations by Himpens indicate failure rates as high as 30 percent in five years.[9] Studying the Austrian experience with SG as a stand-alone operation, Felberbauer et al[10] reported a seven-percent failure rate at three years based on a cutoff of 25 percent excess weight loss (EWL). Applying the traditional 50-percent EWL criteria, the failure rate increased to 25 percent.[10] Me supporting a struggling poster: Good for you Tanya....that is why the forums are here, to share and hopefully keep us from getting too complacent and not utilizing our chosen tool. The side note that I have been meaning to post since the day after I wrote this is that though I haven't lost pounds, I have lost a full size, so it isn't about just the weight. Perhaps it is time for a fill or a talk with your nutritionist to help you to get back on track... Congratulations on your recommittal and I will look for you to post your success!!

Baba Wawa

April 17, 2013

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