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Let's get our Shine On!

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Life after the band

Well, it's been nearly 2 months since surgery and I must say the healing process was pretty easy for me. I was really sick the first few days after surgery but a week out I felt really good. I had no appetite until one week after surgey. I was surprised at how much I could actually eat without any issues. Between surgery and my fill I only had one episode with a breakfast buritto. After my first fill (1.5) I had decent restriction for about 2 weeks. In total I have lost 16 pounds, which is less than I hoped for but still moving in the right direction. I have been back at the gym for about 3 weeks and that is making a significant difference. I got my 2nd fill yesterday (2.5 of the floro) and they said I didn't have much left from the orginal fill. That certainly explains the lack of restriction. So, I decided to do the Floro b/c the doc said that it stays much longer. I still think the restriction could be better but I am going to give it a few days. I did notice that in the am I was barely able to get my smoothie down. I guess the trick is to figure out the bagic fill amount which is different for everyone.   Well, my goal is still to get to 167. Once I get there we want to think about baby number 2. I am promising myself now that I will NOT gain so much next time around. After baby two my goal will be to get back to 167, and then maybe a TT.   I will say that for the first time in my life I feel like I have a little control over this monster. It's amazing to feel full after a small meal, and I just know this is going to work. Plus, with my dedication to excercize I can't sabotage the work I do at the gym.   I still struggle a little bit on wether or not this was the right thing to do. I have been such a proud advocate of the fat girl my whole life I wonder if I am letting myself down somewhere but then I think maybe this is the lesson I am learning, maybe understanding that it's ok to seek help is the moral of the story. After all when people have drinking or drug obsessions they seek help, counseling, detox, rehab. Fat people are just considered lazy and people think we should just get it together. It's insane. Since I have lost the weight before the right way I can say I have had both experiences. This way I am starting to realize helps balance my efforts and for that I am greatful. I am sure there is more I will learn on the way. At the end of the day I still feel like there is a purpose to me doing this and that eventually there is something I am supposed to share. Time will tell.
ShineOn

ShineOn

1
 

Banding Eve

Tomorrow is the big day and I do have a case of the last minute jitters. My only fear is dying in surgery. If I do I hope Baye sues the heck out of the Dr & posts to the world the dandgers of the surgery. However, the reality is this is an ultra safe surgery and they have reassured me many times over I have nothing to worry about. I will just be so relieved when I wake up after surgery and I am alive! :clap2: God just get me through surgery and I will happily do the rest of the work.   I must admit I have had thoughts on not doing this but all related to my fear of the surgery. However, I've paid and completed my pre-op stuff makes me feel obligated. Plus the peer support on this site helps me feel reassured. Of course I guess dead people don't post after surgery do they? Ha! Ok I am getting crazy now. I am going to spend the rest of the evening getting into the right frame of mind.   I know I am doing the right thing. This will be the tool I need to get me back a healthy energetic life I so desire. I can get back to being the king of wife and mom I want to be for my family.   I know the hardest part will be dropping my little girl off at daycare in the morning. If I can make it through that I think I will be ok.   Ok, I will post again after surgery. Then the real work can begin and actually that is the part I am most looking forward to.   C
ShineOn

ShineOn

1
 

3 days to go

Surgery day is almost here and my nerves are in check. I have stopped obsessing about dying during surgery and I am concentrating on the journey to come. I stopped eating sugar for about a week and it is amazing how much that helps clear up my moodiness. I also just feel better when I don't have too much sugar in my system.   Well, my dad was in town this weekend and so I indulged in a last meal. We took him for hibachi and then followed up with frozen custard. It was sooo yummy. However, I must say that I am looking forward to being full with a small amount of food.   My core issue is that I am a binge eater and the band is going to be a tool in avoiding that bad behaviour. I have been so successful in the past with excersise that I know if my eating is in check I have unlimited potential to get exactly where I want to be.   So, since I am 3 days from surgery I thought this would be the time to put my goal in writing. Here are my goals:   1. Get to 167 pounds (6lbs less than my lowest) by next April 2. Be a healthy, happy, energetic mom & wife 3. Have a healthy 2nd pregnancy 4. Get a TT or LBL once I am back to goal (167) after baby #2   Ok, so that is it! I lost 120 w/o a band so I know with the band I can make it happen! I am really excited to start moving my old clothes to the front of the closet.   Well, I am off to get some rest. Goodnight.
ShineOn

ShineOn

1
 

Date moved Up

Well, I had to move my date up two days b/c the doc is not working on good Friday. I am kind of excited to be going early but just as anxious. I really need to settle down with my eating its completely out of control. I had a 12 inch sub for lunch and 3 bags of M&Ms, that is just way overboard. The worst part is I am full when I am eating, I am totally just eating out of nerves its nuts. It's so scary to see my ticker say 16 days until surgery. I am continuing to struggle with the pre-op diet and have actually gained like 6 pounds since my consultation.   Well, my best friend is visiting this week and then my dad is here the week after so I will have lots of distractions between now and the big day. I suppose that is a very good thing. I am really working hard to focus on my life after the big day. I think it will be a lot easier to get working once the surgery is over and the fear is gone. I will just be so relieved when I wake up and its all over, and I am alive! Then the second I see baby girl I will remember what it is all for. Then the work begins & I will be unstoppable until I reach my goal. 167 or bust!! :clap2:
ShineOn

ShineOn

1
 

Getting closer to surgery day

Well as the surgery approaches I have moments of being scared, insecure, and I still wonder if I am doing the right thing. On the other side I feel as though I have to do this & it is my last hope. I barely fit in my work clothes I feel like a slob at work and I feel generally unhealthy. On the weekends I am in hiding. I stay at home all the time & just hang out in my sweatpants, and my favorite pastime is napping. My life has become so sad. I feel withdrawn from the world. Those are all the reasons I am moving forward with the band. It makes me feel that there is hope again. I have always enjoyed excercizing and I am anxious to get that old life back. I feel like the band will prevent me from sabotoging myself and that is the help I need to truly be successful. Well, thankfully I have guests in town the next two weeks so I will not have much time to think about the surgery. It will be here before I know it. I will just be so relieved after the surgery part is over so I can start getting my life back. I am not afraid to do the work that will be required, in fact I am excited. I am really motivated to get to 167, which is 6 lbs less than I have ever been as an adult. The first milestone will be fitting into my size 18 suits, than my size 16 suits, then the real fun will begin! That is the part that gets me motivated. :biggrin1: Plus, most of all, I want to be the active young mother that my baby girl deserves. That will be the best reward.
ShineOn

ShineOn

1
 

Eating out of control!

Ok, since I have scheduled my surgery date my eating has been insane. I am so freaked out about losing my security blanket (food) that it's making me eat everything in site. I am talking ice cream, cup cakes, brownies, etc. etc. It's nuts. I have gained 6 pounds since my consultation. Husband even said that me bringing home all the bad food is having a negative impact on him. So, I am making the decision right now to eat healthy between now and surgery. I am going to allow myself some freebee meals when we have friends and family here at the end of the month. But besides that I am commited to turning this around!!
ShineOn

ShineOn

1
 

The decision is made

Well, today I scheduled the surgery date (April 4th, 2007) and I am scared and excited all at the same time. I have some big factors that got me to this decision; I want to be the best mom and wife I can be, I want my life back, I want to be active, and I want to be the kind of mom that is engaged in my daughter's life. I feel like I have been in hiding and on the sidelines for way too long. I know having the band as a tool to prevent my binge eating will help me succeed. I love to excercize and be active and I am so looking forward to getting my life back. I have two things that I am worried about 1) dying in surgey. I know this is a crazy fear based on the statistics but nonetheless its my fear. I am trying to concentrate on my eveloution after the surgery rather than the dreaded day. 2) My husband is struggling with my decision to move forward partly because he thinks I am putting myself in a situation that could be harmful (surgery) and partly because I am a self pay at 12K is a lot to endure on a family budget. But, he is a wonderful man and I trust he will come around to support me by the time they are rolling me into surgery. At the end of the day I just know this is a new chapter in my life and I am looking forward to journaling my story. Most of all I have this picture of me and my daughter a year from now running and playing at the park together. I am wearing some capri jeans and a tank top with my hair in a big floppy pony tail. She is in a similar outfit with the same hairstyle. We run, we roll in the grass, and we play. Mother and daughter just laughing on a sunny day. I guess that is what this whole thing is about in the end; getting my life focused on the important things and not food.
ShineOn

ShineOn

1
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