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MY STORY

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To Fill or Not to Fill

I am so nervous. My first fill appointment is Monday. Have to be there at 745, so that means a REALLY early morning and long drive for me. I have been debating for a few weeks now (with myself) over getting a fill or just staying with what I have. I THINK I have made the decision to at least get a small fill done.   I am not really hungry. I am staying full for the most part. I do have occasions when I just want to eat and eat. But I am thinking that it is head hunger and not real hunger.   I have been kinda stalled on my weight loss though. (My opinion). My surgery was April 18 and since surgery (on my doctor scale at home) I have dropped 26 pounds. Although the last 2 weeks I have only lost about 4 pounds.   I am truly trying. The only thing that is really holding me back is the horror(LOL) stories on here about getting a fill and not being able to keep anything down...not even water, and then having to go back for an unfill. Well, I am 5 hours away from my Lapband doctor...and fear getting all the way home and having to turn around and drive back..sick... That to me is so scary.   I have not had any problems with being stuck. I have had some pain when I have not chewed very well or taken too big of a bite...but no PB'ing or truly stuck episodes. The pain only last a minute or so, then goes away. I am scared of that feeling too.   So...I dont know if I am going to put my big girl panties on or not...haha. The hubby says not to stress about and just go with what the doctor advises. So easy for him to say...to the woman that worries about EVERYTHING!!!!   Ill let yall know how Monday goes!!
krg75

krg75

7
 

Calories, Calories, Calories

So I have to admit, I'm not a fan of calories. Rather, counting calories. I am just no good at it. I cook everything myself, and have NEVER EVER found out how many calories are in what. I eat small amounts, I am not eating crap. And obviously I am not counting calories.   Today for supper I made an awesome deer chili. I ate one cup of it. Was so good thought I'd go back for seconds. There I was in the kitchen, spoon in hand, and I thought...What the heck are you doing?? So I put my bowl in the sink and I was done. But how many calories did I eat? I havnt a clue. 3 lbs. of deer meat, tomatoes, tomato sauce, and 2 cans of beans. Made a HUGE pan. But how many calories in just one cup? No idea.   See the thing is I dont even remember the nutrition lady telling me how many calories to eat in one day. Yes, I am pathetic....and lazy...about the calories anyway. Every one is talking about 800-1000 cal a day. I think thats what I am doing...but have no idea. I even tried the my fitness pal thing. NO internet service where I live unless I am at home with WIFI. So that does me no good when I'm not at home.   I really do eat good. Still just having a protein shake for breakfast...which I know has 160 calories. Having a cup of food for lunch (no calorie counting). Then the same for dinner. Maybe yougurt for a snack. Cannot stand the greek stuff so Yoplait light (90 cal). And usually I eat cottage cheese (80 cal?? per 1/2 cup) with one of my meals for more protein. So I know the store bought calorie content, just not what I cook calorie content. I'm not good at that. HMMMM..add all the ingrediants up, measure the whole pan of food, then divide to get one cup....UGHHHHH!!!   So here is what my goal is. This weekend going to Sam's going to get some fish that I can just prepare for myself (individual servings). Then surely I can measure 1/3 cup of veggies or some side dish and finally start counting what I am eating.   I know with my 11 year old son, the 22 year old nephew, and the hubby at home, this kind of supper wont do for them, I will continue to cook all the things they like, but for me, I have to change. Gotta do it. Because I am worth it.
krg75

krg75

5
 

CUPCAKES and FRAPPES!!!!!

So let me tell you about my job. I am a dispatcher for a water hauling company in the Texas oilfield. I work with 95% men. One person here knows that I got the Lapband. ONLY ONE!! I took a week's vacation and had the surgery.   I am/was always the girl that baked cakes for the guy's birthdays. Made them crockpot stew on the weekends, brought chicken pot pie, you name it I have baked or made it for my drivers. In return that has made me "the favorite dispatcher"...lol. Some mornings I have had McDonalds brought to me for breakfast (sausage gravy and biscuits..they all know is my favorite) or a breakfast burrito from the local Mexican Bakery. When they have an extra ding-dong or butterfinger left over, I get it brought in to me. One driver brings me hot chocolate by the handful so I can add it too my coffee in the winter time. I get asked at least once a week, what I am cooking tomorrow or "how bout some of that banana pudding??"   It has never bothered me...thats just who I am. I have ALWAYS cooked for the people in my life. Big dinners, small dinners, nothing is off limits. I remember in high school inviting 10-15 people over for fried chicken dinners. Or waking up at a friends house and cooking a huge breakfast for all of her brothers and their friends after a night of partying. If you wanted food...call Kelly!!   Yesterday, I realized that this may become a problem. One of the night drivers brought me a FRAPPE from McDonalds. YUMMY!! OH how I love them. I stared at it for awhile, He was like "so did I get you the right one??" So, I took a few (yes I promise just a few) sips until he left to go get his truck. Then I ran to the sink to pour it out!!! VICTORY for me!!   Today, another driver comes in with a CUPCAKE. Says "here honey I saved this just for you". This was just a few minutes ago, by the way... So here I am sitting at my desk, with a flipping CUPCAKE staring at me. And you know what??? I dont even have the slightest urge to taste it!!! NOT EVEN A LITTLE TASTE!! Oh yes, it looks good. It's in a package, so I dont know how it smells..lol. But never mind that, the important thing is I DONT CARE!!!   ANOTHER VICTORY FOR ME!! So I'm thinking my drivers will be getting less...German Chocolate Cake for their birthdays. And my trash can will be getting alot more food from this gal!!!
krg75

krg75

4
 

This is me.

Where do I start.....I want to be...no I AM going to be a great success story.   My story...I was banded March 18, 2013. Starting weight...gasp...326...weight right now...291....YES!!! 35 flipping pounds. Havent lost that much on a diet since FEN-Phen..in 1995. And I am still going. My family is very supportive. The husband couldnt be happier. I am making this work. ME!!!   I think this is the best thing I have ever done! I cannot lie and say part of me didnt take my relationship into account. I did not do this solely for myself. I did it also for a healthier, happier, sexier, and deeper relationship. But, in the end, it was ME that did it, I did it for ME to be happier. And oh baby am I ever...ALREADY!! Its only been 2 months into this process, I cannot fathom a year from now.   So, I have a long-term goal. I want to be 190 pounds. More will be fine...even though the other half doesnt want me "too skinny"...whatever that is...lol. I just want under 200. Not seen that number since high school. I would say I want to be a size 12...but Im not sure what poundage goes with sizes...so I just go with pounds.   I have set a mini-goal for my self. My youngest step-daughter graduates high school June 7. I want to loose a total of 50 pounds by then...which means I only have 15 left to go...in 2 months. Which is sooo totally do-able. I will have to increase that weight loss shortly!!! HAHA!!   So this is me. The beginning of my story. Watch and see where I go....
krg75

krg75

3
 

Pants, smants

Well today is a lovely day. My jeans...the ones I have been wearing for a few years...at least the size of jeans anyway (they never last that long because my thighs rub holes in them!!!)...have been getting really loose on me. I have one pair I can wear for about an hour before they just fall off. Which is really fantastic.   So this morning I reach into my closet and pull out this pair from Maurice's that my mom bought me awhile back. And I took a DEEP breath. Then slowly, one foot then leg at a time, I pulled them on. They went up my legs(and didnt get stuck BEFORE my hips), then they went OVER my hips, then glory be...THEY BUTTONED!!!! I couldnt believe it. AND not only did they button, they were not tight ANYWHERE!!! I could grab excess fabric in my butt area and my thighs!!!   These jeans were a pair I couldnt even get over my hips a few months ago. A full size smaller than the ones I had been wearing. And Maurices at that!! I think they run small!! (ok my experience, but that is what I am sticking to telling myself).   What a great NSV!!!!! (because I needed it...no weight loss this week), but I will take the full size smaller, and I WILL ROCK IT!!!!
krg75

krg75

3
 

So Many Victories

HI all, it has been forever since I have been on this site. Got lots of reasons/and or excuses, but I am back regardless.   First of all I have had my 2nd fill since I checked in last. I now have 4 cc's in my band. For the most part I am doing terrific with it. I am down to 272 pounds. That is a 54 pound weight loss since mid January. I am so happy, so very, very, very happy!! I have lost 42 pounds since my surgery March 18th. In losing all that weight I have gain oh so very much. I have super confidence, I have more energy, and I have such a different outlook on life. I was in a size 26...sometimes a 28 jean. Now, I am PROUDLY ROCKING a size 20!!! Flipping size 20!!!! OMG!!!! The difference is amazing. Both to me and my family and friends.   I went shopping this last weekend and bought something I never thought I ever would. See, I have been with the same man for 17 years...well..17 in July. We are not married, have thought about it, just never have done it. Well, he PROPOSED to me a month ago. I AM GETTING MARRIED!!! YES ITS EXCITING!! HAHA. So, I went and tried on wedding dresses, just to see if I could even bear the thought of wearing one...I love dresses, just not on me, they do nothing to hide fat!!! lol. So there I was trying on wedding dresses and I was so surprised to be LOVING IT!! I was going to get one with sleeves, because as with all of us, my arms are a big issue. But I fell in love with this strapless-halter type dress. AND I BOUGHT IT!!!. I figured that it doesnt matter about those arms, see, I fell in love with ME again. I felt beautiful in all of those dresses. That was something I had never expected. NEVER. I cannot wait to ROCK that wedding dress come September!!!   So yes my weight loss is fantastic, wonderful, exciting, and all of those other adjectives. But, what is even better, is that I have found me again. I have found the confident, out-going, smiling former image of myself. I still have a ways to go and I am not quiting until I am there. Everyday I have something to look forward to. Everyday I am happy when I wake up and feel so excited with my new life.   Well thats it. This is my life. Go me!!!
krg75

krg75

3
 

Inches Victory!

It has been 3 weeks and 1 day since my surgery. I measured myself the night before. Boobs, waist, hips, arms, legs all. I cried. It was really so depressing. I knew how much I weighed, but when the tape measure BARELY goes around your midsection, that is a real downer.   I weigh myself at my personal doctors office on Thursdays. I could get on the scale at home, I just dont want to be a slave to it, so I dont even start. As of last Thursday, I was down 35. (I know You all know it already haha).   So today, my mom comes over, tells me how proud she is of me. She is one of my biggest fans and I love her so much. Well, She asks me if I have measured, well no Mom of course not, remember when I cried the last time?? So she thinks I need to and is excited to see so I give in. HOLY MOLY!! I have lost 2 inches EVERYWHERE!!! I dont know how that translates to poundage, but 2 flipping INCHES!! I just smiled!!   NO MORE TEARS FOR THIS GIRL!!!
krg75

krg75

2
 

Crossing my legs

So, I learned a wonderful thing a day or two ago. I was sitting in the living room on the couch with my husband. I looked down and my legs were crossed. WOW. I did not have one of my fingers hooked through the leg of my pants to keep my ankle on my knee. I actually had my legs crossed. I was so very happy!!! I can really tell the weight is coming off...even if the scale is slower than molasses!!!   And the scale...let me tell you about that. In two weeks I have only lost 3 pounds. UGH...so disappointing..then i cross my legs by theirself...with no help form my arms!!! I have been off this site for a week or so...I was just kinda bummed. The scale wasnt moving. Even though I am feeling better and my clothes fit. I even went through my closet and threw out 3 TRASH BAGS of clothes that didnt fit any more!!! The damn scale just had me down.   Another thing that is REALLY bothering me is my arms...they are so gross. I know my arms were big..you dont get to weigh over 300 pounds by having small arms. But since I started loosing that weight, my "bye-bye" have really been waving BYE-BYE to those pounds. (haha little joke..but no joke here...sad face) I really am disgusted with myself. I hope the rest of my body does not join suit!! UGH....everytime I get ready for work and have to raise my arm to do my hair or makeup...there they are...just flopping around... I going to do the only thing I know to do (wish I could just take a knife and cut them off!!! lol)...looks like I'm going to be joining that gym and lifting some free weights!!!   My ego had been saved lately by the other half. He has made me feel so beautiful and worth this journey. We have definitly been through our ups and downs. I have felt totally blah and ugly and fat. But he is really trying. And the best part is that he sees how hard I am trying and makes me feel good about it. Defintly a good time in our relationship.   So...a week of downs..and ups...and I get depressed anyway. All because of a scale...and some flabby arms. But I am going to do this. Never did I turn to food to overeat and feed my emotions. I just muddled through and survived without food!!! Which I am thinking now, is a milestone in itself. So GO ME!!   I go for my first fill April 29th. Ready to see the doctor and actually weigh on the scale that started this. I am still thinking either no fill or a small fill. I am really doing so good with the food...kinda torn on that still. Will just see what the doctor has to say.   Well, thats my week. Thanks for listening to my rambling!!!
krg75

krg75

2
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