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I feel gross.

So for the first time since my pre-op diet I CHEATED and I feel TERRIBLE. Like. physically, I feel sick. So not worth it!   I have been really stressed out with school and for me that's a major eating trigger. I had bought a rotisserie chicken to use for dinner tonight thinking I would save myself some cooking time. I hadn't had one since I was a kid and forgot how greasy they are. I had a bit, and my sides, nothing major. Then later in the middle of writing a paper, I started thinking about how I didn't feel full. I didn't feel HUNGRY, but I wasn't feeling stuffed to the gills like I used to all the time. So even though I had just drank a glass of water, I ate a bunch of this nasty greasy chicken and was washing it down with chocolate soy milk. Literally, doing everything I shouldn't all at once. Now I just feel sick to my stomach, super guilty, and ashamed. I know its one of those things that everyone does at some point, but I didn't have to do it. I made a choice to do it. I did it anyway, know full well of the consequences. Such a dumb thing to do.   The more I get into this process the more I realize I think I truly have an eating addiction. It sounds so over dramatic, but I don't know how else to describe it. Has anyone else struggled with this?
WhatsAWally

WhatsAWally

2
 

week 5 (a few days late)

I'm a couple days late, so I'm down a few more pounds than I would have been, but I'm ok with that! As of today, I'm at 273. That's 42 pounds down, and down ten since my last weigh in! Feeling awesome! This is only 3 pounds away from my first goal weight, and 33 pounds away from my second goal weight (240, my pre-college weight).   A lot of the credit goes to getting my first fill. Going back on liquids will definitely do that for ya haha. On the day of surgery, I was given 2 ccs of saline, and my doctor added another two on Tuesday, bringing me to a total of 4 ccs. I haven't experienced any vomiting or feeling 'stuck'. I do have to take MUCH smaller sips. I had gotten to a point where I could drink like normal right before the fill, and now I have to be really careful to not swallow to much at once (even water). I can start adding chewable foods back in today but I'm scared! I had cottage cheese yesterday and it went alright, but other than that I stuck to protein shakes. In a few more days I can actually start eating 'real' food again, like vegetable and such. I miss salad! But at the same time, I feel a lot more in control with such a restricted diet. Its hard to cheat when you know eating the wrong thing can make you really sick!
WhatsAWally

WhatsAWally

2
 

Week 4

Weigh in for week 4 is: 280.6 (34.4 lbs pounds lost, down 3 pounds since week 3)   I'm so close to being under 280 that I can taste it! 270 flat is my first weight loss goal and I'm more excited than ever to make it happen. I started exercising this week and the results have been awesome for my mood. I genuinely enjoy working out, and with finals coming up I could definitely use the extra endorphins. The only downside is that I'm going to be traveling a lot coming up, and moving to a new city in June so it doesn't make sense to pay for a gym membership right now that I won't be here to use. I have a treadmill at home though and since I'm focusing strictly on cardio this first month, I should be good. Do any of you have person trainers? I'm thinking about getting one when I move. How often do you meet with them? Is it possible to hire them just to make a gym routine for you? Very curious!   I'm starting to notice a change in my appetite... Its coming back with a vengeance! My first fill is on April 16th and it couldn't come sooner. What fills me up is still way, way less than I would eat before but certainly more than I have been eating. (A meal I'm eating a lot is one tomato basil garden burger with a slice of ultra thin provolone and salt/sugar free tomato sauce, the white of a boiled egg, and maybe half an avacado if I'm reealllly hungry.)   In other news, I'm starting to notice my face thin out! I don't know if I'm really noticing a major difference in my body yet. My clothes aren't getting bigger, but they are fitting better. Sort of scary to think about what they looked like when I was wearing them before haha.
WhatsAWally

WhatsAWally

0
 

Week 3 weigh in

Today I did my week three weigh in and I'm down to 283.4! I was so excited to see those numbers! Its the end of the semester so I've been swamped with all my big school projects and haven't been able to squeeze in workout time, so I genuinely didn't think I'd come down more than a pound or two. This brings my total weight loss to 32 lbs! SO AWESOME! My first goal weight is 270- that's what I weighed two summers ago, and more or less is the last consistent weight I was before I started gaining rapidly.240 will be after that- that's what I weighed all through high school. I'm so exited because I just feel like for the first time that these are TOTALLY attainable goals.   This week I get my tax refund back and the first thing I'm doing is renewing my gym membership. I actually love working out, and once I'm in a groove, I'll do a couple hours in the gym no problem, but lord know that first three weeks blowwwwws. Its so weird to be able to remember being roughly this size last year and working out 7 days a week and it being easy breezy, but right now I don't think i could do more than an hour and be dying afterwards. Conditioning is a b***h.   I've been adding in more 'real food' and it seems to be going pretty well.. Just trouble with portioning still because of the weird link in my head between 'this is the amount you need to eat to feel full' and 'eat this cup and be done'. I'll get there haha.   Its only two weeks until my first fill!! I'm so, so ready to kick this thing into high gear! Any advice for the first one? Will I be able to go to work afterwards or should I plan on being sick to my stomach? I'm not really sure what to expect!
WhatsAWally

WhatsAWally

2
 

2 weeks post op

I weighed in for week two and I'm at 288. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little let down since its only a pound, but I'm also not surprised. I've been having a hard time adjusting to eating on a schedule and eating consistently. It seems like my metabolism has completely shut down, which makes sense. The other thing is that I haven't been active at all. Between school through the week and work all weekend I've been giving myself an awful lot of excuses to not work out. I have a treadmill so at the very least I can be doing that. Hopefully I can settle into some sort of routine.   No pain or discomfort at all this week. I have noticed I keep feeling my port. I don't know if its just a nervous habit to run my hand over it or the sheer fascination of being able to feel this strange object in my body but I do it a lot haha. My appetite is back, but still in a strange way. I'm having a really hard time trying to tell if I'm hungry or if I have the urge to eat. The urge to eat (and overeat) is in my head. Other than knowing its 'time' to eat, or knowing that i need to eat something I'm not sure if I'm feeling hunger. But when I do eat, I want to eat a lot. I've been trying to limit myself and have been doing a decent job but I definitely need to drinking my shakes more. I've ventured into new territory with my soft foods, I've been making chicken salad and chicken with bbq sauce. Does anyone else feel like by the time they add all the stuff to make it 'soft' they've added a ton of calories? I've been using miracle whip instead of mayo (which kills me lol), and substituting Greek yogurt in anything I can get away with (because it still tastes like sour cream), but still- it adds up. Any tips? I haven't really pursued vegetables except for potatoes (again-super starchy! help!), but thats on the to-do list for this week.   In other fun news, I just booked my first real vacation ever! I'm going to North Carolina in May when school lets out to visit my best friend. I'm so excited because I feel like that's enough time to make a big difference. Since she doesn't see me everyday, it'll also be interesting to see her reaction. Plus ya know, beach ocean swimsuit blah blah blah. Should be quite an adventure!
WhatsAWally

WhatsAWally

3
 

First Post-op Dr's Visit

Who has two thumbs and is cleared to start adding in soft foods? THIS LADY!   I had my first appointment post op yesterday, pretty standard and quick. Had my incisions checked out and the steri-strips removed. I couldn't believe how much the little ones had already healed up. The big one over my port is a little rougher looking but healing a-ok as well. We talked about how I'd been feeling (10000% better!) and about other stuff (I'm living out my worst nightmare, having to regularly discus bathroom things with other people). Then I met with the dietitian and we talked about what I've been eating. Up to this point, I'd been doing a protein shake and a half- trying to work up to 2, and a can of soup split in half and eaten at morning and then night, and boatloads of water. Then she just casually slides in, "You might start adding in soft foods since you've been doing so well." UMMM WHAT MISS LADY, ESCOOOZE ME?! It was like someone told me they were buying me a new car, I was so excited lol. I've been on liquids for almost four weeks now and seriously was at the end of my rope.   Last night, I tried things out at dinner (so my band would be at is loosest). I made tuna salad with Greek yogurt and a little mayo and hit it with the emulsion blender a few times so it would be thinner. I also tried cottage cheese a little later. OH GOOD LORD. Eating is a whole different thing! It felt almost silly to chew 15 times on something that was barely solid, but I know it has to be done. I had a hard time waiting forever between bites and not drinking while eating. I ate about a cup and a half of food total, more than I intended to do, but its weird looking at such a small amount of food and feeling satisfied. Full (satiated) is a feeling that I'm so unfamiliar with that I don't entirely know that I could recognize it. I actually just stopped eating because I didn't want to chance it. Nothing got stuck, no tummy trouble last night. This morning was a different story. Its like my stomach didn't know how to feel. After an hour or so though I felt a lot better, so I'm guessing part of it was just morning tightness.   Yesterday was my first day back at work, where I'm on my feet all day. I have class today and long shifts all weekend so here's hoping I make it through haha. How are you guys doing?
WhatsAWally

WhatsAWally

1
 

Don't talk about it, be about it.

Its my first post! Good lord, it takes some legit effort to navigate this site haha!   I am officially a week out from my surgery, and real talk, I have been down for the count. I had the laproscopic procedure, outpatient surgery, allergan band. For all the hoopla about this being minimally invasive, I've been hurtin'! I don't know if I've been hurting this badly because I didn't move around as much as I should have or if I really have the world weakest pain tolerance. Either way, its been rough. I struggled a lot with pain from gas in my stomach through day four. I'm good with my liquids consumption now but I've definitely had to work up to it. I really just hope the next week flies by because I am SO OVER liquids right now haha! I've been having to cheat and add a cup of chocolate soy milk to my protein shakes because they're starting to taste so gross. My starting weight was 315 at my very first appt, I was at 300.8 the day of surgery, and floating between 290-289 today(7 days post op). I'm resisting temptation and only weighing myself every Tuesday. On top of that, I'm doing a body shot every 4 weeks. Good gawwwd, the pre-op ones I took (In what I'm now loving referring to as my 'goal-kini') was a blow to the self confidence lol. I swear by spanx and can dress my shape really well... seeing it all hang out like that was not an image I wanted to see. But hey, gotta see where you came from to know where you're going.   If you read this, drop me a line or comment! I'm trying to meet some people on here since I don't have a support group nearby.
WhatsAWally

WhatsAWally

5
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