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ups and downs

It's been about three weeks since my fill. i have to wait another week for an appointment, because he was all booked up, which is frustrating. But i'm back to feeling like the band's not even there. I know it's a process/journey, but i just want to get to that green zone now!!! i want to see real consistent progress.   my weight loss has been inconsistent. The week of my first fill i went down 3 lbs in the first three days, but then i gained 6 lbs that wasnt water weight because i had to work it off lb by lb. that was very frustrating and confusing because i didnt know what caused it. i was eating so much less than before i should have had a loss for the week for sure! when that stuff happens i get very down despite my best efforts, which inturn leads to food thoughts. which is tough.   Four days ago i weighed and i was back down to what i was after the 3 lb loss after my fill (took practically three weeks to lose those 6 lbs that magically appeared... and today i weighed and have lost 2.5 from that low which i was kind of surprised to see in a good way obviously. but now i at home i have lost 30 lbs!! (at the dr its less but they say to go by my home scale) so i guess the lesson i'm trying to get into my head that may not really be accurate is that there will be ups and downs. ups that are undeserved (or maybe deserved) and then downs which are undeserved or deserved, but hopefully things will even out for a positive outcome and weightloss.   i think i am expecting too fast of weight loss. because my overall weightloss for these three weeks hasnt been bad (not great but not bad) ive lost 5.5 in three weeks which evens out to almost 2 a week which i know is healthy. but i expect more.   should i be expecting more or is this normal for everyone???
Duitsy15

Duitsy15

3
 

Meh.

Just sort of checking in.. I havn't lost any weight since i lost a bunch from the flu. i need a fill super badly but i cant get one because i cant miss anymore classes cuz finals are so close..i dont want to sound whiney, but I don't want to wait two and a half more weeks to see any progress!! I could use a little push if anyone could give me one.   My bday is next thursday, so i'm excited for that. I'm getting an awesome Proform hybrid trainer! its a mix between a recumbent bike and an elliptical! i'm so excited to start riding my bike and eventually using the elliptical once i get stronger! I really need to get my fibromyalgia pain under control first though.. which is really frustrating, i just want to be able to push my self and not worry about hurting myself. i really want to be able to exercise so i can lose more weight! I've been walking quite a bit but that's causing fibro flare ups to. so things could use some adjusting. And if anyone reading this has fibro also, let me know, because I have some questions about your experience since the band.   Also I decided that it would be a good idea for a therapeutic project for me and a great expressive piece for my portfolio to do a series of self portraits over the course of my journey. I'll probably do it at around 50 lb increments. I'm hoping it will look good at the end of all of this.
Duitsy15

Duitsy15

2
 

Loving my band

I had my first fill on monday. It went great. It was a really weird sensation, but didnt hurt at all like some people said it would, so thats good. From monday to this morning i have already lost 3.5!! i'm so ecstatic to not be hungry all the freaking time!! I did throw up the first time last night tho. That wasnt as bad as people said either. I think i just ate too fast and then drank water. I'm excited to learn about what having a band is like and what and how i can eat now. I feel like the journey has finally begun and i'm excited for the first time in a long time!
Duitsy15

Duitsy15

2
 

Flu

I'm starting to get over my flu. I was in the E.R. on easter and april 1st to get fluids and pain meds. They actually gave me morphine which was fun.. ha. I learned first hand how horrible it feels to really throw up w/ the band... Terrible!!! luckily my band didnt slip which i was surprised cuz i was throwing up every 10-20 mins... other things were happening other than the puking. i wont go into that but it was terrible. I was so dehydrated after only a few hours that they couldnt get the IV in, it took 5 people to finally get it. that wasnt fun. And now i've missed three days of classes which is huge... not good. Also before i got this terrible thing i was having a fibromyalgia flare up which im sure is making me feel worse. i was finally able to eat a little yesterday so thats good. I weighed my self yesterday and in three days i lost 12.5 lbs. i know thats not healthy but it's still exciting, because before i was sick i was really struggling i was not losing for a good month. So that's why i was so excited with a loss like that. I thought maybe the weight would come back on as i got better and was eating, but i lost another lb today. And that lb makes it a total of 40lbs!!! That's pretty big for me. And i think i need to celebrate it more than i am, because it is a big accomplishment, i havnt been able to tell that much of a difference in my clothes yet, but i'm hoping that's coming soon.
Duitsy15

Duitsy15

2
 

Fill today

I have my first fill today. I have no idea what it's going to feel like and how its going to effect me... hoping for the best... i feel like this is really where my journey begins.. feeling anxious yet hopeful. eeek!
Duitsy15

Duitsy15

1
 

Feeling more hopeful today

My surgery was the 7th of jan, so i'm three weeks out.   Last thursday i had gotten under 350 (349) and then after thursday i had gained four pounds that i had to widdle back down. It didnt seem to be coming off like it should so i was/still am frustrated. then i get up the courage to way again today and i was 348.8! so i'm down at a low again i just hope this one lasts and i dont have to go back into the 350's again. i want to be done with that number forever! anyway just writing this to remind myself that your weight fluctuates and if u dont get too discouraged and if you stay on track it will come down again. i'm doing ok so far since my surgery. could be more hardcore, but compared to what i was doing before this is hardcore.. if that makes any sense. i'm just worried about how hard its going to get to maintain (thats what im hopiing for) or lose until my first fill. which is Feb 18th, it's my valentines day present to myself Btw how much is the usual first fill? i know the size of the band and stuff is different for some people. but i'm just curious.. also how long do u have to wait before getting another fill if you need it?
Duitsy15

Duitsy15

2
 

Bad Night. feeling down doesnt begin to cover it..

so i was hanging with friends yesterday and we dont see each other very often. once a month maybe. anyway they decided they wanted to drink. n i wasnt gunna. but they convinced me to have a sip. no big deal. it made my stomach kind of crampy so i didnt continue (wasnt planning on it anyway but yeah) i did have some "scale-less victories" yesterday though. we were at subway. i didnt eat anything there. but we have friends that work there and they sort of burnt some cookies like 2 dozen and she brought the tray over and asked hey free cookies u want some? i didnt take any! and i love those cookies. my one friend took about six my other two. so that was good. but then we went back to my friends house to drink (them not me) and we decided we were gunna see what all the fuss was about on that chatroulette site. it was a horrible demeaning experience..   so we maybe talked to idk 15-10 people and three of them asked if i was my other friends' mother... im 21 for christ sake... one person as soon as they could see us started pointing and yelling "fat lady fat lady fat lady!!" over and over. another person said they didnt want to talk to us because i was a heifer... another person once they could see us said "WHOA" we asked what.. they said man she's fat.   my friends just dont get it.. they just ignored these people and what they were saying to me..didnt even try to stick up for me.. they know its all true and so do i.. i would have just left but i never get to see them.. so it ruined my night and i was depressed all night. being the "buzz kill" that i am. it certainly didnt help i have been having a tough time w my depression and stuff this week.. not sure why but it feels like im off all of them.. not good.. they just dont get it and they literally are avoiding talking about the ELEPHANT in the room.. they tell me what do u care what random people think of you.. well cuz its confirming how i feel others look at me everyday especially at classes.. i have a hard time making friends and i feel thats half the reason.. i have no confidence and am so insecure that when people hit my like that it really really hurts... this is the only place where people might understand.. i dont expect people to say im beautiful, but my god..     another reason im posting this is so maybe when im successful with my band that i can look back at this and not forget how horrible things are/were. also i have now decided if i ever date people again my test is going to be what they think of obese people.. if they have bad feedback. theyre out of here.   people suck. thats all i can say..
Duitsy15

Duitsy15

15
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