Try something else. I am tired of my scale plateau, so on Missy's recommendation I am going to try carb cycling for a week or so to try and break it. So Missy if it doesn't work, I am holding you personally responsible
Because that is where I am spending my day. My daughter's middle school is having a Narnia celebration and I have volunteered to be a photographer. I think I will hide some jerky in my camera bag, I hope Aslan doesn't mind.
My daughter and I ready for a day in Narnia.
At least for a little while. Went out to breakfast with a friend, ordered off of the menu with no substitutions (scrambled eggs with veggies and feta), enjoyed a nice conversation, took small bites, ate slowly, sipped my coffee a couple of times and when I was no longer hungry piled my plates up and pushed them away. I ate about 2/3 of my eggs, 1/4 of my potatoes and half a slice of dry toast. AND I WAS FINE WITH THAT!
Now, that wasn't say that the head hunger voices weren't screaming in the background about wasting food, about how good it tasted, about taking just one more bite. They weren't as loud as they usually are, I just checked and made sure that I wasn't hungry (Satiated), and dismissed them.
There is hope...
It has been a bad day, a really bad day as I deal with a family member that has severe emotional/psychological problems. As I drove away from their home my mind kept ticking through the things that would dull some of the pain I was feeling, and everyone of them revolved around food. Hell, I have a bottle of good Irish Whiskey downstairs in my office, and while I will probably pour myself a stiff drink after the kids are down for the evening, it isn't nearly as attractive in my mind as taking the family out for BBQ and eating until I am so full that it hurts. Is it any wonder diets don't work for us, when food has become a drug that we use to dull the pain that comes with living?
Well, the good news is, as my mind ticked through my options I knew that those that dealt with food really weren't an option. After getting stuck last night, I am not willing to piss off Mistress Band two days in a row, and to tell the truth since being banded, I know that using food as a drug will only make me feel worse and I will still have the family matter to deal with with the guilt of having indulged in emotional eating added to it.
So, here I sit with my glass of crystal light lemonade, writing a blog entry for those who have helped me on this forum. Thanks for listening.
I have had my morning shake at 6:30, and no I'm not hungry, but I would really like to eat right now. Why? A bit of boredom, a bit of panic when I realize that I won't eat again until 11:30 (3 hours), missing pleasure that comes from the act of eating.
Of all the things in my life, I think that overcoming the baggage that food has will be the hardest. Not impossible by any means, but hard.
I still don't understand my body and why it does the things it does. I have slowly been building up my daily calories as I work through the mushie stage, my goal is 1300 a day. Well for some reason yesterday I just had the urge to graze, and the only way I kept my net calories at 1300 was to exercise. I wanted to eat all day long. Now today, I am having a hard time getting down 900 calories, I simply have not been hungry all day long. Add 550 calories of exercise on top and MFP is going to yell at me
Same foods, no emotional upsets, but my body is behaving totally different. It will be interesting to step on the scale tomorrow morning and see what other surprises my body has in store for me. This is one of the reason that while I am a firm believer in the burn more calories than you consume weight loss formula, I also believe that this is a "big picture" paradigm and only really works over the long term.
In a landscape of shades of brown and muted greens, this little gem stood out like a beacon. I sat and watched it the bees gathering pollen, but it wasn't until I zoomed in that I saw the others...
I'm not sure why and I'm not sure how, but early on in my life I learned to lie to myself about many things, but most importantly about what I ate. It is one of the things that I am having to unlearn in order for my band to work for me.
Today, even though I ate less than anyone at the table, I over ate and I'm not ashamed, I'm not guilty. I made a choice, and went past my soft stop. Yes I was uncomfortable. No, I didn't PB or vomit. No I didn't stretch my pouch or cause my band to slip.
But the important part, I am not going to lie to myself about what I did. I am going to log the calories (as best I can), I am going to eat lightly tonight (protein shake) and I am going to go back to my normal eating pattern because if I eat like I did today on a regular basis I won't lose any more weight.
Spent a week here http://www.nps.gov/meve/index.htm. Truly an amazing place and one that I would recommend to anyone visiting this part of our nation. I gave up logging after the first day, tried to make good choices and stay active, but found this little Mexican restaurant and the food was amazing, including something new to me that the owner called "Mexican Coleslaw", I am going to have to work on re-creating his version of it. Got on the scale for the first time in a week and the verdict is, up 5 pounds. Not a big deal, since I know I didn't eat 21K extra calories, I know that the weight is water and will soon go away now that I am back on my regular eating schedule.
A couple of NSV's:
1. Despite the altitude (7-8K), I never ran out of breath on our hikes.
2. One tour through a cliff dwelling required that we crawl out a tunnel with an 18" opening and I doubt that I would have fit 6 months ago.
I had my second fill today, the nurse added 1.5 to my 10 cc band bringing my total up to 2.5. Same little ache in the band area after fill, which quickly fades. So, liquids today, mushies tomorrow and solids on Sunday.
I have been adding some processed foods back in to try and combat the cravings. Taquitos the other night, and pizza last night. Some things lose their allure when I choose to eat them (taquitos), some things are still trigger foods (pizza), none of them satisfy and curb my hunger like non-processed nourishment. Well, I guess I will just have to sacrifice and eat more ribeyes.
Cleaning our closets out finally got to me, so I went in to do mine, and it is only about a quarter full now. Got a nice NSV in the process as well. 2005 I hit the lowest weight of my adult life when I went from 324 to 249.8, I stayed there for a couple of weeks and then started gaining again. During the that time I bought a couple of nice sports shirts that I really loved, but haven't been able to wear since, and I ran across them while I was cleaning. On a lark I tried them on and they fit.
Now looking forward to the sale at Kohl's in a couple of days with a 20% off coupon in my hot little hand.
My initial loss with my band was amazing (and a little scary), but the joy of seeing pounds dropping off on a daily basis was truly fantastic. As I was looking at my weight this morning, I noticed that I had only lost 5 pounds during the month of April and was tempted toward the negative by comparing my loss with what I did when I was first banded.
Then I started to think about my bike ride on Sunday, 28 miles, 23 miles two days before, Both at speeds that it took me 5 months of work up to last year to be able to sustain for 15 miles.
I thought about my spin class and the progress I have made during it, where I had to stop and rest halfway through when I first started.
I thought about the fact that it is time to go shopping for clothes again because my pants are starting to bunch at the waist when I tighten my belt enough to hold them up.
I thought about the fact that I am down to one belt because I haven't punched holes in the other two.
I thought about the fact that the fat percentage on my scale hit a new low number this morning.
I thought about all the weight that I lost on WW, and how 5 pounds in a month would have been a cause for celebration.
Yup, the low hanging fruit of my band journey is all gone, but that's ok I burn more calories when I have to climb the branches to reach the higher fruit.
Father God, please help me to remain thankful for all that you have given me instead of focusing on what I don't have...
I attended support group last night, and then read CG's post this morning on want power has me thinking...
There is want, and then there is WANT. The problem is that we want it all, and society had told us, that we not only CAN have it, we DESERVE it. Ever seen a fad diet advertised "East want you want, and still loose weight"? The band for all it's power, doesn't replace our wants, at the most it mutes some of them.
I have had a rough couple of days, I hit a new low weight and immediately my head hunger took over and I tried to eat everything in sight. Well, I don't have to worry about that new low weight now. No, I didn't really gain, just excess fluid from jumping my sodium intake. But the point is there is a part of me that glories in my success wants to continue, and there is a part of me that is terrified of it and wants to go back to the old lifestyle.
Right now, I want to succeed, but the fear is that the greater the success the more terrible will be the tragedy of my eventual failure. Yes, I know this is not a productive thought process, but as we all know the band only works on your stomach, not your head.
Plateau finally broke, and I have dropped 5 pounds since my fill on Friday. Last couple of days have been really interesting as I believe I am in the green zone with 4.3 cc in a 10cc band. Well today is different and my body has been hungry most of the day. But I ate my normal dinner, and had my evening treat (Skinny Cow), but I was still hungry. So I pulled a couple of chicken thighs out of the fridge, warmed them up and I am munching on those.
The sweet treats are nice, but the protein is what keeps the hunger away for me.
Spent 4 days in Hawaii on a work assignment, and maintained my weight. The office was about a mile away, so I didn't get a car and walked to work each day. While my food choices could have been healthier, I listened to my band and life was good.
After 2 bites, I decided it just wasn't going to work. I started dinner prep way too hungry, testing this, tasting that, drinking something else. By the time the steak came off of the grill I had already eaten my cup, and Mistress Band told me there wasn't a steak on the planet worth what she would put me through if I ate any more.
Sigh...6 months is not enough time to undo 50 years of bad eating habits.
I was banded on 1/7/13 and one of the things that my instructions talked about was that during the "Healing Phase" of my eating, many patients stop losing or actually gain weight. With this in mind I have been very careful to log all my food and count calories Even thought my NUT said that calorie counting wasn't necessary, she told me to shoot for between 1300 - 1500. So, this morning I was able to go back to one of my pre-band rituals of Saturday morning breakfast with a friend, but I was scared because I was flying solo, no scale, no measuring cups, just me and "Mistress Band".
So, the result? I ordered two eggs and hash browns, I pre-cut all my food to the proper size, and tried to focus on the conversation and my eating. Pretty soon I hit a soft stop (hiccup) and then each bite I started asking myself why I was taking that bite. When the answer because "Because it tastes so good" I put my fork down and moved the plate out of reach.
At that point, I was satisfied, not full, but satisfied and it looking at my plate, I realized that I had eaten about the same as I would have if I had pre-measured it. Maybe one day, I will be able to move rely totally on listening to my body and my band, but until then, I will log and count.
15 years ago today, I proposed to my best friend and she said yes. 2 dozen roses just got delivered, now I need to think something really special for next month and the marriage anniversary.
