Spent 4 days in Hawaii on a work assignment, and maintained my weight. The office was about a mile away, so I didn't get a car and walked to work each day. While my food choices could have been healthier, I listened to my band and life was good.
The company that I work for provides insurance through one of the top 5 insurance companies in the nation, our employee count is under a thousand and we are provided with an online registration portal. So far registration has been pushed back twice for web site issues, and when it finally come online today, it crashed after a couple of hours.Maybe the Obamacare website isn't so bad after all.
I am not mocking or belittling the concerns and issues that some are facing as the ACA takes effect, but I want people to understand that there are two sides to the story. Healthcare has long been broken in our country, and while the ACA is by no means perfect, it is a start. Let's move forward and make it even better.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/09/us/amid-the-uproar-over-the-health-law-voices-of-quiet-optimism-and-relief.html?pagewanted=2&ref=politics&pagewanted=all&_r=0
I have had my morning shake at 6:30, and no I'm not hungry, but I would really like to eat right now. Why? A bit of boredom, a bit of panic when I realize that I won't eat again until 11:30 (3 hours), missing pleasure that comes from the act of eating.
Of all the things in my life, I think that overcoming the baggage that food has will be the hardest. Not impossible by any means, but hard.
My body has a rule, when ever I have a cheat day, my body uses that as the new minimum for food intake.
Had a couple of slices of pizza last night, starving this morning even though I have eaten my normal breakfast
Made Sourdough Waffles for the family this morning, they were so light and smelled so good that I knew with enough butter and syrup they would be a slider food for sure. two small bites later and NOPE. Fed the sewage system and will have a shake before Church.
I just got back from vacation at Yellowstone and like many banders I was tighter while at the higher altitude, and discovered that I felt better. So since I had a LB fill appointment this morning, I had them tweak my band with a .25 cc fill. But back to liquids for today and soft for tomorrow.
Very little riding this week, but in my travels I ran across a Perl Izumi Outlet store (High end biking clothes) and look what I found on the clearance racks. Now, I like bright but this was a bit much even for me. Two things convinced me: 1. 200.00 off list price. 2. Wolf whistles from my wife and and the fact that I had to promise I wouldn't just wear it for biking. :wub:
After 2 bites, I decided it just wasn't going to work. I started dinner prep way too hungry, testing this, tasting that, drinking something else. By the time the steak came off of the grill I had already eaten my cup, and Mistress Band told me there wasn't a steak on the planet worth what she would put me through if I ate any more.
Sigh...6 months is not enough time to undo 50 years of bad eating habits.
15 years ago today, I proposed to my best friend and she said yes. 2 dozen roses just got delivered, now I need to think something really special for next month and the marriage anniversary.
Spent a week here http://www.nps.gov/meve/index.htm. Truly an amazing place and one that I would recommend to anyone visiting this part of our nation. I gave up logging after the first day, tried to make good choices and stay active, but found this little Mexican restaurant and the food was amazing, including something new to me that the owner called "Mexican Coleslaw", I am going to have to work on re-creating his version of it. Got on the scale for the first time in a week and the verdict is, up 5 pounds. Not a big deal, since I know I didn't eat 21K extra calories, I know that the weight is water and will soon go away now that I am back on my regular eating schedule.
A couple of NSV's:
1. Despite the altitude (7-8K), I never ran out of breath on our hikes.
2. One tour through a cliff dwelling required that we crawl out a tunnel with an 18" opening and I doubt that I would have fit 6 months ago.
In a landscape of shades of brown and muted greens, this little gem stood out like a beacon. I sat and watched it the bees gathering pollen, but it wasn't until I zoomed in that I saw the others...
Try something else. I am tired of my scale plateau, so on Missy's recommendation I am going to try carb cycling for a week or so to try and break it. So Missy if it doesn't work, I am holding you personally responsible
I went to my LB support group last and the subject was Plateaus and and one of the comments is that sometimes a plateau will turn into an avalanche of weight gain. Now there is absolutely no logic in the world to the thought process that say "I'm not loosing, so I will gain weight instead", yet, I totally, totally have done that, as have many of the others on this forum.
It is similar to the logic that we use that says, "I failed at one meal, so I might as well blow the whole day and eat like a pig". That is like saying, I made a mistake in my checkbook and I am 10.00 overdrawn, so I am might as well go out and buy a new TV!
I walked away from the support group with reminded that much of what we are doing in our journey revolves around our mind, rather than around our stomach....Now if only there was a band for our brain
BTW, I met a nice lady there who recognized me from the forums, but forgot to ask her user name.
It has been a bad day, a really bad day as I deal with a family member that has severe emotional/psychological problems. As I drove away from their home my mind kept ticking through the things that would dull some of the pain I was feeling, and everyone of them revolved around food. Hell, I have a bottle of good Irish Whiskey downstairs in my office, and while I will probably pour myself a stiff drink after the kids are down for the evening, it isn't nearly as attractive in my mind as taking the family out for BBQ and eating until I am so full that it hurts. Is it any wonder diets don't work for us, when food has become a drug that we use to dull the pain that comes with living?
Well, the good news is, as my mind ticked through my options I knew that those that dealt with food really weren't an option. After getting stuck last night, I am not willing to piss off Mistress Band two days in a row, and to tell the truth since being banded, I know that using food as a drug will only make me feel worse and I will still have the family matter to deal with with the guilt of having indulged in emotional eating added to it.
So, here I sit with my glass of crystal light lemonade, writing a blog entry for those who have helped me on this forum. Thanks for listening.
Put re-heated steak on the list of this that Mistress Band will punish me if I try and eat. Worst stuck episode yet, but it is cleared and instead of steak, I had a protein shake for dinner.
I'm not sure why and I'm not sure how, but early on in my life I learned to lie to myself about many things, but most importantly about what I ate. It is one of the things that I am having to unlearn in order for my band to work for me.
Today, even though I ate less than anyone at the table, I over ate and I'm not ashamed, I'm not guilty. I made a choice, and went past my soft stop. Yes I was uncomfortable. No, I didn't PB or vomit. No I didn't stretch my pouch or cause my band to slip.
But the important part, I am not going to lie to myself about what I did. I am going to log the calories (as best I can), I am going to eat lightly tonight (protein shake) and I am going to go back to my normal eating pattern because if I eat like I did today on a regular basis I won't lose any more weight.
Went for a fill appointment this morning, talked over my hunger levels and loss history over he last month and the nurse suggested a .2 tweak, bringing me up to 4.9. So, liquids today, and mushies tomorrow. And I don't have to go back for a month.
My initial loss with my band was amazing (and a little scary), but the joy of seeing pounds dropping off on a daily basis was truly fantastic. As I was looking at my weight this morning, I noticed that I had only lost 5 pounds during the month of April and was tempted toward the negative by comparing my loss with what I did when I was first banded.
Then I started to think about my bike ride on Sunday, 28 miles, 23 miles two days before, Both at speeds that it took me 5 months of work up to last year to be able to sustain for 15 miles.
I thought about my spin class and the progress I have made during it, where I had to stop and rest halfway through when I first started.
I thought about the fact that it is time to go shopping for clothes again because my pants are starting to bunch at the waist when I tighten my belt enough to hold them up.
I thought about the fact that I am down to one belt because I haven't punched holes in the other two.
I thought about the fact that the fat percentage on my scale hit a new low number this morning.
I thought about all the weight that I lost on WW, and how 5 pounds in a month would have been a cause for celebration.
Yup, the low hanging fruit of my band journey is all gone, but that's ok I burn more calories when I have to climb the branches to reach the higher fruit.
Father God, please help me to remain thankful for all that you have given me instead of focusing on what I don't have...
For now anyhow, had my second appointment were we decided that I didn't need a fill. Steady weight loss (Of course not as fast as I would like), 3-4 hours of satiety (Depending on if I stay away from simple carbs and focus on protein). Can pretty much eat anything, but have to be careful and have had a few stuck episodes in the last month when I wasn't.
It is kind of a bittersweet place to be, the green zone is this magical fairy land that is held out to us from the time we are banded, and yet here I am. I still wrestle with eating too fast, I still am plagued by head hunger, I still have to exercise, I still have weight to lose, I still get plateaued.
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU MEAN I STILL HAVE TO WORK AT MY WEIGHT LOSS, I THOUGHT THE BAND WAS MAGIC!!! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!
I attended support group last night, and then read CG's post this morning on want power has me thinking...
There is want, and then there is WANT. The problem is that we want it all, and society had told us, that we not only CAN have it, we DESERVE it. Ever seen a fad diet advertised "East want you want, and still loose weight"? The band for all it's power, doesn't replace our wants, at the most it mutes some of them.
I have had a rough couple of days, I hit a new low weight and immediately my head hunger took over and I tried to eat everything in sight. Well, I don't have to worry about that new low weight now. No, I didn't really gain, just excess fluid from jumping my sodium intake. But the point is there is a part of me that glories in my success wants to continue, and there is a part of me that is terrified of it and wants to go back to the old lifestyle.
Right now, I want to succeed, but the fear is that the greater the success the more terrible will be the tragedy of my eventual failure. Yes, I know this is not a productive thought process, but as we all know the band only works on your stomach, not your head.
Because that is where I am spending my day. My daughter's middle school is having a Narnia celebration and I have volunteered to be a photographer. I think I will hide some jerky in my camera bag, I hope Aslan doesn't mind.
My daughter and I ready for a day in Narnia.
I hate baggy clothes, and wearing my size 40 jeans made me feel sloppy. I am currently wearing 38"comfortably, but I decided to try on 36" when I went shopping. Here are the results:
Now this is uncharted territory, but I am more than happy to keep on exploring. Going where Terry has never gone before. Band, warp 9!
At least for a little while. Went out to breakfast with a friend, ordered off of the menu with no substitutions (scrambled eggs with veggies and feta), enjoyed a nice conversation, took small bites, ate slowly, sipped my coffee a couple of times and when I was no longer hungry piled my plates up and pushed them away. I ate about 2/3 of my eggs, 1/4 of my potatoes and half a slice of dry toast. AND I WAS FINE WITH THAT!
Now, that wasn't say that the head hunger voices weren't screaming in the background about wasting food, about how good it tasted, about taking just one more bite. They weren't as loud as they usually are, I just checked and made sure that I wasn't hungry (Satiated), and dismissed them.
There is hope...
eating on Vacation that is.
Away from my home, my scale and my kitchen for a week visiting family in Northern California. An Easter brunch that my sister-in-law served that centered around a ham, chicken and lasagna, side dished, appetizers and deserts from Hell. But the real villain were the chips and candy at my Sister's house. The good news is that I am only up .75 of a pound for the week, and after I flush all the excess sodium out of my system, my weight will probably be a wash. I just kept B-52 and others on the forum in mind who weren't counting calories, and tried to listen to my band, watched my bite sizes and speed. I had one stuck incident that caught me totally by surprise, but other than that eating was no problem.
Glad to be back home though, although I would like the rain to stop so I can get on my bike, Catfish is getting ahead of me, and that just won't do!
