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Unlocking my new life

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Trying To Keep Focused!

So much time and energy is spent on getting to and through surgery, but I wonder how many of us really align expectations with what the reality actually is.   There are so many terms that I had read before, and all of a sudden I understand so well. You really don't know them until you live through it (no matter how many blogs/forums one reads).   I feel blessed and extremely successful up to this point, 35 lbs so far (20 as a result of the preop diet) with just being 4 weeks post op. But wow, I am always hungry, sooo hungry. I had such high expectations for my first fill (last week) but the feeling lasted 30 minutes, and now I know that I can pretty much eat anything and amounts similar to before surgery. Now that I have started to begin my work outs, plus being single in NYC (where all social activities revolve around a meal/brunch) its proving extremely difficult.   I've stuck to my guns, and eat like I have restriction, preparing my meals during the week, but how long can I actually keep it up? I'm so afraid of getting myself overly frustrated.   Its even to the point that the other night I actually dreamed that I cheated this with a can of Coke and a bag of Peanut M&Ms... the guilt was killing me, and when I got up I was so happy that it was only a dream, jajaja   2nd fill on Oct. 31. Hope that one helps a bit more.   Thanks everyone! for reading this!! Have a great day.
cherrygre

cherrygre

3
 

Oh anxiety...

Hi everyone,   Wanted to get people's thoughts or see if they have gone through any similar expiriences, because I am a bit baffled from what is going on inside my head.   My journey is going great, found my green zone and have learned (through better or worse) how to eat slowly and properly. Sometimes it seems that I am eating way to little, but my body is reacting amazingly well and I've personally never felt better.   I got surgery Sept. 2012, a bit over 4 months out and my weight loss is 65 lbs. That's amazing right? well thats my issue. Even though I am so happy that my body has dropped all this weight and I'm looking better than ever (haven't been this small since high school), I feel my brain hasn't quite caught up to the new me.   I get so much more attention from people (especially men) and I am no longer looked at as a "fat" person. I guess the quick transformation hasn't quite processed inside of me because in many ways I see myself the same. Every day the mirror surprises me, I am amazed.   Daily things like figuring out what to wear cause me anxiety especially because I don't want to purchase too much until I reach my goal.   I am so grateful but not gonna lie a bit anxious....
cherrygre

cherrygre

3
 

New year, my new life definitely underway

I started this journey last year and one of the greatest motivators was " I want to be living a different life when I turn 30".   Well here I am a week into my 30s :-) and that is exactly what I have done. I've attached a picture. I am now 80 lbs down (7 months post op today). Wearing a size 12 and I've had to change everything in my wardrobe even my shoes!   I hope I can reach 100 lbs by my one year as I know that the last will be the hardest to loose and want to let my body adjust to this massive change; but I am up for the challenge!!   I went through my fare share of complications and there are still some difficult days, but this is a journey and totally worth it, at least it has been for me. Nonetheless, I have worked really really hard and I have focused my attention and determination in finding success. Of course there are days where I could eat better or make better choices, but its keeping yourself consistent. We chose to change our lives, so this is not a temporary fix or something you can take back. When I find myself reverting to old food habits I check myself, because i refuse to throw away this wonderful life opportunity.   I also had an "aha" moment when all of I sudden I found myself 9am Sunday morning already dripping in sweat after running 5 miles. A few months ago there was no way I would have either been up that early or that my first waking thought would be "oh lets go for a run". Now I look forward to my workouts and even miss them when life/work interferes.   This change has inspired everyone in my life. I started a fitness challenge with my work collegues and our group has lost over 50 lbs in the past few weeks.   Keep it up everyone, its totally worth it!!!!
cherrygre

cherrygre

2
 

Let's Start At The Beginning

How truly excited am I to begin this new chapter of my life? There are no true words to describe it.   I find myself standing in a visible cross roads, tomorrow I cross to the right path. I decided for once that I was going to take a stand and truly take control of my life and health, and that no longer will I make or allow excuses for myself. I never remember myself being thin, since I was a small child I was nagged about my weight. When have I worn a single digit dress size? well that's easy, never. At 29, I decided enough is enough and decided to jump head first into this expirience. I am putting myself first for once.   So now I am writing my first blog entry on the eve of my surgery. I am so excited, yes there are nerves and questions on what to expect but what is the most amazing its the incredible level of hope.   Hope that I can do this, Hope that I will be able to live a rewarding and fulfilling life, Hope that it brings a bucketload of blessings and opportunities     Once my mind was made up, I went for it. The entire process for me from seminar to surgery has been 6 weeks. My job gave me amazing insurance that did not require a 6-month diet; a primary physician that did everything in his power to get me this help; friends and family that have demonstrated a sheer level of love and support that I did not think it was possible.   And here I am, 14 days into my pre-op liquid diet, hungry, cranky but sooooooo happy. The diet was the hardest thing I have done so far, I was so strict and on point. Imagine this I spent 10 of those days vacationing in Puerto Rico and I could not drink or eat anything I wanted while every one else indulged. I never cheated, not once because I knew how important this is for me. What was the result of the effort? I have lost an amazing 20 pounds and I can't even believe it.   Tomorrow I get banded and I will treasure the beginning of my new life.   Good luck to everyone on their journey and I hope that in whatever comes next just keep that initial hope. I know I will :-)
cherrygre

cherrygre

2
 

I Made It - Post Op Day 5

I made it through my first full anesthesia surgery and everything went well. the doctor performed a Single Incision placement of my band so I only really have one scar (currently healing very nicely) in my belly button.   For some reason I was more worried about the anesthesia than the actual surgery, and boy did it seem like one second. The surgery lasted around 1 1/2 hours and my first recollection happened in recovery staring up at my mom in pain. Geez, did I not expect the gas pain. I felt like an elephant was trying to sit in my upper chest and boy did that hurt so badly. In the next few hours, I ended up in a recliner because lying down was too painful. My incision decided to bleed a lot so I had to get it redressed, and the pain meds had me in another planet so I couldn't even walk very much even though they wanted me to walk as much as possible.   Luckily I was able to go home that night. But, what I did not expect was that I could not lie down flat, not even a little bit. The most i could muster was sitting in my couch with my feet raised. I stayed in that position for the most part for almost 3 days. The gas would move up and down between my chest and right shoulder and it was agony sometimes. When I was finally able to lie on my side I could have cried out in happiness.   Today is day 5 and I feel a lot better, so much so that I made it to work, but taking it very easy and not pushing any limits. I'm not sure if its because I'm still in recovery or because of the lack of food, but I do feel sort of weak and a bit out of it. I can't wait to start my mushy/puree phase.   I've lost 24 pounds since starting my pre-op liquid diet, have not had any nausea or issues with my liquids. They all go down very easily and took me two days to feel my first sense of hunger. Feeling the band is such an undescribable feeling, its tight first thing in the morning but once i've been up for an hour or so its ready to go. Now I am hungry but I want to heal right, so I have been making sure I have been hydrated and taking at least 2 protein shakes a day.   All i need now is to get rid of the last bit of gas pain and I can continue this journey!!!   Have a great day everyone!
cherrygre

cherrygre

1
 

Here's To A Complication

I'm 10 days post op, and up until Friday I was doing amazingly well.   Esophagram and post op visit was on Thursday (6 days post op) and was told everything looks great, scar and all. So I was upgraded to mushy foods early and was ecstatic.   I get home Friday and noticed that I had some dried blood in my navel. Then I pay more attention and blood, very slowly was coming out of a corner of my incision. The nurse on call told me that it can happen and so to apply pressure and keep it bandaged for it is bound to stop. Fast forward 24 hours, I get up from my couch and all of a sudden I feel dripping from the bandage.....it was gushing, i was soaking gauze like nobody's business and I personally went into complete freak out mode.   My poor boyfriend freaked out along with me and the on call nurse told me to go to hospital as its not typical to be gushing blood more than a week after the operation.   I hailed a cab and was in the hospital in less than 20 minutes.   The ER was packed but I at least got a bed within the curtains so I wasn't lying down in the middle of the hallway as most people. After a long time and various checks I was told that I had a hematoma and that the blood is old (it was dark colored all the time) and they pocked around my wound a few times (causing me some serious soreness and pain) and said let it drain. I was sent home 7 hours later, with a bandage and instructions to watch out for fresh red blood. That to put a stitch on the wound would be more hurtful than beneficial.   Sunday rolls around, still bleeding, not as much as my scary incident but pretty much non-stop.   This morning I finally got to see my surgeon and he was like, 'well we had to make a big deep cavity to place your port and its more than likely that the cavity filled with blood. It is better to just let it drain to avoid abscess or infection. As a precaution i'm going to send you with some antibiotics and it should be good as new in a few days'.   I'm still bleeding and even though I feel great in every other respect I am relieved, but had no clue that something like this could happen just because.   Has anyone else had something like this happen? How long did it take to finish bleeding/scar to heal?   Thanks!
cherrygre

cherrygre

0
 

Hair Loss

I haven't written in such a long time, it's been such a crazy few months. Work/life has been super hectic and more and more I've gotten used to my new life with the band.   Quick facts: Surgery was Sept. 14, 2012 (almost 4 months post op) and I've dropped 58 lbs. :-) I'm at 7.5ccs but I know theres room for more but I think I'm happy with the level of restriction I have at the moment.   I've been doing overall great, still making the right decisions and trying be as active as possible. I know I can be better with my water intake and I know that I can eat more protein (thank God for shakes) but I've come accross a side effect that I did not anticipate or even know off honestly, which is hairloss.   I realize that my body has changed dramatically since this started, and my body is trying to adjust, but wow its traumatizing. I've lost around 50% of my hair, so much that today Im going to cut it a lot shorter because I cant stand how sad and miserable it is at the moment. It's a relief to know that it will come back that this is just another step in the process, but have anyone of you expirienced this?   I've been losing hair for the last 2 months...they say that this massive shedding would not last more than 6 months...I'm so afraid of looking bald, when my hair was the only amazing trait I had before surgery.   Does biotin or supplements really work? or is this something to just wait out??   Thanks! Happy new year everyone
cherrygre

cherrygre

4
 

Countdown To 1St Fill

Hi everyone!   I survived my Hematoma complication. It meant 10 days of bleeding through my incision, but luckily it ended up being more of an annoyance than anything else. I'm back on track :-) and counting down to my first fill.   I've been on mushies for 7 days now, and even though the weight is still coming off, (down 29lbs total, 9lbs post op) aonce some real food was introduced it has been slower, as expected. I've been able to eat eggs and even a couple of bites of rice with no issue. Truthfully, nothing has created much of an issue for me so far.     In 10 days I get my first fill, can't wait honestly. I am getting hungrier each day. I'm eating my small portion of food for the day but the *fullness* is lasting max 2 hours if that. I no longer feel tight in the mornings either. My stomach grumbles all the time now and I find myself day dreaming about food. So holding on with sheer willpower!!
cherrygre

cherrygre

4
 

6 months post op

There are no words to describe how much my life has changed in 6 months. All I know that even with the pain and complications I would do this again in a hearbeat. My mind is finally catching up to my physical reality and I'm loving this.   I've dropped 72 lbs since starting this journey, I went from wearing size 18/20 jeans to now fitting in 12/14s. (which I haven't seen since high school...if then).   I constantly thought that I would be so happy if reached this point, and don't get me wrong I'm ecstatic. But I won't give up until I finally reach my goal, which is 50 lbs away....   In less than a month I turn 30. I realized that it is about celebrating a new milestone in my life and enjoying this new chapter in this new rocking body. I've let go about trying to reach a number on that scale by a specific time. This is for the rest of my life, so what's the hurry :-)   So let's see where 30 takes me :-)
cherrygre

cherrygre

4
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