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About this blog

just me

Entries in this blog

 

this process is horrible

I don't know how to talk to anybody on here.  most times I write anything it gets ignored.  Other than being an voyeur I don't think this site is very good.  My VSG was scheduled 9/8/2017, I got a call from the hospital telling me that my surgery hasn't been approved yet, haven't heard anything from my surgeons office telling me anything.  SO I called my insurance and was told my surgery was denied.  I'm devastated.  I know I can appeal, but they said it can take 30 to 60 days to do that and I shouldn't plan on surgery next week.  I'd told my co-workers, bought all my post-op food, scheduled the time off.  scheduled my Mom to come stay with me, started my pre-op diet and have been working for months for this.   I've had to openly admit and talk about the worst thing about myself for months now, thinking it's going to be worth it.  everything is going to be fine.  IT'S NOT OK AND I'M NOT OK.   
Tashah

Tashah

9
 

Tomorrow

I'm having surgery in the morning, I'm excited and freaked out.  
Tashah

Tashah

3
 

It's Been Almost A Month

I was banded on 8/7/2012, I had my first fill on Monday and I’m really not sure how I feel. I have more anxiety than before, I can't sleep well. Physically I’m alright, pain from the surgery is gone but emotionally I'm all over the place. I'm losing weight which is great, it's I guess the reality that one day I will be thin again and maybe that scares me a bit. My friends and family don't really understand why I would feel scared or uncomfortable in my body they all say that I’m ridiculous and give me lines like you’re lucky or your aren’t starving or you have a long way to go, don’t worry so much. In a way all of these statements are true, unfortunately when I’m lying awake a 2am they do not comfort me. Maybe that is something, food was a comfort to me and now it’s gone. I guess I should find comfort in something else, but what?
Tashah

Tashah

2
 

It's Been One Month Today

It’s been a month and I’m finally feeling better. I’m feeling more secure, sleeping better and taking the complements in stride. This week a lot of my co-workers have finally noticed that there is something different. A lot of them think it’s different makeup or hair LOL. I want to say no it’s the 25 lbs. + I lost, but I’m not ready to tell them what I had done. I’m just about ready to officially drop a size because my pants are falling off of me; unfortunately the next size down is still too tight in my tummy. I’m losing in my legs and bottom first. I go in for another fill on Tuesday… I hope I hit my green zone soon.
Tashah

Tashah

2
 

Tomorrow

I'm having surgery in the morning, I'm excited and freaked out.  
Tashah

Tashah

0
 

Approval and surgery date

I got my approval letter yesterday and a call this morning telling me my surgery is on Monday!  I'm so happy!  The fight was worth it.  Thankfully I never got off my pre-op diet and was ready. 
Tashah

Tashah

0
 

Approval and surgery date

I got my approval letter yesterday and a call this morning telling me my surgery is on Monday!  I'm so happy!  The fight was worth it.  Thankfully I never got off my pre-op diet and was ready. 
Tashah

Tashah

0
 

My 5 year journey

5 years ago I got a lap band and I failed.  I kept the weight off, but stopped losing after about 3 months.  I would still diet here and there, usually a halfhearted new years resolution and took a few pounds off and then after a few months stopped and put them right back on.  2 years ago I was admitted to the hospital with severe abdominal pain, like debilitating abdominal pain.  After 24 hours of constant testing and 3 pelvic exams I was diagnosed with a ruptured ovarian cyst.  The pain was intense and it stopped me from doing anything I enjoyed because inevitably it would rupture and I'd end up back in the ER.  So I stopped being active and the cyst stopped rupturing, win, win, right?  Wrong... it was growing, growing to the size of an orange.   I went in for my annual exam in May of last year and my Dr. was shocked at how big it was.  She sent me to get a CT scan and ultrasound we did that every 4 weeks watching it keep growing.  At this point, September she did an OVA1 test, to check for ovarian cancer markers.  It was positive and I got sent off to an Oncologist.  There I continued to get CT scans and ultrasounds, CA125 tests.. The cyst was still growing, the screens were positive.  In the middle of this my band slipped and that sent me once again to the ER, my esophagus was in spasms, I had GERD and couldn't keep anything down.  I had to get all the fluid removed from my band. I was depressed and had to accept the real possibility that my life as I knew it was over.   My Oncologist scheduled me for a full hysterectomy, pelvic lymphadenectomy, partial colectomy and an abdomen scraping.   I was miserable, depressed , really just ready to give up.  On February 1, 2017 I went in for surgery not knowing what I would wake up to.   I woke up in the recovery room, unable to feel my hands with a nurse scraping blood off of my face.  I reached down to see if I was still all there, to see my oncologist standing at my feet with a beaming smile on her face.   She told me that my biopsy was negative and she only removed the right ovary and fallopian tube.  I didn't have cancer, I was not in instant menopause!  I was going to live!!  I physically healed within a month and then I realized that I needed to mentally heal as well.  I found a therapist and started seeing her once a week.  I faced my reality and decided that not only did I want to live again, I wanted to be the best me I could be.  I made an appointment with the surgeon that did my band to see what my options were.  He said that for my age and weight he thought I should do the sleeve.  I said no, I made that mistake before, I'm going in all or none this time.  He talked to me for over an hour about the sleeve and told me to go home and think about it.  I went home and started to research and came to the conclusion that he was right.  I went back in and we made a plan, I would get the Lap band removed and he would preform the sleeve operation at the same time.  I had to go through all the insurance requirements again and I'm glad I did.  I'm still seeing my therapist, have left my husband (not getting into that here, but it was a very good thing) and have a new self awareness that I never had before.  I'm scheduled for surgery on 9/8/2017.  I haven't gotten insurance approval yet, I'm still concerned about that.  But I have started my pre-op diet and gotten everything lined up for my post-op.  I have been much more open about what's going on, I have told, friends, family and co-workers.  I'm excited!  I'm ready to live my best life.  
Tashah

Tashah

0
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