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Lapband Journey

Entries in this blog

 

Open your eyes......

I am still on my learning journey and getting back on track after gaining 3 lbs. This may not sound like much to you, but I know that 3 ends up as 6, which will end up as 12 if I don't nip it in the bud now.   When I left work yesterday I headed for my weekly grocery trip. I had my list and my meal plan. Got very little processed stuff, mostly meat and veggies, and the fur kid food. Came home, unload and unpacked and put everything up. I started our dinner - we had chicken alfredo (totally homemade using spagetti squash and my from scratch low fat/cal sauce with lots of veggies). I went and weeded my garden while waiting for the hubs to get home (I got baby squash and cucumbers). Once he got home, we ate (left overs galore- we both ate and we both have lunch for today and I have enough for tomorrow to). I did dishes and then headed out to cut the grass. We have a .25 acre yard and I push mow it. After finishing that I put down my fire ant treatment being that I was attacked. Then in the house to set up the next days "stuff", shower and spends some time with the hubs. So as you see my afternoon was full, this is a normal day in my life- I am pretty much moving and doing something all day except when I have to sit at my desk at work.   After the busy day, I settled down with the hubs to watch a little TV. I was already 9. After a few min of laying there in the chaise lounge I started thinking oh, I need a snack. I deserve it, after all I push mowed the lawn. Then the little voice came from deep inside that ask, are you really hungry? The answer was honestly NO- head hunger was creeping in. I squashed that real quick- got a bottle of water and sucked it down hung out with the hubs and my fur babies for a while longer before hitting the sheets.   The point to all of this is, it doesn't matter how long post op you are, how long you have done things right, or how committed you are- things will always pop up to make us want to eat. We have a problem- we want more food than we need. The only way for me to lose weight and keep it off is to recongnize these problem times and areas, face them and squash them.   Normally, I would go in for a fill, I haven't had one since Feb. However, I know I still get stuck a lot so I am not sure a fill is the best route for me right now. I will go in next month for my 1 year follow up and let them check it then, if the doc says it's time for another fill, then we will do it, because he is the expert. While a fill might help me deal with these things, at some point I must face the demons of my eating problems and lean to cope.   I encourage everyone no matter where you are along this journey to keep your eyes open and be on the watch for these little demons to creep in. They will, for some more than others, but if we keep our eyes open and are mindful of them we will beat them and come out on top.   When I was working in a drug treatment center, I often times talked to my patients about developing coping skills. Things to do when they were craving their drug of choice, well I must do the same thing when I am craving or wanting food when I don't need it.   Maybe I am slow on the take off, maybe I wasn't 100% ready when I had surgery. But, I am waking up from a fog and realizing I have a problem with food and I must deal with it now before it gets me. I have a tool to help me with this, it is up to me to use it and to develop other tools to deal with my addiction.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Why?

I went on a road trip last weekend and did pretty good, even having to eat out. I turned down apple pie and icecream when every one else was eating it. Back at work this week, I turned down a awesome looking chocolate cake and donuts. I am eating what I am suppose to, drinking water even exercising, but am I losing weight, NO!.   I know everyone hit plateaus, but this is ridiculas. Last week my weight got down to 216.4 on Wed, this Tuesday I was 218. Tuesday night I worked in the yard, push mowed the lawn and the raked the yard- out there 3 hours sweating. Wed morning I was down to 216.2 then this morning I was back up to 217.2. WTH??   I went through surgery and all the test, and I still can't seem to lose. The first few weeks things went great, but now it seems like I am losing less than a pound a week and sometimes not even that. Why am I eating like a bird just to stay fat?   Ok, before I get a beat down. I know it's worth it, I am just frustrated and afraid. There are people out there that the band doesn't work for, what if I am one of those people. What if I went through all of this for nothing.   I realize that the weight didn't come on me over night so it won't fall off over night, but geez. I was so hopeful and excited to begin with, but now I am losing hope and just feeling fearful. I am not stopping the band why, I am still eating healthy, because I have learned to like it. I just want to see results on the scales for all my efforts.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Banded life can be some what of a roller coaster ride. We all get upset when someone says we took the easy way out, I'd like to see them try it! It's true you never understand until you walk a mile in there shoes. At almost 4 months out I have walked several of those miles and not all have been easy.   For a week after surgery I though oh, heck what did I do. I felt like crap, I hurt, I was hungry, I was miserable. Then as the healing got going I started to feel better. Then I started to see results- weight loss- and it made it all worth it.   I have had 4 fills now and know I am getting tighter. To begin with I was just watching my calories and staying below 1200 even if I felt hungry. Now the hunger is less of a problem except certain times of day. I am able to drink more and get my protein in, plus exercise.   Since my last fill I experieced the dreaded "STUCK" moment. Before the food even got to my band I knew I had screwed up- I swallowed before I had chewed enough - MISTAKE. Lets just say that certainly gave me a good reminder to CHEW!! Most bandsters have experienced this moment and it's the ugly one- you feel like your chest will explode. You want to puke, but you can't, you want to wash it down, but you can't. You are almost foaming at the mouth with spit- not pretty or fun.   Some foods I use to love, now just don't love me. Breadsticks for instance - I LOVED them- now I just can't do it without putting my band at risk. I don't know about you, but I don't really enjoy surgery and the thought of having to have my band fixed because I ate the wrong things and made it slip just isn't going to happen. That breadstick doesn't taste that good. Most other things I can still eat, but it's a question of should I. Things like ice cream and cheese cake - while my band will allow them down, my calorie count really doesn't. Does this mean I will never partake in these again, probally not. I think I will allow myself one SMALL slice of cheese cake once a year on my wedding anniversary because that is what we had for our wedding cake. However, I may do an hour on the elliptical to compensate.   As most people who have been banded figure out quickly, weight lose can be painfully slow at times. This makes it easy to get discouraged, but when you look at the big picture, when was the last time you lost 35 lbs in 3 months.   The band doesn't do it all for me. I still must choose the right foods - healthy. I must choose not to eat or drink empty calories. For me I choose to count calories, which has helped me a lot. This helps me make sure I don't go over and that I am staying in the "lose" zone. I think my counting calories with myfitnesspal will help me with my long term success. With counting I must be accountable each day not just when I get on a scale.   The Good part of the band is-- I am losing weight, I am not crazy hungry, I feel good, I am looking better, I am becoming the me I always wanted to be! For the 1st time in my over weight life I have hope and confidence that this weight will come off and I will one day be a healthy weight. So to be the bad and ugly times are far out weighed by the Good!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

I Love Food

I love food, I mean really love food (which is why I hit 247). I have always been a foodie. While sweets were never a huge pull for me, I find myself wanting them more now, but I have managed to stay away from them except special occassions.   I am and always have been a protein / carb girl. I am mildly adventurous, willing to try new foods and such. Since being banded I have found I like: Greek Yogurt, couscous, beans. I eat a lot more fish (talapia, salmon, mackeral).   Being that I love to cook I am always researching new things and new ways of cooking.   I still, however, do enjoy going out to eat. What I like best is having someone else clean the kitchen!   Last night, Valentines, the hub wanted to go to the 1st resturant we ever went to. That resturant is On the Border, which serves southwest style food. I love southwest/mexi, but it is loaded with salt and calories. I downloaded the nutrition and was shocked the my southwest chicken taco's were 1200 calories- ouch. I found that the fajita mix was a better choice, I was able to order the chicken with grilled onion, pepper, zuchini, with no sides (beans, rice, tortillas). I ate just the meat and veggie and ask for sauce on the side (which I only used a bit of). Since I hadn't been there since surgery this really showed how my eating has changes.   Before surgery I would eat the meat, veggies, rice, beans, tortillas and a dessert. Last night I wasn't even able to get down all of the meat and veggies. Wow, what a change. My husband said he was so proud of me.   I went home feeling good and not over stuffed. Yes, this morning my weight was up by a pound, the salt really worked on me.   So today I am drinking my water like a made woman and cutting the salt back.   I guess this is what life should be like, not giving up the food we love, just cutting back on the amount and making adjustment for the bad stuff.   What in the heck did I learn this years ago??
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Decisions.....

I had the lapband just a little over 11 months ago and have lost 58 lbs. Most within the 1st 6 months. I am glad I did it, it has change how I look at food and what I put in my mouth. I do feel healthier, just wish my weight loss was more.   I have made no secret about my anxiety disorder on this site. While I don't really like telling people around me about my disorder, I want this place to be my safe zone where I can discuss it.   I am currently taking Paxel, which has changed my life, in the fact that I hardly have any symptoms of my disorder now- which is AWESOME!!   I also, have discussed my difficulty in having a child. Prior to getting banded I had 3 miscarriages. The doctors never figured out the cause.   Now, I have been given the green light from my surgeon to try for a child, I have to stop my Paxel. This worries me, the last thing I needs is my anxiety returning during pregnancy. My OB/GYN has is trying to transition me for Paxil to a different SSRI that is ok during pregnancy. Once I have been ok on that for a month or two I can go ahead and try.   This being said, the hubs and I have decided to try one more time. With all the med stuff, we can't try until July or Aug, but we are going to try.   I am not sure if it will take this time around or not. Honestly, I some what fear getting pregnant, in that I know I will gain weight and I don't want to gain weight, but I must for a healthy baby. So to that end I must be very careful and take good care of myself to make sure I don't gain any more weight than I need to.   None the less I am excited about trying again and I know that with support and help whatever weight I do gain I can get back off once the little one is here.   So please send a prayer up for me!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Plateau Hell

October was an awesome month for me in the weight loss department, I lost 8 lbs. Since the first week in November I have been on a dang gone plateau, and it sucks!!! My weight has bounced since that week between 202.6 and 201.4. My goal had been to hit 199 by Thanksgiving and obviously that didn't happen.   I did indulge one day and allowed myself 2000 calories on Thanksgiving day, which was still below the amount I burned that day. Lunch was followed by a nap and then a 4 mile family hike. I totally don't feel guilty about allowing myself that once, as long as it doesn't become habit. Some of you may berate me for that, but we all have to do what works for us.   Other than the family hike on Thanksgiving I haven't been exercising per say. I have been working! I get up get into the office by 6:45 work until 3, go home or run errons, then go home clean, do laundry, cook dinner - deal with the creatures (2 dogs, 2 cats). We have stuff going on every weekend that takes us out of town or brings family to our home. When I cook I make my recipes as healthy as possible. I feel like I am going crazy though staying busy all the time. Sunday after my in-laws left I passed out on the couch and took a 3 hour nap, I was exhausted.   Is my tiredness playing into the platuea? Is my lack of working out causing? I have no idea what the cause is, but I know it sucks.   Tomorrow I return to my doctor for a fill, likely with my head tucked between my knees. When I left last time, my doctor smiled and said I will see you in November and below 200 and I failed!   I know that my inches have gone down because my clothes are fitting differently, my 16's are fitting a little looser and my 14's are pefect. But, weight is what is the main measure of success.   I know I shouldn't just look at the weight, but it's hard not to. I am so very close to onederland. When I started this journey the thought of getting below 200 was a dream, now that I am so close it almost seem unattainable.   Am I meant to always be the fat girl? Is my body against me and refusing to drop the fat? I don't know, but I do know that this plateau is making it very hard to stay motivated.   Hopefully, the weight will start to move again soon and in the right direction.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Goals

From the get go I have set goals for myself. The first few months I was knocking them out in what seemed like a week or so, now things have slowed; dramatically.   To begin with I was just wanted to get to the lower 10 lb zone. So starting at the 244 mark, 230's came and went quick, then the 220's bam shattered that, 210 slow but got it, below 200 slower but reached it. Now in the 190's and have been in this zone since early Dec. Yesterday I was at 192.8, so it is moving, but sssslllloooowwwllllyyy!!!   While I am not giving up, I do get frustrated and worried. Yes, I know I have a calorie deficit each day, yes I am walking more, yes I am only eating my alotted amount, yes I am getting in my protein, yes I am getting in my water; but my weight just isn't moving like before.   To begin with my goals were weight based, now I am having to change my goals as realated to other things in order to make myself feel like I am moving forward. These are goals like- walk at the least 6000 steps a day on the weekends 8000. These goals I can reach and it makes me feel good when I reach one. However, I still wish that I could reach my weight loss goals in a more timely fashion.   52 lbs in 8 months - 52 lbs is a lot, but over 8 months that is only 6.5 lbs a month. While I know that it is normal to lose only 1-2 lbs a week so the average is more like 4-8 lbs a month so I am in the middle.   My final goal is 140, I use to think oh, I will hit that in a year- now I am not sure when I will hit it- maybe 3 years. I have just had to stop looking long term and start looking at the day- what mountain can I tackle today?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Mommy Why.........

If you have ever been around a kid for more than 5 min I am sure you have heard them say why at least twice. I was always the kid who ask why, it just does never worked on me, drove my mom nuts!   Well I am still like that, I always want to know why. Since having surgery I am reading about nutrition and fitness all the time, to find out how and why my body works with food.   One article I read said a calorie is a calorie and should be counted, while yes that is true, it isn't the whole picture. We all have heard and been told 200 calories from chicken is better than 200 calories of ice cream. But why is that if a calorie is a calorie?   Well here is what I have figured out..... We need our protein and fiber- it helps us stay full longer. Some say hey ice cream has protein- I'll eat that, but that is where we need to know more.   One of the best things I have learned is I can make my food work for me!! How awesome is that!   When we eat foods high in protein, fiber and complex carbs our bodies must work harder to digest them, therefore, our bodies will will burn more calories digesting them. While I guess I knew this, it never really dinged until I read an article about that.   When I did WW years ago things like fruit and veggies were hardly any points, yet they do have calories. However, your body must work harder to digest them therefore their calorie counts are almost null and in the case of veggies like Celery it is null.   So now what do I do with this information.....   Well, I am all about what I eat working for me rather than sticking to my hips. I am upping my fiber, making sure the carbs I take in are complex, and making sure I get my recommended protein in. I can still eat yummy food and things I love and lose weight. Yes, I will have to adjust.   I highly recommend going to your favorite resturants website and looking at the nutrition part. Some like Wendy's and Burger King you can adjust the meal to see what calorie counts would be. It is amazing what just leaving off cheese or mayo can do for lowering the calories. Now I AM NOT saying eat fast food daily, but what I am saying is if you are craving that whopper - go get it, but adjust it- leave off the mayo, cheese and pickle and the calorie count will come down nicely.   We (I) got to be obese by eating what I wanted and not paying attention to what I was putting in my body, but with a little nutrition knowlege we and ADJUST ourselves and our food to work for us.   Holding up my water bottle..... Here's to Success!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Wow, How Lazy Was I?

I always a fairly active person. I would go to work, if I needed to talk to someone in my building I walked to them instead of calling. I came home and stayed moving until after dinner. I thought I did good.   Well......   My MIL came over Thanksgiving and one of my gifts was a Fitbit One. After figuring out how to use the little sucker I realized- damn I've been lazy. The first day I was shocked at the results. That is all the calories burned, that is all the steps I took, that is my active score- WTH.   Since the first day with it I have found myself looking for ways to increase steps- I park further away from stores, between projects at work I get up and walk around the office circle. I stand up and sit down to get things rather than rolling my chair, I stand and pace while on the phone- all of these things helped me increase my steps and calories burned. I know you may think oh just a little bit won't matter, but hey gotta start somewhere and every calorie burned is not going to hang on my hips. It has really opened my eyes to reality.   Reality- I think that is something each of us in order to be successful need to find - the reality of who we are.   We got fat by not thinking, mindlessly eating crap. Now that we have a tool inside of us, it's time to be realistic. You can fail the band- you can drink milkshakes other high cal things and gain or you can be realistic and look at what you are actually putting in your body. I love food, we all do that is why we got here, but the reality of it we can still eat good food and lose weight.   Yesterday I went for my 5th fill and saw the doctor who operated on me (normally I see his wondeful assistant- also a surgeon). He looked at my band under floro gave me a little fill and told me this may do it- get me to the green zone. He said everything looked perfect and I was doing great. Well today, I know I got that fill. I am tight, but not to much, it's just right. A cup full of food is either perfect or to much. There is no way in hell I can over eat when eating real food (not sliders) with out tossing it all back up.   This is a great feeling. I feel motivated and encouraged after being down about my plateau. Plus I finally dropped below 201 this morning after being at that for a month- 200.6 - 7 oz until ONDERLAND!!!   Basically, what I am saying is, we ALL can do this, we ALL CAN lose weight, but we must be realistic with ourselves and our support group (family, doctors, nutritionist). We must make a choice to do what is right- to eat healthy.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

The Little Things....

I spent a while last night researching little things I can do to increase my weight loss with out feeling like I am giving up anything and here are some of the things I found:   - Say no to empty calories (drinks with calories are useless- they do nothing to fill you up and only add to your waist line. If you need flavor in your drinks there are a great deal of water flavor packets you can buy with 0 calories)   - 3 meals a day isn't always the best (I use to think if I stuck to breakfast, lunch, dinner I would be ok- not so much. If you eat a big meal 3 times a day, your metabolims looks like a roller coaster. If you eat small meals- like our 1 cup meals- and add in protein/fiber rich snacks your metabolism keeps trucking along, which helps you burn more calories)   - If you are going to eat a carb, make it complex. (Fruit has carbs, go ahead check behind me, but they also have water, nutrients and fiber. So mix a little fruit in with your protein- like grapes and cheese, blueberries or strawberries in yougurt or oatmeal)   - Moving burns calories. (Any movement will burn calories. Shake your legs while sitting at your desk, walk to a co-workers office rather than calling, park further away from the store, walk to the mail box rather than driving (yep I know people who do this), Shake your grove thing while cooking (the hubs love when I do this), laugh, clean your house, wash your dishes instead of putting them in the dish washer. The point is MOVE.)   -Develop a meal plan for the week. ( This will keep you on track and will help the budget, because you won't buy things that you don't need. Put your plan on the frige- this really does make things easier, when you have a busy life).   -Take Vitamins (Nearly all American Adults have low Vitamin D levels. When mine was just tested it was 19, it should be 50. Your body must have Vit. D to break down fat, I didn't know this, but have found out, this can cause weight loss slow downs. Make sure you are getting your levels check at least yearly and you are supplimenting where needed).   -Spice it up (By adding a little heat from pepper to your meals you can boost your metabolism. This may not be a huge boost, but if you are like me I'll take what I can get. Sprinkle a little chili powder on different foods- spice up chicken.)   -Eat fruits and veggies. (Yes, protein is very important, but a person can not live by protein alone- well they can, but you get my point. It's summer, hit the local farmers market and try veggies. There are thousands of healthy ways to prepare veggies- hit up google. Try new and diffrent fruits and veggies. For a indulgent desert- grill a halfed peach and put on spoon of greek yogurt on top (it is so good!!). Fruits and veggies give you nutrients, help your digestive system, satisfy a sweet tooth, gives you water- so add a fruit of veggie to each meal.) I planted a small garden out back of my house which I go out and weed and water nightly -moving- and I get fresh organic veggies- so double the good for me.   Little things may seem little, but together they add up. I have found over the last year, sometimes it is the little things that can make a big difference.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Up, Down, All Around

My weight has pretty much been at a stale mate since around June. I have stayed in the zone between 186-189. I weigh daily, each AM in the good ole B-day suite. Last week, while awaiting my monthly visitor I jumped to 190, then the next day 187- go fig- horomones, gotta love 'em.   Basically, I keep getting told that I should pat myself on the back for not gaining. True I haven't gained during a very stressful time in my life. However, on June 22, 2012 I had lapband surgery to lose weight. At that time I want to get to 175, so currently I am around 11 lbs shy of the original goal. As my weight fell off the first few months, with what seemed to be little effort, I changed my goal to 140. At this point I fear I will never make it to my ultimate goal.   At this point and time I can also say, shamefully, that I do little to make my goal attainable. I don't exercise daily like I know I should- I wouldn't say I am lazy. I move, a lot, I just don't have a regimented exercise routine, that I know would help me pull toward my goal. I, also, eat pretty much what I want. I eat pizza, cake, cookies, pie, ice cream, meals- I just don't eat as much as I did pre-surgery- I don't think it is possible. I do attempt to make things healthier- like cutting salt, eating lean meats, eatting less process foods and carb- but I don't make a huge effort to eat like a rabbit as my hubby calls it.   I have come a long ways- 60 lbs down from my highest- but yeah I want more, but I am finding motivation to move forward hard to come by.   I have been in a 14 all summer, but now they are a little loose and I can wear some 12's. That is great, don't know how that is happening, but my body much be reshaping.   I know that while I am not being hard core, I am doing something to at least maintain where I am. This morning I promised myself to make a concious effort to do better in the coming week so hopefully in the next month I can drop to 185. I am not 100% sure how I am going to do it, basically I am going to take it day by day- meal by meal- make better choices as time moves forward.   I want to be realistic and do things that I can continue, knowing that if I go to rabbit food for weeks, I may loose weight, but I won't be able to maintain that.   So I recommit, today I will begin with each bite to make better choices and to start listening a little closer to my bodies singles of satisfaction.   This is a battle I know I will fight every day for the remainder of my life, but in order to have a life, I must fight it each day.   I don't come on here much any more due to being busy, but I miss my friends- I miss my encouragers. I miss my one person who will kick my butt if needed. So firends- fire away- give it to me- help me get moving again. Everyone needs support once in a while.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Just Do It..... MOVE

I have touched on this before but I want to talk about it more.   I got a fitbit a few weeks ago and realized how lazy I was.   Since then I have tried to increase my steps and general movement daily to burn more calories and here is what I have done:   @ work I walk to other offices when I need to talk to someone rather than calling. I take the long way to the bathroom and break room to get my snacks or lunch. Instead of rolling my chair I get up and walk to get things in my office. I fidget- shake my legs, stand when on the phone   @ a store I park further away (ok unless it's raining- I don't like being wet) Walk as fast as I can between sections I need to go to or take the long way around the store.   @ home Again take the long way to the potty or kitchen We have our master on the first floor, but I go upstairs everyday to check it (I have pets) I work out when I have time (busy time of year- have gifts to wrap) When I sit down to watch a fav show (like NCIS) I pick up my hand weights and use them while I watch or during commercials. Dance around the kitchen while cooking (the hubs just loves this- I find him watching from the door laughing) Dance in the shower while washing my hair Pace when on the phone I park my car in the garage and walk back to the mail box rather than stopping at the mail box. Play with my dog (tug of war kills my arms - she is STRONG)     All these things add up to more calories burned and they put me in a better mood. I mean who won't laugh at themselves when they are dancing in the kitchen to Christmas carols or dancing in the shower. I feel better and am happier on the days I do these things.   We all can increase our movement in some way even if we can't workout. As you do more movement the easier it gets to move and the more you can do and it turns into a wonderful cycle.   So do it - MOVE!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Grocery Bill Before And After

I thought with me eating much less my grocery bill would go down, but it hasn't, but it hasn't gone up either. Instead of buying crap (little debbie / french fries) I buy healthy things - fruit and veggies. I no longer buy any soft drinks, just crystal light flavor packs for water.   I am married so I do have to buy for the hubs, but while he isn't banded he opted to adopted the banded life. He eats the same healthy foods I do just in a large quantity, but hey that is a step. We have opted to oust junk foods all together. So I no longer go down the junk isles. I use to buy a lb of sugar monthly, I have purchased one in 4 months now - don't use it any more.   I use to buy hamburger, chicken and pork. Now I still buy chicken, but opt for ground turkey instead of beef and still do a little pork sometimes and a lot more fish. We also use eggs instead of meat - I made an awesome veggie quiche last night and it gave us dinner last night and breaksfast for today and tomorrow- that is the way to stretch a buck. I have learned that Mrs. Dash makes fish better grilled and broiled than it was when we ate it fried.   So while my bill hasn't gone down, I feel like the quality of food I purchase is better and I like that. Fresh veggies and fruit are great. My hubs has given up high cal yogurt for apple slices and likes it better. So I don't mind that the bill hasn't gone down quality means more than quantity so that is the aim these days.   What has being banded done for your grocery bill?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Thank You, Thank You Very Much

Journey began- June 22, 2012 (band day) Weight- 244 (Highest 247) 3/3/14 weight- 192.8 Sizes- pants 14/16 shirts L   So much as taken place since June 2012. Some days it really hits me how much I have changed both inside and outside. I have a lot of people to thank for this including myself.   My hubs- For encouraging me to move it to lose it and for being my support. His encouragement has gotten me through the rough days.   My parents- for supporting me in this journey and for telling me they are proud of me. Just this weekend my dad told my hubs to buy me a new coat because they one I had was wayyy to big- this really made me feel good because my dad does not compliment people.   Lapband site folks:   Carolina Girl- for her no nonsense, this is the way it way of responding and blogging. Often she reminds me what this is really about.   Missy- for being the ever encouraging inspiration lapband rockstar. The way she responds to post and "likes" most encourages me to hang it and that I am not a crazy bandster.   Jean McMillian- for her responses, her articles, ect. This last article she wrote slapped me upside the head and I needed that Gibbs slap.   The great thing about this site is while you will on occasion encounter negative nellies and the general butt hole, you also encounter folk who know what they are doing, who have and are rocking the journey and can give great encouragement and support if you just listen with an open mind.   Of course there are days when I feel like crap and that I am a total failure, I think we all experience this at some point during the journey. However, times like this weekend when I try on pants and find that size 16 shorts are to big and 14's are perfect and a large shirt fit just right let me know I am doing this no matter how I see myself in the mirror. There are time when I still feel like shammoo in drag, but I am doing this- I am getting smaller and healthier.   So thanks to all who have encouraged, supported, listened, responded, posted their stories, blog - you have made an impact on this bandster!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Learning To The Lapband Way

7 wks post op tomorrow and down 24lbs. I know that 24 lbs is good especially since I am not at my sweet spot, but I still feel like it is coming off slowly. I am doing well keeping to 900-1100 calories a day. I have given up soda, coffee, fried food and haven't missed the one bit. I no longer drink during meal, which I thought would be horrible. I am counting my calories on myfitnesspal and I am working out 4 days a week on our elliptical and lifting weight a couple of days. I opted to park further away from the door at stores. The way I eat, cook, heck live have all changed in the matter of 7 weeks and I don't feel like I am missing out on anything. For the first time in my life I have will power. Today I went to a work meeting and they had coffee and donuts. I turned them down and was happy with my propel and my fiber one 90 calorie cookie for my mid morning snack. While the donut looked great, I knew I didn't need and and wasn't hungry for it.   The only thing that makes me say hmmmmm...... is I seem to lose a half pound a day Saturday thur Monday and then the rest of the week I don't lose an ounce. What in the world causes that? My water consumption doesn't change. My calorie count stays in line. Yet each week it's the same pattern.   I am loving my new healthier life, but still learning the ropes of living the life.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Listen Up.......

Well it's been an odd week for me. The hubs Big 40 was last week. We had a party for him last Sunday night. Instead of B-day cake he wanted his fave cheesecake and I made brownies to. Most of the left overs I sent home with friends. Kept a couple and we had those the first of the week.   Mid-week my PMS mode hit, which means grumpy and craving. Since being banded I haven't really had any horrible cravings for sweets, I've wanted them, but not to the point I have this week. I am guessing this is a case of your mind gets a little and it wants more of that drug.   On Friday of this week NC got hit with an ice storm - nothing horrible, but enough to send us home from work and keep us in until afternoon on Saturday. Friday my hubs wanted pizza. Well this hasn't been an issue for me before, but.... I ordered a large since I could get it for free, just figured we would eat on it for a couple of days (WRONG). For lunch I was starved and ate 2 slices of my veggie side and felt way to full (I know this wasn't good for my band and I shouldn't have, but I can't change what was only what is to come), at dinner I wasn't really hungry, but at another piece anyway and felt even worse. By bedtime I felt like crap. My tummy hurt and I felt bloated. Lesson learned....   I am feeling like I am reverting back to my old ways and that scares me worse than anything. My band is there to help me, but if I refuse to listen to it, it can't and won't help. I know that I must get back on track and get myself back on the plan and biggest thing listen to my band.   As my mom said when I was little there is a big difference in hearing and listening. I hear my band tell me no I don't want that, but I ignored it this weekend. Today after returning home from my Dad's 65th b-day party I found myself standing in my kitchen looking around for something to eat, yet I wasn't hungry.   My feeling down and out today doesn't help eating issues, but at least I am realizing what triggers I have and trying to change which I have not done in the past.   While at Dad's party, sitting with my niece who is a cute perky 17 year old size 0, I watched what and how she ate. She ate really slow. She got up to toss her plate and still had half of her cake and some ice cream on it- she said she was full. I guess that is why she is a size 0. She opts to stop when she is full no matter how much is left on her plate. This is something I can learn from her.   Like I have often said this journey isn't the easy every day, but it is a journey worth making. For those of you support and encourage me thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I am going to fall from time to time on my journey and it helps having the awesome people on this site to help me stand back up and keep moving forward.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

A New Attitude.....

Work has been crazy lately, life has been crazy. I am busier than ever, but I am doing pretty well. There are times when I get down and out, but for the most part I feel stronger than I was 5 years ago.   This past weekend I went out of town, up to Ohio to visit my MIL. I realized on this trip, going through airports, going to new places, walking down crowed streets, taking city buses, that I am not nearly as self concious as I once was. What a great feeling to walk down the street or into places and hold my head up. Going into resturants and ordering, I don't feel self concious about my order. I just don't worry nearly as much about what people think of my outside. I lived life from 6 years old until 32 now always worried about how people view my outside.   When getting back to work this week, another big thing happend. In years past I would never stand up for myself- I was meek and quiet especially in confrontation. I HATE confrontation. Due to my job I often have confrontations with parents who want me to bend rules or plan out break them for their child. I hated it when I got in confrontations with co-workers. Well, my secretary screwed up majorly while I was out of town. I decided that I was not going to be the one to call the families and apologize for the problems. I took the forms back to her, told her what was wrong and to contact the families. She went off, she yelled, was very rude. In times past I would have hung my head and walked away. This time I looked her in the eye and told her she needed to calm down, that yelling at me because she screwed up was not acceptable and I would not take that. She cried left work, came back the next day and acted as if nothing happend. I stood up for me!!! What a great feeling.   I am becoming more outgoing and confident in myself and my skin. I have never know what that was like. It's a glorious feeling. I realize that my no means am I a tiny girl. I wear a size 12/14 comfortably. I feel normal- like a typical person, not shamoo on legs.   I feel like at 32 almost 33 years old I am finally coming into myself and it's all because I made the choice to get the band and use it. I so wish everyone who has ever felt meek and awkward due to their weight could feel like I do right now. It is liberating. I makes me want to go out and when I see a large person tell them you don't have to live like that anymore. There is hope, there is help- you just have to use it to choose it.   So this morning despite my feelings of not having lost enough, I am doing the happy dance and being thankful for how my life has changed due to my band.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Choices

This last month has been a wild ride.   I started off with the goal of working out daily and eating no more than 1200 calories a day no matter what. The first two weeks I did well and stuck to it even though the scales really didn't move much.   Then my grandmother passed away. Not only was I faced with lots of emotion (we were extremely close- she was my friend as well as grandma) and tons of food that wasn't the best foods for me. Being that I was away from home for 5 days in the deep country- finding better food options really weren't possible. I attempted to make the best choices of what I had, but still felt like I was going way over my 1200 allowed calories even though I wasn't counting (no access to my apps).   When I returned home from the services, I had a sore throat which balloned into a horrible head cold and then broncitis.   So 2 weeks of no excercise and not eating the best in the world, but drinking water and SF hot tea like crazy. I thought for sure that when I went in for my fill my weight would be up and they wouldn't give me a fill. Low and behold - I had the best month since month 1. I lost 8 lbs!   My weight is at 202, just 3 lbs from my first major goal- onederland! I did get another fill and an agressive one at that. My doctor is super excited and said for where I started most patients don't hit this point until month 6-8, so she is very happy.   Maybe I could increase my weight loss more by cutting out carbs and such, but what I am doing now is sustainable. I am still eating the foods I love (pizza and pasta's) just eating far less of it than I did at one point. I use to think my metabolism was really low because I didn't eat that much so it had to be screwed up for me to weight that much- well I was in denial. I was gorging at times. Food consumed my life rather than fueling it. That has changed - I eat what I like, I am just mindful about how much and how bad it is.   I choose to make better choices and that has made all the difference!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Odds and Ends

At 3 days shy of my 1 year banding mark, I have come to a lot realizations. Through this process you tend to learn about yourself and your strength. I have come to realize, I've lied to myself for a long time.   I use to think I ate healthy- WRONG. While I didn't hit fast food joints a lot, what I cooked at home wasn't cooked the healtiest and I ate a lot of processed foods. Beside that I just plain out ate a lot.   I use to think that this process would be a snap for me- easy as pie- that I would be a leader and knock the docs socks off- WRONG. I have lost 60 lbs, which isn't horrible, but I could have lost a lot more. I had to realize some things about me and it took a while. It's not always easy to make the right choices when it comes to eating.   I use to think- ok I can do this with out exercise- WRONG. I have lost the weight I have with little exercise. While on occassion I take a long walk with the pups, I did good for about a month on the elliptical and the hubs and I ride bikes when the weather allows. But, my workout are not routine, they are sporatic at best. Honestly, I believe I am going to have to add consistant exercise to my routine to ever lose more weight.   I use to think- ok, it's okay to eat not so great food today, it's only one day- WRONG. Some people are able to do this, I am not one of them. I find that if I go out and eat something that I normally don't, say fried chicken, that will set my cravings for other not so healthy foods off. For me going off a rigid plan only leads to a slippery slope that I have great difficulty not going over. I have fallen off this slope more times than I care to count. I am currently climbing my way back up to the top.   I use to think- I can do this alone- NOPE again. I need the support of so many people. When you are having a tough day, even though you know the answers to some questions, you just need someone there who can reassure you that you are correct. You need the support from the people you are around on a daily basis- spouse, kids, parents, roommates, friends and sometimes co-workers. You also really need a good open relationship with your doctor and nutrtitionist- these are the specilaist to can help you best of all with tweeks to your plan. You also need some type of support group- it could be an actual group meeting or this site- but a group of people who are going through the same thing as you are; who can understand the ups and downs. You also need somewhere that you can come and encourage others, so you feel value in this process - it's an evolving cycle.   These are not nearly all the things that I learned, but it's a lot of the big ones. I've stuggled with my weight since I was 6 years old; always being the big girl. I find that I ate complusively and emotionally for years even though I didn't realize it. I realize that while I haven't done horrible on this journey, the only reason I haven't lost more is that I did fully invest in it. I thought I could do it my way and still get where I wanted and that was wrong. I have to do what the doctor and the nutrtionist recommend- healthy diet (plan- whatever you want to call it), exercise, rest, lots of water.   So even though I am one year out and about 45 lbs from my goal of weight in the 140's, I am going to have to reinvest myself, get back into the game and hit it hard. I am going to have to do it or I will remain in the 180's.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Tough Weekend

This weekend was a rough one. My weight had gone up on Friday and I was really worried the band was not going to work for me, my fear getting the best of me. I was really down unable to figure out the patter of my weight ups and downs. I was feeling like I had failed on many fronts. I have been married 3 years and the first year I had 3 miscarriages. I am able to get pregnant easily, yet I can not carry past a month or two. This hurts greatly, I have always wanted to be a mother, so I feel like I am not a "true" woman because I can't have a baby. I also feel like I failed my husband in that I can't give him a child. This has been a great hurt for me, but most of the time I can deal with it and stay rational and not let it get me down.   This weekend though I felt like I was failing the band just like I'd failed at motherhood. I had a good 'ole pity party Saturday. After giving my house a good clean, I sat down and let it all out to the hubs and had a good cry, then a good nap. It helped to get it all out. It does seem like loosing weight and changing so many of my habits have an effect on my emotions. Just as everything else in my life, apprently this is going to be a roller coaster.   Please do berate me for my feelings and opinions, they are mine and I have a right to them. I am doing what I am suppose to and following my teams directions. I have lost weight, but for me the chaging of myself carries an emotional toll. I have been overweight since I was 6 years old. My habits started 25 years ago.   I suppose everyone needs to have a pity party every now and again or just a good cry, this weekend was mine.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Holiday Plan?

Christmas is almost here and most of us are in full swing party mode. I have been to 2 Christmas parties so far and was able to be good (one of them was easy because I hosted).   When I started the lapband journey I choose to do myfitnesspal and track my calories. However, this time of year that is difficult when eating away from your tried and trues. Some successul banders (CarolinaGirl - I had to call you out because you are doing great) are rocking it with just measuring out their cup of food.   So for the holiday season I am going to switch it up and go for the measure method. Christmas Eve I leave and head to my mom's in Southern VA to spend that day and the next with them. On Christmas day we will have around 50 family memeber at my moms and tons of food. We begin with Christmas breakfast with my parents, my hubs and me, my 2 brothers their wives and kids (which is 30 just in it self- one brother has 8 kids, nuts I know). My mom and I have gone over the menu and she has made sure there is band friendly foods.   I will open my band with coffee, black no additives. I will have A scramble egg with A peice of bacon and one tiny slice of my mom's creamcheese breakfast cake (I will not feel guilty this is made once a year and it is awesome).   The rest of the fam shows up for lunch - my mom's brother, sister, their spouses and kids and grandkids. This totals around 58 people (loud and crazy). Lunch will consist also of band friendly foods for me- my mom was nice. I will eat a little of my mom's yummy turkey casserole (turkey and green peas) and some pineapple from the fruit tray. No dessert for me, my mom again was nice and is making things I don't really like (cocanut cake - like eating finger nail- ugh).   I figure sticking to my plan will be easy since I will have all the kids around to distract me- I love playing with them. Even my niece and newphews who are teen still like to sit around and talk to me.   New Year's Eve with the friends - we will go late after dinner. I will have one glass of wine and that is it!!   So this is my holiday band plan- what's yours?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

1year and counting.....

Tomorrow I will have had George D. Band for one year. Luckily, I haven't had any problems. I have gotten about 6 fills and feel like I am in a good place. George is a little tempermental, tightening up whenever he wants to.   I have lost 57 lbs and counting. The first 6 months the weight came off with what seem of ease. Then the last 6 months it's slowed to almost nothing. I know, however, the slow down is my own fault.   When I began this journey in April 2012, I was excited and determined. I was banded June 22, 2012 and did everything that I was told. As time went by and the weight came off I started to become a little lax on following the rules- like a couple of extra bites here and there and eating more calories than I should. For a while I was getting on the elliptical daily or at the least every other day and getting 30 -45 min. Now my workout routine has become sporatic at best. Partly, the lack of exercise is because work has become very busy and life consuming since we are switching computer systems. Partly, I let the work outs slip because I just didn't want to do it, even though I knew I should.   The last month my weight has bounced between 187-190, basically the first 50 lbs fell off the last 7 have come about a pound a month.   I do follow the water thing religiously and I do not drink any type of carbonation. I have only had a couple of alcohol drink and they were mixed drinks, which is my preference anyway.   I have really started these last couple of weeks trying to get back on track and not allow myself a cheat. This isn't always easy, but it is something I must do. This time of year ice cream and iced coffee from McDonalds are deamons. I love these things during the summer months, so I am trying to avoid them.   I hope that I can rededicated my life to dear George and get him working like a champ again. I admit that I have not lived up to my end of the bargin, but George has agree to forgive me. However, George must be a little upset at me because for the last two days he has decided to tighten up to the point yogurt is my food of choice and it keeps me going for 4 hours. I wish he'd loosen up just a touch.   So to sum it up after a year of happy marriage to dear George D. Band we are still stitched together, just needing a little couple's therapy.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

2Nd Fill

I had my 2nd fill this afternoon. I am not at 4.5 cc's. I had only lost 5 lbs since my last visit, which my doctor said was good since I was basically doing it on my own. The doctor said that the scales can be deceptive, but she knows I am losing weight due to how much she is able to put in my band at one time. Thankfully I didn't pass out this time, she pushed the fluided very slowly this time as to not stimulate vagus nerve.   I am glad I took the step to get my band. This journey isn't always easy, it's not alway fun, but it is worth it. I am proud of myself for sticking to an exercise routine, for having will power to stop stuffing my face. I wish I would have to ahead and gotten my band 5 years ago when I first looked into it. I just hope that I did it soon enough to prevent any of the health problems I was heading towards.   One of the things I have learned now that I didn't know before is - food is still good, but it can be even better when you don't gorge yourself on it!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

The Water Works

I was told at the start of my journey to drink at the least 60 oz of water a day, but more would be better.   During the week I do great, drinking around 100 oz. Well guess what during the week my weight goes down!   On the weekends I am a slacker. The hubs and I don't have kids and take advantage of sleeping in on Saturday and Sunday mornings. We normally rise around 8-9 am verses our M-F routine of getting up at 5. We are not morning people and never have been. However, this getting up late wreaks havoc with my water intake.   I strictly follow my doctors rule of not drinking during or 30 min after a meal. I find this is a big help in not getting hungry so soon. When I don't get up until 8-9, I miss out on getting that extra time for fluids. On M-F I would have already downed about 60 oz. I tend to drink very little between dinner time and bed time for potty reasons, therefore, I don't drink as much as I should.   Looking back over my records for the past couple of months the pattern that I see is, my weight drops during the week and on the weekends rises. I believe this is for 2 reasons- 1-Friday night is my night off cooking (this was established at the on set of the relationship and I like it!) We eat out, but I choose as healthy as possible, but the sodium levels do tend to be high (read water retention) 2- Since I do not drink enough water on the weekends the water that is retained due to the upped sodium count is not flushed out.   The pattern clear shows that from Friday morning to Sunday morning my weight will go up about 2-3 lbs. By Tuesday morning my weight is back down lower than it was on Friday morning due to getting in all the extra water on Monday.   So, it looks like I must get better at the water on the weekends thing. But, this does clearly show me that my water intake as well as my sodium intake has a big effect on my weight.   This is my little scientifc experiment.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

190's

Last Friday was my 9 month anniversary with my band. My journey began last year about this time with the seminar and me trying to figure out if I was ready to make this step. I quickly decided that the band was best for me and began jumping through all the hoops to make it happen.   June 22,2012 was surgery day at 244 lbs!! The surgery went great and the following months were great. It seemed I was loosing between 5-7 lbs a month. In Dec. 2012 I was finally below the 200lb mark, my first big goal hit in 6 months.   3 months later and I am still sitting in the 190's and getting frustrated. I have toned some, which has gotten me in a size 14 summer clothes, which feels nice. Yet, I still keep jumping around in the 190's. Two weeks ago I saw the 190's for the first time, then it bounced right back up to 194. I saw it again last weekend, then boom back up to 193's where I was last week, yesterday 191, today back up 192.5.   My doctor says all this is normal. Plateaus are expected and we just have to keep moving to break them, it will just take time.   The only health issue that had begun to creep up on me before surgery was my blood pressure. Which has nicely come down and is now perfect. All other labs are perfect. I wear a size 14. Yet, I still want more.   I slide on my 14 shorts and my large T-shirt and I still see the big girl in the mirror. I know I am smaller, but I want more. My BMI still has me well into the obese range. I have to lose 30 more lbs to be in "just" the over weight zone. While the 1st 50 lbs came off realively easy, apparently the next 50 are going to come only by a tooth and nail fight.   I have spend the weekend being introspective, looking at myself and what I do and don't do. I must find a balance in my life that will get me to my goal and keep me there. I am not a lover of exercise, I'm just not. But, I do need to find more ways in my life to move more, which I have, but now I need to step it up even more.   I had been pretty much eating much of the same things as pre surgery (I was never as much an unhealthy eater as I was a big eater). Now, I think I must start looking at things that I can cut from my diet, such as cutting, at least, back on carbs. I do try and stick with healthy carbs, but hopefully my triming even those down I can get these next few lbs off.   This coming week will be a big test for me. The hubs and I are headed of to Disney for a week vacation. We both need a break from our jobs and in general life. While I am looking forward to the experience I know there will be a lot of food challenges. My doctor told me to try and not stress to much about it, that I would be burning a lot of calories moving around the parks and I would need more calories than normal. She said to remember to keep portion sizes low, make good choices and have fun.   I am hoping that the extra movement, the destressing and the trying to eat healthy will help slide me out of the 190's. I've spend 3 month's here and I am ready to leave.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
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