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Lapband Journey

Entries in this blog

 

A Life Worth Living.....

If you are anything like me your weight has held you back from enjoying many things.   Since childhood I avoided crowds, parties, public to hopefully avoid being picked on. The first time I ever traveled was when I was 22 years old. I went to New Orleans to see my cousin, my first time out of NC/VA and my first time on a plane. Since I have traveled to Vegas, Nashville, and California's Sierras. I love to travel, but some places I still wouldn't go due to my weight- beaches, warm places, where a bathing suit would be expected.   I also didn't go into fancy clothing stores, I just got my clothes at walmart. I was afraid of what the sales ladies would think of me walking in a upscale store.   Now, I have lost 45 lbs, I am 32 years old and I am sick and tired of not living due to my weight. So even though I have not reached my goal, I am going to LIVE!!!   I have always wanted to go to Disney and Seaworld, but never did due to the walking discomfort fear and all the people. Well, I booked the hubs and I a week trip to Disney for April. Mickey here we come!! I plan to do the things I have always wanted to do, not more holding back.   It's my time! I don't want to look back 40 years from now with regrets. I considered lapband 10 years ago, but didn't do it because my family wasn't supportive, I wish I would have told them on board or not I am doing it.   Next fall we are going back to Louisana (his family is there), maybe New York in the next year. No more holding back and waiting for xyz to take place. I am alive and here now, so I am going to LIVE!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

I believe, I beleive, I beleive.........

When we are little we believe that anything is possible-- santa can visit every house in one night, the tooth fairy brings us money for our teeth, the Easter bunny, ect. As little kids we see the world full of wonderful possibilities just waiting for us.   However, as we grow we begin to loose the rose colored glasses and become jaded by the reality of the world we live in. Happily ever after doesn't exist and things aren't always perfect- now I am not say things can't be good because they can be, but not every moment of every day and not every relationship is perfect all the time.   As a kid I never imagined I would become so large. I was so small until I turned 5. As I began to gain weight I would ask my mom sometimes why I was fat. She would just say I would grow out of it, after all my cousin did. I accepted that and went on. Well puberty came and went as did the teen years and I was still fat. I never grew out of it. What I didn't know is that my cousin put forth a great deal of effort in her preteens to shed the weight- all I knew was that she went from fat to skinny in what seemed like a summer and became a beautiful girl. That wasn't to be my story.   Now that I have admitted that I have a food problem and needed help, got banded and begun my journey- it is hard to belive I will ever reach my goal. The first 5 months the weight seemed to fly off 45 lbs- awesome, but now the loss has slowed almost plateaued and I find myself begining to worry that I may never reach my elusive dream weight (140).   I know that I should believe in myself, my band, my doctor and nutritionist, but it's hard when every other attempt I have made to loose weight has failed. Realistically I know it is different this time, I am not on a diet with a fixed end date, I am changing my life style one day at a time. I am making new habits, healthy ones that in time I hope will stick. Some things have been easy like giving up pop (soda), not drinking with meals, drinking water, even eating less at a meal. Some things though haven't been as easy, letting go of my salty snack of party mix (that stuff is addictive and it is my major weakness), not baking so I won't eat the sweets, not eating steak (just doesn't work well with my band).   Slowly, but surely I am making a change to a better way of life that in time hopefully will become habit. However, there is still that little voice of insecurity in the back of my head saying you won't do it, you will gain all that weight back, you are destine to be a fat girl forever (insert menacing laugh here)!! I fight every day to squash that voice and to believe that I will make it. After all I have lost 45 lbs and I am moving more and eating less.   So for now I am going to keep saying I believe in me, until I do!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Patience is not my virtue

My mother says I have never been very patient, I was even born a month early.   I believe the reason I have never been successful at weight loss was my lack of patience. Most of you can likely sympathize with working really hard to lose weight and after a couple weeks only a pound or half pound and finally you say forget it where is the pizza. This has been the case with me each time.   With the band it has been different. My bandversary is Dec. 22 and will be 6 months. As of right now I am 45 lbs down and feeling good. Of course I wish I was down more. I have tried to be realistic in these months and eat healthy, but not totally limit myself from things I love, because I know that isn't possible to do forever. Therefore, I will highly restrict myself with things that I know aren't the best for me.   For the last two months though my weight loss has slowed. Last month I only lost 2 lbs and so far this month only 2. I have started back working out and counting my calories to make sure I am using more calories than I am taking in.   At one point I had a goal of getting to the 160's by April 1st. My husband and I are taking a trip to Disney, I've never been and my husband hasn't since he was a kid, so we are excited to get away. However, it's Dec. 13th and I am sitting at 199, which is great - finally below 200- but I do not thing it is possible loose 40 lbs in 4 months or rather possible for me. My first month I lost 20 lbs, after that it slowed and my best month since was 8 lbs lost, which was Oct. I do not want to discourage myself my setting a goal that is likely unattainable. So, I have decided that I am going to stay on the lapband path taking one step at the time and I will reach my final goal of 140's when I do- it may be a year from now, but I will get there.   I must keep my motivation up and stay strong. During the holidays I must admit I am finding it harder that before. Last night I made 4 batches of snickerdoodle party mix- my hubby had a work Christmas party today and wanted me to make it. So, I made it. I sent him to work with half of it and I bagged up the remainder and gave it to coworkers as gifts - after all if they gain a weight it will just make me look smaller (evil I know- jk). I do not want to tempt myself with treats that are not healthy.   For once in my life I want to give my body what it needs rather than what it wants!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Difficulties through the Journey...

I think we all either have or will run into bumps in the lapband journey and we will all handle them in our own way.   I was banded June 22- the first week of Dec. I hit 199- Onederland- after starting at 244. The month of Nov. I only lost 2 lbs. and I fear Dec will be the same. My doctor says that isn't really a plateau and to not stress about it, easy for his 130 lbs runners body to say.   Granted, I haven't worked out must this last month. I have been busy with work (new system), getting ready for Christmas, Christmas parties and get togethers, and general household duties. I know there should be no excuses. However, when I get up at 5 am and and I don't stop going until 8:30 pm, that is all my body can give. As soon as my butt hits the chair I am asleep. Yesterday, it all caught up to me. Saturday night after our dinner party my head started hurting. I went to bed about 10 with it killing me. Woke of at midnight thinking I was going to have to go to the ER. I got some advil and took some. Woke up at 2 still killing me, but no worse. Again same thing at 5 and 6. I ended up not getting out of bed till noon. After that I felt groggy and like I'd been hit by a freight train. My hubs pointed out that maybe I needed the rest after running at such a rate for the last month and a half.   Today I am better, but frustrated. My weight is stalled in the 199-200 zone. I do weight daily, which I know many say don't do, but I track my trends. Since Dec. 2 my weight has been bouncing between 199.2 and 200.8. I have started back counting calories in the last week and my calorie counts daily stay between 1150 and 1300, most days closer to the 1200 mark. My fit bit says I am buring some where around 2000 calories a day so I should be losing around 1 lb a week at the least. But, I'm not. I am staying still.   I went to the doctor last week and it appears my thyroid is slightly off. I am going back this week to discuss meds. WTH- my thyroid wasn't off before surgery how the heck is it off now. No more than my thyroid is off my doctor says that shouldn't be causing a weight issue.   All this has gotten me down and frustrated and made all my fears resurface. Have I lost all I will loose? Am I destined to always be the fat chick? Can I do this? Am I failing my band? What am I doing wrong? Am I going to gain all my weight back?   I am freaking out right now. I want this so bad, but when I am doing what I suppose to (eating less moving more) and not losing I get so discouraged.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Addiction

I went to school for and hold a degree in addiction counseling. You would think someone who has taken these classes, learned ways to help clients cope and recover from addiction could herself fight her own addiction.   Just like the difficulty people have admitting they are addicted to drugs and alcohol I had difficulty admitting I was addicted to food. Just like people who abuse drugs and alcohol try to validate their addiction I have tried to validate mine. But, the truth is an addiction is an addiction and there is validation for it, it is a problem that must be overcome in order for us to become a better more effective person.   I have been over weight since I was 5 years old. Before that I was very thin and tiny- everyone always talked about how cute I was. Then the month before I started school the pounds started packing on. Apparently this was the start of my emotional eating and it never went away. As each year progressed my waist line expanded. By high school I was wearing size 22 jeans and was picked on all the time. My self esteem was low and I spent a lot of time alone- the only lead to more eating. I would frequently eat behind my families back so they wouldn't know how much I consumed and then tried to block it from my mind.   As a senior in high school I had an accident that required surgery and then months of physical therapy. During that time I lost weight- down to 201 and a size 18. I remained at that size until the last 2 years when my weight balloned up to 247 and I knew something had to change.   5 high school friends have had some type of weight loss surgery with varying degrees of success, but all have managed to loose weight and keep it off. I decided that maybe this is what I needed to get control of my addiction.   Likely if I could have controlled my addiction I could have lost weight without the surgery, but I couldn't. I was a slave to food.   June 22, 2012 I had my lapband put in. The first week was hell - I felt like crap the entire time. Once I was back on mushy food I started to feel better and gain energy back. I began working out and counting calories and did great. I really felt like I had things under control.   In October my Grandmother passed away after a long illness. She was one of my best friends and always someone I could count on. During that time I stopped counting calories due to being away from home, eating things I didn't prepare, and not being where I could get on the internet (my family lives deep in the country of Virgina) and I also stopped working out. When I got back home I though surely I had gained - well low and behold I had lost 3 lbs- WOW. In my screwed up mind this gave me permission to stop working out and counting calories. I know- WRONG thing to do. However, I have continue to lose steadily, but I know this is not a good way to do things. I do move more to burn more calories since getting my fitbit, but I know that can't take the place of the workouts I was doing.   This passed weekend I had my first of serveral Christmas parties. I did pretty well, I help my portions down and ate only two cookies (my mom's homemade Christmas cookies - they are small tea cakes). My BFF's mom brought her homemade party mix and gave me a bag to go home. Here is the problem, this party mix for me is like putting a bottle of beer in front of an alcoholic. I love it- so yummy. She gave me a gallon zip lock bag of it. I brought it home and told myself I would only eat one handful a day. Well, it's been 3 days and half the bag is gone. I screwed up!!!!!   The salt content alone in this stuff had increase my water retention- I have gained 3 lbs since Sunday- which isn't possible since I am not eating much. (the party mix has been my breakfast and my snacks) I feel like my face is puffy- I know I am retaining.   I feel like crap, I can't believe I allowed myself to fall back in to a pattern that is negative. There are so many awesome people on this site who have been so strong and wonderful since surgery and are kicking butt. Why the hell did I think I could allow myself to do this and not have a negitive consequence- insanity.   So, today, I am back on the game. I am going to be accountable to myself. Back to counting calories, back to the workouts, back to eating only what I need to live. The party mix as much as it pains me, but go to the garbage.   This morning, I have had a Slim fast protein shake (not bad 180 calories and 20 grams of protein and taste like a yohoo). To my suprise I drink it two hours ago and I am not hungry. Now that I have retriction maybe I can do the shakes for breakfast. This afternoon I will get on my elliptical for 30 min. I WILL get back on track. I will not allow insanity to set in.   To those of you who have been my support and encouraged me thank you and I am sorry for allowing my old ways to creep in. Thankfully, I didn't allow them to hang around long enough to do any major damage.   Today I admit that I am an addict and I can not do this alone. I must be accountable to myself and others.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Just Do It..... MOVE

I have touched on this before but I want to talk about it more.   I got a fitbit a few weeks ago and realized how lazy I was.   Since then I have tried to increase my steps and general movement daily to burn more calories and here is what I have done:   @ work I walk to other offices when I need to talk to someone rather than calling. I take the long way to the bathroom and break room to get my snacks or lunch. Instead of rolling my chair I get up and walk to get things in my office. I fidget- shake my legs, stand when on the phone   @ a store I park further away (ok unless it's raining- I don't like being wet) Walk as fast as I can between sections I need to go to or take the long way around the store.   @ home Again take the long way to the potty or kitchen We have our master on the first floor, but I go upstairs everyday to check it (I have pets) I work out when I have time (busy time of year- have gifts to wrap) When I sit down to watch a fav show (like NCIS) I pick up my hand weights and use them while I watch or during commercials. Dance around the kitchen while cooking (the hubs just loves this- I find him watching from the door laughing) Dance in the shower while washing my hair Pace when on the phone I park my car in the garage and walk back to the mail box rather than stopping at the mail box. Play with my dog (tug of war kills my arms - she is STRONG)     All these things add up to more calories burned and they put me in a better mood. I mean who won't laugh at themselves when they are dancing in the kitchen to Christmas carols or dancing in the shower. I feel better and am happier on the days I do these things.   We all can increase our movement in some way even if we can't workout. As you do more movement the easier it gets to move and the more you can do and it turns into a wonderful cycle.   So do it - MOVE!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Lapband Reality

I was banded June 22, 2012. I have lost 45 lbs, as of Sunday morning Dec. 2nd I have reached my first major goal- 199!!! Onederland!!! I can't believe it!   I had be stuck on 201 for most of November and felt like I would never get below 200. I had a fill on Thursday that I feel like got me to the green zone. My band had major restriction, I really have to pay attention to how I eat now. I don't get hungry often and it takes a cup or LESS to get me full- WOW!   When I hit 199 I was so excited, I got on the scales 5 or 6 times just to be sure. Yep, 199.2. This morning my husband ask me what my next major goal was, since this had been my goal since surgery. I was at a loss, in my dream I wanted to get to the 140's, but was never really sure I'd reach that. Now that I have hit my first major goal, my mind is reeling- where do I go from here. What is possible? I feel more confident now that the 140's is possible, but realistically it's far off, so my next goal is 175!   This journey isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. Having people tell me I look great. Finally being below 200, which I don't really remember being ever. I feel fairly sure I was childhood, but never during my teens was I below 200.   With my last feel getting me to retriction and my finally hitting 199 I am feeling renewed and motivated to kick this journey into the next gear.   Never in my life have I so enjoyed laying my fork down before my plate is clean- now that is a satisfied feeling!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Why The 'tude Dude?

I have been on this site for 5 months and have noticed that post can sometimes get a little heated. I sometime get heated - when someone tells me I am doing wrong.   Well, if I am doing wrong them it's because my surgeon told me to. I have met with and emailed my nutrtionist with every question I have had to make sure I am on track. I go to my surgeon monthly for a fill and discussion about my progress.   From June 22, 2012 until Dec. 2, 2012 I have gone from 244 lbs to 199! I have gone from wearing a 20/22 to a 14/16. Obviously, I am not do that much wrong because I am losing lbs and inches. I eat healthy, good foods - do I ever eat something that would be considered unhealthy- yes, but not daily and not even weekly. I talked it over with my doctor and nutritionist and both said do not totally deprive myself, but limit. Guess what I want to lose so I limit!!!! When I am dying for a cupcake when I am pmsing I go get ONE cupcake and eat it- no more, some times it's only 2 bits and the hubs finishes it. It took my craving away and did not drive me to ruin.   I appreciate all the hard core banders who can preach ya da ya da is the end all be all and if you aren't living banded this way then you are wrong. I am sorry, but get off your high hourse and build a bridge, if you are not a bariatric specialist then do not tell me how I should live banded life. When I answer questions I answer from my perspective, from what my doctor has told me, I do not tell people they must take my advice I just put it out there rather than trying to choke them on it.   I have an excellent line of communication going with my team doctors (family doc and surgeon) and my nutritionist to make sure I am doing what I am suppose to and getting the right result in a healthy way. Last month I hit a plateau and didn't move for a month. My surgeon sat me down and told me to calm down, the month before I had lost 8lbs, he said likely my body was taking a break, that unless the plateau last 3 months to just breath and stick to the plan. Well in a few days I was headed down and hit 199.   Bottom line is we are all on a journey, each journey will present with different pot holes, curves and hills - it is up to us to seek guidance from our professional team to know how we need to navaigate those issues. On here people need support and need to know how your journey is going - the way you got around your curve may be different from who someone else gets around theres.   Tough love is needed- if a person admits to eating crap and gaining the yes it is there fault they are gaining. But until the facts are known please do not just down a person throat.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Puff The Magic Dragon

Sunday I finally saw something I had been waiting years to see....199.2 on the scale. I was so excited to finally be below the 200 mark, which I am sure most of you can understand. Flash forward to this morning 201.8 - the wonderful water weight gain.   When I woke up this morning I knew instantly I was retaining. My eyes and face were puffy, my hands felt tight. According to by BC pill pack next week is my TOM. Even though I haven't had a period since surgery (no, not pregnant) I still have the water weight gain and the wonderful moods.   Right now I ache, my back hurts, my face hurts - how in the world did I manage to pack on that much water over night? By band is NOT happy about this- I barely got my special K down this morning. Frankly, I am getting reflux from my water this morning. So it's all liquids today until this water gets out of me.   Anyone got any ideas how to flush the water out aside from fluid pills? I don't like being Puff the not so magic dragon.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Mommy Why.........

If you have ever been around a kid for more than 5 min I am sure you have heard them say why at least twice. I was always the kid who ask why, it just does never worked on me, drove my mom nuts!   Well I am still like that, I always want to know why. Since having surgery I am reading about nutrition and fitness all the time, to find out how and why my body works with food.   One article I read said a calorie is a calorie and should be counted, while yes that is true, it isn't the whole picture. We all have heard and been told 200 calories from chicken is better than 200 calories of ice cream. But why is that if a calorie is a calorie?   Well here is what I have figured out..... We need our protein and fiber- it helps us stay full longer. Some say hey ice cream has protein- I'll eat that, but that is where we need to know more.   One of the best things I have learned is I can make my food work for me!! How awesome is that!   When we eat foods high in protein, fiber and complex carbs our bodies must work harder to digest them, therefore, our bodies will will burn more calories digesting them. While I guess I knew this, it never really dinged until I read an article about that.   When I did WW years ago things like fruit and veggies were hardly any points, yet they do have calories. However, your body must work harder to digest them therefore their calorie counts are almost null and in the case of veggies like Celery it is null.   So now what do I do with this information.....   Well, I am all about what I eat working for me rather than sticking to my hips. I am upping my fiber, making sure the carbs I take in are complex, and making sure I get my recommended protein in. I can still eat yummy food and things I love and lose weight. Yes, I will have to adjust.   I highly recommend going to your favorite resturants website and looking at the nutrition part. Some like Wendy's and Burger King you can adjust the meal to see what calorie counts would be. It is amazing what just leaving off cheese or mayo can do for lowering the calories. Now I AM NOT saying eat fast food daily, but what I am saying is if you are craving that whopper - go get it, but adjust it- leave off the mayo, cheese and pickle and the calorie count will come down nicely.   We (I) got to be obese by eating what I wanted and not paying attention to what I was putting in my body, but with a little nutrition knowlege we and ADJUST ourselves and our food to work for us.   Holding up my water bottle..... Here's to Success!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Wow, How Lazy Was I?

I always a fairly active person. I would go to work, if I needed to talk to someone in my building I walked to them instead of calling. I came home and stayed moving until after dinner. I thought I did good.   Well......   My MIL came over Thanksgiving and one of my gifts was a Fitbit One. After figuring out how to use the little sucker I realized- damn I've been lazy. The first day I was shocked at the results. That is all the calories burned, that is all the steps I took, that is my active score- WTH.   Since the first day with it I have found myself looking for ways to increase steps- I park further away from stores, between projects at work I get up and walk around the office circle. I stand up and sit down to get things rather than rolling my chair, I stand and pace while on the phone- all of these things helped me increase my steps and calories burned. I know you may think oh just a little bit won't matter, but hey gotta start somewhere and every calorie burned is not going to hang on my hips. It has really opened my eyes to reality.   Reality- I think that is something each of us in order to be successful need to find - the reality of who we are.   We got fat by not thinking, mindlessly eating crap. Now that we have a tool inside of us, it's time to be realistic. You can fail the band- you can drink milkshakes other high cal things and gain or you can be realistic and look at what you are actually putting in your body. I love food, we all do that is why we got here, but the reality of it we can still eat good food and lose weight.   Yesterday I went for my 5th fill and saw the doctor who operated on me (normally I see his wondeful assistant- also a surgeon). He looked at my band under floro gave me a little fill and told me this may do it- get me to the green zone. He said everything looked perfect and I was doing great. Well today, I know I got that fill. I am tight, but not to much, it's just right. A cup full of food is either perfect or to much. There is no way in hell I can over eat when eating real food (not sliders) with out tossing it all back up.   This is a great feeling. I feel motivated and encouraged after being down about my plateau. Plus I finally dropped below 201 this morning after being at that for a month- 200.6 - 7 oz until ONDERLAND!!!   Basically, what I am saying is, we ALL can do this, we ALL CAN lose weight, but we must be realistic with ourselves and our support group (family, doctors, nutritionist). We must make a choice to do what is right- to eat healthy.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Plateau Hell

October was an awesome month for me in the weight loss department, I lost 8 lbs. Since the first week in November I have been on a dang gone plateau, and it sucks!!! My weight has bounced since that week between 202.6 and 201.4. My goal had been to hit 199 by Thanksgiving and obviously that didn't happen.   I did indulge one day and allowed myself 2000 calories on Thanksgiving day, which was still below the amount I burned that day. Lunch was followed by a nap and then a 4 mile family hike. I totally don't feel guilty about allowing myself that once, as long as it doesn't become habit. Some of you may berate me for that, but we all have to do what works for us.   Other than the family hike on Thanksgiving I haven't been exercising per say. I have been working! I get up get into the office by 6:45 work until 3, go home or run errons, then go home clean, do laundry, cook dinner - deal with the creatures (2 dogs, 2 cats). We have stuff going on every weekend that takes us out of town or brings family to our home. When I cook I make my recipes as healthy as possible. I feel like I am going crazy though staying busy all the time. Sunday after my in-laws left I passed out on the couch and took a 3 hour nap, I was exhausted.   Is my tiredness playing into the platuea? Is my lack of working out causing? I have no idea what the cause is, but I know it sucks.   Tomorrow I return to my doctor for a fill, likely with my head tucked between my knees. When I left last time, my doctor smiled and said I will see you in November and below 200 and I failed!   I know that my inches have gone down because my clothes are fitting differently, my 16's are fitting a little looser and my 14's are pefect. But, weight is what is the main measure of success.   I know I shouldn't just look at the weight, but it's hard not to. I am so very close to onederland. When I started this journey the thought of getting below 200 was a dream, now that I am so close it almost seem unattainable.   Am I meant to always be the fat girl? Is my body against me and refusing to drop the fat? I don't know, but I do know that this plateau is making it very hard to stay motivated.   Hopefully, the weight will start to move again soon and in the right direction.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

All About The Fit......

My mother in law and sister in law came be spend Thanksgiving with my husband and I. My mother-in-law had called last week and said she wanted to take me shopping to get some clothes that fit. Considering she has never done anything for me in the 5 years I have been with her son, I was shocked.   On Friday us girls decided to hit the mall about 5pm. Being a big girl I have always gotten clothes from Walmart, Belk, place like that where I could hit a sale and get them cheap. Like it really matters what you put on a hippo- it's still a hippo- that is how I felt.   Well my SIL said I need to go to Talbots. I had never been there. When we walked in they were busy and the sales girl was so helpful. My MIL told her I had lost 50 lbs and needed some clothes and that price wasn't an option- WOW. She told me to find something nice. The sales girl said she herself had lost 100 lbs in the last few years and she knew what I was going through- she looks like a stick now, amazing transformation. She was helpful picking out clothes that I would have never before tried.   By the time I finished I had one pair of pants and 3 tops. The pants were Women's Petite 14- WOW, I never remember wearing a 14. The clothes fit me perfect, like they were made for my body.   What a difference the right cut and fit can make. I looked at myself in the mirror and was able to smile and was happy with how I looked- wow. Feeling like you look good does give you confidence and a spunk in your step.   The next day I wore one of my new outfits and my hubs was like wow you look hot. I was so excited. With that and the new earrings my MIL purchased for me at Swarski crystals I felt like I was Julia Roberts in the Pretty Women except for the hooker thing.   I will be visting that Talbots again for sure!!!   Anyone who lives near Raleigh, NC - I totally recommend going to Talbots at Southpoint Mall- awesome staff!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

The Root Of Evil......

The root of evil many time is boredom, and that seems to be the case in being over weight sometimes to. We eat when we don't have anything else to do.   I always knew I tended to be more hungry when I was bored- like I would bake when I didn't have anything else to do at home. Then I would eat what I made.   Today I was awaken at 5 am by my puppy. By 5:30am I had finished my breakfast (1 cup of Special K with a 1/2 cup of 2% milk) and was getting ready to go to work. I got to work at 6:40 and jumped right in to a busy day. I was crazy busy all morning. The next thing I know I see people walking passed the conference room with food. I looked up and realized it was Noon. Holy crap, I worked right through snack time. I had gone 6.5 hours with out food!   This made me realize a lot of my morning hunger has got to be head hunger and not true hunger.   Once I got to thinking about it I realized I was hungry and I went and heated my lunch and ate.   Now I am back at my desk trying not to start any big projects, as we are out the next three days, and I am floored that I lasted that long.   I know in past times on days that I am really busy I tend not to get hungry and don't eat much. At home when I stay busy doing something, no matter if I am cleaning or working on a project my husband has to remind me it's time to eat.   So the bottom line for me is bordem = fat! I have got to find a way to keep my self busy so food is not a priority.   Food certainly does play mind games with ya!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Right Here, Right Now.......

I think all of us tend to look way down the road. Oh, how long will it take me to get to 100lbs lost, when will I be skinny, ect. Sometimes these thought hender us from reaching our goals. The job just seems to big to conquer. Instead we should set smaller goals for ourselves and celebrate each one, then when we reach the big one it won't feel like it's taken so long.   When I first had surgery, my first goal was to be below 220 (started at 244), then it was 210, now the next one is 200. My goal had been to reach 199 by Thanksgiving. This morning I weighed in at 201.4. So I may not make it quite to goal, but I will get there. All total I would like to be 100 lbs down in one year. But, I know me, if I think oh 100 lbs it will seem like way to much to accomplish, but when I take it in 10 lbs blocks it seem easier.   The last few weeks I have been sitting at a plateau, my weight bouncing between 202.8 and 201.8, today I saw 201.4, so hopefully the downward trend will continue. This frustrated me so much that I wouldn't make my first goal. My thought was here we go, the begining of my utter failure (yes I can be dramatic at times- I am a chick- sue me). My hubs had to get stern with me and tell me to get over it. I have been doing great and I just need to stick to the plan like always and in time the weight would start moving down again. He keeps reminding me that I only start to fail when I admit failure.   So today, I will not admit to failure. I am still trucking along and will continue. I will get through Thanksgiving and not feel like a stuffed turkey and I will enjoy the bites that I do have. I will continue to lose weight, at my bodies pace.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Down And Out

So I am pretty down at the moment. Last month I kicked butt - lost 8lbs. This month 1 so far. I am stuck at 201. I know that for the last week I am eaten a little more than normal, but still well below my BMR. I know I only have myself to blame so I should just shut up and get back on the program.   With Thanksgiving coming and me cooking it, I hope that I can be good. I am really an addict. I see all the wonderful food and I want it. I have got to get back in touch with my control. I was so gun ho at the get go, but now I am falling down. Life has gotten busy and I am rushing trying to prep for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have something scheduled every single weekend from now until mid-Jan. I don't make time to excercise because I am going from before the sun rises until my head hits the pillow at night. Hadn't even had time to have "play" time with the hubs in 2 weeks until he finally said last night you gotta stop I just need a little time- so I stopped at 8:30 and spent and hour with him, feel kinda bad I feel asleep on his should.   I know this journey is all about me and I have got to take ownership of it, it is my responsibility to do what is required to make the band a success. The thing of it is that I have never had a lot of confidence in myself so I always have that fear in the back of my head that I will fail.   Today when I get home I have to go to the attic and get out all the christmas stuff - since Thanksgiving with the in-laws is both Thanksgiving and Christmas we are decorating. This is going to be a long couple of months!!!   Any encouragement would be appreciate!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Hi Ho Off To The Potty I Go.......

I am doing what I was told and DRINKING!! I drink any where from 80-100 oz of water a day and I seem to live to potty. I swear my co-worker must think I have an over active bladder. Unfortunately my bosses office is right across from the woman bathroom and I am afraid he will say something about me going to the bathroom every 20-30 min.   Do you have this problem?   However, now that I have started drinking this much a day, if I go a day and drink less (like a busy weekend day) I feel thirsty. I know it's good to rid my body of the bad stuff, but geez I feel like I have to go pee as soon as I get into anything.     To another topic-- My weight has stalled out for 2 weeks in the 201-202 range. It is my week for my TOM, but no bleeding- only cramps. I do weigh everyday (chill it's ok- I do not let this bug me- I look at patterns not the day it's self) and each day I am getting any where from 201.6 to 202.4 and I weigh at the same time of day each day with the same thing on. I have had this happen before so I know it will get better, however, I had made a goal for myself to be below 200 by Thanksgiving and I am so freaking close.   The last few days in prep for the holiday I have been steaming/shampooing my carpets rather than working out. I work all day then come home and start working on my carpets. I have a 3000 sq ft house and 2 dogs (one is a puppy), 2 cats and a husband. I gotta get back to the normal workout, but I also have to have my house ready for the invasion of in-laws (which I am happy about). Then this weekend the hubs wants to deck the halls since this will be our Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family.   Oh well, pray for me all I will need it!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Ever Evolving Process......

Thanksgiving day will be my 5 month band anniversary. As of today I have lost 43 lbs. I feel good and feel that I have been pretty successful. This hasn't been the easiest journey, but hasn't been as difficult as I once imagined.   I struggle with hunger at times and am in an ever evolving mode of searching for new healthy food options. I love finding tasty new ideas that are healthy. I have found a tasty stir-fry that both the hubs and I love that uses chicken breast, onions, 2 cloves of garlic and a bag of bird eye steam fresh asian medley veggies- so yummy with just a touch of low sodium soy sauce, a sprinkle of ginger, and a dash of red pepper flakes for heat.   Breakfast has become a struggle since I don't do mornings and can't drink protein shakes (makes me sick- I am odd I know). Some bandsters on here said to try a boiled egg or oatmeal- which I will be trying over the next couple of days. Gotta come up with something that will feel me up and not let me get so hungry before lunch.   Each time I go in for a feel and as I lose more weight things change and evolve regarding what works and doesn't work. At the start bread was no issue for me, however now, bread gets stuck, I guess that is because of the band being tighter. Whole wheat thin toast works ok. All meat use to be ok, but now if it is the slightest bit tough and I mean slightest I can't do it- just as well spit it out (I know gross). I have had to learn to brush a touch of olive oil over my chicken breast prior to baking so they are tender and juicy and that works great.   I am learning not to be so picky. As time goes on, I can eat so little at one time that I have gotten over being picky about what I have for a meal. If I have some left over veggies and can sprinkle some WW cheese on it heat them up and call it a meal. Before I would have had to have a full course.   I suppose everything is an evolution, I evolved into a fat person over years of over eating, not I am going the other way. I guess a slow steady evololution is the best way to go, which is what the band is helping with.   As this journey continues, I wonder what else will change? I wonder what I will learn to eat and what I will learn I don't want any part of?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Truth Be Told.....

We (me) lie to ourselves a lot.   I stayed in deniel over my weight for way to long. Thinking, oh, I'm not really that big. I just avoided pictures and mirrors. If I do see it's not there, right?   Due to my weight though I over compensated in a lot of areas. I was that annoying sibling who did everything my parents wanted. I made good grades, I worked, I was honest with my parents and I never got in trouble - honestly. This drove my brothers crazy. But, a lot of the reason for this was I wasn't popular. I didn't want to go to parties and stay out late because I had no self confidense.   As an adult I am pretty much a stickler for the rules at work and every where else. My weight has been out of control so I wanted to control everything else in my life.   Once I admitted, yes I am over weight, and yes I disgust myself with the rolls, I decided to do something about it. I was scared to begin with of not being successful. After all I got fat because I loved the taste of food- real food - not junk. I talked to my doctor and told him my fears, he ask if I really wanted to lose weight- I said yes. If anything were possible what would be the best way for you to loose- I thought well food not having calories would be nice- but realistically it was for me to eat less of what I was already eating. I already ate lots of veggies, healthy grains, fruit, and lean meats - I had already made that change years ago. I can't even tell you the last time I ate little debbie- never really liked them. He told me that he could help with that - the band would help me eat less.   Now, truth be told, 4.5 months post op, 43 lbs gone, this has not been as hard as I expected. Do I have hard days, heck yeah, but looking over the entire 4 months, once I got past the first 2, it's been pretty great. I don't miss soda, I don't miss the large quantity of food. I do not miss the size 22's. I don't miss anypart of my old life- nothing. Rather than filling like a stuffed cow after a meal I feel good, comfortable. It doesn't take much for it to kick in now that I have had enough since I got restriction. Once that hits I honestly believe if I ate another bite I would be sick- I haven't pushed that, but I feel that way. I hit that point at a cup of food. Left overs abound at my house now and I realize just how much I was eating.   We all say WLS is hard, it's not easy, it's not the easy way out and it's not. However, this is alot easier than continuing to live the way I was - fat and miserable! It's a lot easier to put down that fork now than it was before. It's a lot easier to say nope don't want that now that it was 5 months ago. 5 months ago I would go for any food at any time- now unless I'm hungry I don't want it. My daily craving is water - seriously- I drink 80-100 oz now, I am thirsty.   Anyway- this is just my rant- how do you feel about your journey- has it been easy or has it been hell?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

5
 

Judgement

Judgment sucks!!   I think we all have felt we are always judged reguarding out weight. My issues started when my doctor as a kid was a health nut and was always telling me I was a fatty. I would go in with step throat and he would spend the entire time harping on my weight. Bottom line is - we feel judged at work, in stores and at resturants for out weight. Sometimes I think we are judged, but sometimes I think it's just our own negitive feelings toward ourselves.   Today I was reading some blogs and post that talked about WLS. In some of them I felt judged because of how hard core people are. However, are they really talking to me or are they just talking about themselves?   All of choose WLS for a particular reason and we are either being successful or not. Here is the kicker - success doesn't come the same for everyone!! Some people preach a certain way- no carb, low carb, certain exercises, calorie counting, weighing daily, not weighing at home at all, ect.   I have found success in counting calories and doing cardio with light weight training. I still eat carbs and foods I love just less of them. I have lost 43 lbs in a little over 4 months. I think that is successful considering I started at 244. My percentage of weight loss is better, according to my doctor, than many at my same place. This is what has worked for me, will it work for you, I have no idea, maybe, maybe not.   I refuse to judge people- whatever way you find success I say AWESOME- keep it up. Also, share what made you a success- some will find your way works for them, some will find my way works. We are all different and if we reap different success ideas from people we can build our own success plan.   Also, if you are having a bad day and need to whine or b#@$#, or complain do it. I am willing to listen because unless you are lying to yourself or unless you are on drugs you occasionally have a bad day and need to vent to someone. While I am being successful there are days when I get down in the dumps and worry or stress and I NEED people to be understanding instead of saying shut the h@@@ up and either do what your suppose to or not. While yes, I need to stick to my success plan I also need compassion and not judgement.   Now if you are complaining every day that the band is not working and you are downing milkshakes like water then you don't have anyone to blame, but yourself. And you need to be told that.   This site has been both positive and negitive in my life- I have found support and also found judgement. Sometimes I seek advise or hope that some will comment to something I have said and I get nothing and yes I feel ignored when there are others out there with their band buddies who get lots of comments and support. However, is that just me feeling due to my self impression that people are excluding me.   I must learn to be my judge and advocate and cheerleader. I need to look at myself realistically and kick myself in the butt when I need it and also give myself a pat on the back when I deserve it.   Today I am choosing to not look to others for affirmation or pats on the back, but look to myself. I must learn to find joy in my success and find answers in my failures.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

My New Little Girl

This is my new doggie, Molly. She is a Shephard Corgi mix. She joins our 11 year old Greyhound, 11 year old Bengal Cat, and a 4 year old Bengal Cat. All are rescues! Now our fur family is complete- 2 of each.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Choices

This last month has been a wild ride.   I started off with the goal of working out daily and eating no more than 1200 calories a day no matter what. The first two weeks I did well and stuck to it even though the scales really didn't move much.   Then my grandmother passed away. Not only was I faced with lots of emotion (we were extremely close- she was my friend as well as grandma) and tons of food that wasn't the best foods for me. Being that I was away from home for 5 days in the deep country- finding better food options really weren't possible. I attempted to make the best choices of what I had, but still felt like I was going way over my 1200 allowed calories even though I wasn't counting (no access to my apps).   When I returned home from the services, I had a sore throat which balloned into a horrible head cold and then broncitis.   So 2 weeks of no excercise and not eating the best in the world, but drinking water and SF hot tea like crazy. I thought for sure that when I went in for my fill my weight would be up and they wouldn't give me a fill. Low and behold - I had the best month since month 1. I lost 8 lbs!   My weight is at 202, just 3 lbs from my first major goal- onederland! I did get another fill and an agressive one at that. My doctor is super excited and said for where I started most patients don't hit this point until month 6-8, so she is very happy.   Maybe I could increase my weight loss more by cutting out carbs and such, but what I am doing now is sustainable. I am still eating the foods I love (pizza and pasta's) just eating far less of it than I did at one point. I use to think my metabolism was really low because I didn't eat that much so it had to be screwed up for me to weight that much- well I was in denial. I was gorging at times. Food consumed my life rather than fueling it. That has changed - I eat what I like, I am just mindful about how much and how bad it is.   I choose to make better choices and that has made all the difference!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Fear Of Shopping

I don't know if any of you have had this, but I just realized I am scared to go out shopping for new clothes.   I had surgery in June and have lost 41 lbs, I feel good and many of my clothes are way to big, but some fit really great now. I have gotten to the point I only have 1 pair of jean that don't fall off and I need to go shopping, but I am scared. I have never had a problem going out in public or shopping before- I love to go out and about.   What scares me is trying on clothes. I know some of my clothes I have had to take to good will, but others still fit well. I am scared I will go pick up a pair of jeans and go try them on and they won't fit. I haven't purchased jeans in 2 years. I am scared the ones I had stretched and I will find I am not down as many sizes as I would like to be and that it will discourage me. When I had surgery I had gotten to the point that all the clothes in my closet were getting snug and I refused to go up a size. It's such a mental thing. I want some new things, but I HATE trying on clothes.   I know I am smaller, my husband tells me everyday that I am doing great and he is loving my new hour glass shape minus the bumps and lumps. But I still have a long ways to go. 41 lbs down, but 60 plus to go to be at goal. It's not that I am afraid I'm not going to get there, it's just that I don't want to shop yet and see myself in those 360 mirrors. I know I have to, it's getting cold and I must get some long pants that don't sag.   Hopefully, I will get the courage this weekend to make the trek.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

In A Funk

My weight is still going down, it was up this weekend a bit, but I was taking a lot of cold meds and drinking liquids constantly. This morning I was back down to my 203. I know I am doing well and the weight is still trending down. Up until the last couple weeks I was an avid calorie counter and exercised 3-5 days a week. Since my Grandmother passed away on the 17th and life has been crazy with the services, family from other states visiting and then my catching a killer cold that lead to Bronchitis, I have been in a funk and totally not into counting calories and can't work out because of the bronchits (can barely breath).   Being like this scares me. I am afraid that if I become lax now my weight will go back up and I will lose what I have worked so hard for. Yeah, I know my Grandma wouldn't want me to do that. But, it's not just losing her it's everything that has happened in the last 2 weeks. I am exhausted all I want to do is sleep. I don't believe I am depressed (already on Paxil) I think it's just the being sick and not getting enough oxygen from clogged airways. I can't afford to miss work so I am working every day and going home to the couch. I am eating basically whatever is fast and easy to fix because I am to tired to do much else.   I gotta get out of this, I want don't want to fail myself or my band.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Alternate Reality

I almost feel like I have been living in an alternate reality since I began my journey in May. Once I decided I wanted to have lapband surgery I jumped in with both feet and committed myself to doing it. I got a doctors appointment, set up all the pre-op appointments, got scheduled for sugery and had it done June 22nd.   Since surgery I have been busy with work and home stuff and then my Grandmother passed away. I feel like time has flown by. I thought I did terrible when my Grandmother died because I ate food that I don't normally eat (fried chicken), granted I didn't eat 3 pieces like I would have at one time, I ate one and didn't eat desert because my band wouldn't allow me to over eat. I still figured I had gained a couple of pounds over that weekend. The day before I left to go up to meet with the family I was 206 that was on a Wed. I returned home on the next week and on Wed of the next week I was at 203 - WOW- I didn't gain I lost! The only thing I can figure is I was drinking water all the time, rather than snacking I was walking around with a cup of water in my hand so I drank that instead of picking at the endless amount of food.   I can't believe I have lost 40 lbs in 4 months. In 4 months life has changed a lot. I am eating differently, I am feeling better, I am more focused, I wear smaller clothes, I think differently- I could go on. I know with out surgery I would likely be sitting about 250-260 right now and miserable, instead I am close to Onederland and feeling good. Even though I lost a dear loved one, I am handling it better because of the band. I was down for a little me and ate some things I shouldn't have, but I got back on the wagon, started counting calories again and moving forward.   I feel like fat clouded my life for years- it put my mind in a haze and I am coming out now. I hope my drive and clear mind continue and I can get to my goal of losing 100 lbs or a little more I want to know what life is like on the other side- the healthy side.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
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