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Lapband Journey

Entries in this blog

 

Right Here, Right Now.......

I think all of us tend to look way down the road. Oh, how long will it take me to get to 100lbs lost, when will I be skinny, ect. Sometimes these thought hender us from reaching our goals. The job just seems to big to conquer. Instead we should set smaller goals for ourselves and celebrate each one, then when we reach the big one it won't feel like it's taken so long.   When I first had surgery, my first goal was to be below 220 (started at 244), then it was 210, now the next one is 200. My goal had been to reach 199 by Thanksgiving. This morning I weighed in at 201.4. So I may not make it quite to goal, but I will get there. All total I would like to be 100 lbs down in one year. But, I know me, if I think oh 100 lbs it will seem like way to much to accomplish, but when I take it in 10 lbs blocks it seem easier.   The last few weeks I have been sitting at a plateau, my weight bouncing between 202.8 and 201.8, today I saw 201.4, so hopefully the downward trend will continue. This frustrated me so much that I wouldn't make my first goal. My thought was here we go, the begining of my utter failure (yes I can be dramatic at times- I am a chick- sue me). My hubs had to get stern with me and tell me to get over it. I have been doing great and I just need to stick to the plan like always and in time the weight would start moving down again. He keeps reminding me that I only start to fail when I admit failure.   So today, I will not admit to failure. I am still trucking along and will continue. I will get through Thanksgiving and not feel like a stuffed turkey and I will enjoy the bites that I do have. I will continue to lose weight, at my bodies pace.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Battle

At the start of this journey in June 2012 I was excited and ready to go. I was determined that I was going to be a big looser. Next week I will be 8 months out and I have only lost 50 lbs.   I really did think I would lose more in this time. Even though my doc seems happy enough I am still frustrated. When I went in for a fill last week my weight was up 1 lb from what it was at the prior visit- total bummer. Even though just days earlier I had seen the lowest weight ever on the scales (193) since that my weight in 2 days jumped to 197 then drop right back down to 194- had to be water weight right? Well for the last week and a half my weight has been bouncing from the 193's to the 195's each morning (I weight the same time of day in the same thing so it is constant). I am not over eating, I am not eating calorie loaded things, I have a calorie deficit each day. Right now I am not working out because I have felt like crap from having sinus issues.   The hubs keeps telling me it's because I'm not working out. While I know I could find the time to fit it in, it is hard. I am tired, really tired by the time I finish all my have to's for the day. I am taking my C, D and B vitamins that my doctor perscribed.   While I know plateaus are normal course, I hate that it happend so early in the game. I have told many people you don't fail until you stop trying. I am still trying, but it is so hard to stay positive.   While I feel like I am in a green zone. 1 cup can totally hold me for 4-5 hours and even then I am not starved. My doc said not to miss meals so I have to set a timer on my phone to remind me it's time to eat. I am starting to feel like that is all I do.   Breakfast at 6 (Oatmeal) Snack 10:00 (greek yogurt) Lunch 12-1 depends on what is going on at work What depends on what we had the night before. ~Snack - 4 ish depends on what I had for lunch- if I am really not hungry I just can't make myself eat Dinner- 5:30 to 6:30 depending on when the hubs gets home   I am feeling like I am damed if I do and damed if I don't.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

All About The Fit......

My mother in law and sister in law came be spend Thanksgiving with my husband and I. My mother-in-law had called last week and said she wanted to take me shopping to get some clothes that fit. Considering she has never done anything for me in the 5 years I have been with her son, I was shocked.   On Friday us girls decided to hit the mall about 5pm. Being a big girl I have always gotten clothes from Walmart, Belk, place like that where I could hit a sale and get them cheap. Like it really matters what you put on a hippo- it's still a hippo- that is how I felt.   Well my SIL said I need to go to Talbots. I had never been there. When we walked in they were busy and the sales girl was so helpful. My MIL told her I had lost 50 lbs and needed some clothes and that price wasn't an option- WOW. She told me to find something nice. The sales girl said she herself had lost 100 lbs in the last few years and she knew what I was going through- she looks like a stick now, amazing transformation. She was helpful picking out clothes that I would have never before tried.   By the time I finished I had one pair of pants and 3 tops. The pants were Women's Petite 14- WOW, I never remember wearing a 14. The clothes fit me perfect, like they were made for my body.   What a difference the right cut and fit can make. I looked at myself in the mirror and was able to smile and was happy with how I looked- wow. Feeling like you look good does give you confidence and a spunk in your step.   The next day I wore one of my new outfits and my hubs was like wow you look hot. I was so excited. With that and the new earrings my MIL purchased for me at Swarski crystals I felt like I was Julia Roberts in the Pretty Women except for the hooker thing.   I will be visting that Talbots again for sure!!!   Anyone who lives near Raleigh, NC - I totally recommend going to Talbots at Southpoint Mall- awesome staff!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Embarrishment

When my hubs ask his mom what her Mother's Day/Birthday Wish was, her answer was come up and see me.   My MIL lives in Ohio and we see her about once, sometimes twice a year. She is a sweet little lady and I want to make her happy. But, with my insane work issues these days, it has been hard for the hubs and I to set a date to go. Which seemed to make the MIL very sad, but she didn't say anything.   After some time and getting some training dates and such I figured out when I could manage to get a few days off work. So last night we called her and told her we were looking at the weekend of July 27th and wanted to make sure that would work for her. She was elated and said that she would make it okay, if that was the only time it would work for us. So date said, headed north that weekend.   My MIL cheerfully continued to talk a bit and ask how much had I lost now. I turned red faced! When she was here in November she took me shopping for new clothes, at that time I had lost right at 50 lbs. Now it is 6 months later and I am only 8 more lbs down. So I lied a touch- I told her I was down 60 lbs and I am only down 58- so not to bad. My MIL had a friend who lost 100 lbs in a year. I am afraid she is going to be disappointed when she sees me.   I know it shouldn't bother me and I should be happy with the results so far, but I want her to see me as a success not a failure.   For some odd reason I always feel a need to impress my MIL. When I first started see my hubs it took her a long time to warm up to me. I am 7 almost 8 years younger than my honey. While she didn't say anything to him, she ask mutual friends if they thought I was just going for him for his money or if I really love him. Of course that was a LOL because I had seen his bank statement and if I was in it for money I would have quickly broken up with him. Anyway, she was still not getting the warm and fuzzys when we married, she told me on our wedding day - "make my son happy and don't leave him". Her tone was one of if you hurt him I will hurt you! My husband's first wife walked out on him just said she didn't love him maybe never did. He was messed up from this for a while.   When I got pregnant the MIL was all of a sudden so happy that I was in his life. After all I was going to give her a grandbaby. Then we had to call her a few weeks later and tell her we had lost the baby- this killed me - I hated to hear the disappointment in her voice, but she was very sweet to me. Since that time she and I have gotten along very well.   All I want to do is please her, which is nuts. Hopefully, getting on the Vit D will help my weight start heading down- maybe I will be at the 60 mark by July! I hope so.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Where'd My Second Chin Go?

I just looked at myself in the mirror- really looked at myself. I realized my face is much smaller as is my neck and my double chin has disappeared. My husband keeps telling me I am looking great, but I just fail to see it. I know I am smaller because the scales and my clothes show it, but when I look in the mirror I still feel large.   Will I ever be able to let go of being the fat gir? Will I ever feel like I am small enough? I am 5'2 and to start with I want to be around 170, but now I have changed that to 135 ish. But, will that be enough once I reach it. I am not sure how I will feel at that point and I know I should worry about, but it's a thought in my head.   I love the fact that I am 38 lbs smaller than when I began- even though it's taken 4 months to get there. It feels slow, but my average is 8 lbs a month which isn't bad.   I wish I had a magic mirror that could show me what I will look like in a year. But would that motivate me to continue or would it allow me to become complacent and stop being so tight with myself.   I don't think any of us have the answers to all these questions, we are all just living our own banded life each day- which varies from person to person.   For today I am happy to look at my smiling face in the mirror and now see a second chin or my eye lids dropping down - my face is tighter and cuter and for today that is going to be my joy.   Onward and downward in our case! LOL!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

UP, Down, All Around

I wonder when the mind games end, boy I hope they do end.   I know that we all have a problem when figuring out portion sizes, which is why measuring and weighing is so helpful.   But, what about our body.   My weight has bounced for months now. Up 2 lbs, down three, up 2, down 1, up 2, down 4- you get the picture. I slowly dropped from 199 in Dec. to the lowest I have seen 188 in May. I am currently doing the bounce thing still.   I haven't had a fill since Feb and have an appointment for one next week. My meals are no longer holding me 4 hours.   Any way with all the up down of the scale, what does that say for how I look? I look in the mirror and I see that my face is smaller, as is my body, but I still feel HUGE! I slide on one pair of 14 shorts and they fit perfect, then slide on another pair and they are loose.   Last night I went out for a Walk/Run with the hubs and 2 dogs. As I slipped on my 12/14 gym shorts that fit perfectly (last year they were like a 2nd skin), my sports bra and my old outer banks t-shirt. I realized that my boobs stick out further than my tummy now. I clearly see my feet.   All this is great, but I still feel like a walking Shamoo Show.   I am just getting so frustrated with all of it. It is like this process has become all consuming. Everything is about my band and my weight loss.   The doc said last time I have been successful, but I am still so big. I mean 188 is a lot less than 244, but still it's a long ways from the 125 the charts say I should be.   I by no means believe I will ever hit 125, but I would like to see the upper 130's- and low 140's. But, that is still 40+ pounds away.   I begin to wonder will I ever make it.   I am still very fatigued, which my OB/GYN attributes to my extremely low Vit D level, my mildly down B levels and my mildly low iron levels. I am currently work toward getting these up with insane regiment of pills.   Maybe, once my level get back in the homeostatic range with weight loss will continue.   Any one else feel like this sometimes?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Compairsons

It is in our human nature to compare one thing to the other. We do it from the time we are kids- remember with siblings- he got more than me thing. We start compairing early.   By the time we reach school age we are compairing clothes, looks, ect with our classmates. And you always hear he's/she's not as cute as xyz. Then we begin compairing ourselves to others- her hair is prettier than mine, she has more friends than me, she has nicer clothes, ect. Our self esteems are molded some what by these compairsons.   I know for certian mine were. I have always felt like the ugly duckling. I have been large since 5 years old. In school I was picked on and it got worse in middle school. I hated being fat, but all that hate just drove me to the nearest donut, which intern made me fater.   Now that I am taking control of my life and have had lapband and am losing weight, the compairsons do not end. Chances are all of us have compared our self to another member of this forum- either boy I am glad I am not them they aren't losing much weight- or - it's not fair she is losing more weight than me. It's just in our nature.   I have compared myself to others several times and gotten down and out. Some people are really rocking it.   I talked to my nutritionist about this and she had some great throughts. 1- Body weight percentage has to been taken into account- those with more to lose will lose quicker. 2- Life style - some people have jobs that are more active than others and we can't control that- most of us need to work and have to do what we do. Some people can't due to health reason work out where others can. 3- Muscle mass- some people scale wise appear to not be losing, but are losing fat because they are working out and building muscle that weighes more than fat- this is a great thing because the more muscle you have the more fat your burn. 4- responsiblity- it is sometimes our own fault when we aren't losing- we CHOOSE to eat high calorie foods that just slide down, we CHOOSE not to be active, we CHOOSE not to follow doctors orders   This conversation with my nutritionist made me feel better. She said that when I compair myself to another person I need to look at these things. If I am doing everything I am suppose to do then I have no need to belittle myself. The bottom line is at the end of each month the scale trend in going down, therefore I am successful for me!   I hope that I can stop compairing myself to others, but if I happen to I will take these things into account before I let the bad thoughts drive me to a mouth full of krispy creme.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Lapband Reality

I was banded June 22, 2012. I have lost 45 lbs, as of Sunday morning Dec. 2nd I have reached my first major goal- 199!!! Onederland!!! I can't believe it!   I had be stuck on 201 for most of November and felt like I would never get below 200. I had a fill on Thursday that I feel like got me to the green zone. My band had major restriction, I really have to pay attention to how I eat now. I don't get hungry often and it takes a cup or LESS to get me full- WOW!   When I hit 199 I was so excited, I got on the scales 5 or 6 times just to be sure. Yep, 199.2. This morning my husband ask me what my next major goal was, since this had been my goal since surgery. I was at a loss, in my dream I wanted to get to the 140's, but was never really sure I'd reach that. Now that I have hit my first major goal, my mind is reeling- where do I go from here. What is possible? I feel more confident now that the 140's is possible, but realistically it's far off, so my next goal is 175!   This journey isn't always easy, but it is always worth it. Having people tell me I look great. Finally being below 200, which I don't really remember being ever. I feel fairly sure I was childhood, but never during my teens was I below 200.   With my last feel getting me to retriction and my finally hitting 199 I am feeling renewed and motivated to kick this journey into the next gear.   Never in my life have I so enjoyed laying my fork down before my plate is clean- now that is a satisfied feeling!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Picture Painted

Ok, I just went in for my 1 year post-op. June 22 will be my one year, but due to scheduling I went early.   Good news- I have lost 60 lbs since pre-op. I was down 7 lbs from my last fill in Feb (even though it doesn't feel like it). Every thing looks great- had floro fill done.   I would like to share a few things my doc stressed to me while I was there that painted a good picture of how life should be now....   1- I MUST see him at least once a year for a floro check of my band, to make sure I am not having any problems.   2- Eat 5 meals a day. This will keep my metabolism going and give me enough calories.   3- Eat only a cup at a time. His picture was: you use to have a 4 lane highway, now you have a one lane pig path- no more tractor trailers.   4- Small bites. A bite is the size of a peanut M&M and only 3 per min.   5- Sips of water. A sip is half a cough syrup cup - again only 3 per min.   6- Protein first then fiber.   Going in today I kinda felt like I did at the start of the journey, excited and waiting to get going. Not sure why I lost that fire before, but glad I found it again.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Alternatives

I having been looking for alternatives for things I love that will be healthier and here are somethings I have found:   Spagetti Squash instead of pasta. You can cook it in the mircowave and then stread with a fork and you have pasta, with LESS carbs. Plus it's really tasty.   Couscous instead of rice. I do eat brown rice sometimes, but I get tired of it. Some times I want something that taste good and decatant, but won't kill the "diet". If you use a little olive oil in a sauce pan, heat it up add a chopped onion and 3-4 garlic cloves. Cook until the onions are done, add 1 cup of water and bring to a boil. Once it is boling take it off the heat add one cup of coucous and let it sit. Once it as sat about 4 min, take a fork and fluff- add a little parm cheese for a little extra something. While couscous does have carbs it also had more protein and fiber. If you get stuck on rice, you likely won't get stuck on this because the grains are so fine.   Veggie chip instead of potato chips. I make my own chips. I purchased a Pampered Chef chip maker. I use zucchini, yellow squash, sweet potato, apples to make my own chips. Plus I can season like I want using less salt. You can make a bunch and put in plastic bags and save for later.   Greek yogurt instead of sour cream in recipes. There is a slight difference, but you like will not notice. I use the 0% Fage.   Bullion instead of oil in veggies. If you are from the south, your mama likely put a little grease in her veggies (like steamed cabbage or string beans). To perk of the flavor just add a teaspoon of beef bullion to veggies. This will give you flavor and all the salt you'll want.   Fruit parfait rather than a sundae. When I want a dessert type food this is my go to. Cut up one large strawberry in the bottom of a bowl top with a Table spoon of Fage 0% greek yogurt, put a few blue berries on top. Sprinkle a teaspoon or organic granola or flax seed on top. Another good treat is to cut a fresh peach in half, place on a hot grill and flip about 2 min later cook 2 more min, remove top with a small spoon of greek yogurt- this is really yummy.   These are just a few I have found- what healthy swaps have you found?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Gotta Get Back With It....

My life has been a roller coaster since April. My brother had a stroke at 44 that gave me the push to have lapband. I had surgery in June. My Grandmother is on hospice and on her death bed and last night my brother had a heart attack. I have been trying to work this week since school just went back I don't want to take off, but trying to access from a distance if I need to go home and be with my mom with my grandmother getting worse. I was planning on getting up this morning and heading up for the weekend, but my mom called early to tell me my brother had a heart attack during the night and was in Duke in Cardiac ICU. So instead of heading to mom's I headed the 40 min to Duke Hospital to see my brother.   It is so hard to eat well and excercise when being down and being on the go. I spent the day at Duke and in morning I plan to drive up to my parents (1.5 hours away) to check on Grams and mom since my brother seems stable. I am to tired and down to want to work out and I want to go back to my comfort foods, but I know I can't. I ate way to many calories yesterday and today and feel bloated and like crap - I have got to get back into the grove tomorrow. The first of the week I was doing great and then all the "stuff" started, it time to get it back on it.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Puff The Magic Dragon

Sunday I finally saw something I had been waiting years to see....199.2 on the scale. I was so excited to finally be below the 200 mark, which I am sure most of you can understand. Flash forward to this morning 201.8 - the wonderful water weight gain.   When I woke up this morning I knew instantly I was retaining. My eyes and face were puffy, my hands felt tight. According to by BC pill pack next week is my TOM. Even though I haven't had a period since surgery (no, not pregnant) I still have the water weight gain and the wonderful moods.   Right now I ache, my back hurts, my face hurts - how in the world did I manage to pack on that much water over night? By band is NOT happy about this- I barely got my special K down this morning. Frankly, I am getting reflux from my water this morning. So it's all liquids today until this water gets out of me.   Anyone got any ideas how to flush the water out aside from fluid pills? I don't like being Puff the not so magic dragon.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Love / Hate

I think most of us have had a love hate relationship with something- our cell phone, our job, heck even our spouse.   It is also easy to have a love hate relationship with the band. I do love mine, don't get me wrong, but some times that little plastic makes my life hell. For instand on my vacay, I ended up being stuck most of the trip, I couldn't eat much of anything. Sometimes eating slow is a problem especially when you are busy or in meeting- a quick bite gets you stuck quick.   However, because of my band I have learned so much. I am eating better foods. Yesterday when I hit WallyWorld for grocery day I noticed as I was placing my groceries on the checkout how my buying has changed. I buy very little from the interior of the store- the highly processed, sodium rich, high cal foods. Most of what is in my cart is water, water packs, yogurt, milk fresh meats, frozen and fresh veggies. I like this change.   Due to the change of what I am eating I feel better, I breath better, I move better, basically I am better. So my relationship with my band is way more love than hate.   It is so easy to get frustrated on this journey and blame our band and say we hate it, or it's not working, but before we say that we need to ask ourself are we working it. You car can't get you any where unless you drive it, you band won't get you to goal unless you work it. Yes, you can have bump ups and your car might even break down - but you must fix it and keep on truckin.   Everything including our band journey is a process. The band plays it's role, we must play ours, our doctor has theirs, and our nutrtionist has theirs. All the players must do their part or the journey gets off course.   Are you doing your part?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Listen Up!!!

Even though we all know we should, many of us fail to listen to what our docs and NUTs have to say; some in major ways, some in small.   Now in the major ways I always listen to my doctor, I am to afraid not to. I do not want complications. But, in small ways, I fail at times.   For instance, in March I went to see my doc for my 9 month check up. We discussed how I was doing- good, felt good, not getting hungry, eating 3 meals a day. I track calories in and I track by my fitbit how many calories I use- I showed the doc. During all this I was complaining that my weight loss seems to have slowed almost to a stop. After reviewing my intake and calorie burn (1200-1300 calories - 2100 to 2200 calories out), the PA said I wasn't eating enough.   Now I have been over weight since I was 5 years old. Never have I been told I wasn't eating enough. I was terrified that this would cause me to regain some of what I'd lost, but I tried for a few days, a couple more pounds came off. Then I was headed out on vacation. The hubs and I went to Florida for a week and took in Disney and Sea World. During this time I was also on my monthly cycle. My band was really tight and I had a really hard time eating, even yogurt was a struggle in the morning. I was burning close to 3000 calories a day due to all the walking. When I return my weight was up 4 lbs - WTH, I hardly ate? I figured some was salt intake and apparently that was true. In a week of being back on schedule I was back down to pretrip weight. This week since being really back to normal I have increase my protein intake and started eating snacks as my doctor recommended. All week I have stayed at the 190 weight. Each day I have eaten a snack of 1 weight watchers cheese stick and about 12 grapes (if I didn't want grapes I ate half of an apple). I found this was a tasty snack and I never got hungry, always kept a satisfied feeling.   This morning my weight dropped to 189.8!! Ok, this is big to me. Okay TMI I know, but I haven't gone number 2 in 3 days. So being that I haven't really pottied well and my weight went down make me feel really good.   Maybe I should listen and heed instead of just hearing every little tid bit the doc says!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Looking Foward

I went home, to my home church, for Homecoming yesterday. The pastor spoke on being sucessful. He said in order to be a success at anything we have to admit our issues, deal with them and let them go- you can't look back and forward at the same time. Sometimes, I admit I hold on to the past to much.   At 186 I still see myself at 240. It's hard to admit that I look pretty good now, because if I do I might slip up and go backward. My weight loss has stopped since summer, I have stayed in the 186-189 range. With stress, the NUT says that is good. I haven't gained- true, but I haven't lost either.   I realize the definition of insanity, is continuing to do the same thing and expecting a different result. I do make better choices when it comes to my diet, but not the best choices. With the band I physically can not eat the amount I use to, but I don't always chose the healtiest option. I must get better at this. I know that exercise can make a huge difference, but I have yet to really settle into a work out routine. The occasional workout is BS. I walk a couple times a week and I work in the yard at least one day a week. Yes, I stay busy, most of the time. But, I know after I finish the dishes at night- I need to do something physical instead of getting my shower and crashing in front of the boob tube.   Right now, I am not having issues with eating to much at the time, but to much over all. While I am not diabetic, my body is having trouble keeping my sugar levels regulated. I pretty much have to eat every 2 hours or risk getting shakey and passing out. It doesn't seem to have a bearing on what I eat. Last week, I got really bad off. I started talking out of my head- my sugar was in the 30's. A friend of mine just moved back here and she is a ER doc- she finally just got a Twix bar and made me eat it. It still took about 30 min for me to come totally out of it. I have got to see an endocranologist for test, but can't get an appointment until Dec. So until then I must eat something every 2 hours. So I have my phone set to go off- Even during the night I have hard candy by my bed to eat one when I go potty- this ensures when I do get up I can function. This totally sucks and I know it has nothing to do with my band, but still make things difficult.   Work has been rough for a few months now and it isn't getting better, so with everything going on it really gets me down in the dumps. My husband is great encouragement, but he is busy to with his two jobs.   I know I must now get back to basics and teach my self yet a new routine, so my body gets what it needs, not to much, but enough and timed so I can keep everything in balance.   I must look forward- I can't ask myself why, how, or whine about the circumstances I find myself in- I must look forward, develop a new plan of action and empliment.   Any of you have issue like this that can offer advice?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

$1000 Milk Shake- NO WAY

The one thing I can say that is different about my food thinking is- I am a great deal more concious of what I eat and drink. Before I take something in, I often times will ask is it worth the calorie cost. The answer on many things is NOPE. This morning I was craving an Iced Mocha Latte from McDonalds- well the calorie cost isn't that high for the one I order (around 250), but to me it still was not worth it.   There was a day a day when if it tasted good I ate it, heck sometimes if it didn't taste good I'd eat it anyway. How sad is that? Now if I eat one bite and it's not appealing I am done- why waste the calories on something that isn't good. I would eat at meals like I'd never eat again, with the thought that the next meal I'd take it easy on- did I- no. Sometimes even now I find those old thoughts creaping up in my brain and I have to shake it off.   Now I am in a quest to find food that taste amazing and cost less in the calorie department. This isn't always easy to do. Last night I fixed homemade Chicken Alfredo with brocollini. For the pasta- spagetti squah, which is amazing, if you like paste I challenge you to try this- it is so easy to cook in the microwave. I made my own alfredo sauce that had no butter and was made with 2% milk rather than heavy cream. The chicken was boneless skinless chicken breast cut into bite size peices. Tossed a little brocolini florets in for color and add texture. It was awesome- so didn't feel like I was giving up anything. Just savored each bite.   I believe that if we were as concious with our calorie cost as we are with money cost there would be a lot less fat folk- I know I would be. So I try each day to look at my calorie count that way- is it worth the cost or not. Is it worth that extra pound I will see on the scale. You know what, there are times when it is worth it- but most of the time it isn't. If we live in this mind set it makes letting go of those calorie bombs not so difficult. For me sometimes, it makes thing taste less awesome, if I know it is loaded.   So, a challenge to us all- equate calories to dollars- is a milkshake worth $1000- NOPE
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Patience is not my virtue

My mother says I have never been very patient, I was even born a month early.   I believe the reason I have never been successful at weight loss was my lack of patience. Most of you can likely sympathize with working really hard to lose weight and after a couple weeks only a pound or half pound and finally you say forget it where is the pizza. This has been the case with me each time.   With the band it has been different. My bandversary is Dec. 22 and will be 6 months. As of right now I am 45 lbs down and feeling good. Of course I wish I was down more. I have tried to be realistic in these months and eat healthy, but not totally limit myself from things I love, because I know that isn't possible to do forever. Therefore, I will highly restrict myself with things that I know aren't the best for me.   For the last two months though my weight loss has slowed. Last month I only lost 2 lbs and so far this month only 2. I have started back working out and counting my calories to make sure I am using more calories than I am taking in.   At one point I had a goal of getting to the 160's by April 1st. My husband and I are taking a trip to Disney, I've never been and my husband hasn't since he was a kid, so we are excited to get away. However, it's Dec. 13th and I am sitting at 199, which is great - finally below 200- but I do not thing it is possible loose 40 lbs in 4 months or rather possible for me. My first month I lost 20 lbs, after that it slowed and my best month since was 8 lbs lost, which was Oct. I do not want to discourage myself my setting a goal that is likely unattainable. So, I have decided that I am going to stay on the lapband path taking one step at the time and I will reach my final goal of 140's when I do- it may be a year from now, but I will get there.   I must keep my motivation up and stay strong. During the holidays I must admit I am finding it harder that before. Last night I made 4 batches of snickerdoodle party mix- my hubby had a work Christmas party today and wanted me to make it. So, I made it. I sent him to work with half of it and I bagged up the remainder and gave it to coworkers as gifts - after all if they gain a weight it will just make me look smaller (evil I know- jk). I do not want to tempt myself with treats that are not healthy.   For once in my life I want to give my body what it needs rather than what it wants!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Fat Day

It's a week before my TOM, so maybe that is why I am feeling this way, but ugghhh!   I got up this morning like any other, weighed after potting, 190.8! Geez, how, I am following the rules. I want my 189 back or lower!!   Moving on with the morning routine, I put my clothes on and go to fix my hair. I had on a sleeveless top (I had a shirt to go over top that I would put on before leaving), as I am doing my hair. I lift my arms up to begin curling- OMG!!!!! My arms, OMG- they are huge, that is what a thigh should look like not my arm and the hubs says my arms are smaller- OMG!!! How big were they? Then my eye drop down- I fail to see any of the postives that have come with losing 50+- I only see the remaining fat rolls! I see how my tummy still pouches, my back fat- UGH- I am a huge fat hippo!! I feel like having surgery did nothing for me- ok I realize that isn't true, but I am in full pitty party mode. I have only lost 54 lbs in 10 months- I am a failure - others have lost so much more. Why didn't I have bypass, then maybe I would be smaller now. I am sick of getting stuck at meals! My pitty party was in full swing.   I wasn't just thinking all this the hubs was sleepily listening. Finally, when I turned and said if I am this freaking huge now, just how big was I really before I lost the weight. At that point the hubs just said I love you and you are beautiful to me and turn and walked out!! He knew there was no talking to me at that point, I was firmly in the mode. As most men can relate, when a woman is in this mode there is nothing a man can say and not get in trouble for, so it is best to be quiet- my husband know this all to well.   Now a few hours later I am at work, still down, but not total pity party. I am just in the mode of ok, this sucks I want to lose more, I am tired of this being so slow, so what do I do now.   As much as I do not want to add a more rigourous exercise routine to my plan, I think that is the next step I need to do. Also, trimming carbs even more- I dont' like this, but if it helps and get me to where I want/need to be then I gotta get with it.   So tonight after work- I do have the push mow the lawn (I actually do enjoy this- gives me time to think while doing something productive that has a postive result I can see when I am done). I am also going to have a talk with the hubs, I am going to need support from him to kick it into the next level. He has always been supportive and loving and I know he will be this time to.   So how many of you have pity party days, where you still feel like a beached whale?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Shut up and Listen!!

I know that is a bold statement, but not doing this is what got me to 250 and not doing this will make me gain weight back.   Yesterday was Father's Day and I went up to see my dad. I ordered a nice cake with a pic of him and his tractor on it and we got him a new Tab computer for a gift. He was so happy. I am a Daddy's Girl, so I love bringing a smile to his face. My brother's came, my mom had gotten chips and icecream to go with the cake. So we snacked. I got a small piece of cake with one scoop of ice cream. I ate about 3 bits of cake and got the hicups. At first I wanted to ignore them, but then I realized, wait that is my single to stop. My body is saying ok, we tasted this, now we are done- put the darn cake down.   This is when I can either continue eating or put it down. I ate another couple of bites and tossed the remainder.   I learned something in this. My body knows what it is suppose to do, but I over rule it sometimes and this is what lead to my original weight gain. If I just shut up and listen to my band/tummy it will tell me what I need to know. If I ignore it, not only will I gain weight, or not lose, I will increase my chance for complication with my band.   Soooo- if you are choosing to ignore your body, to ignore your band, to ignore your doctor, who do you have to blame for lack of weight loss or weight gain- YOURSELF. I know that may sound harsh, but it's true. I haven't lost as much as I wish I had, and you know whose fault it is - it's not Dr. Yoo's or my band's- it's Kim's!!! I have to own it.   Food is awesome, it taste wonderful. One of the great things about the band is- no I can't eat as much, but if I eat the way I am suppose to, slow and chew slow I can enjoy, savor, taste, really get the joy out of what I am eating. Think about it when you scarf something down, do you really taste all the flavors, do you taste the layers, the goodness, all the hard work put into making the dish - nope.   Enjoy food- slow down and take the time to savor. When you body says ok enough listen. Then when you body says ok, I need nutrition- eat.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Sweet Success!!

I had my 9 month post op yesterday (one week before my actual 9th month - 22nd). My doc was very happy. We determined I did not need a fill at this time and I am in the elusive sweet spot. However, she did tell me that as I contiue to lose I may need a tweak here and there.   I questioned the fact that I feel like my weight loss as almost come to a stop. I was at one point losing 7 lbs a month, from Dec. until now I have only lost 7. This makes me feel like I am failing. I was told that this is totally common. Almost every bander in the 1st year will hit a 3-4 month spell were the weight loss is almost at a stand still, but just keep doing what we are suppose to and the weight loss will start again.   The next bit of encouragement came when I told her I felt like I wasn't doing as well as other banders. I was told that at 9 months post op I have lost 50% of my excess body weight. Doctor consider patients successful if at 1 year they have lost 40% so I am above the curve and they consider me an exordiary success. This made me feel great.   Then the discussion turned to continue loss. I told her I was burning around 2100-2300 calories a day, according to my fitbit and walking around 7000-10000 steps a day. She said this was awesome. But, I needed to keep in mind that at this point my daily calorie deficit should only be 500 calories. If I was at a deficit of more than 500 the body would store.   I told her that in a couple weeks I was flying to Florida for a week Disney Vacay and I ask about flying effects on the band. I was told that a small percent of patient experience tightness when flying, but most of the time it is only mild and they can still get liquid down and it disapates within 12 hours. To my surprise she said while at Disney not to refuse to enjoy eating. To stick to my alloted amounts, but to enjoy. The fact that I will be burning a lot of calories walking around Disney, I will need the increased calorie intake. So enjoy within reason.   I totally love my medical team!! They continue to encourage me. The best thing she told me was that I was the type patient that makes her want to come to work each day. She has patient who refuse to do what they are told from the get go they will have to do and they aren't successful and blame the team. But, the fact that I am doing great and have taken the time to understand my band and body makes what she does worth it. This was a nice compliment.   I am so glad I went through with being banded and I am very thankful for the wonderful medical team I have. Biggest advice- Chose a medical team who you feel comfortable with and who is experienced with bands.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Judgement

Judgment sucks!!   I think we all have felt we are always judged reguarding out weight. My issues started when my doctor as a kid was a health nut and was always telling me I was a fatty. I would go in with step throat and he would spend the entire time harping on my weight. Bottom line is - we feel judged at work, in stores and at resturants for out weight. Sometimes I think we are judged, but sometimes I think it's just our own negitive feelings toward ourselves.   Today I was reading some blogs and post that talked about WLS. In some of them I felt judged because of how hard core people are. However, are they really talking to me or are they just talking about themselves?   All of choose WLS for a particular reason and we are either being successful or not. Here is the kicker - success doesn't come the same for everyone!! Some people preach a certain way- no carb, low carb, certain exercises, calorie counting, weighing daily, not weighing at home at all, ect.   I have found success in counting calories and doing cardio with light weight training. I still eat carbs and foods I love just less of them. I have lost 43 lbs in a little over 4 months. I think that is successful considering I started at 244. My percentage of weight loss is better, according to my doctor, than many at my same place. This is what has worked for me, will it work for you, I have no idea, maybe, maybe not.   I refuse to judge people- whatever way you find success I say AWESOME- keep it up. Also, share what made you a success- some will find your way works for them, some will find my way works. We are all different and if we reap different success ideas from people we can build our own success plan.   Also, if you are having a bad day and need to whine or b#@$#, or complain do it. I am willing to listen because unless you are lying to yourself or unless you are on drugs you occasionally have a bad day and need to vent to someone. While I am being successful there are days when I get down in the dumps and worry or stress and I NEED people to be understanding instead of saying shut the h@@@ up and either do what your suppose to or not. While yes, I need to stick to my success plan I also need compassion and not judgement.   Now if you are complaining every day that the band is not working and you are downing milkshakes like water then you don't have anyone to blame, but yourself. And you need to be told that.   This site has been both positive and negitive in my life- I have found support and also found judgement. Sometimes I seek advise or hope that some will comment to something I have said and I get nothing and yes I feel ignored when there are others out there with their band buddies who get lots of comments and support. However, is that just me feeling due to my self impression that people are excluding me.   I must learn to be my judge and advocate and cheerleader. I need to look at myself realistically and kick myself in the butt when I need it and also give myself a pat on the back when I deserve it.   Today I am choosing to not look to others for affirmation or pats on the back, but look to myself. I must learn to find joy in my success and find answers in my failures.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Nature's Dinner

Having planted my own little urban garden this year, I have been enjoying natures bounty. I have spaghetti squash, yellow squash, zucchini squash, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, and sweet bell peppers. So I have had lots of veggies to cook. So the following are some meals I have prepared with natures goodies:   Spaghetti Squash Garlic Alfredo I cook the squash in the microwave, which takes just a little bit. I make my own garlic alfredo using garlic cloves, olive oil, 2% milk and flour. It's yummy and far less calories than the store bought kind. Sprinkle a touch of parm on top- yummy.   Veggie frittata Saute zucchini, cherry tomatoes, onions, peppers add beaten egg and a dash of 2% milk - sprinkle with a touch of monteray jack cheese and it's a yummy meal that reheats wonderful.   Grilled Squash Sliced squash tossed in a touch of olive oil, salt and pepper and place on a grill tray and grilled till tender enjoy or sprinkle with a touch of parm cheese.   Spaghetti Squash and Veggies Cook Squash in the microwave Touch of olive oil- sauté onion, peppers, cherry tomatoes, squash- salt, pepper to taste, dash of lemon juice. Toss with squash- sprinkle with parm cheese.   These are just a few things I have done in the last few weeks - it's nice to eat out of my own garden. I know it's organic, I know it's fresh, and it is soooo good!    
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Ever Evolving Process......

Thanksgiving day will be my 5 month band anniversary. As of today I have lost 43 lbs. I feel good and feel that I have been pretty successful. This hasn't been the easiest journey, but hasn't been as difficult as I once imagined.   I struggle with hunger at times and am in an ever evolving mode of searching for new healthy food options. I love finding tasty new ideas that are healthy. I have found a tasty stir-fry that both the hubs and I love that uses chicken breast, onions, 2 cloves of garlic and a bag of bird eye steam fresh asian medley veggies- so yummy with just a touch of low sodium soy sauce, a sprinkle of ginger, and a dash of red pepper flakes for heat.   Breakfast has become a struggle since I don't do mornings and can't drink protein shakes (makes me sick- I am odd I know). Some bandsters on here said to try a boiled egg or oatmeal- which I will be trying over the next couple of days. Gotta come up with something that will feel me up and not let me get so hungry before lunch.   Each time I go in for a feel and as I lose more weight things change and evolve regarding what works and doesn't work. At the start bread was no issue for me, however now, bread gets stuck, I guess that is because of the band being tighter. Whole wheat thin toast works ok. All meat use to be ok, but now if it is the slightest bit tough and I mean slightest I can't do it- just as well spit it out (I know gross). I have had to learn to brush a touch of olive oil over my chicken breast prior to baking so they are tender and juicy and that works great.   I am learning not to be so picky. As time goes on, I can eat so little at one time that I have gotten over being picky about what I have for a meal. If I have some left over veggies and can sprinkle some WW cheese on it heat them up and call it a meal. Before I would have had to have a full course.   I suppose everything is an evolution, I evolved into a fat person over years of over eating, not I am going the other way. I guess a slow steady evololution is the best way to go, which is what the band is helping with.   As this journey continues, I wonder what else will change? I wonder what I will learn to eat and what I will learn I don't want any part of?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

There is help out there....

It's been 6 months since my lapband surgery and my life has chaged. I have lost 49 pounds (244 to 195), I feel better, my asthma is better, my blood pressure is perfect, I have gone down 2 sizes (20/22 to a 14/16). I feel more aware of my life, I am more aware of what goes into my body. I eat better less processed foods, I don't have the GI issues I use to have because of it. When I walk into the mall, a resturant, a store, even work I don't feel as huge as I use to.   Friday I went to the grocery store and then today the hubs and I went out to Best Buy. I see women and men walking around looking like they are in pain being so large, riding the carts and I so want to be like an evangelist and tell them there is help. You can lose that weight that is holding you back. Most people would take offense to that though, but it's true.   I so wish I would have taken step years ago to do this and get control of my life. I as so thankful that I had the surgery now rather than waiting until I hit 300 or 400 or more pounds because that is were I was headed. I am 5'2 and at 244 I was already looking as big around as I was tall any more weight would have been horrid on me. I realized last spring that if I didn't do something then that my Christmas I would likely be seeing 300 on the scales, it was time to take control.   While I haven't been the perfect patient I haven't been the worst either. I still eat carbs, I still eat some processed stuff, I still eat pizza- I just eat much less. The hubs and I use to order a large pizza and an order of breadsticks and eat it all in one sitting. Now we order 1 small pizza and on occassion have left overs. When I use to cook rice I'd cook 2 cups now I cook 1/2 cup and still have some left. Food last a lot longer in our house.   The thing a lot of people who fail at any weight loss surgery fail to realize is that the surgery it's self will not make you lose weight. If you want to you can eat around the band (slidders) or stretch your stomach back with the other surgeries. A commitment must be made to make a change in eating habits and follow through it.   Just last weekend I saw a lady who had gastric bypass 3 years ago, to begin with she lost 100 lbs, now she has gain that back plus some. She said the surgery was useless and that it doesn't help. But, the large plate of food and the half of a 2 liter I saw her consume that night showed me why she failed. She refused to commit to the process. She either wasn't ready or didn't understand her what her part was in the process.   I am ready, I am committed to the process. While I may not be perfect, I will eat less and move more forever more. I want to succeed. I am proud of the 49 lbs I have said goodbye to and I will not see them again. I am committed, I want this.   Weight loss surgery isn't for everyone, it's only for the committed!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Spinach and Onion Fritata

This was an awesome dinner. It comes in about 250 calories a serving with 16.5 grams of protein.   Ingrediant:   1 large potatoe sliced thinly (you many not use all of it) 1 large onion diced 2 teaspoons of garlic minced 1 box of frozen defrosted and drained chopped spinach 4 eggs 1 cup of skim milk 1/4 cup of sh. cheese salt and pepper to taste 3 table spoons olive oil   Heat oven to 350 - place a cookie sheet inside   Slice potatoes evenly and thinly - coat with 1 TBS of olive oil - dash of salt and pepper Remove cookie sheet from oven and place a layer of potatoes on the sheet- bake for about 10-12 min (you want the potato just tender)   In a skillet add 2 TBS of olive oil- diced onion, minced garlic. Cook until onion is almost done, then add drained spinach and mix well.   In a bowl mix 4 eggs, 1 cup milk, cheese- add salt and pepper to taste.   When potatoes are just tender remove from oven and place in the bottom of a Pam sprayed casserole bowl (I used a large corningware round bowl). Just cover the bottom with potatoe for the crust. Pour egg and spinach mixture over top.   Bake for 30 min or until center is set.   This was so good. It make 4 portions so I have left over for my lunch today or I could have had it for breakfast.   You can also play with the recipe adding different seasoning to the potatoes or add salsa, mushrooms, peppers- almost anything to the mix.   Bottom line it was good, filling, and low cal.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
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