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Lapband Journey

Entries in this blog

 

Rant and Rave

Ok, the last week has been kinda stressful and I know it's only going to get worse. My job is changing greatly over the next few months and I am having learn a lot of new things and work extra to keep up with my job while I learn a new system. So maybe I am just stressed, but I need to rant for a min......     WLS is Easy WTH. I saw someone this weekend who hadn't seen me for a while and told me I looked great. Of course the next thing out of her mouth was how did you lose so much weight? I said that I was really watching what I ate, eating healthier and moving more, and that I had lapband surgery. Her comment was, oh well you are lucky then you can't gain weight. I wanted to expload at that moment. The thing is with lapband or ANY WLS you can gain weight. Gaining weight is EASY, not losing it. I can gain by eating more than I expend- calorie layden thing (milkshakes, chips, ice cream, cake, ect). I can gain just like anyone else. It really bothers me that people still have this misconception that WLS makes it so much easier. Does it help, YES, does it make it easy HELL NO.   BMI vs Size Ok so here is another thing that is buggin me. My entire life doctors have complained about my weight. I have been over weight since I was 5. Over 200 since middle school (now 190's). Now that I am losing and I have studied info, I congnitivly know that the scale isn't totally accurate when it comes to my health. I have lost 50+ lbs, while my weight is in the 190's I am far smaller than I thought I would be in the 190's. Why, because of my muscle to fat ratio. It is often said that muscle weighs more than fat, not exactly true. A pound of muscle takes up far less room than a pound of fat. A stick of butter and a ball bearing may weigh the same, but that ball bearing is much smaller. So my muscle mass has increased, and my shape has decreased, but the scale isn't moving these days. Yet when I go to the doctors they look at the scale and calculate my BMI and tisk tisk tisk. WTH- Doc please look at the whole pic instead of one fasit. I am a work in progress not a completed project.   Fear factor I will be the first to say that I am scared, paranoid, terrified of gaining weight back. I have tried way to long to lose, now that it has begun I do not want to revert. So yes I am almost obsessive over it. Is this good, not really, but it's me. I look at what I eat, I weigh daily, I move more. Being a scientific person I like to see cause and effect. How does what I put in effect measurment and weight. I chart every thing so I can take it to my doctor.   Judgements Ok, so maybe I am paranoid that people judge me when they aren't, but I think that comes from my years of low self esteem. I often see people state, Oh you are doing what your suppose to so don't worry about the scale, don't weigh it just drives you crazy, don't worry the weight will come off. Yes, I know all the data- about the scale doesn't show the whole picture, that we should keep on doing what we are suppose to when the scales stops and in time weight will come off. But, gee am I the only human on here that while I know this, it still doesn't make me happy that the scale isn't going down.   Ok, so maybe I am judging others here, but here it goes.... some people post and make statements on here that make them appear that they are perfect. They are losing, they are doing what the doctor says, they aren't weighing daily- happy, happy, joy, joy. It's like they never get frustrated or impatient ever. I honestly wonder sometimes are they really like that, or are they just putting on a front on this sight. Because while this journey hasn't been the tooth and nail climb that diets have been in the past, it has not been all hunky dory and perfect. So my thought for them is be human, I have flaws I get stressed, and I know you do to, no matter if you want to admit it or not.   I think newbies need to know and see the entire picture. Yes, you do what your doc and NUT say. Will this be easy - no. Will you hit plateaus- yes. Will you get frustrated at times- hell yes. Will what works for me work for you- maybe/maybe not.     Okay so enough of my ranting. If I offended anyone sorry, chalk it up to me having a bee in my bonnett to day and had one straw to many put on my pile.   Thanks for letting me rant!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

7
 

Sweet Success!!

I had my 9 month post op yesterday (one week before my actual 9th month - 22nd). My doc was very happy. We determined I did not need a fill at this time and I am in the elusive sweet spot. However, she did tell me that as I contiue to lose I may need a tweak here and there.   I questioned the fact that I feel like my weight loss as almost come to a stop. I was at one point losing 7 lbs a month, from Dec. until now I have only lost 7. This makes me feel like I am failing. I was told that this is totally common. Almost every bander in the 1st year will hit a 3-4 month spell were the weight loss is almost at a stand still, but just keep doing what we are suppose to and the weight loss will start again.   The next bit of encouragement came when I told her I felt like I wasn't doing as well as other banders. I was told that at 9 months post op I have lost 50% of my excess body weight. Doctor consider patients successful if at 1 year they have lost 40% so I am above the curve and they consider me an exordiary success. This made me feel great.   Then the discussion turned to continue loss. I told her I was burning around 2100-2300 calories a day, according to my fitbit and walking around 7000-10000 steps a day. She said this was awesome. But, I needed to keep in mind that at this point my daily calorie deficit should only be 500 calories. If I was at a deficit of more than 500 the body would store.   I told her that in a couple weeks I was flying to Florida for a week Disney Vacay and I ask about flying effects on the band. I was told that a small percent of patient experience tightness when flying, but most of the time it is only mild and they can still get liquid down and it disapates within 12 hours. To my surprise she said while at Disney not to refuse to enjoy eating. To stick to my alloted amounts, but to enjoy. The fact that I will be burning a lot of calories walking around Disney, I will need the increased calorie intake. So enjoy within reason.   I totally love my medical team!! They continue to encourage me. The best thing she told me was that I was the type patient that makes her want to come to work each day. She has patient who refuse to do what they are told from the get go they will have to do and they aren't successful and blame the team. But, the fact that I am doing great and have taken the time to understand my band and body makes what she does worth it. This was a nice compliment.   I am so glad I went through with being banded and I am very thankful for the wonderful medical team I have. Biggest advice- Chose a medical team who you feel comfortable with and who is experienced with bands.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Perspective

I've been down the last month or so because my weight didn't seem to be moving. I was following the doctors orders, doing what I was suppose to, but the scales were not moving. Then last week all of a sudden I came to realize geez my pants are falling down, my shirt feels bigger. The scales weren't moving, but the inches were. I purchase some summer shorts and capri's in 14's and 12's - holy cow, WOW!! A XL in the ladies section is to big, I need a large.   Yesterday the hubs and I went to the mall to finish getting what we needed to our Florida vacation in a few weeks. I tried on a new pair of flip flops and was standing in the mirror looking at them. It took a second for it to register I was looking at my leg- OMG- it's not huge. I look nice. I am sliming down all over. When heading to the store I was tell the hubs- last year at this time I was poured into my 20/22 capri's and wearing a 2XL shirt; yesterday I had on a pair of 14 shorts that are loose in the waist and a size large ladies t-shirt.   Wow- this has worked, I did it. I have lost weight. I feel good.   At the start of this journey I said I would be happy to get to a size 12/14, well I am here. But, now I am thinking a 8/10 would be nice. Me in an 8/10 WOW- what a thought. I never imagined that could happen and I could still eat good food.   I don't feel like I am being deprived or eating rabbit food. I eat the same things I have always loved, just less of it. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything. The only thing I could totally go for that I really should avoid is a slice of Cheesecake Factory Red Velvet Cheesecake. Most likely I will get one for my anniversary (we got engaged there), but I will likely eat it over a few days vs at one time or share it with the hub.   So for anyone reading this just starting out or hasn't been banded yet, good news, you can loose weight and still eat good food. It's possible to have it all!!!   Today I am on top of the world!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

5
 

Now it makes sense.........

March 22nd it will be 9 months since I was banded. I have lost right at 52 lbs, which puts me half way to goal. I have learned so much in these 9 months. I use to say, gee I don't know why I am so fat, I don't eat that much. Well, I have learned better. In 9 months I have made meals at home, had the major holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas, traveled for work, and eaten out.   What did I learn- I WAS lazy. I DID eat a lot!   So what has changed....   My MIL purchased me a fitbit for my birthday in November. This counts my steps, flights of stairs taken and calculated my calories burned based on my age and weight. When I started with the fitbit I was taking about 4500 steps a day, this shocked me, I really thought it was more. Now during the week I take between 7-8000 steps on weekends 10-12000. So I have increase my activity. I am busy like most of you out there who work full time and have a house and hubs and 4 creatures in my house.   So how did I increase my steps: At work instead of calling a co-worker in the same building on the phone, I walk to their office. Instead of calling kids down to my office, I walk to their classroom and pull them out (we have a HUGE campus with 3 floors so I get stairs and steps). I park further from the door at the grocery store or mall (except when it rains, because I really don't like being wet). I play with my dogs- walk them, run around the house with them, play fetch. When I cook dinner I dance around the kitchen (my husband I come to this of this as entertainment).   Of course my food intake has changed, because if I want to lose weight it has to! While I use to believe I ate healthy and didn't eat much, I found out differently. Now I read labels, look for less processed foods, lower sodium and lower calorie. I do choose to eat carbs, but I look for complex carbs (whole wheats, couscous, whole grain, sweet potato) that burns energy just to process. I choose lean meats (chicken, fish, lean hamburger, turkey). For snacks I choose healthy ones, rather than processed- apples and PB, nuts (almonds), banana, greek yogurt.   Portion sizes have also changed (duh). Just the nature of having my band has forced the portions to be smaller because I just can't eat more. More than that the doctor said stick to a cup or less at a time. So what does this mean.... for instance when I use to eat a taco, it was taco's like 4, now one and maybe the inside of a second, but no more. When I would eat chicken it would be 2 chicken breast, now it's hard to eat one whole one, if it's large it will likely be half. I love talipia fillets and use to eat two, now it is about 3/4 of one.   Eating out.... before surgery I would go out any where and order anything that sounded good, plus and appitizer and sometimes dessert. Boy, that has changed. I plan where I will go out, google their menu and see what the healthy options are. I choose healthy items, I don't get an appitizer, I don't get dessert. Many times I will not get all the items on the entree (like I will say no rice, I don't want 2 sides).   I don't feel like I am missing out on anything by cutting back. I feel good. With the increase movement I have more energy and feel better and move better. Eating less makes my tummy feel better. I don't get that horrible stuffed turkey feeling after meals. I feel like my mind is clearer, I breath better, in general feel better.   So all in all, honestly now I am suprised that I wasn't bigger than I was. I am thankful that I went ahead a took the step to get my band at 31 rather than waiting till I was older and my health had declined.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Thank You, Thank You Very Much

Journey began- June 22, 2012 (band day) Weight- 244 (Highest 247) 3/3/14 weight- 192.8 Sizes- pants 14/16 shirts L   So much as taken place since June 2012. Some days it really hits me how much I have changed both inside and outside. I have a lot of people to thank for this including myself.   My hubs- For encouraging me to move it to lose it and for being my support. His encouragement has gotten me through the rough days.   My parents- for supporting me in this journey and for telling me they are proud of me. Just this weekend my dad told my hubs to buy me a new coat because they one I had was wayyy to big- this really made me feel good because my dad does not compliment people.   Lapband site folks:   Carolina Girl- for her no nonsense, this is the way it way of responding and blogging. Often she reminds me what this is really about.   Missy- for being the ever encouraging inspiration lapband rockstar. The way she responds to post and "likes" most encourages me to hang it and that I am not a crazy bandster.   Jean McMillian- for her responses, her articles, ect. This last article she wrote slapped me upside the head and I needed that Gibbs slap.   The great thing about this site is while you will on occasion encounter negative nellies and the general butt hole, you also encounter folk who know what they are doing, who have and are rocking the journey and can give great encouragement and support if you just listen with an open mind.   Of course there are days when I feel like crap and that I am a total failure, I think we all experience this at some point during the journey. However, times like this weekend when I try on pants and find that size 16 shorts are to big and 14's are perfect and a large shirt fit just right let me know I am doing this no matter how I see myself in the mirror. There are time when I still feel like shammoo in drag, but I am doing this- I am getting smaller and healthier.   So thanks to all who have encouraged, supported, listened, responded, posted their stories, blog - you have made an impact on this bandster!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Goals

From the get go I have set goals for myself. The first few months I was knocking them out in what seemed like a week or so, now things have slowed; dramatically.   To begin with I was just wanted to get to the lower 10 lb zone. So starting at the 244 mark, 230's came and went quick, then the 220's bam shattered that, 210 slow but got it, below 200 slower but reached it. Now in the 190's and have been in this zone since early Dec. Yesterday I was at 192.8, so it is moving, but sssslllloooowwwllllyyy!!!   While I am not giving up, I do get frustrated and worried. Yes, I know I have a calorie deficit each day, yes I am walking more, yes I am only eating my alotted amount, yes I am getting in my protein, yes I am getting in my water; but my weight just isn't moving like before.   To begin with my goals were weight based, now I am having to change my goals as realated to other things in order to make myself feel like I am moving forward. These are goals like- walk at the least 6000 steps a day on the weekends 8000. These goals I can reach and it makes me feel good when I reach one. However, I still wish that I could reach my weight loss goals in a more timely fashion.   52 lbs in 8 months - 52 lbs is a lot, but over 8 months that is only 6.5 lbs a month. While I know that it is normal to lose only 1-2 lbs a week so the average is more like 4-8 lbs a month so I am in the middle.   My final goal is 140, I use to think oh, I will hit that in a year- now I am not sure when I will hit it- maybe 3 years. I have just had to stop looking long term and start looking at the day- what mountain can I tackle today?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Surgery Pains

My mom has had a rather bad hiatal hernia for the past 3 years. In the last year and a half it seemed to give her hell- nausea, inablity to eat, not able to drink much. In that year she went from the 170's to the 120's. But my mom refused to do anything about it because she was caring for my dying grandmother. Grandma passed in Oct, so mom finally agreed to see a surgeon.   My lapband doc also happens to do these types of surgery as well. I spoke to him about her and he said to get her to come in. After talking he agreed that her nausea and in ablity to eat much if at all was due to having 1/3 of her stomach in her chest and that surgery needed to be done soon.   Yesterday was surgery day. I don't mind being the patient, but I hate it when I have to watch those that I love go through pain. The doc came in and saw us pre-op and assured us everything would be fine. Mom went in and in about 2 hours the doc came out and said things went great, however instead of having 1/3 of her stomach in her chest she had over half of her stomach in her chest putting pressure on her heart and lungs. I have not idea what this could have done in the long run, but I am glad it's fixed. The doc said he had an easy time getting everything back into place and he did a plication to prevent her stomach from moving and put mesh in to repair the hold in the diaphram.   When we finally saw her she was in horrible pain, which I expected. However, the insurance would not allow her to stay over night. So the doc told her the best thing to do was to go back to my house, which is only 20 min away verses her house which is an hour and a half away. So she came and stayed with me.   This morning the gas pain was better, but she said she was sore to just breath. The doctor said this would happen since he had to work in her chest cavity. She is onl liquids for the next couple of days before going to mushy, but I know she can do it.   Surgery, while painful and the afterward can often times make the need seem less evil, surgery is an amazing thing. Doctors have the ability to give us our life back. Mom lost weight because of illness and had to have surgery so she can eat, I had to have surgery to lose weight. Thank goodness for doctors with the knowledge and skill to do this.   I have no doubt that what my mom had done was more technical since as he said he was looking at her heart, but he was skilled enough to do what needed to be done, to help her get better.   A doctor with this much skill and ability to do these procedures well, don't you think we should listen to them. Use them for what they are there for- to help us heal and answer our questions along the way.   If you have a great doc, let him or her know how you appreciate them and their ability not only by telling them, but by listening to them and asking questions.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

I Love Food

I love food, I mean really love food (which is why I hit 247). I have always been a foodie. While sweets were never a huge pull for me, I find myself wanting them more now, but I have managed to stay away from them except special occassions.   I am and always have been a protein / carb girl. I am mildly adventurous, willing to try new foods and such. Since being banded I have found I like: Greek Yogurt, couscous, beans. I eat a lot more fish (talapia, salmon, mackeral).   Being that I love to cook I am always researching new things and new ways of cooking.   I still, however, do enjoy going out to eat. What I like best is having someone else clean the kitchen!   Last night, Valentines, the hub wanted to go to the 1st resturant we ever went to. That resturant is On the Border, which serves southwest style food. I love southwest/mexi, but it is loaded with salt and calories. I downloaded the nutrition and was shocked the my southwest chicken taco's were 1200 calories- ouch. I found that the fajita mix was a better choice, I was able to order the chicken with grilled onion, pepper, zuchini, with no sides (beans, rice, tortillas). I ate just the meat and veggie and ask for sauce on the side (which I only used a bit of). Since I hadn't been there since surgery this really showed how my eating has changes.   Before surgery I would eat the meat, veggies, rice, beans, tortillas and a dessert. Last night I wasn't even able to get down all of the meat and veggies. Wow, what a change. My husband said he was so proud of me.   I went home feeling good and not over stuffed. Yes, this morning my weight was up by a pound, the salt really worked on me.   So today I am drinking my water like a made woman and cutting the salt back.   I guess this is what life should be like, not giving up the food we love, just cutting back on the amount and making adjustment for the bad stuff.   What in the heck did I learn this years ago??
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

2
 

Battle

At the start of this journey in June 2012 I was excited and ready to go. I was determined that I was going to be a big looser. Next week I will be 8 months out and I have only lost 50 lbs.   I really did think I would lose more in this time. Even though my doc seems happy enough I am still frustrated. When I went in for a fill last week my weight was up 1 lb from what it was at the prior visit- total bummer. Even though just days earlier I had seen the lowest weight ever on the scales (193) since that my weight in 2 days jumped to 197 then drop right back down to 194- had to be water weight right? Well for the last week and a half my weight has been bouncing from the 193's to the 195's each morning (I weight the same time of day in the same thing so it is constant). I am not over eating, I am not eating calorie loaded things, I have a calorie deficit each day. Right now I am not working out because I have felt like crap from having sinus issues.   The hubs keeps telling me it's because I'm not working out. While I know I could find the time to fit it in, it is hard. I am tired, really tired by the time I finish all my have to's for the day. I am taking my C, D and B vitamins that my doctor perscribed.   While I know plateaus are normal course, I hate that it happend so early in the game. I have told many people you don't fail until you stop trying. I am still trying, but it is so hard to stay positive.   While I feel like I am in a green zone. 1 cup can totally hold me for 4-5 hours and even then I am not starved. My doc said not to miss meals so I have to set a timer on my phone to remind me it's time to eat. I am starting to feel like that is all I do.   Breakfast at 6 (Oatmeal) Snack 10:00 (greek yogurt) Lunch 12-1 depends on what is going on at work What depends on what we had the night before. ~Snack - 4 ish depends on what I had for lunch- if I am really not hungry I just can't make myself eat Dinner- 5:30 to 6:30 depending on when the hubs gets home   I am feeling like I am damed if I do and damed if I don't.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Wall Flower

Growing up I was always the wall flower. I was the kid a teacher never knew was in class. I was quiet and kept to myself for the most part. While I did have friends, I was careful at school not to get in trouble or break rules, that was just me. I was never loud or abnoxius and never wanted to go against the grain. I was a blender, always blending into the back ground where ever I was. As I got older this trend continued, the only place where I would step up and take a lead was in my job, because that is where I have to. Being a manager I had to be the head of what I did and often times would have to public speak, but that was fine because it was my area of expertise.   I always thought my wall flowerness was due to my weight and my not wanting to be seen. But, after losing 50 lbs I have come to see this is just who I am. I still am not a flashy person. I don't like wearing things that make me stand out- I wear normal colors not flashy bright ones. I won't color my hair a odd color for me because it would draw attention. While I feel better about myself I am still the same old wall flower.   Even on this site, I post questions and post blogs on a regular basis, but many times do not get feed back or response, which frankly is a little disheartening.   But, I must except I am the wall flower and that is just who I am. Maybe one day I will bloom into a beautiful rose that is noticed, but I doubt it, but I am me.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Heart Broken

Some of you know that I have had 3 miscarriages. My hub and I have no problem getting pregnant, but I just can't get past the 1st trimester. Well in the last week I have had 2 friends give birth and 2 annouce they are pregnant.   My BFF for 20 years called me yesterday to tell me her news, she is pregnant with baby number 2. She is already through her 1st trimester and just found out she is preg. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for her and her husband. They have one daughter and have been trying for 3 years for another child with no luck. They had given up hope, but low and behold she is preg and 3 months in. Her due date is my granfather's birthday.   While I am happy for her, my heart does break for my babies, my 3 that I can't hold. My doctor told me I could try again this summer and we plan to, but I am just so scared. All the test they have done have come back with nothing wrong, so they have no idea why I keep miscarring. My OB/GYN says that as soon as I think I am preg, like one day late, to come in and he will do an ultrasound and if I am he will start progestrone to hopefully keep the baby.   I don't know what will happen, but I am scared. I am scared of gaining to much weight, I am scared of losing the baby, I am scared I will never have a baby.   The name of today's game just seems to be scared!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

8
 

Learned something new....

I went in for a fill today, my weight had gone up by 5 lbs since last week so I wasn't thrilled about going in. I went in they weighed me- up 1 lbs since last month!!!!!! I was pissed. She checked my band and gave me another cc - I always get fills with floro. I told her about my weight jump from last week and explained it was my TOM time even though I don't actually bleed. She said that the weight fluctuation was not abnormal, that everyone will have fluctuations from week to week. She also ask how many calories my fitbit said I was burning a day- I told her between 2000-2200 depending on if I work out or not. She ask about my eating habits - I told her I was only eating 3 times a day and sometimes having an afternoon snack. She ask about my calorie intake- I told her I was getting between 1200-1300 a day.   Surprise- she said I'm not getting enough calories. Now this is what my doc said, I trust my doctor, she is a Duke Doc, I have full confidence in her- do please do not bash her or me; if you doc said something else fine ok, I am just putting out there what mine said.   She said that since I am now over 6 months post that eating 1200 calories a day isn't enough. She said that having a 3-500 calorie a day deficit was good, but not more because the body would not let go of the fat- sorta like starvation mode. She said if I upped my workout routine to up calories. To try and keep my deficit around 3-500 for optimum weight loss.   So I am going to try and see what happens. Maybe it has to do with where I am in weight- I don't know, but she is my doctor, she is trained, so I will listen to her.   If you don't agree fine, but again don't bash!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

8
 

The Water Works

I was told at the start of my journey to drink at the least 60 oz of water a day, but more would be better.   During the week I do great, drinking around 100 oz. Well guess what during the week my weight goes down!   On the weekends I am a slacker. The hubs and I don't have kids and take advantage of sleeping in on Saturday and Sunday mornings. We normally rise around 8-9 am verses our M-F routine of getting up at 5. We are not morning people and never have been. However, this getting up late wreaks havoc with my water intake.   I strictly follow my doctors rule of not drinking during or 30 min after a meal. I find this is a big help in not getting hungry so soon. When I don't get up until 8-9, I miss out on getting that extra time for fluids. On M-F I would have already downed about 60 oz. I tend to drink very little between dinner time and bed time for potty reasons, therefore, I don't drink as much as I should.   Looking back over my records for the past couple of months the pattern that I see is, my weight drops during the week and on the weekends rises. I believe this is for 2 reasons- 1-Friday night is my night off cooking (this was established at the on set of the relationship and I like it!) We eat out, but I choose as healthy as possible, but the sodium levels do tend to be high (read water retention) 2- Since I do not drink enough water on the weekends the water that is retained due to the upped sodium count is not flushed out.   The pattern clear shows that from Friday morning to Sunday morning my weight will go up about 2-3 lbs. By Tuesday morning my weight is back down lower than it was on Friday morning due to getting in all the extra water on Monday.   So, it looks like I must get better at the water on the weekends thing. But, this does clearly show me that my water intake as well as my sodium intake has a big effect on my weight.   This is my little scientifc experiment.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Shake the Sheets

This morning I did my norm morning routine. Got up pottied and got on the scale before dressing (TMI I know, but it is always best to weigh in you birthday suit). The hubs walks in and hugs me and says "geez I can reach my elbows when I wrap my arms around you". Then he said "I'm proud of you babe, but don't get so skinny I have to shake the sheets to find ya".   For those who don't know my husband is visually impaired. His vision is 20/800 - legally blind since birth. Granted he is well educated graduated with honors with a degree in computer science and is a well respected software engineer. He just can't see very well. So it's always been the running joke that he feel for me because I was large print (he always replied to that with you said that not me). Now he is joking saying I am getting so small he won't be able to see me anymore.   The joking is all in fun- he is very supportive of my weight loss journey and is helping me leaps and bounds.   But I must say it would be nice for him to have to shake the sheets to find me
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

5
 

Simple Pleasures

There are so many pleasures that I never knew in my life.   Simple Pleasures:   Walking or power walking with the dogs on a pretty day. Breathing clean and clear without wheezing. Walking fast and not having to stop and catch my breath before I speak. Walking into a store and buy a pair of pants where the size doesn't start or end with W. Not getting the worlds worst wedgy when wearing short. Not having my full coverage panties (granny panties) turn into thongs. Having energy to not only do what I must but wanting to do more. Not being feeling self conscious all the time. Not being afraid to step on the scale at the doctors office. Being willing to stand up for myself rather than just wanting to fade into the back ground. Having my life not revolve around food.   There are so many more simple pleasures that I am sure I will find as my weight continues to go down, but these are the ones that I am seeing thus far.   What simple pleasures are you enjoying?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

0
 

Listen Up.......

Well it's been an odd week for me. The hubs Big 40 was last week. We had a party for him last Sunday night. Instead of B-day cake he wanted his fave cheesecake and I made brownies to. Most of the left overs I sent home with friends. Kept a couple and we had those the first of the week.   Mid-week my PMS mode hit, which means grumpy and craving. Since being banded I haven't really had any horrible cravings for sweets, I've wanted them, but not to the point I have this week. I am guessing this is a case of your mind gets a little and it wants more of that drug.   On Friday of this week NC got hit with an ice storm - nothing horrible, but enough to send us home from work and keep us in until afternoon on Saturday. Friday my hubs wanted pizza. Well this hasn't been an issue for me before, but.... I ordered a large since I could get it for free, just figured we would eat on it for a couple of days (WRONG). For lunch I was starved and ate 2 slices of my veggie side and felt way to full (I know this wasn't good for my band and I shouldn't have, but I can't change what was only what is to come), at dinner I wasn't really hungry, but at another piece anyway and felt even worse. By bedtime I felt like crap. My tummy hurt and I felt bloated. Lesson learned....   I am feeling like I am reverting back to my old ways and that scares me worse than anything. My band is there to help me, but if I refuse to listen to it, it can't and won't help. I know that I must get back on track and get myself back on the plan and biggest thing listen to my band.   As my mom said when I was little there is a big difference in hearing and listening. I hear my band tell me no I don't want that, but I ignored it this weekend. Today after returning home from my Dad's 65th b-day party I found myself standing in my kitchen looking around for something to eat, yet I wasn't hungry.   My feeling down and out today doesn't help eating issues, but at least I am realizing what triggers I have and trying to change which I have not done in the past.   While at Dad's party, sitting with my niece who is a cute perky 17 year old size 0, I watched what and how she ate. She ate really slow. She got up to toss her plate and still had half of her cake and some ice cream on it- she said she was full. I guess that is why she is a size 0. She opts to stop when she is full no matter how much is left on her plate. This is something I can learn from her.   Like I have often said this journey isn't the easy every day, but it is a journey worth making. For those of you support and encourage me thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know I am going to fall from time to time on my journey and it helps having the awesome people on this site to help me stand back up and keep moving forward.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Head vs Mouth vs Stomach

I have figured out that a lot of the reason I use to eat had nothing to do with hunger.   see something- eat it. Smell something- eat it. Board- eat Worried- eat Meal time - eat   I ate my way to almost 250 and I knew it had to stop.   Now I am much more selective about what and when I eat. I now eat 3 meals a day and sometime one snack. I still eat things I love, but I eat less or them.   Today I walked into the breakroom at work, there was a smorgasborg or treats: grapes, cheese, crackers, pimento cheese, rolls, celery. While these foods aren't bad foods, I didn't eat them, I wasn't hungry. In times past I would have fixed a nice rounded plate and gone back to my corner office and ate up. While my mouth and mind were saying yummy, just one bite, my tummy was saying, but hey yo I don't want any, not hungry please don't.   My eyes, mouth and mind get me in a lot of trouble when it comes to food.   My husband in blind, but very strong resourcful, brillant wonderful man; but he can't see the foods laying around. He never picks and taste at things, he doesn't graze. He eats his 3 meals and about 2 snacks a day and that is it. He isn't tempted by the stuff laying around because he can't see it. Now at meals he eats well, but that is a different story.   But, I think I need to become more like him; blind to the food just laying around. When I make a concious effort not to indulge I am fine, but when I uncounsiously peck I will pay with weight gain.   In my wieght loss journey I need to get my mind, mouth and tummy all on the same page.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

I Wanna.....

I have always dreamed of being the thin pretty girl that I have never been. Before I started school I was trim and cute, but then I started school and packed on the pounds. No idea what started this, but I am guessing emotional eating. My weight only balloned each year. I was always jealous of the pretty girls and just wished I could be like them.   However, I am pretty happy with the woman I grew in to. I am compasionate, caring, loving, and pretty nonjudgemental. If I had been a skinny girl I may not be who I am now, but now that I am an adult I am ready to bring the outside up to par with the inside.   I don't believe I am a told dog, but I am not Jennifer Aniston by any means. As I lose weight and develop curves, my dimples can be seen, I am losing the extra chins, I feel people can start to see the real me. I am less worried about how people preceive my outside and my inside more easily shine though.   I am fairly certain I will never be a size 2, and honestly I don't want to me. I size 10/12 would be just fine for me. I want to live realisticly, I want to enjoy food, I want to enjoy activity, I don't want to be hindered by my weight any longer.   For years I just ate whatever I wanted and over time I was able to eat more and more. Now I still want to eat yummy foods, but I am learning I can eat less and still be satisfied. I am learning that food doesn't need to be the center of my life.   While I won't be Jennifer Aniston (looks) or Marian Jones (athlectic), I just want to be me in a healthy form. In a form that allow my inside to shine through so people can see the real me.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

0
 

Committed Relationship

I met my wonderful amazing husband 5 years ago and married him 3.5 years ago. He is my biggest fan and support. Once he went to the seminar on WLS he was fully supportive of me having the band. Over the next couple of months I hemed and hawed about would I be, could I be successful on this journey. He kept telling me that ofcourse I would, I just needed to commit to him as I did him.   Soooo.......   I am in a committed relationship with my band. My band is 100% behind me losing weight. While my band can't prevent me from eating more than I should or eating things that are unhealthy for me; it can help me stay satisfied longer on less, that is if I allow it to. When I think about my band from this perspective- I think about I would never cheat on my husband why would I want to cheat on my band. Ruining my marriage would be painful, but ruining my band and having to have another surgery wouldn't be a walk in the park either. Just like with a marriage you have to work at it, I have to work at my band life. Some days it will be easy and other days it won't, but I don't give up on my marriage just because of one road bump and I won't give up on my band either.   Just like I want my marriage to last forever, I want my band life to last to.   So with this being said.... ( I am calling my band George)   I promise to love, honor, and cherish George forever!!   Are you in a committed relationship with your band?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Waste of Money!!!

Okay I feel sure I am likely going to offend someone here, so if you are easily offended stop reading now!   I don't often get on my "high horses" but I am today.   I have heard people complain and moan and groan about surgery being a waste of money and time. Well my first questions is.... Did you follow you doctor's orders? Did you listen and follow what the nutritionist said? Did you go in to see the doctor and discuss issues?   If the answer to any of those are no then you wasted your own money! I work hard to make a living and I am not going to give my money away for nothing. I am paying my surgeon and my nutritionist a prime rate and honey you better bet I am going to listen to their orders. If I feel like something they told me is unfounded then I am going to discuss it with them and see if we can come up with a plan- for example multivitamins make me sick. For some reason multivitamins make me very ill, for a first couple of months I took individual vitamins throuhgout the day to prevent getting sick. After that I ask my doctor to test my levels and everything was great. The doctor gave me clearence to stop taking most of the vitamins only if I had my levels checked monthly. I have and everything is fine. I still take B vitamins since those have always been low.   I didn't just do my own thing and ignore his advice. We made a plan and I followed through.   My opinion, again this is MY OPINION, if you are not going to follow doctors orders then don't spend the money and waste the time to have surgery.   If you are not willing to commit totally to what it takes to be successful with WLS don't do it. It may be that you aren't ready right now, but in time you will be.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

7
 

What, I am full, already??

I got a fill last Tuesday of .5 cc to give me a total of aroud 7cc. Last week was normal didn't really feel much extra restriction. This week- wowser!   Yesterday the restriction kicked in and I think I had the best band day ever (food wise) day started with 20 oz of water 1 cup of coffee (black) 1 cup of Special K with 1/2 cup 2% milk (breakfast) Smart Ones Four Cheese Pizza (lunch) 3oz chop steak 1/2 cup scalloped potatos (didn't eat it all)   No snacks!!!   I stayed satisfied all day long with no snacks. Yesterday was the hubs B-day and he requested seasoned chopsteak and homemade scalloped potatos, so this was what we had. The chop steaks are 3 oz each. Preband I would eat 2 plus 2 sides and still have room, not now! I eat about 3 bites of steak and 2 bites of potatos and full! I thought WTH, wow, I am full on no more than that!! So I pack the remainder in a tupperware bowl for lunch today. I didn't get hungery later in the evening, I just felt good.   I am loving this new found freedom from food. I like getting my fill on so much less- it's rush.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

6
 

Fight or Flight

When you are trying to lose weight and you hit a plateau or even go up a little inspite of doing what you are suppose to it is so easy to get frustrated.   My weight loss has been painfully slow- 50 lbs in a little over 6 months. I am one of those nuts who opts to weigh daily and chart it to see my patterns in connection with what I eat. I also opt to count calories and have a fitbit to tell me an average of what I burn in day.   While I haven't always been the perfect lapband patient I do stick pretty close to doctors orders. The last few weeks I am been doing what I am suppose to - 3 meals 1 cup or less 1 snack eating 1300 or less calories a day and doing cardio for 30 min to an hour 4-5 days a week. Yet, while I am doing this my weight managed to tick up from 195 where it was Saturday back up to 200 by Monday and today back down 197. I know I haven't eaten the calories to cause this so it has to be something else.   With past diets I would have taken the flight approuch- this isn't doing any good, forget it I'm eating what I want. However, with the band I choose the fight mode. I am going to keep fight the fight against the fat. One of us will win and I plan on it being me!   It is so easy to flee the lapband lifestyle when we don't see results that we want or expect, but we must (I must) stay and fight. Fight through the ups and celebrate the downs in the scales.   On the ups it can be from water retention, a cold, not going potty, or muscle gain. All of these reason will eventually level out and the scale number will go down, but only if I keep on keeping on.   I hope that you choose the fight approch to! After all our health is worth fight for!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Inside Out

I will admit a big part of why I did this surgery is so I could buy smaller clothes and look better. I was tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a whale. Then another part of me was concern of heading down a path of bad health. I was 31 y/o when I had surgery and my blood pressure was creeping up as were my A1c levels (surgar) and my cholesterol levels were inching up as well. My father being diabetic, my 44 y/o brother having a heart attack and stroke worried me. I didn't want to be in those shoes. So I decided to do something about it- lapband.   I came into this honestly, thinking it would be easier. Easy it is not, worth it absolutely. I can't just eat whatever, I have to make a choice to eat healthy foods and to eat less at a sitting. My band helps me feel satisfied longer with less so that part does make the process easier. However, I still must control what goes in me.   I use to hear eat healthy and you will feel better and I thought, gee I feel fine I must be okay. I had no idea how I could feel. I have been over weight or obese since childhood so I never really knew how I could feel inside.   I have now cut out most all processed foods, except for the occasional WW Smart One at lunch. I eat a lot more veggies and fruit. I eat less carbs, I choose not to cut them out because I didn't feel that I could keep to that longer term and I want to eat in a way I can maintain; but I do eat fewer than I use to and good carbs. Instead of drinking soda all the time I drink water. I have started making and eating things I never thought I would - fritta's, couscous, flax seed, from stratch pot pies, turkey bacon and the list goes on.   I have now started an exercise routine that I like and feel I can keep up with. I love the show The Doctors but I work when it's on. I DVR the show and when I get home I hop on my elliptical and watch the show while I sweat. The time flies by.   Amazing I am now feel what people talked about- I feel good inside. My "inerd" feel healthy. It's almost like I can feel my body saying thank you. I breath easier, my gut feels better - it's hard to explain, but it's just a feeling of health. I sleep better at night and feel more rested when I get up. I am able to concentrate more at work and home.   With the feeling better on the inside it is sipping out to the outside. Sure after losing 50 lbs I look better. But, now my skin and hair look healthy and good. My hair is shiny with out the addition of product. I smile bigger because I feel better. My eyes twinkle because I feel better. I move easier when I walk and it shows in my gate.   All in all it's a great feeling to be getting healthier and I am begining to understand why people become "health nuts".   While my weight isn't coming off fast it is coming off. Each month at the doctor's office my weight is down a little more, anywhere from 2 lbs to 7 lbs. So I feel I am doing pretty good and my body is happy.   I hope that all of you can experence this feeling of health as you transform you body.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Could I? Should I? Maybe if... Just this....

You hear and see a lot on this site " just because you can eat more doesn't mean you should".   Frankly this is the case if you have the band or not. We all got here because we could and did and we "just this onced" more than once.   Most of us have doctors who gave us very specific orders as to how much we are to eat at a time. My doctor said a cup. Have I ever eaten more than that at a meal- yes, alot more- no, should I have - no. I got use to eating a lot at one sitting pre-band. I was never much of a snacker / crap eater, but I was a big eater at meal time. I could eat with the big boys, which was why I became a big girl. In my obese mind food was good and more was better.   Now that I have the band food still taste good, really good, but I know that I MUST stop at a cup. Why must I stop, 1- My band has made my stomach about the size of a golf ball (that ain't big) 2- I DO NOT want to stretch it or damage my band 3- I really do want to loose weight. So while I could likely eat a lot even now post-banded I do not "want" to. (There is that word again- WANT)   There are times, especially at family events, that I find myself helping my plate like I use to eat and I have to go whoa- not gonna happen. It's hard to lose the mantality of being a big eater at times.   There are some banders on here who say there band reminds them or prevents them from eating "bad" foods or to much. Well, my band doesn't.   What does my band do? It helps me eat slower and stay satisfied longer with less. I do get stuck on occassion, but that is normally because I tried to eat to fast or didn't chew well enough. My job as the band user is to listen to my body and if I am not hungry DON'T EAT. When I do eat, eat things that are good for me (protein, veggies, fruits) and keep my portion sizes down. I do not need to eat a gallons worth of food, my body only needs a cup.   It isn't always easy to do our part, the band is there willing and able to help, but we (I) must do my part. Each time I eat when I'm not hungry, eat more than I should, or eat "crap" foods I imagine my band sitting there hanging in shame.   The band will not, can not help me if I choose to go against it. So next time I think well just a little more or just this once I will remind myself that those thoughts is what got me to the place where I needed the band.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Attitude

Charles Swindall wrote a statement about attitude...   "The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.   Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.   The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.   And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes."   I have always loved this and have it hanging in my office. I hadn't really thought about it lately, but I happened to notice it this morning. I think we can add that attitude can make or break a weight loss plan.   I know for me I have days when I am down in the dumps and it would be so easy to reach for a candy bar, but I choose to reach for my water bottle instead. The people around us, the scale, the weather, heck the day of the week tend to play a role in our mood. But the part he says that 10% of life is what happens to me and 90% is how I react. How freaking true is that? So when my mood gets skewed I have to choose my reaction, I have to choose to deal with out using food. Also, in situations where food is avalible, how will I react- I should react with - if I am hungry= eat, if am am not= pass.   For me I have got to not use food, well let me change that- calories, as a reward for doing well or a reward for dealing with difficulty situation. For instance, yesterday was one hellva day for me. Crap hit the fan for work, dealth with several difficult parents and one pissy co-worker. I could have gone home and drank and entire bottle of wine. After all that would calm me and I deserved it after a rough day. NO I DID NOT DESERVE IT- I deserve to do something better for me than take in empty calories. I am proud of myself, I jumped on my elliptical and did a 30 min intense interval tranining. I was sweating like a pig, but when I got off I felt better, my mood was better and I was happy when the hubs got home.   So, the question is how will we react to this band, how will we react to situation that use to cause us to eat till we were stuffed?   What's your attitude?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
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