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Kime-lou's Blog

A blog by Kime-lou

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Lapband Journey

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Waste of Money!!!

Okay I feel sure I am likely going to offend someone here, so if you are easily offended stop reading now! I don't often get on my "high horses" but I am today. I have heard people complain and moan and groan about surgery being a waste of money and time. Well my first questions is.... Did you follow you doctor's orders? Did you listen and follow what the nutritionist said? Did you go in to see the doctor and discuss issues? If the answer to any of those are no then you wasted your own money! I work hard to make a living and I am not going to give my money away for nothing. I am paying my surgeon and my nutritionist a prime rate and honey you better bet I am going to listen to their orders. If I feel like something they told me is unfounded then I am going to discuss it with them and see if we can come up with a plan- for example multivitamins make me sick. For some reason multivitamins make me very ill, for a first couple of months I took individual vitamins throuhgout the day to prevent getting sick. After that I ask my doctor to test my levels and everything was great. The doctor gave me clearence to stop taking most of the vitamins only if I had my levels checked monthly. I have and everything is fine. I still take B vitamins since those have always been low. I didn't just do my own thing and ignore his advice. We made a plan and I followed through. My opinion, again this is MY OPINION, if you are not going to follow doctors orders then don't spend the money and waste the time to have surgery. If you are not willing to commit totally to what it takes to be successful with WLS don't do it. It may be that you aren't ready right now, but in time you will be.

January 22, 2013

7

What?why?how?

On Tuesday this week I went to my nutritionist and I had lost a total of 35 lbs since the 1st time I saw her. She went over my food journal and calorie counts. Gave me some pointers, but all in all said I was doing wonderful and she couldn't have hoped for a better turn out. Needless to say I was pleased and happy. So today is Thursday of the same week and I had a fill. So I wasn't worried when I was weight. WTH, I am up 3 lbs since Tuesday. WHAT??? My calorie counts have been well below my BMR- right about 1200. It's not my time of the month. So how in the heck I am up 3lbs in two days. I know I shouldn't be freaked out because out bodies fluctuate day to day, but geez!! I had finally hit 209 - single digit 200's- only 9 more lbs till my 1st major goal. But now I am up. I feel defeated. Mind you I didn't and won't do what I use to do, which is go out and binge. I don't have a desire to do that anymore, I want to do the opposite, not eat anything, but that isn't healthy either. My hubs says shake it off I will be back down by the weekend, but I don't feel confindent. I track each morsel that enters my mouth and I work out. I am far more active now than I have been in years and I sleep better, so what in the world. I know it's only 3 lbs I need to chill out. But I needed to vent. I am back in my office now and I have no one to talk to about how I am feeling. I am on liquids for the remainder of the day so maybe that will help. Any suggestions for my bander friends out there?

October 4, 2012

6

Plateau Hell

October was an awesome month for me in the weight loss department, I lost 8 lbs. Since the first week in November I have been on a dang gone plateau, and it sucks!!! My weight has bounced since that week between 202.6 and 201.4. My goal had been to hit 199 by Thanksgiving and obviously that didn't happen. I did indulge one day and allowed myself 2000 calories on Thanksgiving day, which was still below the amount I burned that day. Lunch was followed by a nap and then a 4 mile family hike. I totally don't feel guilty about allowing myself that once, as long as it doesn't become habit. Some of you may berate me for that, but we all have to do what works for us. Other than the family hike on Thanksgiving I haven't been exercising per say. I have been working! I get up get into the office by 6:45 work until 3, go home or run errons, then go home clean, do laundry, cook dinner - deal with the creatures (2 dogs, 2 cats). We have stuff going on every weekend that takes us out of town or brings family to our home. When I cook I make my recipes as healthy as possible. I feel like I am going crazy though staying busy all the time. Sunday after my in-laws left I passed out on the couch and took a 3 hour nap, I was exhausted. Is my tiredness playing into the platuea? Is my lack of working out causing? I have no idea what the cause is, but I know it sucks. Tomorrow I return to my doctor for a fill, likely with my head tucked between my knees. When I left last time, my doctor smiled and said I will see you in November and below 200 and I failed! I know that my inches have gone down because my clothes are fitting differently, my 16's are fitting a little looser and my 14's are pefect. But, weight is what is the main measure of success. I know I shouldn't just look at the weight, but it's hard not to. I am so very close to onederland. When I started this journey the thought of getting below 200 was a dream, now that I am so close it almost seem unattainable. Am I meant to always be the fat girl? Is my body against me and refusing to drop the fat? I don't know, but I do know that this plateau is making it very hard to stay motivated. Hopefully, the weight will start to move again soon and in the right direction.

November 28, 2012

2

Rant and Rave

Ok, the last week has been kinda stressful and I know it's only going to get worse. My job is changing greatly over the next few months and I am having learn a lot of new things and work extra to keep up with my job while I learn a new system. So maybe I am just stressed, but I need to rant for a min...... WLS is Easy WTH. I saw someone this weekend who hadn't seen me for a while and told me I looked great. Of course the next thing out of her mouth was how did you lose so much weight? I said that I was really watching what I ate, eating healthier and moving more, and that I had lapband surgery. Her comment was, oh well you are lucky then you can't gain weight. I wanted to expload at that moment. The thing is with lapband or ANY WLS you can gain weight. Gaining weight is EASY, not losing it. I can gain by eating more than I expend- calorie layden thing (milkshakes, chips, ice cream, cake, ect). I can gain just like anyone else. It really bothers me that people still have this misconception that WLS makes it so much easier. Does it help, YES, does it make it easy HELL NO. BMI vs Size Ok so here is another thing that is buggin me. My entire life doctors have complained about my weight. I have been over weight since I was 5. Over 200 since middle school (now 190's). Now that I am losing and I have studied info, I congnitivly know that the scale isn't totally accurate when it comes to my health. I have lost 50+ lbs, while my weight is in the 190's I am far smaller than I thought I would be in the 190's. Why, because of my muscle to fat ratio. It is often said that muscle weighs more than fat, not exactly true. A pound of muscle takes up far less room than a pound of fat. A stick of butter and a ball bearing may weigh the same, but that ball bearing is much smaller. So my muscle mass has increased, and my shape has decreased, but the scale isn't moving these days. Yet when I go to the doctors they look at the scale and calculate my BMI and tisk tisk tisk. WTH- Doc please look at the whole pic instead of one fasit. I am a work in progress not a completed project. Fear factor I will be the first to say that I am scared, paranoid, terrified of gaining weight back. I have tried way to long to lose, now that it has begun I do not want to revert. So yes I am almost obsessive over it. Is this good, not really, but it's me. I look at what I eat, I weigh daily, I move more. Being a scientific person I like to see cause and effect. How does what I put in effect measurment and weight. I chart every thing so I can take it to my doctor. Judgements Ok, so maybe I am paranoid that people judge me when they aren't, but I think that comes from my years of low self esteem. I often see people state, Oh you are doing what your suppose to so don't worry about the scale, don't weigh it just drives you crazy, don't worry the weight will come off. Yes, I know all the data- about the scale doesn't show the whole picture, that we should keep on doing what we are suppose to when the scales stops and in time weight will come off. But, gee am I the only human on here that while I know this, it still doesn't make me happy that the scale isn't going down. Ok, so maybe I am judging others here, but here it goes.... some people post and make statements on here that make them appear that they are perfect. They are losing, they are doing what the doctor says, they aren't weighing daily- happy, happy, joy, joy. It's like they never get frustrated or impatient ever. I honestly wonder sometimes are they really like that, or are they just putting on a front on this sight. Because while this journey hasn't been the tooth and nail climb that diets have been in the past, it has not been all hunky dory and perfect. So my thought for them is be human, I have flaws I get stressed, and I know you do to, no matter if you want to admit it or not. I think newbies need to know and see the entire picture. Yes, you do what your doc and NUT say. Will this be easy - no. Will you hit plateaus- yes. Will you get frustrated at times- hell yes. Will what works for me work for you- maybe/maybe not. Okay so enough of my ranting. If I offended anyone sorry, chalk it up to me having a bee in my bonnett to day and had one straw to many put on my pile. Thanks for letting me rant!!

March 20, 2013

7

Death And Food

I am 100% Southern Girl. Being that I was born, raised and still live in the south, certain things are a given. My Grandmother passed away last Wed night at 88 years old. She was a wonderfully awesoem little lady that was not only Grandma, but one of my best friends. I spent many hours with her through the years and loved her dearly. On Thursday I went to my mother's and was there through Monday morning. Neighbors, friends, family and church family brought tons of food. Bringing food to the those who just lost a loved one is a huge part of southern culture as is the large amount of fried chicken we had. A healthy food was hard to come by. My parents live in the middle of no where, so going to pick something better up wasn't really an option. So I made the best of what I had trying to make good choices. Well, I learned reheated chicken and my lapband do not mix. I had a horrible stuck episode. The pain was horrible after about 20 min I finally got it up and banded chicken from my diet for sometime to come. This took place Saturday and since I fear eating anything because anything with much consistancy causes pressure. Water and liquid goes down fine as does cereal and yogurt, but anything else causes pressure. Due to the slim pickins of healthy foods I have gained 2 lbs. This is the only gain in weight I have had in the 4 months since surgery. Part of me, the depressed down part, wants to say forget it eat what I want and whatever goes down easy and the other part says jump back on the horse and get back to eating right and that 2 lbs will come off. It is easier to stick to what we are suppose to do when thing are going ok, but hit a bumpy patch and it's hard to stick to it. I know that I must get back on the horse or I will gain back every one of the 40 I lost and I do not want to do that. It is just hard. I am so tired and emotionally exhauseted I am having a hard time doing what I know I need to. Right now I just want to sleep. I am back at work and have done ok with eating today (soft only) and I think I will just have a scrambled egg for dinner so my calorie count is fine or even low for the day. Any one have some encouragement to get me back on the horse? I need a swift kick in the butt- CG come one girl I know you got something !!

October 23, 2012

4

Alternatives

I having been looking for alternatives for things I love that will be healthier and here are somethings I have found: Spagetti Squash instead of pasta. You can cook it in the mircowave and then stread with a fork and you have pasta, with LESS carbs. Plus it's really tasty. Couscous instead of rice. I do eat brown rice sometimes, but I get tired of it. Some times I want something that taste good and decatant, but won't kill the "diet". If you use a little olive oil in a sauce pan, heat it up add a chopped onion and 3-4 garlic cloves. Cook until the onions are done, add 1 cup of water and bring to a boil. Once it is boling take it off the heat add one cup of coucous and let it sit. Once it as sat about 4 min, take a fork and fluff- add a little parm cheese for a little extra something. While couscous does have carbs it also had more protein and fiber. If you get stuck on rice, you likely won't get stuck on this because the grains are so fine. Veggie chip instead of potato chips. I make my own chips. I purchased a Pampered Chef chip maker. I use zucchini, yellow squash, sweet potato, apples to make my own chips. Plus I can season like I want using less salt. You can make a bunch and put in plastic bags and save for later. Greek yogurt instead of sour cream in recipes. There is a slight difference, but you like will not notice. I use the 0% Fage. Bullion instead of oil in veggies. If you are from the south, your mama likely put a little grease in her veggies (like steamed cabbage or string beans). To perk of the flavor just add a teaspoon of beef bullion to veggies. This will give you flavor and all the salt you'll want. Fruit parfait rather than a sundae. When I want a dessert type food this is my go to. Cut up one large strawberry in the bottom of a bowl top with a Table spoon of Fage 0% greek yogurt, put a few blue berries on top. Sprinkle a teaspoon or organic granola or flax seed on top. Another good treat is to cut a fresh peach in half, place on a hot grill and flip about 2 min later cook 2 more min, remove top with a small spoon of greek yogurt- this is really yummy. These are just a few I have found- what healthy swaps have you found?

June 7, 2013

3

Die Hard......

It is to true that old habits die hard. It doesn't seem to matter how long ago you put them away, you thought for good, they will still on occassion rear their ugly head. If we are not on the look out for them, it is very easy to fall prey. This weekend, the hubs and I hosted my mom's 65 birthday party. I had about 35 people at my house. While it was an awesome night and every one had fun, I realized that I screwed up. Our menu was hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill, sides were: chips, tater salad, cole slaw, baked beans, mac and cheese. I thought ahead enough to know I couldn't do the bread, so that was fine, I bought skinless hot dogs so I could have one with a little slaw on the side. I did good in the fact that I avoid the chips, mac and cheese, and tater salad. I had a small spoon of baked beans. I was having a great time. I ate slowly- no stuck problems. Then it was dessert time. I had made a homemade apple cobbler and peach cobbler and had purchased a beautiful cake from BJ's. I also had ice cream to go with these. I ate a peice of cake and a spoon of ice cream on the side. Granted in days past I would have eaten double, maybe triple what I ate that night. But, I still over did it. My band is really loose right now and that makes it really easy to slip up. (My appointment is Thursday- yeah) But, I can't blame my band, it is me, my choice. But, honestly I wasn't even thinking. We had a ton of cake left and chips and burgers. I sent left overs home with my brothers being that one has 5 kids at home and the other has 3 at home. I did keep one small square of cake for me and my hubs to share- shouldn't have done that. Yesterday, I woke up with the mother of all migraines. I managed to stay up right long enough to feed the dogs and tell the hubs I was going back to bed. I stayed their till noon. I got up cleaned my house up from the party the night before and the head ache returned, I hit the couch. I hardly moved yesterday. Felt like crap. This morning I felt better- got up and hit the scale before heading out to work. 191.3- well the weekend certainly showing it's self. 3 lbs up for the lowest. I keep bouncing between 188 and 191 for the past 3 weeks. I know I can do better, I should do better, I want to do better- but I keep slipping up. At the moment I am like screw it I want this- then I feel aweful. Granted I don't slip to bad, but a slip is a slip and bad either way. I worry that I will never drop below this weight. Is this where I am destined to stay? Will I self-sabatage myself more? How do I get back on track and stay there? You may say, well you have to do it, you have to want it. I do want it and I know I have to do it- but it is not easy, WLS is NOT the easy way out.

June 3, 2013

4

Admissions of Guilt

Here are some things that I need to admit: 1- I can not do this journey alone. My husband is awesome and so very supportive, but he isn't on the same path as me and it's makes it difficult to see him eating certain things and I have to tell myself no. I don't have anyone to call and vent to or talk me down. I thought I could do it with his support, but I need support from those on the same wagon train. 2- I am addicted to food. When all else fails eat. When you are sad, happy, mad, glad, worried, sleepy eat. 3- The only thing to blame for me not having lost more weight is me, myself and I. I choose to eat things I shouldn't have and more than I should have. 4- I am a master of excuses. If you have something you don't want to do, let me know I can give you 100 different excuses for not. 5- I have good intetions, but have trouble following through. I often "plan" to do XYZ, but then when the time comes, the excuses come. I am starting to work on these. The journey is an ever evolving learning process. I have hidden and ignored a lot of things above, but I must face them now in order to move forward. The last week bad decisions have now shown up on the scale. This morning as I stared down at the scale shining 191, I wanted to kick my butt. I made bad choices and I am now 3 lbs up. To many that may not seem bad, but for me it is a wake up call. I have got to turn this thing around, I have got to reset. This started with me making a menu plan again last night. This way I will know what I will be eating and have less chance of making unhealhty things. I also made my lunches for the remainder of the week and packaged my breakfast, so all I have to do is pick and go. When I did this a few weeks ago it really worked, then life hit me and fell down.

May 21, 2013

5

Odds and Ends

At 3 days shy of my 1 year banding mark, I have come to a lot realizations. Through this process you tend to learn about yourself and your strength. I have come to realize, I've lied to myself for a long time. I use to think I ate healthy- WRONG. While I didn't hit fast food joints a lot, what I cooked at home wasn't cooked the healtiest and I ate a lot of processed foods. Beside that I just plain out ate a lot. I use to think that this process would be a snap for me- easy as pie- that I would be a leader and knock the docs socks off- WRONG. I have lost 60 lbs, which isn't horrible, but I could have lost a lot more. I had to realize some things about me and it took a while. It's not always easy to make the right choices when it comes to eating. I use to think- ok I can do this with out exercise- WRONG. I have lost the weight I have with little exercise. While on occassion I take a long walk with the pups, I did good for about a month on the elliptical and the hubs and I ride bikes when the weather allows. But, my workout are not routine, they are sporatic at best. Honestly, I believe I am going to have to add consistant exercise to my routine to ever lose more weight. I use to think- ok, it's okay to eat not so great food today, it's only one day- WRONG. Some people are able to do this, I am not one of them. I find that if I go out and eat something that I normally don't, say fried chicken, that will set my cravings for other not so healthy foods off. For me going off a rigid plan only leads to a slippery slope that I have great difficulty not going over. I have fallen off this slope more times than I care to count. I am currently climbing my way back up to the top. I use to think- I can do this alone- NOPE again. I need the support of so many people. When you are having a tough day, even though you know the answers to some questions, you just need someone there who can reassure you that you are correct. You need the support from the people you are around on a daily basis- spouse, kids, parents, roommates, friends and sometimes co-workers. You also really need a good open relationship with your doctor and nutrtitionist- these are the specilaist to can help you best of all with tweeks to your plan. You also need some type of support group- it could be an actual group meeting or this site- but a group of people who are going through the same thing as you are; who can understand the ups and downs. You also need somewhere that you can come and encourage others, so you feel value in this process - it's an evolving cycle. These are not nearly all the things that I learned, but it's a lot of the big ones. I've stuggled with my weight since I was 6 years old; always being the big girl. I find that I ate complusively and emotionally for years even though I didn't realize it. I realize that while I haven't done horrible on this journey, the only reason I haven't lost more is that I did fully invest in it. I thought I could do it my way and still get where I wanted and that was wrong. I have to do what the doctor and the nutrtionist recommend- healthy diet (plan- whatever you want to call it), exercise, rest, lots of water. So even though I am one year out and about 45 lbs from my goal of weight in the 140's, I am going to have to reinvest myself, get back into the game and hit it hard. I am going to have to do it or I will remain in the 180's.

June 19, 2013

1

1year and counting.....

Tomorrow I will have had George D. Band for one year. Luckily, I haven't had any problems. I have gotten about 6 fills and feel like I am in a good place. George is a little tempermental, tightening up whenever he wants to. I have lost 57 lbs and counting. The first 6 months the weight came off with what seem of ease. Then the last 6 months it's slowed to almost nothing. I know, however, the slow down is my own fault. When I began this journey in April 2012, I was excited and determined. I was banded June 22, 2012 and did everything that I was told. As time went by and the weight came off I started to become a little lax on following the rules- like a couple of extra bites here and there and eating more calories than I should. For a while I was getting on the elliptical daily or at the least every other day and getting 30 -45 min. Now my workout routine has become sporatic at best. Partly, the lack of exercise is because work has become very busy and life consuming since we are switching computer systems. Partly, I let the work outs slip because I just didn't want to do it, even though I knew I should. The last month my weight has bounced between 187-190, basically the first 50 lbs fell off the last 7 have come about a pound a month. I do follow the water thing religiously and I do not drink any type of carbonation. I have only had a couple of alcohol drink and they were mixed drinks, which is my preference anyway. I have really started these last couple of weeks trying to get back on track and not allow myself a cheat. This isn't always easy, but it is something I must do. This time of year ice cream and iced coffee from McDonalds are deamons. I love these things during the summer months, so I am trying to avoid them. I hope that I can rededicated my life to dear George and get him working like a champ again. I admit that I have not lived up to my end of the bargin, but George has agree to forgive me. However, George must be a little upset at me because for the last two days he has decided to tighten up to the point yogurt is my food of choice and it keeps me going for 4 hours. I wish he'd loosen up just a touch. So to sum it up after a year of happy marriage to dear George D. Band we are still stitched together, just needing a little couple's therapy.

June 21, 2013

1

I Am Becoming One Of Those People.......

I use to have people say, oh I didn't realize it was lunch time. I would be like yeah right, how the heck do you forget lunch. Today I was sitting in my office working and someone walked into my office and ask, aren't you eating lunch. I was like huh, it's to early then I looked at the clock 12:30 - WOW I had no idea it was lunch time. I also use to get annoyed when friends would eat a small salad or an apple and be like man I am so full. I had an apple and natural peanut butter for lunch and geez I am full. I actually really enjoyed my healthy lunch. I can't believe I am already one of those people. While eating one apple slice I didn't chew enough and felt it get caught a bit, no PB'ing or sickness just a little tightness. Wow I have a band and it's working. Yesterday instead of cooking like I would normally do on a rainy day I got on our elliptical and worked out and it felt good. I am enjoying working out- WTH? I am doing it, I am really doing it!!! I lost 2 lbs in the last week --- YEAH Me!! I am finally becoming the person I always wanted to be and the person who I was always jealous of. I know I will have a day again that I am doubting my band, but today I am thrilled with it. I feel like my band is helping me achieve a life long dream. Thanks to all of you out there who inspire me to keep it up - Missy, carolina girl, jean - thanks for the help and for the post that kick me into action. Bansters ROCK!

August 20, 2012

4

Scratching to Climb this Mountain....

The last week has been emotional. I have a lot going on in both my professional life as well as my personal life. I have a lot of decisions to make on both fronts that will effect the rest of my life. So needless to say I feel a little out of sorts. At work we are changing systems and I have to write a software program to track some things that won't be tracked in the new system. Plus, I have to get all the training in for the new system so I can train everyone else. My mother-in-law is begging us to come up north to see her. While we want to, right now with my crazy work life it is hard to find some time to take off. My dog got crazy sick last Thursday night. Vomiting blood- we were at the ER vet at 3 am. Thank God she is better, but I am having to watch her like a hawk. Plus, she has gotten really clingy during all of this. We have had a contractor working on our house. Had our deck enlarged from a 10x14 to a 25x14. Managed to get to my mom's for mothers day, which I ate a dessert and shouldn't have. I had to leave my dog for a few hours with the hubs, which caused the dog to howl for 45 min, driving the hubs crazy. She finally tuckered herself out and went to sleep. Mother's Day is hard for me. If I wouldn't have lost my first child, she would be 3 and a half now. I have lost two more since losing her. Then I went to my OB/GYN Monday and was told my chance for having a child are slim. He said I can keep trying, but he would not get to invested until we are through the first trimester and half of the 2nd. So it's hard to decide if we should give it another go or not. The thought of seeing a postive pregnancy test I think would scare me. I am so scared of losing another one. My weight loss is still at a sllllooooowww pace. Since Dec. I have only lost 10 lbs. It's hard to stay positive and focused when I seem to be getting hits from all side. Last week was pretty good weight wise. I went down to 188. After Mother's Day weekend and a splurge up to 190. It is so easy to put on and so hard to take off. It seems I can't even have one cookie without my body flipping out and gaining weight. Being that I seem to stay busy from before the sun rises until after it set finding time to work out has been difficult. I am exhusted from the fast pace of life right now, and the knowledge that it's not going to get any better any time soon. On top of all this the hubs and I are trying to figure out if I should go back to school to finish out my degree that I was forced to give up on years ago due to finances. So as you can see I have a lot going on. I am not sure what to do or which way to turn. I am just tired!!

May 15, 2013

4

Embarrishment

When my hubs ask his mom what her Mother's Day/Birthday Wish was, her answer was come up and see me. My MIL lives in Ohio and we see her about once, sometimes twice a year. She is a sweet little lady and I want to make her happy. But, with my insane work issues these days, it has been hard for the hubs and I to set a date to go. Which seemed to make the MIL very sad, but she didn't say anything. After some time and getting some training dates and such I figured out when I could manage to get a few days off work. So last night we called her and told her we were looking at the weekend of July 27th and wanted to make sure that would work for her. She was elated and said that she would make it okay, if that was the only time it would work for us. So date said, headed north that weekend. My MIL cheerfully continued to talk a bit and ask how much had I lost now. I turned red faced! When she was here in November she took me shopping for new clothes, at that time I had lost right at 50 lbs. Now it is 6 months later and I am only 8 more lbs down. So I lied a touch- I told her I was down 60 lbs and I am only down 58- so not to bad. My MIL had a friend who lost 100 lbs in a year. I am afraid she is going to be disappointed when she sees me. I know it shouldn't bother me and I should be happy with the results so far, but I want her to see me as a success not a failure. For some odd reason I always feel a need to impress my MIL. When I first started see my hubs it took her a long time to warm up to me. I am 7 almost 8 years younger than my honey. While she didn't say anything to him, she ask mutual friends if they thought I was just going for him for his money or if I really love him. Of course that was a LOL because I had seen his bank statement and if I was in it for money I would have quickly broken up with him. Anyway, she was still not getting the warm and fuzzys when we married, she told me on our wedding day - "make my son happy and don't leave him". Her tone was one of if you hurt him I will hurt you! My husband's first wife walked out on him just said she didn't love him maybe never did. He was messed up from this for a while. When I got pregnant the MIL was all of a sudden so happy that I was in his life. After all I was going to give her a grandbaby. Then we had to call her a few weeks later and tell her we had lost the baby- this killed me - I hated to hear the disappointment in her voice, but she was very sweet to me. Since that time she and I have gotten along very well. All I want to do is please her, which is nuts. Hopefully, getting on the Vit D will help my weight start heading down- maybe I will be at the 60 mark by July! I hope so.

May 28, 2013

3

Wall Flower

Growing up I was always the wall flower. I was the kid a teacher never knew was in class. I was quiet and kept to myself for the most part. While I did have friends, I was careful at school not to get in trouble or break rules, that was just me. I was never loud or abnoxius and never wanted to go against the grain. I was a blender, always blending into the back ground where ever I was. As I got older this trend continued, the only place where I would step up and take a lead was in my job, because that is where I have to. Being a manager I had to be the head of what I did and often times would have to public speak, but that was fine because it was my area of expertise. I always thought my wall flowerness was due to my weight and my not wanting to be seen. But, after losing 50 lbs I have come to see this is just who I am. I still am not a flashy person. I don't like wearing things that make me stand out- I wear normal colors not flashy bright ones. I won't color my hair a odd color for me because it would draw attention. While I feel better about myself I am still the same old wall flower. Even on this site, I post questions and post blogs on a regular basis, but many times do not get feed back or response, which frankly is a little disheartening. But, I must except I am the wall flower and that is just who I am. Maybe one day I will bloom into a beautiful rose that is noticed, but I doubt it, but I am me.

February 12, 2013

4

1St Time Being Sick Since Banded

I guess it's the weather here in NC, but today I have a sore throat, head ache and sneezing. Totally sucks! I feel nauseous from the sinus drainage. On the plus side it makes me not want to eat and the coughing is giving my abs an awesome workout. How does one handle nausea and the band? I have always been a person who tosses her cookies easily. After surgery I got sick 4 times before it was controlled and I haven't had anything since. However, now I find myself nauseated and worried about getting sick and hurting my band. Any advice?

October 1, 2012

3

Why The 'tude Dude?

I have been on this site for 5 months and have noticed that post can sometimes get a little heated. I sometime get heated - when someone tells me I am doing wrong. Well, if I am doing wrong them it's because my surgeon told me to. I have met with and emailed my nutrtionist with every question I have had to make sure I am on track. I go to my surgeon monthly for a fill and discussion about my progress. From June 22, 2012 until Dec. 2, 2012 I have gone from 244 lbs to 199! I have gone from wearing a 20/22 to a 14/16. Obviously, I am not do that much wrong because I am losing lbs and inches. I eat healthy, good foods - do I ever eat something that would be considered unhealthy- yes, but not daily and not even weekly. I talked it over with my doctor and nutritionist and both said do not totally deprive myself, but limit. Guess what I want to lose so I limit!!!! When I am dying for a cupcake when I am pmsing I go get ONE cupcake and eat it- no more, some times it's only 2 bits and the hubs finishes it. It took my craving away and did not drive me to ruin. I appreciate all the hard core banders who can preach ya da ya da is the end all be all and if you aren't living banded this way then you are wrong. I am sorry, but get off your high hourse and build a bridge, if you are not a bariatric specialist then do not tell me how I should live banded life. When I answer questions I answer from my perspective, from what my doctor has told me, I do not tell people they must take my advice I just put it out there rather than trying to choke them on it. I have an excellent line of communication going with my team doctors (family doc and surgeon) and my nutritionist to make sure I am doing what I am suppose to and getting the right result in a healthy way. Last month I hit a plateau and didn't move for a month. My surgeon sat me down and told me to calm down, the month before I had lost 8lbs, he said likely my body was taking a break, that unless the plateau last 3 months to just breath and stick to the plan. Well in a few days I was headed down and hit 199. Bottom line is we are all on a journey, each journey will present with different pot holes, curves and hills - it is up to us to seek guidance from our professional team to know how we need to navaigate those issues. On here people need support and need to know how your journey is going - the way you got around your curve may be different from who someone else gets around theres. Tough love is needed- if a person admits to eating crap and gaining the yes it is there fault they are gaining. But until the facts are known please do not just down a person throat.

December 4, 2012

4

The Band Vs. Vacation

I just returned for a wonderful week of warmth and sunshine in Orlando, Florida. This was my first vacation and first time flying since being banded. I talked to my doc before hand about this and she advised to not get a fill and eat and enjoy food, but with in reason. Last Saturday we had to be at the airport at 3:30, so we got lunch at the airport- first stuck episode. So embarrassing having to run to the public restroom with my hand over my mouth. We got to Florida and I just drank some Vitamin Water Zero (no calorie). First thing the next morning I figured I would go for yogurt for breakfast since I had gotten stuck so bad. Well, I just stuck on the yogurt. Again, Vitamin Water Zero. Later in the day I was dying for something, so I got some Froyo 120 calorie with protein added. That perked me up. That night after having walked over 22500 steps I really wanted food!! At a nice restaurant I order some grilled fish and that went well- I thought I finally was good. The week went on and I didn't get through one day without getting stuck at least once. I never knew what would do it. Yesterday before flying home I wasn't able to eat anything at all. I sucked on ice most of the day and drank a slim fast when I got home. Today, I have been able to eat cereal, but that is all. My weight this morning was up by 4 lbs since last Saturday. I am however on my period and since I have eaten out for a week I am sure sodium levels are up. I am not freaking out about the weight being up, just bother by not being able to eat anything. So I have learned lapband and vacation isn't the best mix, but I will make the best of it, because I don't plan on giving up either.

April 6, 2013

6

Instant Gradification Junkie

I have a serious problem with wanting instant gradification. I think I've always been this way. My mom says patience was never my strong suit. I guess this is way gaining weight was so easy for me. You eat, it taste good, instant grad. Where the calories don't build up to pounds quickly so I don't see the negive consequence so fast. I went into this surgery knowing that the loss would not be instant, however I did believe I would have lost more by this point (only 55 lbs in 10 months). I did well the first little bit, but then it has taken me 4 months to lose 10 lbs. I worry that I've lost all I will lose, a co-worker has told me over and over that with lapband you only lose 50 to 60 % of your excess body weight, and I am right there. With exercise I also find it hard to keep on schedule. Due to my desire for instant gradification I find it difficult to say walk, do the elliptical, lift weights for x length of time because I see no result afterwards. Now, I love cutting my grass (I push mow my .28 acre), working in my flowers, even cleaning my kitchen and house because when I am done I can see a difference- instant grad. I know I need a regular exerecise plan, but I am having a really hard time sticking to one. I can go a month maybe two then I slack off due to other obligations that get in the way. Once I don't do it one day it makes it hard to get back at it. The hubs fusses at me for this, but he does the same thing. At one point we were walking the dogs on the trail behind the house every night, but long hours at work rain, we don't do that now. My eating I think I am doing well with. I am making good choices, eating small portions, and drinking water. I know that limiting my carbs more than I have already done may help me get it down even more, but I worry I wouldn't be able to keep that up long term. I am a meat and potatos girl, always have been. I think basically I need to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, stop wining and do something!!! I find it easier to cut carbs than I think, I had a much easier time letting go of soda than I thought I would. The exercise may still be an issue, but maybe I will be more apt to do it if I get a gym membership- I don't like to waste money. I am in contemplative mode right now, the pity party is over, I am planning now to get over this hump. I want to kick my want power into high geer!! Please any one who want to kick me in the seat of the pants, bring it on. I want to move forward!

April 29, 2013

6

What, I am full, already??

I got a fill last Tuesday of .5 cc to give me a total of aroud 7cc. Last week was normal didn't really feel much extra restriction. This week- wowser! Yesterday the restriction kicked in and I think I had the best band day ever (food wise) day started with 20 oz of water 1 cup of coffee (black) 1 cup of Special K with 1/2 cup 2% milk (breakfast) Smart Ones Four Cheese Pizza (lunch) 3oz chop steak 1/2 cup scalloped potatos (didn't eat it all) No snacks!!! I stayed satisfied all day long with no snacks. Yesterday was the hubs B-day and he requested seasoned chopsteak and homemade scalloped potatos, so this was what we had. The chop steaks are 3 oz each. Preband I would eat 2 plus 2 sides and still have room, not now! I eat about 3 bites of steak and 2 bites of potatos and full! I thought WTH, wow, I am full on no more than that!! So I pack the remainder in a tupperware bowl for lunch today. I didn't get hungery later in the evening, I just felt good. I am loving this new found freedom from food. I like getting my fill on so much less- it's rush.

January 17, 2013

6

Nature's Dinner

Having planted my own little urban garden this year, I have been enjoying natures bounty. I have spaghetti squash, yellow squash, zucchini squash, cherry tomatoes, cucumbers, and sweet bell peppers. So I have had lots of veggies to cook. So the following are some meals I have prepared with natures goodies: Spaghetti Squash Garlic Alfredo I cook the squash in the microwave, which takes just a little bit. I make my own garlic alfredo using garlic cloves, olive oil, 2% milk and flour. It's yummy and far less calories than the store bought kind. Sprinkle a touch of parm on top- yummy. Veggie frittata Saute zucchini, cherry tomatoes, onions, peppers add beaten egg and a dash of 2% milk - sprinkle with a touch of monteray jack cheese and it's a yummy meal that reheats wonderful. Grilled Squash Sliced squash tossed in a touch of olive oil, salt and pepper and place on a grill tray and grilled till tender enjoy or sprinkle with a touch of parm cheese. Spaghetti Squash and Veggies Cook Squash in the microwave Touch of olive oil- sauté onion, peppers, cherry tomatoes, squash- salt, pepper to taste, dash of lemon juice. Toss with squash- sprinkle with parm cheese. These are just a few things I have done in the last few weeks - it's nice to eat out of my own garden. I know it's organic, I know it's fresh, and it is soooo good!

June 24, 2013

2

Puff The Magic Dragon

Sunday I finally saw something I had been waiting years to see....199.2 on the scale. I was so excited to finally be below the 200 mark, which I am sure most of you can understand. Flash forward to this morning 201.8 - the wonderful water weight gain. When I woke up this morning I knew instantly I was retaining. My eyes and face were puffy, my hands felt tight. According to by BC pill pack next week is my TOM. Even though I haven't had a period since surgery (no, not pregnant) I still have the water weight gain and the wonderful moods. Right now I ache, my back hurts, my face hurts - how in the world did I manage to pack on that much water over night? By band is NOT happy about this- I barely got my special K down this morning. Frankly, I am getting reflux from my water this morning. So it's all liquids today until this water gets out of me. Anyone got any ideas how to flush the water out aside from fluid pills? I don't like being Puff the not so magic dragon.

December 6, 2012

3

Shake the Sheets

This morning I did my norm morning routine. Got up pottied and got on the scale before dressing (TMI I know, but it is always best to weigh in you birthday suit). The hubs walks in and hugs me and says "geez I can reach my elbows when I wrap my arms around you". Then he said "I'm proud of you babe, but don't get so skinny I have to shake the sheets to find ya". For those who don't know my husband is visually impaired. His vision is 20/800 - legally blind since birth. Granted he is well educated graduated with honors with a degree in computer science and is a well respected software engineer. He just can't see very well. So it's always been the running joke that he feel for me because I was large print (he always replied to that with you said that not me). Now he is joking saying I am getting so small he won't be able to see me anymore. The joking is all in fun- he is very supportive of my weight loss journey and is helping me leaps and bounds. But I must say it would be nice for him to have to shake the sheets to find me

February 1, 2013

5

Decisions.....

I had the lapband just a little over 11 months ago and have lost 58 lbs. Most within the 1st 6 months. I am glad I did it, it has change how I look at food and what I put in my mouth. I do feel healthier, just wish my weight loss was more. I have made no secret about my anxiety disorder on this site. While I don't really like telling people around me about my disorder, I want this place to be my safe zone where I can discuss it. I am currently taking Paxel, which has changed my life, in the fact that I hardly have any symptoms of my disorder now- which is AWESOME!! I also, have discussed my difficulty in having a child. Prior to getting banded I had 3 miscarriages. The doctors never figured out the cause. Now, I have been given the green light from my surgeon to try for a child, I have to stop my Paxel. This worries me, the last thing I needs is my anxiety returning during pregnancy. My OB/GYN has is trying to transition me for Paxil to a different SSRI that is ok during pregnancy. Once I have been ok on that for a month or two I can go ahead and try. This being said, the hubs and I have decided to try one more time. With all the med stuff, we can't try until July or Aug, but we are going to try. I am not sure if it will take this time around or not. Honestly, I some what fear getting pregnant, in that I know I will gain weight and I don't want to gain weight, but I must for a healthy baby. So to that end I must be very careful and take good care of myself to make sure I don't gain any more weight than I need to. None the less I am excited about trying again and I know that with support and help whatever weight I do gain I can get back off once the little one is here. So please send a prayer up for me!!

May 30, 2013

2

Compairsons

It is in our human nature to compare one thing to the other. We do it from the time we are kids- remember with siblings- he got more than me thing. We start compairing early. By the time we reach school age we are compairing clothes, looks, ect with our classmates. And you always hear he's/she's not as cute as xyz. Then we begin compairing ourselves to others- her hair is prettier than mine, she has more friends than me, she has nicer clothes, ect. Our self esteems are molded some what by these compairsons. I know for certian mine were. I have always felt like the ugly duckling. I have been large since 5 years old. In school I was picked on and it got worse in middle school. I hated being fat, but all that hate just drove me to the nearest donut, which intern made me fater. Now that I am taking control of my life and have had lapband and am losing weight, the compairsons do not end. Chances are all of us have compared our self to another member of this forum- either boy I am glad I am not them they aren't losing much weight- or - it's not fair she is losing more weight than me. It's just in our nature. I have compared myself to others several times and gotten down and out. Some people are really rocking it. I talked to my nutritionist about this and she had some great throughts. 1- Body weight percentage has to been taken into account- those with more to lose will lose quicker. 2- Life style - some people have jobs that are more active than others and we can't control that- most of us need to work and have to do what we do. Some people can't due to health reason work out where others can. 3- Muscle mass- some people scale wise appear to not be losing, but are losing fat because they are working out and building muscle that weighes more than fat- this is a great thing because the more muscle you have the more fat your burn. 4- responsiblity- it is sometimes our own fault when we aren't losing- we CHOOSE to eat high calorie foods that just slide down, we CHOOSE not to be active, we CHOOSE not to follow doctors orders This conversation with my nutritionist made me feel better. She said that when I compair myself to another person I need to look at these things. If I am doing everything I am suppose to do then I have no need to belittle myself. The bottom line is at the end of each month the scale trend in going down, therefore I am successful for me! I hope that I can stop compairing myself to others, but if I happen to I will take these things into account before I let the bad thoughts drive me to a mouth full of krispy creme.

October 17, 2012

3

A Healthy Kinda Feeling

Despite my current cold I seem to have I am feeling healthy. I am not sure if it's the weight loss, my state of mind, the vitamins I am on or what, but I am looking and feeling healthier. I've lost 37 lbs in 3.5 months I am working out more, taking vitamins and eating better. My hair is shiny and soft - my curls are fluffy and pretty. My skin is clearning up, obviously I am smaller because I am wearing smaller clothes. My nails look healthier. All in all I look different not just in size. It's nice to start feeling better about myself again. I am only about half way to my goal, but seeing these signs of health are motivating. I want to be healthy and I would like to be pretty to. I have always been the big girl who wanted to fade into the back ground in my personal life, in work I am more of a go getter. I do a lot of traning and talking in front of large groups and that doesn't bother me because I am talking about something I know well. Now work is changing we are switching up databases so I must learn an entire new system and train my staff on it. While I am nervous, I am always up for a challenge at work, so why was I so worried about the challenge in my personal life. This weightloss is a challange. I am having to say no to things I would have once said yes to. I am having to choose to eat better things and less of it. I have finally gotten it through my thick skull that a calorie is a calorie no matter if it's from salad or steak. I am becoming more of a balanced person, I feel accountable and in control of my work life and my personal life and what a great feeling that is. There are days and even weeks where I get discouraged and down, but I have great friends and family who are ready to pick me up and cheer me foward until I can get the wind back in my sail again. Thanks to those of you out there who have been the wind in my sail a few times when I've been down. I hope I can return the favor one day.

October 11, 2012

4

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