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Lapband Journey

Entries in this blog

 

Scratching to Climb this Mountain....

The last week has been emotional. I have a lot going on in both my professional life as well as my personal life. I have a lot of decisions to make on both fronts that will effect the rest of my life. So needless to say I feel a little out of sorts.   At work we are changing systems and I have to write a software program to track some things that won't be tracked in the new system. Plus, I have to get all the training in for the new system so I can train everyone else.   My mother-in-law is begging us to come up north to see her. While we want to, right now with my crazy work life it is hard to find some time to take off.   My dog got crazy sick last Thursday night. Vomiting blood- we were at the ER vet at 3 am. Thank God she is better, but I am having to watch her like a hawk. Plus, she has gotten really clingy during all of this.   We have had a contractor working on our house. Had our deck enlarged from a 10x14 to a 25x14.   Managed to get to my mom's for mothers day, which I ate a dessert and shouldn't have. I had to leave my dog for a few hours with the hubs, which caused the dog to howl for 45 min, driving the hubs crazy. She finally tuckered herself out and went to sleep.   Mother's Day is hard for me. If I wouldn't have lost my first child, she would be 3 and a half now. I have lost two more since losing her. Then I went to my OB/GYN Monday and was told my chance for having a child are slim. He said I can keep trying, but he would not get to invested until we are through the first trimester and half of the 2nd. So it's hard to decide if we should give it another go or not. The thought of seeing a postive pregnancy test I think would scare me. I am so scared of losing another one.   My weight loss is still at a sllllooooowww pace. Since Dec. I have only lost 10 lbs. It's hard to stay positive and focused when I seem to be getting hits from all side. Last week was pretty good weight wise. I went down to 188. After Mother's Day weekend and a splurge up to 190. It is so easy to put on and so hard to take off. It seems I can't even have one cookie without my body flipping out and gaining weight. Being that I seem to stay busy from before the sun rises until after it set finding time to work out has been difficult.   I am exhusted from the fast pace of life right now, and the knowledge that it's not going to get any better any time soon.   On top of all this the hubs and I are trying to figure out if I should go back to school to finish out my degree that I was forced to give up on years ago due to finances.   So as you can see I have a lot going on. I am not sure what to do or which way to turn. I am just tired!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

A Healthy Kinda Feeling

Despite my current cold I seem to have I am feeling healthy. I am not sure if it's the weight loss, my state of mind, the vitamins I am on or what, but I am looking and feeling healthier.   I've lost 37 lbs in 3.5 months I am working out more, taking vitamins and eating better.   My hair is shiny and soft - my curls are fluffy and pretty. My skin is clearning up, obviously I am smaller because I am wearing smaller clothes. My nails look healthier. All in all I look different not just in size. It's nice to start feeling better about myself again.   I am only about half way to my goal, but seeing these signs of health are motivating. I want to be healthy and I would like to be pretty to.   I have always been the big girl who wanted to fade into the back ground in my personal life, in work I am more of a go getter. I do a lot of traning and talking in front of large groups and that doesn't bother me because I am talking about something I know well. Now work is changing we are switching up databases so I must learn an entire new system and train my staff on it. While I am nervous, I am always up for a challenge at work, so why was I so worried about the challenge in my personal life.   This weightloss is a challange. I am having to say no to things I would have once said yes to. I am having to choose to eat better things and less of it. I have finally gotten it through my thick skull that a calorie is a calorie no matter if it's from salad or steak.   I am becoming more of a balanced person, I feel accountable and in control of my work life and my personal life and what a great feeling that is. There are days and even weeks where I get discouraged and down, but I have great friends and family who are ready to pick me up and cheer me foward until I can get the wind back in my sail again.   Thanks to those of you out there who have been the wind in my sail a few times when I've been down. I hope I can return the favor one day.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Wall Flower

Growing up I was always the wall flower. I was the kid a teacher never knew was in class. I was quiet and kept to myself for the most part. While I did have friends, I was careful at school not to get in trouble or break rules, that was just me. I was never loud or abnoxius and never wanted to go against the grain. I was a blender, always blending into the back ground where ever I was. As I got older this trend continued, the only place where I would step up and take a lead was in my job, because that is where I have to. Being a manager I had to be the head of what I did and often times would have to public speak, but that was fine because it was my area of expertise.   I always thought my wall flowerness was due to my weight and my not wanting to be seen. But, after losing 50 lbs I have come to see this is just who I am. I still am not a flashy person. I don't like wearing things that make me stand out- I wear normal colors not flashy bright ones. I won't color my hair a odd color for me because it would draw attention. While I feel better about myself I am still the same old wall flower.   Even on this site, I post questions and post blogs on a regular basis, but many times do not get feed back or response, which frankly is a little disheartening.   But, I must except I am the wall flower and that is just who I am. Maybe one day I will bloom into a beautiful rose that is noticed, but I doubt it, but I am me.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Coping Skills

Even though I work in computers now with the school system, my college degree was actually Counseling with a concentration in Substance Abuse.   While working at a drug treatment center I worked with patients on developing coping skills to help them deal with cravings to use. We would tell them, they must avoid people, places and things that are triggers; some to the point of having to live some where other than where they came from.   During that time I was in denial that I myself was an addict, but my drug of choice was food. Unfortunatly, I can't avoid food. I must eat, but as I continue on the self reflective journey I have been on of late, I realize that I have food triggers. Cookies- I love them, they are buttery and chewy and oh so good. If I make cookies and eat one, I can't stop- I must eat more. Ice Cream is another problem, I love ice cream, any shape or form- cones, cups, shakes- yum. So I know, no ice cream should be kept in the house because I won't stop until it is all gone.   Now you may say, where is you will power, where is your want power? I do want to lose weight, but there are times where it is like an out of body experience, I realize what I am doing is wrong and I will regret it, but I can't stop- this is classic addict behavior.   If you are able to use your want power to prevent you from ever slipping up- awesome for you- but addicts many times can not rely strictly on that.   I am actully going back and reading some of my old college textbooks to help myself with this addiction. While I have lost a little more than half of what I want to lose, in order for me to lose more and here is the key- keep it off- I must figure out my triggers and develop coping skills for dealing with these.   Is this journey easy- heck no! Will it be worth it- heck yes. But, I feel I will be much more successful long term now that I am looking at this for what it is! Just like drug, tobacco, alcohol addiction is a life long battle- so is food addiction.   For those of you who what I am saying rings true, take a look at yourself- what are your triggers- what can you do to cope with them.   So with that- Hello, my name is Kim and I am a foodaholic.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Vents

Just like the temps in NC today my temper is warm.   Last week I went on a wonderful 5 day vacation with the hubs. We were in Orlando and took in Disney and SeaWorld. It was great and boy did I move it, move it!! My step counts for the days were redic- 22500 the first day and the following days from 15000 to 20000. I only partook on one alcholic drink. Due to band tightness I wasn't able to eat very much. However, when I did eat it wasn't the healthest due to it being away from home. I tried to make good choices, but you just never know what they put in things. I spluged and had ice cream twice - not huge amounts - one cup. The icecream and one crepe was the ONLY desert like things I had while there.   When we returned and I weight on the 6th I was up 4 lbs from the 30th when we left. I thought, okay, salt in take was likely higher than normal, plus I was on my TOM. I figured once my monthly vistor checked out and I got back to flushing my system the weight would drop. Well....... Sunday I was down a half lb, Monday down and half more. I have now been at 192.5 for two days. Before leaving I was 190.   I was so looking forward to the 180's. I have been in the 190's since Dec and I am soooo sick of it.   Since getting back I have remained moving. I have been trying to keep my steps around 8000-12000 a day. I am drinking my water again my TOM is done. So why are those pesky pounds sticking around.   I am frustrated. I have been in the same 10 lb range for 4 months- enough already!!!! Frankly, I am worried because what if my body won't let go of more weight? I am sticking to the plan, moving, talking to my doc and my weight is not going down any more.   My doc says I have done great and not to worry so much, I should just stay the course and I will be fine.   I so want to hit the 140's, my body just doesn't apparently.   Have any of you experience long plateaus or extreme slow down in weight loss? Please your expereices are welcome!!!!!!!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Surgery Pains

My mom has had a rather bad hiatal hernia for the past 3 years. In the last year and a half it seemed to give her hell- nausea, inablity to eat, not able to drink much. In that year she went from the 170's to the 120's. But my mom refused to do anything about it because she was caring for my dying grandmother. Grandma passed in Oct, so mom finally agreed to see a surgeon.   My lapband doc also happens to do these types of surgery as well. I spoke to him about her and he said to get her to come in. After talking he agreed that her nausea and in ablity to eat much if at all was due to having 1/3 of her stomach in her chest and that surgery needed to be done soon.   Yesterday was surgery day. I don't mind being the patient, but I hate it when I have to watch those that I love go through pain. The doc came in and saw us pre-op and assured us everything would be fine. Mom went in and in about 2 hours the doc came out and said things went great, however instead of having 1/3 of her stomach in her chest she had over half of her stomach in her chest putting pressure on her heart and lungs. I have not idea what this could have done in the long run, but I am glad it's fixed. The doc said he had an easy time getting everything back into place and he did a plication to prevent her stomach from moving and put mesh in to repair the hold in the diaphram.   When we finally saw her she was in horrible pain, which I expected. However, the insurance would not allow her to stay over night. So the doc told her the best thing to do was to go back to my house, which is only 20 min away verses her house which is an hour and a half away. So she came and stayed with me.   This morning the gas pain was better, but she said she was sore to just breath. The doctor said this would happen since he had to work in her chest cavity. She is onl liquids for the next couple of days before going to mushy, but I know she can do it.   Surgery, while painful and the afterward can often times make the need seem less evil, surgery is an amazing thing. Doctors have the ability to give us our life back. Mom lost weight because of illness and had to have surgery so she can eat, I had to have surgery to lose weight. Thank goodness for doctors with the knowledge and skill to do this.   I have no doubt that what my mom had done was more technical since as he said he was looking at her heart, but he was skilled enough to do what needed to be done, to help her get better.   A doctor with this much skill and ability to do these procedures well, don't you think we should listen to them. Use them for what they are there for- to help us heal and answer our questions along the way.   If you have a great doc, let him or her know how you appreciate them and their ability not only by telling them, but by listening to them and asking questions.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Die Hard......

It is to true that old habits die hard. It doesn't seem to matter how long ago you put them away, you thought for good, they will still on occassion rear their ugly head. If we are not on the look out for them, it is very easy to fall prey.   This weekend, the hubs and I hosted my mom's 65 birthday party. I had about 35 people at my house. While it was an awesome night and every one had fun, I realized that I screwed up.   Our menu was hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill, sides were: chips, tater salad, cole slaw, baked beans, mac and cheese. I thought ahead enough to know I couldn't do the bread, so that was fine, I bought skinless hot dogs so I could have one with a little slaw on the side. I did good in the fact that I avoid the chips, mac and cheese, and tater salad. I had a small spoon of baked beans.   I was having a great time. I ate slowly- no stuck problems. Then it was dessert time. I had made a homemade apple cobbler and peach cobbler and had purchased a beautiful cake from BJ's. I also had ice cream to go with these. I ate a peice of cake and a spoon of ice cream on the side.   Granted in days past I would have eaten double, maybe triple what I ate that night. But, I still over did it. My band is really loose right now and that makes it really easy to slip up. (My appointment is Thursday- yeah) But, I can't blame my band, it is me, my choice. But, honestly I wasn't even thinking.   We had a ton of cake left and chips and burgers. I sent left overs home with my brothers being that one has 5 kids at home and the other has 3 at home. I did keep one small square of cake for me and my hubs to share- shouldn't have done that.   Yesterday, I woke up with the mother of all migraines. I managed to stay up right long enough to feed the dogs and tell the hubs I was going back to bed. I stayed their till noon. I got up cleaned my house up from the party the night before and the head ache returned, I hit the couch. I hardly moved yesterday. Felt like crap.   This morning I felt better- got up and hit the scale before heading out to work. 191.3- well the weekend certainly showing it's self. 3 lbs up for the lowest. I keep bouncing between 188 and 191 for the past 3 weeks.   I know I can do better, I should do better, I want to do better- but I keep slipping up. At the moment I am like screw it I want this- then I feel aweful. Granted I don't slip to bad, but a slip is a slip and bad either way.   I worry that I will never drop below this weight. Is this where I am destined to stay? Will I self-sabatage myself more? How do I get back on track and stay there?   You may say, well you have to do it, you have to want it. I do want it and I know I have to do it- but it is not easy, WLS is NOT the easy way out.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Why The 'tude Dude?

I have been on this site for 5 months and have noticed that post can sometimes get a little heated. I sometime get heated - when someone tells me I am doing wrong.   Well, if I am doing wrong them it's because my surgeon told me to. I have met with and emailed my nutrtionist with every question I have had to make sure I am on track. I go to my surgeon monthly for a fill and discussion about my progress.   From June 22, 2012 until Dec. 2, 2012 I have gone from 244 lbs to 199! I have gone from wearing a 20/22 to a 14/16. Obviously, I am not do that much wrong because I am losing lbs and inches. I eat healthy, good foods - do I ever eat something that would be considered unhealthy- yes, but not daily and not even weekly. I talked it over with my doctor and nutritionist and both said do not totally deprive myself, but limit. Guess what I want to lose so I limit!!!! When I am dying for a cupcake when I am pmsing I go get ONE cupcake and eat it- no more, some times it's only 2 bits and the hubs finishes it. It took my craving away and did not drive me to ruin.   I appreciate all the hard core banders who can preach ya da ya da is the end all be all and if you aren't living banded this way then you are wrong. I am sorry, but get off your high hourse and build a bridge, if you are not a bariatric specialist then do not tell me how I should live banded life. When I answer questions I answer from my perspective, from what my doctor has told me, I do not tell people they must take my advice I just put it out there rather than trying to choke them on it.   I have an excellent line of communication going with my team doctors (family doc and surgeon) and my nutritionist to make sure I am doing what I am suppose to and getting the right result in a healthy way. Last month I hit a plateau and didn't move for a month. My surgeon sat me down and told me to calm down, the month before I had lost 8lbs, he said likely my body was taking a break, that unless the plateau last 3 months to just breath and stick to the plan. Well in a few days I was headed down and hit 199.   Bottom line is we are all on a journey, each journey will present with different pot holes, curves and hills - it is up to us to seek guidance from our professional team to know how we need to navaigate those issues. On here people need support and need to know how your journey is going - the way you got around your curve may be different from who someone else gets around theres.   Tough love is needed- if a person admits to eating crap and gaining the yes it is there fault they are gaining. But until the facts are known please do not just down a person throat.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

How the heck do you know?

Ok, stress again.........   So this is a question I frequently want to ask people, when they want to be encouraging, but they really don't have a clue.   As I have said on this site before, I have had 3 miscarriages. My friends and family are aware of this also. Everyone says, oh it's already, you will have one, don't worry it'll happen when the times right, I just know you will have a little one next time. I always want to flip them off and say just how the h@## do you know, because I sure as heck don't?   I realize people mean well, but I have come to believe we are a "know it all" society. When we try and encourage others insert I "know" xyz will happen, when sometimes we just don't.   I have come to the point, where I want to be realistic. There are somethings I just don't have answers to and that isn't always a bad thing.   People tell me about my WLS to just stop stressing about my weight being stuck in the 190's for 4 months. Well, easier said that done! Some say oh, just keep doing what you are doing it will come down. Some well exercise more it will come off. Some say cut the carbs and you will loose it.   Well bottom line the ONLY truth I know is- if I eat less calories than I burn I will loose. However, there is a point when you eat two few calories and you body refuses to release the fat it already has- however there is A LOT of contraversery around this and how long it takes.   I get to the point where I worry I am stuck forever, will I lose anymore. Am I a failure?   The only person that can make me a failure is me because I define failure.   Also, and I am saying this to me- we need to be careful when talking with others to encourage realistically. If we feel for them in their situation whatever it may be say that you don't need to add to it- sometimes just knowing someone care is enough.   I don't know if anyone on this site I meet will be successful- I don't live with them or know their history. There are people here that have done so amazing and I wish I could be more like them (Carolina Girl and Missy here is your shout out), but I am me. My body is different, I lead a different life, I eat diffrently (we all have things we like and don't like) so I can't be like them. The only things I can say is what I know- we all have the power to be successful and we all have the power to fail- we must decide which one it will be.   People get offended if we are harsh, poor Carolina Girl gets picked on to much about this, but in my book sometimes we need the honesty to make us look at ourselves. You, me, anyone will not succeed in this if we continue living and doing as we did before. So why the heck do you expect anyone to say oh, it's okay to eat an entire pizza at one time- WTH? NO it's not ok. If you doctor tells you do xyz and you abc then no you DID NOT do right.   Wake up folks be honest, be realistic, and if it calls for it be harsh then do it- you might actually help someone.   While it pissed me off sometime ago when someone said oh there are worse things than never having kids. After I got over being pissed I realized it was true. Just because I don't have a child born to me doesn't mean I can't lead a full and amazing life. Now I appreciate that person for helping me come to terms with my reality even though it hurt at the time.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Death And Food

I am 100% Southern Girl. Being that I was born, raised and still live in the south, certain things are a given.   My Grandmother passed away last Wed night at 88 years old. She was a wonderfully awesoem little lady that was not only Grandma, but one of my best friends. I spent many hours with her through the years and loved her dearly. On Thursday I went to my mother's and was there through Monday morning. Neighbors, friends, family and church family brought tons of food. Bringing food to the those who just lost a loved one is a huge part of southern culture as is the large amount of fried chicken we had. A healthy food was hard to come by.   My parents live in the middle of no where, so going to pick something better up wasn't really an option. So I made the best of what I had trying to make good choices. Well, I learned reheated chicken and my lapband do not mix. I had a horrible stuck episode. The pain was horrible after about 20 min I finally got it up and banded chicken from my diet for sometime to come. This took place Saturday and since I fear eating anything because anything with much consistancy causes pressure. Water and liquid goes down fine as does cereal and yogurt, but anything else causes pressure.   Due to the slim pickins of healthy foods I have gained 2 lbs. This is the only gain in weight I have had in the 4 months since surgery. Part of me, the depressed down part, wants to say forget it eat what I want and whatever goes down easy and the other part says jump back on the horse and get back to eating right and that 2 lbs will come off.   It is easier to stick to what we are suppose to do when thing are going ok, but hit a bumpy patch and it's hard to stick to it. I know that I must get back on the horse or I will gain back every one of the 40 I lost and I do not want to do that. It is just hard.   I am so tired and emotionally exhauseted I am having a hard time doing what I know I need to. Right now I just want to sleep. I am back at work and have done ok with eating today (soft only) and I think I will just have a scrambled egg for dinner so my calorie count is fine or even low for the day.   Any one have some encouragement to get me back on the horse? I need a swift kick in the butt- CG come one girl I know you got something !!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Committed Relationship

I met my wonderful amazing husband 5 years ago and married him 3.5 years ago. He is my biggest fan and support. Once he went to the seminar on WLS he was fully supportive of me having the band. Over the next couple of months I hemed and hawed about would I be, could I be successful on this journey. He kept telling me that ofcourse I would, I just needed to commit to him as I did him.   Soooo.......   I am in a committed relationship with my band. My band is 100% behind me losing weight. While my band can't prevent me from eating more than I should or eating things that are unhealthy for me; it can help me stay satisfied longer on less, that is if I allow it to. When I think about my band from this perspective- I think about I would never cheat on my husband why would I want to cheat on my band. Ruining my marriage would be painful, but ruining my band and having to have another surgery wouldn't be a walk in the park either. Just like with a marriage you have to work at it, I have to work at my band life. Some days it will be easy and other days it won't, but I don't give up on my marriage just because of one road bump and I won't give up on my band either.   Just like I want my marriage to last forever, I want my band life to last to.   So with this being said.... ( I am calling my band George)   I promise to love, honor, and cherish George forever!!   Are you in a committed relationship with your band?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Reality is.......

It was hard to face reality a year and a half ago, they I was just shy of 250 lbs and had to do something to stop it before I hit 300.   The first year I must say was the honeymoon period with my band. I felt like I hardly had to work at losing weight, it just fell off. It was wonderful and exciting. Then bang- my one year aniversary hit and my weight loss came to a streeching halt- the band's fault- nope mine.   The first year, was easy because my weight was high and I was eating far less that what it takes to keep that weight. I couldn't eat as much as normal- so I lost weight. As the weight came off, I hit the titration point- I had finally lost down to the amount that my eating was matched.   Now, I have to face reality, I can keep going with what I am doing and stay in the same zone. I can, make changes- eat even less and or add exercise. The thing is, at this point, it's not going to be so easy. Now I must really work at it. I, also, must deal with weakness in myself, that I never really got rid of. Stress makes me want to eat. Last night as I lay watching TV with the hubs (Ziva's last episode on NCIS) I started thing, boy I want a snack. The thing was I wasn't hungry. I didn't need to eat anything. However, I gave into the weakness and went and got a bowl of ice cream. It slapped me in the head as I sat the empty bowl down in the sink, that I had just done something I would have done pre-band. That was not good- I have to nip that in the bud now. Will it be easy, no, but I must do it to maintain and to further succeed on my journey.   I know what I must do, I know what I need to do, yet I have not done it for months. Now, it's time to pull on the big girl panties and make some difficult choices and changes. It's time to face the music, because the reality it, if I go back to old way I will gain back all I have lost. The reality is I must, for my health, for my future, for my peace of mind- I must make these changes.   Is it my band failing me, no, it is myself and my human weakness trying the make me fail. But, here is the thing- I have the power to stop it, to change it, to change it now before it goes to far. Yeah, I may have lost even more if I would have gone with the sleeve or bypass, but I likely would have run into the same stumbling block at some point.   I hope I can do this!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Now it makes sense.........

March 22nd it will be 9 months since I was banded. I have lost right at 52 lbs, which puts me half way to goal. I have learned so much in these 9 months. I use to say, gee I don't know why I am so fat, I don't eat that much. Well, I have learned better. In 9 months I have made meals at home, had the major holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas, traveled for work, and eaten out.   What did I learn- I WAS lazy. I DID eat a lot!   So what has changed....   My MIL purchased me a fitbit for my birthday in November. This counts my steps, flights of stairs taken and calculated my calories burned based on my age and weight. When I started with the fitbit I was taking about 4500 steps a day, this shocked me, I really thought it was more. Now during the week I take between 7-8000 steps on weekends 10-12000. So I have increase my activity. I am busy like most of you out there who work full time and have a house and hubs and 4 creatures in my house.   So how did I increase my steps: At work instead of calling a co-worker in the same building on the phone, I walk to their office. Instead of calling kids down to my office, I walk to their classroom and pull them out (we have a HUGE campus with 3 floors so I get stairs and steps). I park further from the door at the grocery store or mall (except when it rains, because I really don't like being wet). I play with my dogs- walk them, run around the house with them, play fetch. When I cook dinner I dance around the kitchen (my husband I come to this of this as entertainment).   Of course my food intake has changed, because if I want to lose weight it has to! While I use to believe I ate healthy and didn't eat much, I found out differently. Now I read labels, look for less processed foods, lower sodium and lower calorie. I do choose to eat carbs, but I look for complex carbs (whole wheats, couscous, whole grain, sweet potato) that burns energy just to process. I choose lean meats (chicken, fish, lean hamburger, turkey). For snacks I choose healthy ones, rather than processed- apples and PB, nuts (almonds), banana, greek yogurt.   Portion sizes have also changed (duh). Just the nature of having my band has forced the portions to be smaller because I just can't eat more. More than that the doctor said stick to a cup or less at a time. So what does this mean.... for instance when I use to eat a taco, it was taco's like 4, now one and maybe the inside of a second, but no more. When I would eat chicken it would be 2 chicken breast, now it's hard to eat one whole one, if it's large it will likely be half. I love talipia fillets and use to eat two, now it is about 3/4 of one.   Eating out.... before surgery I would go out any where and order anything that sounded good, plus and appitizer and sometimes dessert. Boy, that has changed. I plan where I will go out, google their menu and see what the healthy options are. I choose healthy items, I don't get an appitizer, I don't get dessert. Many times I will not get all the items on the entree (like I will say no rice, I don't want 2 sides).   I don't feel like I am missing out on anything by cutting back. I feel good. With the increase movement I have more energy and feel better and move better. Eating less makes my tummy feel better. I don't get that horrible stuffed turkey feeling after meals. I feel like my mind is clearer, I breath better, in general feel better.   So all in all, honestly now I am suprised that I wasn't bigger than I was. I am thankful that I went ahead a took the step to get my band at 31 rather than waiting till I was older and my health had declined.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Fear Of Shopping

I don't know if any of you have had this, but I just realized I am scared to go out shopping for new clothes.   I had surgery in June and have lost 41 lbs, I feel good and many of my clothes are way to big, but some fit really great now. I have gotten to the point I only have 1 pair of jean that don't fall off and I need to go shopping, but I am scared. I have never had a problem going out in public or shopping before- I love to go out and about.   What scares me is trying on clothes. I know some of my clothes I have had to take to good will, but others still fit well. I am scared I will go pick up a pair of jeans and go try them on and they won't fit. I haven't purchased jeans in 2 years. I am scared the ones I had stretched and I will find I am not down as many sizes as I would like to be and that it will discourage me. When I had surgery I had gotten to the point that all the clothes in my closet were getting snug and I refused to go up a size. It's such a mental thing. I want some new things, but I HATE trying on clothes.   I know I am smaller, my husband tells me everyday that I am doing great and he is loving my new hour glass shape minus the bumps and lumps. But I still have a long ways to go. 41 lbs down, but 60 plus to go to be at goal. It's not that I am afraid I'm not going to get there, it's just that I don't want to shop yet and see myself in those 360 mirrors. I know I have to, it's getting cold and I must get some long pants that don't sag.   Hopefully, I will get the courage this weekend to make the trek.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

4
 

Difficulties through the Journey...

I think we all either have or will run into bumps in the lapband journey and we will all handle them in our own way.   I was banded June 22- the first week of Dec. I hit 199- Onederland- after starting at 244. The month of Nov. I only lost 2 lbs. and I fear Dec will be the same. My doctor says that isn't really a plateau and to not stress about it, easy for his 130 lbs runners body to say.   Granted, I haven't worked out must this last month. I have been busy with work (new system), getting ready for Christmas, Christmas parties and get togethers, and general household duties. I know there should be no excuses. However, when I get up at 5 am and and I don't stop going until 8:30 pm, that is all my body can give. As soon as my butt hits the chair I am asleep. Yesterday, it all caught up to me. Saturday night after our dinner party my head started hurting. I went to bed about 10 with it killing me. Woke of at midnight thinking I was going to have to go to the ER. I got some advil and took some. Woke up at 2 still killing me, but no worse. Again same thing at 5 and 6. I ended up not getting out of bed till noon. After that I felt groggy and like I'd been hit by a freight train. My hubs pointed out that maybe I needed the rest after running at such a rate for the last month and a half.   Today I am better, but frustrated. My weight is stalled in the 199-200 zone. I do weight daily, which I know many say don't do, but I track my trends. Since Dec. 2 my weight has been bouncing between 199.2 and 200.8. I have started back counting calories in the last week and my calorie counts daily stay between 1150 and 1300, most days closer to the 1200 mark. My fit bit says I am buring some where around 2000 calories a day so I should be losing around 1 lb a week at the least. But, I'm not. I am staying still.   I went to the doctor last week and it appears my thyroid is slightly off. I am going back this week to discuss meds. WTH- my thyroid wasn't off before surgery how the heck is it off now. No more than my thyroid is off my doctor says that shouldn't be causing a weight issue.   All this has gotten me down and frustrated and made all my fears resurface. Have I lost all I will loose? Am I destined to always be the fat chick? Can I do this? Am I failing my band? What am I doing wrong? Am I going to gain all my weight back?   I am freaking out right now. I want this so bad, but when I am doing what I suppose to (eating less moving more) and not losing I get so discouraged.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

My New Little Girl

This is my new doggie, Molly. She is a Shephard Corgi mix. She joins our 11 year old Greyhound, 11 year old Bengal Cat, and a 4 year old Bengal Cat. All are rescues! Now our fur family is complete- 2 of each.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Thanks Carolina Girl!!

The last week I have been BUSY!!! I spent most of last week in classes to learn about the new software system we are switching over to this summer. This was a very technical class, that left my brain in mush mode by night.   In an effort not to back track on my success I opted to take a page from Carolina Girls book. I made my little cups of chicken salad (chicken, apples, grapes and pecan) were fixed in my fridge. I also had more apples and grapes in there, along with the staple of weight watchers cheese sticks. Each morning I would pack my little bag and take it with me to class. Taking my lunch allowed me to stay in during lunch and play with the training database more and talk to the teacher to get more info. The great thing I found by doing this is it works!! I stuck to my portion size and found that I didn't get hungry, I never felt bloted or bad.   So this week rather than chicken salad I make homemade fresh tuna salad for my lunches. Again this is great and keeps me from just grabing anything for lunch. So I have to say thanks to Carolina Girl for putting out there what works for her.   Unlike, CG, I can't do carbless. As she said that is her choice, but I have always been a carb aholic so I know long term carbless wouldn't work for me. So in an effort to do better, I have opted to go carbless for one meal a day.   On my fidge is a list, each day with what I will do for breakfast and what I will cook for dinner. This way I can plan, get fresh groceries, and make sure one carbless meal gets in a day. My fresh veggies and fruit also don't spoil this way. In my fridge I have the shelf that is at my eye level full of my fruits and veggies and healthy options- this helps me make good choices.   Now if I can manage to kick it to the next level and get back into a regular work out routine rather than the sporatic one I have been one of late.   A bit of advice for newbies and oldies.... read what works for others, pull some of it and try it, see what works for you. We are all different, but by putting what works for us out there we might help others so talk, read, learn!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Meaning.....

Okay so I am going to be totally 100% honest here on what lapband has meant to me:   1- A chance to like how my body looks. 2- A chance to shop in the "normal" section. 3- A chance to be healthy as I age. 4- A chance to take my life back. 5- A chance to learn.     I know many of these are vain, but it's the truth. I mean be honest here, who doesn't want to look in the mirror and go damn I look good- or at the least look in the mirror and go uh, I look pretty good. For the ladies out there, I am sure you will agree- it's nice to lose weight and see that little glimmer of somethin' somethin' in your significant other's eye. I want to be sexy for my hubs and have him be proud of what I look like on the outside as he is about what is on the inside. And, yes, dang it- it feel darn good to be able to buy clothing the size doesn't have a W attached.   I am 32 now and while I was healthy when I had surgery with no health issues and rarely ever needed a doctor- I knew that those days were numbered. I knew it time I would likely end up diabetic like my dad, or with heart issues like my brother and grandfather or any other major health problems. I wanted to insure that as I age I can do it in a healthy manner.   As far as taking my life back, I had come to the point where I realized food ruled my life. My co-workers and I would spend an hour in the mornings discussing and deciding on where we would go for lunch. I ate crap and would feel like crap. I would over eat and have horrible indigestion and stomach cramps that would make me feel aweful. I wanted to rule my food, not it ruling me.   Leaning- I think I will always be a learner/researcher. I love to read and study- I could be a professional student if I had enough money. I have read a lot of health, food, calories- basically how our bodies work. I like understanding things better. Now I know if I would have know some of this earlier, boy it would have made a difference. The way I look at food and what I put in my body is totally different. But, will I ever eat something totally decadent and sinfully calorie loaded again - yep. Being honest here- I fully intend on having some Red Velvet Cheesecake Factory Cheese cake for my anniversary. The difference in pre and post band - that cheese cake slice will not all be eaten by me and it will now follow a huge equally calorie loaded meal and it will not take place multiple time of year. This is not about restricted myself for everything I love, it's about a balance between over doing ( which was what I did before ) and driving myself crazy with restrictions.   This journey is going to be long, God willing, (the rest of my life). Everyday is a choice, every meal is a choice - I am the only one to blame or pat on the back for my choices because they are MINE. I want all the things that the band gave me a chance at, but the only way I am going to achieve it is if I do my part. The only person I can cheat is myself.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

1St Time Being Sick Since Banded

I guess it's the weather here in NC, but today I have a sore throat, head ache and sneezing. Totally sucks! I feel nauseous from the sinus drainage. On the plus side it makes me not want to eat and the coughing is giving my abs an awesome workout.   How does one handle nausea and the band?   I have always been a person who tosses her cookies easily. After surgery I got sick 4 times before it was controlled and I haven't had anything since. However, now I find myself nauseated and worried about getting sick and hurting my band.   Any advice?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Inspirations

When ever and what ever journey you take your are often inspired to take it by someone or something.   I was inspired to have WLS due to several friends having it and having great results. Once banded I have been inspired by people right here on this site- Carolina Girl has done amazing, Missy Wowzer what a awesome job, AJ beautiful!! There are many others, but these are those that I look to and always want to read what they have to say, because I relate to them and are inspired by them and their words. Yeah some times my toes get steped on, but that means they are getting to me and will help me.   In the 1 year time period I have had my band I went from 244 to 187. Yeah, people have lost twice that much in the same time period, but I didn't. I am a little jealous, would love to have done better, but I am me and am where I am and I am working on it. My journey brings to mind a song that the little kids at my church use to sing and it inspires me:   "I am a promise, I am a possibility, I am a great big bundle of potentiality" - That line make me smile, because I know I have the possiblity and the potential to do whatever I set my mind to. It inspires me to work hard to get the things I want, like getting to goal.   We all have to get our inspiration to work hard and continue the journey on the rough days from somewhere and something- there are people all around me that give me this. My hubs, the three amazing ladies above who inspire me with their post even if they don't know it, my mom who is always telling me how proud she is, my friends who are proud, and my body that feels better and doesn't get winded when I run up my stair case in my house.   While I was lucky I never reached the point of having diffulity walking, I was getting there. My knees were begining to have pain. My ankles, both of which have been broken multiple times were crying out for me to lose weight. I am glad I finally was inspired to do this last year and I am thankful for all the place and people that inspire me to contiue this journey each and every day.   Look around you today find your inspirations and smile- hold on to them so on a dark day you can whip 'em out and keep movin'.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Enemies

In the WLS journey we will meet all sorts of people: negitive nellies, debbie downers, encouragers, motivators, ect. We will find people at all stages who tell us we are making a mistake, or we will not succeed or we will gain it all back. Then we will find people who will encourage and motivate us to continue on the journey and keep working hard.   However, I think the worst enemy we run accross is ourselves. I have long know that I was my worst enemy. I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be. For many years though I took a break from honestly looking at my weight. Once I did confront it and realize where I was and I had to do something about it, I have been really hard on myself. Maybe I don't forgive myself for allowing me to get to the 240's.   Now I am always second guessing myself- as I losing enough, what am I doing wrong, did I eat to much, did I eat enough. Honestly, the first months weren't to bad, the weight easily melted off and it was a true honeymoon period. Now, I am in the trenches fighting for ever ounce. I am always asking myself, am I drinking enough, am I eating to much - to little, am I moving enough. Can I, Will I?   The bottom line is I, me, myself is the ONLY one who can make this journey a success or failure. My doctor and NUT want me to succeed, hey it only makes them look good. The negitive people want me to fail. However, I am the only one with the power to do it or not. I must make the decisions to eat as I am told, to eat better higher quality foods, to move more and sit less.   There are people on this site that have done nothing short of AMAZING!! Amazing isn't a strong enough word here. I mean Missy- come on- 200 lbs in a little over a year- WOW that is fantastic. Carolina girl- 100lbs in 9 months- fabulous. Then there are the people on here that complain about the band not working or questioning is it okay to eat a whole pizza or did they just hurt their band by doing it. Then there are people, that I count myself in, that are trucking along- that aren't having grand losses, but aren't gaining either.   I have to say I am the one to blame for not doing as well as some. While I do move more than I did, I don't move as much as I could. When I got home yesterday, I should have taken my fat hind parts and hit the elliptical- instead I took it to the chair and relaxed due to a exhausting day at work. Those are the days when I need someone to slap my hind parts and tell me to get the h$%% up and MOVE.   I also am not as strick in my food as others. I was afraid that if I cut certain things out of my diet (carbs) that I would certainly relapse to being over weight. I wanted to hit a balance of eating anything I want just not as much. Well, that has worked pretty good (lost 50+ lbs), but I am starting to think after a 3 month SLLLLLOOOOOWWWW down in loss that I may have to reevaluate the situation. What can I cut or what can I cut more than I have. Like I said I am the only one with the power and I must enforce it.   I know that I will be to the point I am no longer obese and I believe I will get out of or at least to the low over weight BMI range, but I will do it in time. I will not do it in year, but by the 3 year post op mark I want to be in the wonderful 140's or at the least 150-155.   I have the power to do this- I just have to use the force!! May the force be with you to!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Hi Ho Off To The Potty I Go.......

I am doing what I was told and DRINKING!! I drink any where from 80-100 oz of water a day and I seem to live to potty. I swear my co-worker must think I have an over active bladder. Unfortunately my bosses office is right across from the woman bathroom and I am afraid he will say something about me going to the bathroom every 20-30 min.   Do you have this problem?   However, now that I have started drinking this much a day, if I go a day and drink less (like a busy weekend day) I feel thirsty. I know it's good to rid my body of the bad stuff, but geez I feel like I have to go pee as soon as I get into anything.     To another topic-- My weight has stalled out for 2 weeks in the 201-202 range. It is my week for my TOM, but no bleeding- only cramps. I do weigh everyday (chill it's ok- I do not let this bug me- I look at patterns not the day it's self) and each day I am getting any where from 201.6 to 202.4 and I weigh at the same time of day each day with the same thing on. I have had this happen before so I know it will get better, however, I had made a goal for myself to be below 200 by Thanksgiving and I am so freaking close.   The last few days in prep for the holiday I have been steaming/shampooing my carpets rather than working out. I work all day then come home and start working on my carpets. I have a 3000 sq ft house and 2 dogs (one is a puppy), 2 cats and a husband. I gotta get back to the normal workout, but I also have to have my house ready for the invasion of in-laws (which I am happy about). Then this weekend the hubs wants to deck the halls since this will be our Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family.   Oh well, pray for me all I will need it!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Fall Cravings

I love this time of year. The leaves changing, the cooler temps, fresh mountain apples, warm cider....I could go on and on. This time of year I use to do a lot of cooking- apple pie and cakes, chili- warm comfort foods. Not to mention the holidays are coming which mean lots of cooking.   When the temps begin to drop I seem to start craving. I am counting my calories to make sure I don't go nuts and make sure I am getting my protein. I fear this time of year will be the most difficult due to the cravings. I love cooking and baking, but I don't want to do it to much. The closest family we have is over an hour away and honestly we don't don't have a ton for friends in the area (only been in Raleigh for 3 years). We have a few good friends that I will bake and give things to, but I feel guilty now doing that. All these friends at least one in the couple has weight issues and I don't want to make their health worse so I just don't bake. On occassion I will bake something and send it with my hubs to work- the guys he works with love to eat and can afford to.   I have found some healthy recipes for chili which I totally plan to try, but I have to say I will miss my corn bread to go along with it.   For those long time banders what are some go to comfort foods that won't ruin your calories intake for the day? I not only want to change my eating habits, but the foods I share with family and friends I want to be tasty and healthy so maybe it will rub off on them.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Down And Out

So I am pretty down at the moment. Last month I kicked butt - lost 8lbs. This month 1 so far. I am stuck at 201. I know that for the last week I am eaten a little more than normal, but still well below my BMR. I know I only have myself to blame so I should just shut up and get back on the program.   With Thanksgiving coming and me cooking it, I hope that I can be good. I am really an addict. I see all the wonderful food and I want it. I have got to get back in touch with my control. I was so gun ho at the get go, but now I am falling down. Life has gotten busy and I am rushing trying to prep for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have something scheduled every single weekend from now until mid-Jan. I don't make time to excercise because I am going from before the sun rises until my head hits the pillow at night. Hadn't even had time to have "play" time with the hubs in 2 weeks until he finally said last night you gotta stop I just need a little time- so I stopped at 8:30 and spent and hour with him, feel kinda bad I feel asleep on his should.   I know this journey is all about me and I have got to take ownership of it, it is my responsibility to do what is required to make the band a success. The thing of it is that I have never had a lot of confidence in myself so I always have that fear in the back of my head that I will fail.   Today when I get home I have to go to the attic and get out all the christmas stuff - since Thanksgiving with the in-laws is both Thanksgiving and Christmas we are decorating. This is going to be a long couple of months!!!   Any encouragement would be appreciate!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
 

Personal Journey

I have learned that the weight loss journey is very personal. Yes, we can glean support and some answers from people on this sight, but what works for them may not be for you.   Each of us has our own issues with food that lead to us becoming obese and each must deal with those issues inside of us. That is so hard, especially if those issues have been there for many years.   We can go through all the psych evals in the world, but nothing will prepare us for the journey - the ups and downs. It's human nature to compare ourselves to others, so then the question and frustration start - well so and so lost dat-ta-dat in 3 months why haven't I.   Weight loss is dependant on so many things and I have studied and googled every thing I can to learn. Basically what I have learn is what I have always known in order to lose weight I must have a calorie deficit. That being said I never really knew how many calories I needed a day. Through research I found that you need to know your BMR- they amount of calories you would burn if you just stayed in the bed all day long. I always make sure my calories are below my BMR. But because the BMR is based on your height, age, weight each persons will be different.   So I have started to look more at me, not everyone else. I have stopped compairing myself with others. I look to me, what me I do, what must KIM do to succeed. I am the only one who can be successful for me, I must take responsiblity for my actions or lack there of. If I fail, I fail- not my doctor, not this site, not my nutritionist, but me because I failed to take responsibility for me.   So today I take resposibility for myself and I will be accountable for what I do or don't do. I will celebrate my success and I will look at my failures as a learning tool.   Support is awesome, but we must look at ourselves and into ourselves to make the changes we must to be succesful on this journey!   I wish you success on your Journey and I hope that I can help you on your road.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

3
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