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About this blog

A journal of what I'm facing, my progress, and some tips or tricks I've picked up along the way.

Entries in this blog

 

What To Do...

I'm having a hard time right now. Yes my life has quieted a little after a month of pure stress.   Firgured out that my band was too tight so of course I was having a hard time eating. We removed some fluid and now I'm sitting comfortably at 5 ml (I have a 10ml band). I actually get hungry now and for the first time in YEARS! my stomach growls. It's rather odd sitting at your desk at work and then you feel your stomach vibrate. I'm back in school and trying desperately to get caught up since I'm behind in my short-term classes.   All in all I guess I expect to be scolded. Food choices have sucked royally lately. Not eating what I should be eating. Not exercising like I should be. Just got a new job. Just moved from one place to another (that took days). I lost 3 pounds in 2 weeks last time I went to the clinic. I blame sweat on that additional 3rd pound. Normally I'm losing around a pound a week.   I've become motivated to walk with some of my new co-workers. They have a chart and we all have a pedometer on our smartphones (accupedo [it's free]). So I walk more than I used to. I don't like to walk but it is what it is. I want to start doing weights but I'm paranoid of going to the gym I belong to. I don't know why I just am. Could be because it's less than ideal but I can't afford the "good" gym.   For breakfast, I've resorted to Atkins meal replacement bars. Snacks, Atkins snack bars. Oddly enough they are really good and easy to digest. Lunch, is whatever I can grab and consume. Since I'm close to home I can get a protein shake if I'm running low on time at lunch. I know I shouldn't be doing this but my thinking is "eat something I'm allowed to eat or what I should be eating/consuming is better than not eating at all or rushing and whatever it is get stuck." I'm thinking I should start carrying around my "minute glass" (like an hour glass but only a minute long) for when I eat anything.   I try to keep a food diary but I always end up leaving stuff off. I feel like I'm failing because I'm not keeping up my end of the bargain. I eat late at night (8-10pm) because we don't eat on a regular schedule. Most of the time we have no idea what to cook/eat for dinner. I have school at night and as soon as I get off from work I usually head straight there or try to start prepping a dinner that I have no idea of what to cook.   Any ideas?
Nyt

Nyt

1
 

Happy Birthday To Me!

Now that I'm out of my "funk" I should be a little more active... possibly.   Went to the clinic today and I'd lost another 3 pounds in the past 2 weeks. I blame that on stress, lack of food, and moving. We got a new place and it's a HUGE improvement over the previous. Just moved the last truckload of items yesterday, now it's time to unpack. If I do that while listening to music, it makes me more productive and it seems to go faster.   Today is my birthday and I am officially 30 years old. Dear lord where did the time go?! I'm proud of my weight loss thus far. It's not a full 20 pounds but 19 is pretty damn close don't you think?   We removed .03 cc's of fluid today. Figured out (after a month) that I'm not able to eat b/c there was too much fluid. Not a huge amount but just a small bit. I go back in 2 weeks to see where I'm at (if more needs to be added/removed).   I had a melt down about 2 weeks ago. I was so frustrated with my band, my body, and everything else in my world at the time. I had gone through the trouble of making a healthy, delicious dinner(thai chicken [crock-pot, chicken, salsa, peanut butter, lime juice, soy sauce; rice noodles and bean threads; baked eggrolls]) and I couldn't eat any of it. I was so sad and disappointed. I cried and cried for almost an hour. I knew something wasn't right because even though I was eating, taking my time, small portions, etc. Food was getting stuck and I was getting sick. I found I was sticking to softer foods and soups because they went down easiest. Frustrating when you can't even eat a friggin' salad! Anyway, so we'll see how I do and what happens.   I was extended a job offer last week and I took it. I'm excited about it. Going to be helping others with putting together resume's, and helping them find jobs.   School started back up last week and I'm back in the thick of it. Sucks I still have no internet at home until Saturday and all my spare time right now is being spent either unpacking or working on homework. I'm behind but I aim to get caught up somehow over the weekend.   Anyway, I hope you are having a pleasant day!
Nyt

Nyt

0
 

Something's Up And I Don't Know What...

I haven't talked to much less logged in here in about 2 weeks. My reasons... none. Something is wrong and I don't know what... well maybe I do.   Got a notice last week that we need to find a new place to live. No problem, we were planning on moving anyway. I've lived in this same place of hell for i think 4 years. Yeah it's time to go. I don't want to deal with packing, moving, unpacking, sorting, getting rid of, keeping, re organizing none of it.   Maybe I'm looking at it all wrong. Maybe I need to look at it as a chance to get rid of junk and move forward with less stuff... just means going through the stuff. We aren't pack rats/hoarders per se... I just live with folks that don't know how to give things up. If it was up to me, I'd be moving my couch, tv, dressers, bed, clothes, cats, kitchen and bath stuff. Nothing else. But It's not up to me and I have to work with others. *sigh* We'll get it done. Just hating having to be out of the new place by my birthday and it's a pseudo-big one this year. (30). Oh well.   I've been starting new chapters and making changes in other ways, might as well leave this place of evil and sadness and get to places of happiness.   Got my first fiil last week. I was started out with 4cc's at surgery (no idea why) and there wasn't much added. Trying to get motivated to work out/walk/weights/etc but I just don't have the energy for it.   Have an interview this week. We'll see how it goes.
Nyt

Nyt

2
 

Good Stuff And Bad Stuff

Dr. appointment on Thursday morning to add fluid to the band. YAY! I'm excited about this. I'm trying to eat less but seem to be failing right now. I've understand the first 6 weeks are for healing after surgery and I'm still shy of 4 weeks. Doesn't mean I'm not irritated. I'm doing my part of choosing healthier alternatives but having trouble with the smaller portions right now. Just trying to substitute fruit for sugar cravings and vegetable juice for salt cravings. Still eating protein packed foods and making good carb choices. taking vitamins too to help me continue healing and getting better.   Okay I'm listing out what I had to eat yesterday maybe that will help me see that it wasn't as bad as I thought: Burrito bowl (spanish rice [brown rice, enchilada sauce], ranch style beans, fajita beef strips (4), cheese, salsa, guacamole), water, mango and strawberries, water, Pringles (maybe 8 total),V8 Spicy Hot (12 oz), Goldfish crackers (1/2 cup), water.   uh oh... not enough protein yesterday. Then again it was a busy day and I had only made dinner. At least tonight will be different, Making meatloaf, potatoes, and broccoli. Made pancakes this morning for breakfast and had a strip of bacon. Took my vitamins. Grrr... Have things to do.     ***UPDATE*** Started a myfitnesspal account last night and logged my food. So far I'm not doing too bad, according to the site I'm not even hitting my calories for the day that they have alotted for me. Going to check with the doctor's office to see how many I should be getting a day, then adjust the settings as needed on MFP.
Nyt

Nyt

2
 

Something To Consider About Us Bandsters...

I have been thinking about how I got to where I am now. How I got to be so unhealthy. I love food and food is a big part of socializing in American society. I was talking to a college friend of mine and they are big too. We came up with the following explanation. It doesn't fit EVERY situation but I think it is possible to sum it up for most bandsters.   We are "Food Aholics" (FAs).We love food and like to socialize with others. The main difference between FAs and alcoholics and drug addicts is that you have to eat in order to live. We can't just abstain from alcohol or illicit substances. It's not possible for us to step away from our "drug" and continue to live life.   We have made the conscious choice to make changes in ourselves and our lives by getting banded. We want to live our lives and be happier than we were. I think that some of us are "wired" for tastes of food. I love the taste of some foods. I love it so much that it goes to excess. That's how I got to where I am, I know it.   I read a lot in the forums and my heart goes out to those that are chastised for getting the band or making choices that they are being judged for. I would advise that you focus on you and to hell with the nay-sayers. At the risk of sounding uneducated, "Haters gotta/gonna hate." There are some people that want you to stay bigger so they can feel better about themselves. You don't need those types of idiots in your life. If someone asks you how you are doing, and you told them about getting banded then educate them on how it works.   The best remedy for ignorance is education.   Good Luck!
Nyt

Nyt

0
 

Rough Day Yesterday

I found out that I was denied unemployment assistance. I was expecting being denied but it still hit me like a ton of bricks. I cried and sobbed so hard last night. My poor husband didn't know what to do. I was so upset that I didn't even want to get up this morning. It was like, "What's the point?" But like this journey, I got up anyway; one step at a time.   I found myself wishing for things to be different so much last night. I was wishing I had never gotten my band. Mostly because it's another bill to pay. So long story short, my depression started to take over and make me feel hopeless. Didn't help that I ate most of a bag of Munchos yesterday and 2 turkey soft tacos last night. Trying not to dwell on the mistake since it WILL happen. Found out about the rejection letter after dinner though.   I'm better today. Not 100% better but still okay. Going for a walk, just like I'm supposed to. *sigh* Hard to deal right now.   I can do this. I know I can do this.
Nyt

Nyt

5
 

Week 1 After Surgery And The Post-Op Visit

After my surgery on the 12th, I was pretty weak and in some pain for a few days. I took my pain meds the day of and the day after surgery only. I was a little less sore the next few days and have had little to no pain since. Woo hoo for a fast immune system and for vitamins!   I have been taking my One a Day Gummy vitamins with Immunity Support to help me out. (hint hint, awesome for the immune system). I was on to eating soft foods within a few days after surgery and I wanted to start walking the day after surgery. I rush things, I admit it. The moving on to soft foods was due to I was so tired of feeling hungry all the time and there was only so many sweet things I could handle consuming. No I'm not the model patient. I've learned how to make an omelet and that's what I have for breakfast. I've had to learn that I can't eat a 2 egg omelet anymore, so I moved down to a 1 egg omelet. Then I know I'm getting a protein packed start to my day. Tuna salad and Chicken salad have been helpful for lunch or dinner.   The walking I think has been the hardest part. Not because I'm lazy but because I was still pretty easily tired. My husband and I went on a walk Tuesday afternoon at a nearby park. We walked over a mile in 30 minutes and I was pushing hard the last about 10 minutes. I had to slow down a little too but I kept pushing myself to finish. Sadly, when we got home and were cooling off, I fell asleep for about an hour. Just tells me that I'm still getting used to what my body has to do. I went to the gym Saturday for nothing more than to walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I got that done and was not as tired afterwards. I'm really into being healthy and fit, just frustrated that it's taking time to get back to my 100%.   Went to my post-op appointment on Thursday. I went dressed in what I would normally wear to work, slacks and a comfortable shirt. (I quit my job on July 5th and have been looking for other employment). My pants fit a little loose at the waist. That made me feel good. At the appointment, I found out I'd lost another pound since surgery. A small victory is still a victory. My nutritionist and I discussed the "soft foods" phase of the diet and I admitted to starting soft foods early but I've stuck with protein packed foods instead of not. Eggs, tuna, chicken, yogurt, and V8 V-fusion juice were helping me. I can now have anything that I can get through the tines of a fork. What's upseting to me is the lack of fruit that I can have. I really want fruit, especially cherries. The nurse was a bit disappointed that I wasn't feeling more active yet; I was disappointed too.   Since the appointment, I have been walking a few times and have had my cherries. A friend threatened to come hurt me because she explained to me, the skins of my cherries are not easily digested. So I gave the rest of the cherries to my friends.   Something I'm noticing is that I am unable to digest breads or carbs yet. Yes I've tried and I've gotten sick a few times. This is overly frustrating. I hate the feeling of pain that comes with it. I wish I could get myself under control. I feel hungry sometimes and I try to focus on if it's head hunger or real hunger. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it.   I have been dealing with multiple life changes all at once and it's tough. I have depression. I am medicated for it. Yeah, I quit my job a few weeks ago. It was best for me to do so to take care of myself and heal properly. I have been pseudo-actively looking for work this past week. Last week I was more focused on healing and getting back to feeling like my old, energetic, motivated self. It didn't work out that well. I'm trying to keep myself in check and positive right now regarding all the feelings from my depression and the surgery and lack of success with it. I'm glad I've done the surgery and I'm making some mini-goals for myself.   I think I will make my first goal of 25 lbs lost, I will get a new tattoo. Found out recently that a family member has throat cancer. I'm okay with it seeing as how they asked me to help them. I do crochet and they asked me to make them some hats. Fair enough. Now cancer is no stranger to my family. This member now makes at least the 4th person in my life that has been diagnosed with cancer. The awareness ribbon for cancer in general is the color purple, one of my favorite colors. I think my tattoo reward will be a tribal butterfly with a purple cancer ribbon.   Lots of things in my world, lots of small changes. The good thing, the nutrition is not that difficult for me. I was eating pretty healthy prior to surgery and my band is just going to help me be my ultimate, thinner, fitter self.
Nyt

Nyt

0
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