Starting to believe its real !
I've never been one to compain and i normally keep it all inside, and i think telling friends how i really am feeling would be to personal.... and i don't want thier judgements...
Where to start??
I am pretty sure my relationship is crumbing to the ground.... We've been together almost 6 years and have A 2 year old son and a daughter on the way.... We own a home, a cat and dog, rabbit and hamster ( The mini farm ) I am a stay at home mother who just finished my phlembotomy... Normal basic life... But really i'm feeling miserable.
The term unhappy is an understatment. I am so sick of the fighting and tension around this house... I find myself happy when its just me and my son... There is a form of peace till he gets home from work. He has no patience with me nor our son. I find myself crying a lot from the things he says to me or about me or to my son. Tucker doesn't even call him dad, he calls him Curt. I ask myself daily why i stay? Well, Money and embarrassment are a BIG part of it.. I would hate to admit my relationship failed. Living with my mom would be hell.... litterally.
Curt NEVER wants to do anything as a family... No trips....... Not even to the pool. I took him with us once and 30 minutes later he wanted to leave because tuck was "running" off... UMM hello! He's TWO! He's having a good time! Its not like he's running THAT far away. Which then caused a big fight between us... curt left.. i stayed for awhile.. I just think curt will never be the loving dad i want... He is there money wise... but not THERE with us... Curt sees us maybe 2-3 hours a day... and a full day on sunday. Which ends up with curt yelling at me or tucker for something.... I spend most of my time at my parents house , or doing things with Tucker... I feel unwelcome in my own home.. Curt works nights and Tuck, being two.... can be loud during the day time causing curt to get all pissed off and take it out on me.... There are too many little fights to mention... Back to my son.... Maybe Curt and I were raised different..... I was raised where the belt was used as a threatening type item.... and i can only remember getting hit with it once... Where as i think Curts parents were physical ...... from what i'm thinking. I normally ask tucker to stop... and count... and tell him i'm going to take away _____ if you don't stop.... ECT type of punishment before i spank...... Where as Curt just says to stop... and if he doesn't..... Then curt just spanks him.... Today i watched him slam Tucker down on the bed for not going taking nap ( We had been fighting with him to lay down for about an hour ) Yes i was frustrated... but nothing like that... Curt just doesn't have any type of understanding of the two years old mind... Then he smacked the back of tuckers head tonight when we were in the bathroom after asking him to stop messing with the rabbits cage ... and it seems nightly after bathtime curt ends up spanking him because tucker fights getting outta the tub and getting lotioned and dressed.....
I can just tell his parents were like that with him.... Just spanked vs verbal correction..... This is just NOT going to work....
I feel like this entry is all jumbled and mixed up with no point... I feel like my child needs two parents.... but i feel like i'm the only parent right now... like i can't even trust Curt to watch tucker meaning i have him 24/7. I love my son, but i would like to have 5 mintues to myself with worrying if curts going to fall asleep while watching Tucker... or forget to feed him lunch... or not wake up for him after a nap.... Tucker doesn't really have a relationship with Curt.... ....... Curt isnt exactly a bad guy.... he works ALOT but he uses that as an excuse to not be there, or be tired..... Well i am tired of trying...
EDIT-------------------------------------
This whole no patience with us thing just started... aboout 6 mos ago.
Hes not wanted to have sex much.... Which makes me think... Okay he is cheating... But then again... I don't think so...
Enough Ranting and Bitching for tonight.....
