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My Next 40 Years...

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Understanding the psychology of it all!

This week I have been confronted with more and more people noticing my "physical changes". This makes me feel very vulnerable and I am not sure why? I have been heavy my whole life and I think, for the most part, I have "accepted" this about myself. Even "identified" with being heavy. With time, I have compensated by having a BIG personality in order to be "seen". I drove myself to accomplish many things. For instance, I was a good student, I worked very hard on my career and got promoted because of it, I am a good friend, sister, daughter, etc. I really felt that, aside from my weight, I have a lot to offer to the world and I am displaying this in other aspects of my life. Until my weight became a VERY unhealthy issue, I really didn't think it held me back from living my life. The more people focus on my physical changes...the more I want to hide. Hiding was never an issue when I was heavier. I have noticed that taking a compliment has been difficult, that the more people focus on how "good" I look...the more I have tuned down my personality in order to now take the focus off myself. My brain still has not caught up with the changes my body has made. I am hoping the journey will help understand these new feelings and vulnerabilities. Perhaps accepting a new identity and a new normal. I am learning a lot about myself and as much excitement this process brings....it's also dusting up fears that I didn't even know I had.
Spaness2012

Spaness2012

3
 

A Little Help From My Friends...

My name is Vanessa and I am turning 40 on December 14th. My first 40 years, it seems, I have spent trying to manage a healthy weight with a string of diets and will power. All of that has got me where? To my heaviest weight to date. My next 40 years, I want to spend traveling...reaching my goals......raising healthy children. All without my body being a hinderance.   Earlier this year.....I couldn't ride a rollercoaster with my 11 yr old son. I couldn't fit in the seat. I was mortified for him...for me. That was my rock bottom.   For a fat girl...I have alot of energy and am pretty athletic as I am on a softball team and a yoga student. My mind believes that my weight, in general, doesn't keep me from living life. In part that's true. But my heart and soul wonder, what could the healthy weight girl do? What could she accomplish? How much "better" could she be!   I would be a rockstar....a super hero!   I look forward to meeting her once I dig her out of years of weight gain and disappointment.   I know she's there....I can hear her!
Spaness2012

Spaness2012

0
 

Pre Op Diet

I start my pre-op diet tomorrow and am scared to death! I go from "what did I get myself into" to "I can do this" in one short breath.   The last few days I have spent some time really wrapping my head around this process. I am choosing to keep as positive as possible. Focus on what I will be gaining, not what I will have to give up! To feel like this is a GIFT to myself as opposed to a punishment for being overweight.   There are so many negative voices attached to my weight issues, today I vow to change this outlook. Reprogram the messages, download a new way of thinking. The only way out is...through. I plan to get there. One positive thought at a time.   What were some of the mantra's you told yourself during the pre-op liquid diet stages? What advice would you give someone to get them through?
Spaness2012

Spaness2012

0
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