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bringin it.

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First Workd Problems

I am a creature of habit, keeping my schedule at work is what saves me when it is the weekend and everything gets messed up. During the work week, I eat my breakfast at the same time, everyday. 7:00 Breakfast 9:30 a babybel cheese 11:30 Lunch 3:00 cucumbers then dinner whenever I get home, normally around 5:00. So this morning, due to an award ceremony, everything got messed up, and I wasn't able to eat my breakfast. Now as I sit down finally able to eat, I had to plan the rest of my meals accordingly. So I just ate my lunch at 8:45 in the morning, to insure that I stay full until after my training at 12:00 starts. Talk about First World Problems. :/
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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Feelin' Better With Progress

I've lost 4 pounds in 2 days by not eating any carbs through out the day until dinner. It made me so happy to see the numbers on the scale go down this morning, I can keep this up! Short little blip today. Hope everyone is having a great day.   ~Shels
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

4
 

Faith, Hope, Love Is All You Need

I’m so excited! Hope is the greatest thing in life. It keeps you going, allows you to believe that things are possible! I’m still researching this (my hopeful outcome) and I need to speak with my surgeon about it too, but I think I have found a way to get Banded in December and still get to go to Japan in 2013! There is a facility that does Lap-band and other plastic surgeries and WLS and seems like a great place. I emailed them with some questions, and now I’m waiting for a response, but this has given me hope! Going to Japan was going to give Ty and I the money to pay off the Care Credit card in just a few months instead of the 48 or 60 months or whatever we decided in December. I’m just glad that I’m getting to have my cake and eat it too… hehe
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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Either This Or That...i Hate Not Knowing......

This was how it was all planned out: June 29th--Ty and I go in for our dietion appointment and surgeon consultation July 2nd--Ty leaves for San Diego for almost 6 months All the time in between would be us saving to put as much down on our surgeries as possible December 14th--Ty comes home and we see the surgeon again to start our Pre-Op diets December 26ish--We get banded...   Well all of that has a huge chance of changing, Ty might have to stay in San Diego until February. He then told me if that was the case, I might as well go to Japan for 6 months starting in November, and have the surgery when I get home. That way we won't have to finance anything, we would have saved enough for both surgeries.   As much as I like the idea of not having to finance anything, I hate the idea of having to wait a year to get banded. I'm having a hard enough time waiting 6 months, let alone a whole year. Ty doesn't understand. He just keeps saying, "What's another year?"   1 Year = Me hating what I look like for another year
Not being able to do all the activities that I want for another year
Feeling terrible about myself for another year
Not fitting in my clothes for another year
Running the risk of gaining more wait for another year
Giving up on everything and not wanting to be banded in a year
Depression.
  This whole situation is depressing to me. So now I don't know what to do. Should I cancel the appointment that we have on the 29th of this month and wait the year or keep the appointment and hope he doesn't get extended. All of this makes me sick to my stomach. Any advice or encouragement would be appreciated.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

2
 

Down a Size

So I bought new jeans last night, I am a size down... actually a size and a half. I got into a pair of 18 jeans, buttoned them up and got the zipper up. But that doesn't mean that I should be wearing them. I have a No Muffin Top policy. It doesn't bother me to buy the size up to insure that the jeans fit the way that they are meant to. But I bought the 18s along with the size 20 that fits the way that it should, because the sale was pretty good. Silver jeans aren't cheap and I got them for buy one get one half off, so instead of paying $100 each It came out to about $75, which is a come up! And now I have a better judgment of my shrinking size since I don't weigh myself anymore. I fell like if I continue to work out the way that I have been, then the jeans will fit in a month or less.   And for the people who will read this and think I'm crazy for buying 100 dollar jeans, I will tell you this. More expensive clothes fit the way that they are supposed to. The cheaper you buy, the worse the fit and the more alterations you will have to do if you want them to fit the way that they should. But, I will add, I take good care of my clothes, so I can sell them afterwards. I normally get upward of 50 dollars for each of my jeans because they are sturdy enough not to wear through the thighs. And when I buy dresses or going out shirts, I don't mind spending a lot, even though I'm only going to wear it once, because I always end up selling it for about what I paid for it.   I had a different breakfast this morning and it rocked my world. English Muffin with peanut butter and strawberries. So glad it wasn't yogurt. I'M SO OVER YOGURT!   Had my first Stuck moment yesterday during lunch. It was horrific. I was in public... with my sister... who doesn't know I had wls... so I told her I was choking a little. I couldn't get it to come up, so I drank water. I never want that to happen again. And the moment I swallowed the food I knew I had effed up. And I did. And this is why I will wait another month to eat a sandwhich.   Happy losing everyone. The weekend is close! Shelley
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

Check Point

Just a check point post...   The last few days have been pretty frustrating. I felt out of control with my eating, craving foods that I know I shouldn't have been eating, and things that I have been doing fine without... but I could not get enough chocolate. And the internal and external arguments that I had with myself were getting old. But sadly I ate things I know I shouldn't be eating unless on a special occasion. But I would make myself work out harder and more often, which I think is an eating disorder on it's own, but whatevs. I figured out what was wrong last night, it was the week before my TOM and I got it last night before working out. For some reason I guess I convinced myself that that issue would go away after getting lapband. I'm an idiot.   But as the day has been going on today, I don't crave chocolate nearly as much, which is a good thing.   Been doing well on working out, swimming 3 times a week. 2 aqua boot camps a week. 3 crossfit work outs a week and a zumba class or 2 and then it's Sunday and I lay around and watch tv. Love it.   Measured myself at my month post op and I have lost a total of 9 3/8 inches overall. I still haven't weighed myself yet. I'll find that out on the 25th when I go in for my first fill, which I need desperately. It's taking more and more food to make myself feel satisfied, and it's only holding me over for a max of 3 hours before I start having to barging with myself. "If you wait 30 more minutes, you can have a granola bar.' "you're not going to die" but then it sounds like there is a pod of whales in my stomach and I normally give in at that point.   But that's about it for now, other than that, not much going on... just living the dream I guess.   Happy losing everyone. Shell
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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Captain's Log, Day 4...

I had my final appointment with my surgeon before my surgery on Friday. It was weird to be off routine for my liquid diet, and it caused me to stray from the path that I have laid down for myself. Because the clinic that I am working with is about 2 hours away, I froze one of my protein shakes so that when I got hungry in the afternoon, I would have a cold shake. Well, I froze the shake solid and it wasn't close to being thawed out and It came time to where I could feel my tummy grumbling. So when I finally got home I popped one of my frozen meals into the microwave and waited. And as I waited, Ty made some lumpia for his dinner. After I finished my meal, I made a mistake. I ate two little lumpia. And they were so good. But right after I finished being happy about the taste, I immediately felt guilt. So I got my phone and went to input the lumpia into myfitnesspal I found out that they are 110 calories each. I felt even worse. The only thing I didn't feel bad about was not going over my calories. But I still felt awful.   Then I sat up and said to myself, "I am human, I make choices, some are good, some are better, and some just mean that there is another action to be its companion." So the next thing I looked up on my phone, was when my gym closed. 9pm, so after the food settles in my stomach, I am going to finish the action that I started by eating the lumpia. I'm going to burn those calories and more. I no longer feel guilty, I feel responsible.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

Ball Is Back In My Court!

After a depressing day yesterday, I woke up this morning feeling a lot better. I think my exact words in the car to Ty were, “Today is so much better than yesterday. The sun is out, the birds are chirping, and my pants fit.” I feel a lot better about myself when I’m not worrying so much about what I look like. I’ve also decided to do something about it while I wait to be banded…   At first, I thought about no carbs. I remember doing the south beach diet and I lost weight doing it… but I also remember gaining the weight back when I couldn’t handle the cravings anymore. So then I got the brilliant idea of no carbs (bread, pasta, rice, potatoes) at work. Now this is something that I can do. So for the last two days I only eat fruits, veggies, meat, and cheese at work, with A LOT of water. And then eat a normal dinner. I need baby steps to change, which I think we all do. So this is how I’m going to take off (hopefully) a few pounds in the waiting.   Other than that, not much happened today. Going to the bank today with Ty to open a joint account so that we can both have allotments come out of our check to save for the surgery.   (before anyone tries to tell me not to get a joint account with a boyfriend, I promise you, as you continue to read about me through the years **if you stay with me that long** that we will be married. I’m very smart with my money and assets, and I wouldn’t do something like this if I didn’t trust them 300%)   Have a great evening everyone!!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

As I Sit...

on my couch with teeth whiten trays in and smelling the sweet smell of my tanning lotion left on my skin while typing with my new pretty clean manicure, I realize I spend a lot of time and money on trying to look good....to compensate for the fact that I am not skinny.   On Tuesday I'm going to be calling my Weight loss facility and then my insurance company to make sure of the next few things that need to get done before my last nutrition appointment which is on the 25th of Feb, so I hope to be able to be approved and banded in early March. It seems so far away.   So the reason why I am really writing this blog today.... something that I plan on starting to do again and from here on in. When I was in high school I used to eat in front of a full length mirror that was in the dining room. As I was able to see what i was putting into my mouth and how much of it was entering my body. I used to stop eating long before my plate was empty! and I'm going to start again.   Let me know what you think.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

APPROVED!

I started this journey in June of 2012.... And today I recieved the news that I am approved for surgery! I will be banded on March 15th. Tomorrow I am starting my liquid pre-op diet. I can't believe it's happening!! This weekend I have so much planned! Cleaning and arts and craft, and finally starting my Vlog! I will keep you posted! Thanks for reading and helping me along the way everyone!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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And The Wheels Are A Turnin!!

So I have set up the first 4 appointments needed to start everything! And I'm so happy about it!   1st appointment: Novemeber 28th (nutritionist) 2nd appointment: Novemeber 30th (doctor for recommendation letter) 3rd appointment: Decemeber 20th (nutritionist <--- this one is tentative because of work, but I'm surveillance be able to go) 4th appointment: January 25th (nutritionist)   I may have another appointment after that, but I won't know until my first appointment on Wednesday, I have already seen this nutritionist, but it was in July and the person I was talking to to make all these appointments wasn't able to tell me if it would count. I hope it does. If it were to count then I could possibly be banded at the end of February, if not.... Then march. Which I'm ok with, because this is all happening about a month and a half faster than I though it would happen. Eeep!   Well I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!      
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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And So It Begins...

About a week ago, my boyfriend and I decided that this is our option and choice, Lap-Band surgery. The path that we will take to better our lives and selves before getting married and having children. I have tried so many ways to lose weight, but what ever small amount I lose, I always gain back, and now I am at my heaviest. I blame myself though and my lack of self control. I was in Japan for the first two months of the year and I went without a vast variety of foods that we take for granted, so when I came home from Japan I ate everything I didn't have for two months. So now I'm 275 pounds, almost pullin 3 bills, and it makes me sick. Tyler says that he is the heaviest that he has ever been, over 300 pounds, but he refuses to exercise, he's lazy that way. He thinks it's all about his portions, and that with Lap-band that will be the jump start he needs. I believe him, I feel like if he knew that he had a helping hand that it would be what he needed. Same for me too.   We are planning on getting the surgery in December (Tyler is going on a 6 month trip to San Diego for work and will be home close to Christmas). We are self-paying so I want to save up as much as we can so that we don't have to finance the whole thing.   My biggest issue right now is that I know for sure this is what we want to do, now I just have to wait 6 months, but it's completely changed my thought process. Now when I'm working out ( I do Crossfit, extreme cardio and weight lifting) it feels so hard and difficult and I find myself saying, "This shouldn't be so hard." And when I am making meal choices for me and Tyler, I sometimes go with the unhealthy choice with the back thought, my life will start anew in December. I need to get out of this mind set. I know that eating healthy and working out I'm not going to lose enough weight to not need the surgery in december, My goal weight is 165. Tyler says his is 200. These I feel are good goal, and obtainable once the surgery is complete. We shall see.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

And So It Begins

Woke up this morning and went swimming with my sister and my cousin. It felt good to be back in the water, even if I felt like a dying whale. I just hope that I improve fast and get back into the swing of things. And at 4:30 in the morning, it is nice to know that I have two other people to hold me accountable... but I found out this morning after we swam and were getting dressed that it is an equal trifecta of accountability... we all got up to go because we knew the other was. I feel like if one had faulted in not coming the rest of us would have stayed in bed. Not going to lie, I had to give myself a 5 minute pep talk to get out of bed. Which went something like this, "Get up get up get up get up." <-- Me "Get up." <--Ty "Awe! Thanks for the motivation!" <--Me "It's not motivation, it's a request. You're annoying me." <--Ty So I got up and left. Rude boys.   So the plan for right now is swimming 3 times a week M-W-F and Zumba in the evenings 5 days a week and an Ab workout on Saturday, and Sunday, if I haven't skipped any days to rest my booty.   Have a great week everyone! Happy losing! Shells
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

0
 

And My Night Keeps On Getting Better!!

Even though Ty is staying 2 hours away from me, he couldn't have been a better fiance' than today! After I called him with our amazing news about being able to start the process, he went and bought my Christmas present so I could have it early! A brand new Canon camera!! So that I can take photos of my journey and start recording a continuous vlog of everything! I'm soooo happy today! Nothing could bring me down! (Except this sad episode of Catfish ) I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving eve!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

And It All Comes Crashing Down........

Woke up this morning and headed to Seattle with Ty... First we met with the dietitian and learned a lot of stuff. It was nice because we got to do both consults together. After talking to the surgeon, she told us that it would be better if I did the surgery a few months before Ty, and that a few months before leaving for Japan. So I was excited and scared to think that I would be getting the surgery in a month or so. Then we came home to see if we would qualify for CareCredit.... and sadly we don't. So now it looks like we are going to have to wait until I come home from Japan in May of 2013. I'm sad. I don't know if I can wait a year.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

9
 

An Add On From The Last

I just looked over my post from last night, I was pretty much delirious from exhuastion and it seems I have a lot of random thoughts in it. I had just gotten done with a softball game. I didn't have as much fun last night as the first game I played because it didn't start until 9:00 pm... that’s my bed time.   Softball, along with other team sports is kind of a difficult concept for me. I'm a great "team player" in the morale department, but when it comes to other people depending on me that's when it becomes nerve racking. In jounior high and high school the only sport I "played" was swimming. I swam year round, and I was in the best shape of my life. I miss not having the ability to swim on a club team now as an adult. The great thing about a club swim team is that everything is individual, there really isn't anyone depending on you to help their race. Besides cheering someone on you couldn't help them physically. I feel like that is how anyone's Lap-Band journey is. Besides cheering on my boyfriend, I'm not going to be able to 'force' him to lose weight.   I think that is why Ty suggested that we do it together, to support eachother and to have something to share together for the rest of our lives, and I like that idea. I just wish we didn't have to wait 6 months to get everything going.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

0
 

Almost the End of the First....

I'm lying in bed with 31 minutes left of the first of the new year. I'm sad because I am going back to work tomorrow and that's no fun for anyone. So for my new year's resolutions... They may not seem big to most, but they are mine and difficult for me to hold; 1) to stop biting my finger nails and fingers... I want to be a lady with nails that can be painted. 2) to do the 5 dollar bill saving challenge. Whenever I get a 5 dollar bill for change I plan on putting it in my piggie bank instead of spending it. Just 5 dollar bills. 3) to be banded and starting my journey in March.   I have already had 2 of my 4 nutritionist appointments. My last appointment is on Feb. 26 and hopefully everything will be in line for me to get approved and banded shortly after that. Ty says he will be starting his supervised diet soon, he just wanted to give me a bit of a jump start. Well I'm off to bed. Good night and good luck everyone!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

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Again... It's Been Awhile :/

It's been a while since I blogged anything and I think that is becasue I kinda gave up on the idea of getting banded. I just found out this morning that BCBS covers the surgery! So I will be switching proptly! And Next year re-starting my journey of getting banded, because I have been trying things that keep failing. It feels good again to be hopeful. We shall see. HAve a great day everyone.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

2
 

After Surgery....

Surgery went well, I was pretty terrified, cried before and the woke up crying. The conversation that I had while waking up: Me: (soft sobs) I just want to get married. Nurse: Awe, that's sweet. Do you have a boyfriend? Me: (long pause) Well that's a dumb question. Why would I want to get married without a boyfriend? The nurse just laughed.   Today, I'm pretty sore, gas pains come and go, and I've stayed on top of my Vicodin to avoid pain. Went walking around the mall today with my brother, the came home cause I was tired. But I'm happy I did it.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

3
 

A Struggle...

Last night, while crunching numbers with Ty, he asked if maybe we should wait until I came home from Japan (May 2013) to have the surgery done instead of at Christmas time, since by then we would have all the money saved up, instead of 10 grand and financing the rest, then paying off the credit card with my per diem from Japan. It only took me a moment to answer, and I knew it wasn't a good idea. If I have to wait for a year to have the surgery done, then I wouldn't get it. I'm already in the wrong mind set now, "why work out when I know that I'll have the band in 6 months?" "No it's ok, we can eat out tonight, in December is when we will get strict with food." I know that I should still be taking the healthier steps in life, but it's growing more difficult to do when I know that the surgery is actually going to happen. I would probably gain a hundred pounds if I waited a year for the surgery.   On the topic of Japan, I have the thought in the back of my head that it might be a bad idea for me to leave a few weeks after getting the surgery. I'm worried Ty won't be able to stay on the strict diet by himself and that he will need some sort of support system close... instead of me being in Japan, face-timing him when we have the chance. I hope that I am just not giving him enough credit and that he will be fine. He just isn't as open about it as I am. I'm addicted to saving money and researching as much as I can, and he thinks I'm being silly. But I know that if I don't do it then it won't get done. Hopefully everything just works out as it should. I'm getting excited about the upcoming seminar in two days, hopefully that will make it more real for Ty and he will get more involved. He likes looking at everyone's Before and After pictures on this site with me, but not reading the forums. (He's more visual then withthe written). Well, these were just some of my thoughts that I had from today. I'm in four days of training, so I have a lot of time with my thoughts.   I'm getting my Nuclear Qualification for work... and if you don't know anything about Nuclear work, I'll tell you right now, it's not as dangerous as one may think.... it's almost boring once you learn how it works. Nothing really special.   Good night LBT.com, I hope everyone finds themselves happy in the morning.   ~Shel
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

0
 

A Stressful Beginning To the New Year....

Back to work...boo Still dealing with the switching of our insurances (Did you know they charge to print out your OWN medical record??) My grandpa that lives across the country is dying...triple boo Dealing with trying to figure out when to fly to PA to deal with that, but last night I remembered that Tyler and I have an emergency savings account that we have a little money from every paycheck go to and that was a huge relief! Finding out I won't have to worry about how to pay for my ticket and ect. Everyone needs a secret savings account that you put in just a little bit, it adds up and you forget about it and then Bam! You have money.   My next appointment is at the end of the month. I need to work harder on meeting my goals. I have been eating on a smaller plate, which is still weird, such a mind game.   Good luck everyone and have a great weekend!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1
 

A Quick Blip Before Bed

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I sure did! It was a little out of my ordinary, but a wonderful holiday and a day off from work. Woke up and watched a bit of tv, waiting for Ty to wake up. Then we had breakfast and went and saw an early movie. We saw Red Dawn.... it was fantastic!!! I couldn't believe it! Then we drove back to Ty's hotel and when we got there we realized we had nothing to do and nothing was really open for us to do anything... so we decided to see another movie! We had lunch then headed back to the theater... to see... Pitch Perfect. Again! Another hit! It was awesome! Then after the movie we laid around the hotel for a bit, then decided to go see my family for a bit and maybe get a free dinner out of it... so we drove over to Seattle and saw a small bit of my family. Dinner was awesome and then we played a few games. I was able to tell my mom that I am about to start my Lap-Band journey, and she is pretty excited for me. Then I said goodbye to Ty (since he is TDY in Everett) and I went and barely caught the ferry home. And now, I am ready for bed and ready to get tomorrow at work out of my way... lol we shall see if I have to work on Saturday. I just want it to be Wednesday soooo bad!!   Well, have a great night everyone!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

0
 

A New Day Has Come....

It's kinda cheesy, but I kinda set myself up for success this morning. I set my alarm so that it would play "A New Day Has Come" By:Celine Dion. I feel like it's just the good juju that I'm going need to undo yesterday.   TODAY is the day that I change health insurances! Then I just have to wait until January. Which is fine since I've already waited 6 months already.   So now I'm off to work. Easy day today. Then just work tomorrow, then Thursday off. So really an easy week.   Have a great day everyone!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

1

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