I'm lying in bed with 31 minutes left of the first of the new year. I'm sad because I am going back to work tomorrow and that's no fun for anyone.
So for my new year's resolutions... They may not seem big to most, but they are mine and difficult for me to hold;
1) to stop biting my finger nails and fingers... I want to be a lady with nails that can be painted.
2) to do the 5 dollar bill saving challenge. Whenever I get a 5 dollar bill for change I plan on putting it in my piggie bank instead of spending it. Just 5 dollar bills.
3) to be banded and starting my journey in March.
I have already had 2 of my 4 nutritionist appointments. My last appointment is on Feb. 26 and hopefully everything will be in line for me to get approved and banded shortly after that. Ty says he will be starting his supervised diet soon, he just wanted to give me a bit of a jump start. Well I'm off to bed. Good night and good luck everyone!
Found my engagement ring this morning!!!! Right where it was supposed to be.... weird, but so happy that that is over. Scary feeling! So now I going to clean my house, then wait until 4 so that I can see the new Twilight, then go to bed. Then tomorrow I'm going to make my last few calls to figure out this insurance thing and then.... COMMIT! I can feel it! less than 6 months and I KNOW that I'm going to be banded!!
Now to just start working on changing a few habits to get ahead of the game. Like eating slower and not drinking while eating. those are going to be two hard habits to break. If anyone has any advice on how to start to break these habits go ahead and let me know!
So AGRAVATED right now!!
I can’t stand the shop that I work for! (In the shipyard we are broken up by specific trades <shops> and we all have our own General Forman and Superintendants for each shop) well, my shop thinks it’s ok to treat everyone unfairly and it makes me want to quit. I would have quit years ago if I didn’t make so much money, but alas, here I am almost 7 years into my career working for a moronic upper management with a dilapidated system to attempting to keep order in a sea of sh*t. Each year we are “graded” on our performance, which has always been a screwed up system to begin with, and the higher you score, the larger your bonus will be. Well last year they came out with a new rule that you couldn’t grade your workers to high, and then there was a set limit on how many Significant Strengths you could give a worker, well some supervisors follow this rule and some don’t. I just found out that a co-worker of mine was graded 12 S.S. when I was only given 2. I was only given 2 because the limit for our shop is 5 and when I had my evaluation done with was with a supervisor I had only worked for for a month. I told him that I wasn’t comfortable with him giving me my evaluation due to me only being on his crew for a month and I asked him to please contact my previous supervisor for more information on my work ethic. He said that he would call my General Forman, because he felt the same way. (My last supervisor at the time was while I was in Japan at the beginning of the year) My G.F. told my supervisor at the time, that it would be to hard for him to contact my pervious supervisor because he was still in Japan and that I would just have to deal with it.
LONG STORY SHORT.... I ATE A FREAKING DONUT BECAUSE I HATE WHERE I WORK. And you know what? It tasted like heaven dipped in baby angel tears. I almost want another.
It's been a long while since I have posted, and I'm just sitting here planning my new life and figured I would check in with the few people who read my blog. I hope everyone is doing well and losing what they are working so hard for. I don't actually know what I have lost or gained lately because I decided to stop weighing myself. I was becoming obsessed and making myself sick when I would "plateau" for a day or two. Which I know is normal, especially since I'm not even a month out from surgery. So I haven't gotten on my scale in over a week I think. Which is kinda nice actually, the first 2 days were pretty hard, but now it's nice not worrying about it and knowing that on the 25th I'll know.
The 25th is my fill date. I know that I'm going to need the fill, because as of right now when I eat my cup of food it only keeps me full for 2 hours, 3 if I push through the hunger pains. So I am eagerly waiting for my appointment to get a fill, if I wasn't such a wuss I would go sooner, but I need Ty to go with me because I'm scared for some reason, and the 25th is when he has his last two appointments.
So I joined the YMCA last night, because our stupid government is broke and the base pool is going to be closed until sometime next year. And I just want to swim! And at the Y I can take Zumba classes. which I love. But if the government wasn't broke-dizzle then I wouldn't have to be spending 40 a month to swim. Which in retrospect isn't that bad since when I swam on a club team it was over a hundred dollars a month for me to swim.
So on the topic of swimming, I have created a challenge for myself. I have found a website www.100swimmingworkouts.com that has..yup! you guessed it, 100 swim workouts to do. They start out for beginners with nothing over 1000 yards and builds up to swimming 2 miles by the end of the 100 work outs. I am waiting on a phone call from either my surgeon or nurse to tell me when I am cleared to swim. And when they give me the ok, I am giving myself 6 months to complete the 100 workouts. I am hoping to build up to swimming 5 times a week, which would mean that I would only really need 5 months, but hey, I'm human. I'm giving myself a month buffer incase I skip or miss a workout.
If anyone is interested in doing this with me, let me know. I would love to have a motivating companion that I can help motivate right back. I have always loved swimming, and it is one of the healthiest things that I have ever done that I loved as much as food. So I'm ready to get back into the swing of things. I'm hoping I won't be a complete mess when I first jump into the pool.
Well that's pretty much it for now. Love to hear from anyone with help or a simple hello!
Happy losing everyone!
Shelley
Tomorrow is the day of my last two appointments. And for the last month I have wanted time to speed up so much so that this day would come, but in the last couple if days I realized that today isn't really the day that I'm looking forward to, I'm looking forward to the day that I find out I'm approved, to the day that I start my 10 day pre-op diet, to the day that I get banded and start my new life. Tomorrow is just another stepping stone to all of those days.
This month has gone by pretty fast though, I have distracted myself with planning my wedding. This evening Ty and I go interview a photographer team. Then tomorrow I have an early dentist appointment, then off to the clinic for my physc Eval and my last nutrition appointment. Then I pray.
I have done so much research on my insurance and if people have had any problems being approved and it seems like no one has had any major issues as long as they follow all the rules. And I have, but I just can't shake this feeling of feeling like I am unprepared for a final exam. Did everyone else feel this way too towards the end? I just feel like I have so much riding on one day.
Wish me luck, I'll write tomorrow to let you know how it went.
I just finished my psyc eval and my last nutrition appointment, but I'm finally finished. And in classic Group Health fashion, my 2 years of health records still have not made it to the clinic, I hope that they make it there soon so that the insurance coordinator at the clinic can send in all my paperwork to my insurance company. She told me that I should expect an answer in about 2 weeks. Then I will be able to set a date for surgery, and I only have to do 7 days of pre op diet, so I'm hoping I can get the surgery on the 21 of March. The clinic that I am going to doesnt do surgeries on Fridays, so I hope I can get banded on Thursday, so I only have to take 2 days off from work. Pray for my approval please.
Happy losing!
Tonight is the first time in my entire life that I have cancelled plans to go out because I didn't feel comfortable in my clothes or own skin. My friends that I cancelled on (who weigh 125lbs soaking wet) are pretty upset, but I just told them I wasn't feeling good.
I have been feeling pretty terrible about myself lately, and that just makes me think negatively about my approval for the band, my sex drive is at an all time low for the first time that I can remember, and now this, crying on the way to Seattle for a concert and having to turn around and go home.
I feel blessed that I am able to talk openly with Ty and my best friend April, as she knows how I feel right now because she is 9 months pregnant. It's different, but the same.
My approval/denial news can't come soon enough. It's to the point where the weekend is becoming a burden because I know it's not a business day.
Happy losing everyone.
So, on Tuesday, the insurance coordinator at the surgery center that I'm working with, called me and of course I managed to miss the call. When I saw the missed call and the voicemail on my phone I almost pooped my pants. I figured I would only hear from her when she found out if I was approved or denied. The message just said, "call me as soon as possible." That doesn't help me much. So I call as fast as I could.
She could obviously tell what I thought the call was about, so she started off by telling me that my information and documentation had been sent in and she was waiting to hear (boo). But the reason for her call was to tell me that they would be doing surgeries on Friday, March 15th (which is odd, because they only do fills for half a day on Fridays) but she said they would be at another reputable hospital and it would still be their staff and surgeons, she was telling me this because she asked if I would like to have surgery on that date, and I said yes of course! She said that she was going to call my insurance company and try to get a quick approval and tell them that I had a date. So I hope to hear from her tomorrow or Thursday. She says she sees no reason I should be denied, so my hopes are a little up from where I thought.
If I am approved, then I would start my pre-op diet on Friday. AND I AM READY!!!
LoL, I'm up this early because I was in a bike accident at the end of work yesterday (Tuesday) ANSI really jacked up my arm falling. My arm is throbbing and it was keeping me up, so I left the bedroom to not wake Ty, and I'm watching late night tv and blogging!
Happy losing everyone!
I hope the next time I post it's to say I'm approved!
Shelley
Got the information back about our insurances... and it's a no go. I think I would be more upset if we hadn't already planned on self paying before calling the insurance company again. Our insurance complany only covers Gastric Bypass and inhouse only. Which figures, because it's Group Health. So that's the bad news, the good new/great news is that now that we know we are self paying, I havemade our appointments for consults!! June 29th it's go time!! I'm a little bummed Ty and I are going to be laying down 30,000 dollars, but I couldn't think of a better reason!
Ty is more on board than ever, he has already given up soda, he is on 4 days, no soda. I'm so proud of him. Even though he only drinks diet, but still, a huge step in the right direction.
I'm not sure how to bring up the subject to my friend from yesterday, we were drinking and now I'm not sure how to talk about it again. Maybe wait until she asks how it is going. Maybe after my appointment.
I'm just happy because it feels more real now. Now it's time to buckle down, save our monies, and follow through with everything. Sorry this is so short, just had to share the news.
Until next time.
~Shells
I only took in 620 calories yesterday..... I was worried about starvation mode but I lost weight. I'm going to try to drink 4, I was just never hungry for the 4th one yesterday. I did crash though.... I was in bed before 8. It took me a bit to fall asleep, but I could tell my body was done moving for the day.
All I have planned for today is cleaning house and tanning (<----my favorite)
I think I'm going to be able to survive this liquid diet, but it's only day 2, lol, we will see. I just gotta keep myself busy.
I had my final appointment with my surgeon before my surgery on Friday. It was weird to be off routine for my liquid diet, and it caused me to stray from the path that I have laid down for myself. Because the clinic that I am working with is about 2 hours away, I froze one of my protein shakes so that when I got hungry in the afternoon, I would have a cold shake. Well, I froze the shake solid and it wasn't close to being thawed out and It came time to where I could feel my tummy grumbling. So when I finally got home I popped one of my frozen meals into the microwave and waited. And as I waited, Ty made some lumpia for his dinner. After I finished my meal, I made a mistake. I ate two little lumpia. And they were so good. But right after I finished being happy about the taste, I immediately felt guilt. So I got my phone and went to input the lumpia into myfitnesspal I found out that they are 110 calories each. I felt even worse. The only thing I didn't feel bad about was not going over my calories. But I still felt awful.
Then I sat up and said to myself, "I am human, I make choices, some are good, some are better, and some just mean that there is another action to be its companion."
So the next thing I looked up on my phone, was when my gym closed. 9pm, so after the food settles in my stomach, I am going to finish the action that I started by eating the lumpia. I'm going to burn those calories and more. I no longer feel guilty, I feel responsible.
I've never had surgery before and I'm terrified. I don't understand how anesthetic works and that scares me. I'm ready to be home. That's all. Mumford and Sons playing to keep me calm, and it's working.
Even though I completed on of the steps that I needed to before my next appointment (requesting 2 years worth of medical records) it feels like this is going to be the longest month of my three month supervised diet. I just want it to be February 26th, but I know for sure that when that day finally rolls around, I'm going to be waiting for the next day. So much waiting to be healthy!!
I need something to do while waiting for surgery... I keep gaining!! I just don't know what to do anymore. Any time I get dressed or eat or something, I feel like bursting into tears. Ty told me today he has lost 5 pounds since he stop drinking diet soda.... I NEVER DRINK SODA!! It isn't fair!! I'm over this!
I hope everyone has a good week.
~Shells
Today started out
Oh Tuesdays
Last night even after trying on jeans
Bleck! I can’t even start a post! When I was in college in 2004, I took a creative writing class and the instructor would give us 10 minutes to close your eyes and type (for those who can do that, which is probably 80% of the population in this day and age) but she would tell you not to delete anything, just type. After the 10 minutes, go back and copy and paste the parts of whatever you just wrote into a story. I guess I never fell out of that habit, for I LOVE to write. I hope to have a few books published before I die.
Last night, before I went to attempt jean shopping, I went to Lane Bryant to try on a swim suit that I ordered off line just to make sure that it was going to fit and actually make me look decent enough to wear it in public. I tried it on and fell in love with it and now I’m so excited to get it in the mail. I went home and told Ty that I was so happy, that I found a suit that looks good on me and that we would have so much fun in San Diego. I felt good about myself, which is something I haven’t felt in a while.
Well, then it came to be bed time, I started a load of laundry because right now I only have 1 pair of jeans that I wear to work that fit me. I forgot to get up early and put them in the dryer with enough time for them to be dry for work…. Well now I don’t have any pants! So I tear apart my room looking for the only other pair that actually fit me and they have been eaten by a monster or something. Just my luck. I find a pair that I know are too small, but are the only ones that I’m going to be able to button.
THEY ARE TIGHT. I have to use a hair tie to make an expansion so that I can make it through the day… I debate calling in, then I remember that I need to save leave to go to San Diego to visit Ty… I walk out of the bathroom and continue on with gathering my things for work, and Ty says, “See you found them!” I had to shut him down quickly and inform him that these jeans are too small. He asks for a hug and I tell him I don’t want to give him a hug because I feel terrible. So he hugs me and tells me that I look fine, and I had to tell him about the hair tie. THEN HE LAUGHED!! Boys are dumb. I almost burst into tears. I had to tell him it isn’t funny, and then the apologized, which I believe, but still.
So now I’m at work… I started the morning off feeling sorry for myself. Then it was iPod time…Music is my everything. I grew up with music in my house all the time. After listening to a few songs, I was in a bit of a better mood and I realized I put myself in this mess; I’m on the right path to taking myself out.
This is my time.
I don't even know how to begin to describe my day... it's been a pretty good one. How about I just walk you through it.
4:20am: My alarm goes off informing me that I have 5 minutes to get out of bed. "Don't tell me how to live my life alarm... I do me." I spend the next 4 minutes contemplating skipping the gym since I have been working so hard lately. I deserve a break right?
4:24am: I check my daily horoscope.
4:25am: So I get up, realizing the only that is holding me back from success is me. The only thing that has held me back for the last 20+ years has always been me. I am my own maker. So I get out of bed and head to the bathroom.
4:27am: I pull out the scale. I know that I shouldn't be doing this, that I should wait. But on Sunday I weighed myself after a 4 day weekend from work and knew that I could have done better and weighed myself at my parent's house and saw that I had gained 3 pounds. No sirree! This is a one way express to the new me, so I decided there and then it was go time. That I was failing my band when all it was trying to do was fulfill its destiny. To save my life. So now I've decided to weigh myself at least once a week to make sure I'm at least heading in the right direction. So this morning when I got on the scale... what did I see you may ask?? Pa dow! That's what I saw.
Under 260! Haven't seen that in about a year and a half!
4:28am: Run screaming from the bathroom and jump onto Ty who is completely asleep. Tell him the news and watch him have an internal struggle of trying to show happiness for me and not punch me in the face for screaming and jumping on him at 4:30 in the morning.
5:00am: Get to the gym and jump on the treadmill. I chose the treadmill because I am doing a 30 day fitness photo challenge on instagram (Follow me! Shell_LB) and today's picture is supposed to be of "Calories Burned" So away I went.
5:42am: Then this happen....
FML right? What are ya gonna do? Fast forward to talking to my best friend who moved 3000 miles away from me to get married. Boo. She is having trouble get motivated to work out and eat right, so I just told her what I was doing. And how it is so helpful. All the journaling, food logs, counting, working out. ACCOUNTABLITY. This is part of conversation.
Welcome to my life...
And now I am at work... blogging.... I should win employee of the year!
After work (hour and a halfish) I'm going to Costco for a few things, then River fitness Boot Camp. Gotta get that booty in shape. My Goal is 250 by the end of June... I may need to come up with a new goal. ;D
After a depressing day yesterday, I woke up this morning feeling a lot better. I think my exact words in the car to Ty were, “Today is so much better than yesterday. The sun is out, the birds are chirping, and my pants fit.” I feel a lot better about myself when I’m not worrying so much about what I look like.
I’ve also decided to do something about it while I wait to be banded…
At first, I thought about no carbs. I remember doing the south beach diet and I lost weight doing it… but I also remember gaining the weight back when I couldn’t handle the cravings anymore. So then I got the brilliant idea of no carbs (bread, pasta, rice, potatoes) at work. Now this is something that I can do. So for the last two days I only eat fruits, veggies, meat, and cheese at work, with A LOT of water. And then eat a normal dinner. I need baby steps to change, which I think we all do. So this is how I’m going to take off (hopefully) a few pounds in the waiting.
Other than that, not much happened today. Going to the bank today with Ty to open a joint account so that we can both have allotments come out of our check to save for the surgery.
(before anyone tries to tell me not to get a joint account with a boyfriend, I promise you, as you continue to read about me through the years **if you stay with me that long** that we will be married. I’m very smart with my money and assets, and I wouldn’t do something like this if I didn’t trust them 300%)
Have a great evening everyone!!
I am still doing the research on switching insurance. But I found out that the surgeon and facility that we orginially went to is accepted by the new insurance. It is the most amazing feeling!!
My only problem in life right now?? I miss placed my engagement ring... I need to find that thing!!
Back to work...boo
Still dealing with the switching of our insurances (Did you know they charge to print out your OWN medical record??)
My grandpa that lives across the country is dying...triple boo
Dealing with trying to figure out when to fly to PA to deal with that, but last night I remembered that Tyler and I have an emergency savings account that we have a little money from every paycheck go to and that was a huge relief! Finding out I won't have to worry about how to pay for my ticket and ect. Everyone needs a secret savings account that you put in just a little bit, it adds up and you forget about it and then
Bam! You have money.
My next appointment is at the end of the month. I need to work harder on meeting my goals. I have been eating on a smaller plate, which is still weird, such a mind game.
Good luck everyone and have a great weekend!
It's kinda cheesy, but I kinda set myself up for success this morning. I set my alarm so that it would play "A New Day Has Come" By:Celine Dion. I feel like it's just the good juju that I'm going need to undo yesterday.
TODAY is the day that I change health insurances! Then I just have to wait until January. Which is fine since I've already waited 6 months already.
So now I'm off to work. Easy day today. Then just work tomorrow, then Thursday off. So really an easy week.
Have a great day everyone!
Even though Ty is staying 2 hours away from me, he couldn't have been a better fiance' than today! After I called him with our amazing news about being able to start the process, he went and bought my Christmas present so I could have it early! A brand new Canon camera!! So that I can take photos of my journey and start recording a continuous vlog of everything! I'm soooo happy today! Nothing could bring me down! (Except this sad episode of Catfish ) I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving eve!
That its possible to live without food running your life. I am in a very veryy small town visiting family in Pennsyvania.....Bobtown, PA. Ya, go ahead and look that up on a map. Anyway, it's been a running joke in my family that if you need to loses weight, take a trip back home to Bobtown. Growing up and even in my younger adult years I never fully understood why this worked.
See, the family that lives here, my aunt and uncle and my pap pap and a few other random older relatives, and all my cousins, they are all skinny, and fit, and beautiful. They have always been like this. They are very active and play sports through college and maintain a good workout schedule. THEY RARELY EAT! This is no exaggeration.... I have been here for over 48 hours, during the parts of the days where if I was at home I would have eaten probably 11ish times (breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, dessert) and since being here, I have eaten 4 times. FOUR.
When I was younger, I used to think that it was because they couldn't afford food like my parents. (This is a very poor old mining town, just like the little towns that surround it) and that made sense to me.... But now, as I visit them during the begining of my lap band journey, after learning the things that I have learned and after seeing my nutritionist amd practicing the skills I'll need after surgery, I realize that my family here in Bobtown have had it right the whole time. It wasnt necessarily because the didn't have the financial means to eat like I always have while growing up and now (to much and terrible food)... It's because they EAT TO SURVIVE not survive to eat. Food isn't a priority, it isn't an emotnal blanket, it isn't a pass time here. They don't keep massive amounts of food in the house because its unneeded. And that is the way that I need to start living.
So I bought new jeans last night, I am a size down... actually a size and a half. I got into a pair of 18 jeans, buttoned them up and got the zipper up. But that doesn't mean that I should be wearing them. I have a No Muffin Top policy. It doesn't bother me to buy the size up to insure that the jeans fit the way that they are meant to. But I bought the 18s along with the size 20 that fits the way that it should, because the sale was pretty good. Silver jeans aren't cheap and I got them for buy one get one half off, so instead of paying $100 each It came out to about $75, which is a come up! And now I have a better judgment of my shrinking size since I don't weigh myself anymore. I fell like if I continue to work out the way that I have been, then the jeans will fit in a month or less.
And for the people who will read this and think I'm crazy for buying 100 dollar jeans, I will tell you this. More expensive clothes fit the way that they are supposed to. The cheaper you buy, the worse the fit and the more alterations you will have to do if you want them to fit the way that they should. But, I will add, I take good care of my clothes, so I can sell them afterwards. I normally get upward of 50 dollars for each of my jeans because they are sturdy enough not to wear through the thighs. And when I buy dresses or going out shirts, I don't mind spending a lot, even though I'm only going to wear it once, because I always end up selling it for about what I paid for it.
I had a different breakfast this morning and it rocked my world. English Muffin with peanut butter and strawberries. So glad it wasn't yogurt. I'M SO OVER YOGURT!
Had my first Stuck moment yesterday during lunch. It was horrific. I was in public... with my sister... who doesn't know I had wls... so I told her I was choking a little. I couldn't get it to come up, so I drank water. I never want that to happen again. And the moment I swallowed the food I knew I had effed up. And I did. And this is why I will wait another month to eat a sandwhich.
Happy losing everyone. The weekend is close!
Shelley
About a week ago, my boyfriend and I decided that this is our option and choice, Lap-Band surgery. The path that we will take to better our lives and selves before getting married and having children. I have tried so many ways to lose weight, but what ever small amount I lose, I always gain back, and now I am at my heaviest. I blame myself though and my lack of self control. I was in Japan for the first two months of the year and I went without a vast variety of foods that we take for granted, so when I came home from Japan I ate everything I didn't have for two months. So now I'm 275 pounds, almost pullin 3 bills, and it makes me sick. Tyler says that he is the heaviest that he has ever been, over 300 pounds, but he refuses to exercise, he's lazy that way. He thinks it's all about his portions, and that with Lap-band that will be the jump start he needs. I believe him, I feel like if he knew that he had a helping hand that it would be what he needed. Same for me too.
We are planning on getting the surgery in December (Tyler is going on a 6 month trip to San Diego for work and will be home close to Christmas). We are self-paying so I want to save up as much as we can so that we don't have to finance the whole thing.
My biggest issue right now is that I know for sure this is what we want to do, now I just have to wait 6 months, but it's completely changed my thought process. Now when I'm working out ( I do Crossfit, extreme cardio and weight lifting) it feels so hard and difficult and I find myself saying, "This shouldn't be so hard." And when I am making meal choices for me and Tyler, I sometimes go with the unhealthy choice with the back thought, my life will start anew in December. I need to get out of this mind set. I know that eating healthy and working out I'm not going to lose enough weight to not need the surgery in december, My goal weight is 165. Tyler says his is 200. These I feel are good goal, and obtainable once the surgery is complete. We shall see.
on my couch with teeth whiten trays in and smelling the sweet smell of my tanning lotion left on my skin while typing with my new pretty clean manicure, I realize I spend a lot of time and money on trying to look good....to compensate for the fact that I am not skinny.
On Tuesday I'm going to be calling my Weight loss facility and then my insurance company to make sure of the next few things that need to get done before my last nutrition appointment which is on the 25th of Feb, so I hope to be able to be approved and banded in early March. It seems so far away.
So the reason why I am really writing this blog today.... something that I plan on starting to do again and from here on in. When I was in high school I used to eat in front of a full length mirror that was in the dining room. As I was able to see what i was putting into my mouth and how much of it was entering my body. I used to stop eating long before my plate was empty! and I'm going to start again.
Let me know what you think.
