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bringin it.

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And It All Comes Crashing Down........

Woke up this morning and headed to Seattle with Ty... First we met with the dietitian and learned a lot of stuff. It was nice because we got to do both consults together. After talking to the surgeon, she told us that it would be better if I did the surgery a few months before Ty, and that a few months before leaving for Japan. So I was excited and scared to think that I would be getting the surgery in a month or so. Then we came home to see if we would qualify for CareCredit.... and sadly we don't. So now it looks like we are going to have to wait until I come home from Japan in May of 2013. I'm sad. I don't know if I can wait a year.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

9
 

Ugggg.... Jean Shopping

Im sitting in the dressing room at Macy's feeling defeated. All I needed was a pair of jeans for work.... I wear yoga pants at home because I'm so fat, but I work on a shipyard and I have tO wear jeans.   You know the moment when you pull the jeans up to your knees and you instantly know they aren't going to fit? Or when you finally find a pair that you can pull up the whole way and manage to button up and you're working wIth muffin top, camel toe, or they are so wide in the leg you can't see your feet? I pretty much hate myself right now. I hate buying jeans based on how long it will take me to tailor them to my body. Good thing I'm a good seamstress I guess.   The next six months can't fly by fast enough.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

8
 

When It Rains... It Pours.... Literally.

I live in the great state of Washington, the state of evergreen trees, Starbucks, Vampires and Native American Werewolves. I also live in a state that rains so much you don't have to refresh your dog's outside waterbowl during the fall/winter/spring. It rained so much last week that some how my chimney got clogged with wet soot. It rained so much last night that my roof couldn't handle life anymore and crapped out and started leaking into my ceiling and about 3 inches away from my 70 flat screen. Chimney sweep came today. Fireplace good. Ty had to come home early from work and grab a friend to tarp the roof. That lasted all of an hour before it got so windy that the cinderblocks that were holding the tarp down started sliding off the roof in a death fall. One of them crashed onto a fish tank that was out side to be cleaned and sold. Not anymore... now there are shards of glass in the grass. While listening to the cinderblocks side across my roof in a sound that can only be compared to a giant sledding down my roof, I ran out to the livingroom with a book and my iPhone to see what it was. I stepped in dog pee because my dumb mutt dogs refuse to go to the bathroom outside because it's wet. So in a fit of rage I slammed down my book which also included my phone. I'm not a weak person... I threw it with some force. And well.... long story short, I broke my phone.I call Ty (who went with his friend to the driving range) and inform him of the cinderblock storm that is rainging around our house.... he tells me it's not a big deal. BAAAAHHHGGGG!! I then was contacted by someone at work to inform me that I will be sent on a tdy trip for a few months. So I go look for my government credit card... can't find it. ANYWHERE. So I call and cancel it and order a new one that will be expidited and be here by tomorrow afternoon. Call work back and tell them.... well that isn't good enough. The trip is emergant and I was to be leaving tomorrow. So now they go to the next person on the list... who might that be? Ty. So now he is leaving tomorrow on MY trip because I am so unorganized I can't handle life. But no worries, work said there is a possibility that I could be going on the trip, just on the 3rd of December. Which is fine. I just can't handle today.... and it's not even 1:30 yet.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

6
 

Just One Of The Guys....shoot Me

I can't wait for the day when the guys that I work with stop seeing me as "just one of the guys" and sees me as a girl. Fridays, in the shipyard, are normally known as "Fat Fridays" where someone brings in something special to eat. Today it was scones... so yummy.And as I was walking towards the box to get on, one of my idiot co-workers said, "Whoa now! Don't knock me over trying to get one!" I pretty much wanted to put the scone back. Awesome a** hole, that's just what I wanted to hear in the morning, that you think I want the scone bad enough to knock you over to get to the box that is filled with them, Of course my whole crew laughed, as did I (because isn't that what we do? conform into the funny fat friend?) I laughed it off and went on my way, but it hurts, Why would you say that to an overweight girl? This happens a lot to me with where I work, we become so much like family that sometimes the morons that I work with think it's ok to say hurtful things... I'm a lady god damn it! Treat me as such. LoL.   Well I hope everyone has a great weekend, I'm going to try. I don't get to work overtime to put money in the bank because I have to go to my friend's son's 1st birthday party. What do you do at a one year old's birthday party? Especially since I don't have a kid to bring to it? I just don't get it... I feel like all we are really celebrating is that my friend didn't kill her kid in the first year. It's not like her child is going to understand what is going on. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love that baby with everything that I have, but still... I feel like if he can't say birfday... I shouldn't have to attend. ( I really hope this mentality goes away before I have a kid of my own). I just feel like it is like celebrating a kid "graduating" from the 6th grade... "Congratulations! You did what is expected of every other kid in America! Now on to another grade for you." I guess I was just brought up differently, My high school graduation present was luggage... so that I could move out. My friend got a car. I had a 3.9 GPA and she barely passed.... I just don't understand people sometimes. My kid is going to get a high five and a microwave. And the same speech (with a slight variation), "Congratulations! You did what is expected of every other kid in America! Now get out of my house you bum." <------I've rambled.   Have a great Friday night folks!   ~Shells
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

5
 

It Has Been 3 Months Since I Last Posted...

And it saddens me so. I wish that I could say that things are going the way they should be and that I have been banded, but I haven't and it still looks like I'm going to have to wait a year or more. And that isn't a good thing. I have given up in a sense. I have gained weight and I can't seem to get modivated to do anything about it in the mean time. I need to start working out to slowly start taking off the weight so that I don't reach 300lbs. I just don't know how it got so bad. I wish that my insurance covered the surgery or at least helped out. Ty doesn't seem to care, and that makes me think that he doesn't care if it happens or not, which makes me more depressed about the whole situation. I wish we could find a co-signer to help with the CareCredit but I guess I will just have to wait.   Other news though... which is great news... I'm ENGAGED! Ty proposed to me about a month and a half ago while I was visiting him in San Diego. Super excited. We won't be married though for a few years, because I want to lose weight before hand.   Until next time.   Shel   *I guess I'll have to fake it 'til I make it*
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

5
 

Oh My Gosh!! Such Great News!

I found out that I can start my process now!! I can start the 3 month supervisied diet now! And it will still count when I actually get the new insurance! I'm so happy!! So it's just less time until I get banded!!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

5
 

My List...

Of things I want to be able to do on and after my weightloss journey. To sky dive (weight limit is 200lbs for my height)
Be able to comfortably fit in an economy airline seat
Be able to ride roller coasts with a "no doubt" mind set that I will fit
Start training for a triatholon
Be back to my high school jean size of 11 and medium top
Learn to play violin (not really weightloss related... but whatev, I want to learn)
Be able to wear high heels longer than 3 hours with out my feet hurting from 270+lbs crushin my tooties
Not have to try on 20 dresses to find 1 that looks ok to wear
Be able to walk up the dry-dock stairs at work with out feeling like I'm dying (literally...my leg feel like they're going to fall off and my heart feels like it's going to explode)
Not having to crop pictures anymore
No more having to retake pictures 20 times to find one where I don't look huge
  I know I'll come up with more....
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

5
 

Last Day At A Desk...for Now Anyway ;d

Today is the last day that I will be sitting at a desk for a while. I'm glad to be going back to the waterfront. I feel like part of the reason why I have gained some weight in the last month is because I stopped being active at work. But don't get me wrong, I don't want to be on the waterfront for the rest of my career. At some point I woulnd't mind a job that is less demanding then what I do on the waterfront. But I'm still young, and I still have some work left in me.   Tomorrow is my and Ty's consultations with the nutritionist and the surgeon. I'm so excited!! It feels like everything is happening for real! I called the receptionist and asked if Ty and I could combine our surgeon consult and they said yes, but no to the nutrition consult, which I figured would happen. I wanted separte nutrition consults because we eat so differently.   I can't believe Ty leaves in 4 days! This is going to be the longest TDY trip for either one of us while we have been together. But at least I will be able to go visit him. If it were 6 months in Japan, that is a different story....   I am, however, trying to get a trip to Japan to pay everything off. Ty and I are ok with being apart from eachother for almost a year to get the things we want, but for some reason our families have a problem with us being apart from eachother for so long. I just don't get it. Ty and I both have the opprotunities to travel and earn a lot of money to pay for the things we want in cash and our parents think that it's a bad idea. We don't want credit cards for everythinig. If I didn't think the Care Credit card wouldn't help out in the future after the band (tummy tuck, boob job, emergencies) then I wouldn't even want that, but I can't wait a year for the band!   I have been doing some research on the Fitbit and everyone seems to love it. I really want Ty and I to get ones after we get banded. And the new fancy scale that they have. I wish I could keep myself off the scale that I have at home. I almost want to throw it out. It upsets me more than it makes me happy, and anything else in my life that would do that, I would throw out. Maybe I'll just put it somewhere that is hard to get.   On saturday I am doing my second 5k! It's the foam run. Check out this website to see if one is coming to your hometown, because it looks like so much fun! www.5kfoamfest.com My friends from work are doing it with me. I am, sadly, the fat friend in the group, but they are nice about the fact that I can't run as much as they can. We did the color run about a month ago, and that 5k was a bit more difficult because there weren't any obstacles to break up the running...but it was a lot of fun. This is me and my friends doing it. It's kinda long, but there are some pretty funny parts in it. Also, I did the music mix myself with a dj app on my ipad ... it was my first time.  Hope everyone has a great rest of the day! I will probably write something tomorrow because I will be so excited!   Shells
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

5
 

I Feel Addicted....

To thinking about lap band. I wish I could occupy my mind with something else, but for the most part I'm hooked. When working, whn Ivey out of breath, I just think about being banded. Everything banded.... All the time. I need a distraction.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

5
 

Feelin' Better With Progress

I've lost 4 pounds in 2 days by not eating any carbs through out the day until dinner. It made me so happy to see the numbers on the scale go down this morning, I can keep this up! Short little blip today. Hope everyone is having a great day.   ~Shels
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

4
 

The Stuggle Between Body And Mind... Body 1 Mind 0

Oh the weekend. I don’t know why my mentality changes so much from the 5 days that I’m at work to the 2 days that I’m at home. I’ll list the differences that can make or break my health: AT work I drink almost 64oz of water a day, at home it probably less than half.
At work I can keep up with eating healthy, at home I had Jack in the Box
Actually that’s about it, lol, but that’s still terrible for me. I need to get better at this. Last night I had my weekly softball game, and I left so frustrated and so upset with myself I wanted to cry. Ty couldn’t play because his hip has been bothering him so bad, but he came to watch. Every time I got up to bat, I would hit the ball, drop the bat and run like hell for 1st base. And all 4 times as I was right above the base in the air, the 1st baseman would catch the ball and I would be called out. Less than a second away each time. I’m so upset with myself because I keep thinking, “If I was a little less fat I would have been just a little bit faster and I would have beat the ball.” Or “If I was just a little stronger, I would have hit it a little further and I wouldn’t have to run so fast.” It’s frustrating to be held back by my body. Ty told me that each time I hit it was a good play because I advanced players on the bases, I was just sacrificing myself to get more runs… it still sucks. I wanted to at least get to second base. Oh well, after I get banded, game on.   On Friday Ty and I have our consultations with our surgeon and nutritionist, it’s exciting because it’s becoming so real. The appointments on top of our “Lapband Savings” account, I know I’ll make it the next 6 months. I just keep telling myself that most people have to wait and jump through hoops for 6 months all the time, I can do it.   Well I hope we all have a great week!   Shells
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

4
 

The Drink

I don't drink often... (not since Japan) but Ty does. Last night we both got pretty drunk, and this morning I had proof of the night in the feeling of my body. IT HURT. But now I'm wonder how one drinks with Lap Band. I know that I can give up alcohol... I think, but I know Ty will have a harder time. We like to go out with our friends, but how does it work with the band? Just some thoughts that I'm having. I'm pretty tired today, after work a 10 hour shift of overtime, and now I am sitting on my couch watching Pride and Prejudice and getting ready for bed. We have an early morning, our company golf tournement, Ty is a very good golfer, I wish he would go golfing more often.   I hope everyone is having a great weekend. Any answers on the alcohol question would be awesome.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

4
 

After Surgery....

Surgery went well, I was pretty terrified, cried before and the woke up crying. The conversation that I had while waking up: Me: (soft sobs) I just want to get married. Nurse: Awe, that's sweet. Do you have a boyfriend? Me: (long pause) Well that's a dumb question. Why would I want to get married without a boyfriend? The nurse just laughed.   Today, I'm pretty sore, gas pains come and go, and I've stayed on top of my Vicodin to avoid pain. Went walking around the mall today with my brother, the came home cause I was tired. But I'm happy I did it.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

3
 

Ugh... I Can't Wait Until....

I can feel good enough about myself... even when something isn't going well. I was invited to go out with some friends and I went to go shower to get ready and after looking in the mirror and staring at my aweful skin (I just went off my birth control and I have broken out like a teenager) so I made up some fib to get out of going out so that I could do a face mask and wallow in my self pitty. I'm normally a confident girl... but that's normally because I have flawless skin that I can rock with awesome eye make up... that over powers my body size. But not tonight. I don't think I have enough makeup or skill to cover up the mess that is my face. So tv, face mask and a fire for me. Cleaning tomorrow and santa on Sunday.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

3
 

I Feel Better After...

Some movies, a facial mask...a face wash...a face steam with peppermint...and then alcohol swabbed onto my face. We shall see if this is the perfect combination treatment or if this will irritate my skin further.   ETA of my gorgeous camera is the 29th... a day after my first appointment. So I am planning on recording my first vlog then! I'm so excited to document everything! Hopefully my skin is cleared up by then :wub:   It's pretty late (for me) so I'm off to bed. Night!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

3
 

So Random

This is going to be pretty random, I apologize in advance.   Went swimming this morning with my sister and my cousin. My sister doesn't know that I had wls but my cousin does, she's actually the one that took me to the hospital on the day of the surgery. Anyway, my cousin told me that I was losing weight () but that my boobs have gotten smaller (D:) It's only a small set back because Ty told me that after I am done having kids, he will go to Japan and save a bunch of money and then I get a boob job ( :D)   I haven't weighed myself in about 2 weeks. I'm slightly curious as to how much I weigh, but more curious on if I can buy new jeans. I am going to the mall to buy a new pair on Friday. Hoping I have moved down a size in the jean department. I know that I have lost an inch or so on my upper body because my jacket fits looser.   So I didn't make a lunch for today. I try to prepare my lunch the night before, especially the night before I'm going to be waking up earlier to go swimming, but last night I was nauseated and I couldn't figure out what to make for lunch. Nothing sounded good at the time, and now besides my breakfast, my lunch bag was empty. I mean I can go buy something, but it was just disheartening to know that I was nauseated for some reason and that it affected the sound of food for the next day. I also have decided that I need to figure out some other breakfast because I am getting tired of yogurt. But it's just so much protein and I know that I need it, but it's becoming a chore to choke it down. I think I am going to start looking into some sort of frozen breakfast thing that I can start switching out with the yogurt. Maybe do every other day yogurt.   I've been working out a lot, which is good I guess, but it seems like all I do every day is work, workout, and sleep. Does anyone else feel this way? How much is the norm for working out in the beginning?   Ugh... it's only Wednesday, bring on the weekend.  
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

3
 

It Feels As If....

....I'm getting the band tomorrow, and I'm just going in for a seminar. Ty just told me that he is confused on why we are going, he says that with all my research I should have all the information. But I have a Million questions that I need answered! This is normal right? ....It feels like Christmas Eve right now... I don't even know how I'm going to get through work tomorrow. I'll need to figure out a way to stay focused... I have a career altering test tomorrow afternoon. Game on.     Have a great night and an awesome day tomorrow.     ~Shelley
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

3
 

APPROVED!

I started this journey in June of 2012.... And today I recieved the news that I am approved for surgery! I will be banded on March 15th. Tomorrow I am starting my liquid pre-op diet. I can't believe it's happening!! This weekend I have so much planned! Cleaning and arts and craft, and finally starting my Vlog! I will keep you posted! Thanks for reading and helping me along the way everyone!
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

3
 

Either This Or That...i Hate Not Knowing......

This was how it was all planned out: June 29th--Ty and I go in for our dietion appointment and surgeon consultation July 2nd--Ty leaves for San Diego for almost 6 months All the time in between would be us saving to put as much down on our surgeries as possible December 14th--Ty comes home and we see the surgeon again to start our Pre-Op diets December 26ish--We get banded...   Well all of that has a huge chance of changing, Ty might have to stay in San Diego until February. He then told me if that was the case, I might as well go to Japan for 6 months starting in November, and have the surgery when I get home. That way we won't have to finance anything, we would have saved enough for both surgeries.   As much as I like the idea of not having to finance anything, I hate the idea of having to wait a year to get banded. I'm having a hard enough time waiting 6 months, let alone a whole year. Ty doesn't understand. He just keeps saying, "What's another year?"   1 Year = Me hating what I look like for another year
Not being able to do all the activities that I want for another year
Feeling terrible about myself for another year
Not fitting in my clothes for another year
Running the risk of gaining more wait for another year
Giving up on everything and not wanting to be banded in a year
Depression.
  This whole situation is depressing to me. So now I don't know what to do. Should I cancel the appointment that we have on the 29th of this month and wait the year or keep the appointment and hope he doesn't get extended. All of this makes me sick to my stomach. Any advice or encouragement would be appreciated.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

2
 

It's Been A Long Time...

My oh my, it has been a long minutes since I have posted anything. It's hard for me to come to this site now as much as I did before I was banded. I think I used this site as a distraction from the waiting for surgery. Now that I'm banded I am distracted by the fact that this is a lifetime commitment to change and dedication. Figuring out what works for me, what doesn't work. How to find a substitute for the things that I can't stand and for things to feel somewhat normal to me. After my first fill I was a bit upset that my band is now half full and I'm not even two months into my journey. And while explaining my feelings to Ty he calmly looked at me and said, "You're going to have to make it work. It's not like they are going to go in and remove your band to replace it with a bigger one. It's a shitty mistake but you didn't like surgery, so now make it work." And he's right. Surgery was pretty much the most traumatic thing I have ever done in my life and I would be plenty happy never doing it again. But for the good things;   -My old clothes are starting to fit -I'm getting stronger at the gym -I was invited to join a masters swim team * not sure if I'm ready, they are swimming about double the amount of yards that I swim currently :/ * -Running my first 5k of the year this Sunday... maybe... it might rain and it's the color run. That doesn't really mix well.   To follow me better find me on instagram, I post pictures daily! Screen name: Shell_lb
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

2
 

It's Getting Better....

I am on day 6 post op and its finally getting better. I have been researching and researching for the past 8 months about lapband, but NOTHING could have prepared me for day of surgery and the 5 days following. I'm still a bit sore when breathe deep, and when I get hungry. But I'm definately ready to eat mushy foods, my protein shakes are making me sick and nothing sounds good anymore. Except pizza. I have been craving pizza for two weeks. But I'm ready. I'm ready to get back in the gym and I'm ready to really ready to start my journey.   Follow me on Instagram! Shell_LB
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

2
 

Now It Feels Like Christmas Is Coming!

24 more days!     Now I have a good ole fashion Christmas countdown until my last two appointments. And I finally found a distraction, planning my wedding. And now sadly, my next week will be filled with doggy time. I have to get rid of my two dogs due to work and other reasons. Next saturday (the 9th) is the drop off date. BOO so I am going to cuddle as much as I can.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

2
 

Again... It's Been Awhile :/

It's been a while since I blogged anything and I think that is becasue I kinda gave up on the idea of getting banded. I just found out this morning that BCBS covers the surgery! So I will be switching proptly! And Next year re-starting my journey of getting banded, because I have been trying things that keep failing. It feels good again to be hopeful. We shall see. HAve a great day everyone.
Shelleymb

Shelleymb

2

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