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About this blog

A one year journey from insurance approval to surgery and to explorinng this new weight loss surgery

Entries in this blog

 

Nerves... Or Just Cold Feet?

I am really not a nervous kind of gal... even when I was pregnant I never really felt nervous. Having said that I feel that my impending surgery has brought out my nerves. I have made my decision but I had a thought... well at least a partial thought today.... OMG!!!! I only have 3 days before my pre-op diet starts, 3 days to eat food... THREE. DAYS.. I wasn't having any cravings until this thought.. surviving on protein shakes for the next 2 weeks of my life.. and ..guess what.. I want cake, not just any cake decandent icing and ganache dripping chocolate cake with white filling, yes.. now as someone who is undergoing WLS in 1 week, is that r4eally what I should do? Do I give into the I want cake or fight it? Any thoughts? but I really want cake!   I have few things I am really going to miss... I am an equal opportunity food lover and I do not discriminate, I love sweet and salty, carbs and protein... you name it and I promise I probably love it. I am trying to imagine what it would be like to not be hungry and have to make myself eat. You have no idea what a foreign concept that it to me... or perhaps you do.   I'm sure this is a passing phase as I am really excited to start this journey... i deserve at least one freak out- right??
Bamabander

Bamabander

6
 

What 1 Month Post Op Feels Like....

I have to say that this is by far the best thing I have ever done for ME! Having said that, the first week after surgery sucked for me. I had the "what have I done" feeling every minute. I was in pain, on liquids and hungry, just feeling blah overall but let me tell you by the end of week two I felt good and now at 1 month post op... well I am feeling great! The weight loss down and dirty... started pre-op May 25, weighed in at 262. I lost 8.5 on the 5 day liquid pre-op. I could only eat drink was protein shakes,sugar free popsicles, sugar free jello, and 8 oz broth each day... i didn't cheat but boy was I tempted. Pre-op diet STINKS! I swear it is the hardest part, think about it, I can't control my eating and coming to have WLS and they tell me to basically starve myself... When you get through this, you have made it!     Flash Forward- lost a total of 22 pounds 19 pounds because I gained back 3 going on a regular diet and one big cheat day, but I am doing 40 minutes a day in cardio and started some 1 pound weight toning, still restricted on lifting for 2 more weeks. I feel that if I don't move I am not going to lose, so as much as I love hate exercising I do it! Feels great to accomplish my goal each day! I can't believe that I am starting to fiut into my old fat clothes... I have been between a 14/16 to a 22 W in the last 3 years, yes I can lose, no I can't maintain, which is why I need the band!   My fitness pal has become my BFF (BTW, add me- user name- neatnickk) I log EVERYTHING!! I strongly reccommend this... be accountable, dont cheat because the only person that you cheat is YOU! Make this day the day you decide to be accountable... We will do this together, I need support, you need support... We are all in the same boat!   I have to give a big shout out to hubby and family.. they are so great! Hubby is down 15 since my surgery and 15 year old son (football player, 6'1" feet tall, 250 pounds and all muscle, is down 4 pounds, even though he doesn't need it) my girls are very supportive too... every one eats the foods I can eat and is loving this new lifestyle. We are all working out together and really having a good time, who knew my surgery would make us a closer family... like I said BEST THING I HAVE DONE FOR ME (and them)!   I think the plication has really helped hunger but I still deal with head hunger, some days not at all, others like a hibernating bear having his first meal... but I'm dealing and improving each day!   So tell me... where are you in the process? How are you feeling? Best tips? Worst nightmares? Share... that's why we are here!
Bamabander

Bamabander

4
 

Norman Rockwell Does Not Live In Your Cake!!!!

OK this is the low down... YES I did get that piece of cake but guess what... it wasn't that great, It did taste very good but IT IS ONLY FOOD!!! I think for years now my thoughts and cravings are more about my mind than my taste buds. Don't get me wrong it tasted good but not as good as my mind made it seem like it should be... I have given this extra dimension to food for years and have just realized it. I feel a little shell shocked still but let me say it again... ITS JUST FOOD!!!   You know how you work so hard to plan the "perfect Christmas Morning?" Months and months of attending to every detail.. I make these gorgeous bows and make home made gift tags for each gift. I shop and shop and shop finding the a perfect gifts, I stress and spend and swear I will never do it again because every year they rip through the gifts with very little notice to the hours I have spent wrapping etc and inevitably we have a return pile for all those "perfect gifts" but you know why I do it... I do it because I am chasing the Norman Rockwell version of Christmas painted on a card, Not the real Christmas we celebrate, where our PJ's dont match, we have bed head and to be completly honest I will undoubtedly have smeared mascara on my face from being up so late making everything so perfect, that I fall asleep without even washing my face or brushing my teeth...   Now the point is... (drum roll please)..... I have made every craving, every food fantasy into the erotic unatainable perfect "meal or snack or whatever" in my mind... it WILL NEVER be as good in my mouth as it is in my mind! Norman Rockwell doesn't live in CAKE!!!   Can anyone else agree with me or have I truly gone off the proverbial deep end??
Bamabander

Bamabander

3
 

Oh My... (Feeeling) Naked!!!!

Well this is a whole new world for me... first of all blogging and sharing my little piece of the world is intriguing but leaves me feeling wel, a little naked... I have decided if I am doing this I am giving 100%.. all truth, all feelings, triumphs and struggles and why not. This is my personal one year diary of how I become a butterfly and I can not wait to read the end. I really hope to find freinds and supporters that will challenge, cheer and just share as I explore the next 12 months..   Now the nitty gritty... I am currently waiting for insurance approval for lap band... I am actually having banded plication but there is no billable code for this yet.. so the surgeon is able to do it. It is a fairly new procedure that is to increase weight loss results short term, keep long term results and is actually thought to decrease th chance of band slippage and is minimally invasive compared to other WLS currently done.   I am hoping that this is the right tool to enhance my journey... maybe journey is the wrong word... maybe life long scavenger hunt to find a healthier me... and I am sure if you are reading this you know what I mean. I was a fat child, an overweight teen, a starving but almost thin college person and then I was married and had my first child... I went from eating barely 900 calories a day and constant exercising to maintain a size 10 to.. I am eating for two...90 pounds later my 7 pound 6 oz baby was born and I am still blaming it on baby fat.. even though that baby is about to turn 20 and I had two more since and all are teen agers... yes I have tried and done most diets... my most successful was Weight Watchers, I lost 60 pounds and maintained that loss for about 2 weeks... yep 2 weeks, since then I have gained it all back and added 20 more... I have gained 80 pounds.. seems incredible and impossible but yet it is true.. how, well that I struggle with. I put more calories in my mouth than i burn but on paper not enough to gain 80 pounds.. I've had my thyroid tested and it's fine, so it leaves me at a loss.   I am hoping that this is my last attempt at losing and I can make this one year endeavor my swan song for losing weight... please join me, I'm gonna need a lot of suport!
Bamabander

Bamabander

2
 

True Confessions....

So today is a mix of emotions... first let me say I am not a patient person and if this process has taught me something it's that I must be patient... but like I said that's difficult. Got a call from the surgeons office and I need a formal dietician visit for insurance review.. I finished my 6 month (7 visit) on March 15. i anticipated being banded in April... I am hoping it happens in May but am unsure...Now I am wondering if the dietician visit was required with the 6 month supervised, I was going to Weight Watchers the entire time.. but dang another bump in the road, but I shall persevere!!     Where to start.. well let me bare the craziest thing about this whole journey... 4 years ago i attended a weight loss surgery seminar with a friend as her moral supprt... I was not judgemental but swore up and down that this was not for me, BECAUSE i love food.. well duh, I guess I am not the brightest bulb on the tree... Over the last 4 years I have lost and gained over 200 pounds.. the most being 80 pound loss. I wonder some days why I can't keep my weight under control. I remember saying at the time to myslef "I would never do this, I would feel deprived, I would hate to live without eating anything I want".... the irony is that now I can not wait to be limited... I love structure and am (I know this is weird but) am already following the pre-op diet because I can't wait anymore.... but it's a matter of being ready and knowing you have tried everything... I hadn't had enough failure then to concede that I needed a better tool to help me.   It's not that I can't diet... I can and do, and have my whole life. I can spout fat, calories, carbs, protein and fiber of most any food you can name. I know what good nutrition is and I understand input/output. I can tell you how many calories I burn in 30 minutes of many exercises... I am not dumb... I am not lazy... I am not weak.... I AM ALWAYS HUNGRY!!! I know that sounds silly but that is really what it comes down to.   I really feel that many of us are in the same boat. I have accomplished so much... and am a prefectionist in many ways, (OK, it may seem like I'm bragging here but I am making a point).. I have three fabulous, successful, athletic children who never get in trouble, they are respectful and kind, I have a great marriage, I graduated college with a great GPA, was great at my job when I worked, love staying at home now and caring for home/children, did the PTA president thing, always a homeroom mom, always volunterring at church.. and can do anything I set my mind to BUT keep a healthy weight. I find it embarrassing at times... that's a lie... I find it embarrassing most of the time. As unfair as it is we all know the fat discrimination... it sucks and it makes me feel "less than" in certain situations. I know that is more my problem than society.. but I also know how I am viewed compared to my size 4/6 friends...   I hope I have not rambled too long... I feel myself purging all the negative and finally getting in touch with my feelings.... this process has been great for intraspective analysis, and I am getting there... and believe it or not, am already feeling much lighter!
Bamabander

Bamabander

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