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confessions of a slow loser

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what a winter this is turning out to be!

Yesterday morning: 235 and im in my TOM too! woo! my clothes are dropping off me. I was a size 24 in the stretchy jeans and now, i can wear a 18 or 20. I need new clothes and a haircut, badly.   Im a little concerned though, and i hate to admit this having been smoke free for three years (after 23 years of smoking) but ive picked it back up again. I KNOW its not good. I dont know how it complicates the band, but im sure it does somehow. Also drinking a good chunk of wine a few times a week! i know these arent good.   but i am riding the loaner bike now (mine got stolen the day after xmas) and walking a lot. People are noticing. When i got on the plane to come out to come to Dr St Laruent's seminar, i weighed a hundred lbs more than i do now. im only about fifty lbs since rebanding in may though. I do supplements. multivitamin is chewable centrum, bcomplex drops, chewable calcium, biotin and i take these daily. im LIKING ALL THIS very much.
lizrbit

lizrbit

3
 

i started this journey Feb 13 2007

I was banded originally feb 13. i live in maine and fly to houston each month for fills. On my third fill and at a wieght of 285, they found a leak in the top of my band, and replaced it with a new small ap band. I love my surgeon. i hate my nutritionalist. shes very nice, dont get me wrong, but she told me to do fitday.com for our visits and so she can see what im eating and we were only to meet six months. SHE WAITED until the FIFTH month to finally download and even LOOK at my files. she also has been the most expensive of the whole thing. She initially said that my insurance had a deductable of 250 and that they would cover everything after that for six months. NOW its "o you owe me fifty dollars per session and YOU gotta worry about your own insurance". Im pissed and i havent said anything to her about it. yet. anyway. im a slow loser and much of the problem is my activity levels. during the winters i cant function, which is one reason i got to this place in the first place. i love the support on this board. its refreshing to read about people going through much the same things.   ive been battling a fairly serious depression this past month. I havent had hardly ANY activity at all since returning to maine early october. I leave again in ten days to go down south to galveston and i cant wait. I have an apartment there and im MUCH more active there than i am here. i dont know WHY thats the case, other than the temps. I really cant stand the cold. Im going to be in galveston from november to april. (yay) HOpefully i will experience a great deal of weight loss then. So far, ive only lost twenty five lbs since being rebanded. I have around ninety to go.
lizrbit

lizrbit

1
 

the wasabubblebutt show

I had the balls to voice a disagreement with something she said was wrong on a thread. it started with her following me. I at first tried talking to her, then tried talking to admin about her via email, tried reporting the posts and NOTHING would stop her from following me around making sure i didnt get a chance to talk to anyone. I do NOT understand what is wrong with this twisted bitch but anyone that posts as OFTEN or as MUCH on this board as her has NO time for decent sleep offline, much less work. I cant post anywhere without her showing up. I cant go anywhere on the board where i cant find where shes been making fun of me. I do NOT know what i did to get her ass on fire other than disagree with her, but i have her blocked and its still not working. Im at the point where im about ready to give up on the support board here. It hasnt been very supportive. Im about ready to abandon the wasabubblebutt and her little bitch laurend show. I need this online drama like a hole in my head. :cry
lizrbit

lizrbit

1
 

weight change this month (October-November)

i weighed 259 at drs office last time there when i came in and was too tight. he loosened me up, i went up to 262 (was my tom too), then i went in and he tightend me up again, and i left there at 259 again. I got down to 258 and then its stayed there. Im currently at 259. Im at great restriction right now. I dont think i need a fill. i dont think i need an unfill either. im feeling pretty good. i eat small portions and im feeling a sense of satisfaction afterwards that lasts a while. Im still doing several protein drinks a day because im a bit paranoid about not getting in enough protein and vitamins. i dont mind this i actually like them. Im two days away from going back to galveston again. I really cant wait. the sooner i can get busier again and get away from the rants and raves section of this board the better my life gets. This is where i feel very sorry for wasastillisaasshole: i leave the house. I ride my bike and interact with real live people. I have a very interesting life, where all she has is this. Ive thought about it. and ive decided that maybe shes a mentally challenged housebound person and CANT leave her house. Thats why shes on here 24/7 and why she has to chime in on each and every single post made on the board. in her mind it IS the wasabubblebitch show. Poor thing! At the end of the day, i have the love of a family and man. At the end of her day, she has....posts. :heh:
lizrbit

lizrbit

1
 

getting better but still the same wieght?

Im in GALVESTON!!! and ive been way more active just as i thought i would. I ride my bike starting at sunrise, and just ride around getting things done. I usually dont get back to the apartment until two pm. Im loving this. Im slowly getting furniture and getting the apartment clean and MINE and its great. My clothes are way loose too, but the scale isnt moving. I do NOT understand it, since I dont even BUY sugar or anything sweet or not 'approved band food'. Seriously, not even cheat food which sometimes can be really rough. im NOT eating out. Im not eating large portions. Some meals i still have to skip altogether because of how tight i am. Ive talked to dr st laurent and im to see him again in Dec, likely early dec. I am to leave late dec to go back home for xmas. Im currently looking for work, and not finding the enthusiasm i was hoping for...but its way early. We will see what it all looks like in a week or two. Ive noticed wasa isnt on near as much anymore. Its...refreshing...and im also noticiing many more posts by people being supportive of what i was trying to say. It seems there are three clear camps on the board..those of us who actually use it for support, those who use it as a social network (who dont need or value support), and the new guys. Im curious as to what direction this will take. Im being VERY quiet on the subject. The last time i voiced an opinion i got slammed so bad my ass is still sore. still...its great to see something...different. I wonder how long it will last?
lizrbit

lizrbit

1
 

as per the scale weights

it has varied greatly every day. one day it will be 258.5 (the lowest yet) all the way up to 261. seriously big variations each day, but in that ball park. for xmas, id like to be at least 248. thats ten lbs in thirty days. i bet money it doesnt happen, unless ive been on pure straight liquids i cant lose ten lbs in a month.
lizrbit

lizrbit

1
 

We have MOVEMENT on the SCALE!

Stepped on yesterday morning and bam! 254.5 today it was 255 but ill take that! woo! im finding excuses to hop on the bike and get out there. the weather is FANTASTIC and gorgeous. As i type this i have on a BATHING SUIT TOP, some peddle pushers and sandles and ive got the window open. its beautiful. i woke to it raining and just let today be sunday all day. Im excited about this. I am hesitant to feel too excited about it though because my tom is approaching and i will likely gain a little then. We will see. My middle son flies out to join me tuesday. im VERY excited about that. we are going to have thanksgiving together. :whoo:
lizrbit

lizrbit

1
 

its been a while, heres how ive been.

i currently weigh 159 lbs. i started out at 330 lbs. i dont have a car down here, and i ride my bike everywhere i go. I am currently waiting tables and still paint, but shows these days are far and few between, so i wait tables. Im also back in college. Prealgebra is kicking my tail. but ...im plugging along. im happy. Im very close to my surgeons goal, and to be honest, i was thrilled even twenty lbs ago. Skin is an issue, but not as bad as i thought it would be. I dont know if im going to pursue plastic surgery at this point. probably not (since im waiting tables). I love being this size. I never once thought, before the band, or even when banded, that id actually see this. live this, you know? I have a list of things im grateful for, and the band is one of them. Id love to talk to others whove been banded a while and compare experiences. its been a while since ive spoken to anyone about it. I love that more people are doing it. :thumbup:
lizrbit

lizrbit

1
 

Under 200. My re-entry into onederland.

i'm 199.5 today. Tom too. I have found that when its TOM i swell up and cant do food very well at all for a day or two. Its okay, because two days before i was eating everything in the house. I shop well so its not a huge problem.   Whew...what ive found..i can eat BREAD sometimes without much problem, even a quarter to a half of a sandwich sometimes. it comes and goes and i can tell when its going to be okay. Best advice my surgeon gave me was that if i had a pb or threw up, liquids for the rest of the day. No excuses just baby the band if you throw up and let your stomach get right. Since following that advice i have not had any trouble.   I also am taking biotin periodically along with my vitamin supplements. Ive cut WAY back on the milk. i love cheese, i love yogurt, but i found eliminating as much milk as i had been taking in has helped many things as well as plateaus. I eat enough yogurt to replace the calcium benefit and i take extra calcium and Vit d too.   I love my life these days. the problems i have are not problems id have at 330. the whole kit and caboodle isnt what my life was like at 330. I turned forty this week and ive been a little reflective on several issues. I wish my dad could have had this procedure done. i think it would have changed his life.   So im at Onederland. 199.5, i currently wear a size 14 perfectly, and havent lost TOO much in the boobs. :w00t: well..i expected it to be much worse. I belong to a gym, and i do okay there. some weeks im right on, some weeks not so much. life is pretty good.
lizrbit

lizrbit

1
 

Feb 13, 2010 update

Much has happened. I think i lost too much wieght, and had an adjustment before i left the island with my surgeon and had some fill taken out. Ive left the state, and in transition. Im preparing to move to even yet another state and resume studies in a program i left 7 years ago and finish this time. On the island, i got down to 140 lbs (down from orig 330). much of it was poverty and stress, and the inability to see where i was supposed to stop. Ive since put back on fifteen lbs and feel significantly better, and back to eating more healthier as well. Losing great amounts of wieght significantly impacts the lives of the people around you...the people in your life. I never recieved any councelling that addressed this. Ive seen a couple of therapists, and they address depression, but ive not been able to find anyone that will address the issues surrounding the weightloss, and it does matter. Outside of my children, this was the best thing to happen to me in my adult life..a second chance at living better. But, i had issues outside of my wieght that were keeping me not only at a higher wieght, but at a specific way of living, and people involved fought back very hard against the change. Instead of support, i found...not so much support. Im still struggling with that, but making progress and choices moving in good directions, but the changes necessary are very, very difficult and ive had to make choices that i never forsaw or even imagined. EVEN knowing this..even if i knew before the band, what would happen, i would STILL have done it, and im grateful every single day that i get to walk in these shoes instead of the ones i had spent so many years wearing.
lizrbit

lizrbit

1
 

jan 20 2008, galveston from another perspective

Yesterday morning: 228 im so broke. im feeling thin and pretty. got my hair done, eyebrows and something else waxed, last night was the artwalk and my opening reception for the show here, and im exhausted. Ive been out there schmoozing and socializing and im ready to go back into seclusion now before i get into any more trouble. You know, no one ever really talks about, or maybe they just feel like they cant because there is always someone to chastize, but the way things in life change when you start to get to a 'normal' size. LIfe is completely different. some ways better, some ways worse. its hard to say. whats the expression, "the upside of down and the downside of up"? i think im starting to understand that better. when i lost with phenphen back in 1999 i thought the changes were due to the drug and it making me insane. Its more than that though, its the way you see things through thinner eyes. some of its very scary. we replace behaviors with other ones but they really arent any better for you, the results can be horrible. I worry for myself. I think i will be okay if i can reel it in now. Ive let things start to get out of hand.
lizrbit

lizrbit

1
 

update: 4/17/2010

all the moves are done. Im now living alone in Tennessee and its gorgeous here. Im currently looking for work. Ive got the steps for reenrolling at my alma mater lined up and ready. things are good. okay, lets see. started at 330. got down to 140. (too thin for me). and got an unfil in ..august? maybe september? of 2009, and gained twenty lbs back which...was a good thing. of course i prefer it to have been ten to fifteen instead and i can live with that constant range. Im currently at 160, and im VERY comfortable here. I eat well. i cook everything myself and I dont eat out much (very tight budget). Im happy. Happier than ive been in a while. i turn 42 in a week.:tongue_smilie:
lizrbit

lizrbit

1
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