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today

breakfast - hard boiled eggie lunch - hummas, cucumber, honey mesquite turkey breast
silry

silry

1
 

today

breakfast - 1 hard boiled egg lunch - cucumber and dill hummas with cucumber slices, honey roasted turkey meat snack - vanilla low fat ice cream with caramel sauce dinner - beef fried rice I AM NAUGHTY MCNAUGHTYNAUGHTY! i have no trouble eating ANYTHING. that knowledge is very dangerous. i emailed TODAY and requested a fill appointment. i WILL NOT gain this weight back!!!
silry

silry

1
 

day 4

*grumbles*   i am NOT doing a very good job! :mad: BUT i think i figured out how to deal with the crushing STARVATION during the day... instead of having my one meal for dinner, i have it for lunch. then i have my second shake of the day for dinner. i did it today and it worked well. my hubby comes home kind of late, so we end up eating at 7-730pm which is far too late as it is. i'm actually up 2lbs!!! :embarassed: eating that late cannot be helping. :mad: :mad: :mad:   so.   breakfast: 8oz vanilla soy milk, 1 scoop vanilla protein powder, 6oz of coffee blended together   lunch: veggie burger with one slice of 2% cheese, light mayo, ketsup and mustard, pickles and lettuce on a whole wheat bun, beef jerky (yes, again)   dinner: 8oz chocolate soy milk, 1 scoop vanilla protein powder
silry

silry

2
 

day 3

breakfast: chocolate soy milk, vanilla protein powder   lunch: chocolate soy milk, berry protein powder   snack: beef jerky (14g protein) i don't know how to do this without a snack. i am just too hungry!! i'm hoping as i adjust to the liquids, it gets easier. and i hope that happens SOON.   348pm: i knew if i sat on my butt for one second longer, i would eat myself out of house and home. so i got up and cleaned the house. hubby is going to be SO happy when he gets home! he's the cleaner, not i. LOL. i still need to sweep/mop, but that is too hard to do with mr. underfoot underfoot. :rolleyes (quincy - my dog. he is always 1 step behind me... if i change my speed even a little bit, he crashes right into me.) anyhow, so i was reading another person's lapband journal and they said they did 1 protein shake for breakfast, 1 lean cuisine for lunch and 1 for dinner. we went to the same doctor... i'm wondering if they gave her a different diet then i? or maybe she read the instructions wrong. i WISH i didn't have to do 2 shakes. that's HARD. i've already had 3pts of water and counting. this hunger headache is driving me batty too. blah blah blah. whine whine whine. :tired   okay, done babbling. i'm going to go polish my wood furniture. LOL. dinner: 3 pieces of french bread with butter (:embarassed: ), 2/3 cup of beef pot roast stew (3grams fat 150 calories). 2 traderades (i need to hide them from myself... can't... stop... drinking...traderades...) here's to hoping tomorrow is better... i have a meeting at my bosses restaurant and there is alway some delicious dessert the pastry chef gives us. :embarassed: :embarassed: :embarassed: :embarassed: :embarassed: :embarassed:
silry

silry

1
 

preop diet day 2

breakfast: chocolate mint protein powder mixed with chocolate soy milk lunch: unflavored protein powder mixed with vanilla soy milk and sugar free hot chocolate mix was STARVING by 5pm so i caved and ate crackers. :cry dinner: 2oz of chicken breast, 1/2 cup of corn and 3/4 cup of mashed potatoes. drink: 2 traderades. felt a little dehydrated... typically do not drink like that.   this is going to be ROUGH. i have a massive headache. :faint: (side note: start weight 209. damnit)
silry

silry

1
 

hostage

2nd entry in an hour. i am just SO FRUSTATED. i feel like i am being held hostage by my weight. i need to find a new job, but know that i will go on a million interviews, be totally qualified, be charming and have an amazing interview and not be offered anything. my job now is (or was) one of my favorite i have ever had. BUT my boss is just piling stuff on me. when i told him i needed more money, he said absolutely sure, then said 'never mind, i won't add more responsibility'. THEN 2 months later changes his mind about the responsibility but won't give me more money. i am TIRED of being taken advantage of because i can't find a new job. :angry
silry

silry

2
 

brain damage

i've been trying to plan out the next few months as they will be BUSY and i keep encountering the same roadblock.   witness:   march 29th - hubby and i finally take out long awaited honeymoon. that should be (hopefully) a month after i'm banded. my thoughts " oh man. now i can't eat at their fancy restaurant! i hope that doesn't ruin the honeymoon!" (yes, that was an actual thought!!!)   april 26th - our first wedding anniversary. planned on going to a gorgeous restaurant high above the vegas strip. first thought "well, there goes our first anniversary celebration".   june 26th - sil's wedding. my thought "i can't have wedding cake?!?"   see? everything revolves around FOOD. every holiday, celebration, achievement... equals a meal to me.   that is something i have to break.   i do feel a bit of sadness at the idea of having to change the way i think and how i act after 28 years, but at the same time... i am ready to be free of this demon that is always tormenting me!   my honeymoon should not be about the fancy restaurant that will be there. it should be about celebrating our love and humpies.   our wedding anniversary should be a celebration of our first year of wedded bliss.   sil's wedding should be about HELLO my sister-in-law's wedding!!!   i know this isn't going to be an easy journey, but as they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.   i just wish i didn't have to wait until the end of february to begin!!! :faint:
silry

silry

1
 

oooooooooh

i have a very dear friend of mine who lost almost 100lbs the old fashion way - straight up diet and exercise. i was so excited to tell her about lap band but as i was looking at her skinny gorgeous face, i started to feel... guilty. almost like i am taking a short cut or the easy way out. even though i know i'm not and that it isn't a short cut, that i will have to work very hard, i still felt reluctant to say anything. i AM going to though. just privately... she told me the date for their wedding and my first thought was "good - that gives me plenty of time to lose weight!" anyhow, that's what is on my mind right now. off to bed!
silry

silry

2
 

cannot wait

if i had the cash RIGHT NOW, i would have made my appointment and gone. i started off curious, then i went into information overload and panicked. now i feel strong, confident and ANXIOUS as all get out!!!   at night i lay in bed and fantasize about being skinny again. see, i've always been heavy. i remember when i was in the 5th grade they weighed us in front of all our peers. i weighed 125 and was MORTIFIED. i, at 12, out weighed my mom when she was 9 months pregnant with me! (she weighed 115lbs.)   in high school, i went to an arts school where i didn't have to deal with a lot of the crap 'normal' high schoolers went through with popular cliques and cheerleaders, etc. so it didn't really bother me that i was so heavy... i was judged based on my talent, not my looks.   but after high school is when i really started getting bummed about my weight. my best friends were all knock-outs. i was the fat friend. i let myself simmer in my misery until 2000. i was going to go to europe for a month and did not want to be fat in my pictures! i busted my rump dieting and exercising and lost 30lbs... i was 170 and felt like i looked AMAZING. but when my friend's grandmother said that maybe i wouldn't weigh so much if i didn't eat so much cake (i had ONE piece after dinner!!!) i was crushed.   when i got home, i kicked off a diet exercise program like a mad woman. but i was doing it in a very unhealthy way - for breakfast i would have a cup of coffee blended with ice, for lunch i would have the same thing. for dinner i would have a bowl of cereal or a tiny piece of chicken. after a few days i would be SO HUNGRY that i would binge eat, then punish myself for a few days afterwards by eating nothing but dry cereal. i was at the gym around 2 hours 5x a week. i was exhausted all the time and my hair was falling out. but i was losing weight!   i got down to 130lbs and a size 6. even though looking back i realize i was smokin' hot, all i could focus on was getting down to 100lbs - what my mom weighs. i was miserable all the time, but then i fell in love.   we went out to eat all the time and i gained 25lbs in 6 months. when i got too heavy for his motorcycle we broke up.   my rebound guy ended up being the love of my life and my husband! for the first time in my life i was blissfully happy... and the weight piled on. at first i didn't care. my hair was thick and beautiful, my nails were long, i wasn't exhausted all the time and i could EAT.   but... then i started not being happy with my clothes not fitting and the way people would look at me... sex started being less and less in frequency. then i hit plus size again and i realized i had to do something.   but i couldn't lose like i did before. i couldn't abuse my body and i also had a husband to cook for.   i overhauled my entire diet... i stopped eating red meat and dairy. i only ate whole grains. blah blah blah. i even joined weight watchers. but... i lost 15lbs and nothing more. in 5 months!!!   that's when i decided to research weight loss surgery and discovered lap band.   for the first time in a long time i have hope. i want to have babies and be hot again! i want to make my husband proud to have me on his arm.   hubby is totally supportive of me getting the surgery. he knows that once i lose the weight, i can get a job bartending (i bartended when i was skinny and made FABULOUS money)(vegas, baby!) in a big name strip casino (i have connections... yey for juice!) and we won't have to worry about money again. of course we have to figure out how to pay for it right now... we are looking into a home equity line of credit but i don't want to wait that long!!! he has freakishly good credit so i'm trying to talk him into getting a surgery loan for me... then we can use the home equity line of credit to pay it off.   i want my life back! i'm so excited... and READY!   so. that's my first entry into my lap band journal. :clap2:
silry

silry

1
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