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Journey to finding myself again.

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Trying To Make The Up My Mind What To Do.

I sit here trying to decide what journey I need to take. I have been overweight for more than half my life. I can't remember what it was like to walk into a store and be able to really buy something that I truly like. I usually just say it will cover me and go.   Right now I feel like my life is falling apart. My youngest Quinn just had surgery to remove a tumor from his chest. Two weeks ago, he doesn't have cancer and the surgery saved his life. I felt myself running to food the whole time that he was in the hospital. Not because I was hungry but for comfort. The food had no taste and I just found myself stuffing it in. As of yesterday I have found out that my favorite Aunt is going to die. I find myself again going to food to fill in that need of comfort. I have tired to loose weight in the past but get to the 210 mark and is just stays there. Since my son was born I have gained 28 lbs. BTW he was adopted so I can't blame it on pregnancy.   I did start this journey once before only to find out that I was not fat enough for my insurance to pay for it. I was so ready to jump on the table in 2009 and say cut me open. Now I find myself worried that I'm going to die on the table. At the same time I think you are going to die if you don't do this. I want to be around to see all my children graduate from college, marry and enjoy grandchildren. I'm scared to death that it will not work for me. I have a sister in law that had it done in 2009 and she has not lost anything. Will I have the will power to not eat more than three meals a day. Can I do this??????   I look at myself in the mirror at least once in awhile. lol avoid mirrors and pictures. And think how can my husband love this body, because I don't. I long to be 150 lb or less. I want to walk into a store with my friends and be able to buy the clothes that I love to look at. Will this happen for me. I want to wear a beautiful nightgown for my husband and knock his socks off. He says I already do, but I want to feel like I am.   THE BIGGEST PROBLEM..... Is my family everytime I bring up that I want to do this for myself I'm told don't do it. You can just diet. My best friend is the same way. My husband says he will support whatever I want to do. How do you deal with no support except your husband?   I have to go now have a five hour drive ahead of me to say goodbye to my Aunt. Not ready for this.
disneynut1969

disneynut1969

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