Hey all,
My name is Jennifer, I'm 28 years old, and I am ready to change my life.
I'm just starting the Lap Band process. JUST starting. As in, I've made up my mind and am attending the informational seminar tomorrow. I've been overweight my whole life ("She takes after her fathers side" is what they would always say - they're all over 300 lbs). After successfully losing 55 lbs at the beginning of last year, then gaining it all back after changing jobs and buying a house (hello Stress Eater!) towards the end of the year, I've made up my mind that Lap Band is what I need.
I'm happily married, have been for over 8 years, with a very supportive, loving husband. He's never mentioned my weight more than telling me how beautiful or nice I look. It wasn't until a converstation with my doctor two years ago when I was complaining about PMS bloating, and that my weight would fluctuate between 230-240 lbs that he suggested I try to lose 40 lbs, because wouldn't it be better to go between 190-200? I was honestly shocked. I need to lose weight?!
I never really saw myself as overweight. I don't eat badly. I don't eat all day long. I just RARELY feel full.
So speed up to current day, having tried many different diets over the past two years and epically failing, I'm ready for the Lap Band. I've done my research. I'm mentally ready. I've figured out my insurance coverage - even though the Nurse Coordinator assured me that she will do all of that. I'm lucky enough that my insurer covers it as your every day outpatient surgery, covers all pre and post-op care, you name it, they cover it once I hit my deductible which thanks to a few trips to the doctor, some PT for my husband, and lab tests, I'm almost there. My BMI is only 38 (below my insurance requirements unless a co-moribitiy) but luckily (yay for me!) I've had uncontrolled high blood pressure since I was 15 years old, and take medication daily for acid reflux. I've also had a borderline sleep study. I'm no stranger to surgery, as a matter of fact my ONLY spare parts are my tonsils (okay, I could spare one kidney and part of my liver but I'd realllly like to keep those if I could).
My goal is to get the band placed within the next few months. My goal weight is 155 lbs. That's only 80 lbs and I KNOW I can do it.
I think my stomach is trying to enter "Bandster Hell". My brain isn't going to accept that. My stomach is GROWLING. It's screaming "FEED ME" but my brain is set on following the diet plan. My stomach is just going to have to tough it out. I'm getting really good at this mind control thing. The stomach no longer calls the shots. I know what's best for my body and what it needs, so I'll just keep to my plan.
I feel very lucky to be losing like this post op. I hit 30 lbs lost yesterday, my 30 day "anniversary" of the surgical consult. I had surgery on May 18th, so three weeks out from surgery and I'm over a third of the way to my goal. Each day I've been losing between 6 oz and a pound. It hasn't been easy, my brain and stomach are constantly at battle, and I still don't love running on the elliptical a few miles a day or drinking SO much water, but it's working so I'm going to stick to it.
My goal is to be at 210 by the time I go in for my fill on the 19th. Eleven days, 3 lbs. I would love to be at 205 but I'm trying to keep my goals realistic in case the weight loss slows down.
I do really love being happily surprised by my scale every morning. I always think "okay, I probably gained three pounds yesterday and I'm okay with that" then the number pops up and it's lower than the day before.
So for now, life is pretty good for this girl.
I don't know that I've ever felt so prepared for anything in my life. Mentally, emotionally, even physically. My surgery is in 4 short days. I started the Pre-Op diet 6 days ago and have lost over 11 lbs so far. Seeing the way my body is responding is making me feel very positive! I know I will hit plateaus, but for now, I'm going to keep plugging along.
The past week I've started easing up on myself. I'm VERY Type A. My house is ALWAYS spotless, as is my car, husbands truck, my work desk, you get the idea. I decided that I needed to just stop. I needed to let myself sit still and relax and NOT eat while I tried. Before, if I was forced to sit still and say, watch a TV show with my husband, I would grab something to snack on so I could keep my hands busy. I've forced myself to change. I picked up my Kindle, downloaded some amazing books, and have spent hours upon hours reading. It's made the Pre-Op Diet go by so much better! I set aside a few hours Sunday morning to whip through the house and do a deep clean (thankfully, my husband is so good at keeping the house going during the week) and wash my car, but that was about it. Otherwise, I was playing with the dogs or just simply relaxing, something I haven't honestly done in a very long time.
Let me tell you, it was AMAZING. Mentally, I feel so much better! I know it sounds super corny, but I finally have this sense of inner calmness. I know that the house won't fall apart if I don't vacuum every day. I know that the world won't stop if I take time for myself. After trying it, and seeing it succeed, I feel SO much more prepared for surgery.
I think I'm coming down with Strep Throat for the second time in three months. Last time I was SO sick, but the tests showed Strep Throat and the Influenza. I was out of commission for six days, flat on the couch, couldn't swallow or talk (blessing for my husband, misery for me). I can't afford another missed week of work so I'm hoping this passes. I'm going to fill up on Nyquil, tea with honey, and a steam bath when I get home and see if I can't kick it's butt before it kicks mine. The only positive last time was I lost 8 lbs in five days.
Besides starting to feel like death is becoming me, I'm rocking it with this band. I don't feel any restriction yet so I'm relying solely on my diet choices but I met and passed my goal I set for my July 16th fill. That felt good. I'm so close to being under 200 lbs. My BMI is almost to the "overweight" category instead of "obese". I think I'm most excited for that!
I still find weekends to be a huge challenge. Our weekends are usually filled with family and friends, and I'm usually the one to cook a big meal for everyone and used to indulge in my cooking. I made a little "taco bar" on Saturday night and cut a tortilla in half to make me a taco with only the healthy ingredients. My husband gave me the funniest look - I even asked him why - and he didn't answer (we had friends around). The next day he said he was just surprised to see me take such a normal portion when I've been measuring and eating so small the past few months. I don't think he paid attention to the fact that I had half a tortilla, and threw away the last few bites. He said he wasn't judging, and it wasn't a bad thing, he was just surprised. I took it as a compliment that he was used to be chosing healthy options.
We'll see how I feel tomorrow...I'm thinking I may have to take the night off from exercise. With my throat swollen, breathing may be uncomfortable. This will be the first night I haven't worked out in about six weeks.
So far I've been keeping up with my vow to exercise daily, with the exception of four days last week that I had tonsillitis and a high fever. I gave myself a pass for those days Every day since being cleared for exercise post-op, I've done something active. I find now that my body craves it. I don't feel right if I don't get in a couple mile jog or some quality time with the treadmill. I actually like that feeling!
I'm set for my second fill today - in an hour actually - and I don't really know how to describe where I'm at with my eating. I'm sticking to the portions, and the meal plan of protein, veggies, and fruit (sliding a little dairy in there every now and then) but my hunger is so weird now. Some days I struggle to eat three meals a day. Other days, I'm SO hungry a couple hours after lunch that the whole clinic can hear my stomach growling! It's hard for me to guage if I need a fill because I am not thinking about food and hunger like I used to - I just simply ignore hunger feelings between meals.
I find it a huge struggle to eat away from home. We went to the Strikeforce (MMA) fights Saturday and there was literally nothing healthy available to eat. I had a couple handfuls of my husbands popcorn but was starving by the time I got home (the event went from 3:30 until 9:30 PM). With it being a controlled venue, I couldn't have brought any food in with me.
I'm working through another plateau now. After being sick all last week and barely getting in liquids, I didn't lose an ounce. I've been stuck for about a week. I've heard that eating more calories one day may help bust the plateau but I'm honestly scared of gaining weight now!
I better wrap this up and get my hiney to the doctors office. Hope everyone is having a fantastic Monday.
Pretty random, huh?!
Since yesterday I've had episodes where it feels like my heart is beating in my throat. I've had SVT in the past (super fast heart rhythm) so it was a little concerning, after two heart ablations I can't have another, I'll need a pacemaker, so I was a little worried (pacemaker at 28 - NO THANKS!!). I met with my PCP today and she thought that it could be a few things, either the vagal nerve getting irritated by my band, not eating enough calories, or dehydration. I could buy into the vagal nerve thing because it does affect me after fills. I'm only taking in around 600-800 calories a day and burning about half with cardio daily, but I'm drinking around 80-100 ounces of water a day. My heart was in normal rhythm, blood pressure was great. Her suggestion was to up my calories or try to correlate the feeling to something specific. Hmmm...not sure what to do.
Plans! I'm a total planner, but I never have anything to do. Make sense? When something comes up to do, I plan it all out, but really my life is boring and all I do is sleep, work, jog, repeat. For some reason, maybe because I'm finally living my life, I have SO much to do. Every weekend for the next month and a half I have "stuff". New concept for me, I love my free time, and I kinda feel like being committed to something and having things to do puts me back into my OCD-ish mode of becoming a control FREAK. (In case you're new to my journey...after the psych eval for WLS, it came about in a round-about way that I have PTSD from a childhood trauma, and my way of dealing was to ALWAYS be busy, never sit still, and if I HAD to sit still I would keep my hands busy by eating...and got to 243 lbs). After seeing a couselor for a few sessions, I took on a whole new lease on life. I go with the flow, relax, read more, only clean my house every few days instead of for an hour every day (no kids to mess it up either, just a little over the top about cleanliness). Having things locked down that I have to do kind of sets me into this frenzy, I realized today. Hmmm...something else to think about a solution for.
And lastly and most importantly, I just have to say it feels SO great being successful with my lap band journey. I've never dealt well with failure, and tend to dive into things head first and never come up for air, so seeing the scale slide further and further down feels AMAZING. For the first time in my life, I think I feel proud of myself!
My husband asked me last night if I was sure I wanted to have my goal so low (it's at 160, and I'm 5'8", he's worried I may look too thin). I assured him that I don't want to get too thin (what a concept to think about though!!) and I would see how I felt once I got there. I may want to go lower, may want to gain a few pounds (another mind-blowing concept!). My coworker asked today how much more I would like to lose and when I said 35-40 lbs, she said she thought that may be too skinny. Again, people with this skinny business!! Although I value their opinion and concern, this is something I'm doing for me, and assured them that when I get to a weight that I feel healthy I will try to maintain.
Have any banders at goal gotten any reponses about being too thin? How do you deal with that?
I had my two week post-op appointment with the surgeon this morning and he was delighted. He said I'm doing well beyond his expectations for two weeks post-op, that it's not uncommon at all to have people come in 2 weeks out and weigh the same as pre-op. After surgery, your body goes into a whirlwind and you retain water, pack on the lbs without doing anything. He also cleared me to start pureed food. Hummus, here I come!!
I told him about the pain I get after I drink and am sitting. It's under my left shoulder blade and is like a constant cramp. He said that this far out it's probably not air, it's most likely that the band has irritated the diaphragm, which has nerves that connect to the left shoulder and base of your neck. We'll watch it for a few weeks, see if it gets better, if not we'll make a plan. What that plan entails, I have no idea. The pain isn't intolerable, just annoying.
In other news, I finally got my next tattoo design locked down and am getting it inked into place on Friday. Every life changing event I like to commemerate with a tattoo, and this one is perfect for my next journey.
I have never really loved shopping. When I was 243 lbs, it was just discouraging. None of the cute shirts came in an XXL.
I thought I would put on my brave face at hit the mall yesterday. I had nothing but time to kill, so I wandered through Old Navy. I haven't really shopped since I started my weight loss journey. I grabbed a few shirts that were XL (pretty confident they may fit, since I've lost a whole cup size!). Headed to the fitting room, cringing the whole way, and slipped the shirt on.
It was TOO BIG!
Tried on the next one (different style - love their "vintage" line) and it was WAY too big! I was actually smiling when I left the dressing room to grab a Large.
I was so excited when I came home, I told my husband that I no longer required the "X". He was naturally a little puzzled since he has no concept of sizes whatsoever (I don't think the man has bought any of his own clothing since we started dating!) but he was excited for my excitement. For the first time, I felt like a "normal" girl who could walk into a store and buy a shirt without panic or regret surging through me.
This journey has been amazing so far. I can't wait to go get my next fill and show my surgeon my progress. I set a goal of losing 10 lbs between fills. I'm 18 days from my next fill and already hit my goal! I hope he will give me the fill (last time he did half because I was losing fine on my own) but a little restriction would be nice. I'm at 4.5 cc right now in a 11 cc band and not feeling much restriction, it's all been will power. I do stay fuller, longer, but I don't get my "full" signal if that makes sense.
Well I wish everyone out there in Band Land all the success in the world.
I think people on this forum may be the only ones excited to be "overweight". By that, I mean, my BMI has put me in the "obese" category for so long - I'm just over 1 point from being "overweight". I'm so happy right now, I set a goal to be at 205.0 by my next fill on July 16th and today I was 205.2. So close! Plus, I still have 12 days until my fill.
I hit a plateau last week for about 6 days, and I started feeling those old feelings of "I'm never going to hit my goal, I'm just going to gain it all back, why can't I do this" but my husband just kept reassuring me that people hit plateaus and just be patient. About 4 days ago I started losing again. I've been in a good rhythm and have been losing 1/2 lb - 1 lb a day. How? I'm logging every single morsel I put in my mouth. I'm focused on protein first, then veggies and fruit. I'm drinking 80-120 ml of water a day. I'm taking all of my vitamins in the morning and making sure I get enough sleep. Most importantly, I'm exercising every day. I wear my FitBit and strive to hit my 10,000 steps and 15 flights of stairs a day. I either jog 2-4 miles outside, hit the treadmill and elliptical at home, or do the UFC Trainer with Kinect. My dream is to start some sort of kickboxing/MMA class when I get to my goal weight.
I knew that lap band surgery would be a journey, a long one, and I wouldn't expect results too fast, but I've been pleasently suprised by the way my body is responding. I'm 6 weeks out and have lost 38 lbs. It feels SO good to be headed in the right direction. I'm going on vacation to Vegas in September and would love to be down to 180 lbs by then. Just have to keep up the hard work.
I'm officially done with all of the pre-work. All I have left is to meet with the surgeon and have the pre-op class, then surgery! I'm so excited. I've been following the Pre-Bariatric Surgery eating plan for about a week and a half now (3 meals a day and 2 protein drinks, eating out of only 4 food groups) and I'm down almost 7 lbs.
Today I finished up with the psychologist and reviewed the scores from the MMPI test. Although she cleared me for surgery, she suggested that I meet with a psychologist locally to follow up for another session or two. My scores were great in most areas except two, self-image and emotional coping. The self-image I totally get, and need to improve because I'm afraid that even at my goal I'll still see the fat girl in the mirror. The emotional coping - I thought she was crazy until she explained what it meant - and there is no way I could have argued. I went through some childhoold trauma and my parents had an explosive, horrid divorce about 7 years ago that I was in the middle of. I guess you don't make it out of that without some emotional baggage and surprisingly enough, ignoring it was not the correct thing to do. So I have some work to do, but not work that will hinder me having surgery.
Besides, I want to be healthy and part of that is mentally, not just my body.
The psychologist asked for a few days to get her report to the surgery coordinator, then I should be hearing from the nurse to set up the appointment with the surgeon. The good news is, I've almost completely satisified my deductible so my surgery should cost me next to nothing. I've managed to get about 10 weeks worth of pre work done in 4, so as long as I keep moving at that pace I should be able to be banded by the end of April or early May.
During my psychological evaluation the psychologist and I were talking about exercise. She was very helpful and said the best way to start is just do something. Something. Don't set out thinking you're going to do an hour on the elliptical the first day. You'll get too tired and be too sore the next day and get discouraged. Do 3 minutes. The next day, do 5 minutes. Or do 3 again. Just get your body and mind used to doing something, everyday. Mark it off on a calendar and train your brain to dislike seeing an unchecked box.
I always thought of myself as busy. We have a 3 story house and I'm up and down all day after work (where I'm up and down all day!). I've exercised tons before (the Insanity workout, jogging, etc) but I do so much for a few weeks then I'm done. My body is tired and I'm done.
So I thought....you know, I can do something every day. And now I've started
I saw my surgeon, Dr. Jan, on Monday and after about an hour appointment, I'm scheduled for surgery next Friday, May 18th. I was utterly shocked at how fast he was able to schedule me. Even though he said I didn't have to do a pre-op diet if I didn't want to, I decided to start yesterday with two protein shakes during the day, unlimited zero-calorie clear liquids, and a healthy dinner (salads mostly). Just being in a strict routine feels good. I'm not sure why exactly, but I've always done so much better in a controlled environment; when he said it was up to me, I felt that if I didn't chose to do a pre-op diet, I would have a MUCH harder time with the two weeks of clear liquids post-op. So far it's been successful, I've lost over 6 pounds.
My focus now has shifted to long term success and keeping up on my end of the deal. Dr. Jan isn't so much of a fan of the band because there is quite the failure rate. He prefers the gastric sleeve most of all. I wasn't ready for such an invasive surgery, and I insisted that I hold myself to a very high level of responsibility, and I will not fail at this. I don't want to say that Lap Band is my last hope, but I really have tried SO many other things that I don't know what else I could do if this doesn't work. I'm not going to think of that though - I'm staying positive and just thinking of what a very successful band patient said:
ONLY GIVE YOUR BODY WHAT IT NEEDS.
I'm not going to eat things because I "feel" like it anymore. I'm not going to snack because I'm bored. I'm sorting out my head hunger from my stomach hunger. I'm looking at everything I put in my mouth and the impact it will have on the scale.
To those first 40 pounds that I've lost - good riddance! I have about 45 more to join you, so make room!!
I was ecstatic to step on the scale and see that I have finally hit 40 lbs lost! I'm almost out of the 200's and I feel fantastic. Well, besides every muscle in my body hurting, I feel fantastic!
I don't really see the changes in myself, but sometimes I notice little things, like getting ready in the morning (wrapped in my towel), my collar bone has made its appearance again. My legs are definietly taking shape. My pair of work pants that I literally did a happy dance two weeks ago that they finally fit (bought them without trying them on, they're the low rise slim fit - not my normal style!) now hang off my hips and I'm tugging at them all day long.
I still don't like hearing compliments. The only one I've graciously accepted is from my PCP, when she said that I was doing remarkable. I had lost 34 lbs since I have last seen her in early April. I work in the same office as her and she said that everyone around the clinic has noticed how amazing I look. I would just rather not hear compliments because I know I have so much work to do, I don't want to get excited yet.
So on this note, I'm going to really behave myself today at my sisters BBQ....I even made five side dishes last night and never took a taste! (That included chocolate peanutbutter cookies!)
After almost 9 weeks of a plateau, I'm finally losing again.
I got to a place where I just didn't feel good. I went back in to see my nutritionist last week (turns out I wasn't eating enough) and we set a new game plan but I just felt ill eating that much during the day. I was literally eating every 3 hours, when my body was used to going 6+ hours between meals. My stomach always felt full, my bathroom habits were way off, and I just felt sluggish.
Sunday, I watched the documentary called "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead" and it was AMAZING. If you haven't seen it, please watch it. It's about a man who really was fat (over 300 lbs), sick (had an autoimmune disease that he took meds daily for) and nearly dead because of those two reasons. He decided to go on a 60 day juice fast (which 60 days is LONG - he was medically supervised and it was durastic, but he felt he needed it). The changes his body went through over those two months was jaw-dropping. He not only lost almost 100 lbs, he lowered his bp, cholesterol, and reset his body enough that he was able to go off his meds completely.
Me, being the skeptic that I was, hit the internet and read all about the pros and cons, do's and don'ts, then thought that where I was at - - feeling ill, weight stuck, nutrition lagging - - I may as well give it a try.
I started Monday of this week. I drank juice all day then ate a very light dinner. Also decided it was time to quit coffee again.
Sidenote: by juice, I don't mean the store bought that is mostly sugar and juice extract. I bought the fresh produce and a juicer and made the juice by hand using only pure, orgainc vegetables and fruits. I'm also adding in a protein shake to ensure I reach my daily need.
Tuesday I woke up with a migraine (thanks to the no coffee), and have to eat with my medication, so had a Greek Yogurt for breakfast and then drank juice the rest of the day. Yesterday, Wednesday, was all juice.
In three days, I dropped 7 lbs. Mostly water weight (that I could feel, and really needed to be shed) I'm sure, but the way I FEEL is amazing. I'm sleeping soundly. I have energy all day long. My cravings I was having for coffee, sweets, and salt have completely gone away. I feel like I'm really giving my body what it needs. When my stomach growls now, I know that it's real hunger instead of me just feeling like I want to eat.
I know this sounds durastic but I felt it was what I needed. My plan is to continue the juice plan for a few more days, as long as the scale keeps moving down, then slowly reintroduce foods to my system, working up to the original plan of protein, fruits, and veggies.
I feel like I'm giving my system the reboot I desperately needed. It's similar to doing the pre-op liquid diet, the accompanying feelings are there the first day or so (hunger, anger, headache, etc). Now that I'm on day 4, I can't believe how great I feel.
This program may not be for everyone, and it is, in a way, sidestepping my understanding of well-rounded nutrition, but it was the healthiest way I found to cleanse my system and get a "do-over".
Has anyone else tried a juice fast?
