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my journey

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Terrified Of Failure

Thank you to those of you who responded to my last blog. Some very encouraging thoughts. However; I am so scared of failure after I am banded. Everyday (pre-band) I wake up wanting fat and sugar. Does this go away after the band, or will I always be fighting this? To be thin is something I've wanted my whole life and I feel I am inches away from my dream. But am I strong enough? In all other parts of my life I am a rock, but when it comes to food I cave everytime.
carlamcgrath

carlamcgrath

10
 

No Easy Way Out

Many people think that lap-band or gastric bypass are an easy way out of a life of over eating. I was one of those people. I have struggled with my weight since I can remember being told I was fat (around 6 or 7). I have been on hundreds of diets, lost hundreds of pounds and gained every single one back again. I personally know a few people that have had the lap-band procedure done. They lost a large amount of weight in the beginning but they didn't change the food they were eating and ultimately gained the weight back. My surgeon told me that the lap-band is merely a tool to be used in conjunction with diet and exercise. Not a miracle. Science has yet to create a miracle weight loss pill or device although; if you watch the infomercials they have. When someone is at an unhealthy weight (one that could kill you) sometimes a helping hand is exactly what the doctor ordered. Many things factor into why a person would become obese. It's not like we wake up one day and say " I think I'm going to be so fat that I can barely move, or breathe". Our skinny counterparts are very fond of saying "you just need more will power". Well, I am here to tell you will power has very little to do with it. In my case, and many people I know food is an addiction. Mine started when I was very young. Food made it all better when I was being abused. Food never hurt me or talked bad to me. It always made me feel happy. Unfortunately; food also got me to where I am at know. My doctor said I use food as a stress reliever. No DUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!
carlamcgrath

carlamcgrath

7
 

Mourning Food

Wow, it has been 4 days since my surgery and I'm doing okay. One thing I was not prepared for is that I feel like I am in mourning over food. The night after my surgery, the woman next to me got enchiladas. I wasn't hungry but the smell stimulated my saliva glands. It sucked. The first few days I felt like I was starving to death, don't feel like that now. I still have alot of pain as I had a hietal hernia repair. The doc said my hernia was the size of a large orange. That would explain all the pain. I can't believe I have finally gotten past this milestone. Now if only time would speed up and magically I would be thin...lol
carlamcgrath

carlamcgrath

2
 

Waiting On The Big Day

Okay, I have discovered this wonderful site through a google search. I am going to have surgery on March 13,2012. I am also having my hietal hernia fixed. I'll be honest I am terrified that they will get in there then they will tell me I can't have the lap-band because of some health reason. I am also terrified that I will have the lap-band but I won't be successful with it. I have been on over a hundred diets and not one of them has had any long term success. I lose weight initially but always gain it back with more. Anyone who can help me with this journey would be greatly appreciated.
carlamcgrath

carlamcgrath

2
 

11 Days And Counting Down

I was so thrilled to hear from the different people on this website. There is definitely alot of love and support here. My own personal opinion is that overweight people tend to have bigger hearts than our skinny counterparts. We have too; I mean when someone you don't know very well looks at you, do you really think they see the real you? I don't see myself as a fat woman; however the mirror is my evil looking glass and it tells me I am. I am a wonderful mother, a loving wife, an awesome daycare provider, humorous and generous to a fault. Many people don't see these things unless they know me well. I feel everyone is looking at me and judging me for the shell I portray. Now maybe this is not true, but maybe it is. I have been guilty of looking at someone overweight and thinking not nice things. Did I know this person, probably not. Our minds can be so evil. I just want to not feel so insecure so that my other qualities can shine through.
carlamcgrath

carlamcgrath

2
 

What To Eat

Ok It's been 2 1/2 weeks since my surgery. I've lost 16 lbs. But I did gain two pounds and then lost them again(not sure how cause I hardly eat anything). Anyways I've heard alot of different people talking about what to eat. They differ like night and day. I have always preffered carbohydrates to protein. Not a real big meat eater. So this low carbohydrate high protein diet is killing me. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
carlamcgrath

carlamcgrath

1
 

One Week Out

I want to thank the people who commented on my last blog. Yes, I admit I have a food addiction. How do I know, well I dream of food and lots of it. Then I wake up and realize I cant eat any of it and it fills me with sadness. I dreamed last night that if I would have known you couldn't eat I might not have gotten the band. But then in my dream I said no, I would still get it. Those of us who are on the post phase of the band (short lived I do hope) are mourning our one true love. FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   I have come to the realization that I never really tasted food. Not really enjoyed it. Ok you say "Oh Carla you enjoyed your food". Yes but not in the way food was meant to be enjoyed. I am on the pour off the spoon stage and that can really limit your choices. But, I pureed vegatable soup and had 3oz of that then mixed in 1oz of fat free regular yogurt. It was actually quite tasty. I would have never done this before, but I was trying to get some protein in my meal.   Until I actually realized I wasn't eating enough(I know this has never happened before), I was starving to death. Not starving like you gotta have that cheeseburger, starving like my system felt like I was actually for the first time in its life starving.
carlamcgrath

carlamcgrath

0
 

8 Days And Waiting

Okay, I am 8 days away from the big day, and am getting more terrified. I bought a bunch of my favorite foods on Sat. so I can enjoy them one last time. I have an emotianal connection to food and am so afraid that I won't be able to get rid of this. Any suggestions?
carlamcgrath

carlamcgrath

0
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