Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!
$99 Yearly Supply Alert! 🌈 "1 per Day!" Bariatric Multivitamins
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
  • entries
    35
  • comments
    93
  • views
    17,272

About this blog

Morelgirl's Lap Band Life

Entries in this blog

 

Better To Emote Than Eat

My bff/housemate went to stay with her fiance for the weekend, so this is the first time I've been alone (I mean, other than when she's at work during the day...I work from home) since being banded. I was a little worried that old habits might kick in and have me eating badly while left to my own devices. Even though I've been making all my own meals this whole time, in the time BB (before banding) a weekend alone would have seen me too lazy to cook and living on take out or fast food. I mean, why bother going to the trouble to actually take care of myself when there's no one to eat with and no one to see my bad habits? Fortunately, AB (after banding) I'm still feeling the motivation of a new adventure and did pretty well for myself.   Spending a bunch of time on LBT did, of course, help me keep focused and honest with myself. I'm being more and more careful about weighing and measuring my food as opposed to guesstimating. After so many times on Weight Watchers, I generally do farly well with estimating tablespoons and cups, but it's always good to give myself a refresher course. I also did some cooking. I found a recipe for Wendy's chili that made so much of the stuff that my freezer is now full of tiny cups of it! I also cooked a couple of chicken breasts in the crockpot until they fell apart and I've been using those for chicken salad. Just add lite mayo, plain greek yogurt and spices and it's pretty yummy. I'd love to throw in some diced celery and pickle relish, but I'm still wary of those fibrous vegetables. Maybe in another few weeks.   Wednesday will mark my 3 weeks since surgery. Since my doctor plans to do my first fill at my 4 week appointment and wants me ready for solids by that point, I'll probably begin transitioning to soft solids in the second half of this week. Like with every other stage of this progression, I have my initial, "what counts as a soft solid?" confusion going on at the moment, but I'll figure it out. After all, I can always look it up on the forums!
morelgirl

morelgirl

2
 

Paranoia, Party Of One? Your Table Is Ready

So I weighed in yesterday and lost 0.9 lbs. This led to the immediate recognition of the fact that at the moment, I have a split personality. I call them Logical Me and Emotional Me.   Logical Me tells me that any weight loss is good weight loss. I'm currently in "Bandster Hell," that period of time between my surgery and my first fill when my appetite has returned, but the band is not yet offering me any restriction. Logical Me points out that a lot of people stop losing weight now entirely and many even gain some weight. She also wants me to remember that the slower the weight loss, the better my skin will be able to adjust and the less loose skin I may have when I reach my goal. And finally, Logical Me would like to point out that I've spent at least ten years getting to this weight from my last lowest point, so it's dumb of me to expect that I'll lose it in a couple of months.   Emotional me is too busy wailing and gnashing her teeth to tell me anything. Somewhere buried in her incoherent sobs, I am able to make out a few thoughts, though, like how can I not lose more weight when I've been eating no more than 1000 calories per day? Or, OMG am I going to fail this attempt at weight loss just like I have all the other ones after I've spent all this money on having surgery? Maybe the band won't help me. Maybe I'm just destined to be fat my whole life, and I'll just keep gaining weight even if I stop eating all together for the rest of my life. Maybe this was all a wasted effort and I should just go crawl under a rock and forget about ever being healthy and happy with myself.   I'd like to slap Emotional Me across the face and tell her to shut her w&!@# mouth. I know those thoughts are ridiculous, but that doesn't mean I can completely erase them from the back of my mind. All I can do is turn up the volume on Logical Me, keep reading the forums, and keep poking along at whatever pace my body deems appropriate. After all, when it comes down to it, I didn't get this surgery just to drop weight; I got it to help me make a huge and permanent lifestyle change that will result in gradual and permanent weight loss.   Maybe if I got that tattooed on the back of my hand, it would be easier to remember...
morelgirl

morelgirl

10
 

Round 1: Coming Out Swinging

I'm starting this with the uncertainty whether I hope or dread anyone reading it, not to mention the hard-earned inability to believe that even this step will really be able to accomplish the thing to which it seems I've dedicated my life: losing weight. Unsucessfully, natch.   I remember being on my first diet by the age of 9; I got my lap band (a Realize band, actually) on February 1, 2012, a little less than 3 month before my 37th birthday. Did I give up on losing the weight on my own? Maybe, but I prefer to think of it as giving up on the DELUSION that I could lose it on my own. Yes, I said it--it was a delusion. Delusional thinking. I've dieted for almost my entire life; if dieting actually led to weight loss, I'd be f'ing Kate Moss by now. Heck, I'd have melted away to nothing more than a decade ago. Atkins? Did it. Sonoma? Did it. Cabbage soup? Grapefruit? Mayo Clinic? Done, done, done. Jenny Craig? Check. Weight Watchers? Which of the nine times do you want to discuss? Counting calories? Yup, as well as counting fat, counting carbs, and counting numbers of bites. I became a human abacus. I saw a nutritionist for two years, and a therapist for even longer. I worked on my issues even as I worked harder at losing weight than at anything else in my life, but the lesson I learned from all of that work was that dieting doesn't. It doesn't work, and it most especially doesn't work for me.   Enter, the band. Through five little incisions right in my belly. It is even now wrapped around my stomach and giving me a new (if still shaky) hope that maybe I can finally solve this problem. You know the one. The one that makes buying clothes not only difficult, but occasionally humiliating. The one that makes other people's gazes either slide right over you, or linger in that way that makes you want to crawl under a rock and hide. The one that makes doctors blame anything you ask for their help with on the same thing, regardless of symptoms, cause, or duration. The one that makes anyone in the medical profession ask if you've ever considered losing weight, as if you hadn't noticed you were fat and the idea of attempting to be thin had never even occurred to you. Yeah, that one.   The issue here is that one week after surgery and 13.7 pounds down from my pre-pre-op-diet weight, I still haven't decided whether or not I believe this solution will work. I hope--God knows, I hope--but I can't quite commit to optimism yet. All I've got at the moment is that hope, and the kind of anticipation you feel before a huge exam. I know I studied, and I know the material backward and forward, but I still can't help feeling that I still could fail, just because I've done it before.   Still, fingers crossed and breath held and band installed. I've even begun to transition (with desperation induced permission from my surgeon...I couldn't take liquids anymore) onto purees. Maybe this will work. Maybe I'll blog here more than this once. I don't know what the future holds yet, but I really hope it's good.
morelgirl

morelgirl

3
 

Two Weeks Well

Things are still going really well in BandLand. Today marks 2 weeks since surgery--no pain, soreness at the large incision (port site) is barely noticeable anymore, no gas pain (Although I am burping waaaaaaaay more than I ever did before surgery. Is that weird, or has anyone else noticed that? Before surgery, a burp was a rare and embarrassing event for me. Now, several times a day, I end up sounding like a drunken frat boy. Thankfully, my housemate is merely amused by this.). I'm happily eating my mushies and incorporating some very finely minced meats, my favorites so far being black bean soup with salsa and sour cream garnish, and chili. Yum.   The one food issue I worry about at the moment is getting my veggies; not because I'm afraid of getting stuck (so far, I can eat anything, and I do mean anything) but because I get so full just getting in my protein that I don't have room for any! I guess that's why my surgeon wants me taking a multivitamin, but I'd still rather eat fresh vegetables. I like veggies! I know I'm getting some between the salsas and the veggies in the chili and such, but sometimes I still crave some plain steamed broccoli, or a pile of sugar snap peas!   Tonight* is my weigh in, and I'm a little nervous about having gained in the past week since transitioning off of liquids. Even though I've been keeping count of my calories (Wow! I am sooooo addicted to MyFitnessPal on my iPad!!!) and staying at around 1000/day, I know from past experience that my body can hang onto weight on nothing but saltines and water! But, fingers crossed. I keep telling myself that this is a journey, and I've barely finished buttoning my coat and stepping out the front door. Maybe that will help me remember to be patient and let the band help me toward my goals.           * Yes, I weigh at night. I know most people weigh in the morning and that morning weight tends to be lower than night weight, but my morning schedule is much less consistent than my nights, so if I weigh in the morning, I NEVER end up weighing in at the same time two weeks in a row. Plus, the difference in day and night weights seems to also compensate for the difference between my scale and the doctor's scale.
morelgirl

morelgirl

6
 

Okay, Done With Down

The emotional down, that is. Hopefully, there will be lots of down happening on my scale in the weeks and months to come. My last entry was a bit on the depressed/depressing side, and I'm going to work not to let that take over. After all, things are actually pretty good.   The surgery was surprisingly easy, in more ways than one. Since my insurance excluded the procedure from my policy, I ended up paying cash for it, and let me tell you, that certainly speeds up the process--so much so, that when I gave my surgery date to the program coordinator at the center where I had the procedure (a little less than three months after attending the mandatory information seminar on bariatric surgeries in general), she informed me that she thought I had set a new speed record for the pre-op phase of the process. And the surgery itself was way less scary thanks could have been. In and out of the operating room in 1 hour, and home in my recliner within another six.   Surprisingly, the incisions ended up being the least noticeable pain after the fact. The shoulder pain, which I hadn't heard of but now know is normal, was much more uncomfortable. In reality, the incisions just itch a lot. Only the largest one is a problem, and that's mostly just sore, as if I had pulled a muscle there a few days ago and it's now slowly repairing itself. It only really bugs me when I stretch. All in all, the recovery is going smooth and easy, just like the surgery. Let's hope it's an omen of how the weight loss will go as well.   So really, I should be feeling pretty good. And I am, on top of the underlying low grade fear. This could mean very good things for me, especially now that I'm on mashies; it's amazing how that one little step can make a person feel sooooooooo much more human. In two and a half weeks, I go back to the surgeon for what I hope will be my first fill, and then the journey can really start.   Please, bandster hell, go easy on me. I'm still feeling a little fragile.  
morelgirl

morelgirl

2
 

Exhaustion = Philosophy***

Feeling so tired today, and I'm not sure why, so I might just decide to blame the weather. Yesterday was beautiful, but today it's back to Spring in the PacNW. Translation = Cool and Rainy.   So I was out of touch for a couple of weeks there. Nothing horrible happened, but I had a work deadline that butted right up against a trip out of town, so I was a bit preoccupied and not spending much time on the forums or even online in general. I did learn something, though, that has made me both happy and totally surprised: So far, having the band has meant that even when I get incredibly stressed and stop paying super-close attention to what and how I'm eating, I still don't go back to my old habits. At least not totally. Before the band, a work deadline combined with a couple of weeks of stress would have meant an automatic 5 lb gain or more. This time, not so much. I pretty much stayed the same overall. It's still sinking in, really, because it's such a foreign concept to me. I mean, intellectually I knew from the beginning that getting the band would mean a permanent lifestyle change, but it's still weird to me to see concrete evidence of that.   Or maybe that's just me.   On Tuesday, I got my third fill, bringing me up to 6.5cc in my 11cc band. I'm still not feeling restriction, but I'm hoping I'm just one of those people who needs a little time for the fill to settle in. I keep expecting to hit restriction and have to start eliminating items from my diet, but so far I can eat anything and everything, including bread, pasta, rice, beef, and raw veggies. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I mean, I don't want to have to give up foods, but it makes me feel like something less than a "real" bandster for some reason. I mean, part of why I got the band was so that I could change not what I ate but how much I ate, but it's weird to hear all the stories about how people with bands absolutely canNOT eat certain foods and know that I have no issues with them. I keep waiting for it to change, but will it? And if it doesn't, am I still a bandster?   *sigh* Like I said, I'm tired and philosophical today. Maybe I should just go have a nap now...     ***Apologies for the rambling. I really do need more sleep.
morelgirl

morelgirl

0
 

Water, Water Everywhere

The excitement of the moment is that I will be getting my fence fixed! Yay! In a remarkable stroke of luck, I got a phone call last week from a detective with the local police department (this was entirely different from the department that took my report of the fence damage...since I live outside the incorporated city limits, the sheriff's department had jurisdiction over my report). It turns out that she was in the neighborhood the morning of the incident and actually SAW a tow truck hit my fence, tear it down, then turn and flee the scene. Since she was out of jurisdiction, she didn't stop them, but she made note of the name of the towing company and tracked down their phone number. When she called them and explained that the driver could be arrested because he hadn't stopped to exchange info or report the hit and run, suddenly the company was happy to contact me and arrange to pay for the fence repair. So next week, I'll have the fencing company out to replace nearly 40 ft of damaged fence. Woohoo!   Other than that, I'm mostly holding my breath. My daily weigh-ins seem very promising this week, but I'm scared to believe it yet. I haven't been doing anythig really differently than I have over the last 2 weeks, when I began varying my calorie intake daily. Actually, that's not quite true. The one thing I've altered a little bit is that I've been much better about drinking water since my last weigh-in. I still don't drink nearly the amounts you hear recommended (2/3 of your body weight in ounces??? I'd end up drowning myself!!!), but I've been getting in a minimum of 8 glasses of fluid and guaranteeing that at least 6 of them are pure water. So maybe that's actually helping? I've heard people before swear up and down that drinking water can help you lose weight, but I guess I'm just stubborn and hadn't really paid attention to it before. Silly me.   Anyway, official weigh-in is on Wednesday, and I've got my fingers crossed that the number on the scale from this morning either holds steady or continues to drop. We'll see!
morelgirl

morelgirl

0
 

Back On The Chain Gang

Not that following the rules of being banded is the equivalent of being on a chain gang (face it, it's not hard physical labor, just a good mental work out) but I've always loved the Pretenders. I mean, how cool is Chrissie Hynde?   I got myself back on track as of Tuesday, and I've had a few good days this week. Of course, I'm also back to weighing myself obsessively (give and take, I suppose), so I'm trying to remember that it's normal for weight to fluctuate day-to-day, so having the scale go down steadily for a couple of days then be up a bit today is not really a sign of the coming apocalypse. Nor is it any reason to quit doing what I'm doing.   Put down the chips, ma'am. Step away from the chips.   Overall, I'm feeling pretty good. Since I just had my last dress fitting for my BFF's wedding, I could definitely be feeling worse. Do I love the way I look in my dress? No. It's okay. It's a good style for my body type and the color is really nice for me, but in my mind, I won't look good in a dress for at least another 30 lbs. But, I do like that I don't have to worry about whether or not I can wear it again, since by the next time I have an occasion for a really nice dress, it ought to be way too big for me. That keeps me feeling pretty positive. It's the little things, right?   So things are pretty good. The wedding is one week from tomorrow, meaning that's one level of stress I get to shed. I just need to take one day at a time, especially while the BFF is away on her honeymoon, since that's someone who can't hold me accountable during that time. I'll need to do the heavy lifting myself. But you know what, I've built up some fairly big bandster muscles over the last 3 months. I'm pretty sure I got this.
morelgirl

morelgirl

0
 

Off Site Blog

To anyone who might be interested, I've started a band blog off of LBT. The link is here: http://themagicminimushroom.blogspot.com/   Posts may or may not overlap here and there (they do not at the moment), but I think I probably have enough rants to be okay with both at the moment.
morelgirl

morelgirl

0
 

Truckin'

Apologies to anyone who is (like me) old enough to see that post title and now has the Grateful Dead stuck in their head. At least be comforted that I am in the same boat.   It is appropriate, though. I am truckin' along here 10 days post-surgery. I'm really enjoying my mushies over last week's liquids, but I am trying to keep an eye on my calories and getting as close to my minimum protein goals as I can. On that score, I can't wait until I can actually eat meat again. It has sooo much more protein than the softer eggs and beans and cheeses I'm most comfortable with at the moment. Honestly, I'm so comfortable and having such an easy time of it, that I'm guessing I could probably handle soft solids if not solids already, but after pushing for early mushies, I'm trying not to rock the boat too much more. And honestly, I'm not really having hunger issues yet, either. I mean, I get hungry, but it pretty much corresponds to mealtimes and 1/4 to 1/2 cup of food keeps me satisfied for hours. I still worry, though. I'm a bit paranoid about whether I'm inadvertently stretching my pouch, but I think my volumes are small enough to be safe. Fingers crossed.   Some soreness around my largest incision still, a bit worse today after I overdid it a little yesterday on the bending at stretching, but nothing liquid Tylenol isn't dealing with. First fill should be in 18 days, and I'm marking the time off with eager anticipation!
morelgirl

morelgirl

0
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0

PatchAid Vitamin Patches

Bariatric Forums

For Patients

Health Professionals

Search Surgeons

Bariatric Surgeons: Want to research a weight loss surgery surgeon? Enter their last name below to start!

×