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Lap-banded 11/11/11

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What A Day Part 2

Don't get me wrong, I'm not perfect. Obviously, or I wouldn't have a problem with food. But today I realized something....I need to put myself first more often then I do.   Just a little background info.   I've been dating a guy since June, but its on and off all of the time. I'm stupid for allowing it to be that way, but thats another whole story. Today he worked from home while I'm at my sisters resting and relaxing on my one day off. We had agreed to see each other today, I'd come over to his place at some point.   He calls me at 6, I'm asleep but I was just waiting for him to call and let me know he was done with work. He says he's really tired, and he's just gonna go to bed. No problem, he has some health issues and just had a huge molar yanked out yesterday. So I say "Are you sure??" He says yes and I love you, talk to you later, etc. Ok no problem.   Then I get the nastygram text about how I chose to dump him off yesterday and not ask how he was doing all day. WTF? Seriously??? Yes, you took care of me all weekend, WHILE YOU WERE OFF; I had major surgery and was in pain and not feeling well and really couldn't afford to be alone all weekend. Fine, you took care me, that was awesome, I thanked you profusely.   His cracked tooth was bothering him to the point that Monday he was almost in tears about it. I called MY dentist since he doesn't have one in Maryland (he's from PA) and he got an appt for Wednesday afternoon. Then Tuesday, he was still in so much pain, I called again for him and got him in that day at 4. Meanwhile I'm still sore and recouping, went back to work, I'm running to the dr.'s office for the second time to pick up my corrected light duty note for my idiot staffing at my job, stopped by my parents house, cooked for my mom, helped my dad with some stuff, etc. (they're older and my mom has alzhiemers). I still made time to stop and hold his hand at the dentist. He is happy that he's got some pain medicine now; he is advised to go see an oral surgeon ASAP to get the root canal. Well turns out, a root canal would have cost him 1K out of pocket. So I said, why don't you get it pulled since its cracked all the way through and in the very back of your mouth. He agrees. I spend my entire lunch hour calling oral surgeons in Maryland to find one that could see him that day or Thursday. The entire time he's snapping at me because he's just like that when he's in pain or upset. (Another story.) Finally I find one, it won't cost anything out of pocket, and its Thursday at 730am. He's happier now. I spent the night with him Wednesday night so I could drive him and pick him up due to the anesthesia. He thanks me, he loves me, blah blah blah. Even though he thought he needed a referral and his previous X-rays and somehow that was my fault, and he was going to loose his job, and that was my fault. I told him to relax. This doesn't make it any better apparently. Well that afternoon he felt much better. I went and picked up his rx's and some other errands for him. Apparently, this isn't enough. I should stop and spend the rest of the week at his side, coddling him....if you know me, I don't coddle. I have no sympathy for sissy's or selfish people. And that is exactly what he acted like. "Give me attention" "you didn't blah blah blah!" "You don't do this blah blah and blah" and so on and so on...   I feel like he doesn't appreciate anything I do for him. Its never good enough; he's got a bottomless pit that can't be filled no matter what anyone does. This relationship, if you could call it that, is over in my book.   SO YAYYY, that was my day.     I had a tunafish sandwich for lunch and the rest of it for dinner, with some sugar free hot chocolate. Yah, not the bestest thing to choose, but there's not much in the house and I am not going grocery shopping until I get paid next week. Speaking of next week, I have a lot to do. Do ya think anyone will help me? Noooo, and when I say anyone I mean the BF. The BF is about to become the ex, or TX. I don't need that crap right now, I'm trying to start my life over after being unhappy for years. Don't f with that!!!!!!   I don't plan on writing like this all the time in my blog; I will probably just write about things pertaining to my lapbanding, but I needed to vent.   Cheers everyone...over and out good buddy! Bedtime for Sara.
SaraRedSoxRN

SaraRedSoxRN

3
 

Ughhhh Bad Day

Not a bad day for food so much as a bad day for a)weather and b)my bank account is screwed up. Not a happy Sara!   I've been carrying water with me everywhere to drink, so thats a good thing. I had a banana for breakfast, some saltines for a snack, a small piece of bertucci's pizza with veggies on it (Matt gave it to me) and a couple waffle fries. Yah, ok, not perfect. But I was out all afternoon taking my mom to her dr.'s appt in the rain; driving here and there.   *sigh* and the week goes on, still busy too.   I'm going to be full time living at my parent's house in a week. Sooo much to do there to get it organized; and when I'm stressed out like that, its just a matter of time before my brain sneaks up and me and says "YOU WANT FOOD! YOU WANT IT NOW!" And I eat something I shouldn't to relieve my stress. But I'm going to be smarter than that....   Xmas shopping coming up too! Oh goody! Spending money on other people!! *gag*   Road trip to Pittsburgh for Xmas, that is where Matt's parents and daughter live. *stress*
SaraRedSoxRN

SaraRedSoxRN

2
 

Still Here I Swear!

It will be 3 weeks tomorrow since I was banded. I've lost about 12 lbs. I imagine it isn't going much faster because I'm not exercising. The reason why is because I've moving and doing all of that this week and last weekend; once I get settled, I have my gym membership back. I plan on going Monday after work.   Second, I'm starving all the time. About every 2 hours while I'm at work. I bring high protein food to work and eat just about all of it. I drink water--2 of the huge Desani water bottles at least. I still drink milk, but I don't guzzle it. I'm hoping next time I get on the scale it is going down some more.   Its just been crazy this past month. This month will probably be the same way; Xmas coming, traveling for Xmas, moving and settling, working, etc. I'm sure by New Year's I'll be ready to collapse.   I'm waiting for the movers to get here...they're late. I'm all ready to go. I could have made another run with the stuff I just spent 3 hours loading into my dad's truck...grrr. My dad bought me a new flat screen tv, because I'm giving him my sofa that I don't want/need. That was really sweet of him; he's been so helpful and good to me lately. I am so thankful for him. Growing up we just had no relationship beyond him financially supporting me and occasionally yelling at me to talking every week and him helping me out with daily life things. Its so awesome. Happy banding folks. I'll be back soon...
SaraRedSoxRN

SaraRedSoxRN

4
 

P/O Week #1

One week gone already...man time flies when you're starving...   I am doing pretty well, little or no pain from the incision areas/abdomen. My left shoulder was killing me all week, I'm not sure if its a pinched nerve from the way I was sleeping the past month combined with the surgery position. Either way it hurt like woooahh. The Dr said I could take some Motrin every now and then but not to make it a habit. I even took a couple of Matt's (boyfriend) percocet from his cracked tooth stash. (He cracked his tooth last week and it we didn't realize it until this week. Talk about ouch.)   OK, OK, I cheated. I've been eating mashed potatoes, oatmeal, tuna salad, popsicles, Fudgecicles, Jello, soup. Sue me. I had VERY SMALL portions, like, palm of your hand or smaller. I tolerated them well, no issues. But I definitely know when I'm full!!   I saw Dr. Von Reuden Wednesday afternoon; I'm down 8 lbs already. I made an appt. with the SW in the group so I can talk to her about my still nagging desire to eat for pleasure rather than fuel. I'm there with that about 55%, which is bad news long term.   I plan on going to my old gym in Columbia, MD once I move back there next week. I am so excited!! No, you really did read that correctly...I am. No one gets excited to go to the gym. I want to try to start running/jogging again soon if my plantar fascia foot allows me. If not, I guess I'm going to find other things to do   Heading into a busy weekend followed by a busy week. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly and wraps up quickly.
SaraRedSoxRN

SaraRedSoxRN

5
 

Not A Bad Weekend...

I'm at work tonight; working 3p-1130p.   I realized a long time ago, that when I have down time at work or I'm bored, I think about snacking. Even if I'm not hungry. I bring decent healthy food to work 99% of the time. But right now, because its a patient's 18th birthday, there are 2 huge boxes of the biggest damn donuts in the world drenched with chocolate. I'm not even phased. I'm actually looking at them thinking "Why are we feeding this **** to our patients???" Not my idea. But anyway, I digress...   The move is over, completed, and done. My previous landlord lady is a total b***h when it comes to wrapping this up, and is still thinking that I'm paying her a non refundable pet fee. She just can't let it go and leave me alone. All of my posessions are in my parent's garage or house, and some at my sister's house. I've got alot of sorting to do!! I swear I got my excerise with all of this packing, moving, putting it in the truck, taking it out, etc. I also realized how weak I am; I can barely get my self from a kneeling position to a standing position when I'm up on the bed of my dad's truck!! HOW PATHETIC!!! I've got alot of work ahead of me, and there's going to be alot of tears involved   The good thing is my dad is very supportive and is totally my rock right now with everything. The BF is doing well as far as supporting me with this whole new deal; he still eats crappy food though, and I wish he would stop. Not for me, but so that he can keep himself out of trouble. He's not a big guy, he's about 5'7, 165lbs, size M or L, 32" waist. He's incredible hot. But he eats crap and smokes, and he has Chronn's Disease. Yes, I could strangle him.   Hmmm. What else is on my mind....   Xmas is almost here, and seeing all the crap in the grocery stores just makes me that much more aware of how much garbage we put in our mouths. I see alot of overweight kids/teens and it breaks my heart what an injustice their parents are doing to them. I have a very good friend/big sister/mentor type person in my life, Sharon, who is a vegan and so are her 3 kids and husband. They made the switch about 2 years ago from vegetarian to vegan; she makes awesome food. She is also a health and wellness coach now; she always has a great link up on her fb with a new recipe or encouragement towards a healthy lifestyle. I know she shops at MOM's, which is a local organic chain in Maryland where I live. I went into one on Friday, and despite being overpriced, there were tons of good things. I just have no idea what to put together. I got some hummus, couscous with peas and carrots, and some hard pretzels for the BF. There were lots of other yum yum's there, including their homemade bread which is to die for, but obviously I'm bread and pasta free for the most part. I think my favorite store is still Whole Foods. or Wegmans; we're getting a Wegman's next summer in Columbia WAHOO.   I think somewhere in this blog I was going to mention how passionate I am about feeding young children healthy food. Its such an easy thing to do, and it promotes nothing but positive and good. I CRINGE when I see anyone under the age of 10 drinking soda, or eating Cheetoo's...ughhh. My mom didn't let me have that **** at all, unless it was a super special occasion. My obsession came with it when I was a teenager and my home life depressed me. Food made me feel better, and I had control over it. Anyways, I am hoping someday I can incorporate my passion into my career.   Ok back to work, they're yelling at the TV so the Raven's are either winning or getting wallopped.     KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK MY FELLOW BANDERS :) <3
SaraRedSoxRN

SaraRedSoxRN

0
 

Day 9 Of Many

Purple for the Raven's win today people...   Ahh. The weekend is over, but there's still one more day of work. Ughh. Not looking forward to it. I've been eating a little too much at work, a little too much "bad" stuff. I have an appt with my counselor at the Bariatric practice soon. Its stress right now, I'm moving, having bf issues, money issues, etc. It shouldn't be an excuse for me to not follow the plan. I'm probably headed down the road of screwing up if I don't break off now.   Anyone else out there struggle with this?    
SaraRedSoxRN

SaraRedSoxRN

0
 

Day 10 - What Foods Would Stretch My Band/pouch At This Point?

Its my day off. I'm still exhausted, and the weather is icky. So I haven't done much today; normally a day like this I'd be eating crappy food all day. Not the case!! I've done well the past 2 days.   I had a sugar free carnation instant breakfast shake with 1% milk, about 8 oz banana baby food 1/2 cup cheerios with 1% milk water, water, water 4 soft chicken nuggets from the grocery store/Tyson's lemon greek yogurt   This is good for me, no sweets (I had to pass them about 100 times in the grocery store last night) I'm used to eating about 4 times this much on a day off. I know that its not perfect, but for me this is great. Its soooo hard to change these eating habits. I've struggled the whole time since I first started seeing the Dr. 2/14. I was put on Wellbutrin in May/June, and it totally killed my appetite and my desire to eat. So I did eat less and I ate somewhat healthy. I dropped 15lbs. One of my good friends came to visit and I blew it--August 20 something until right before the banding. So this is going to be harder for me to get a hold of then I thought. I do know that after I see something I want or think of something I want thats soooo not allowed, I remember my band and how I don't want to f this all up. But the cravings are still there, and thats what trips me up.   One day at a time I suppose.
SaraRedSoxRN

SaraRedSoxRN

0
 

11/11/11 Start Me Up!

Surgery was bright and early this past Friday. I was gung-ho and all ready to go...they took me back and before I could even blink, I was waking up in the recovery. When I woke up I was extremely uncomfortable! It was awful. I didn't have my glasses, so I couldn't see anyone. I was hurting because of how uncomfortable the stretcher/bed I was laying on was; my neck was all out of whack. Eventually I was able to wake up enough to talk to the nurses. They were awesome nurses, very sweet and caring. One of them was even a Steeler's fan!! So we joked about that. They helped me get up and thats when the gas pains kicked in. Holy hell, it was awful. I just couldn't get comfortable long enough to relax or get some rest. My throat was sooooo sore I wanted to cry; I couldn't pee, and then when I did it was only small amounts. Finally I just had to get out of there and get home. Terri (my sister) took me to Matt's house. Matt is my boyfriend, but we have a couple nasty fights that have left us in the "its complicated" column. He took such good care of me. He went all the way back to my apartment, picked up my stuff, bought me my rx from walmart for the zofran which saved my life!! I vomited in Terri's car (in my little pink puke pan) and then again after I got to Matt'shile he was out . He took my pulse, my temp, woke me up for my medicine, got me comfortable, helped me up to go pee, all those nice things a caring boyfriend nurse would do.   Passing gas and eventually having a BM was like heaven. That occurred today, Sunday. I was able to make it to the bathroom most of the time!!! My port site is the sorest. It kills me whenever I get up from a sitting or laying position. Its on the right side of my abdomen. Oh lord, its the sorest spot. The gas sometimes gets caught up in my chest area and it stings and burns. It hurts to cough too. It reminds me of when I was 6 and my dad had open heart surgery, where they crack your chest open. He had a little pillow that he carried around in case he had to cough. He would hold it up to his chest to ease the pain. I thought I'd be back to work Monday (tomorrow) but I need one more day to rest and poop. Plus I need to get a doctor's note to put me on light duty. I hope Springfield will work with me on this, because I'm trying to get it together.   I had to skip ahead a little and eat a small portion of tomato soup tonight and some popsicles. I was starving. I'm so sick of just drinking flavored water...eww. So I'm going lightly and slow with it, and I'm tolerating it well. Keeping my fingers crossed!!!
SaraRedSoxRN

SaraRedSoxRN

0
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