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Eating An Elephant One Bite Less At A Time...My Journey To Save My Life

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In The Beginning...

I am tired. Physically, mentally...you name it. It's all tired. I know what I have the opportunity to do here. I just can't find the jumping off point, the selfish self-caring button inside me to get motivated to care for myself.   I have been blessed with a job that has an insurance company that will most likely pay the majority of the bill for a surgery that I can use as a tool to help shed this other layer of body that is encasing what I should be. I live where one of the best centers and doctors for this surgery happens to be.   There are many things to consider. The mere fact of another abdominal surgery is a tremendous one. 3 c-sections and a gallbladder removed has already left enough trauma to that area.   Having a permanent device implanted is causing a bit of a phobic reaction.   Normal fears of surgery, allergies to meds I have experienced, etc. have all surfaced.   The fact that I have a painful disability in my heels that cause me to have limited exercise ability. Also a torn miniscus in my knee that needs surgery, ironically caused from the physical therapy to my heels.   My addiction to carbs and sugars is causing me to consider whether I can make this worth it. It is so serious that I have considered going to a physician for some kind of anti-compulsion meds to see if this will curb the cravings. It may be my lack of energy because of sleep apnea that leads me to sugar and caffeine. I seldom want protiens, maybe this is why the vegetarian lifestyle is so easy for me. There are plenty of healthy vegetable protiens but I only seem to want carbs, even after a detox or a fast.   So much to consider. It is so obvious to others that I need to do this. Even my dad, who is anti-everything, is supportive of it.   I have at least a month to make the decision. If I cannot get my sugar problems under control I don't see how this will work.
1bunni4me

1bunni4me

2
 

The January Journey

Wow! My composition professor would be appalled at my beginning anything with that but January was so insane for me that I can only begin with a Wow! I prayed, I researched, I posted here, I poured over everything I could find on obesity and gastric surgeries. I watched an all day long marathon on the morbidly obese on Discovery Channel. As always, I overdid, I over-thought, I drove myself crazy. I was in church on a Wednesday evening and could not set still. I finally went out into the lobby and called the insurance company. I was so hoping I was denied and then the searching for a decision was over. The man's voice on the phone told me differently. I was approved. By Friday I had my date. Jan. 31, 2007, with my liquid diet beginning on Jan. 17, 2007. In a week and a half my whole life was changing. The only thing I could compare this to was my pregnancies but this time it was all about me. Was I selfish or rather self-caring enough to go through with this? The idea of waiting on approval had actually caused me to go for the cokes and the caffeined sugary drinks even more and my sedentary job was just helping with the weight gain. I knew I had to quit the sugar now or forget the surgery. Guess what the Wednesday evening services were on all the month of January? A personal trainer/ pastor gave health lectures and focused on fasting! When I decided to fast God had the whole church fast! I actually began liquids and protien shakes every day until the 17th followed by a healthy evening meal. I am truly blessed I did because I would not have made it through the two weeks of liquids 24/7 before surgery if I had not began to prepare weeks ahead of time. My next entry I want to share what those two weeks of such a limited diet did for and to me mentally and physically. I learned about me and what I am vulnerable to. I also learned how strong I can be.
1bunni4me

1bunni4me

1
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