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I'm Venting Y'all

I’m writing this because I don’t believe I have ever been this frustrated in my entire life. I have been through so much bull shit in between doctor’s visits and dealing with my insurance and I’m sorry if I offend anyone, but I truly need to vent. I’m obese! Dammit I’m over 100 lbs over weight and this is simply bullshit! I’ve been through so many pre testing…I’ve paid at least 3 grand in having doctors see me naked and examine me for this surgery…only to have my paperwork not reach my insurance… my insurance to say it’ll take a good 30 days for me to be approved and my doctor’s office to be waiting….. mean while, my ass is getting sick and fucking tired of all this drama! I hate that I cry more than anything out of anxiety over this surgery…I don’t feel any closer today than I did back in August when I was sent to a doctor who didn’t even do the lap band procedure! I’m frustrated beyond frustration and I STILL have to put on a pretty face and work today! I think that J doesn’t want to have anything to do with me because he hasn’t called me, and I don’t think he even cares…maybe I’m too fat for him? Duh…maybe I am, I know I hate what I see in the mirror! Ardith was right, people treat you so much different when you’re larger…I’m tired of being overlooked and ignored…I’m through with the men who want to be “friends” because they’re scared of being in a relationship with a fat girl. I’m no less likely loveable because of the extra flesh on my frame. I’m a human being…I’ve got feelings and why am I caring about Jeff when he obviously doesn’t give a rats ass about my big fat ass!? Can’t buy love Desiree, I could have sent dozens of care packages to his ass in Iraq and that wouldn’t change the fact that he used me and my kindness and I was a gullable stupid girl still searching for acceptance in others. When will I learn to crave that acceptance from myself. I know I’m venting, but am I really prepared for this surgery? I have a lot to think about…:angry
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

3
 

It's Overcast out today...

I have a lot more planning for my surgery today. I have so much inspiration and ideas from Lapbandtalk.com members. My friend Sue is just so awsome. She knows how scared I am because I'm doing this by myself. :cry She's gonna take care of me after my surgery and she is so dear to my heart. She had the bypass surgery last year. My other friend Andrea is so awsome too, she is having the same surgery with Dr. Liu and said she'll take me to the appointment. I can't thank the Rogers enough. I met them yesterday when I had my appointment fiasco-- What a sweet kind mother and daughter:love: . I wish my mom was so here for me like that Well.....gotta jet Desi
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

2
 

Today was a good day...

I have a pre-screening appointment on Friday "Thank You Jesus!" I also had a talk with our HR director about my idiot manager who's had problems with me going to the doctor "All the time"... I can't wait to have this done
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

2
 

Well? I'm waiting...... :)

I'm finished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All test are done and now i'm just waiting for my insurance to give me the okay!!!! My friend's appointment is set and I'm so excited for Andrea, it's been a long journey even this far for her! Met with a wonderful doctor yesterday for my Psyche eval.... very cool, we went over so much stuff and she gave me her green light.... We also were able to discuss the difficulties I've had in my new office.... Just when I think things are getting better, some idiot rears her ugly head. I actually had a rep recieve a bad review and she blamed it all on her assistant...me? So I got re-assigned and a little "un-pep talk". I'm too through with this Comcast vs Adelphia bullshit in my office-- it's so like a three ring circus-- too much drama for this girl:cool:
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

2
 

So I got a Pay Day Advance....

Yeah I did it...I broke what so falsely has been accused as the stupidest thing you can do when strapped for cash.... I took out a payday advance. No gravy, I asked for $300 ... got it the next day and when payday rolled around was given the opp to pay the $300 back (plus a fee...hey they did loan me cash quick!) or pay the fee and extend my loan another week. I opted to pay the $375. The good out of this kids.... I was able to pay the bills I needed to and avoid the late fees...get my hair "did" and put some groceries in the house..... Not bad for a cash advance.....:eek:
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

2
 

July 9th and still goin...

Haven't posted in a while... things are kinda bland... I'm a little weezin' Not seriously going to Curves wich is NAUGHTY... Not getting the protein in... I've been bad... But today I'm trying to get back in shape. I'm going to the gym after work and trying to log in my protein intake below... I'm 214.2 lbs today... fitting in between a 12 and 14 (WTG I was a size 26 at the beginning of my journey) I have an adjustment appointment next week.... I'm happy :shades_smile:     Today's protein intake: New-Whey Liquid Protien "Fruit Punch" 42g:tongue_smilie: Syntrax Nector Whey Protein Isolate "Lemon Tea" 23g:blink:
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

Well Well Well...

It's funny...I have a tentative surgery date for next Friday.... funny that my insurance says we haven't recieved any paperwork....Yeah it's all just...Funny...not.... But I can at least laugh about it right :mad: This will doggone make me stronger.. I'm ready y'all, I bought my goodies, broth....protein (Protein nectar and isopplus) Liquid tylenol, gas ex strips...liquid calcium vitamines...the kind you take by spoonful.... I'm Xcited LOL
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

Laaazy Day

I can't wait to start Insanity.... This week is my lst week of Prep with Hip Hop Abs and I so love this DVD! but I'm so about Insanity starting the 15th :tt1: I ordered Results and Recovery and hope I have that in time to use with Insanity and Shakeology! I'm also very excited about my Taste Party Saturday and I'll try to have one every week. I hope my friends and family show up! They'll be amazed at the benefits of Shakeology.... okay well I gotta take a nap cos I feel slightyl drained... xo desi
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

Good Morning 201.6

Got on the scale; didn't really want to and 201.6!   Oh wasn't I here a while ago??? trying to behave myself... happy to inch closer and closer to 199 :thumbup: Des
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

Count Down

Well... two more days and I'll be banded I'm very excited, and a little bit of nerves are set in... I had to do a fleet cleanse this morning. That stuff is so nasty...it's 1.5 ounce in 12 ounces of Apple Juice... but know what? I couldn't even taste the apple juice! The fleet was soooooo overwelming....It's working though because I'm going every 15-20 minutes. This weekend is crazy. My Aunt RD passed last Saturday and today's her funeral. As much as I want to spend time with my family, I'm only able to go to the funeral then get back home so I'm close to the john. I also need to get my apartment a little spruced up... my friend Sue is baby sitting me the first three days, she had a gastro bypass two years ago so she sorta knows what I'm going through... I'm nervous about the IV and coming out of the anestesia, but I know God's not done with me yet, and I'll come through the surgery with flying colors I'm looking forward to a week away from the office and possibly catching Gerard Butler's new movie...he is sooooooooo hot! He has a new movie called 300, y'all go see it... I'll catch up with you later this evening. Huggs and Kisses, Desi
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

It's been a minute right?!

I haven't posted since May, but things have been crazy!! :thumbup: I got outta hand and went up to 218! :thumbup: I've been on track for the last two weeks and have dropped down to 210.5 per the scale this morning.:biggrin: I'm exercising and eating right.... absolutely no caffiene... I miss starbucks,:thumbup: but I wanna hit my mini goal first which is to break 200. :tt2: I'm due for an adjustment with Dr. Liu, but have to put it off cos I can't take the time off from work :sad: sux... but I'm doing well and I'm very happy I'm losing!!:eek:
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

Not too bad...

The last two days haven't been so bad after all. I wasn't very hungry, of course when my sister talked about getting an IslandBurger, I started to shake a bit LOL, but I came through good and stuck to the plan to the letter. Here's the 2 day Clear Diet: Breakfast: Water, Broth, Diet Jell-O (I used sugar free- 10 calories) Lunch: Water, Broth, Diet Jello-O Dinner: Water, Broth, Diet Jello-O   I stuck to strait water too.... All though now that I'm looking at this Ahem...:faint: I notice at the bottom it says A day before suregery, continue clear liquids: (this inclueds apple juice and diet 7 up); drink at least 8 8-ounce glasses of water...Eat nothing after midnight...   YAAAh cos I sure would like some Apple Juice:heh: I'll be leaving to my parents house in a bit. They're driving me to the surgery center in the morning. Thanks for all your prayers!!!
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

My first fill is coming up

I re visit Dr. Liu on the 13th and get my first fill....I'm super excited, my friend Andrea is getting her second on the same day   I also had my first whistle in a lOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOng time the other day. I was wearing some cute sweat pants with a butterfly tattoo along the butt and walked past this cute guy and he whistled That was nice.   I also start Hip Hop Abs on Monday....seems interesting   For my birthday I would like to get a tattoo....I'm finding other ways of rewarding myself instead of food.   God is sooooooooooooooo Good and I want to wish you all a very Happy Easter. For God so loved this world that He gave His only begotten son. So that whomsoever believeth in Him shall have life and more everlasting.   Give your life to Jesus- You won't regret it! :biggrin1: I don't   Love, Desi
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

bouncy bouncy :)

whooo I gotta catch up... been lazy with updates lately... On Oct 25th I was at 208.7 Oct 27: 211 Oct 29: 210.5 I had my adjustment this day. Following my adjustment I caught terrible flu symptoms and started my period... I just felt like YUCK! Stress also didn't help and I was dealing with money issues.... Today is November 8th and I'm down to 204.1   I haven't been eating a great deal... I'm a bit tight :huh2: I need to find a way to stress less and stay on track.:smile2:
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

Fill after a lOOOOONG drought

Finally had my third fill at Dr. Liu's office Was able to meet some really nice and cool people in the waiting room. Dad was so sweet... see this morning I tried to eat a bean and cheese burrito from taco bell, knowing damn well my body doesn't like flour tortillas anymore LOL... well as I'm getting off the car slim everywhere in the driveway... I guess dad was grossed out and worried about his little princess because he insisted on driving with me to Orange. I'm glad he did, it's always nice having his moral support, and Daddy is my favorite man in the world... he was so hungry and we were there for hours! I made it up to him by buying him a nice lunch at Portillos. Me? Well I'm on liquids for two days... I want to try for three, but hey no promises here LOL. I did tell Andre that I don't want to go out tonight... I want to see him, but I'm afraid on liquids... I may be a little bitchy LOL... funny thing is we were just talking on the phone and I kept having to beltch LOL all I've had... since the few bites of that burrito... is water, a little grape juice.. a little lemonade... and chicken broth.... I'm determined.... I'll be cool tonight with just the liquids... then tomorrow I'll up it with some Protein nectar... still liquids.. I so would like to believe that even I can do all liquids on Saturday, but hey I'm going to a theater and dinner event... well I won't be eating much if anything at all. Docs said we're gonna get this next 50 lobs off and gave me an UBER FILL! I'm holding them to it! I'm also holding myself to it and I'm starting from scratch and gonna keep hitting CURVES like a banshee LOL WhooooHOOO!
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

Add it to my file...

I had an appointment with my GP Dr. Saab today. I told him I've been having back pain and skin rashes under my belly... He gave me a prescription for skin cream and documented the rash. He also gave me a perescription for muscle relaxer and pain medicine for the back problems and has referred me out to have physical therapy 3 times a week for three weeks...
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

Day Two Liquids

Yesterday after my fill was alright, but I got a maddening headache and didn't get rid of it until this morning... I'm still on liquids. Of course I have my tomato soup but know what? I wanna chew on something badly LOL! Went to Big Lots with Sam on our lunch break and I bought a little food processor... starting tomorrow i'm on soft foods... so it's puree time! They had a lot of Nutrisystem stuff! :biggrin:Sam and I are very supportive of our goals to continue to lose. She's almost ready to have her reconstructive surgery... I'm hot on her hills, but totally wanna drop another 50 before I even entertain the idea of going under again... My goal for today?:tgif: Drink water and get through the rest of the day without chewing LOL! I'll make it.. I'm a little dawncy so I may skip Curves this afternoon, go home and veg and write in my journal. Tomorrow's a brand new day!:w00t:
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

Wow 222.4!

I wowed myself this morning when I got on the scale. Part because my cycle started last night so I expected my weight to go up. Boy was I surprised when the scale read 222.4! Yesterday was great, I really enjoyed the play and didn't go crazy at the Elephant Bar. In fact I made sure to order the mashed potatoes and ate sllllllooooowwwwlllllyyyyyy LOL Of course I got full fast! I ate a few bites for dinner last nite and while my family chowed on chinese I retired to the serenity of my room to watch Cops! I feel wonderful botom line, even with these cramps LOL
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
 

Good Morning 221.7!

UNBELIEVABLE!   I'm thrilled about the wieghtloss. I've been watching my food intake... the bummer is that I don't think I'm getting my water all in... I mean I am TIGHT I can take sips at a time and I can still feel the tightness of the band around my stomache so there must still be some swelling... Praise the Lord! he fights all my battles and with Him I know this too will be another mountain that will be conquered. My goal is to hit my two-teens by weekend!!! WhooHOOOOO!
Desiree1970

Desiree1970

1
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