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$99 Yearly Supply Alert! 🌈 "1 per Day!" Bariatric Multivitamins

I'm losing it!

A blog by TracieR

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in more ways than one...

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Back on the wagon?

I haven't been on here in a while. I guess it is because I know if I check in here I will be faced with what I am doing wrong. I have gained 30lbs. OMG! I am embarrassed to even write that. But it is what it is. It all started with bad habits creeping back in but I was still working out so my weight stayed at a plateau. Then I had a small procedure on my leg and I couldn't work out for 4 weeks. Well that was it . Stopped working out and 4 weeks turned into 8. Then I had every excuse in the world, It is the holidays, I have to work late, the sky is blue. You know how it goes. So here I sit more than 4 months later. I started back at the gym last week. My legs were so sore. Worse than when I first started at 372lbs. I work out with a trainer 3 mornings a week. I was in so much pain I almost didn't go back. Well I went back this morning and talked to him about it and we focused on arms and cardio. I will be in pain but it is worth it. I will get back 3 mornings this week. I'm also going to focus on the positive. I went to the gym this morning. I'm drinking a protein drink. I drank a lot of water. I started. Today I will vow to eat well. I am starting off my Monday healthy. I'm proud of myself in general but I am also proud of myself because we are going on a cruise next Sunday. In my mind I was thinking, oh just start when you get back. But I didn't I started. I am back and I will be proud of the little things. I one step at a time. This is not a diet! This is my life! I'll be back....Have a great week!

January 21, 2013

4

Day 1 (Again!)

I was one of those people who got restriction quickly and lost a lot of weight quickly at first. 14 months later I am at a stand still. i know it is my fault and my eating habits. It also is that I have not dealt with my head issues. I have an addiction to food. i have had a couple of unfills over the last couple of months due to stuck issues. Yesterday I went in after having 1 cc taken out 3 weeks ago and i gained almost 6 lbs. I wasn't surprised. More surprised that it wasn't more, honestly. I've been an eating machine. I've been drinking sugary drinks, eating ice cream, cake. Anything i wasn't supposed to be. The unfill was like a free pass to eat in my head. UGH!! I have kept up with exercise routine though. It is definitely the reason I hadn't gained more. So yesterday I had .75cc put back in my band. This morning I got up and went to the gym. As I write this I am drinking my protein shake. I have already had 32 oz of water. I am back full force. Tomorrow I made plans with a friend to go to the local hs track to walk and do the stairs. 6lbs scared the crap out of me. It can come back so fast. At that rate I would put back the 130lbs I lost in less than a year!!! I will not do it. I did not put myself at risk to have surgery to be a failure. I will suceed at this. I will be a long term success! I will do it for myself and my family. I am so much happier now. I feel so much better on days when I work out and eat healthy. I just have to take it one day at a time like i did in the beginning. I'm going to post on here daily to keep myself accountable. I will set one goal a day for myself! Today my goal is to find a therapist and make an appointment. I need to work on the head! I'm looking forward to a great weekend!

May 4, 2012

0

Excuses...

I am a broken record. I do well. I screw up. I start over. Is that ok? Is this life? I know I have lost a lot of weight over the last 10 months but I also know it could be more. I used vacation as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted, granted very small portions but still. I didn't get enough protein and other than walking a million miles a day in Disney did not work out at all. As a matter of fact I have not been to the gym since before Christmas. Why? I was so addicted before. I promised myself the week off after Christmas as a gift of sorts for all my hard work. That was stupid. I still want to lose another 80lbs. I have been stuck at 120lbs gone for a while. I didn't deserve a break. I need to keep going. I went to the gym this morning. I felt so good afterward. I wish I could bottle that feeling up and use it as a reminder when my alarm clock goes off at 5am. It really does a world of good physically and mentally. I don't feel guilty during the day that I haven't worked out. I tend to eat better that day. I do my hair and my makeup and put energy into the clothes I pick out instead of throwing on the comfy yoga pants I love. I'm so frustrated. I know what to do but I seem to sabotage myself all the time. Today is a new day. Starting over again.... There is no finish line!!

January 29, 2012

0

Are You Drinking Your Water?

The new year is here. I would assume the gym is busier than ever. I wouldn't know because I have been since last year! I will be there tomorrow though. I am such a lazy bones since the holidays. We are going on vacation next Sunday and in my head I'm like "I 'll get back on track after we get back". Why wait? I will go work out tomorrow and Wednesday and Friday! On another note I am so excited for vacation. We are going to Florida. Visiting the in-laws for a few days and Disney with some friends for a few days. I am so excited for Disney. I am so excited that I am 110+ lbs less. I will be able to keep up with everyone. I'll be able to ride the rides with my son. My feet will hurt less. I already scoped out where the gym is in the resort. My goal is to at least make it there twice during the week. I stocked up on my favorite quest protein bars. I figure I can have a shake for breakfast, snack on my bars in the park and then a good dinner. Save money and eat healthy. I also have to come clean about something. I am the worst water drinker in the world. I really have not been getting my 64 oz a day. I do drink crystal light and decaf coffee. Well, lately I've been getting these really bad pains in my back. I think it is my kidneys. When I get them I stop what I'm doing and try to get down a big glass of water. It seems to help the pain subside. I mentioned it to my doctor. She gave me a script for blood work to check kidney function. I think I was scared straight. I also read up on the benefits of drinking water. It could also account for the dry skin problem I have and a while host of other things that are wrong! So I am on the water drining bandwagon and am aiming for 100 oz per day. This is what I found online.... Top 11 Health Benefits of Drinking Water You will be amazed of the benefits of drinking water as follow: Lose weight: Drinking water helps you lose weight because it flushes down the by-products of fat breakdown. Drinking water reduces hunger, it’s an effective appetite suppressant so you’ll eat less. Plus, water has zero calories.
Natural Remedy for Headache: Helps to relieve headache and back pains due to dehydration. Although many reasons contribute to headache, dehydration is the common one.
Look Younger with Healthier Skin: You’ll look younger when your skin is properly hydrated. Water helps to replenish skin tissues, moisturizes skin and increases skin elasticity.
Better Productivity at Work: Your brain is mostly made up of water, thus drinking water helps you think better, be more alert and more concentrated.
Better Exercise: Drinking water regulates your body temperature. That means you’ll feel more energetic when doing exercises. Water also helps to fuel your muscle.
Helps in Digestion and Constipation: Drinking water raises your metabolism because it helps in digestion. Fiber and water goes hand in hand so that you can have your daily bowel movement.
Less Cramps and Sprains: Proper hydration helps keep your joints and muscles lubricated, so you’ll less likely get cramps and sprains.
Less Likely to Get Sick and Feel Healthy: Drinking plenty of water helps fight against flu and other ailments like kidney stones and heart attack. Water adds with lemon is used for ailments like respiratory disease, intestinal problems, rheumatism and arthritis etc. In another words one of the benefits of drinking water is that it can improve your immune system.
Relieves Fatigue: Water is used by the body to help flush out toxins and waste products from the body. If your body lacks water, your heart, for instance, needs to work harder to pump out the oxygenated blood to all cells, so are the rest of the vital organs, your organs will be exhausted and so will you.
Good Mood: Your body feels very good and that’s why you feel happy.
Reduce the Risk of Cancer: Related to the digestive system, some studies show that drinking a healthy amount of water may reduce the risks of bladder cancer and colon cancer. Water dilutes the concentration of cancer-causing agents in the urine and shortens the time in which they are in contact with bladder lining.
Can you see the importance of water to your body after understanding the above benefits of drinking water? I will report back how the water drinking is going....Good Luck to all for a lighter month!

January 9, 2012

1

Last Day Of 2011...

2011 has been a very up and down year emotionally. I am feeling very blessed for my health and the health of my family. I am so thankful that I finally got over my excuses and had lap band surgery. I am down 120lbs in 10.5 months. I've worked hard and I am enjoying my new life. My son is thriving and so much fun right now - minus the terrible two days! We have our own home and both have jobs. We are very thankful and blessed! We lost my grandmother this year. It was hard but she had a very long and wonderful life! We are thankful for all the years with her. She would have been so happy that I am getting healthy. I miss her! We hope 2012 holds good things for us. We hope to give our son a brother or sister. Everyone keeps saying after losing weight it is easier to get pregnant. So far not true for us, been trying since August, and no luck so far. Trying to give myself a year after surgery before I start freaking out. Hoping my hormones get it together. I will be going to see my obgyn this month to get checked out again. Fingers crossed that this can be an easy road for us. I hope to lose another 60+ lbs to get to the goal I have set for myself. From there I will decide what my final goal will be. Last New Year's Eve I was so miserable and fat. This year I know I will reach my goals. I have to for me and my family! Wishing you all a happy and healthy new year! “Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” Oprah

December 31, 2011

1

Back on track...

Over the last couple of weeks I have been slipping back to old habits. It all started because I got stuck and had to get a small unfill. I was sick for a few days before the unfill and was barely eating at all. When I went in for the unfill I had lost 12lbs since the beginning of October which is a great side effect of being sick. Ummm....not really because once you go back to eating it comes back fast. Add in Halloween, losing my grandmother and that time of the month all at the same time and I have been eating candy and junk everyday and didn't go the gym for 2 weeks. Well, now I am back to real life and went back to the gym Saturday morning and will go tonight! I ate pretty healthy today. A protein shake for breakfast, a piece of a zucchini fritatta for lunch and some almonds for a snack so far. I plan to have fish for dinner before the gym tonight. I am a planner. I need to have a plan to get anything done. Working full time, a 2 year old , a husband, a house, fitting in a work out leaves me overwhelmed if I don't have a plan for things. When I am going to workout, whats for dinner, work appointments, two years olds busy schedule . Sometimes its so much - I give credit to all you out there who get it all done with more kids and things going on. I am getting the hang of it but honestly it is so easy to let me fall by the wayside. I'm not going to do it anymore. I will be at the top of my list and my health will be one of my top priorities. So here I go back on the track.... wish me luck!!

November 7, 2011

0

The good, the bad and the ugly.

I went to Lane Bryant this past weekend to get sized for a new bra. Before beginning this journey I was a size 46 DDD. I am wearing a 44 DDD right now which is way too big for me. So anyway I get sized and she tells me I'm a 46 between a B and C. What? I stood there in shock. I am thinking there is no way I'm a B at all. So she grabs a few bras and I don't even try on the B's. The C's are way too small. I'm spilling out all over and the place. So after going back and forth I buy a 42D which fits well. I'm checking out and I tell the lady the size thing is pretty off. She gets super defensive and starts in that the measurements here are just meant to be a starting point. What? A starting point for what? She also tells me that a 42 D is equivalent to a 46 B-C. Ummmm....no! Weirdo! I don't know why but I was pretty angry when I left there. While I stood in the dressing room stuffed into a way too small bra I fixated on all the loose skin. UGH! I am starting to feel saggy skin. I am working out pretty hard and really trying to get 70-100 grams of protein a day. I am trying not to stress over it. It is what it is. I'll just start saving for plastic surgery! I switched trainers. I was having issues with schedules with my old one. So I joined LA Fitness and start with their trainers tonight. I like it because I feel there is more of an education component to it then I was getting previously. I have learned so much already just from my evaluation. I was working way too hard on my cardio. Bringing my heart rate too high and wasn't burning fat but lean muscle. I had no idea. I thought as long as I am sweating its all good. Now I am aware of what my heart rate should be and that I have to keep it at that rate or below to keep burning fat. I will continue to learn and hopefully share what works for me here in case it can help someone else. I hope it can. I've been way off track with my eating lately. Starting tomorrow I am going to give up any kind of sugar and not eat after 8pm. I think those are my main problems. Night eating and too many sugar cravings. I know the sugar cravings are because I have been eating too much sugar. Sugar begets more sugar. I am trying to break this vicious cycle. This has been the hardest month so far. My exercise has been not consistent due to scheduling and my own laziness. My bad habits have been rearing their ugly heads left and right. I have excuses for my excuses! It all ends today. Back on the wagon right now. I will see 100lbs gone in the next couple of weeks. I will not go back to that 400lb person. I have control of my destiny!

October 4, 2011

3

Bye Bye, Fat Clothes!

I was finally able to throw away (donate) my "first round" of fat clothes. As part of my goal for the month to declutter my garage I went through all my clothes in there and in my room. Boy, I had way too much stuff! Anyway, I got rid of everything that was 3X, 26/28 or bigger. I also got rid of a few 22/24 things. I am kind of in the middle of the 22/24 - 18/20 sizes. I don't think I have been an 18/20 since I was a in college almost 20 years ago. It was an emotional journey. I vowed to get rid of everything, even favorites. Trying so hard not be sentimental for a favorite t-shirt or pair of pants. I will never go back there. I did come across a few things that I haven't fit in in years so that was the fun part. I also kept one or two t-shirts to work out in! At the end of the day it felt great. What have you all done with your fat clothes? I've been having a rough go of it latey. Making poor food choices, making excuses for not working out, drinking calories. Yesterday I started over. Back to no eating out, bringing lunch to work, getting back to the gym. I am going to the gym tonight, tomorrow and Saturday morning. I haven't had a fill since Aug. 4th. I go to the dr. next Thursday - I will definitely get one then. I so need it! I was even thinking last week that I should postpone my appointment by a week to be able to eat at a wedding we are going to over Columbus Day weekend! What was I thinking!! I will go to the Dr. next week as planned. I so need it. I am going on Saturday to buy some new underwear and bras. YAY! I have finally gotten to the point where they just don't even stay up anymore. Maybe even a couple of pairs of pants for work. Right now I am using an elastic hair tie to make the waist tighter. It is pretty pathetic. I just didn't want to buy anything because I am planning on passing this size right by.....woosh! Have a great weekend all!

September 29, 2011

0

What I've learned at 6 months postop.

September 8th was my 6 months "bandiversary". I wanted to document and share my feelings at this point in my journey. I started this whole process at 372 lbs. WOW! I can't believe I let it get that bad. Almost 400lbs. After 6 months I am 90 lbs down and feel good. My weight loss has been great. I definitely have to work hard at it. Honestly, I get so frustrated when I read other peoples posts on here that say how come I can still eat this and that. This is not a magic pill. I have worked my ass off (literally). I work out 5-7 nights per week. I, mostly, follow the rules my doctor gave me. When I don't follow the rules or don't work out enough I don't lose as much that week. Simple as that! It is frustrating but it is my fault. This week I have barely worked out. I have plenty of excuses, super busy at work, my son has me up at 2am every night, run down. But they are only excuses. Last night I sat on the couch and watched tv. I could have worked out but I chose not to. My weight over the last couple weeks have reflected this laziness. It scares the crap out of me that it comes back so quickly - the laziness. I have been lucky in that I have gotten restriction after 3 fills. I feel like I am in a good place. My last fill on 8/4 made me pretty tight. Too tight if I want to be totally honest. When the dr. said would you like me to take some out - I freaked! No way! That is going backwards. I should have let her. The first few weeks of that time I was barely eating, couldn't get my vitamins down and only crunchy carbs were going down. I still lost weight that month but I began to see negative side effects. I am learning now as my weight loss slows that I have to eat healhty. I have to reach my protein goals for the day. I have to take my vitamins. My hair is breaking off like crazy. I recently started taking the biotin and making sure I get my protein in. I was also really constipated for a while. I look back now and see the 4 weeks I wasn't eating healthy really affected me. In only 4 weeks my body revolted. I learned my lesson and now know that being too tight is not the magic thing that will make the weight fall off. It just makes me unhealthy and I lost slower. Amazing what I have learned in 6 months. So I am back on the wagon today. I worked out yesterday, ate healthy and got my vitamins and protein in. Today I came prepared to work for lunch and dinner (have a late meeting). I am embracing the fall as a new beginning. I am also looking into joining a gym. I have been working out by myself and with a trainer this whole time but I need more. I am looking forward to a gym with some great classes and a fun playroom that my son can be in while I am there. Who would've thought I would have been this excited about gym shopping? I do want to share one thing that bugs me.....I was almost 400lbs before I had surgery. 400 hundred pounds!!! Every joint and body part I had ached from just walking before surgery. My knees ached, my arms ached from just holding my son, I couldn't get down on the floor or up off of the floor. I've been reading on here people that say - I can't start working out yet, I have bad knees, I have to lose some weight first. STOP MAKING EXCUSES! You put your life at risk to have this surgery. Don't waste the opportunity you have given yourself. Get up go for a walk, put on some music and dance around your home, get a exercise dvd. I started with a dvd called Heavyweight Yoga - made for heavy people. Just get moving. That is the only way you will ever change your lifestyle. I really believe exercise is what has made me so successful so far. Yes, I know I am only 6 months out. I have changed so much and feel a million times better that I can't even believe that only 6 months ago I was such a mess. It is not a miracle, it is not because I had more weight to lose than most, it is because I work hard and follow the rules. (Sorry, I had to vent.) Anyway, thats me at 6 months post op. Take it or leave it! I know I feel pretty damn good and I want to keep feeling this way so I will continue to work hard for me, for my son and for our family! Have a great day!

September 9, 2011

3

90 lbs gone...

90lbs gone - never to be seen again! It is like losing a super skinny celebrity. Not having to carry around that skinny b--ch anymore!! WOOHOO! Almost halfway there. I want to be under 200 and then I'll decide my final goal. I went yesterday for my monthly appointment. I was down 10.5 lbs since my last appointment on 8/4. I am happy with that but I know it could have been better because I've been slacking a little bit this summer. I'm trying to be happy with that loss becuase I know it is fantastic! On the other hand I worry about old habits slipping back so I am trying to stay on top of it. I am excited for fall to start. I feel like it is a new season to get on the right track and stay there. I worked out last night and I am feeling it today! My legs are so sore but I feel great. At my appointment yesterday I did not to get a fill. I have been so tight since my last one on 8/4. Last night ate the toppings off of a veggie slice of whole wheat pizza and was stuck all night. Stuck while working out = not fun! It did help it pass though. When I got home I made myself a glass of milk with some chocolate protein powder and 3 sips in I had the stuck feeling again. Today I will do soft foods and hope that helps! I have the day off, my mother in law is spending the day with my son and I have an appointment to get a massage and facial later on (gift certificate from Mother's Day). What a perfect day! Hope you all enjoy the last weekend of summer!

September 2, 2011

4

Hurricane Irene Damage!

We live on the water on Long Island. Our house and property made it through with little damage. My diet on the other hand was trashed. I used the storm and having to stay inside as an excuse to eat such junk all weekend! What a mess. I am beginning over today. Back to real life... It is a sunny, cool day today. I am going to clean up all the tree branches, go for a walk, and make healthy food choices. Have a great week everyone!

August 29, 2011

0

Before & During Pictures

Before picture - On cruise February 3, 2011 (one month pre-op) ^This is my most hated before picture. But it does show the most difference, so I am sharing it. During Pictures - Aprill 11 - Almost 1 month post-op (25 lbs gone) June 26 - almost 3 months post op (65 lbs gone) August 2 - almost 5 months post op (75 lbs gone)

August 25, 2011

6

Time is flying by...

I had a great weekend! I took the day off on Friday and went upstate to visit a friend. We took our kids for a walk. It was an uphill 3 mile walk. I am still feeling it today,my calves are killin! I had to go into work on Saturday early for a few hours and then went food shopping and stocked up on tons of healthy stuff for the week. Then I went home and enjoyed some free time. Watched a movie. Sunday morning I took my son and we went on a 4 mile walk. I happened upon a garage sale halfway through and picked up a couple of things for a great deal! I picked up my pace a lot too. I definitely sweated it out! Then we went home cleaned up our backyard, ran some errands and enjoyed the rest of the day together! I feel like I got so much accomplished around the house this weekend, spent some quality family time and got my exercise in too! My husband and I challenged ourselves to not spend any money on eating out during the week. Not a cent - no coffee out, no fast food, no restaurants. Our house is stocked up with healthy choices and we will just have to plan our days to make it work. It is tough for me because I usually eat out during the work week a few times. I try to make healthy choices but I spend too much! So far today has been great, granted it is only 1:20pm but I am off to a good start. Today I had a protein shake before I left the house. When I got to work I had coffee and then my cottage cheese 100 calorie pack. For lunch I am having chicken chili. Tonight for dinner I think I will be making some scallops with couscous. Scallops have become a staple in my life. Love them - high protein, low fat and super easy to cook! So hopefully I have started the week off on the right foot and will keep it up. I'm also really tight yesterday and today. My last fill was on August 4th. I wonder what that is about. I am eating slowly and chew, chew, chewing. Tryng to make sure I get enough protein in. I also have been doing great with my vitamins and pills. I haven't missed a day in over a week! I take a prenatal (my obgyn prescribed because I told him I want to get pregnant within the next year), vit d, biotin, and my protonix (for reflux). I've been taking them in the morning with my protein shake and that seems to work well! I wish you all a great week and to get out there and get movin! It makes all the difference in the world!

August 22, 2011

0

I can do anything for 2 hours!

Today my trainer is finally back! He texted me this morning and told me to be prepared for a kick-ass cardio night. At first I was scared but then I realized I so need it and I can do anythign for 2 housr! I have been so lazy without him. My original plan back in April was: to get a trainer, use him through the summer, get in the habit of it, join a gym and keep up the workouts on my own by the Fall. Him being away taught me I am so not ready for that! I need him to keep me going and motivated. Not only do I get a better workout with him, I also workout more without him. I mean if I see him twice during the week I am more likely to work out more the other days. So now I am going to try out a new plan. I am going to set my alarm for 6:30 and get up and walk/jog 3 miles every morning before work. I am hoping that this gets me exercising everyday. I also hope that it tires me out and gets me to go to bed earlier so that I don't stay up and eat!!! There is a method to my madness! I am writing it here so I am somewhat accountable. I will start tomorrow! On another note: I've been doing really well with food. I have really watched my protein intake and made sure I am taking my vitamins. I wasn't doing too well with those lately! I still am plagued with the night eating but I'm getting better and trying to make better choices. I also need to make sure there are plenty of healthy snack choices available. I am having trouble getting my water in. I am so not a water drinker. This weekend we ran out of crystal light (decaf iced tea), I wasn't in the mood for water so I drank a half gallon of orange juice over the course of the weekend. So ridiculous. I've always been a big soda/sweets drinker so that has always been my downfall. I could easily drink a 12 pack of soda a day in my before lb days. Any of you have any tips for getting your water in? I will post tomorrow how my workout tonight and tomorrow morning goes! Wish me luck!

August 17, 2011

2

Today is a great day!

This morning my husband had the day off and had to go to DMV. He took my son (who is 2) with him and left pretty early this morning to get there right when they opened. I was able to get up and get ready for work ALL BY MYSELF! It was wonderful. To any of you out there who have more than one child and have to be out of the house in the morning I give you so much credit! It is a lot of work to get just him ready - WHEW! I started this lapband journey to lose weight because I want to have another child and be healthy. I was 372 pounds on the morning of my surgery. I was disgusted with myself. I was 35 years old and almost 400 pounds. I wasn't getting my period. My knees and back hurt. I was out of control. Since having the surgery I have been selfish in a good way. My husband and I decided that in order for me to be successful I needed to have time at least 3 nights a week to go and work out. That meant he had to stay home with our son in the evenings and we had to change up our budget. It is a big change in our family. Our before lap-band routine was that my husband got home from work at about 7pm we would have dinner that we usually ordered out for (my son had already eaten) and either my husband would go work out and I would clean up, get my son to bed, lay around watch tv or play on the internet- or my husband was home and we would do those things together. Either way I was lazy and I would continuously snack and drink soda while getting things done around the house. Our routine has changed so much. I now get home from work and cook a healthy dinner for us, play with my son, bathe him and get him to bed. Then 3 nights a week I go over to my friends where our trainer meets us and we work out for a good 2 hours. While most nights I try and think of excuses why not to go - I'm tired, my knee hurts, etc. I go and afterward I feel great! I just push passed those negative thoughts and sweat it all out! (Last night I rode my bike 7 miles!!!) I have been doing this for over 3 months now. My new goal is to do some kind of exercising on the nights I don't work out with the trainer. I'm going to start by just going for a walk after dinner with my family. Maybe opening up those Wii games I have had for years and are still in the boxes! I'm even thinking of borrowing the Insanity DVD's from my neighbor and trying them! (I've also gotten my period regularly for 3 months in a row!) It is so exciting to do things that I just assumed in the past that I couldn't do. I'm willing to try anything. This morning with my free time before leaving for work I took my coffee into the office and looked up where I can rent kayaks. I've always wanted to try that! You know, lately people have been telling me you look great, I don't even care about it really. Honestly, it is a great side effect of the weight loss but I am more so celebrating my new found freedom! My freedom from stress and worry over whether I will fit in the chair, booth, or amusement park ride and my fears that I am not keeping up with the other Mom's at the park. I have the confidence to try new things now. I hadn't ridden a bike in 15 years and now I've ridden 10 miles. We took my son to Sesame Place and I was able to go on the rides with him, I still had to squish a little , but I had the confidence to try where as before I would have made my husband do it. I still have a long way to go - want to lose another 100 pounds but I am on my way. I am slowly but surely getting there and I am so excited. It makes saying no to my favorite cannolis ok. I am definitely far from a perfect bandster but I am living my life far more than I ever was before and I'm loving it! Sorry this post is all over the place just wanted to share my thoughts and they are all over the place too! Hope you all have a wonderful day!

August 10, 2011

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Hi my name is Tracie...and I'm a night eater!

I haven't been a perfect bandster. I'm a night eater. I wait until my husband and son are asleep and I eat bad things. I am such an addict. I tell myself go to bed! At least now it is not the quantity but the quality of what I eat. Chocolate milk, ice cream, peanut butter crackers, any crap I can find. It really is an addiction. I've been doing better and like I said I can't eat too much but I can't stop myself. What can you do but work on it. I am working through it. I try to keep myself busy, clean my house, go online, maybe go for a walk. I definitely have been doing better but it is my nemesis. The good thing I can say is that since getting my band I start over everyday being a good bandster. That has always been my downfall in the past, falling off the wagon and giving up. This tool has helped me not give up. I can't believe it has been 5 months. The first month I wasn't sure I did the right thing. Everyone kept telling me I would feel better once the weight started coming off. Now I'm down about 80lbs and I'm happy with that. Honestly while I know it is good I wish it was more. I'm addicted to losing! I'm trying to switch my night eating habit to a working out habit. I have had a trainer for about 3 months and that has been my saving grace. He pushes me and gets me to do things that I NEVER thought possible! Well for the last two weeks he has been on vacation and I have been on my own. The lazy has creeped back in. He gave me a routine to follow while he is gone and I have only done 2 nights of it. So I guess I learned that I definitely still need the trainer. We'll keep budgeting it until I feel like I can keep it up myself. I did work out last night. Every excuse I can think of ran through my head all day not to go. I went and I am so glad I did. It was hard work but I have no guilt and I didn't eat last night! My goals for this week is to do my routine 3 times (at least). I can do it, I will do it!

August 9, 2011

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