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Dig It Dog

A blog by Tanya_cotto

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Life, Love and Furry Paws

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No Help From Band

So Its been about a week since my last fill. The fill itself was an issue since my port likes to hide from my Dr. I had to be stuck, and then re-stuck a few times before the site was found. Since then I've had these horrible Pb/Slime attacks, and i fear i'm becoming bulimic. No matter what i eat, solids, purees, smoothies, oat meal... It gets stuck, even after long chew periods. It hurts like heck, and i end up having to regurgitate it because of the pain. I feel so weak and tired from the lack of food. I tried a smoothie this morning with some protein powder, but i couldn't even finish 3 oz before it felt like it was starting to slime. Since my surgery i have lost 6 lbs. I am exercising, no soda, no fast food, no candy/sweets lots of water, tea and protein drinks and still nothing! I am starting to regret this whole thing. I'm hungry as heck, but it hurts to eat to the point that i'm scared of food. I'm not losing any weight, but i have these ugly scars I feel like crap. and i'm tired of drinking my meals. I miss Food.

February 5, 2012

8

First Fill, Car Ride and Crying.

Had my first fill. Basically, It sucked and then i cried! I'm a chicken when it comes to needles, but generally I just look away and then i'm fine. Not this time. My surgeon couldn't find my port so he went in and out like 7 times, with no numbing solution/shot/anything, so i felt everything. Half way I started whimpering and tearing up. They tried to give me 5cc, but when i drank water if felt like it wouldn't go down so I ended up with 3.5cc in my band to start. I honestly think I made the surgeon and his assistant (both male) rather nervous with the tears! Ha! I was so emotionally drained by that point that as soon as i got to the car, i started to cry. It doesn't help that I've had my period on and off for three weeks now. Starting a few days post op I've been two days on, one off, than back again. Sucko! Afterwards I class, so i had to drive 10 miles from dr's office to class. I was 1 hr late to a 3 hour class, but i had to leave early. Just felt to worn out. I wish i had had some warning that the first fill might suck! At least it's over now!

October 27, 2011

5

A Tough, Hard Week And Its Only Wed.

So my Granny died this past weekend. My dad's Mom. She had been in the hospital for two weeks with pneumonia and bronchitis. We found out she had lung caner on my dad's birthday (2/7) She had to wear a breathing mask for a week after, until she passed on Sat (2/11) (Aunts B-day) I've been so stressed and tired from school, not eating enough, worrying about my dad's heart, having so many bills and not being able to pay them or find a job. Now to deal with her death, family stress, and on top of everything else, I find out that the burial costs is close to $25,000 cash. Weight wise, I've gained two pounds but I've also been menstruating for two and a half weeks so a lot of it is bloat (I hope) Still having pain when eating or drinking thick fluids Though dark chocolate has no issues going down (Weird eh?) I was supposed to go on vacation this coming week to El Salvador for my cousin's wedding. Had to cancel though since the money had to be relocated. Humbug! This week sucks. So did last week. And next week doesn't look any better. The burial will be on my mom's 50th Birthday! and she was so excited for this one, but again, it will have to be postponed. I feel like such a Debby-downer A hungry downer. And i find i'm now scared of bread and all bread like substances. I have phantom pains when i see hamburger commercials on TV. Told my dad that the only black sweaters i have are faded to grey with holes in them, so they'll fit it at the burial since they're so sad looking. He just cracked up laughing, since its true!

February 16, 2012

4

Dip, Lick And Trying Not To Vomit

So today's meal consisted of Lentil soup But since i can't eat with out regurgitating, i just dipped the spoon in the broth, licked it clean and repeated a few times. took a good 20 mins to "eat" 3 spoonfuls I've been working really hard at it today and i have not vomited yet! Yay! no vomit! Although I did get stuck! Spring break officially over in 2 hours then back to the grind! I have to get my shakes ready and maybe some emergency juice. No food though ;( Oh, how i miss my midday spinach salad with 7 grape tomatoes! mmm...tomatoes. Is it weird that I've been having really funky dreams? Some food related, some just really out there? also, how much should a lapbander be eating? oz wise? how much fluid? carbs? fats? veggies/fruits? protein i know is between 60-80g

April 10, 2012

4

Chickens, Psycho testing and Sarah Palin

So today i had to restructure my chicken coop! Moved the house around, swept up the food crumbs on the floor and cleaned the surrounding area of debris Had i thought that I was going to do this earlier, i would have held off on my shower. But now I'm sweaty, muddy and covered in feather, brush and bugs! Ha! All well, good work out and i still managed to multitask and play with the puppies! I also woke up to take the second part of my psychological testing. Lost of questions that don't really pertain to me ( i.e. all of the substance abuse questions... don't use drugs, legal or not) The Testing apparently has three parts to it, which i didnt know, i really thought that it was just the first appointment. I'm confident though, I know i'm not that crazy! My Netflix arrived with a surprise! Sarah Palin's Alaska! I love reality TV shows like this, Clean, fun, exciting, no "hanky panky" so i can watch it with my dad! While i don't hunt, i liked the fact that she does it to feed her family, not for the sport aspect of it. I'm not saying that i agree/disagree with her politically, but she seems like a genuinely nice person. Good Show, i recommend it. Makes me want to visit Alaska! LapBand wise, Does anyone have a protein powder that they recommend? Right now i'm taking the target brand powder. $18 for lbs of Vanilla with 25g of protein. Taste wise its decent! I like it with orange juice or soy milk. Is it OK to order some from Amazon?? Any good?

June 16, 2011

3

Revision, Set, Go!

So my last Dr's appointment was July 18th 2012 Had a full unfill and a talk with Dr about a revision. got approval last friday Aug 10 Revision date set for August 31 2012. 17 more days!!!! Having Lap band taken out and revising to VSG, or the Sleeve! Hoping to have better Luck with it, and less constant pain! Yay! I have Hope again!!!

August 15, 2012

3

Happy About An Unfill!

I never thought I'd be so happy to get an unfill in my entire life! Basically I've been feeling tight, regurgitating, Sliming, PBing, since about Jan 30th when i got my last fill. I've had no energy, I've gained weight (2lbs) and I've been hurting with the stuck episodes so i finally called in yesterday to my surgeon's office to have an emergency unfill. Sadly, my surgeon was unavailable (Long story) so I saw another doctor within the Oband medical group, and the new Dr. took about about .5 cc (1/2 a cc) out. Boy oh Boy, did it make all the difference! I can finally eat!! (Starting with mushies!!) and Drink!! I'm so happy right now! Pain free and Loving it!

February 18, 2012

3

tired and sore inside and out

I had surgery yesterday and I've been hungry since i woke up from anesthesia! All tv commercials look so yummy! Even the gross sea food looks like something i want in my belly! I'm super tired from walking around IKEA and Target with my mom and grandma, has broth at Sizzler's while they had steak and fish! not fun! I'm so sore at my incision site and my throat is killing me! I'm also so tired and tired of feeling this way! Watching Ruby and Bizarre Foods on Netflix Gas is starting! Bah!

October 2, 2011

3

Lazy in Vegas and Final Weigh In!

I've been in Las Vegas, NV for the last week. and oh boy, it was hard as heck to stay on the wagon. but i did it! from Los Angeles its about a four hour drive, so its drive two hours, take a break grab a snack and keep going. Instead of snacking on chips i grabbed a banana and some coffee, I tried to keep my portions under control but that was a struggle, but i did do a lot of walking in 105 degree heat (at night!!!) Also went to the Grand Canyon (west) and did some hiking, and saw a show! (Phantom Of The Opera! Amazing!) Nice Little Vacation! And My final diet is tomorrow! I'm scared as heck since we're going to submit to the insurance soon after! I wonder how long it will take from tomorrows appointment for the OBand center to submit the paper work? Also how long for a response (Aetna)? Lots of questions, Lots of thinking going on!

August 9, 2011

2

Still

Just took a big sigh before starting this blog. I'm at a loss for words to describe how frustrated i am at myself, the world, the people in the world, and at my band. When i first thought of having this surgery i was like 16 and i had images of getting the band and being best friends with it, holding hands and running on the beach-type of images. If i had only known the massive headache I would have with the band, i would have taken more time then 'the 3 month supervised diet' to make an informed decision. When i had the surgery, i did not even get the band that i wanted. I had researched different brands and sizes, what their results were, their ratings and comments. Day of surgery my surgeon did not even entertain the notion of a choice. Now i'm 9 months out, with a constant headache, stomach ache, achy-aches and not a remarkable weight loss. ALL of my doctors (general, specialist, dental, vision, etc) have told me that i need a revision since i have not lost a dime's worth of my weight. They see it as a joke since i have had no success, my family sees me as a joke since i have had no success. I am the butt of most jokes, the surgery and band have become the butt of all insults with my sister constantly telling me to have another lap-band surgery my parents telling me I've taken the easy way out... And yet I find myself thinking that I'd do it all again. I have not only lost myself, but also found out more about myself in these last couple of months than I have previously. I have had many epiphanies and made many goals. Some accomplished, some still categorized as dreams. I have made friends and lost others. Found new interests and rid myself of self destructive behaviors. I have gone both long and far, stayed on this path and gotten lost on this journey to and beyond the magical place we all call BandLand. I wish in the purest way possible that this journey had taken me on a more direct path to my destination. That the literal pain and anguish suffered had been worth it, but alas, i could have taken a shortcut around those parts. Now that I have to consider a revision, its not much of a consideration at all. I Have to do it. I honestly thought that having the band surgery done was the LAST resort, the one that would save my life from being overweight, unhealthy and unhappy. But that was pure and utter nonsense. Without the revision i'd be stuck with aches and pains ( of which I am having right now both at the top of my pouch and at the bottom of my stomach), With the ridicule (mostly of myself, mostly) of failure, and Stuck at an unhappy-unmoving part of my life. I wish things were easier. But easy has never been all that easy.

June 25, 2012

2

clear liquids, little sleep, getting ready

So my DR. has me on a 2 day liquid diet before surgery tomorrow. Its been HARD! Esp since I have class at night and come home tired and hungry. Made some beans ahead of time and planned on drinking the broth as dinner. Kind of cheated and added 1 tsp of beans (like 5-6 beans) I feel guilty and I caught myself rationalizing it by saying that they're full of fiber so they'd be gone by Friday morning! I know, i know... not good. I've been really anxious and full of apprehensiveness because of this surgery. I'm not getting enough sleep or enough calories/nutrients so i feel like i'm running low. Its worth the price though, being healthy from now on. Cleaning has become my go to distraction. Washed bed linen and body pillow. Broomed and mopped floor took my dog's thing out of my room and put them in the living room Have gatorade and V8 fruit juice freezing Set up meds next to bed on windowsill set controls next to bed took off nail polish set clothing out for tomorrow. Now i just need to find some slip on shoes, though i may just wear my crocs tomorrow! =) Taking a nap now.

September 29, 2011

2

Too Tight, Ruby, And Not Loosing Weight.

Uh! So i got a new fill on Thursday with fluoroscopy i got 1 cc but ended up regurgitating water so .25 was taken out. I was supposed to do two days liquid 2 days soft foods but have barely been able to drink enough liquids to stay hydrated. I've had a headache for 2 days now. I'm calling early tomorrow morning, hoping for a same day appointment for an unfill. I've been re-watching Ruby episodes on Netflix to inspire me to keep at it and not give up, but in reality its been about 6.5 months since my surgery and i'm 4 pounds down. Total is 35pounds down since my heaviest, but still, 4 pounds! I exercise, i eat a low cal - low fat semi-organic diet , I've been working on my garden over the last few years to grow some of my own fruits, veggies and herbs and Still BUMPKINS! I'm so discouraged! I really wanted to be a size 16 by my birthday ( 4-14) But i'm still hovering at a size 20. I don't know what else i can do. My Dr. is talking about waiting another 6 months before considering a revision surgery. I Don't even know if that's something that i want to consider. I'm so embarrassed FML.

April 9, 2012

2

Insurance, fasting and showing my goods

So yesterday was a rather tough day for me. I had a doctor appointment at 2:15, but the office kept getting pushed back. a local freeway had been shut down, so everything was backed up. I wouldn't have minded waiting, but i was fasting so that could do the ultra sound of my heart, lungs and liver. Needless to say, it sucked. I was finally seen at 4:30 for a test that took no more than 20 mins. So Fasting since the night before until about 6pm the next day. no food, no liquids. The test was rather interesting. What cracked me up was that all of these women would go into the office, and come back out slightly askew. And the Dr. doing the test was just acting like business as normal. Idk Thought it was funny. When it was my turn, i had to show my goods in a professional sense. FYI: paper gowns are not my friends. Test went great. Result were good! Not 5 mins after test, i was at Starbucks ordering an ice coffee and a banana! Never tasted anything so good in my life! The paper work will be sent to my insurance for approval next month after all of the paper work is complete. Please pray that it goes through quickly!

June 12, 2011

2

School Is Stressful, Weight Loss Is What It Is!

I have a test everyday, in every class this coming week! I'm trying to focus on my animal anatomy and physiology class and lab since those are the toughies! but my animal and zoonotic diseases class is hard as well, so is my animal care class! Ha! I should be studying, but i'm a procrastinator! Weight loss is what it is, I need to get to the gym more, i need to introduce a bigger variety of foods to my diet, i need to restart measuring my food instead of eye balling it i need to stop being afraid of certain foods since my unfill will allow them to pass with out pain! I need to do a lot of things!!!!!!! I should think about getting a social life but i have too much to do! and too many distractions already! Ha!

March 11, 2012

2

cooking, motivation, and watching tv

I've noticed that i'm becoming more hesitant to cook for myself and my family as I've been going through the process and learning about the ins and outs of weight loss. I'm saddened by this because i love to cook. cooking, baking, sauteing, grilling, etc.. etc... I don't know if it's part of my addiction to food, the way I've been educated about food, the way I've been brought up, or just part of my personality. Bah! I've been on summer vacation for a while as well as doing a summer internship at a vet/pet hospital. Summer's in full swing, but my internship is coming to an end which worries me since the internship keeps me moving and active. Since I'm not working right now, and not in school, i end up sitting or lying around literally doing nothing. With the invention of Netflix on my PS3 i'm able to support this lazy attitude quite easily. What i have found motivating on Netflix are a few shows. 'Heavy' as well as 'Hoarders' keep me moving since i don't want to end up like the people on those shows. I really need to find a job are refocus my life before i fall of the wagon completely. As it is, it feels like i'm barely holding on. Might just be the PMS that's making me feel lazy and tired. Note to Self: Get over it! =)

July 26, 2011

2

Second Fill, Anxiety And A Shaved Dog.

So, I had my second fill this morning. It was not bad at all, actually very fast! I can still feel the injection site, but at least I didn't cry this time! ha! The only trouble i had was with my anxiety. Since I still remember my first fill and all that drama, I got so worked up that my throat started getting tight. That really makes it hard to drink down the water after a fill. But I plowed through it (Thanks to the liquid Tylenol i took before hand) After the fill, i get home only to find that my mom's little chihuahua Phoebe has been scratching her back so roughly, that she has a nasty cut! I had to hunt down a dog grooming set to shave down her bum (so the dirt and dander don't stick to the hair, and so the area can breathe and heal) I also had to put this smelly ointment on her bum to disinfect the area. Basically, I had a procedure and then I gave one! Oh silly medical day!

December 4, 2011

1

Its Official

Its Official, I have been De-banded. Unbanded? Evicted from Bandland? whatever you want to call it, I'm here sitting on my bed, recovering from VSG surgery (26 days post op) without a band in my body. I've started a blog on the vsgtalk website http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/user/12946-luphoe/ so we can continue this conversation there. I'm so proud of everyone I've met on this journey, through this site, my September band-mates, as well as everything that i've learned. I'm still around for questions and convos just at a new location. Good luck to all my friends, old new and those i haven't met yet.

September 26, 2012

1

Third Unfill, -1.5Cc!

Yesterday I had an appointment to have an unfill, and it couldn't have been too soon. They took out approx. 1.5 cc's and i haven't felt better since mid January. Dinner Yesterday was the most I've eaten (about a full cup) since January. It was my third unfill and these are the reasons i decided to deflate: 1. My hair was falling out 2. My nails were flaking off 3. I wasn't sleeping 4. I wasn't able to concentrate 5. I wasn't loosing weight 6. i was getting stuck, slimming, PBing everyday 7. I had started vomiting (the dangerous kind) 8. I wasn't happy and most importantly 9. I was developing a food phobia. While it may seem ideal for an overweight person to have a food phobia, it had gotten to the point where i would have only have massive amounts of coffee in a day. Maybe a sugar free fat free vanilla pudding (60 cals) or 1/2c tomato soup (90 cals) I stopped functioning, i would cry at the thought of eating, my bm's where nonexistent, and i had fallen down more than once. I'm still having this internal battle because part of me still doesn't want to eat (because getting stuck sucks and hurts) and the other part thinks with the amount of fill I had removed, i should overeat to make up the nutrients that i'm missing. (Basically Binge) I've been a good girl though, Ate dinner last night, but am trying to convince myself to eat some breakfast/lunch. I'm still scared but more willing to try some foods. Before the unfill i was tight until 4pm then i'd end up eating too close to bedtime. So i need to start earlier in the day. i'm looser now so i shouldn't be overly tight in the morning, just more-restricted. I still have some hurdles in front of me, but as the Brit's say i'm going to "Give it a Go" until everything is alright.

May 4, 2012

1

Tests, Exams And Horse Bones

In the words of Lucy Ricardo, I feel so "Blah"! Its Tuesday night and I'm down two tests and a quiz I have one more test this week, tomorrow actually, and I am terrified. I need to know the entire skeletal structure of the horse, cow, humans and dogs. I also need to know the joints and what this all looks like on radio-graphs. My exam for tomorrow is 2 hours long, about 100 questions, and a few wrinkles on my face! I'm so mentally exhausted! And i find myself wanting to do some stress relieving shopping since i need a new swimsuit, but I'm still in between sizes and going down ( yay!) so that I don't want to spend $60+ on a swimsuit that won't fit very well or for very long. Its frustrating! I want to be frugal about this purchase, but at the same time i need something that will hold the girls up! (Sad story, at the gym these guys were referring to me as 'grandma' since my bathing suit was sagging in all the wrong places! I'm only 24! Sadness! ) Weighing not only myself, but the pros and cons of making clothing purchases. If only i could sew better and had a pattern, i'd make one myself!

March 14, 2012

0

I Can Eat! (A Little)

So i had an unfill that made me very very happy (although the Dr. looked pissed i asked for one (( not one on profile, other Dr.))) I still regurgitate at least once a day, but i am able to eat real food, but only after about 3:30pm, before then i get stuck. Tried oatmeal this morning, able to get about 1/3c down before i slimmed. Had an accident at the movie theater (described below) that has left me bruised and battered, so walking is an issue, much less working out! bah!! Story: You know when you walk up the stairs in the movie theater? picture the first seat next to the aisle. right behind the seat (or the back of the seat) next to the stairs is a small triangle shape where the seat doesn't fit all the way. yeah that spot, right there... So, i'm walking up said stairs and i take a miss step only to have my leg (up to the top of my knee) fall through that triangle. its a very small triangle for a 5'3 249lb woman. i didn't touch the ground because my fat stop me. My leg is bruised from my calf to my knee. the joint is swollen and it still hurts to walk. And i'm convinced that if i had not been wearing my cowgirl boots my ankle, leg or knee would have been fractured or broken. Yeah, FML

April 17, 2012

0

Baking, Cleaning and food withdrawls

So I've been taking protein shakes in the morning per my doctors request. So far, just by adding that to my lifestyle, I've found that i have way more energy, and I've also lost about 6 lbs It hasn't been so hard, now i just drink my breakfast when before i would just skip it. I guess my body has come to expect the effects of the protein in the morning, because i skipped it the day before last, and i felt super hungry and tired, as well as irritated! Bah! But now i'm getting tired of drinking and want something more solid. My solution was to make some organic Corn bread with the protein powder mixed in. I have free range chickens, so i used there eggs with some fresh corn meal that i got at the farmers market, some organic flour and the powder replaced the sugar. used applesauce to replace the oil/butter and added blueberries from my garden! Threw it all in my bread machine and out came a delicious product! Yummers! Had a small helping with my coffee! Right now i'm on summer break, and already i am bored out of my mind! I've been gardening, building and playing with my animals, but that is only interesting for a portion of the day. I've started playing a computer game but its addicting, so i have to make compromises with myself! I.E.. if all of my (self-imposed) chores are done, i can play for 1 hour Then i have to Clean the kitchen! Afterwards i can play for 30 mins Then i clean the living room! and make my bed! before bed i normally play another hour. I want to incorporate some exercise into this plan so that i can get off my bum and do something!! Yesterday i took my grandmothers Rabbit (Moi) to the Vet's to have him neutered! I drove by a Grocery Outlet and couldn't resist a quick trip! They have a lot of products for a lot less that a normal grocery store. I used to love this store when i was living in Sacramento, CA and in college, that said, I practically ran in, first I picked up some hanging baskets, a basil plant as well as a bag of fresh tomatoes then i saw it! The aisles of frozen foods/processed foods/sugary sweet foods that got me through those late nights studying and writing papers. I had the urges to stock up of frozen burritos, chips, cookies, kid themed cereals, pop tarts, and other bad bad foods. The Urge was so strong, but i kept reminding myself that those foods would taste so good for about 2 mins, then i would feel like crap and gain weight, the i'd end up eating more because i'd feel like crap and the cycle would start again! Bah!!! I grabbed myself by the collar, and with every person i saw in the store, i told them ((**In My Mind**)) To keep me away from those foods! It worked! When i found myself drifting back to those aisles and browsing, I'd imagine the mom telling me to set a good example for her kids, the grandpa telling me how those foods had let to his health problems and the other heavier set people telling my to be brave and walk away! Its silly and sounds strange, but i talked myself out of buying those foods. I ended up with my original products and a bottle of wine. I never knew that when i started this journey that I'd be battling with myself so fiercely to stay on the right track! LOL Oh me oh my! I'm definitively ready to change my life!

June 17, 2011

0

Bah! The waiting game!

So the initial appointments and the screening were moving fast! Once a week i had like 2-3 so it felt super productive But as time rolls by I'm getting tired of waiting Waiting for my insurance for the other appointments for my "diet" to finish for summer school to start etc etc... I'm trying to keep myself occupied but that's not very easy! I'm building up my chicken coop and laying down some grass for them. Cleaning Playing computer games Trying not to shop (too much) and watching Dog the Bounty Hunter I really need to start going to the beach with my dog. No Joke She's over weight as well. I'm not the only one to blame though, grandma likes to give her lots of loving and treats. I need some encouragement some inspiration something to keep my busy.

June 21, 2011

0

Summer Time

Summer is here! The flowers are blooming, the marine layer is up and its time to clean out the garage! My dad and i basically share a renovated garage. I keep spare items in there fabric, art supplies as well as my dogs things Over the years the garage has gotten stuffed with useless things, old paint, seeds gardening tools etc... now that the sunshine is out i'm going to bust some dust bunny butt! I actually find that giving myself these projects are distracting me so that i don't end up in the kitchen looking for a snack! Much fun!

June 23, 2011

0

Happy Times!

I've been going over my blog entries and i realized that i have been so miserable and mopey. i could barely stand myself. Just looking back makes me realize that having been overly filled was such a huge mistake that affected me in ways i didn't even notice. Its been 2 days since I had that Huge (to me anyways) unfill, and all the colors are brighter, the day is nicer, and my outlook is happier. I actually had breakfast this morning. Well, it was a small homemade tortilla, but to me that's a huge step forward. I also had a steaming mug of Coffee, but that's nothing unusual. Going to the gym seems like a good idea, but going to the beach with my dogs sounds way better! Still going to run, just a nicer setting!

May 5, 2012

0

Bored Cooking, Chefs On Tv And The Olympics

So this whole summer break is very boring. My car is unavailable to me for the next two weeks, so i'm stuck at home, watching daytime TV and since i have never had cable, or satellite TV, that means lots of talk shows and cooking shows ( the chew, Lidia's Italy Kitchen America, etc...) Basically I've been making some of the recipes i see, Just making them healthier, more organic, less fat. ,more yum. Today I made an Organic Corn soup. Added Carrots and basil from the garden. Was DElicious, used milk instead of cream or a heavier cheese. Made Tortilla soup last night. Onions, cilantro and tomatoes from the garden, plus garlic and chicken bouillon. I'm not really eating all that much more since I got the unfill, but i feel so much better that i did a month ago. Also been watching the Olympics! (( GO USA!!)) And i find that when i watch sports i'm familiar with ( soccer, boxing, swimming, biking, etc) My muscles tend to twitch. Like when i was watching the Men's Bike race, my legs where twitching when they would go up hill, my hands would reach from the brakes... in swimming and water polo my arms are stretching out. lol i'm feeling so silly.

August 1, 2012

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