Yesterday I went shopping to make myself feel better, retail therapy is my new addiction, it always makes me feel good. My clothes are starting to get a little big again and it makes me feel better when I can buy something new that may be just a little bit smaller. Well here's how it went, I took several dresses into the dressing room ranging in sizes from 12 to 16. For all of you who don;t know me I started this journey wearing a size 24 womens. Now I am only 5'1" so I was pretty round. Not sure why I thought I could were the 12 but I just wanted to try it. I did get the dress on but the look was just not me. Now if I had wanted to add some 4 inch heels and work a street corner the dress may have worked. Sorry about that visual but sometimes it helps if I can laugh at my self. I did find two really cute dresses after trying on about 8 or 10. For some reason I thought I bought size 16 in both dresses but to my surprise when I was taking the dress off tonight, yes I had to wear it to work today, I noticed it was a size 14. Wow, I have not had a size 14 on in years. Still need to get on the stick and exercise. I have also developed a bad habit lately I need to break, eating almonds. I think they are my new substitution for salty snacks, so I threw them out tonight. I found my self grazing on these off and on and this is not something I want to start. My husband gets a little frustrated with me when I start throwing away the food in the house but if I don;t think I can trust myself, in the trash it goes. I know that sounds silly but I gotta do what I have to to remain true to myself and this journey. I will not allow myself to fall back into bad habits. I spent way to may years lying to myself about what I ate and never told anyone. I used to stop off at McDonald's and eat a snack on the way home from work and then come home and eat dinner. My addictive thinking was if no one saw me eat it, it did;t count. Well let me tell you that will get you a few pounds overweight real fast. Like I said last night, old habits die hard and we do what we need to do to develop healthy habits.
Everyday is a new day and everyday I love the new me that is blossoming from within. My success is all on me, I have been given the tools I just need to continue to apply them.
How many days does it take to break a habit?
A post from the internet: I always hear the statistic that it takes six weeks to make or break a habit. That may be true in cases like turning off the porch light in the morning, but I haven't had the same success in life when it came to overcoming various destructive habits of mine.
Often I gut it out through those six weeks only to either give up, or quit that habit but replace it with something just as bad. I likened the experience to a stress-ball. I squeeze it really hard in my hand, and it may even squeeze through my fingers. Did the material in the stress ball disappear? Nope. What happens when I release the ball? It all goes back right where it was before.
Compulsive and/or destructive habits seem to work in the same way. Why does it seem that every time we identify a bad behavior in our life and work to chop it down, that another takes it's place almost immediately?
That is because we are attacking the evidence that there is a problem, not the problem itself. Identifying the root issue takes time, but it is well worth it. When I say "time", I'm talking about anywhere from a year or more.
That's correct – to truly break the root cause of your destructive habits or addictions will take at least one year. Don't despair though, because that can and will be a very good thing.
I am seven months post op and there are still some days when my eyes do not listen to my brain. For me I think food and eating is no different than anyones, addictive habits, mine was just legal and more acceptable to society. But honestly is it? I wake up each morning and remind myself that this is a journey and I did not wake up Fat one morning but did this to my self one forkful at a time. I am trying so hard to break old habits and develop healthy ones. My scales have not moved for several weeks now, this happens to me every time I drop into a new set of numbers. I know hat I need to do is exercise, I sometimes wish that people would tell me I was fat instead of "You look great!" I need the push to make me do what I know I need to do. Today I went to see my family doctor, we discussed my BP meds, I take 3. My BP was 128/80 for me this is awesome. I used to be consistently 140-150/90-100 on meds and over 200 without. We discussed reducing my meds, I told her I would like to drop 20 more pounds before we do this. I think part of me just wanted to make sure I was going to be successful. Kinda like been here before but didn't stay. So to all of us our their trying to develop new habits and change old ones, Good Luck!
Celebrated my wedding anniversary this weekend. We went to dinner theater to see " You can't make this $^@! Up at the Café and Then Some in DT Greenville. We had a great time, I did appetizer and a salad and had a few bites of my husbands dessert. It was yummy! They served us Champaign, only one sip for me, way too many bubbles. One drink and I burp like a sailor, too funny. It was a great celebration of 18 years. No weight loss this week, but I learning to listen to my body and making good choices. My challenges are exercise, I have to make more time for exercise, I need to do this on a regular bases and I have not been good at this. I have 40 lbs to go and these are going to be the hardest 40. I bought a tread mill for Christmas but I just have not been good at using this. I am going to challenge my self to do some type of exercise this coming week daily for 40 minutes. So here goes, starting tomorrow, Monday June 12, I Diane will exercise 30 minutes a day and blog about my exercise every night. Keep me honest bloggers, I gotta do this if I want to move that needle. I would like to be at 175 by the first of July. I am at 183 today so I gotta some work to do.
Well it's Sunday evening and I am pleased to say I made it through the weekend without any issues. I went to a web site of a hospital here in SC, MUSC and they had a few neat tools for Lap Band patients. I down loaded the forms so I could keep track of my food and check it off. They also had a nice shopping list and lists of types of protein we should be eating. I have done good with my weight loss and in the beginning I used the Lap Band web site to record my food diary but after I returned to work I was not as consistent. It is hard to stay honest with eating for me unless I write down every bite I put in my mouth, today I did this and when it came time for dinner, I realized I only had 3 protein servings left, 1 Vegetable serving and 1 Fruit serving. So dinner was Grilled Shrimp and a small salad. I still had all of my fats so I added salad dressing to my salad. It was yummy! I exercised both yesterday and today so check for exercise. All in all this has been a good weekend but I am so glad it is over. Well off to do homework, been procrastinating this all day. Ugh!
Sometimes I really hate weekends. Weekdays are so much easier to stay focused and on program, you are always busy with work or scheduled activities and I never think about eating or worry about snacking. But weekends need to be as full so my brain does not drift back to the grazing mode and the little devil lurking in the shadows does not win by saying, "Just take one bite, one bite won't hurt anything." Yeah right, one bite got where I was 7 months ago. So today I decided to emulate my daily activities of my usual morning routine and kick it up a notch. Up at 6am, showered and got dressed, minus the make up, it is Saturday you know. Mixed my unflavored protein in 2ozs of water and off to star bucks for my Triple Granda Skinny Caramel Macchiato, Total count of 18ozs at 240cal(calories for protein powder-24 gram protein and 140 calories for drink with 11 grams protein) Breakfast total 35 grams protein. Drive to the dog park with Lexis and do a few laps. Now Lexi thinks this morning was all about her and we will let her think that but actually it was really all about me needing to exercise and get my coffee fix on. Lots to do this weekend, need to complete a school assignment on Linear Equations! (yuck ) First I have to read the chapter so I can even discuss what a linear equation is. Duh...........Laundry..clean house, etc..etc..etc... I live such an exciting life.
As a side bar update, I did keep my challenges I made to my self on "No Regrets " Wednesday's post. I parked my car at the furthest point from the hospital, and I walked to my office. Mitch the shuttle driver looked at me and said, "What's up you don't want I ride today!" So I stopped and explained my new goals to him and he just smiled and drove on. I managed to only take the elevator once on Friday and that was to the 10th floor, up town 3 and 4 flights I was OK with but I decided, heels and 10 flights was pushing it a bite for a Friday.
I have decided that I am going to use this blog to keep me honest and true to this journey. I have this little OCD thing about writing things down, if I write it down and check it off I am more likely to comply. It is hard to ignore what is in black and white under your nose. So I don't go back to my MD for 4 months, (very scary thought to me). That is unless I need a fill, or start feeling hungry I am suppose to call and make an appointment. I though on Thursday when he told me this. OMG, you are trusting me for 4 months to stay on track, you are my mentor, my honesty guage. As long as I was going to see him every 4 weeks or so and I knew I had to face him and the dreadful scale I had to stay on program. So Mr or Mrs blog and bloggers you are my new honesty guage. I am pledging to all my blogger friends out there I am using all of you to keep me honest. So don't let me down. Ask me questions, keep me honest, challenge me. WE will not fail, We will stay on track and focused. WE will over come all obstacles and be SUCCESSFUL! Go Team! Always wanted to be a cheerleader.
I started this journey 7 months ago and yes it has been a journey. I had my appointment with my surgeon today, it was 4 weeks post a fill and slight unfill of .4 cc's. I had lost 10lbs since my last visit. I am down 56lbs since surgery now and have dropped from a size 24 to a size 14. I really am enjoying the new me, I went to the beach last week and actually was not embarrassed to wear a bathing suit. My husband and I had so much fun, it was great not to feel short of breath or have the pain in my knees I had the summer before. We road bikes, walked on the beach and had a wonderful time. It is the first time I can actually say I went on vacation and actually lost weight not gained weight. But back to my journey. This journey has had it's ups and downs, I have had to learn to listen to my body and what my band is telling me. Eating early in the morning is just not an option for me, I drink protein. I have learn to be creative with my protein drinks and use unflavored in my coffee or lattes from Star Bucks and call this breakfast. Unfortunately I was one of those people that thought weight loss surgery was a cop out, but believe me I have changed my opinion. This has been one of the hardest journeys of my life. It truly makes you learn to make healthy choices or pay the price. I have paid the price along the way when I have tried to eat pizza or pasta. Yes I can eat them but it is a painful process and they sit in my stomach like a piece of lead as the digest. I have found new loves, vanilla protein shakes with peanut butter powder, I consider this a treat, a little crushed ice to make it thick and I think I am drinking a milkshake. Yummy! One of my favorite desserts has always been German Chocolate Cake, last week I found, chocolaty coconut, Biggest Losers Protein Bars. I told my husband, you know you have crossed over to the other side when a protein bar is the best tasting thing you have eaten for a while. He thinks I am crazy most days, but is one of most devoted supporters. Life post lap band surgery is truly a journey and a new beginning to a better life. I ask my self daily, why did I wait so long to do this, I could have been so much further than I am. But honestly I was not ready emotionally. The emotional part of weight loss is probably the most difficult for all of us. I mourned the loss of food in the beginning and really did not realize how much I had used food as a coping mechanism until I could no longer use it as a crutch. Food has much less importance in my life now, I see it as nutrition for my body and not something to run to when I am frustrated. My family sometimes has difficulty dealing with my honesty and so do co workers, but if it is between me binging or purging my thoughts, the thoughts are coming out. I have learned in order to be successful in this journey, I must listen to my band and not to the emotional eater that hides in the shadows waiting for me to let my guard down and find a weak place in the armor. I will not fail in this journey, this is for me, I do love the new me and I love the commitment I have made to myself to give this journey 100% of my ability to succeed. As I continue I need to challenge myself to increase my exercise. Actually I need to get off my butt and exercise daily. I am making a pledge to myself today to increase my activities by taking the steps instead of the elevator, walk from my car to my office instead of taking the shuttle, spend 20 minutes each day doing some type of physical activity. I will be successful in this journey!
