Well I hope all my friends are doing well. I have spent the morning reading and trying to catch up on how everyone is progressing. I noticed I had not posted since November of last year: why, not sure. The holidays came and went with no major issues, I got a GI bug before Christmas and learned I could truly vomit after being banded and it was not a pleasant experience. I learned that even with a band Thanksgiving and Christmas can be very challanging holidays. Who does not enjoy the smell of fresh baked cookies and pies and lets not forget about that wonderful dinner with all the sides. My family was a little disappointed because I chose not to bake, but why tempt a former fat person. I may have learned alot over the past year but I still love food and I love the wonderful traditions that I have enjoyed since I was a child so I decided to let my daughter do the baking for the family, they live 4 and half hours away so they were not in my easy reach. Early in January I started to notice that I was not staying as satisfied between meals, I would eat my portions but I could usually down my portion in about 10 minutes. I knew this was not good but hated the idea of getting a fill. Any of you that have followed my blog know that I have not had but a few fills but my last one resulted in an overfill and an unfill before they got it right. Multiple sticks later I was back in the green zone again. Well I went to see my surgeon the second week of Jan and had my 3rd fill on Jan 30th. What an event, I had an esphogeal spasm when he pulled the fluid out of my band," it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest." But I survived and the past week has been as fun as I remember, that is where Wow, it;s like starting over comes in. My first thought after this fill was, "Why can I not just learn to control my hunger so I don't have to go through this." 48 hours of clear liquids, than advance to soft than to solids. It has taken me 7 days to advance back to solids and it is really small amounts, about 2 ozs every 2-3 hours. I had to go back to the protein drinks to get all my protein in for a few days. I thought I might be too full, but I can pass liquids easily and solids if I chew them well. I think I had been a little more unrestricted than I thought for quite sometime and had become comfortable with managing my portions on my own. I lost 7 lbs last week but have finally leveled off maintained for the past few days, I am gradually adding solids back into my diet and cutting back on the protein drinks. So I guess this past week I have learned that this truly is a life long journey! Never give up and stay true to your self and you will be successful.....................
Have you ever really sat down and wondered how you got to this point in your life? You know how did you end up on a blog pouring our your inner most feelings to strangers. Well I know how I got here, how about YOU? I got here by lying to myself, telling myself that if no one saw me eat it, it did not count. I got here, by snacking on unhealthy foods, potato chips, candy bars, ice cream, soda, alcohol, bread, snack food, snack food, snack food. I got here by always making excuses as to why I ate something, why my diet failed. It was a dinner, a party at work, an outing with friends, I could cheat just once because, I COULD CONTROL THE BINGE! Well guess what I LIED, How about you? Have any of you ever lied to your self that you were in control? I did then and I do now and you know what I probably always will unless I learn to call myself on every morsal I put in my mouth that does not belong there. Have you ever wondered why the people who are successful are successful with lap band and weight loss surgery or diets? Why, because the follow the rules 99.9% of the time. I am not there yet, I still back slide, and I still beat myself up and promise I won't do it again. Why I am where I am today? I had to have surgery on my knee and this was just all the sympathy I needed for myself to start lying to myself. No I have not gained any weight but I have eaten things I know I cannot control. So I have spent countless hours trying to figure out how to make up for what I ate, so I'm hungry most evenings, not satisfied with my choices and feel like crap. Oh but it's OK. right, I had surgery, it is OK to allow myself a few days off for good behavior? WRONG, that is the thinking of an addict, an addict who has slipped and is lying to themselves again. Believe me I know what I eat, I log every morsal I place in my mouth, I am not eating enough protein, and I consistently eat too much fat. I have been trying to eat 40-30-30 and it ends up more like 40-20-40. (Carbs-Protein-Fat)So why am I bloging this today, because everyday I read about how one of us is doing good, one of us has back slide and one of us is searching for the right answer. We can not help each other or support one another if we do not hold ourselves and each other accountable. I need someone to call me on my bad behavior, I may not like it but, what good does it do me if I am allowed to continue back down a path of destruction. What good does it do any of us? We all made a decision or are making a decision to have surgery to help us control what we were not able to. So why sabotage our selves? Why go through all the physiological evaluations, jump through all the insurance hoops if we are going to continue to lie to our selves. I am nearing my one year anniversary this month, maybe that is what prompted this blog. I have lost 74 lbs and still have 34 lbs to go by the height and weight charts. I have been stalled for months; most days I eat right on target, I have restriction or "I am at my sweet spot" I have thought about a fill just so I eat less but know that is not the answer. So what is the answer? I guess that is a personal answer for all of us. To me the answer is learning to live a healthy life, make healthy decisions every waking minute of my day. To me it is hard wiring or rewiring my thinking so it becomes natural and not a daily chore. To me it is not allowing unhealthy foods into my shopping cart or on to my dinner table. I may not be able to control what my family eats but I can control what is brought into my house and I have a Rights. I have the right not to subject myself to unhealthy atmospheres, friends or family who do not support my choice to make a healthy life for myself. This may sound harsh but I have to be committed to this because every corner I turn there is someone or something there that if I allow it, it will help me to sabotage myself. So friends, take inventory of your life and YOUR cupboards because no one but US is going to help US make it.
So my question when I started this rant,"Why do we sabotage ourselves?" So why do "YOU" sabotage yourself, do you know?
Sometimes I really hate weekends. Weekdays are so much easier to stay focused and on program, you are always busy with work or scheduled activities and I never think about eating or worry about snacking. But weekends need to be as full so my brain does not drift back to the grazing mode and the little devil lurking in the shadows does not win by saying, "Just take one bite, one bite won't hurt anything." Yeah right, one bite got where I was 7 months ago. So today I decided to emulate my daily activities of my usual morning routine and kick it up a notch. Up at 6am, showered and got dressed, minus the make up, it is Saturday you know. Mixed my unflavored protein in 2ozs of water and off to star bucks for my Triple Granda Skinny Caramel Macchiato, Total count of 18ozs at 240cal(calories for protein powder-24 gram protein and 140 calories for drink with 11 grams protein) Breakfast total 35 grams protein. Drive to the dog park with Lexis and do a few laps. Now Lexi thinks this morning was all about her and we will let her think that but actually it was really all about me needing to exercise and get my coffee fix on. Lots to do this weekend, need to complete a school assignment on Linear Equations! (yuck ) First I have to read the chapter so I can even discuss what a linear equation is. Duh...........Laundry..clean house, etc..etc..etc... I live such an exciting life.
As a side bar update, I did keep my challenges I made to my self on "No Regrets " Wednesday's post. I parked my car at the furthest point from the hospital, and I walked to my office. Mitch the shuttle driver looked at me and said, "What's up you don't want I ride today!" So I stopped and explained my new goals to him and he just smiled and drove on. I managed to only take the elevator once on Friday and that was to the 10th floor, up town 3 and 4 flights I was OK with but I decided, heels and 10 flights was pushing it a bite for a Friday.
I have decided that I am going to use this blog to keep me honest and true to this journey. I have this little OCD thing about writing things down, if I write it down and check it off I am more likely to comply. It is hard to ignore what is in black and white under your nose. So I don't go back to my MD for 4 months, (very scary thought to me). That is unless I need a fill, or start feeling hungry I am suppose to call and make an appointment. I though on Thursday when he told me this. OMG, you are trusting me for 4 months to stay on track, you are my mentor, my honesty guage. As long as I was going to see him every 4 weeks or so and I knew I had to face him and the dreadful scale I had to stay on program. So Mr or Mrs blog and bloggers you are my new honesty guage. I am pledging to all my blogger friends out there I am using all of you to keep me honest. So don't let me down. Ask me questions, keep me honest, challenge me. WE will not fail, We will stay on track and focused. WE will over come all obstacles and be SUCCESSFUL! Go Team! Always wanted to be a cheerleader.
Well it's Sunday evening and I am pleased to say I made it through the weekend without any issues. I went to a web site of a hospital here in SC, MUSC and they had a few neat tools for Lap Band patients. I down loaded the forms so I could keep track of my food and check it off. They also had a nice shopping list and lists of types of protein we should be eating. I have done good with my weight loss and in the beginning I used the Lap Band web site to record my food diary but after I returned to work I was not as consistent. It is hard to stay honest with eating for me unless I write down every bite I put in my mouth, today I did this and when it came time for dinner, I realized I only had 3 protein servings left, 1 Vegetable serving and 1 Fruit serving. So dinner was Grilled Shrimp and a small salad. I still had all of my fats so I added salad dressing to my salad. It was yummy! I exercised both yesterday and today so check for exercise. All in all this has been a good weekend but I am so glad it is over. Well off to do homework, been procrastinating this all day. Ugh!
Well bandster family, I hope many of you took the time yesterday to spend Valentines Day with someone you love and who has supported you. I got up early yesterday, 5am and baked Valentine's for my wonderful Husband, Son and staff. I made vanilla cupcakes with marshmallow cream center, butter cream frosting and decorated with edible glitter and hearts and kisses. Now I know my friends here are saying, WTF is wrong with Diane, she is suppose to be making better choices. I love to bake and I believe it is OK for me to have a taste of something sinful like a cupcake once in a while. It is only a problem if I bake and eat the whole recipe. Actually I enjoyed less than a quarter of a cupcake and I was very satisfied. Tonight I want to share what a wonderful Valentine's Day I had with my hubby, we got all dressed up and went out to dinner and a comedy show at a place here in our local town of Greenville, SC. "Café and then Some" and saw a show called "Life after Oprah" I have never laughed so hard. We joined our best friends, my girl friend had a gastric sleeve about 6 months after my lap band surgery so we are the perfect friends who can share a meal. The night did not start out to well for me, I had two bites of salad and it got stuck, it took about 3 trips to the bath room to get it unstuck but than I was able to enjoy a wonderful appetizer of 3 succulent broiled scallops wrapped in Bacon with a Hollandaise sauce. I left the bacon but the scallops were delicious and so moist and juicy. I had one small glass of Pino Noir and a strawberry dipped in chocolate for desert. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. It was a wonderful evening, I enjoyed my meal the company and we looked smashing if I do say so myself. I am attaching a couple of pic's one from 2 years ago when I was as my hubby puts it Large and in charge and one from tonight. Life and living with Lap Band is possible and we can all do this if we believe in ourselves.
Now you tell me, does lap band work. I say, oh hell yes it does. I think I look pretty good for a 56 year old lady. Remember Lap Band Friends and Family this is a journey!
All of us can do this, with time, dedication and support of the ones we love.
I haven't blog in few weeks or months, but wanted to let everyone know I am still out here, reading the blogs and forums to keep up with everyone. I spend more time on MFP these days. I started working out with a personal trainer 5 weeks ago and that is really working out good for me. I had really hit a slump in my program and was pretty much dead in the water again. My band was working, but I just wasn't eating very well. I had hit a spot again when food just wasn't my focus and was eating way to few calories. My trainer told me I was pretty much starving my muscles and my body was holding on to those fat cells for dear life. Sad I had to pay someone to teach me how to eat, but it is working. At first I thought there is no way I can do this. I am suppose to eat 3 meals a day and that is it. But guess what 5 weeks later, I am eating my 3 meals a day but I am supplementing a protein shake twice a day for snacks and most days take in 100 plus grams of protein. I still have my days I struggle but they are fewer and further between. My first month I lost 5lbs and 9 inches. I am hoping to lose 4 lbs this month and I will finally be out of the 150's.. While what a mile stone, I have not been this petite since high school. I used to think a goal of 132 was unreachable but I am finding out if you have the right attitude you can make anything work. Now don't get me wrong I have my ups and downs with the band but for the most part this is the best thing I every did for me. And seriously it really is all about me at this time. This is my chance, my time and my journey. Lap band is not an easy journey, it is paved with trials and tribulations. It will test your passion, it will test your commitment, you will have to fight temptation on a daily basis. There will always be food and lots of it, you have to realize that food to you is no different than alcohol is to an alcoholic or drugs are to a drug addict. My journey has consisted of distancing myself from temptations, I do not allow certain foods in my house or more specifically in my cabinets or fridge. I have no control of what others do but I do have control over what I put in my mouth. I find my self more aware of what others eat and I often think, man I used to eat like that and look where it got me. I think now my goal has become an obsession, I work my butt off, 3 days with a trainer, 6 days a week of cardio and logging religiously every morsel I eat. I have a new set of fears now, I used to fear not losing weight, my new fear is how will I maintain? I am trying to make exercise routine and part of my life.
To all you newbies and those weighting to have surgery and lose of you who are struggling, stay positive, stay focused and if you detour, forgive yourself, pick you up and move forward. We can all get caught up in the soulda, coulda, woulda! Look at everyday as a new beginning. Good luck to all of you and if you know a nurse be extra special to them this week, this is our week to celebrate. It is national nurse week, so hug your favorite nurse this week and tell her how much you appreciate what she does.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend and a wonderful relaxing Sunday. The day is beautiful here in SC, sun is shinning but it is still a little cool for the south. I don't know about everyone else but I can't wait until spring. I have so much more energy and motivation when it is warm outside. I find the winter months to be a little depressing and I do not feel as motivated to be outside and exercise. I am proud that I have went back to curves a week ago and have met my goal of going on Saturday mornings, and Tuesday and Thursday evenings after work. I need to set a new goal this week of at least doing 30 minutes of exercise daily of at least walking or something. I need my tread mill moved so I can use it, my son moved in late last year and it is in his room and a little hard to use. My husband says he has to take it apart to get it out of the room and has not done that yet. First thing that ticks me off lately. I go back to see my surgeon next week one , I had my last fill on Jan 30th and I am still struggling with solid foods most days, I do eat but it is usually late in the afternoons and evenings, I am getting all my protein in but with supplements. I keep thinking the band will loosen up a little and some days it seems to and others like yesterday, I just gave up and ate Greek yogurt and drank protein. I am still holding at 160 lbs, so at least I have slowed down on losing for a while. On the 30th I was at 175 which was up 5 lbs from before Christmas. I did find something good to eat this weekend, we ordered take out from the local Chinese restaurant and I ate a tofu stir fry, it was yummy and the tofu was silky soft and slide right down. I was only able to eat about 1/2 cup but it was yummy. I went out today and purchased a fit bit and tied it to my fitness pal account so I could track my activity and calories burned. I will let everyone know how that works out. I have been a little lazy lately and feeling a little frustrated with food and eating in general. I haven't felt this way in a long time but it is just so frustrating when one day things go down with out problems and they same things don't the next day. Welcome to bandster hell, I guess. The last thing that ticks me off today is people who use this site to promote sales of products. I was reviewing the forums and blogs this morning and found a blog that someone had started yesterday, she said she was 2 years out from lap band and had lost 150 lbs but was promoting a protein drink diet to get back on track. I thought to my self, every lap band patient knows that gimmicks don't work, diets don't work and getting the lap band has to be about changing your life and behaviors. Not sure why it pissed me off but it did, I feel we all work so hard on trying to live with lap band and trying to change out lives and live like others and the last thing I needed was someone telling me I could lose weight with lap band drinking yummy protein shakes. SERIOUSLY! I drink the damn shakes because nothing else goes down some days and this is not how I intend to lose my last pounds. I want to eat, enjoy my food portion. So shame on you if you are a lap band patient for encouraging us to drink protein to lose weight instead of change our behaviors and learn to live with lap band. I know we all have the freedom to post and believe what ever we want but SERIOUSLY give me a break. Ok, I feel better now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well I did it! Today I made a commitment to exercise daily! :Dancing_wub: Yes you heard me right I finally got off my butt and made a full fledge commitment to exercise 30 minutes every day. So what was my motivation. Thank you Judy Jones. I read your blog the other night about you losing 59 pounds but had never been committed to exercise. I was right there with you, I have exercised off and on but never completely committed to doing the deed. For Christmas I bought myself a treadmill and have used it off and on, I have a gazelle, it makes a nice clothes hanger in the spare room. But I have just not had the drive and motivation to be consistent. So you ask why now, well it is a short story. Our insurance rates are going up at work, starting in September. To get 800 dollars back on our annually premiums we were required to do a health assessment with employee health. Well, even though I have dropped from 248 to 180 I am still OBESE! What an ugly word, but it didn't sit well with me. My total cholesterol was 196, my HDL is only 47 and my ratio was 4.7. Well that was a slap in the face, I eat healthy, I eat around 900 to 1000 calories a day, 60-80 gms of protein, I take my vitamins religiously, I drink all my water, I write my food down and I don't cheat. I count every morsel I put in my mouth. So what is left. EXERCISE! Stop being a couch potato :behindsofa: in the evenings, get off your ass and EXERCISE!!!! Sorry to curse but I need to get motivated and being the stubborn Italian I am sometimes, stupid has to slap me in the face. So today, I joined Curves, made the appointment this morning for 3pm, did my measurements, signed up and made my commitment and first 6 appointments. I am so excited and pumped this evening. You see I am one of those people who does better with goals, especially if I am PAYING for them. I spend all that money on exercise equipment but there is nothing that pushes me. Obviously if I could do things on my own I would never have gotten OBESE or had weight loss surgery. I also joined with a friend, so we made a commitment together. She had gastric bypass 18 months ago and has lost 135 lbs, needs to lose another 25 but is stuck. We both figured if we did this together we would keep each other motivated. When they did my assessment they asked me what size I wanted to be, I said a size 10. Boy did I pick a lofty goal, I am 5'1" 55 years old and that makes me need to lose 52 to 53 inches and about that many pounds to reach this goal. That would put my weight at about 128-130. I am not real sure about that goal, it may be a bit lofty for me but just to set a goal and make a commitment to myself and now all of you know so I have to be accountable to myself and the entire lap band community because everyone is watching now. I had to laugh, she said, "How do you feel about your thighs?" I had to laugh, then I said, "Well there a little chubby right now and I would like for them to stop jiggling." My thighs measure 27" each and I set my goal for 24-25 inches. All of my life I have been called "Thunder Thighs" Well Ms. Thunder Thighs is going for the gold. I will keep you in the loop, I start on Monday at 7am, my friend Janet and I decided to exercise , 3 days a week before work and 2 days a week after work and on Saturdays we will do mornings. Sundays will be on our own to commit to some type of exercise, yard work, house work, bike riding, swimming or using one of the two exercise machines I own. Dr. Anderson would be so proud of me!:Banane43:
Wow! Has it really been 3 years since my surgery? Some days as I look back at old pictures I find it hard to believe that time has passed and I really used to be morbidly obese. I continue to love my new healthy life style and thank God everyday for giving me the courage and the strength to continue to stay true to my self and my goals. Weight lose is a journey and weight loss surgery of any kind is not easy. I was once one of those negative people who believed WLS was the easy way out but I soon found out that it was the hardest test of my courage and strength that I would ever experience. I happen to be one of the lucky Lap Band patients who was successful and was able to reach my goal weight. I know many who have tried and failed only to have to go back and start over again. I guess the most important thing I have learned during my 3 year adventure is to never give up on your self. If you back slide, you pick yourself up and start over again. I always remember that if I fail the only person I am failing is myself. You must continue to love yourself and never compare your success or failures to others. Never judge those who succeed or those who fail, we are all different and those differences are what make us unique. I feel I owe a lot of my early success and support to LBT website, I was an early blogger and frequent reader of the forums. I sometimes remained quiet but read and learned as much as I could from all on the site. Since my first years, I have been very lucky to make some very good friendships and develop a strong cyber support group that does not judge me and is always there to lift me up when I need it and to challenge me when I become complacent. Maintenance is hard and you must practice the principles of WL everyday. I have goals for myself that have allowed me to maintain a constant weight and maintain my goal for 14 months now but I am never going to forget who I once was. I keep reminders of obese Diane in my office and my home. I never want to forget where I started and how hard it was to achieve my success.
My advice to all you new members who are starting and seasoned members who are still working toward your goal:
Never give up on your dream; you are unique and if you set your mind to it anything is possible with hard work and dedication.
the first picture is my beginning in 2012, the second picture is me in my fat pants a year ago in 2012 at goal and the third is this Halloween(2013) as a gogo dancer getting ready for a 1960's Halloween Party!
Good luck and much success to all and here's positive thoughts for a healthy eating holiday season!
I wish I could take credit for these words but I can't... I found them deep and thought provoking as I deal with life and try to remain positive. I hope you enjoy!
The Obstacles of Life by Bill Nelson
Life presents us with a wide array of opportunities. Life provides a great deal of enjoyment and happiness. Life teaches a variety of lessons And life brings its own set of challenges. There is probably nothing here you don't already know. But what about those days when everything that can possibly go wrong does. Those days when things just go that little bit left of center to the point of annoying the daylights out of you.
Hopefully these types of days are very few and far between, but the reality is we have to deal with a day like this every now and then. What are some of the key obstacles of life and how do they have an ability to influence each other?
Rather than try and cover every possible scenario and situation that could cause these days of frustration to come about, and then to grow and get worse, we are just going to focus on four areas:
Four areas that as single entities can slow you down; and four areas that also have the ability to flow from one to another to create a decrease in momentum of quite significant proportions.
These four obstacles of life are:
o Fear
o Worry
o Anger
o Doubt
Let's first take a look at each one individually and then also see how they can lead from one to the other.
1. Fear
Most of the time fear comes about because we believe that we are about to suffer, in some way or another, from what the future will bring
The fear can sometimes be generated by fact, and at other times, by perception. But the bottom line is, we know how we feel when we are fearful.
But how do we overcome this fear?
Face your fears and overcome those fears. Sounds great in theory but is a lot harder in practical reality. Nevertheless, the concept is probably not far from the truth.
A word of caution: if you are going to face your fears, just take your time and do it slowly and methodically.
2. Worry
Life can somehow get us to worry about many different things. Some of us worry a lot and some of us have the ability not to get to worried about anything.
But what is it that causes us to worry the most? Well we all know that there are a million answers to this question, but let me share this with you: our fear, or what has generated that fear, also can get us to worry.
So the cycle gains momentum from one obstacle to the next. Fear can make us start to worry.
3. Anger
Not sure about you, but I can get angry about some things that would not affect anyone else; while on the other hand, I don't get angered by things that I know drive others into uncontrollable tirades.
A great many things can generate anger, such as situations, thoughts, people, failure and frustration.
But sometimes anger is generated as a defense mechanism: a mechanism that is supposedly trying to help when we sometimes get spooked by other emotions, such as fear and worry.
So now our cycle has three stages to it:
Fear triggers worry Fear and worry can generate anger
4. Doubt
Life continues to roll on, and as it does there can be many reasons why the element of doubt could be generated.
o Doubt about our ability to be successful
o Doubt about our ability to get the job done
o Doubt about our ability to reach the levels to which we aspire
o Doubt about what the future holds
o Doubt about whether you can be a great Partner/Parent/Friend
Once again, my doubts are (no doubt) different to your doubts. And our friend's doubts would be different again. So doubts can be generated by many different reasons, which are not necessarily right or wrong. But what about when our doubt is generated by our fear, worry, and anger?
What happens then? Well what happens is we continue to add another negative element into our cycle of obstacles of life. Individually theses emotions can slow our progress through life. But start to see them together and they have the ability to apply the brakes to life and apply them hard.
My message through all of this is to make sure that you are not your own worst enemy in this. Take care that you are not generating and perpetuating a cycle of emotions that will see your obstacles of life become stronger and longer.
The Journey Continues
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/584787
Those of you who have been following my blog know I am a bit of geek and sometimes spend countless hours researching ways to help myself to stay focused and be successful. I do believe there is no magic to weight loss and actually hate the word DIE..T and have removed it from my vocabulary. I do believe that being successful with Lap Band does require a life style change in eating habits and rewiring of my brain to help me to make healthy choices. I try very hard not to put myself in situations that would require me to be around junk food or foods that are not good for me. I am fully aware that only being 1 year post op and still having weight to lose to get to goal makes me vulnerable to all the horror stories of regaining what I have lost. I know the fat person still lives in the shadows and watches and waits for a weakness in my armor. I know I must be strong and must learn to live the healthy life style, by always picking the best food choices, exercising daily and always practice what I preach. I sometimes tell myself it is ok to still be overweight because I do look much better than I did a year ago but my fear is that as long as I stay overweight it will be just as easily to accept being obesity again. If I am totally honest this journey will continue for the rest of my life, because once the journey of weight loss ends than the journey of maintaining everything I have worked so hard for starts. So today on my internet travels I found a bairitric physicians web site who has published several books and one happened to be a free down load. "The Last 30 Pounds". I started reading and decided I needed to share this with all of my LapBand Family because at some point in time we will all be here and it doesn't hurt to read ahead. I know just reading a book doesn't make it happen but if you read and apply it can work. I need goals and rules, goals help me to keep focused and true to my journey. I also read several other things on this physicians web site about the yoyoing of fills and unfills and it actually made since to me. This physicians web site is one of the best I have ran onto while inquiring on success of Lap Band Patients. Here is the site and also the free down load of the "Last 30 Pounds" Check it out I think it will be worth your reading if you are struggling with losing and are feeling a little frustrated with your Lap Band Journey. We can all blame the Band or our physician for our failures or we can all take accountability for our failures and successes. As always these are my thoughts and opinions and I hope I don't piss anyone off.
http://drsimpson.net/index.htm
The Last 30 Pounds.pdf
Finally, i got on the scale this morning and they moved. down 1.5 lbs. I was so happy to see a new number. Then I went to work. Why do some people just have to burst your bubble. I was talking to a nurse and we were talking about losing weight and I said, I had been stuck at the same weight fo a while and was frustrated. She said,"You look amazing" I said, thank you. Then I was telling her about hurting my knee exercising and how worried I had been about not losing and afraid of gaining, so when the scales moved this morning and I was down 1.5 I was elated. She says well you know why don't you, you stopped exercising so you are losing muscle. Just what the blankty blank I need to hear. I know she is probably right but it sure did deflate my mood. Sighhhhh! The day ended well, I went to PT and was able to do the eliptical bike, 599 steps in 10 minutes. My balance sucks, the therapist told me I could use my WII Fit and do the balancing exercises and step exercises. Really low impact compared to what I was doing but I was excited. I decided I would stay positive and not let negative comments distroy my mood. "It is what it is" and right now it is slow going, but it is going. Another thing, not sure what is up with my stomach. I keep getting so bloated and so much gas, I know TMI but seriously, why all the gas. I had a few slices of granny smith apple yesterday and I though I was going to die. Seriously I was doubled over with pain and then later it feels like someone is ripping me open. thank you all for your support, I really appreciate all my lap band friends and all the info we share. I learn so much from reading others blogs. Have a great rest of the week bandsters.
Wow are we a judgmental bunch! I read these blogs daily and daily I become more and more frustrated with the lack of sensitivity we show for one another. And I am sure someone will slam me today for this blog but honestly I really do not give a flip. We all come to this site for help, think about it ladies and gentleman none of us could do this on our own. Not one of us could lose weight and keep it off. Each of us has our own personal set of reasons as to why we are obese, read the paper, listen to the news, As a society we are getting more obese daily, our eating life styles have to change if we want to succeed with any WLS and face it this is HARD. Some of us have been very successful and some of us are still struggling. Some people may never be successful because they can't get the physiological side of this process hard wired. What do I mean by that statement, eating correctly is half the battle! I am fortunate, I have lost all my weight, well don't pat me on the back too fast. I still struggle daily just like I did at 252 pounds, I wake up every morning knowing that I have to work every minute of the day on eating right. The rest of the world is not on my plan, the rest of the world could care less that I can't eat certain foods or certain foods make me throw up. My point folks is this, we have to help each other. Some of us get this really easy and quick and some of us are really hard headed and may never get this. But honestly is it not worth trying to coach one another and having a little patience, compassion and human dignity. After all remember we were all once the fat person in the mirror and the whole world has been judging us for a long time, thinking we just sit around and eat bon bon's and stuff our faces. As we become thin, please don't let us become the people who have judged us for so long.
In my line of work I am required to take sensitivity training, maybe we could all benefit from a little training! Sad we have to teach adults to be nice, no wonder our world is surrounded by so much evil and violence.
So my topic who is to blame, only us and if we choose to fail we have no one to blame but our selves, just look in the mirror!
Lapband is not for everyone, WLS is not for everyone, Surgery does not work for everyone and you and your surgeon can determine what is best for YOU!
Nice to see so many new face's on LBT. I have the day off today so I was trying to catch up on the web site. It is nice to see some old friends and some new faces. I am Diane and I was banded on October of 2010. I have now lost 112 lbs and am 8 lbs from my ideal body weight, a healthy BMI and healthy percent body fat. My journey like all WLS patients has had it's ups and downs. I have had my share of plateaus and difficulties and I can not tell you how much this web site and the people on her who are now friends have helped me. I have been a silent stalker and finally an active participant. In the beginning I didn't feel I had much to share so I read, listened and tried to learn all I could about my body and lap band. lap band got me started on this journey but after the initial 50 lbs the work really starts, honestly having lap band is just a little insurance.(sorry if you did not realize this but it is true) It is like having an extra conscious, that says,"Now you know you have eaten enough and if you take one more bite I am going to make your throw up if you take one more bite" "See I told you" I still have days when my eyes are wanting way more than my tummy will hold, and my 3rd conscious (hubby) says, Di ya gotta lot of food on your plate, you know you can't eat all that. I hate it but he is right. I can not say enough about my family, friends, co-workers and cyber friends. With out all of their support I would never have made it. They have held me accountable and challenged me when I felt things were stalled. Hard work, dedication, goal setting and sticking to the program works. The old saying is so true, "You are what you eat!" I love eating healthy now, I feel so much better, I have so much more energy and I am off all of my asthma medications and blood pressure medications. I never thought that would happen! I love exercising and I love working out with a trainer. Yes it is hard work, yes it takes commitment and yes it is also expensive but I made the financial cuts in my daily life because my health is worth this, I deserve to be healthy. I am thin now, WOW, can't believe I said that but I do have to admit, I am thin. I wear size 4" and 6's, I have no boobs left, (but a really sexy bra from Victoria's Secret with some sexy panties) I do have a little loose skin on my upper thighs and tummy could be tighter. But hey my arms look awesome and with "Justin's" drilling in the gym I will tighten up the other areas in due time. Will I be perfect, "Hell to the No" but you know what for a 56 year old lady who used to weight 252 lbs and wear a size 24 I look pretty damn good.
Soooo. lapbander's new and old my words of wisdom to you are: Love yourself, believe in yourself, never lose site of your goal. This is not a "DIET", this is a life time commitment to living a healthier life style. This is about beating the odds, this is about being accountable to yourself. We can lie to ever one else and say, yes I am following the rules when In our hearts we know we can give more.
How bad do you really want this? How much are you willing to give? After all it is your life!
I am giving this 100% plus, I am so worth all the hard work, dedication and commitment.
Remember you are worth it also, give your self a break, forgive your self for what went wrong yesterday and move forward. If you dwell in the past you will never have a future.
Hugs and Best Wishes to all my cyber friends, thank you for all your support and encouragement!
OK, I have been posting on this blog for a year now and those of you who know me have come to realize I am a bit of a nerd and spend a lot of time surfing the INTERNET looking for and asking questions. I try hard to read all the posts and make comments when I can but one theme that keeps popping up for many is their frustration with not losing the amount of weight they wanted to or fast enough. I like many of you probably did not ask all the right questions. I am a nurse and I know I did not ask everything and have found out a lot of my answers on this blog, on the INTERNET and from my own dumb mistakes. I am no expert but I am a true believer that we can all learn from each others life experiences. I am not your typical lap band patient. I have lost greater than my 50% of my total weight in my first year and believe me I feel very fortunate but I have worked the program. But if you really knew me you would learn to know that when I set my mind at something, I can be very OCD. I use this blog as my new addiction, I checking it religiously to see how others are doing, it is free and it does not add any inches to my hips or numbers to my scales. So you ask, what is Diane trying to tell us??? Well tonight I was doing my usual INTERNET surfing. My question was, How much weight can a lap band patient expect to lose?Wow, imagine, I found some answers and all were pretty consistent with what my doctor had told me. Hmmm, I also found this calculator on gottolose.org How much can I expect to lose? So I plugged in my height and starting weight and this is what it said.... I was 116 lbs over weight when I started, My ideal body weight should be 132 and I could expect to lose between 29 to 63 LBS. Well friends do the math that is about 50% give or take a few pounds of what I need to lose. 50% of my weight would be 58 lbs. To date I have lost 80 lbs, and by their numbers I have another 36 lbs to lose. It also showed me how much I could have lost if I had the gastric sleeve or the bypass and guess what I have pretty much exceeded all their numbers. My point is, no matter what surgery we have ladies and gentleman, WE have to work the program, not 50% or 75% of the time but ALL the time. We have to continue to work to change our behavior and develop healthy habits. This is more than just losing weight, this is gaining life and a better quality of life so like the article says, focus on how you feel not how much you are losing. Focus on all the positive and not the negative. Also everyone, stop beating yourself up, we are all worth the effort and we are all our worst critque. No one ever needs to tell us we did something wrong, we are all to busy say, yes I did it that was me Guilty as Charged. So you ask, if you have lost what they statistically expected are your going to settle, the answer is NO, not only NO but Hell NO! I am going to prove their statistics wrong, invalid, and I challange each of you to do the same.
Here ya go!
Your Most Burning Questions about Lap Band Surgery
So you'rethinking about having Lap Band surgery for weight loss, you're bound to have alot of questions. How does it work? How will it affect my life? How much doesit cost? These and many other questions are important to ask, and Iencourage you to learn more. But for today's purposes let's get straight to thequestion that is foremost in everyone's minds:
How muchweight can I expect to lose with the Lap Band?
There are really twoanswers to that question. Let's take a look.
ANSWER #1:Most people lose 50 to 60 percent of their excess weight with the Lap Band.
Some people lose a little more. Somepeople lose a little less. But, on average, most patients who have the Lap Bandprocedure lose half to almost two-thirds of their excess weight in the first 1to 3 years.
So what does that translate into in terms of howmany pounds you'll lose? That all depends on where you're starting from. Theheavier you are, the more pounds you will lose. For example, take someone whoweighs 600 pounds with excess weight of 450 pounds. If they lose 50 percent oftheir excess weight, they'll see 225 pounds go away. In contrast, consideranother person who starts at 220 pounds with 65 pounds of excess weight. Fiftypercent of their weight would be 33 pounds or more.
So the pounds lost will vary greatly per person,but the ultimate goal is the same: to lose a significant chunk of the extraweight you're carrying around. We strive to work with each patient to reach aweight loss of two-thirds of their excess body weight. What that means for youwill be based on your personal needs.
How much you'll lose will also depend on how muchyou adapt to the guidelines for eating andexercise after you get the Lap Band. The good news is you're notalone on this part. We have a whole aftercarestaff whose job is to help you to adapt and maintain and healthier lifestyle.Plus, your Lap Band will be the best reminder of all, helping you to feel fullafter eating theright amount offood for weight loss.
You also might be wondering how fast you'll lose the weight. The answeris that you should see a nice, steady weight loss over 18 months to 3 years.Honestly, this is not about speed, because rapid weight loss is not going to bea healthy weight loss. This is one of the great things about the Lap Band.Because it's adjustable, we can keep modifying the restriction level you'regetting to make sure you're achieving a successful rate of weight loss, allwhile also avoiding the rapid weight loss that you may not be able to maintain.Depending on your starting BMI, a good rate of weight loss will probably beanywhere from two to eight pounds per month.
All this said, there is another answer to thequestion of "how much weight will I lose."
ANSWER #2: Don't focus on the pounds.Focus on how you feel.
Don't focus too much on exactly how many poundsyou're losing per month and comparing what you're losing to others you meet,say, in your support group. You're going to know ifyou're making good progress toward your weight loss goal even if you never stepon a scale. Because you're going to feel better.
Losing weight is the main purpose for getting theLap Band. But that's really just a means to an even more important end:improving your health.
As you lose the weight, you're going to startfeeling better. You're going to have more energy. You'll be able to do thingsyou couldn't do before – from touching your toes and fitting into clothes youfeel great in to playing on the floor with your kids and going for a brisk walkwith a friend. For many Lap Band patients, losing weight even means improving orputting an end to troubling medical conditions from diabetes and high bloodpressure to sleep apnea and acid reflux.
So, while I can't tell you exactly how many poundsyou personally will lose, I can tell you this. Thanks to weight loss with theLap Band, you should be physically and mentally healthier. You'll have a betterquality of life. You'll feel more confident. And, you can expect to live longer.
Repostfrom: by Nives Champion
Aftercare Manager at True Results
January 27, 2011
Today is around 5 weeks since I hurt my knee and had to stop exercising. I must say it has been a very frustrating month. I have been doing therapy 3 times a week, now for 3 weeks and seriously there is little improvement. Not sure what I expected, "I think miracles". I guess my saving grace is that at least this did not happen at the beginning of my journey and I had already made progress. I have managed to maintain my weight loss and have even lost a few pounds. But I so much miss exercising, every time I see someone jogging or walking it makes me sad and makes me realize how much we all take for granted. Lap band surgery has given me back my life, I have so much more energy and has helped me re-build confidence in myself. I never realized how much being overweight had effected all aspects of my life. I wonder sometimes why I needed the lap band and why I could not have wrapped my brain around learning to control my portions myself. It took potential life altering health problems to shake me to reality and do something about my weight gain. The band truly is my friend and makes staying on track so much easier. I have thought many times over the past few months about getting a fill in my band so I would be able to lose weight faster. Patience has never been one of my attributes. I have always wanted instant gratification in what ever I did. I am glad I made the decision to work with the band instead of letting the band do all the work. I still have those days when I get stuck and PB, but they are usually because I fail to follow the rules and that is when I reflect back and realize if the band was not there to stop me I would easily revert back to bad behaviors. I honestly think I have found my "sweet spot" I can eat what I am suppose to eat, I rarely feel hunger, and food is not my main thoughts. I do occasionally splurge and allow myself a treat of a miniature chocolate or 100 calorie snack. The difference is I count these in my total daily calorie count. Yes guys I am one of those OCD people that has to count calories, I realize some think we should not have to do this but, I still do not trust myself, or maybe it is not trust but the fact I know myself and I know how easy it is to say: oh, that little bite won't matter, and a couple of desserts later your pants are too tight. I know a lot of you are still struggling to get to the place where I am. Don't give up on your self, each and everyone of us is work the trials and tribulations that we are going through. Believe in your self, because if you don't believe in yourself you can not expect others to. Don't let small roadblocks or set backs take away your focus. We all have common ground, this is a life journey and not a vacation from food. This is us building confidence in ourselves and learning to trust our selves alone in a room with the "evil" that lives inside. We all have our own demons to fight and all of our journeys are individual, we can't compare ourselves to one another and we all have to hold each other accountable. I am approaching my 1 year anniversary next month and I so wanted to be at goal but I know that I will not be there. But you know what? That's OK. Seriously, it is! I am pleased with my progress and realize that I will get there. So, I guess what I have learned most of late, is I have changed. I have moved from Diane the closet eater to Diane the obsessive calorie counter. I have always read that when you give up one addiction you usually develop a new one, well thank you God my obsession is managing my weight loss. So for all of you out there that are still struggling to reach that place where you are happiest, remember the happiness may not always be found in a number you reach on the scale but a happiness from within yourselves.
Yesterday I went shopping to make myself feel better, retail therapy is my new addiction, it always makes me feel good. My clothes are starting to get a little big again and it makes me feel better when I can buy something new that may be just a little bit smaller. Well here's how it went, I took several dresses into the dressing room ranging in sizes from 12 to 16. For all of you who don;t know me I started this journey wearing a size 24 womens. Now I am only 5'1" so I was pretty round. Not sure why I thought I could were the 12 but I just wanted to try it. I did get the dress on but the look was just not me. Now if I had wanted to add some 4 inch heels and work a street corner the dress may have worked. Sorry about that visual but sometimes it helps if I can laugh at my self. I did find two really cute dresses after trying on about 8 or 10. For some reason I thought I bought size 16 in both dresses but to my surprise when I was taking the dress off tonight, yes I had to wear it to work today, I noticed it was a size 14. Wow, I have not had a size 14 on in years. Still need to get on the stick and exercise. I have also developed a bad habit lately I need to break, eating almonds. I think they are my new substitution for salty snacks, so I threw them out tonight. I found my self grazing on these off and on and this is not something I want to start. My husband gets a little frustrated with me when I start throwing away the food in the house but if I don;t think I can trust myself, in the trash it goes. I know that sounds silly but I gotta do what I have to to remain true to myself and this journey. I will not allow myself to fall back into bad habits. I spent way to may years lying to myself about what I ate and never told anyone. I used to stop off at McDonald's and eat a snack on the way home from work and then come home and eat dinner. My addictive thinking was if no one saw me eat it, it did;t count. Well let me tell you that will get you a few pounds overweight real fast. Like I said last night, old habits die hard and we do what we need to do to develop healthy habits.
Everyday is a new day and everyday I love the new me that is blossoming from within. My success is all on me, I have been given the tools I just need to continue to apply them.
If you can believe in yourself. you can make your dreams come through. I started this journey 19 months ago. Like many of you I had been overweight for the majority of my adult life and had tried and never been totally successful with any exercise program or diet. That is why I made my decision to have WLS over the summer of 2010. I was so tired of being overweight, tired of my knees hurting, tired of being short of breath when i walked from my car to the office. Tired of being the girl with the pretty face, the death sentence comment for yes she is really fat but she has a pretty face. LapBand comes with its own set of challenges, we all went into this believing we knew what we were getting into but I am not sure anyone can truly prepare you for all you are going to experience. The early part of this journey was lined with challenges and so much of the unknown. For all of you pre and newly banded you need to know I lived on this web site in the early days, I logged on daily and would sometimes spend hours reading the forums and blogs. I wanted to learn as much as I could from the very people who I was trying to emulate. I learned quickly that there were just as many people failing as there were people succeeding and honestly that scared the hell out of me. I gleamed what info I could from the positive comments and tried to figure out how I was not going to become frustrated. The one most important thing I learned was that I had to be accountable to myself, no one was going ot hold my hand and make sure I ate what and how I was suppose to. This was all on me, my success or failure that is. Lapband does work, it can be the tool that you takes you where you want to go but remember it truly is a tool, it does not make food choses for you. It will not stop bad behavior, actually it will allow you to eat junk. Think about it sugar and starches break down in your mouth not in your gut so chips and cookies and candies will always go down when you have to work to eat protein and vegetables. I am an optimist, I went into this with my eyes wide open. I knew my life would never be the same, I knew I would be changing the life of not only me but also my family. I wanted to embrace my new life, when I chose my log on to this site, "LovetheNewMe". I was far from loving or even liking how I was but I knew that was where I wanted to go. Today, I do LovetheNewMe, I have no regrets with my Lapband. People often ask me, Do you regret having the surgery, instead of doing yourself. I laugh, they have no idea. The band helped me lose the weight but it was only a guide, the food I chose to eat, the exercise I chose to do and the new life I embraced was all about me not the band. You see I see my band as my conscious, it lets me know if I chose unwisely but it never stops me. I stop me, because I followed the rules my MD gave me and on the lapband web site. I have been successful not because of the band but because of me and my determination to be successful. Today was a great milestone for me. I went to my exercise session with my trainer today. Today was weigh and measure day. I weighed in at 145 lbs with a BMI of 27.4 and 26% body fat. I lost a total of 5 inches. My measurements are now 36-29-38, my thighs are now 21 inches and my arms are 11.5 inches. My trainer, was ecstatic, I thought he was going to cry, I think he was as happy if not happier than I was. When I left the gym tonight he told me I was his walking billboard that proved that hard work and determination did pay off. I said to him well you did it and he said no Diane you did it, all I did was show you what to do, you did all the work. I told him tonight, I would be happy staying at this weight but I did still have some goals, I want my waist to be 25-26 inches, I want my arms down to 10 inches. He thinks I will reach my ideal body weight of 132 in a few more months, will see.
On another note, the dear hubby tells me tonight, I think your thin enough! Now remember this is the same wonderful fellow who said my thighs were less than optimal. I just looked at him very perplexed. So my new thought process is that I have thighs like a Chinese Shar Pia, because that was the breed of my dear departed Alexander whom I lost 2 years ago. I always said my Ali had only a face a mother could love so I am choosing to embrace my shrinkles and the rest of the world can just. "GET OVER IT."
If you take nothing from my ramblings please take this, believe in your self, love your self, set goals and never feel like you fail. Set backs and plateaus are normal, if you stumble, forgive yourself and refocus. This is YOUR life, this is YOUR chance to learn to love your self and embrace a new life. If i can do this you can do this. I dreamed of being here and now I am. Is my journey over NO, this is a life long journey and a commitment. This is my life, my new life!
Well Happy Monday! Just to let everyone know, I am making progress with my physical therapy on my knee. Today I started pool therapy and I actually was able to do steps leading with my right leg. Well of course this was in 4 foot of water but hey, I have been walking with crutches and my knee taped for 3 weeks now. So to me this is progress. I also made it through a whole day at work with out crutches, a limp because I am so afraid of falling but the knee did not buckel once today. The small things that make me happy these days. I still live in fear everyday of gaining weight, I log my food every day, it drives my husband crazy but I want to be sure I am eating right. I had another stuck episode tonight. I have had freguant episodes lately, almost daily something gets stuck. I was having a discussion with my husband tonight and he said he observed that I am going back to bad habits of eating to fast. He;s right, I used to watch the clock and make sure I was chewing every bite. Now I just want to finish when everyone else does, so I eat faster and usually that means I PB at least 1/4 of what I eat and sometimes it really hurts. I guess old habits die hard. Weight is still holding at 177. Hope everyone has a great week.
I sit here tonight after a long day at work, reading blogs and watching "Dancing with the Stars." As I am watching these people 'stars" put them self out there doing something that pushes them out side their comfort zone it came to me, "Is that not what each of us are doing?" We are putting ourselves out in front of everyone and allowing ourselves to be judged for our progress in our journey. I would like for all of us to give ourselves a "10" tonight. A "10" for being willing to admit we are not perfect. A "10" for taking each day, "one day at a time." A '10" for each new healthy habit we embrace and enculturate into our daily routine. We are all individuals and each of us has their strengths and weaknesses that we need to highlight. If we collectively added up all the weight each of us have lost over the past 6 months or a year, would we not be the "biggest losers." And guys being a loser on this site is a WONDERFUL thing, we need to stop thinking, I only lost a half of a pound, I only lost a pound. Instead we need to be saying, "WOW, I lost another pound. After all we are not the gainers we are the losers. For the first time in our life losing is winning. Now how often can you make a negative a positive. We may stall occasionally, we may stumble, we may even fall, but we will pick ourselves up, we will admit we strayed and we will get back on track. So I challenge each of my cyber friends in this weight loss journey to pick one positive affirmation to post for the week and embrace the positive energy it will instill in your life. I am posting a web site that I think may help us all if we could just allow ourselves to believe in our selves and open our minds to some positive thinking. http://www.vitalaffi...ons.htm#example
When I chose my name for this blog I used the positive affirmation theory. LovetheNewMe. Honestly when I started on this journey I did not love anything about me but now after a year of logging into this blog and signing on everyday with my user name "LovetheNewMe." I do love me, I love the person I am becoming, part due to weight loss but even deeper than what you see on the outside. I love the person I am on the inside. It is hard to love yourself, we are our toughest critique, we judge our selves and we always see our failures not our successes. Each time we loss an inch or a pound or make it through a day always choosing healthy foods is a successes. We should celebrate every success we have, big and small. We are learning to lIVIT not dIET, we are learning to Love ourselves.
My affirmations for my journey are:
1. I choose to make positive healthy choices for myself
2. When I believe in myself, others will believe in me also
I say my affirmations every morning as I am getting ready for work, I look in the mirror and yes I talk to myself. and no I am not wacky.
So my challenge to all of us is we put our best foot forward and and get the positive energy flowing on this blog, love your self, support yourself and most important believe in yourself, why you ask, why because you are WORTH IT.
Have a great week all.
Here is a little picture update. It is possible with lap band and a lot of hard work. First photo is pre surgery, second photo is May 2011, third photo is this week May 2012.
Some days I find it hard to believe when I look in the mirror that this is really me!
Well Diane is having her own personal pity party. Go figure. I got my feelings hurt yesterday probably not the first time nor will it be the last but this time I am really having trouble shaking it. So who was the wonderful person who decided to be so honest with me my "loving husband", I type that with much sarcasm and anger at this moment. As all of you on this site know I have lost a lot of weight over the past 19 months, 103 lbs to be exact. I am very proud of the fact that I have been able to be successful with lapband and it has not been without ups and downs and struggles along the way. So what did the "jerk" say that hurt so much. Well here it goes, we were working outside trying to get the pool open and I had to get in the pool to srub the sides and bottom so I went to put on a swim suit. OMG, as I am sure all of you are aware of is that when you lose a lot of weight your skin does not always snap right back into place. Go figure, right! Well Mr. Brilliant says to me, "Honey, you know you are damn sexy looking except for one thing." WHAT? He repeats himself, now knowing he has crossed the path of no return. EXCEPT for WHAT??? Well I am not sure you know it or not but your THIGHS really look just AWFUL. Oh yeah, he did say it. I think I turned into let me see a TIGER, no may be a RATTLESNAKE, or may be it was SCORPION. So WTF?? Does he not think I look in the mirror everyday and see what I look like without my cloths on? Why does he think I am literal working my ASS off at a gym 3 times a week and doing cardio 6-7 days a week. So have you figured out I am just a little touchy about how I look? I have been struggling for months with my body image, I still saw the fat me for months when I looked into the mirror it was not until just the past month that I was starting to accept the new me. Starting to notice that working out was paying off, I even felt my thighs were looking better, not perfect. But for real, I used to weigh 252 lbs on 5'1' frame what do you expect. I am just hurt, pissed, mad and just can't believe he said it.
So what did I do last night, I binged. I reverted back to an old behavior. Well of course binging these days is much different than before, but still I hate the fact that I allowed what someone said to cause me to go back to an old coping behavior. So today I feel hurt, guilty and just totally like a failure.
I have tried all day to make this into a positive but I am struggling, I am trying to be a big girl and realize that everyone has an opinion but I guess my feeling is that because he said it, it is how he really feels. So to him, I look awful. I looked awful fat and I look awful thin, so what now.
Well I guess I could continue to feel sorry for myself and give into bad past behaviors or I can just put this into prospective. I know I have lose skin, that is a given. I know I have worked to do to try and tighten up, that is also a given and why I hired a personal trainer and am working my butt off. I spent my afternoon reading the forums for other posts that could help me and this is one I read that really hoped me put into prospective what I feel: "Don't listen to the inner dialogs that continues to put you down despite your success. Because it won't suddenly start happening once you get plastic surgery. Choose to celebrate your achievements now."
To take the above statement a little further I will not allow others to sabotage what I have worked so hard to achieve. I could chose to have plastic surgery to rid my self of the lose skin I have but I have chosen to try and tighten up with exercise, it takes longer may not be perfect but I do not want the scars that come with plastic surgery. I will not go back to being that person, the person who used cheeseburgers, chips and Fry's to comfort her. I don't want to be that person, I will not be that person and further more I am not that person anymore. So there hubby take that, maybe you have your own issues you need to work out to deal with the fact that "YOUR" wife looks "HOT" OK maybe that's a little much but you get the point.
So first I am forgiving myself for failing myself and not using what I have learned for the past year and a half and than I am going to forgive the "jerk" I am married to for hurting my feelings. I may not tell him for a few days because I think he needs to realize just what a "HUGH" mistake he made. Because you see I have another character flaw, I may forgive but I never forget...........................
I have always loved the early morning hours of the day. The time before the sun comes up, the house is quiet, every one is still asleep. This is my time of the day to just ly quietly in bed and reflect about the day ahead and plan. This is also the time of day that I can relect on how blessed I have been in my life, thanking God for my wonderful family and friends and for giving me the strength to handle almost anything that falls in my path. Now.....back to the present! (For those of you who do not know me, I had surgery October 2010) I had a fill two weeks ago, my idea. I must admit the past 2 weeks have been pure HELL! I did my 48 hours of liquids like I was instructed but unlike every other fill I was not able to go right back to solids after the initial 48 hours. (Note: after my second fill in May of last year I was over filled and had to have an unfill. I was unable to drink liguids let alone eat.) I had to progress my self through full liguids, to soft and than to solids. I almost gave in several times and was tempted to go back and say, "Take some Damn fluid out I want to EAT." But I didn't, I drank my protein, which I do not love, every day I would take my breakfast, lunch and dinner, take a few bites push it away and drink a protein drink. I didn't have reflux, I didn't throw up, liquids passed without any difficulty and I had no desire to eat. I didn't feel hungry, Not sure I understand why but after my fill this time everything tastes different, things I loved before my fill, I don't like or want. The past 3 days have been good, I have been able to eat solids for lunch and dinner. Breakfast is still a little touchy, I do a couple of bites but than just decide to drink a protein drink. Sadly I have not even enjoyed my Starbucks! May weekday ritual is always a "Triple Tall, Skinny Carmel Machiatto" I have tried several different lattes this week and after about drinking a third i just toss it. Tossing a $5 cup of coffee is pretty expensive so I think I will give up on them for a while. They just don't seem to taste good! Sorry Starbucks, I will hold on to my Gold card but I guess you won't be getting rich of me for a while. My goal for the upcoming week is to increase my calories and find something that tastes really good and yummy. I have only be averaging about 600 cal a day for about 2 weeks, so I have been faithfully taking my vitamans and adding protein when ever I can to increase the calories and make sure my hair doesn't fall out. I have lost 10 lbs since my fill, the 4 lbs I had gained and 6 additional lbs. So this morning I way in at a "skinny 165" Hope everyone has a Great Sunday. Adding a new pic, of me and the family at Christmas.
I will apologize to the guys for this topic up front.
Now I am going to warn all of you male bloggers I am going to discuss a rather x-rated topic. My panties! lol Well yesterday I finally broke down and bought my self some new underware. I know your all asking how in the world was she still waring the same panties she wore 68 lbs ago. They were a little baggy in the seat but they were dear old friends and I just wasn't ready to go to the expense of purchasing new ones. I have had to purchase new bras, on two separate occasions but the panties worked so I left them alone. Well for two weeks I have been saying to my husband, "Honey I gotta buy new panties, one day I am going to be walking down the hall at work and they are going to fall right off." It had got to the point when I wore my tee shirt spanks that my underware gave me a wedgy. TMI right but you have to fully appreciate how much our bodies change and all of the things we go through when losing weight. Well I bought two pair of really cute hipster style panties at Target. They were so cute, "Not granny panties at all" They were a soft gray pattern with this cute little bow on the front and flat ecru colored lace on the legs. And guess what they are a size "7" and they look so cute. Ok, so they are only underware and I know I am the only one that is going to see them but they make me feel thinner. I know that may sound ridiculous but they do. I have not bought underware that was not of the granny pantie style for years, I got satin ones, lacy ones, etc.
Tomorrow, Monday June 27th I start my exercise at Curves®. I have to be there at 7am, so excited. Spent the weekend working in the yard and swimming in the pool. Also bought some delicious protein bars at CVS for buy two get one free. Had a yummy pretzel peanut butter one yesterday for lunch and a chocolate Carmel crunch one today. 200 cal 15 gm protein and low carbs. I like these on the weekend for when I am busy outside and use as one meal replacement.
Hope everyone is doing great this weekend. I will keep you posted this week on my exercise, oh and I guess I get to wear my new panties to work and won't get a wedgy!
Well October the 27th was my one year band-iversary. Wow... what a year this has been. If you would have asked me a year ago if I thought I would be where I am today I am not sure how I would have answered. The road has been bumpy along my journey, I have been too lose, I have been too tight, I have peaked and plateaued weeks and months on end. I have lost no pounds, I have gained a pound or two, I have lost inches, I have not exercised, I have over exercised and I have had knee surgery but my biggest accomplishment is that I really do love "me" and I have learned that food is a necessity for nutrition not a coping mechanism. If I learn nothing else from this journey it will be that I can get angry, upset and frustrated and I know McDonald's is not my friend, my friends have been my family, my co-workers and all of you who have supported me and encouraged me. To all of you who are just starting, or who are struggling and to those of you who have been successful, share your success, admits your mistakes and love yourself! We are all worth the effort that this journey takes!
I weighed in this week at 168, still not at goal but very pleased with my progress and yes, I really do" love the new me." I am going to share some before and now photos with you. I have dropped from a size 24 to a 12.
Cyber Hugs and Kisses to All!
