Lap_dancer's Journal

The Really Big Show

It's Wednesday, January7th. I woke up this morning (with a wine glass in my hand, whose wine? what wine?...-Frampton) I woke up and got out of bed. I slept well last night. This is a big treat for me. For years the other person that is attached to the front part of my body in the form of fat prevented me from sleeping on my stomach. If I tried, my head would not touch the pillow but would hang precariously shoving my breasts up under my already tripled chin. Not comfortable. The first part of my body that noticably changed was my chin. I lost one chin, and believe me I'm not looking for it, another chin and now remains a slight flop. The stomach dropped as well. Although still there, it no longer swings from side to side and I'm not embarrassed to trot when I find the strength. In the past, a trot or slight increase in momentum caused my stomach to swing like a pendulum back and forth. So last night I had the good grace of sleeping on my stomach. I'm definately losing volume. It's because of all the rehersals. Every day I rise and I practice the habits of slow chew, no liquids with meals, protein first, avoiding altogether the things that use to fill my pantry and my stomach. By now it is habit. I'm not so fooled by the smaller sizes in clothing, the compliments which come as a nice change in my life. I know I haven't arrived and though I see the friend in the front of my body disappearing, part of her personality will remain with me and remind me of what we have been through together. The rehersals and daily habits I'm developing will some day lead me to The Really Big Show. That day when I wake up and I step on the scale and there it is...that number. It's a simple number but it represents so much. It represents the end of a long journey. It SHOWS me that I can do it. That I believe in myself enough to know that this obstacle can be overcome. By then I will be able to pick up Christopher and swing him around. I'll be able to place him on my lap and go on Disney rides and walk the park without becoming breathless. By that time I will be shopping with my sister :thumbup: and putting on clothes that are stylish and fit (and are not made by Coleman or bought at REI ..think: camping and tents...kidding). It is going to happen, this show that I am rehersing for. I believe. I know. I will succeed!:sleep::confused::eek:

Lap_dancer

January 7, 2009

Marilyn KNows: Words from one who knows the Journey

Obesity, Psychology and Weight Loss Surgery by Marilyn Armstrong co. 2003 (write to author for re-print permissions) Okay. Time to shove my (unasked) oar in these waters. I am a gastric bypass patient (3/4/02) who has had multiple complications. In fact, I still have multiple complications. AND I have lost much more weight than I intended and am now downright skinny, although others seem more disturbed by it than I am. And no, I do NOT regret the surgery. Sure the complications have made my life difficult. Sometimes, my life has been beyond difficult ... downright impossible. But thin is STILL better. I am not complaining. I also greatly question Weight Watchers' stats. Do they count the dropouts who do not lose weight, cannot keep on track, and are too embarrassed to continue to come to meetings? Or do they only count those who stay in the program? This is a pretty self-selecting sample. The people who stay with the program are, for the most part, people who are succeeding at it so the statistics will clearly show that IF YOU CAN STAY WITH THE PROGRAM, YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT. Maybe you'll even keep it off, although I doubt they have tracked the stats on those who do well, then stop coming. What happens to them? I lost weight on every single diet I was ever on until right before surgery when my battered metabolism just gave up and refused to lose weight no matter how little I ate. Jennie Craig got me down 85 lbs. and I kept it off (or most of it, anyway) for more than ten years ... then stuff happened and I threw in the towel, regained all of the weight I lost and added about 40 bonus pounds. Why? It's a long boring story and I'll skip it for the nonce. So here I am, 19 months post op. Am I happy with my weight? Yes, although I admit that 10 - 15 more pounds would probably look a bit better ... but I'm a little frightened of trying to gain weight and in any case, I figure once the docs get my other issues sorted out, I'll probably put on a few pounds as a matter of course. My body has a natural set point and after I can eat more normally, I expect that I'll find it. Am I happy about food? No. I really can't eat much and am highly limited in my choices. It has certainly taken the fun out of food for me, but I have learned to enjoy table talk and ambiance and discovered that there are other reasons for dining than just eating. Would I like to be able to eat a bit more normally? Sure, but life goes on regardless. Has my marriage fallen apart? No, it hasn't. Is it better? No, it's about the same as it was. Whatever problems we had before, we have now. The strong points are still strong. The weak points are still weak. IMHO a lot of people have crappy relationships and all it takes is one big precipitating event and the whole house of straw comes tumbling down. Are morbidly obese people inclined to have crappy relationships more than "regular" people? What do YOU think? Take a person who feels physically poorly much of the time, probably has a self-esteem issue -- if not from some childhood issue, than certainly as a result of being a very fat adult in a society that idolizes "thin" and voila -- low self esteem served up on a silver platter. I know a lot of divorced couples. I've been divorced too. In fact, the stats in the northeast are something like 1-in-3 regardless, and probably among certain professions (like media, say -- and yes, I do speak from experience here) it's a lot higher. Also higher in cities than in the country. Also higher among those with higher incomes. Divorce is very very very common in our society and a sampling of ten couples who didn't make it post WLS hardly constitues a meaningful sample. Among the Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) couples I know -- maybe 30 couples in all -- only one actually went to divorce ... but they weren't in great shape before. Other couples had a bunch of issues to sort out, but thus far (in this last 19 months that I've been paying attention to this stuff) seem to be working it out ... as least as far as they are concerned. Others might argue the point and some of them would probably be better off divorced ... Should there be a better way to lose and keep off weight than massive reconstruction of the digestive tract? Yes, I really wish there were. This procedure is very drastic and not for the faint of heart. If you are doing it so you'll look better in your clothing and that's all, well, that's not good enough to get you through any rough times that might develop. But I think most of us did it because we believed that it was the last-best chance for a healthy life. In some cases, it was do or die, quite literally. As for me, I was either going to lose at least 100 pounds or probably be confined to a wheelchair for the remainder of my time on earth. That was not much of a choice. Part II continued

Lap_dancer

December 25, 2008

Sign In

Lap_dancer's Journal

About this blog

Entries in this blog

The Really Big Show

Marilyn KNows: Words from one who knows the Journey

PatchAid Vitamin Patches

Bariatric Forums

For Patients

Health Professionals

Forums

Weight Loss Surgery Forums

Food and Nutrition

Other Types of Weight Loss Surgery & Procedures

Activity

My Activity Streams