Well I have 16 days until my surgery date which is June 10, 2011! I am sooo excited but the anxiety freak inside my head still keeps freaking me out. I worry that something will happen and it will get pushed back or something! I don't even think its really hit me yet either. I am 22 years old and live in Houston, Texas. I started thinking about the lapband after i finished cosmetology school in June of 2010, but never thought of it as something that i would actually do. Trying to find a job in an industry that is all about beauty when you feel like an ugly fat cow is not easy. I have always been the girl with the pretty face, but I always took that as she has a pretty face but.... which doesnt make me feel any better about it. My whole life has been about obsessing over my weight. It has taken away so much from me. I would love to go to the river with all my friends and drink beer all day and get tan, but there is NO way in hell that i would EVER get in a bathing suit in front of them. I wont even lay out with my mother, who is the least judgemental person on the planet. I havent even told my friends that I am getting this surgery. The only people that know are my mom and dad, and one friend who is 15 years older than me. I don't know why I am so embarressed about it, but I am. I have always been like that when on diets, I never liked talking about them. My best friends to this day are still the same friends that I had in high school. I was always very popular and the fun girl to hang out with, which I think is why I am so uncomfortable telling my friends about this, because they all have the perfect bodies and gorgeous and just wouldn't understand. Everytime i hear one of them talking about going on a diet or need to work out I want to slap them and say you have NO idea what its like to NEED to go on a diet. This surgery really will change my life. There are so many things that I want to do that I can't do now because of being fat. I want to go out to eat without wondering if the booth is going to be super small, or if the chairs are going to have arms and I have to squeeze in it. or go outside and sweat to death in the Texas heat because I refuse to wear anything to show skin because im so modist because I'm fat. I know this is rambling on and going from one place to the other, but it feels good to just write it all out, even if noone reads it.
