I've been thinking of what I would do when I'm thin...here are just some of them. It's sad to think that I have been putting my entire life on hold until I'm not fat, but that's me...
1. sit on the beach and build a sandcastle with my kids without looking like a beached whale
2. stop watching my kids play and play with them!
3. ride every ride at busch gardens and have that bar not pinch my flab!!!
4. ride the gocarts at the grand prix with the rest of my family
5. go camping more
6. go to all the parties we are usually invited to and know that my hubby is proud of me and who he's with..i know he's already proud...but i'll feel proud
7. go to the park with my son, make friends with other moms
8. stop emailing my best friend and actually go do something with her
9. shop in the cool stores
10. finally feel GOOD!
SCHEDULED MY SEMINAR! Yay...I'm finally on my way to having this done. I called today to reserve my spot at Dr. Grossbards seminar. Dh is going to go with me. I've had such a hard time convincing him how much I really really want this done. He just doesn't "get" how I feel being fat. He has no worries about his own body or what other people think. I have a hard time being in this body...always thinking that people see me as less, not being able to have a conversation because I feel like other people dont' think I count. I'm sure it's all in my head, but I'm constantly thinking about my weight. It's really no fun at all. I've reached my limit though...I can't stand my weight or how I look. Lately I don't even care how I look. I'm just fed up. I'm 274 today. My highest was 283. I really just want to be comfortable in my own body. I want friends! I want to do things with my kids instead of sitting down and watching them have all the fun. I want to hike, run, build a sandcastle without looking like a beached whale! LOL It all boils down to me losing the weight, getting some confindence, and finally living! I'm so excited because I know that this is going to help me!!!
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I'm so excited about going to this seminar. I just want to finally get moving on having this surgery done. I can't wait until my dh learns what I've learned about the surgery. I'm hoping it will make him feel more comfortable with me having it done. I don't know if he's worried or just doesn't want to spend the money. Either way, hopefully one day he'll realize how this will change my life. I know that this will help me lose weight and keep it off, but it's really so hard to believe. It's so hard to imagine myself actually making it out of the 200's!!! I guess I'll believe it when I see it happening. I hope I'll be able to deal with the food changes and lack of. I keep telling myself that I'd do anything to lose weight and to feel better about myself. So I'm know that when I start losing..I'll be too happy to even care what foods I'm missing. I'll just find something else to fill the food gap.
