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My Journey through Lap-Band Land

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I feel good.....I knew that I would......da da da da da da DA!

Fifty hours. That’s 5-0. Fifty HOURS since I had a cigarette.   And, yanno what? I’m sitting here at 6:00am – get this – drum roll, please – I’m not craving a cigarette this morning.   WOO HOO!! You GO girl!!   It’s great to be able to sit here and drink my coffee and take my vitamins without having to jump up every twenty minutes and smoke a cigarette on the back porch. When I let the dog out this morning for her morning pee, the urge to smoke wasn’t there.   God, that felt good.   When I went for a drive yesterday afternoon with the hubby, the urge to light up while driving was there, but not because I was having a craving. It was just a habit.   THAT felt good, too.   I’m leaving in a moment to go to Big Lots to get some stocking stuffers for Christmas (why on God’s earth they would open at 6:00am, I’ll never know…….poor clerks!). I know that I will be wanting to light up while driving – just a habit – but I don’t think it will be because of a craving.   I think that Dr. Curry will be proud of me when I am able to report to him in January that I quit smoking – er, haven’t smoked since November.   Onward…….
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

4
 

He just really pissed me off...

I got a guy fired today, and don't feel one bit bad about it.   He's a pain in the ass, and has been a thorn in my side for nearly a year now. He is (was) the receiving clerk at our company and treated the truck drivers like sub-standard human beings. He made several of them wait six-and-a-half hours yesterday before he'd load their trucks.   That was the straw that broke the camel's back.   I went out to that receiving dock this morning and told him to get his lazy, hair ass up outta that chair, and unload the truck that was sitting just outside the bay door. He called me a BEE-OTCH in that stupid gansta-rap jargon, and I just let 'im have it with both barrels.   I called the so-and-so everything but a milkcow, told him to unload that f'ing truck, called him a saw off SOB, and told him that if it's the last thing I do today, I'll make sure he's fired.   And, he is fired.   It's been a rough day. Someone hug me.
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

5
 

Got denied

*sigh*   I got denied. They said my BMI isn't high enough.   When I told the insurance coordinator at Dr. C's office that I've gained 32 pounds since they first saw me -- because I quit smoking -- she told me that my BMI is high enough now, and she'd resubmit the papers.   I hope they don't deny me again. I weigh 282 now. Wow. I'm depressed. Thinking of taking up smoking again. Why shouldn't I? At least I'll lose weight.
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

3
 

Gaining control of my eating...

Yesterday was a great day eating-wise. I think I'm getting things under control now. I've lost a few pounds (water weight) since Monday.   As usual, I had my coffee with half-n-half and Sweet-n-Low in the morning, then I sipped on a diet orange Faygo until noon. For lunch, I had a generic SlimFast shake, and a Lipton cup-o-soup, chicken noodle, and when the cup became half empty, I'd fill it with more hot water. I did that a few times until the chicken broth tasted more and more like just hot water. It filled my stomach, so I wasn't hungry for food. Then I drank Diet Snapple the rest of the afternoon.   It was very tempting about 3:30pm to eat one of the tootsie rolls from the candy dish in the office, but I didn't.   At home after work I had my usual 16-ounce cup of instant coffee. Dinner was a little polish sausage and sauerkraut, and a slice of Swiss cheese. Later I had a low carb tortilla with some home made chicken salad on it (chicken, boiled eggs, mayo, onion). I also had a protein bar with 3 net grams of carbs.   So, I was fully satiated yesterday and can only say that I experienced hunger once all day long. I know that I cannot make a habit of having protein bars AND food in the same meal, so I'll work on that today.   Onward.....
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

2
 

Five days now...

You people are wonderful. If I ever get time, I'll respond to all of the comments I'm getting. Don't think that I'm ignoring you, please. I'll find some time to respond today while I'm on my lunch break.   Wow. Five days without a cigarette. Several quits ago, I tried the "tapering down" approach, and it was disastrous. I didn't know why then, but I know why now. I would go for hours without a cigarette, looking forward to having one at my predetermined time, holding out until then, and feeling the sweet relief once I finally got to light up again. Well, that didn't work for me because, logically, I was simply putting myself through a constant "quit and re-start" phase over and over again. I would quit for five hours, my body would start to rid itself of the nicotine, and then I would simply reintroduce the drug again. I would deny myself the nicotine for six hours, light up, get that nicotine in me again, and start the withdrawal process over again.   I was in agony for a solid week before I realized that, logically, that simply wasn't the best way to quit. It makes me wonder, however, what's gonna happen when I go from using this 21mg patch to the 14mg patch. Will I be in withdrawal? Hmm. I guess I'll hafta wait and see.   Well, it's nearly time to get ready for work. I can't wait to go back, really. I've had four days at home and I'm going batty trying to find things to keep me occupied.   *sigh* Big breath. It helps most times to feel that clean air bouncing around my lungs. It feels good to be able to take a big breath without coughing and wheezing afterwards. But I'm still wanting to smoke in the mornings -- especially the mornings. I can't wait until I don't feel a void anymore -- a void I can't seem to fill just now.   I was going to type here how many hours it's been since I had a cigarette, but it's getting too difficult to calculate in my tiny brain. It's now easier to say how many days it's been. So, it's been 5 days and 12 hours since I've had a cigarette. I'm breaking my arm here patting myself on the back.
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

1
 

Feeling much better this morning....

....and it's probably because I slept well last night, and could sleep in this morning.   I'm going to try to follow a liquid diet today and tomorrow -- not the Medifast stuff my surgeon will have me use just before surgery -- but I'll start with clear soups and beverages. Monday I'll use Kroger's generic version of SlimFast Shakes to replace two meals a day. I'm gonna try that for a week. Today's liquid diet may include some liquid Vodka-and-Diet-Coke clear beverages later this evening.   Now it's time to hit the treadmill for 30 minutes.
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

1
 

Eleven more days...

I contacted the surgeon's office the other day, wanting to get the ball rolling, and was told that they are awaiting the results from my psyche exam.   Called that doctor and he said to come see him to discuss the results, and then he'd fax them to my band doctor.   So, I have an appointment tomorrow at 2:00pm to see him.   I received my new insurance card in the mail, and I am effective 01-01-07. As soon as I pay the $300 program fee, and they have the psyche results, they'll submit me to insurance on 01-02-07. That's only 11 days from now!   Can't wait!   And it's been tough, but today makes 4 weeks and 3 days smoke-free. Yay!
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

2
 

Down 11 pounds pre-op

I am down 11 pounds now and surgery is Friday morning. I've been using Medifast since last Friday. I'm getting more and more nervous about the surgery. Asking myself questions like, "Is this the right thing to do?" I wonder how many other people felt this way just before surgery.
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

1
 

Done with the shrink...

GASP! My journal was on Page Two! Whoa. Took me a few moments to find the sucker.   Well, folks, I got my psychiatric evaluation done -- finally. The shrink I chose was one of four recommended by Dr. Curry, and I chose him because he is in my health insurance network.   Anyhow.......long story short, three visits later -- yep, you heard me correctly --- THREE VISITS LATER, my time with Dr. T. is finished (I hope).   The first visit, he asked me a ton of questions.   The second visit, I took a test with a Number 2 pencil, and filled in the circles (like in elementary school). It was a personality test named MMPI. There were over 500 questions. Gah! Anyhow, when I got home and because I'm the Queen of online searches, I found that the test I took is called the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, lovingly referred to in the Psychiatric circles as the MMPI-2, containing 567 questions.   The third visit, I got to take yet ANOTHER Number 2 pencil test, but it was much shorter. Dr. T. said he'd send my results to Dr. Curry.   I contacted Dr. Curry's office today, asking the next step in this process, and was told that they are simply awaiting the test results, my program fee of $300, and they will submit to insurance on January 3rd -- the day after I pay the program fee.   Onward.......   Oh....wait.......today makes three weeks that I'm smoke-free. YAY!
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

3
 

Cravings from outta nowhere....

It's now been 84.5 hours since having a cigarette. Yesterday and last night were surprisingly easy. I found that I didn't think about smoking very much at all. The dreaded 72-hour "sink or swim" mark came and went, and I didn't even make note of it. It was very smooth sailing.   This morning is a different tune altogether.   I woke up early this morning and lay in bed, wanting to get up because my back was killing me, but not wanting to get up because one of my first thoughts was of smoking a cigarette. Knowing I couldn't have one -- because there aren't any in the house -- I grudgingly tripped to the bathroom and ripped the used patch from my left arm, and turned on the tap, praying that the hot water would hurry upstairs from its basement home in the water heater. With hot water, soap, and washcloth readied, I washed and dried my right upper arm and, finding a spot that hadn’t been occupied before, palmed a patch there. Damn. I’m outta cloth tape. I use cloth tape to ensure the patch stays put in its 24-hour dock, and I’m out. *sigh* I hafta go to the store today anyway. I’ll make a note to pick some up.   Dressed, face washed, and arm all patched, I padded down the stairs to the kitchen, filled my 16-ounce Styrofoam cup with water, placed it directly into the middle of the glass microwave turntable, and set the time for 1 minute, 45 seconds. It was at that moment that I turned to let the dog out for her morning pee and the urge -- craving -- hit me. I wanted a cigarette and wanted one NOW!   What the HELL???? I’m past the magic 72-hour mark! The cravings are supposed to be gone, or at least manageable! Not fair! My body isn’t following the rules! Waaaaaa!!!   So, here I sit, journaling about this, taking deep breaths, drinking my coffee, wanting to kick the cat (if we had one), and nearly experiencing weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth.   All because of wanting a stupid, stinky cigarette.   Get a grip, girl. If I can't make it two weeks without a cigarette, what makes me think I'm gonna make it two weeks on the Medifast Diet my surgeon wants me to be on before surgery?
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

3
 

Confession time...

So, I get on the scale this morning -- for the first time since I quit smoking two days before Thanksgiving -- to see JUST how much weight I've gained.   I thought I would have a stroke after seeing that number staring back at me.   When I initially went to see Dr. Curry about being banded, I weighed in at 249.5 -- fully clothed, in heavy jeans and a sweater, with my shoes on. I was wearing a size 18W jeans.   This morning -- totally naked (very ugly) -- I weighed in at 271.3.   To quote Janice from Friends........OH.........MY.......GOD!!!!!   Today I ate totally low carb. Tomorrow I'll do the same, and from now on. I've got this "quitting smoking" thing totally under control now, so it's time to get with the program and lose this twenty-five-freakin' pounds I've gained BEFORE I get banded. I'm now wearing a size 24W jeans, and they are tight.   I can't wait to see the doctor for my psyche eval overwith and get banded.
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

4
 

Another day.......

Hmm. My journal was on Page Two again. I don't like that.   Forty-one days smoke-free today. WOO HOO!
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

1
 

And so it begins...

I made an appointment with Dr. Trace Curry in Cincinnati. I'll see him next Wednesday, November 8th, at 11:00am.   What impressed me so much about Dr. Curry so far - without ever having met him -- is that he answered an email I sent to him, and I found out later that he wasn't even in town when he answered it!   Wow. Talk about a doctor who has "checked his ego at the door"!!! I like him already.   Everything seems to be falling into place already. I'll be covered with good insurance starting January 1st -- and have found out already that they do cover this procedure -- and I have three weeks of vacation to use if I need it. I'm aware that Dr. Curry requires me to have a psychological exam, and I don't know whom to see for that, but I'm sure that he will recommend someone.   I'm excited.   And so my journey to being healthy begins.....
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

1
 

About this liquid diet requirement before surgery...

I dunno if I can do this. Wow. This is more difficult than I thought it would be. I started over fine yesterday. Got up at 5:30am, per usual, had a few cups of coffee with half-n-half and Splenda. More coffee at work. At 10:00am, drank a generic Slimfast shake. Great. Everything was fine. No hunger. Lunch time -- had to work through lunch, but that's another story -- had my Lipton cup-o-soup chicken noodle (may was well say chicken BROTH) -- had two of those. Home at 5:30pm, had more coffee (per usual), dinner was another cup-o-soup, and another protein shake about 6:00pm.   I did fine up until 7:00pm. That's when the hunger become overwhelming. I had some clam chowder soup. I know I shouldn't have, but I did. That led to having a few slices of Swiss cheese, and just before going to bed at 9:45pm, I had five pretzel sticks.   Yeesh.   I don't even have a surgery date yet, and I can't seem to stick to a liquid diet. The surgeon reuires that I stick to a Medifast liquid diet for two weeks before surgery. I'm worried that I won't be able to do it.   Today's another day.
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

2
 

01-09-07

Weighed in at 269.8 this morning, so I've lost 1.5 pounds. Eating low carb helps, but my period also started, so I know I'm losing water weight there, too.   Gotta stop eating the Russel Stover's sugar-free candy, however. Those are NOT low carb. They also create offensive gas. Wow.
Bullwinkle

Bullwinkle

1
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