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Bosteph's Battle of the Bulge

A blog by bosteph

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Someday when I am thin...

I won't have to hold my breath to tie my shoes.:faint:
My pants won't roll down my belly - making me completely paranoid that my fat is exposed!!!:scared:
I will be able to shop for clothes at any store in the mall.
I will be able to wear cordurory without fear of my thighs starting a friction fire! :biggrin1:
I will be able to fly without "oozing" into the seats of my fellow passengers.
I will be able to sit down at the movies and my hips won't touch the sides of the seat.
I will break free of the cycle of self loathing and emotional eating and will be able to view my self as an attractive human being again .

November 4, 2006

2

I have a stupid cold

:sick :sick :sick Why do we need sinuses? I am sure that there is a good reason but right now I can't see one. I am home sick (yesterday too). I hate to miss work unplanned. DH is having lapband next Thursday. I am so excited for him. He has already lost 16 pounds on the liquid diet. 2007 is our year. Our son is worried that we will stop buying food for our house or that I will make him eat the same "weird" stuff that I eat. BFF ChaCha is doing great. Her butt is shrinking. Is it weird for me to talk about my friend's butt in my journal? :eek: I don't care - I am so happy for her. Liquids after a fill aren't as hard as they were before the band. The only problem that I am having is finding sinus medicine that is small enough and still works. We are all going on a cruise on May 6th. I know that we will be smaller, sexier and more energetic. We are on our way to the lives that we deserve. I am counting my blessings today for they are many.

February 2, 2007

2

I am...AFRAID

First of all, I know my fears are not rational. I am an intelligent woman but I do watch too much medical television. I have never had surgery. I have never been "put under". It scares me to death. I am terrified of having the tube down my throat. I am afraid that I will wake up before the tube has been taken out. Death by suffocation is my greatest fear. Putting a tube down my throat sounds very suffocating to me. I have talked to my friends and my husband - who all say that having surgery is easy (the recovery has always been the hardest for them). My brain knows that this is correct. The deep recesses of my twisted mind are not cooperating. :nervous I also read the message boards and I see people who have tickers that show they were banded a year ago and they have lost 100 pounds. I think hooray :clap2: - that will be me. Then I also see a couple that have been banded for two years and have lost 45 pounds and I think crap, that will be me. Is it worth it? Not that I believe that 45 pounds is not good, it's just not how I envision my results. My ChaCha says that success will depend on my ability to stick with the program and respect my band. She also said that she will be standing by to encourage me and beat me when necessary. You just gotta love friends like that.

November 19, 2006

3

Just One Day Left

Tomorrow is my last day on the pre-op diet. I have to admit that it got a lot better after the 4th day. Look out world, 'cause here I come.

December 19, 2006

4

I didn't realize...

I didn't realize how stressed this process has made me. I have been a complete bear to deal with for the past month. I blamed my disposition on work stress, holiday stress, etc. That's not the whole truth. The whole truth is that I have been on pins and needles waiting to be approved and ultimately banded. I have my pre-op visit on the 13th and surgery scheduled for the 20th. Yes, I will have crappy, liquid food for the holidays - so what? I will be starting off 2007 working towards an improved me. I had a nail appointment yesterday. I was getting my pedicure and drinking a margarita (yes, my nail salon serves margaritas) and feeling more relaxed than I have felt in weeks. Then I had another margarita while my fingernails were being done. My husband picked me up from the nail salon and took me to lunch. At lunch I had a very large pomegranate margarita (yum!). I was completely relaxed yesterday and I owe it all to BCBS of MN, Dr. Jay and tequila. Good job, guys! (and yes, I do realize that I won't be able to drink like that going forward)

December 10, 2006

3

I Could Have Eaten Myself Silly!

Saturday night I ate at Buca di Beppo.....Do you have any IDEA what that place is like??? :hungry: :hungry: :hungry: I was pretty good (compared to my normal self). I will be glad to get home. The best thing about this business trip is that I got to see snow.

November 13, 2006

2

Pysch Eval

Yesterday's visit to the psychiatrist went well. Some of the questions made me think and some made me laugh. Follow up and nutrition is next Wednesday. Then I am all set. I'll just need the date - we are shooting for the week after Thanksgiving. I am sure that the liquid diet is rapidly approaching.

November 9, 2006

1

The Mushies Are Coming!

I gained a couple of pounds back. Since I'm not eating much I can only imagine that I am retaining water. I am finally able to get my fulll water intake down, so maybe that will help. My body is continuing to get smaller even though the scale says differently. I will be glad to get off of the soup because it has so much sodium and that is contributing to the water weight. I got a great haircut today and went to the Vitamin Shoppe with ChaCha. She goes on clear liquids Wednesday so she is preparing. I got a few protein supplements to last me through my final liquid days. The mushies are coming, the mushies are coming! :biggrin1:

December 30, 2006

1

Last Pie in MN

Okay, tonight I said my good-bye to PIE! :Bunny It was warm blueberry with whipped cream. I am satisfied that pie is no longer a regular part of my life. :cheer2: I am travelling for business right now (in MN). Pretty cold up here.

November 10, 2006

2

My First Fill

I haven't journaled for the longest time... Today I got my first fill (3cc's) and it wasn't bad at all. Just a little pressure - ha, ha, ha. The weight loss has been amazing. I know that the day is coming when it will slow down - I just hope it's not too soon.

February 1, 2007

3

Tomorrow is the day!

I can honestly say that today was the easiest day of my pre-op diet. I felt great and didn't think about food at all. I will journal my thoughts about the surgery as soon as possible after my procedure. It is scheduled for 8:15 a.m. tomorrow.

December 20, 2006

2

Going back to work tomorrow

I survived! :clap2: I have to say that by far the worst day of recovery was day two. Even though I have read this site for months now, I was surprised by this. Day three was tolerable and since then has been absolutely fine. I have not needed pain meds since Friday morning. My apetite did not come back on Friday as Dr. Jay predicted. It finally returned (a little) today. I have been forcing down small amounts of soup and milk but this afternoon I had a tiny amount of mashed potatoes and LOTS of gravy - like potato gravy soup. It was awesome. Of course I could only eat about 3 or 4 "normal" bites, but it was sweet. The good news is that I have lost 22 pounds in 12 days. I tried on some smaller shirts that I have not been able to wear for the past 18 months. THEY FIT!!!! I cried. For the first time in 15 years I feel that I can be successful on this journey. I am in control. I am in charge of my destiny.

December 26, 2006

3

Weird Dreams

My surgery now has a time...8:15 a.m. (I have to be there at 7:15 a.m.) My anxiety is starting to build. I have no interest in food even though I am two days away from my clear liquid diet. I just want to be done. I know that I will have weird dreams tonight.

December 12, 2006

2

Baked Sweet Potato...Yummy!

I started the mushies tonight with a baked sweet potato and garlic mashed potatoes. I needed some variety. Overall, I probably got down 1/2 cup of food. It was wonderful!!!!! The food sure tastes good after three weeks of liquids (over the holidays to boot). I am looking forward to regular foods because I want crisp vegatables really bad. I am craving them. It will happen soon enough and I will be okay until then.

January 3, 2007

1

NSV Dance

I have lost 29.5 inches from my body!!! :biggrin1: I have gone from a tight size 20W to a loose 16 regular. My goals: Tie my shoes without holding my breath - check :clap2: Buy boots that zip up the side - check :clap2: Cross my legs comfortably - check :clap2: Unfortunately, I am at my first plateau. I will get past it. I need to move a little more.

February 17, 2007

2

2nd Day of Clear Liquids

Well this is sucking big time. :help: I am starving. I want something to chew besides gum. Jello is highly overrated. I want chicken, pizza or a rice cake for goodness sakes. Oh well, I will have broth instead. I need to suck it up and quit whining. It will be worth it eventually...

December 14, 2006

1

Let the waiting begin...

It's now in the hands of my insurance company. There's not much more that I can do to hurry the process along. I hope that can get scheduled quickly. Another lady (who just got banded) in my office told me that when she called our insurance company she found out that the usual response time is 48 hours. I hope that it's true!

November 17, 2006

1

Disappointed with my first appointment....

I had my first appointment last Wednesday. It was a disappointment. I won't mention the doctor's name because there are many people in this forum that have had good experiences with him. Actually, I didn't see the doctor. I went to his appointed lab to begin medical clearance. I think the lab is a scam. I am 36 years old, 5'8" and weigh 250lbs. My medical problems beyond obesity are almost non-existent. I have very strong family history to indicate that it is only a matter of time until I do have medical problems. For me, this is a preventative measure. I have good insurance with no exclusions. Several women in my office have had gastric bypass or lap band. None of those women used this doctor. Back to the lab... After a very brief examination, the testing that would be required was pysch eval (standard for my insurance), stress test (how could the necessity of that be determined without so much as an EKG??) and sleep study. :scared: The sleep study confused me the most. I questioned the PA about it. I didn't believe that this would be covered by my insurance (long story on my husband who had multiple sleep studies before having the sleep apnea surgery). She flipped through my chart and said "oh yes, your insurance will cover it". That made me feel strange! I'm not stupid. The doctor has financial interest in the lab. The lab does all of the medical testing and is, incidentally, a sleep disorder clinic. Yeah, right! I hope my Monday appointment with Dr. Jay goes much better. I did verify that he doesn't own a lab before making my appointment.

November 4, 2006

1

Not a Good Sick Person...

I HATE being SICK!!! :sick I have a good old fashioned cold. Runny nose, sore throat, coughing, sneezing and severe WHINING. I am not a good sick person. I really should be doing some Christmas decorating but alas, I am laying in bed being pitiful. DH brought me food. He loves me and I have been very mean today. :ogre I will work hard to be really nice tomorrow.

November 25, 2006

3

I am on my way!!!!

I LOOOOOVVVVVEEEEDDDD Dr. Jay's staff. :kiss2: :kiss2: Dr. Cha is the best. She is funny and sincere. I feel completely comfortable with this doctor helping me on this great adventure to a brand new me. I got my bloodwork completed, my medical records released and my pysch eval is scheduled for Wednesday. I am pumped. I agree with my BF - once you decide it has to be NOW! I love my Cha Cha! :scared: We will be beautiful (we are now but just more) and live as BF until we are very, very old (and skinny). I am scared of surgery but I will not let my fear keep me from having the life and body that I want. The part that really freaks me out is the thought of having a tube down my throat. It's a small price to pay for the chance to feel confident, successful and in control of my life.:clap2:

November 7, 2006

1

1st Day of Clear Liquids

The first day of the clear liquid diet ws really bad but still better than expected. I needed to be more prepared when I went to work. Tomorrow I will take more "food" to work with me. Let me just say that by the time I had starved through 3 p.m. the afternoon SlimFast tasted like a chocolate malt from Sheridan's Frozen Custard - YUM MEE!!!!!

December 14, 2006

1

Good News

I'm APPROVED!!!!! :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: I'm glad too. It was a nice ending to a pretty crappy week. I am going to push to have the surgery on 12/20. I am already scheduled off of work from the 20th to the 26th.

December 2, 2006

2

Well, it's done - I am BANDED!!!

My surgery started earlier that 8:15 a.m. because someone else cancelled. I was on my way home by 10:00 a.m. I am experiencing a lot of discomfort. My pain is in my belly not my shouders or back. I hope it is better in the morning. Thanks for all of the well wishes.

December 21, 2006

3

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