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OH OH-did i do something wrong?? wondering--4/16...

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week 4

last week (end of last week)--pretty much a disaster. ate too much, ate too fast---no pb's--but a lot of discomfort--and not feeling good at all. ugh. was on a business trip--and it was VERY stressful.   also, i think, some of the dreaded GAS PAIN. either that--or heart attack symptoms. either way--very uncomfortable, very unhappy. probably had to do with erratic diet and not being AT ALL in control of what I had to eat--or when i got to eat it. it is MOST DIFFICULT being in situations like that.   as of today--back on track. i hope. so far, so good.
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

2
 

week 3

eating "mushy" food--haven't had a problem yet. not sure if i'm sticking exactly to the "letter of the law" as i haven't actually chopped anything up in a cuisinart or blender. have chosen soft foods, chewed them up well--and hoped for the best. so far, so good.   i'm sticking to soup at lunch. don't want to bring a PB (especially my first) on myself at work...still--i know myself, my old, old habits of eating REALLY FAST--have to be tamed and retrained. ugh. very hard to do. paying more attention to what i'm eating and how fast--than i have in years. decades, actually.   i still think i feel the band--or whatever--inside my ribcage. or else it's just very sore. not sure. whenever i have been sitting or lying awhile--then get up--i can feel the stiffness, soreness, or is it the BAND, inside me. not happy about this. hope this feeling will go away some day. willing to give it time--but not forever. my incisions are healing pretty well. black and blue around my midsection is fading too.   my work clothes are not as tight as they were. this is good. nothing is falling off me, tho. not throwing out clothes by the hefty bagful yet. and not going shopping yet either. :cry   i am looking forward to trip to mexico in 3 wks. i hope i can eat solid food successfully by then. i'm a little worried about how i will eat there--altho, will have a kitchen. if necessary--will cook every damn thing myself. and taking optifast shakes with me (note to self--buy more optifast).   that's it--a boring entry. nothing going on. no news is good news. :bathbaby:
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

1
 

Today's the day!

i check into the hospital at 11:30 am==it's now 9:30. i just took "the last bath"--and now i have to get my husband (a bad photographer) to take my "before" pix.   i got up before the crack of dawn--because i was anxious!   then i fell back asleep and missed my "want to by up by" time of 8 am.   i am HUNGRY (of course) because i can't eat anything now.   and THIRSTY--but i made sure to drink some water just before midnight.   will post back after it's ALL OVER!! EEEEK! :omg:
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

4
 

Time flies---even when you're not having fun

OK==day 11...2 MORE DAYS.   i'm not hungry.   i stopped eating huge portions of cooked broccoli or string beans--i don't even want them anymore.   i can't believe how NOT HUNGRY i am. it's weird.   and i can go a long time on the protein shakes. it's funny how they immediately give your brain whatever it needs to get moving (not to mention your body)....and i can definitely feel when they stop--at which point, so do i. and just in time for MORE SHAKES.   2 in the morning, 2 at night--for lunch--vegetable soup and some raw vegetable salad. not bad.   i know i'm losing weight because i can BREATHE when dressed in my work outfits...that's a change. as for the scale--well...who knows. i'll find out monday, pre-surgery. i assume they have to weigh you to know how much stuff you need to be anesthetized.   i'm not even thinking about monday so much (except while i write this) because i'm so busy at work. i guess that's good--but at 5:00 p.m.--that's over.   2 more days of pre-op diet--and...voila--i'm banded!   getting nervous about post-op pain...that's all i'm concerned about. oh yeah, and EATING too...but...we'll work on that. if i could be as NOT HUNGRY as i am on this stupid pre-op diet--that would be good.
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

3
 

time fixes all

i have been remiss in writing--oh well. i'm here to say that time fixes EVERYTHING--i feel like i NEVER HAD SURGERY AT ALL. unbelievable. no pains anywhere, scars disappearing, and appetite---well...ravenous.   first fill--manana.   just got back from a week in mexico. could have stayed forever. so nice, warm, relaxing...ahhhh. not to mention--all the good food and drink. NOT good for my lapband, i'm sure--but didn't overeat that much--just didn't undereat either. my scale says 3-4 lbs +, but i'm sure that's temporary--as i'm no longer lounging around on the beach, eating tortillas and drinking cerveza.:cry   cold, miserable, horrible weather in nyc---do NOT feel like moving out of warm bed today--but must--as i stayed in yesterday and barely moved. NOT GOOD.   looking forward, very much,to first fill. NEED and WANT that restriction to happen!   well, i'll see what that's like TOMORROW.:confused: am a little apprehensive about what it will feel like--but as long as it makes the restriction come back--that'll be great. i'm willing to go for refills for as long as it takes.   wish i could say i'm willing to go to gym and work out--but i can't say it. it would be a LIE.
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

3
 

Still starving--is this going to get better?

Day 3 of liquid pre-op diet.   Not REALLY hungry--but a little bit hungry. in fact i think i feel weaker--due to low-protein. yesterday i had a headache--definitely from low protein (not from caffeine deprivation--i am totally off caffeine, have been for a long time now--at least a year). have tried to keep the liquids up to feel full too, but am feeling quite sorry for myself today.   now--is DAY 4 supposed to be better? or AFTER day 4? i am doing what i've been told to do--for now--but i might have to cave in and call the nutritionist and see if there's ANYTHING else i may safely consume.   bummer...   i'm really feeling bummed out....
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

3
 

started losing weight again

i used to keep up more...now that living with the band is becoming more "usual"--i have not put in too much.   there's not too much to say other than i think my band is REALLY tight and if i get stressed out or am in a situation that feels tense--then NOTHING goes down--not even ICE CREAM!   i didn't lose ANY WEIGHT AT ALL for 1 month--but all of a sudden, without doing anything special--i started losing again. the combination of the really tight band, not being able to eat under stressful circumstances (such as business travel--thank god for packing optifast shakes) and basically sticking to easy food like yogurt, juice, some hamburger and a few raw vegetables (radishes work, don't know why)...and voila--weight loss has been happening. and hunger has been minimal--which is why i wanted the band in the first place--to cut down on that endless "i'm HUNGRY" feeling.   am also wearing a suit that i haven't worn in 4.5 yrs---ta daaah. that feels good.   i even went shopping for a smaller pair of pants for work--as i was embarrassed that my "regular" pants were just about falling off--and i had to keep pulling them up--boy that is UNCOMFORTABLE to do while you're walking down the hall...   i keep looking at the scale--not moving very fast in the downward trend--but i can still feel changes in clothing--and some people finally commented...so...SOMETHING must be happening--right??   right!
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

1
 

pain

i find i still have some pain in my middle---especially when i get up from sitting down too long....and then at night--when i lay down--it's VERY sore. i have taken 1/2 a painkiller--and it soothes me enough to sleep.   i'm not THAT conscious of anything when i'm sitting and working--but if i've been sitting there a LONG time--then it's very sore when i stand up.   wondering if that's ok.   there's definitely NO restriction in me--or very little. i cannot eat AS MUCH as i used to *(good)*--but i can eat just about anything.   if i take TOO BIG A BITE (and you'd be surprised at how easy and unconsciously you do that) then it could feel momentarily stuck--i.e. in a car--i wanted a BANANA--i started to GOBBLE that thing down and oops--it felt a little stuck. only ate 1/2 of it---and decided--ok--that's ENOUGH. in the past, could easily have finished it and wanted more. this time, decided on my own=--better not continue. ESPECIALLY while i'm driving in a city i don't even know. ugh. too stressful!   my first fill will be 2/21. looking forward to it.   i have a trip to mexico (planned over a year ago) in 1.5 wks...oh gawd--need some BATHING SUITS. aacckkk :eek: . not happy about THAT. even bought my suntan lotion--FROM CANADA (they have better lotion than here, with ingredients the FDA hasn't approved yet for U.S.--but used in canada and europe)...so....it's a BIG DEAL TRIP. (all this--to lie in the sun and do nothing??)   worried about what i can eat there. guess i'll be trying more fish--as that's supposed to be GOOD FOR ME. not a big fish eater--but..i'm damn well going to try--as i just went thru this whole PROCEDURE to HELP MYSELF LOSE WEIGHT--must keep GOALS in mind!   any tips for mexico, anyone??
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

1
 

Optifast Zombie

well, DAY 9 of pre-op diet--i'm just ADDICTED to optifast shakes now. plus i started putting 2 teaspoons of benefiber in it. i'm a little concerned that what's going in, is not moving along as it should be, on this liquid festival...   so--2 shakes for b-fast...then nothing until lunch...   lunch was onion soup--more salad things---2 diet ginger ales. boy i'm going to miss my diet ginger ale.   now i'm plenty full--and there's no more to eat until dinner--2 more optifast things.   and then 2 sugar free choc pops--to feel like i'm having "dessert"--and i'm done for the night.   i could also chew on fruity vitamins the nutritionist gave me.   oh--and the surgeon's office called--my insurance approved me. nothing like waiting until practically the LAST MINUTE--since surgery is MONDAY.   SURE GLAD I'M NOT ON THIS LIQUID NONSENSE FOR NOTHING. boy would i have had a fit if i had an insurance problem. probably would have had a stroke.   nothing new, nothing to talk about--just rolling along at work trying to GET THINGS DONE. and the more i try, the more things pile on before the first things are finished. thought i would get a lot done before surgery day--but it looks dismal right now. guess they're just going to have to LIVE WITHOUT ME for a week here. sure hope the co. doesn't go out of business or anything! (ha ha ha, cynical laugh).:heh:
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

1
 

no slip

the band is where it's supposed to be. i am pretty annoyed that i had to have another procedure, UNDER ANESTHESIA, b/c of dr's idiot staff.   end of story. no further surgery needed. thank god.
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

1
 

I thought this would be....well...doable, but GOD it's HARD!!

i'm on day 2 of pre-op diet. TWO WEEKS are required. ugh.   i'm not really HUNGRY--but i wish i could BITE INTO something--and not just raw vegetables (of which i'm allowed 2 cups per day--raw or cooked, no peas, corn, potatoes).   i probably had 3 cups yesterday. i don't think that's the big problem here.   i'm DYING for a bagel with cream cheese. or toast. or an omelet, or...ANYTHING that tastes UNLIKE this revolting chocolate optifast thing.   i put a drop of vanilla in it--can't tell if that made a difference--and mixed it up with crushed ice. so, i think it tastes as good as it's gonna get.   i was supposed to have soup for lunch yesterday--but i wound up at dr's office for surgical clearance test at lunch--and spent the REST OF THE DAY THERE. that's right--never got back to my office. thankfully, the day after xmas--there weren't that many people there to notice my absence.   well, at least i'm done with the pre-surgery this n' that notes from various dr's. i hope.   so--now it's just concentrating on this liquid diet thing.   please---feel sorry for me! i need company!!:think
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

2
 

Happy new year

I really screwed up on pre-op diet tonight. i was doing ok--until this evening, when party food made its debut at my place.   disaster.   no alcohol tho.   tomorrow--back on strict pre-op diet.   hope i'm not doomed.   what does anyone else think?????   :cry :cry :cry
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

2
 

First Fill

well, i had my first fill. the fill itself went fine. i think because i had OPEN gall bladder surgery 18 yrs ago (with horrible long incision)...i had no pain when the dr. stuck needle in to fill up the band. so that was the good part. didn't need any lidocaine or anything.   the bad part was, after making my appt for 1 month down the road, and going down 10 floors in the elevator, and getting in a taxi--only THEN did i start to get nasty little squeezing pains in my left chest....   i figured "well...this is just because the band is filled and is pressing outward on something that doesn't like to be pressed out on"...so i went back to work...ignored it--or tried to---and by the time i got home, i was just miserable.   took MAJOR painkiller--went to bed--and next morning all was well.   so, the next day i thought--"there's NO restriction. i can still eat anything. they said i could come back in a week if no restriction, that's what i'll do."   that continued through saturday.   then whoa--on sunday--i had 2 incidences of "ouch the food is stuck" :omg: and my first PB (nasty).:think the first was from a scone (i know, i know--not supposed to be eating that). and the 2nd was from gobbling down (or starting to gobble down) some beef with broccoli--oy vey. missed the first part of the oscars show while waiting in the bathroom for the chunk in my chest to either GO DOWN or COME OUT. it eventually popped out. then i felt better. but boy, was i done with "dinner."   so--i guess there IS restriction-=-and i will wait the month for the next visit.   my warning is "even if you think there's no restriction--wait a few days--there may very well be some."   the end. ta--daaaah.
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

1
 

eyes definitely are now bigger than stomach

today i had soup--2x. once for lunch--only about 1/2 cup of soup. and that was fine.   but THEN....a few hours later (probably 4.5 hours), i had BIG plate of soup--probably 2 cups. TOO MUCH. ugh. it's about 7 hrs later and i have no desire to eat ANYTHING. i was wayyyy too full from that soup---and i could immediately feel the effects from the band or my stomach or WHATEVER--about 5 min after i downed that entire thing of soup.   ugh.   major mistake.   also, on friday--had esophogeal spasms. probably from how fast i ate "dinner" (1 optifast shake AND some more damn soup) on thursday night--again, i immediately realized--"that was NOT good"--and suffered for it right through friday afternoon.   now--i DON'T want to be known at the surgeon's office as "that P.I.T.A. patient again" (for those who need to know definition of p.i.t.a.--write me privately) and i hesitated to call them -- so i reached out to someone here, and got back the "esophogeal spasm" explanation--and yep--sounded just like what i had done to myself. so--by not eating anything filling for the morning--and taking 2 advil--i eventually felt better.   i MUST get used to the 1/2 cup limit. it's just that NOTHING that small EVER filled me up in the past. it's so NOT ME (bitter laugh).   well--the measuring cup is about to be my new best friend.   and although tomorrow, sunday, is one day short of the 2 wks past surgery day--and technically 1 day early to start mushy food--i think i want to start it AT HOME--just to see if i can eat it. i DO NOT want to be at work, trying this out for the first time. (ok, ok, i COULD just eat soup at work for lunch, as i've been doing---but i KNOW myself--and i KNOW my temptations...).   then again---after today's fiasco with the 2 cups of soup---maybe i SHOULD just stay on the "soup at lunch" plan i've been on. i really haven't been hungry.   ok--another lesson learned. ouch.   but still--i don't HATE the band inside me--it's not that the pain i've felt has been so overwhelming that i want it ripped out of me--it's more like "ok, you've GOT to learn how you'll be feeling with this---and learn to live with the limits." i WANT limits-this is what i signed up for...so, in a weird way--it's all GOOD. eventually---i'm going to "get it."
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

1
 

Esophogram not clear enough

Well--the esophogram was not clear enough to show if the band slipped. I have to have an endoscopy--though i'm not sure what it's going to show, exactly, from the inside of the stomach to know if the band is slipped or not.   but that's happening this thursday.   then--my dr. is on vacation until may 1--which is when i'll see him and find out what's what.   if the band is slipped-i'll have to have it repaired. another surgery. just what i'm looking forward to.   not.   :think :think
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

1
 

endoscopy

i guess it showed a slip of some kind. guess i'm headed back to surgery. will know more when i speak to surgeon on may 1. am very depressed. :think :think :think
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

1
 

Did I slip my band??

just put in a call to the dr's office. god knows when they'll call back.   last week i was on a business trip to houston (from ny) and had lunch out with business associates. after only a few bites of food--small, tiny bites, chewed well--i had to excuse myself and go to restroom--to THROW UP. that happened twice.   then--this was the worst--on the way back to the office -- i KNEW that i was going to get sick--but we were in the STREET--what could i do??? i held it in and ALMOST made it to the 28th floor--but as the elevator doors were opening--i had to open up my little PURSE, and THROW UP INTO IT. god, how embarrassing. everything happened really fast--and then i RAN to the restroom (thank god it didn't require a KEY). what a mess. THEN--i vomited VIOLENTLY. much worse than any previous time, where the food just popped out. this felt MUCH MUCH WORSE.   Well--i stayed on liquids thereafter--and they went down ok. but when i went back to food--it felt---different. i had NO pb's (not that i WANTED any), the food went down--but the restriction feels off. i was VERY careful after this happened. i have been extra EXTRA careful to eat small bites, chew 15-25 times, and WAIT between mouthfuls. also, what i take to eat is much MUCH smaller than i used to take. but--i'm worried about my restriction now. and the band placement.   i wonder if i blew a hole in the band? or slipped it?? i don't know.   so i'm waiting for a call back from the dr's office to see if i should come in for an esophogram or something.   i really hope all is well--i certainly didn't WANT this to happen.   :think
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

1
 

Day 5...caving in...

ok, i'm only drinking shakes and eating those cooked, unflavored vegetables (boy, salt is the only saving grace on those) and i feel SO energy-less, it's unbelievable. after i drink the shake--i have about 1 hr's worth of energy--during which i'm madly cleaning up my cluttered castle for a new year's eve party tomorrow (yes, i'm a masochist, too).   then i collapse, lie down on the bed for a "minute"--and all of a sudden, it's 3 hrs later.   now--this is FINE while i'm at home--but i go back to work tuesday--and there is NO NAPTIME there (although i've put that in the suggestion box many times--"more nap breaks, and bunkbeds in a dark room").   so--i conclude that the pre-op shake diet is for stay-at-home types, or people who control their own destiny.   now--i DID do this before my wedding--a million yrs ago (well, 18) and i managed to do it AND go to work--looking back--i don't see how i did it.   oh well--time marches on. my 1 hr's energy is rapidly coming to a close. i wrapped 2 xmas gifts (yes, i KNOW xmas is over) and put them in boxes to MAIL (who wants to go to the post office BEFORE xmas??) and there are just a few more of THOSE to get off the dining room table.   did i mention that PARTY i have to get ready for tomorrow?   why oh why did i agree to this? (you may be wondering)--well, family pressure. enough said.   back to work
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

1
 

Day 3 after surgery

and i'm feeling almost human--though somewhat dizzy. probably from lying down too much and not getting up a lot--so--fixing that today. am showered, dressed, shoes on--ready to walk a WHOLE BLOCK (a long one, an AVENUE block) to the nail salon. there's a treat. make my nails look better==-the a WHOLE BLOCK BACK--and collapse.   am still not really hungry--keeping very hydrated--must remember to sip, sip--not gulp, gulp.   am "burping" slightly--just a little--anyone have any ideas on that? i wonder if this is a new, permanent feature....oy vey.   well--time to go out, before i feel too sick and dizzy to try it. my nails are screaming for me to go.   p.s. incisions (or steri-strips) are clean--no bleeding, seeping, or anything else--and not much pain. took much less painkiller--and only once so far today--about 5 hrs ago.
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

2
 

Banded Yesterday!

came home today and SLEPT! didn't sleep so well in the hospital--some gas pain--which moved around--and now is gone! so, i was up at 2 am, commiserating with another guy who was banded right after me---then, when my iv pole started beeping away, because it was out of battery juice, i had to return to my room so it could be plugged in--but wasn't sleepy--so, read until 4 am--then fell asleep until 5:30 am--when they started coming around to take temperatures, and so on...so--really, not a lot of sleep time.   i'm AMAZED at how "not so bad" it all was. the dr. (fielding at nyu medical center in nyc) has this down to a factory assembly line--and the anesthesiologists and supporting staff were all really on the ball. when i woke up in recovery--i was conscious, not in pain, and able to talk to my visitors. i did just fine.   today--i had several things to drink--and some painkiller---big tip--ask for painkiller before you leave the hospital--that percocet pill for the ride home was VERY helpful.   i basically feel like i've been punched in the stomach a number of times--so, a dull ache--but nothing REALLY SHARP or UNBEARABLE. the incisions are packed with gauze over the steri-strips--and plastic over that. they said i could take a shower--but was afraid to. tomorrow, i can take the plastic off the steri-strips--they stay on.   i've HAD open abdominal surgery--next to that--this was really, REALLY bearable.   please write and ask me any questions. i'm very happy to be home--i'm working on my optifast shake (watered down) and i'm really NOT hungry.   watching tv, sleeping on and off--and taking the rest of the week off.   ahhhh, so glad it's OVER!!
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

3
 

another day...another $$$$$$--they just started charging NYS TAX!!

at my corporate cafeteria!! bummer!!   soup, some salad, and 2 diet sodas--over $10.00!! sheesh!   well--day 8 of the disgusting 2 wk pre=op diet--and i'm back to being GOOD. 2 shakes in the morning--adding ICE, ICE, ICE--to make it as cold and frosty as possible--and 2 at night. the sugar-free chocolate pops are good. i feel like i've had dessert after 1 of those.   for lunch--vegetable soup--(clear soup with vegetables, no peas, corn, potatoes--3 cheers for me, i RESISTED the fabulous au bon pain CORN CHOWDER they have every so often :clap2: :clap2: :clap2: )   i am starting to DREAD the thought of surgery. i'm wondering if my endocrinologist ever considered CUSHING's disease, i wonder what my cortisol level is, i'm wondering why i ever got myself into this....i'm desperately looking for OTHER ACTIVITIES to distract myself (oh yeah, i'm at work, supposed to be WORKING). i keep thinking 'what if this won't work on me', 'what if i only lose a little weight from the pre-op diet, and then a little weight from the 2-wks AFTER surgery liquid diet, and then...i just stop losing', 'what if blah blah blah'--anything you can think of--that's what i'm obsessing about... 'how does the band FEEL around your stomach?', 'can you actually FEEL it?', 'what if the dr. puts in the "wrong" kind of port?', 'do i have to PICK the kind of port?', 'how do they decide WHICH kind of port?,' 'how do they decide what size of band?', 'what causes band slippage?', 'am i going to be sliming, burping, pb'ing, reflexing and vomiting for the rest of my life because of this ELECTIVE surgery???'   i'm driving myself KRAZEEEEEEE.   any tips-- people out there who've done this????   thanks....   back to obsession land....
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

2
 

9 days after surgery

i went back to work yesterday. not too bad--because basically i sit at computer all day--can get up when i want to/have to--and i left not TOO long after 5 pm (6--only 1 hr...not too bad). i came home and IMMEDIATELY took painkiller--not that i was DYING or anything-- i just wanted to be more comfortable. i figure--i have painkiller--i may as well use it. :heh:   well, i was comfortable all right--fell during the first 10 min of American Idol (which i'm sure was no great loss)--and woke up for the 11:00 news.   today was better--but that's probably because i slept late--as my first stop this morning was not work--but the hospital for the esophogram. an easy test--they just make you stand against a machine, and you drink some strawberry flavored glop (a few sips) while the machine films you. then i took the films and report to my surgeon's office (all this at the hospital--so no major traveling between locations)--for a post op check by the nurse--then made appt for first fill (feb 21) and finally to work.   i have been eating more creamy soups--au bon pain potato & leek soup--awesome. i had corn chowder for lunch today--i'm sure that's NOT a recommended item for the 2nd week--but it was ok--i tried to avoid the corn--and just have the soup (and carrots and potatoes--very soft). yesterday, i was much less hungry than today--but today, my diet wasn't well-managed, as i was running around too much.   this evening i attended my first "users group" of lapbanded people. it was jam-packed! nice people--some of whom i've talked to here-i met in person. some interesting topics were brought up--i probably would have been more comfortable if i could have EATEN first (too much planning to make that happen)--was RAVENOUS when i got home.   ate, really fast, an optifast shake AND a bowl of mushroom soup for dinner--way too much food. now i've got a big pain in my left side--by my waist--can't decide what that's from--took MORE painkiller--and i hope i can now go to sleep--it's pumpkin time--12:00!
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

3
 

6 days after surgery

much less tired--though i think i've totally messed up my normal sleeping pattern---i'm up ALL NIGHT--and that's not going to work for my day job. MUST get back to sleep at a normal hour--TONIGHT.   i have virtually no pain--but i'm itching where the steri-strips are--and that's starting to drive me crazy.   also, i take quite a few medications--which i used to swallow in one big gulp. that now takes 30 min or more--one pill at a time--and the larger pills either are cut up (into 6 separate pieces) or have been portioned into smaller one-pill doses (multiple) of the larger amounts. this all takes TIME to get down. then i feel very full--and i'm not sure whether they're going down that easily--or gathering in a lump somewhere. hard to tell.   i have been VERY hungry. this liquid only diet for 2 full weeks--i'll never survive it. :cry   i have esophogram appt on wed--then followup with surgeon's office-where i hope to ask if i can move on to more substantial food. i have taken pain killer as an appetite suppressant--it worked--but i'm sure that's not a good strategy.   i also have some light burping--don't know what that's from--hope that will ease up soon. or--is that a "rest of my life" thing? hard to know at the moment.   have i lost weight? oh, who knows. i'm only going to "officially" weigh at the dr's office. my scale changes depending on what part of the 100-yr old tile floor it's on. i can "lose" 5 lbs in 2 seconds--by moving the scale!
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

3
 

2nd Fill

Had it last week. Went much better this time--no chest pain afterwards (probably had a heart attack last time, incidental to the fill, but ignored by me, b/c now i feel fine).   but THEN--i WAS, and AM, REALLY restricted now. this is 2.2 cc's in a 4cc band. i am learning--the slow, hard, sliming, throwing up way--you CANNOT fight with the BAND and WIN!! the BAND wins!!!   if you keep eating after the VERY FIRST SIGNAL that you've had ENOUGH--you're in trouble. the very first signal can be a burp, a hiccup, a runny nose---something....and if you ignore it and keep shoveling food in--you're gonna pay.   i have had to THROW UP more than i ever thought i would feel comfortable with. the food is stuck in my esophagus--never gets to my stomach--so is not acidic--but boy--this is NOT terribly fun. it's bearable though. i am not sorry i had the surgery--i am just a little frustrated that i can't do better, more quickly.   am trying to reverse a LIFETIME of shoveling food into my stomach as fast, and as much, as i can--not an easy task.   finally it has dawned on me--i can only really eat SOLID FOOD--at night. NOT at lunch. stick to soft things at lunch--thank god my office sells 3 diff kinds of au bon pain soup every day--that has been a lifesaver.   and, if i'm hungry after the cafeteria shuts--i can get more soup at the little cafe they keep open til 4:30. so i am lucky. that is a good way to get protein down--and not have to RUN TO THE BATHROOM and THROW UP.   i am seeing what bulimics must see--that it's NOT so hard to throw up --but in my case--not to lose weight--but to stop CHOKING on the food. ugh.   anyway--on the upside--am losing weight!! must be getting enough vitamins and calories in to sustain me--not dying of hunger either. i take a flintstones vitamin (when i remember) and am eating good protein (meat or poultry) vegetables and fruit--and optifast shakes for bfast--those go down easy and i like the taste (blended with ice). i am hardly eating any bread at all. i miss it--mentally--but not the taste or the texture. it's just too hard to deal with if it gets STUCK.   so it goes. next fill--or appt wth dr.--scheduled for april 24. i wonder if they'll fill me up any further--or maybe this is the right level for me.   i continue on my search to know what i can eat, and when, and most important--HOW MUCH. it's a delicate balance.
girlinnyc

girlinnyc

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